Chapter 19 4. In life, fate is always shallow and blessings are thin

A new job, a new environment, a new start, everything has to be re-adapted and re-accepted. Zhang Cheng, the squad leader, contacted me every now and then, saying that he couldn’t find me at the original place. After inquiring, he found out that I had changed jobs. He was very angry, “Why did they treat you like this?!” "Forget it, that's fine too!" I said. "Coke, you can't just give in!" Zhang Cheng put his hand on my shoulder, feeling like a big brother. "This is not a concession, it's just my own choice." If there were other options, I would not choose this way to end my love.

Tickets to Andy Lau's concert owed Zhang Cheng a favor, and he planned to invite him to watch a basketball game, but because the time was wrong, he could only invite him to watch a movie. I asked him to watch a movie, and he immediately took out two tickets from his pocket and handed them to me, "It seems that I still have the tickets that someone gave me last time, please invite me to see it!" I just wanted to laugh, his ticket, I ask him to see it?He is confused. It's an old movie I watched in college, it's wonderful and classic. The first time I watched it, I watched it with Xiao Yuan at Huaxing Cinemas.During the whole movie, he held my hand, making me unable to eat popcorn, "You can't eat popcorn while watching a movie, what do you call watching a movie?"

Xiao Yuan helped me hold a bunch of snacks, "Eat, eat, eat, I think about eating all day, be careful to become a pig!" Seeing that I was distracted, Zhang Cheng asked in a low voice, "Would you like to buy you a pack of popcorn?" I shook my head, "No!" After watching the movie, Zhang Cheng drove me home again.The class monitor is a good person, he is very enthusiastic about everything, considerate and considerate, I am grateful to him from the bottom of my heart! There was a person sitting in the corridor. When he saw me coming, he stood up abruptly, which shocked me.

"Xiao Yuan, why are you here?" I was surprised. But he was aggressive, "Are you dating Zhang Cheng? Your mother said you went to the movies!" I was afraid that my mother would be worried, so I told her about the movie with the class monitor. "Have you been to my house?" "Of course I did. I waited for you for three hours. I was really embarrassed to disturb Auntie's rest before coming out to wait for you!" "What are you looking for me for?" I lowered my tone. He dragged me downstairs, found a quiet place, and said, "I won't be engaged to Wu Yue!"

"Ok?" "I am willing to give up that home and never go back!" He said solemnly, "Let's go to a notarized marriage, and then I will find an ordinary job and be an ordinary couple with you!" "Xiao Yuan, you can't do it!" I said softly. "You have to trust me!" He seemed eager to convince me. "If you could give up your current life, you would not have chosen to study abroad back then, you would not have heard from each other for thousands of days, and you would not be so passive when we meet again, even during the time we get along You won't be so hesitant for a while! Xiao Yuan, although you don't say anything, I know it all!"

Xiao Yuan stared at me with unfamiliar eyes, and his voice was deep and hoarse. "I left because I wanted to see the outside world, but I regretted it once I left. I should have stayed with you... In foreign countries, Wu Yue has always accompanied me. She is gentle, considerate, intellectual, Dafang, I admit that I was attracted by her, and I also planned to forget you and her and start over. However, when we were about to get engaged, I suddenly realized that it seemed that there was no love between me and her, it was just A kind of family affection that leans on each other in a strange environment.

"During that time, I missed you crazily and wanted to come back to see you, so I had a car accident and lay in bed for two months. As soon as my body was able to move, I came back, and only then did I have the accident in the meeting Reunion. Seeing you again made me realize how important you are to me. Only when you are by my side can I smile from the bottom of my heart. So I decided to go back to China after graduation no matter what. "Not long ago, there happened to be a project in China. Knowing that you were in this group, I begged my parents to find a way to let me participate. I want to get closer to you, and get closer... After I get closer to you, I will I found that time really separated us. Although you smiled at me, I felt that we were getting farther and farther apart. I was afraid and wanted to do something to catch you.

"But, I don't know what they said to you, or what they did? But you must believe me! Believe that I love you!" The light stretched Xiao Yuan's shadow very long, making him look thin and thin, which made me think his words were so pale. "I believe it, I have always believed it!" I took a deep breath, does it make any difference whether I believe it or not?So what if I choose to believe. "Then let's get married!" "No!" I shook my head. "Why? Why did you refuse?" Xiao Yuan looked at me in disbelief. Because I love you, I can't easily do things that make you regret!

"Xiao Yuan, let's go back!" We all have our own missions and responsibilities, and love is not the whole of life. "But, do you love me?" Xiao Yuan's uncertain tone hurt me. I am silent.Xiao Yuan, I once loved you, with a pure heart.Now, I still love you, but I love you with a heart full of holes! Knowing that this kind of love has no results, it is like a moth to a flame without hesitation. Maybe our love is not persistent enough, our fate is not deep enough, we care too much about things other than love, and ignore love itself. Xiao Yuan, once, I wanted to hold hands with you and walk to the old age together, but you let me go first and let me linger for a long time.

Once, I dreamed that we would meet again one day, and we would hold hands again to see the sea and the sky, but the reality is cruel after all, the road ahead is full of obstacles, and we can no longer continue the romance of youth. It's not that I don't mind, you got lost halfway, which proves that our love is not strong enough! Suddenly, I grew up and matured, knowing that everything is not going according to our wishes, knowing that we must let go when we are helpless, and knowing that sometimes love cannot be fulfilled... We can also force to be together, but the result of forcing is often not as desired.

Marx, the old man, was so right, "The economic base determines the superstructure", what kind of base determines what kind of love view, what kind of base determines what kind of results. It's not that I don't want to work hard, it's just that the process is too tiring for me to bear! Or, now is the time to let go. Don't know how to say goodbye?There is always the sadness of not being able to see each other again in life. I turned around and went upstairs, just wanting to leave him with a beautiful back. Looking at the newspaper with the engagement announcement on the desk, and the beautiful but unreal engagement photo, although I can't give blessings calmly, I can face it calmly. It's not that their family or class can't accept me, but that I have been excluded from the range of choices from the very beginning. If I hadn't met Xiao Yuan back then, if I hadn't fallen in love with Xiao Yuan, maybe I would have lived happily, right? A blank sheet of paper is always better than thick ink. If, Xiao Yuan and I had broken off the entanglement early, if we had chosen to forget each other, I should be very happy, right? A heart without disturbance will always be peaceful and indifferent. If, I am willing to forget the past, if Xiao Yuan has not come back, we should all have found our own happiness, right? The definition of happiness is simple. If, without the objection of his parents, if, if we can persist in loving, maybe our love has been cultivated, right? However, there are not so many ifs in reality, and all kinds of assumptions do not exist. In life, fate is always shallow and blessings are thin. Xiao Yuan, I really want to say goodbye to you. Although I have loved, after all, this kind of love is not what you and I want, and we don't deserve it. On the desk, there was the model piano that Xiao Yuan had sent. It had not been wiped for many days, and it was covered with dust. Xiao Yuan has been standing downstairs, and I can just see his hazy figure standing in front of the bedroom window. I smile at him with tears in my eyes and he won't see. My mother and Xiao Yuan are the two people I love the most in my life, and now they are going to stay away from me! Mom, I can't keep it. Xiao Yuan, I can't afford to stay!