Chapter 19 Chapter Nineteen

I don't want anything without you. I didn't get into college. My college entrance exam scores were terrible. I torture myself with what little memory I have of you.You gave me very little, but I enlarged all the tiny things. The first time I saw you, the first time I heard you play at your house, the first time I waited for you alone in your house, and the last time Waiting for you on the cold stairs, looking up at your window in the cold wind for the last time, and that time, you sent me home, just you and me. I have revisited such tiny memories thousands of times, not allowing myself to be happy.

Xia Xia went to study in the United States.When we parted at the airport we hugged each other and cried like hell. What I cry is parting, not only my parting from her, but also my parting from you. During the first year, she wrote many letters to me, but I replied to fewer and fewer letters.My secret cannot be shared with others, let alone her? The day you, Genghis Khan, appeared, our Xixia had perished. Gradually, we stopped communicating. Later, I got a job at a gallery at home. Because you love art, I love art too. During those days, several men with very good conditions courted me.

I've changed, I've become more beautiful, I'm no longer the skinny and shy girl. I don't care for men who pursue me passionately.To them, I was so cold, as if I didn't need love.No one knows, it's because my heart is sealed off for you forever. However, this has become my fatal attraction. How ridiculous?When you don't care less, you get it. After working in galleries for a few years, I met a wealthy builder.He was thirty years older than me and had a family. I became his lover. I live in a nice apartment and he will give me anything I want. I know that if I ask him to divorce and marry me, he will agree.

But I never asked for it. I don't want to be happy. If I can't marry you, I don't want to marry anyone. He is a smart man. During the time we were together, I learned a lot from him that I couldn't learn from books. I understood everything about architecture, even the details. I wanted to learn painting, so he found the best teacher for me. I wanted to learn Gangqin, and he also found the best teacher. He often takes me abroad.In foreign countries, what I visit is not department stores and fashion stores, but museums and galleries.I know a lot of top artists. I will learn everything you like.

At that time, I never thought that I would see you again.I just want to be you.I know it sounds ridiculous, but that's the way I want to love you. I also bought a lot of pearl jewelry, because you said that pearls are the most beautiful.Some of my collections are very expensive, very rare pearls.However, none of them can't be lost, because you didn't send them.