Chapter 16 Chapter 16 You gave it, I can't afford it

Shang Xiuwen drove Gan Lu to the hotel, opened a suite, and sent her to the hotel. After she took a shower and went to bed, he walked into the bedroom. Gan Lu's head was tilted to one side, her eyes were tightly closed. She was a little swollen like never before, and she became pale and haggard under the white pillowcase.He couldn't help reaching out his hand, wanting to touch her, but the moment he touched her skin, tears leaked from the corners of her tightly closed eyes. His finger was fixed, and after a long time, he bowed his head and kissed away the tear, the salty taste from the tip of his tongue reached his heart, and spread out.He pulled the quilt for her, hurried out, and closed the bedroom door behind him.

The next day, when Gan Lu woke up, she saw that Shang Xiuwen was already neatly dressed and sitting on the sofa in the living room. The exhaustion of the past few days hit her, although she managed to fall asleep, she slept very deeply, and she didn't know whether he slept on the sofa in the living room all night or came over early in the morning. While brushing her teeth, she retched again.She tried hard to recall the pregnancy guide she bought. It seems that she should have morning sickness from about 50 days. There is no extra energy to worry about this. She stood up straight, washed her face and rubbed skin care products. Such simple and repetitive actions every day seemed to be a burden. Her hair, skin, and demeanor were dull, as if she had aged several years overnight.

She couldn't help recalling a colleague from Wenhua Middle School. After she became pregnant, her husband took care of the delivery every day. Even though the husband and wife were not close to each other at work, he would often carry a large size warmer at noon. The lunch box arrived on a motorcycle, and the colleagues around me often booed and said: "The love bento has a limited time delivery service." The pregnant woman was taken care of so that she looked radiant and radiant. She often proudly shared her experience with a group of female colleagues who did not have children, and her happiness was beyond words.

Such plain happiness aroused a lot of envy, and also offset the inexplicable fear of pregnancy among the girls including Gan Lu. But now it's her turn, she is at a loss, not to mention having expectations for the child, she can't even know what will happen tomorrow. Thinking of it this way, she couldn't get enough energy to walk out of the bathroom. After standing there blankly for an unknown amount of time, Shang Xiuwen appeared in the mirror. He came over and put his hands on her shoulders: "Are you uncomfortable?" "It's okay." She braced herself and picked up the lip gloss, but immediately remembered that it's best not to wear makeup during pregnancy, so she put it back, "Let's go."

Shang Xiuwen sent Gan Lu to see the house.The housing supply near the High School Attached to Normal University has always been in short supply, and many parents choose to rent a house here to accompany their students.Gan Lu didn't want to live too close to the school, she chose apartments a few stops away.However, looking at two houses in succession, one house is old, poorly structured, not good in ventilation and lighting; the other is brand new, but still has a taste of decoration, and the surrounding environment is too messy. Before Gan Lu could say anything, Shang Xiuwen had already finished answering the phone and came back from the corridor. He frowned and glanced at the house. He immediately said thank you and goodbye to the landlord, and dragged her out involuntarily.

She didn't fancy this apartment either, and she didn't have the energy to argue with him. She got into the car, took out the address and phone number she copied down the day before, and was about to call the third landlord's mobile phone.Shang Xiuwen's cell phone rang first, and he simply responded with "um" and "oh", and after a while, he said, "Uncle, I see, I'll be there tomorrow." Not knowing what was said there, he repeated: "Okay, I see. Let's talk about it later." Gan Lu stretched out her hand to unfasten her seat belt: "Go and do your work. I'll take care of the rest of the houses. They're all around here."

Shang Xiuwen held her down: "You insist on coming out to live, I can't stop you, but I must arrange you well." A bitter smile appeared on the corner of Gan Lu's mouth, and she said wearily, "Yes, mother and child are expensive now, so I have to take good care of them." "Lulu, you know I value children, but that's only because I want to have a child with you. Don't say such things again..." His cell phone rang again, and he picked it up in annoyance to look at it, and then answered, "Yi'an ,What's up?" After a while, he said, "Yi'an, you go to City J first, I'll be there tomorrow." After a short pause, he smiled, "Is it my mother or my uncle telling you something?"

After waiting for a while, he nodded: "Okay, we'll be right over." Putting down his phone, he turned to Gan Lu and said, "Yi'an has an empty house, and he said that if you are in a hurry to find a house, you can live in his place first." , let's go and see." Gan Lu didn't expect to be so troublesome, she frowned: "Why bother him, I don't want to owe favors." "He said that his house had been left unoccupied for almost a year after it was renovated, and it's not too far from your school. Take a look first, as long as you like it, I can still pay him the rent."

Feng Yi'an has already gone there first to wait. His house is on the 25th floor of a lake-viewing high-rise apartment in the urban area. The view and location are excellent. The interior of the three-bedroom apartment is brand new. Feng Yi'an pointed to the interior: "From buying a house I didn’t care about the decoration, it’s all my parents’ taste, and it’s not ugly. Besides, my mother is very demanding, the materials used are absolutely environmentally friendly, and the furniture and electrical appliances are complete, except for daily necessities.” Shang Xiuwen followed Feng Yi'an to inspect all the rooms while asking about the situation of the property.Seeing the two of them shuttling between the rooms, Gan Lu was at a loss. She didn't know what to say for a while, so she just stood in the living room blankly.

When they returned to the living room, Shang Xiuwen said to Gan Lu: "Lulu, this place is good, there is no need to look at other houses, I will go down and buy everything for you later." She didn't want to argue with Feng Yi'an in front of him, so she just kept her lips tightly shut. Feng Yi'an obviously didn't have any intention of inquiring, and handed over a bunch of keys: "Just don't worry, I'll give you all the keys, I won't come here." Gan Lu was still hesitating, but Shang Xiuwen had already picked it up: "Thank you, Yi'an."

"Xiuwen, do we need to be so polite?" Feng Yi'an smiled and turned to Gan Lu, "Lulu, Xusheng has a sales meeting tomorrow morning, which involves the adjustment of this year's sales plan, which is very important. We have to go to City J." "That's what you said..." Gan Lu said wearily, "Yi'an, when did you see me blocking someone's way?" Shang Xiuwen smiled wryly: "It's okay, I'll go shopping first, you wait for me here." Feng Yi'an casually removed the dustproof white cloth, revealing the dark brown leather sofa: "Lulu, you look bad, sit here, I'll go to the property to see if there are hourly workers here, and ask someone to come over and clean it up." "Yi'an, don't be too busy." Gan Lu sat down, "Tell me the truth, you already knew about Xiuwen's role in Xu Sheng, right?" Feng Yi'an raised his hand: "Heaven and earth conscience, he never mentioned it to me. I only found out that the chairman of Xusheng changed hands after reading the newspaper. I was also surprised at the time. After talking with Mr. Wei, who is currently in charge of sales in Xusheng, on the phone, I just learned a little bit more." Gan Lu knew that the Wei he was talking about was always Wu Changzhi's second son-in-law, Wei Huasheng. She thought, at least the Wu family knew about it a long time ago, so she stared blankly ahead and said nothing. "Mr. Wei told me that the board of directors had a long meeting, and Xiuwen kept refusing, but other than that, there was no other way to solve the problems Xu Sheng was facing. On the one hand, Chairman Wu had to bear the burden for his precious son. Part of the responsibility, it is impossible to stay in that position; on the other hand, Yuanwang’s capital entry is conditional, and he has to be responsible to Yuanwang’s shareholders. There is no more suitable candidate except him.” "After all, I'm not the only one who acts like a fool in the eyes of everyone." Gan Lu laughed self-deprecatingly. "Lulu, are you unhappy about this matter? Xiuwen has his own considerations, and it's not a big deal. I don't have time to discuss it with you beforehand, so there's no need to be so angry, right?" Gan Lu said bitterly: "I'm not angry, should I accept it as a surprise?" "Maybe he has his reasons." "Everyone has difficulties. If you really have difficulties, you'd better swallow it yourself. Don't expect others to forgive you unconditionally." Feng Yi'an obviously didn't expect Gan Lu to say such words coldly, and was taken aback for a moment: "Lulu, you are his wife, not someone else, it seems that you should be more considerate of him." "Yi'an, you are not married, but you have been in love. If your lover keeps everything from you, will you act as if nothing happened?" Feng Yi'an thought for a while, then sighed: "No, frankly speaking, in this kind of matter, the more you love, the more you care about it, and you can be calm if you don't love. If I don't take it seriously, I probably won't break up with Xin Chen. I originally wanted to I married her in this house, but now I don't want to take a second look at it." Gan Lu didn't expect to bring up his sadness, but now she has no energy to comfort others, so she can only remain silent. "Xiuwen cares about you. He is usually quite a calm person. You can see that he has lost his normal state just now. When he checked the bathroom, he even went to test whether the floor tiles in the shower room would be slippery after being wet. Said to buy another non-slip mat, you must not fall now." Gan Lu smiled bleakly: "He just cares about the child in my belly." Feng Yi'an didn't know what to say for a while. Gan Lu rested her head on the sofa wearily and closed her eyes. Feng Yi'an received a notice to hold a sales meeting the day before. He and Wei Huasheng have always had a good friendship, and I heard him give a general account of what happened at the press conference.When Wei Huasheng mentioned that Shang Xiuwen slapped his wife in public, he was really surprised.Today he received calls from Wu Changzhi and Wu Lijun successively. They both asked him to persuade Shang Xiuwen to come to J City for a meeting on time, but they both spoke vaguely, and he didn't know what happened between Shang Xiuwen and his wife.At this moment, seeing Gan Lu's pale and haggard face, he couldn't bear it. "How about this, you'd better go to the bedroom and lie down for a while, there is a couch for the imperial concubine, which is more comfortable than leaning on here." Feng Yi'an took her into the master bedroom. There was only a Simmons mattress on the bed inside, and there was a dark maroon chaise longue by the bay window. He took the dustproof cloth covering it and went out.She lay down on it, her weak body pressed against the velvet couch, and took a long breath. She felt that her stubbornness to move out was obviously a matter between Shang Xiuwen and Shang Xiuwen, but being disturbed by Feng Yi'an's sudden jump out like this, it became an unreasonable joke. Lying in this strange room, she was in a state of disarray, still not knowing what to do tomorrow.Her hand involuntarily touched her flat stomach again. In the early summer of last year, in order to prepare for pregnancy, Gan Lu bought a lot of books and studied them carefully. She has already gained a wealth of theoretical knowledge about the process of conception and fetal development.However, at this moment, she has no idea about the tiny embryos that have grown in her womb. When taking a bath these two days, she didn't even dare to look at her body. Do you really want to have a baby in this situation?Once this thought popped up, it was hard to get rid of it. She knew that this idea was very sinful, but she also thought that it was just an embryo that didn't even have a gender. In English, she even used "It" as a personal reference.You don't even know what your next step is. With your current state of mind, how can you ensure the healthy development of your child?Where will you and Shang Xiuwen go? Can you give your child a healthy and harmonious growth environment? Gan Lu fell into a dazed half-sleep state, and dimly realized that Shang Xiuwen came in once, and put a blanket on her. He was standing beside her, and she knew that he must be looking at her, but she didn't want to open her eyes. Open your eyes and meet him.After a long time, he walked out gently. She was very impatient when Shang Xiuwen came in again to wake her up at some point.Lying down like this did not bring relief from fatigue, the body was still as heavy as lead, and he didn't want to move at all.However, Shang Xiuwen pulled her up with a tense voice: "You are bleeding from the nose." She stretched out her hand to touch it, and it turned out to be blood on one hand: "It's nothing, just bring me a towel." "I'll take you to the hospital." "Does the nosebleed need to go to the hospital? It has flowed several times in the past few days, and it stopped after a while." She said angrily, stood up and was about to go to the bathroom, and suddenly remembered that this was someone else's house, and there might not be towels. Turning around and going to the living room, he took out a tissue from his bag and wiped it. Shang Xiuwen came over, without further ado, took the coat and wanted to put it on for her: "Follow me to the hospital and see what the doctor says." Feng Yi'an, who was sitting in the living room, also echoed: "Yes, go to the hospital quickly." Gan Lu shook Shang Xiuwen's hand irritably: "I said no need to go." "Lulu, she had a few nosebleeds for no reason. You have to determine the cause and whether it will affect the child." Gan Lu put down the blood-stained tissue and sneered, "Xiuwen, do you care about the child so much?" "I care as much about the child as you do." "If I don't go to the hospital, the child will be left to his fate." Shang Xiuwen's face changed suddenly: "Don't go too far..." He stopped suddenly, only to see her tilting her head and looking at him, her eyes were unusually bright, almost provocative, as if she was waiting for him to get angry.This kind of Gan Lu was unfamiliar to him, and Feng Yi'an beside him had already stood up and winked at him desperately. He tried to slow down his tone, "Lu Lu, I said, don't say that about our child." "What do you want me to say? There's no way, I'm resigning myself to fate, Shang Xiuwen, if I didn't have this child, would I still be standing here talking nonsense to you?" The deadly silence in the room made Feng Yi'an very uneasy, and he wanted to persuade him, but he didn't know what to say. Gan Lu was still very calm under Shang Xiuwen's gaze, but there was no hint of provocation anymore.Her eyes dimmed, as if a burning had been exhausted in an instant, leaving only ashes of sadness, "Didn't Yi'an say that you have to go to City J? Please, go now, let me alone people stay a while." She turned and went back to the bedroom, closing the door behind her. Looking at the closed bedroom door in front of him, Shang Xiuwen slowly loosened his clenched fist.Feng Yi'an breathed a sigh of relief: "Xiuwen, calm down. She is pregnant, and her mood is unstable now, so you can't argue with her." Shang Xiuwen didn't make a sound, paused for a while, and said in a deep voice, "Let's go." The two went downstairs to the underground garage together, and Feng Yi'an said, "It's better to drive my car, you can rest in the car for a while." Shang Xiuwen hesitated, Feng Yi'an asked strangely: "What's the matter, there will naturally be a car for you when you go to J City, are you still reluctant to part with your Bora?" Shang Xiuwen smiled wryly: "Yi'an, I'm thinking whether to give Lulu the car keys and let her drive to work so as not to squeeze the bus." Feng Yi'an raised his hand in surrender: "You are so meticulous today that I can't believe it. I have gone to and from the supermarket and shopping mall twice, and the things I bought are all kinds of strange things. Well, you go up again." "Forget it, if I appear in front of her now, she will probably go crazy. And she is so mentally weak, I'm afraid she won't be able to concentrate while driving, so let her take a taxi." The two got into Feng Yi'an's Mazda 6, and Feng Yi'an drove the car out of the underground garage. It was already night outside and the lights were on.While driving, Feng Yi'an talked about the recent severe sales situation. "How will we deal with Wu Wei this time?" Feng Yi'an has always had a bad impression of Wu Wei. "What else can I do? My uncle has made such a gesture. Even if it costs money, he must be kept. And the focus now is really not on him. If Yixin really reaches an agreement with the city to annex the smelter, Our situation is more passive." "Xiuwen, there is one thing, even if your wife doesn't ask you, I really have to ask you. This time, He Jingyi is aggressive, is she really just plotting a smelter for Yixin?" "what you think?" "I think it should be more than that, but she has spent so much time and energy to push you to the front stage. Maybe it is a good thing for Xu Sheng. Chairman Wu has been conservative in his thinking for the past two years, and he is only satisfied with occupying two provinces. Most of the low-end market share has been blindly conservative, which has restrained the development of the company. You have been hiding in the background and are unwilling to directly interfere with his operation. Otherwise, Xusheng would not stop at the current scale, and the merger of the smelter would not be necessary. Put it off until today." "I have my own considerations, Yi'an. Moreover, Xusheng's success today is inseparable from my uncle's efforts. This enterprise can be said to be his heart and soul." "I don't deny this, but you can't deny what I said. Especially his appeasement to Wu Wei has caused the current bad results. When the distributors held a meeting last year, someone directly reported to him that there was a problem with the sales department. , the sales area is divided randomly, and the headquarters ignores the interests of small agents, but he didn't take any action, which made everyone chill. Otherwise, how could Wu Wei's incident get to the point of being reported by others and investigated by the relevant departments? He is an old man Know." Shang Xiuwen naturally understood what Feng Yian said, but from the very beginning, he chose to hand over the shares under his name to Wu Changzhi as the nominee shareholder with full trusteeship. specific operations.In the beginning, of course, it was to allow Wu Changzhi to maintain absolute control of the board of directors, and to win the greatest autonomy in the game with the J City Economic Commission.What's more, he was disheartened at that time and couldn't lift his spirits to anything. Later, Xu Sheng successfully developed to a certain scale under the hands of his uncle. Wu Changzhi's son, Wu Wei, and his two sons-in-law are both high-level managers, occupying the management of key departments of the company.Apart from receiving the dividends he deserves every year, Shang Xiuwen is even more unwilling to be involved in it. He used the pretext of reaping profits, but instead ruined his relationship with his relatives for a business that he didn't have much interest in. Wu Changzhi has always valued his opinion, and he must discuss with him every major decision.But Wu Changzhi majored in metal materials. As soon as he graduated from university, he was assigned to Xusheng’s predecessor, a state-owned steel company. As an expert, no one can deny this.He has his own business ideas, and is very conceited and stubborn.Shang Xiuwen couldn't always convince him, most of the time, he only offered advice and was unwilling to force his uncle to change his decision as the biggest shareholder. On the one hand, Xusheng has developed rapidly in the past few years, but on the other hand, as Feng Yian said, there are more and more hidden dangers caused by Wu Changzhi's conservative business thinking and loopholes in management, which began to emerge in the second half of last year. Wu Changzhi had to admit that many of Shang Xiuwen's warnings to him were correct, but Wu Wei let him down more and more.He had no choice but to rely more on Shang Xiuwen, and kept asking him to discuss the next business policy, but it was too late. Shang Xiuwen's idea was to introduce Yuanwang's investment check and balance Wu Changzhi, and then appoint professional managers to regulate the operation of the company. However, before his plan was implemented, He Jingyi's series of arrangements catalyzed all the contradictions of Xu Sheng, and suddenly he Forced to such a position where there is no way to retreat. "Old Wei is a person who does practical things. He has not been very successful in these years. Now he has been transferred from quality control to sales. He is very motivated. We talked on the phone for nearly an hour yesterday. I think we have a lot of ideas. Very consistent." Shang Xiuwen raised his hands and rubbed his swollen and painful temples, and only said "huh" without saying anything.Feng Yi'an found that his thoughts were not in line, so he had to stop talking about business. "Xiuwen, I'm afraid Lulu is not just because you didn't tell her about the shares, you are so proud to be the chairman of Xusheng without discussing with her in advance, after all, she didn't care much about your business before." "That's just one of the reasons." Shang Xiuwen replied simply, but at a glance, he saw a strange smile on the corner of Feng Yi'an's mouth, "Yi'an, what are you thinking?" "To be honest, Xiuwen, we have worked together for so long, and we have a good personal relationship. But if you ask me to speculate on this matter, I can easily think about your personal entanglement with He Jingyi, let alone your personal relationship with He Jingyi. What effect will it have in Lulu's eyes, ordinary women are very concerned about these things." Shang Xiuwen put down his hands, looked straight ahead, and said flatly, "Yi'an, Lulu is not an ordinary woman." "Lulu may be very generous and reasonable, but you must not treat your wife as a saint who can tolerate everything. If she loves you, she must not be able to accept that you have unclear relationships with other women." "That's long overdue." "I understand your character and determination, and I didn't say that you and He Jingyi had any ambiguity. But when He Jingyi came to the company to look for you, I saw that your previous relationship was unusual. The expression she looked at our office was like The queen was inspecting the colony. It happened that when you came back from dinner, you were bumped into by Lulu. Don't tell me that you didn't realize how unfriendly He Jingyi looked at your wife. If it was a relationship that ended long ago, she There's really no need to act like that. How can Lulu not feel what I can see?" Of course, Shang Xiuwen clearly remembered He Jingyi's sudden visit that day and the encounter with Gan Lu downstairs in his office. He Jingyi looked at the somewhat crowded open office area outside in surprise, completely ignoring the curious eyes of the company staff, and glanced at everyone, then walked into the office he shared with Feng Yian, but did not sit down, her eyes stayed on his desk on the photo above. It was a group photo of him and Gan Lu going to the Maldives for their honeymoon. He was wearing a white shirt, and Gan Lu was wearing a tropical-style suspender dress with large flowers. The golden sunset sprinkled on them, Gan Lu smiled very heartily towards the distance, and he was watching her bright smile with a smile on his lips.This photo was taken by Shang Shaokun for them, and both he and Gan Lu liked it very much. Of course Feng Yi'an noticed He Jingyi's strange gaze, he winked at Shang Xiuwen sympathetically, and walked out. "Jingyi, why did you suddenly come here today?" He Jingyi looked at his small office again with a half-smile, and then her eyes fell on his face: "Are we talking here? Let's find another quiet place, and it's time for dinner soon." Shang Xiuwen really didn't want her to stay in the company, so he nodded in agreement.The two went downstairs and drove to a western restaurant. After ordering their own food, He Jingyi stopped after eating a little, seeming a little hesitant: "Xiuwen, I didn't expect you to be content with such a small business now." "It's not a bad thing for a person to adapt to various environments." Shang Xiuwen said leisurely. When He Jingyi proposed to ask Anda to supply construction steel bars for Yixin's local investment project that will be launched in the next year, he flatly refused: "Jingyi, if it's not the first time for you to host a project for Yixin, you should know that a project of this scale For investment, there is no need to negotiate a supply contract with an agent, just let the manufacturer participate in the bidding directly." "Do you think I might cooperate with your uncle?" She sneered. "You have no reason to hate him. He had no conflict of interest with you back then. Everything he did was for me." He Jingyi snorted, and stopped talking about Wu Changzhi: "You rejected this proposal because it came from me." "Wrong." He replied calmly, "For me, business is business, only reasonable or not, no personal likes and dislikes." "You have changed, Xiuwen." He Jingyi stared at him with her beautiful eyes wide open, "Since we met again, you have been using diplomatic words with me. I can only speculate that you have always hated me." "I never hated you, Jingyi, let alone always, let the past go." He laughed dumbfounded, "Seeing that you are now successful in your career, I am happy for you." "But I can't be happy when I see you in such a peaceful and despondent manner. Why can't you seize this opportunity to start a new career, and how much progress can you make by working hard for your uncle? Last time in J City, I've already told you that even if you help him, you won't be able to reverse Xu Sheng's situation." "I'm very satisfied with my current living conditions, and I don't plan to make any changes. As for Xusheng, I can understand your position for Yixin's work." He Jingyi sneered: "Xiuwen, if you don't emphasize that you are satisfied with your current life, I might really think that you have indeed forgotten the past." Shang Xiuwen could only smile wryly: "You always like to reason by intuition, and you may be able to draw unusual conclusions, but the reliability is a little bit worse." He looked at his watch, "It's getting late, I have to go back to work, let's go .” He Jingyi drove him downstairs, just in time to meet Gan Lu and Feng Yi'an coming out. Shang Xiuwen was almost inexplicably nervous for a moment, but when he saw Gan Lu's calm and calm demeanor, he was completely relieved. However, it seemed that it was that meeting that gave He Jingyi the idea of ​​further testing.She actually persuaded Xinhe to come out to testify against Anda, trying to get him to turn around and agree to cooperate with her. He was annoyed, but he flatly refused. It's just that when he realized that what He Jingyi was plotting was not limited to forcing him to submit, nor was it as simple as a smelter in J City, the situation had already developed out of his control. Feng Yi'an drove the car out of the urban area, got on the highway, and continued: "Looking back now, I guess she must have manipulated Xinhe to point out that the steel bars supplied by Anda were substandard. Not to mention it was her handiwork. Just plotting a smelter for Yixin does not necessarily involve Anda. I can only conclude that she either hates you and wants revenge; or still love you." Shang Xiuwen was silent, he didn't think that Feng Yian, who had been depressed for a long time after being emotionally hurt, could analyze the predicament he was facing, but he had to admit that some things were indeed hit by Feng Yian's words.This does not require a complex reasoning mind, not to mention that Gan Lu is very smart and has always been good at analysis and inference. Feng Yi'an obviously had his own understanding of his silence: "Xiuwen, Lulu has always been sensible and reasonable, and I won't be angry with you for too long." "If she's willing to get angry with me, I'll feel a little more relieved." Shang Xiuwen sighed, as if he was about to let out all his foul breath, but what appeared before his eyes was Gan Lu's overly calm face full of sorrow s eyes. "Her reaction is so big, it proves that she cares about you very much. If you meet a girl who treats you indifferently no matter what the situation, you know that it's really terrible." Of course Shang Xiuwen knew that Feng Yi'an was referring to something, but he was not in the mood to talk about it with others at the moment, he just smiled wryly, leaned back in the chair, closed his eyes, and stopped talking. Gan Lu stayed in Feng Yi'an's house.Soon she found that, except for the absence of Wu Lijun, it was basically the same as her previous life. I don't know how many times Shang Xiuwen went back and forth before leaving that day. When Gan Lu came out of the bedroom the next day, he found that the room had been tidied up. style bedding, right down to the fridge overflowing with fruit, her old favorite snacks. At three o'clock in the afternoon, the hourly worker, Miss Hu, took the key and opened the door and came in with a hand full of vegetables. She didn't even feel surprised. Sister Hu said happily, "Xiao Gan, congratulations." "Congratulations for what?" As soon as the words came out, she came to her senses, and smiled awkwardly, and could only secretly admit that she had indeed become much duller these days. "Xiao Shang told me that you are pregnant, it is more convenient to go to work from here, and you will live here in the future. He said that you are used to the dishes I cook, so let me come here to take care of you, and the salary will be increased. Yes. Xiaoshang is really careful, told me that your appetite and spirit have been very bad these days, and asked me to try my best to cook nutritious and light dishes, and specially made a list for me." Gan Lu pulled herself together and asked, "Then who will cook the food for mom?" "Director Wu also asked me to come here. She said that she would hire another hourly worker, and now she will mainly take care of you." Sister Hu quickly put the things in her hand, "I came out early today and looked around. There is a pretty big vegetable market, it is very convenient to buy vegetables, just tell me what you want to eat." "Thank you Miss Hu." "Thank you. Xiaogan, your mother-in-law is very nice. But young people are more free to live by themselves. I think back when I was pregnant with my eldest..." While Sister Hu was busy, she chattered lively, adding a bit of life to this empty and deserted house.Gan Lu seemed to be listening, but felt that under Shang Xiuwen's arrangement, her running away from home was getting closer and closer to a boring farce, she was a bit dumbfounded, but she didn't bother to say anything. She has been exhausted mentally and mentally for days, and has neither appetite nor energy to pay attention to her body.She had been in a coma yesterday, and she didn't know when Shang Xiuwen left.She fell asleep until she was so hungry that her stomach hurt, so she went downstairs to buy something to eat, but she only ate half of it, and then felt sick again. The bowls and chopsticks went home.When she went to bed at night, she just shook off the sheets and put on the duvet, and she didn't have the energy to do housework at all. Seeing Sister Hu come over now, she first chooses vegetables and stews, and then cleans up the house. She has neither the toughness nor the hypocrisy, and she does not intend to let Sister Hu go back, leaving herself to fend for herself. Gan Lu went to work on time on Monday, and the new semester officially started.No matter how uncomfortable you are, you can't stop working.But with a busy job, the physical discomfort became bearable. She still felt tired, but instead of falling asleep in the room the day before, she felt exhausted to the point of despair. When it was time to get off work, she walked out of the school, and Shang Xiuwen came up to meet her, took her bag with one hand, and supported her with the other, she just followed him into the car numbly. "Did you feel sick this morning?" "a little bit." "Have you had a nosebleed again?" "No." "I went to consult a doctor, and she said that the capillary constriction may be caused by weather changes. If the flow continues, it is best to go to the ENT department." "Ok." "Do you have an appetite for the lunch in the school cafeteria? Otherwise, ask sister Hu to bring you lunch at noon." "That's not necessary." There was no way to continue the conversation, and the two of them were silent all the way. When they got home, Sister Hu had already cooked the meal, and the table was full of her favorite dishes.Despite her loss of appetite, she barely drank some soup and ate half a bowl of rice.After eating, she was about to clear the table according to her habit, when Shang Xiuwen stopped her: "Let me do it." Shang Xiuwen never did housework before, but she didn't want to be polite to him, so she washed her hands and went back to the bedroom. This bedroom has been neatly tidied up by Sister Hu, but the bedding was bought by Shang Xiuwen in a hurry. Although it can be seen that the price is expensive, it does not match the decoration style, curtains, and wallpaper. A little bit of the feeling of living in someone else's home. Gan Lu moved a floor lamp to the bay window, sat on the window sill, opened the textbooks and lesson plans, and took lesson preparation notes as usual to prepare the lecture content for this week.She has always been unable to tolerate being unprepared, and taking classes based on past experience, even if it is a well-known content, she will combine the current progress and the level of learning of the students to prepare all over again.What's more, the curriculum reform is imminent, and the teaching and research group has assigned some of the trial lectures to her, and she needs to submit a paper in the middle of the semester, and she doesn't want to be careless. After a while, Shang Xiuwen walked in: "Lulu, go to the study, it's easy to get tired sitting like this." She spread her textbooks on her arched legs, which was indeed not a comfortable position.Before she could say anything, Shang Xiuwen had already come over and cleaned up the books she had spread aside, and reached out to help her. She could only smile wryly: "I haven't reached the point where I can't move." In the past few days, she has no desire to visit other rooms of this house at all. Now she followed Shang Xiuwen into the study room, only to find that there is a balcony connected to it. The decoration is very simple. Her laptop and frequently used books must have been brought here by Shang Xiuwen. "Thank you." She was really worrying, she didn't get a few reference books in a hurry, and she was thinking about whether to buy more. Shang Xiuwen also had a wry smile on his face: "You're welcome." She continued to prepare lessons, and after about an hour, Shang Xiuwen walked in again: "I'll take you out for a walk, don't sit still for a long time." His meticulous care made her feel a little uncomfortable.She bowed her head in silence for a moment, then put on her coat and followed him downstairs. 这栋公寓旁边有一个小小的湖泊，本地虽然一向以江河纵横、湖泊众多出名，可闹市区的湖泊到底还是稀有的，配上一个绿化广场，不但是周围林立的楼房的重要卖点，也是市民聚集休憩的好场所。现在正当残冬时节，天气仍然寒冷，广场上只有一些老太太随着音乐在兴致勃勃地跳舞，给孩子们玩的小电瓶车等游乐设施冷冷清清地闲置在一边。 尚修文与甘璐顺着湖边小径慢慢走着，湖面的粼粼波光上反映着四周高楼的通明灯火，被寒风吹得摇曳不定。出来散步的人并不多，相隔不远的大道上车水马龙的噪声传来，更衬得这边安静得近乎奇怪。 尚修文握住甘璐的手，她微微缩了一下，也就任由他掌心的温度包裹住她冰凉的手指，他们都穿着慢跑鞋，踩在防腐木铺就的小道上，脚步声响得轻而一致。 “关于过去的事，我想我应该跟你讲得更清楚一些。” “修文，我当初接到师大历史系的录取通知书，很不开心，总以为好容易摆脱了高考的威胁，以后还是得不停去死记硬背。” 尚修文不知道她怎么会突然说到这件事，可这是几天来她头一次心平气和地跟他讲话，他当然不想打断她。 “真正开始学了以后，我才知道，历史最麻烦的地方不是需要去背，而是它充满了不确定性。中国历朝历代的皇帝都注重修史，史学很发达，各种史料浩如烟海，可是中国历史一样还是充满谜团，各种史料真真假假，虚虚实实，不管从哪一种角度解读，都会有不同的说法。” “所以你才真正对历史有了兴趣，对吗？” 他开口一问，甘璐似乎有点儿吃惊，侧头想了想，嘴角牵动一下，却终于没有笑出来：“我想说什么来着，唉，我废话扯得太远，其实我想说的只是，时间让历史变得模糊，再怎么研究，大概也不可能完全还原。具体到每个人的历史，那就更纯粹是很私人的事了。谁对谁都不可能完全没有保留，至于你，你已经错过了对我讲你过去的最佳时间，现在我对你的历史没研究的兴致了。” “璐璐，既然你不想再听到道歉、解释，”尚修文的声音低沉，带着点儿涩然，“那么，就当这个孩子给了我们一个全新的开始，我们好好生活下去吧。” “恐怕一个孩子给不了一个充满疑问的婚姻全新的开始。我也讲点儿我的过去吧，”甘璐踌躇一下，“我以前对你讲过我小时候的事，不过我很少提到我妈妈对不对？” “因为他们的离婚吗？” “离婚？不，我不恨他们离婚。从我记事起，我爸和我妈的感情就不好，离婚以前，他们吵得很厉害，也很频繁。他们不想当着我的面吵，总是在我睡着以后，关了他们房间的门，尽量压低声音。不过吵架这件事，简直就没法悄悄地进行。”甘璐看着远方，苦笑一下，“我不止一次站在他们房门外偷听，吓得发抖，可是完全不知道怎么才能让他们不吵。” 她茫然看着前方，记得那个小女孩站在紧闭的房门外，听着里面隐约传出吵闹和摔东西的声音，一点清冷的明月光从窗外投射进来，照出一个狭长变形的光圈，而她站在那个光圈内，手指只能紧紧抓住自己睡衣的衣襟，孤独而无助地呆呆站着。 似乎正是从那时起，她再怎么长大，再怎么学会对着意外保持镇定的姿态，也保留了在紧张时抓住衣襟这个本能的动作。 尚修文以前曾一边看甘璐旧时的照片，一边听她讲童年时的趣事，诸如父亲怎么带她转几趟公共汽车去郊区抓蝴蝶做标本，怎么在错过末班车后一路走回家……她几乎从来不提母亲，说到父母的离婚，她十分轻描淡写，一带而过，看不出任何情绪，却没想到也有如此不愉快的记忆，他知道她现在并不需要他的安慰，只能怜惜地握紧她的手。 “他们为什么吵，我不大有印象了，可是我记得最清楚的一句话是妈妈说的。她对我爸说：'你别指望用女儿拖住我，如果不是有璐璐，我还会站在这里跟你废话吗？'”她转回头，看着尚修文，“前天我似乎也跟你说了类似的话。” 尚修文能感觉到两个人紧握的掌心沁出了一点儿冷汗：“生气时急不择言是常事，你有充足的理由生我的气，我不介意那句话，你也不要总把那些不愉快的事放在心上。” 甘璐不置可否，再度看向前方：“我一直以为我很理智，比别的小孩来得通情达理，可以平静地接受父母的离婚，接受妈妈对她的生活有别的安排，毕竟她跟我爸不是一路人，勉强在一起相看两厌没什么意思。可是前天对你一说完那话，我突然发现，我从来没忘了我妈对我的这个嫌弃，一直耿耿于怀。” “你母亲对你是很关心的，那次你带我去见她以后，她给我打过电话，告诉我，如果生意上有需要，只管去找她，她希望我能让你生活得好一点儿。” 甘璐一怔，随即笑了：“我妈一向看人眼光狠，居然跟我一样被你瞒过了，以为你做小本生意，需要人提携，看来我也没什么好介意的。” “璐璐—” 甘璐不理会他，继续说下去：“是呀，她很关心我，其实她对什么都放得下，唯独就是没彻底放下我。要不是有了我，她说得上无牵无挂，活得会更洒脱一些。当年她本来有机会跟一个条件不错、年龄相当的男人移民去国外，可她想来想去，说只怕一走，跟我就更没感情了，结果还是留了下来。我明知道她对我很好，有时甚至说得上是在讨好我，可我就是不肯跟她亲近。不知道是真为我爸爸不值呢，还是小时候那点儿恐惧和恨留在心里了。” 她声音娓娓，一如平时般不疾不徐，似乎在平和地回忆旧事，然而尚修文已经听出了她话里的意思。 “璐璐，我们和你父母的情况并不一样，我是爱你的。” “我爸还很爱我妈呢，我妈比任何人都清楚这一点。不过有什么用？”她苦笑一声，“他给的她不要，她要的嘛，他又给不了。爱这个东西，只有当给的人和接受的人同样理解、同样重视的时候，才算得上有意义。你的爱……很特别，我既理解不了，大概也要不起了。” 这个直截了当的断言让尚修文一下站住了脚步，他执起甘璐的手，深深地看向她：“我知道，我那样坦白以后，你只会更疑惑。现在你该理解我选择有些事不说的苦衷了吧。” 甘璐似笑非笑地摇头：“你大概吃定了我做一个一无所知的傻瓜更快乐吧？” 尚修文无可奈何：“以你一向的聪明，璐璐，你会愿意跟一个有这么多往事的男人搅在一起吗？恐怕当初我一坦白，你就会离我远远的。” “我得承认，你了解我所有可能的反应，修文。如果不是你亲爱的前女友这样突然跳出来，我大概就一直在你的安排之下生活了。” “是我不对，我只是，”尚修文踌躇一下，声音低沉，“我只是不想错过你，更怕失去你。” “呀，如果现在还说这个话，你可真是侮辱我的智商了。你会怕什么？一切尽在你的掌控之中，我根本从来没脱离过你的计划。现在回想一下，我真是觉得既害怕又荣幸，想我何德何能，值得你这样花心思。”甘璐无声地笑了，直笑得肩膀抖动，可是没有一丝愉悦之意。 “别把我的一切举动都想象成心怀叵测，璐璐，那些事确实都过去了，我只是不想让你被往事困扰。” “没人能斩断和过去的联系。坦白讲，如果我们不是夫妻，我倒是能理解你。换了是我，我也不会主动跟人去告解的。不是人人都能担当神父的角色，做到无条件体谅宽恕。” “我没资格向你要无条件的宽恕，哪怕你已经不信任我了，我也一样得跟你说，璐璐，我和你结婚，是因为我爱你。” “以这种方式爱吗？我可不感谢你选中了我。”她嘴角那个笑意来得越发惨淡苦涩。 “我们还有很长的时间，你给我机会，我们来重新建立信任。” “对不起，你一说到很长的时间，我就忍不住有点儿绝望了。” 甘璐这个萧索的语气让尚修文一窒：“璐璐，你不可以这样想。” “我还能怎么想？你第一次跟我说到要孩子的时候，我真的是很迟疑的。我不知道自己算不算准备好了，也不知道我能不能做一个比我妈妈合格称职的母亲。克服这个迟疑，我需要下的决心比你想象的要大得多。”她茫然地摇摇头，似乎要把那些回忆从眼前挥去。 “这是我们两个人一块儿做的决定，正是想永远跟你在一起，我才渴望有一个我们的孩子。 “我不想威胁你，可是以我们现在这种情形，真保不齐会像我父母似的，成一对怨偶，那样的话，对孩子并不公平。 “我一直认为，一个人过什么样的生活，全靠自己去选择去把握，你怎么能断言我们会重复别人的生活。 “我没你这份自信，尤其是现在，我才发现，我过得居然一直是被选择的生活。你向生活妥协娶了我，现在又让我向孩子妥协，跟你继续下去。”不等尚修文反驳，甘璐轻轻地笑着说，“如果我下不了狠心不要孩子，似乎就没得选择了。” “不是你想的那样，我娶你只是因为……” “别别，不用说那些话了。看清楚事实后还需要你来哄，可真就傻得没救了。”甘璐仰头看着他，脸上神情平静如水，“好吧，在没有做最后决定以前，我不会再说拿孩子赌气的话，请你也体谅我的心情，不要再来刺激我。” 尚修文握紧她的手：“璐璐，你这个判断对我们两年的婚姻生活来讲，是很不公平的。” “关于公平，我们不用多争论了，没什么意思。”甘璐意兴索然，垂头看着地上长长的影子，“我现在只能尽力不去想这两年的生活，不然除了景仰你以外，对自己简直没一点儿信心可言了。回去吧，我累了。” 他们往回走，尚修文仍然握着甘璐的手，掌心的温度传达到她的手上，她的肩头抵着他的右臂，他们的身影被昏黄的路灯斜斜投射在前方，一高一低连在一起。 这与往常他们散步的情形并无二致。 然而，一切都不一样了—甘璐能感到尚修文的手掌收紧，将她的手更紧地嵌入了他的掌握之中。那个力度足以让她感到疼痛，她却一声不吭，任由他用力握着，仿佛这个疼痛能镇住她心底不愿意去正视的钝痛。