Chapter 22 Chapter 21

The distance is so close, but I don't have the strength to call out his name, and I can't take a step, as if there is still a world of distance between me, I can't make it, and he can't make it. Qi Shuli sent someone to England that night. After learning of Annie's intention to marry Chen Jinsen, the man panicked to the extreme. I have known him for so many years, and I have never seen him panic like this.But it seems that it is not so easy to find their people. Qi Shuli was so worried that he called every day to inquire, but it seemed that there was not much progress.After I was discharged from the hospital, I still lived with Geng Mochi in the water side. We were anxiously waiting for the news, and at the same time we were packing up and preparing to go to the United States for surgery, but because of Annie, everyone was restless.

And this winter seems to have never been colder, and it snowed again. In the evening, I sat by the French windows on the water side and watched the snowflakes flying outside. There was a fire in the fireplace in the living room, and the room was warm.Qi Shuli and Geng Mochi sat on the sofa opposite me, the atmosphere was very tense.The reason is that I insisted on accompanying Geng Mochi to the United States for surgery, but Qi Shuli refused to agree, no matter what, he refused. "You were so seriously ill this time that you almost died, and you traveled so far to the United States, what if your illness relapses?" Qi Shuli's attitude was very firm.

Geng Mochi also disapproved of my going, glared at me and said, "What are you doing there? You can't help anything, and people miss you, so why bother to let me bring you into the operating room?" I bit my lip, and after a while, I finally forced out a sentence: "If you don't let me go, I will die for you!" "Kaoer!" "Kaoer!" Both men stared at me and yelled at me. I glared at them too, uncompromisingly. Finally, Qi Shuli fell down on the sofa in frustration, "We really owed her in our previous life!" After he returned to his room, I helped Geng Mochi to bed upstairs in the bedroom.He is very weak now, he has to be supported when he walks, and there is only a skeleton left in his whole body.Soon he fell asleep, and slept peacefully.I couldn't sleep and kept packing.Qi Shuli said that we will fly to the United States by special plane in two days.

Tidying up until early morning, I was very tired and was about to rest for a while, when I suddenly found that the lock on the attic door on the top floor was open. The door was always locked. I have been in and out of the water for so long, and I have never seen anyone go in. Pass.A strong subconsciousness tells me that there must be some unknown things hidden here, just like what is often shown in movies and TV dramas, many secrets of the protagonist are discovered in such narrow corners. With a creak, I pushed open the door. He fumbled for the switch tremblingly, only a small dim light bulb was on.

It's a mess inside, with a lot of unused items and household items piled up.This house has changed owners several times, it should be left by the previous owner, and there should be things from Geng Mochi.It may not be cleaned for a long time, and the furniture is covered with dust. My heart was beating wildly.I searched carefully, and when I opened the innermost desk drawer, a beautifully packaged diary came into my eyes.I took that diary, opened the first page and knew who wrote it, Yesha! I fell to the floor, holding the diary, my heart was about to burst out of my throat. This mysterious woman has disappeared from this world since she and Qi Shujie both committed suicide. I tried my best to find no clues about her. On the one hand, this woman was a low-key person during her lifetime, and very few friends had anything to do with her. Two, Geng Mochi seldom mentioned his dead wife to me, and even if he sometimes slipped his mouth, he would point to the point and never say a word. He almost stubbornly defended Ye Sha. privacy.So for a long time, Ye Sha's death has been a mystery in my heart, but I can't do anything to solve it. Now I am holding her diary, will the answer be in it?

Ye Sha is a person who is indifferent on the outside but extremely delicate and sensitive on the inside. From her diary, it can be seen that she cares a lot about other people's impressions and opinions of her, especially people who are important to her, such as Geng Mochi.Most of the entire diary is about her husband. From her crush when she was a girl, to marrying him as an adult, every word in the lines reveals that she is obsessed with this man and has no regrets. She is willing to spend the best youth for him, even if she knows The other party does not love himself. She is a very caring woman, and she wrote about her dissatisfaction with her husband more than once in her diary: "Today I used the newly bought perfume, which smells very light but has a long aftertaste. Sprayed some in the bedroom, I hope he can feel it. Unexpectedly, as soon as he entered the bedroom, he would lean on the bedside and read a book. When he was tired, he would turn off the light and go to sleep. He didn't even look at me. I slept next to him and hugged him Looking at him, hoping that he could at least feel the smell of me, but he pushed me away, said "tired, go to sleep" and ignored me... This is the man I love? I do it for him After so many things, he didn't feel at all..."

Another diary also wrote: "Sometimes I am really discouraged, forget it, forget it, there is no hope, he really treats me like air, ignores my existence but relies on me, because leaving me gives him His performances are tasteless. But he always comes to comfort me when I am discouraged, and sends some flowers or perfume. It is like this every time. There is nothing new. What am I to him? , is it just his music partner? Doesn’t he know that I am his wife? What I need is not flowers and perfume, what I need is his love, his love! But there is no way, he always says he can’t leave Blame me, yesterday I made up my mind to go back to France, but he hugged me to the death and refused to let go, begging me not to leave, so helpless, I can't help myself..."

I opened my mouth in surprise. In my guess, even if the marriage between Geng Mochi and Ye Sha was not happy, it should be considered perfect. They are typical gifted scholars and beautiful women who share the same goals, but I didn’t expect their marriage to be so unbearable. In the diary, Geng Mochi's various indifferences to her are listed, and at the same time, it also talks about the acquaintance with Qi Shujie.According to the diary, they met when they were seeing a psychiatrist. Because of the same symptoms, they naturally have a common language. This is something I did not expect. I never knew that Qi Shujie had been seeing a psychiatrist.Ye Sha said that the doctor's surname was Lin, he was a man, and he was very famous in Xingcheng. She also went to see this doctor under the arrangement of Geng Mochi. Maybe Geng Mochi never dreamed that his accidental arrangement completely ruined his marriage. , and completely lost his wife——

"He is a very interesting man, he always speaks in such a humorous way, and it is easy to be with him..." Ye Sha spoke highly of Qi Shujie in her diary, and her appreciation for him grew day by day, and later she even praised him as "a real man." man".Maybe they had gone off the rails at that time, and the two often had trysts secretly, mostly in Xiangbei not far from Xingcheng. In the diary, Yesha also revealed Qi Shujie's inner world that I didn't know, which shocked me so much that I almost stopped breathing! "It turns out that he also loves another woman in his heart, and that woman is actually his childhood sister. Today when Ajie told me about this, I was very shocked. I asked him if he loved his wife, and he said yes. Love, but the feeling is different. He is more of a transfer of love to his wife, but the younger sister is the whole spiritual world for him. For many years, he has been shackled by this feeling, tortured but And there is no way to get rid of it. On the surface, he wants to maintain his normal marriage and take care of his wife in every possible way, so in order to maintain his psychological balance, he has to resort to the comfort of a psychiatrist. Up to now, seeing a psychiatrist alone cannot solve the problem. Said that the load on the heart is getting bigger and bigger, and said that I have never felt so tired, very tired, very tired, and I have a desire to be completely free. I said that I am the same, and I also want to be free. Why are we so similar? The fate is too strange..."

My hand holding the diary began to shake. Four years of marriage. When has he acted abnormally? Even in the last days of his life, he was too normal to be normal, but he didn't expect that under his "normal" appearance, there was a deformed love hidden.Why can't he tell his wife?If we talked about it, perhaps there would be no subsequent tragedy.Regarding the final tragedy, Ye Sha had a very bad prophecy from the very beginning. She described her relationship with Qi Shujie as dangerous in her diary many times. "I think this man is more complicated than I imagined, a little abnormally complicated, and the strange thing is that I can't live without him. Every time I meet him, I feel that his inner struggle is escalating. I also know that Going on for a long time is not an option. Mochi will find out sooner or later. I will definitely lose him by then. With his personality, it is absolutely impossible to tolerate my wife Hongxing cheating... But just because I lost Geng Mochi does not mean that I can get Qi Shujie , He has already made it very clear that there will be no results with me, we just need each other to comfort each other. When I met him yesterday, I mentioned this issue again, and I said that I can’t go on like this, it’s strange, he He also said that he can't go on like this anymore, I don't know what he means, but I feel very bad..."

In fact, Ye Sha already had a premonition that her relationship with Qi Shujie had come to an end. In her diary later, this premonition became stronger and stronger. She suffers from insomnia all the time. When she closes her eyes, she is Geng Mochi, and when she opens her eyes, it is Qi Shujie. These two men tortured her until she was neither human nor ghost. The most important thing is the resentment towards Geng Mochi, saying that he only knows to be busy with work and performances all day long, and he doesn't care about his wife's nerves that are about to collapse. "I will make him regret it, and he will regret it. How could he treat me like this? I have already told him the date of our wedding anniversary, but he still forgot. In the end, he just called to apologize and said that it was my birthday. I would make up for it when I was late, and asked me hypocritically what gift I wanted for my birthday. His birthday was right after mine, so I asked him what gift he wanted, and he said that any gift was fine. Is it really all right? I I asked him this way, and he said yes...I have been thinking for the past few days, what gift can I give him to make him unforgettable? Can he realize his mistakes and regret his life? Yesterday I asked Ajie, the best gift What is the precious gift, he told me it was life... Is this the gift I want to give him? Will he wake up after receiving my gift?" This is Yesha's last diary entry, and then something happened to her, and her life is like the blank paper behind the diary, which will always be blank.I have burst into tears after reading this, and I don’t hate Ye Sha anymore. This poor woman is undoubtedly a victim of this emotional catastrophe, including Qi Shujie, who also sacrificed herself entirely. Maybe Ye Sha doesn’t know, her The lover Qi Shujie and the younger sister that her husband Geng Mochi has always loved are the same person! This is where the cruelty of fate lies.Including the acquaintance and love between me and Geng Mochi, the appearance of Qi Shuli, and all the grievances and grievances that happened in between, are actually the arrangements of fate. No one can escape the catastrophe, who will survive this catastrophe in the end, who knows? "Kaoer, what gift do you want for the New Year?" On the plane flying to the United States, Qi Shuli suddenly asked this question. At that time, I was still immersed in the great grief brought by the diary, and I was really shocked when I heard the word "gift". I thought of the last and most expensive gift that Ye Sha gave Geng Mochi - life! I looked at Qi Shuli in horror, and shook my head again and again, "I don't need any gifts, I don't need anything, don't give me gifts, don't give me any..." "What's wrong? Why this expression?" Qi Shuli glanced at me in surprise, and touched my forehead worriedly, "Are you okay, you were fine just now, I didn't give you a bomb as a gift, why are you so nervous? " "I'd rather you give me the bomb." "Fool!" Qi Shuli scratched the tip of my nose lovingly, which is his usual gesture of intimacy, "Why would I give you a bomb? I can at most give you my heart..." Seattle, I'm back! Charming harbor. Quiet Mount Rainier. The sky is as blue as washing. Cherry blossom rain all over Lake Washington. The strong aroma of coffee fills the streets. The blue waves in the Lianhe Lake area are rippling, and couples of mandarin ducks swim leisurely.Everything remains the same.I thought I would never come back in this life.Breathing this long-lasting air, I wet my clothes with tears of sentimentality. On the night of our arrival, a group of us had dinner at the revolving restaurant on the Space Needle.Through the curved floor-to-ceiling glass windows, you can have a panoramic view of the entire Seattle Harbor, with bright lights and the prosperity of all beings, so beautiful that it doesn't seem to be in the world. Qi Shuli sat across from Geng Mochi and me, with a smile on his face, feeling very emotional, "I never expected that we would still have the opportunity to dine in such a beautiful scenery. The prosperity of life is nothing more than this." "Me too, very satisfied!" Geng Mochi filled him with red wine. "Drink less." I told. Qi Shuli quickly interrupted, "Cathy, it's this time, what are you still worried about? I wish I could get drunk and never wake up, so let's have fun." I was a little funny, and when he arrived in Seattle, he called me again "" Cathy." Geng Mochi looked at his former opponent thoughtfully, "Frank, you seem to have something on your mind." Qi Shuli was startled, a little absent-minded, and looked away from the window. Two days later, Geng Mochi fainted again and was hospitalized. He knew that he might not be able to wait for the donated heart, and he would die before the donor.None of us knew who the donor was, not even Qi Shuli. He said: "It was my subordinate who contacted me. I really don't know who it is." I have given up hope. Dr. Smith injected Geng Mochi with a new drug that can greatly stimulate the vitality of the heart, but the maximum dose should not exceed three pills a day.Now, he uses two a day. To him, life was already so weak that it was like a wisp of smoke that could be melted away with just one breath.I don't know what kind of chemical reaction the drug was injected into his blood. After being in a coma for a day and a night, he opened his eyes to me in a daze. It was early in the morning, and the breeze blew the elegant gauze curtains, flashing a piece of lush green, and the pink ones should be cherry blossoms, densely piled up in the yard like clusters of pink clouds.The warm sunlight shone in through the gauze curtain, and he actually smiled, and the quiet smile ran down his face, on such a pale and weak face, he still looked pitiful. I sat by his bed and could only smile at him. His lips trembled slightly, trying to speak.I leaned over and put my ear to his lips, breathlessly, he uttered a few words with difficulty: "I, I want...to marry you..." I burst into tears, nodded with a smile, "...Okay." "I want you...to be my wife justifiably..." "I promise you, Mochi." I said "hmm" again and again, tears rolled down his face, he reached out his hand to wipe it for me, but he couldn't lift his arm.I hugged his head and rubbed my cheek against his forehead, "I'll get ready right away, right away!" Yes, he finally despaired.He doesn't believe in the afterlife, and he knows that I don't believe in it either. He still has a sigh of relief, and he hopes it's still too late for me to be his wife.Righteously, what a stinging word!I thought the April Fool's Day wedding a few years ago had faded away, but it turned out to be a hurdle in his heart that he couldn't get past. I let go, but he still couldn't let go.He wanted to lie down in that cemetery with a smile on his face, so when the countdown to his life began, he wanted to make up for the regret. I wiped my tears with my sleeve, and when I left the ward, I suddenly found his ex-wife Milan standing in the corridor. "I asked her to come," Qi Shuli on the side quickly explained, "Steven and I are going to have surgery soon, and I don't worry if you don't have a caring person by your side." Milan walked up to me slowly, with a calm expression, "You don't need to welcome me, but he is my ex-husband after all, I...I want to see him off for the last time, you will understand?" I watched her silent. "Cathy, after going through so many things, shouldn't we learn to forgive?" Qi Shuli thought I was conflicted, so he was busy with my work.In fact, he misunderstood. I just don't know how to face Milan. The distance between the two has been too long, and I don't know how to get along.I sighed softly and changed the subject, "Mochi wants to marry me." "Really?" "yes." "Then do as he said." Qi Shuli replied very simply, without knowing what was in his heart.He also seemed to be very weak, and his complexion was worse than Geng Mochi's. I almost forgot that he was also a seriously ill patient who was about to be pushed into the operating room.He turned his head to Milan, "You just help them prepare, preferably before my operation." "Why?" My eyes showed doubts. He smiled dazedly, "Need to say? I have no hope in this life, why not be beautiful? In the next life, I will definitely meet you earlier than him. I bet, I will definitely meet you earlier than him." Milan accompanied me to choose the wedding dress, because Qi Shuli's operation was scheduled very soon, we had to buy time.Moreover, Dr. Smith said that the condition of the heart donor is already very dangerous, and he may stop breathing at any time. As soon as he stops breathing, Geng Mochi's heart transplant operation must be carried out. Whether there is time to be transplanted, we can only rush to deal with the things that should be dealt with as much as possible before the operation. Not sure, nothing is still sure, we are all silently making the last effort, and his side is dying.I was extremely anxious, restless, as if my whole body had been taken out, lost my mind and had no idea, and Milan came forward to help me take care of many things.For so many years of tit-for-tat, and the unbearable grievances and festivals, there is always a gap between me and her. I really want to say thank you, but we are numb and speechless.I heard from Geng Mochi that after the divorce procedures were completed, he still gave Milan a large sum of money, but unexpectedly, Milan refused to accept it. In the dressing room of the bridal shop, I couldn't help asking her: "Why didn't Geng Mochi give you money? Don't you like money the most?" "I like money, but now I feel that money is really not that important to me. I want to live with dignity and be more confident." Milan smiled lightly. I looked at her and shook my head, "Then you have no money, what will you do with your future life?" "Didn't Geng Mochi tell you that I bought the 'Encounter' restaurant in Xingcheng, which is enough to support me, and maybe I can also raise a handsome boy, haha..." She laughed wantonly, and the old Milan seemed to be back. "Hey, it's not an exaggeration to not have the man you love and the restaurant he likes, right?" I laughed and scolded: "Pervert!" It seemed that Qi Shuli's gallstone surgery could not be delayed for even a moment. I saw him clutching his chest and dripping with cold sweat all day long. The hospital arranged his surgery for the day after my wedding with Geng Mochi.Prior to this, he had been going back and forth to the hospital for examinations.The trivial matters of the wedding were handled by the subordinates of Milan and Qi Shuli, and I stayed by Geng Mochi all day, never leaving.He still takes two life-saving medicines a day, and if he stops one, his heartbeat will not continue.Sometimes I'm really tired and Milan will replace me, let me go home to take a shower and take a short rest, which makes me very grateful, I don't know what to say. In the afternoon of that day, I took the car arranged by Qi Shuli to go home to catch up on sleep. As soon as I entered the door, Qi Shuli was already waiting in the living room. Seeing the smoke around his head, he must have been waiting for a long time.I was so tired that I didn't even have the energy to talk to him, so I sat silently opposite him, and when I saw his face, I felt so sad.Because he seems to be thinner than Geng Mochi, his eyes no longer have the brilliance of the past, and there is only despair like a bottomless abyss. When he looked at me, his eyes were as empty as if nothing existed.Thinking about the fact that he himself is suffering from illnesses, and he still needs to worry about Geng Mochi's surgery, I'm trying to find out what is going on in this man's heart. I'm holding a wedding with Geng Mochi, can he really act as if nothing happened?This man is really confusing. At this moment, his gaze stayed on my face, and he suddenly asked: "Cathy, I have a question for you, please answer me truthfully, don't be perfunctory or comfort me, what I want is your most sincere thoughts." He lit a He smoked a cigarette and closed his eyes, as if he had made a big decision. "what is the problem?" "You have been with me for so long, do you have any love for me, or have you tried to love me?" He still closed his eyes, as if he was afraid of hearing the cruel answer, "What do you think? How to answer, don't say anything against your will." "..." "Why, is it hard to answer?" He slowly opened his eyes, wondering if it was the reflection of the lens, I saw tears flickering in his eyes. "Do you have to answer?" "Yes." He said firmly. I thought for a while and replied calmly: "I won't tell you. Everyone has an unknown side in their hearts. Whether they love it or not is completely personal privacy. Since it is privacy, I have the right not to answer it." ,right?" When I say this, I actually don’t know how to answer. To love or not to love may be just a word to myself, but it may be a great harm to him. At this time, I still don’t want to hurt him. "Aren't you going to tell me until you die?" His voice trembled a little. "Frank..." "Got it, I won't ask you any more. If you don't say it, you don't want to hurt me. If you don't want to hurt me, it shows that you care about my feelings. This is enough to make me feel relieved." He stood up and sat beside me, He hugged me deeply, and joked, "And it feels like his wedding to you is also my wedding to you." I stared at him in surprise, not knowing what he meant. He patted me on the shoulder and said with a smile, "Because I love you as much as he does." Half an hour later, Milan called and asked me to go back to the hospital quickly. Before she finished speaking, I stumbled and ran out the door. Qi Shuli followed me out without saying a word.But he was too weak to drive. His black driver drove us back to the hospital. The ward was empty. The nurse said that Geng Mochi was sent to the emergency room again.My body shook, I turned around and ran to the emergency room, as if walking on a glacier, my feet slipped, and I fell to the ground several times.From a distance, I saw the red light on the door of the emergency room, like the eyes of the god of death, showing indifference and gloomy. Milan and several other people stood in the long corridor. Qi Shuli hurriedly hugged me who was shaking, "The doctor is treating me, he will be fine." Milan came over and put his hands on my trembling shoulders, holding back tears, as if trying to give me strength.At this time, the door of the emergency room was suddenly pushed open, and Dr. Smith walked towards us quickly. He spoke English so fast that I could hear the last sentence clearly: “Please prepare the funeral for him, he can not live over 48 hours.” He wants us to prepare for the funeral, the ink pool can't last forty-eight hours? My heart fell straight into the bottomless abyss, and I broke out in cold sweat.I supported Qi Shuli's arm, my body was shaking too much, and the corridor in front of me was also shaking. Milan cried in a low voice: "There are two days until the wedding!" Qi Shuli said decisively: "Advanced, until tomorrow!" "Oh, My God! Will he be ok to attend the wedding like that?" Dr. Smith shrugged suspiciously. "Don't care about it. It must be held on time. (It doesn't matter, it will still be held.)" The corner of Qi Shuli's mouth moved slightly, he took a deep breath, and the words he uttered were clear and forceful: "I'll go. I'll go to the hotel instead of him... (I'll go to the hotel instead of him... )” Lene Marlin sang A place nearby softly on the phonograph. The soft and steady tune gradually calmed my chaotic state of mind, and every line of the lyrics seemed to sing to my heart. This day has finally come, my spirit has merged with him, and I am on the verge of death.The moment he stops breathing, it will be the moment my soul dies.I can't imagine, I can't imagine, if he really lies down in the dark underground, can I keep my promise to him and live a good life?Thinking about how pitiful he is, he has only one breath left, and he still can't let go of the obsession in his heart, so he wants me to be his legitimate wife. He clearly knows that this has no real meaning, but he still insists on it. He is such a stubborn person, even if the lamp is exhausted, even if it is burned to ashes, he still clings to this poor love, as if what is flowing in his heart is not blood, but a fire, give me A bright wedding, but I sink into hell, as if only in this way I am his, completely his! And Jin Yi, who is far away in Shanghai, must have known about this, crying on the phone, "Kaoer, you have to be strong. Remember what you said to me? You said that you want me to believe in the afterlife, this life is not over. His long-cherished wish can be fulfilled in the next life. Now I would rather believe that there is an afterlife. So many of us love him, so much love, we can definitely escort him to the next life... In the next life, maybe he will no longer be a pianist, maybe he will be mediocre, maybe he will be poor, Maybe he no longer recognizes us when we meet him, but as long as he can look back at us curiously when we pass by, or give us a knowing smile, let us know that he is living a good life in another cycle , then we should be gratified, because he can finally be himself, no longer suffer from illness, betrayal and hurt..." "Jinyi!" I cried loudly. "Kaoer, I grew up with him. Only I know how hard he lived. His family and friends, including me, are worried every day, afraid that this day will come, and always pray for a miracle. But now I I know that the greatest miracle in this world is love. If it wasn’t for love, he would have left this world long ago. It is a miracle that he can survive till now! So let him go quietly, his mother was going to Seattle originally, Now I am also in the hospital, because we have been hiding it from her, fearing that she will not be able to bear the blow. Kaoer, Mochi will be handed over to you, please say goodbye to him for me, tell him that I love him very much, even if I am no longer in the next life When I meet him, I only wish him happiness, and you too, Kaoer..." This call was made by Jin Yi when I returned to my home in Lake District from the hospital. I hung up on the phone for a long time, and my emotions have been collapsing.The next life is so far away, that is another reincarnation, will God arrange for us to meet?I don't know, I can't even think about it, I was crying hoarsely in the house alone, I wanted to go to the hospital to guard Geng Mochi, but Qi Shuli refused, he was the one who drove me home, he said he would pick me up the next morning The hospital and Geng Mochi got married in a notarized manner. The sky gradually darkened, and the sun lost its light, quietly giving way to the moon. So in this long night, I was the only one waiting for Seattle's sleepless night. The temperature was a little low, so I shivered and quickly wrapped myself in a blanket.My eyes were red and swollen from crying, and I drank a lot of alcohol indiscriminately, but I still couldn't make myself fall asleep.It wasn't until now that I realized that the bright and flowing night in Seattle is really sleepless. For this city, I don't understand why I am obsessed with it, is it because of its sleeplessness? I will always remember that just twenty-four hours ago, Geng Mochi and I were talking under the cherry tree in the hospital.It is already April, and the cherry blossoms in Seattle have come to an end, and the rain of flowers all over the sky is interpreting the final parting of life and death. The sky was cloudy with a slight breeze. The air smells of wet petals. His hair fluttered in the wind, and his appearance was already emaciated beyond human shape.He has been in a coma since he came out of the emergency room. When he woke up in the morning, he didn't know how many shots of special medicine Dr. Smith gave him, which allowed him to temporarily get rid of those instruments and tubes to let his heart beat freely and breathe freely. But he could no longer walk, and kept pointing out the window.After consulting the doctor, I wheeled him from the ward into the garden in a wheelchair.I counted, there were nine Yoshino cherry trees in the hospital, and I pushed him under the largest cherry blossom tree.After only staying for a while, pink petals fell all over his head and shoulders. He smiled and reached out to brush the petals from my hair tremblingly. I squatted down and gave him a manicure. But holding his skinny fingers, my heart trembled suddenly, and tears filled my eyes again. These hands were still slender, but the knuckles suddenly bulged, and I no longer had the agility when I hit the keys, nor Without the watery warmth of touching love, my palms are cold, and it has been cold to the bottom of my heart. "Don't cry." He stretched out his other hand to touch my cheek and wiped my tears. "Mochi, think about how stupid we were in the past, always thinking about changing each other, trying to polish each other into what we wanted, but in the end, we both lost, we were still the same, stupid, we were so stupid, wasted a lot Time... But I don’t know why, I don’t seem to regret it much. Love may be like this. What I have experienced must be the best time for each other, so you don’t have to feel sad. No matter where you go, don’t be sad, because you You gave me the best time, Mochi..." I put my head on his knees, tears had already soaked into his blue striped pants, he hugged my shoulders, patted gently, suddenly felt the hairline on the top of my head was cool, I raised my face, It turned out that he was also crying. He looked at me as if I had a thousand words to say, but he couldn't say anything, his pale lips trembled and buzzed, and he said a word after a while: "I really want to... eat your... steamed crab..." "Okay, okay, I'll get it for you right away!" I stood up, covered him with the blanket on the wheelchair, and took out a comb to comb his hair, not sure if I was laughing or crying, "After I finish combing your hair, I'll go to Parker Market to buy you the biggest and freshest crabs, and I'll make them for you at noon, okay?" He nodded, a contented expression on his face. After sending Geng Mochi back to the ward, I called Qi Shuli's driver and drove me straight to Park Market.The market was crowded with people, and the guy in the shop at the door was still happily performing the famous flying fish show for tourists, but I had no time to enjoy it. I squeezed into the crowd and found Mike, the old shopkeeper, and asked him to pick the biggest and freshest crabs for me.After returning to my home in the Lake District, I packed it in an insulated lunch box and went straight to the hospital. It happened to be noon at this time. He was lying on the hospital bed and was receiving an infusion. Seeing me go in, he smiled at me weakly. "Look, I made it, smell it, it's very fragrant!" I happily took out the steaming crab, scooped out the crab roe with a spoon and fed it to him. I asked him, "Is it delicious?" He nodded and slowly extended his thumb. But he only ate one crab and couldn't eat any more, but he was in good spirits. I don't know if it was because he breathed outdoors in the morning. His face glowed with strange brilliance, and his smiling eyes shone like stars. Asking me to help him raise the pillow, he half sat on the head of the bed.Then, he stretched out his arms towards me, "Come on, give me a hug..." "Don't...don't be afraid, I will always be...by your side." He hugged me and even told me not to be afraid.I burst into tears in his arms, and when I was crying, I still felt strange that his heartbeat was so clear, it didn't seem like he was dying at all... But then I realized that this is actually what people often call "returning to the light". . In the evening, he fell into a coma again and was sent to the emergency room. It was really a flashback! forty-eight hours. Dr. Smith said he wouldn't last forty-eight hours! Qi Shuli made a decisive decision and moved the wedding one day ahead of schedule.He refused to let me stay in the hospital, and asked Milan to forcefully drag me back to my home in the Lake District. Before dawn the next day, I went to the hospital arguing all night without sleep. Make up, Frank's car will be here soon." "I'm going to the hospital! I'm going to the hospital!" I jumped on the ground barefoot, crying. "I didn't say I couldn't go to the hospital." Milan took out the prepared wedding dress and handed it to me, "Frank said that he will take you to the hospital first, and the lawyer will wait there to notarize you and Mochi, and then Frank Instead of Mochi, I will accompany you to the hotel, where the master of ceremonies and guests are waiting for you..." I have been crying. Milan put layer after layer of powder on my face, but still couldn't cover the tears, "Why are you crying, today is your big day, you should be happy." She was calling me when she said this. rouge. "Can he really not wait for that heart? Can he really not wait?" On the way to the hospital, this was what I kept repeating. Milan took the powder box and touched up my makeup all the way to the hospital. She said: "Life and death are fate. You loved this scene vigorously. You should have no regrets. Kao'er, many times people have to face things that he doesn't want to face..." Qi Shuli met us at the gate of the hospital. Overnight, he aged more than ten years.I didn't even have the courage to look at him. He was so weak, so weak that he had never been before.He also had surgery tomorrow, but he stayed in the hospital until dawn.I took the initiative to reach out my hand to him and shook both hands. The warmth of his palm was conveyed to mine, which made me feel comforted and peaceful inexplicably. "The lawyer is already waiting," he said with a smile. 我手执花球，拖着长长的婚纱裙走向耿墨池的病房，一路吸引了无数好奇和祝福的目光，医生，护士，病人，只要遇见的都冲我展露微笑。 Miracle!耿墨池居然是醒着的。 Smith大夫说，早上他就醒了，没有给他打针，他自己就醒了。但已经说不出话，只能半睁着眼睛，无力地看着我，目光从未那么黯淡过，仿佛生命之灯在慢慢地熄灭。在见到我的一刹那，他的嘴角露出笑意，眼角却渗出了泪滴。 我俯身吻去他的泪，握住他的手贴着自己冰冷的脸颊，凑到他耳根轻声说：“你什么也不用说，我会听你的话，好好地活……还有，我想告诉你，无论过去经历了多少苦难，我从不后悔认识你，从不后悔……” 耿墨池半睁着的眼睛闪烁了几下，更多的眼泪顺着眼角淌了下来，他嚅动着嘴唇，想说什么又说不出来，表情非常痛苦。 “别说，你什么都别说了，我都明白……”我将自己的脸贴着他，让自己的泪水跟他的泪水混合着一起淌下。 他的嘴角露出了永恒的笑意，表情也渐渐平静。 律师拿出结婚文书给我们。祁树礼是理所当然的证婚人，耿墨池一直对他微笑，无限感激，那么的释然，他抖抖索索地指着枕头下，站在旁边的米兰帮着从里面拿出一个首饰盒。他示意祁树礼过去，把首饰盒递到他手里。祁树礼打开，竟是两枚结婚钻戒。想必他已经知道自己无法去酒店参加婚礼，所以才要昔日的情敌代为行礼。 “你给他戴上。”祁树礼把新郎的戒指递给我，又说，“到了婚礼上，我再帮他给你戴上新娘的戒指。” 我“嗯”了声，给耿墨池戴上戒指，紧紧地攥着他的手，“等我回来，一定要等我回来，无论你要去哪里，请让我送你。” 他如释重负地吐出一口气，笑着点点头。 “墨池！……”我抱着他的身子，很久很久不肯松手，泪水浸透了他的衣襟。米兰拉开我，一边给我补妆一边说：“别难过，这是上天的安排，上天这样安排自有它的道理，你应该感激才是，感激命运赐给了你两个最爱你的男人……”说到这儿，米兰也是潸然泪下，她看了一眼耿墨池，继续说，“他们是一体的，就如他们对你的爱，也是一体的，无论以何种方式……” 祁树礼突然在旁边轻咳一声，米兰这才打住，拉起我帮我整理婚纱裙，然后打开门，祁树礼牵起我走出病房。 我一步三回头，拼命地想要记住那张脸，也许是最后一次机会了，我要把他的面容深深地烙在心底，门渐渐地关上，他的脸慢慢消失于视线外。门关上了，好像这个故事已经到了最后的结局，一扇门隔断了过去和现在，还有未来。 婚礼现场设在一家临近海港的超豪华酒店，从一楼到二楼，全场布满玫瑰和百合，连楼梯扶手都缠着粉色的纱幔。所有的宾客都已到齐，一条长长的红地毯，从楼梯口一直铺到了宴会厅正前方的礼台，礼台上花团锦簇，我和耿墨池的巨幅合影悬挂在一个红玫瑰编成的心形里。很遗憾，因为时间仓促，我们没来得及拍婚纱照。那合影也不知道米兰从哪儿找出来的，竟是数年前我们在新疆的天池边照的。只隔了数年，我们看上去却似年轻好多岁，衬着雪山和森林的背景，两人脸上洋溢着的笑容竟有永恒的味道。 祁树礼牵着我走向红地毯的那头。也许是灯光太刺眼，我的视线晃动得厉害，走路摇摇摆摆，感觉像走在一片荒芜的旷野，狂风肆虐，枯黄的草浪一层层地涌向天边。明明是满眼的玫瑰，怎么突然变成了荒野？ 站在礼台上，掌声四起。 Is it hallucination?掌声听起来竟像是狂风的呼啸，脚下的礼台成了祭坛，我仰起脸，灯光那么强烈，视觉又出现交错，目光尽处竟有雄鹰在天空盘旋，是在为我们可怜的爱情哀鸣吧，我已经用尽我全部的力气祭奠了这份爱情，他也是。我抖得更厉害了，几乎握不住手中的花球。不止是视线，我感觉连意志也变得模糊不清，所有的宾客和鲜花退居远处，越来越远，直到消失不见，涌上前来的依然是翻滚的草浪，隐约，我竟然透过草浪看到了他灰色的墓碑。 乌云压在天边。 那样一块碑，孤独地立在阴沉的苍穹下。 面对着祭坛上的我，他竟然没有一句话要说，却又好似说尽了所有的言语。 如果此刻我是祝英台，如果此刻山崩地裂，我想我会扑进去，静静地躺到他身边，不用在荒凉的世间寂寞几十年。但我知道我不是祝英台，上天也不会给我这样的机会，让我跟他从此同眠。因为此刻我的手正握在另一个男人的手里，耳边轻轻地传来他温情的话语：“Cathy别怕，坚强点，无论发生什么，我一定在你身边，记住，今天是我领着你走上红地毯，希望你从此获得幸福……” 我不记得我有没有回答他，意识混乱，婚礼怎么开始，又怎么结束，完全没了印象。而到了新房，满室都是怒放的玫瑰和摇曳的烛火，没有喜庆，感觉比荒野还悲怆，尤其那红色的烛泪，仿佛在我心里流淌。 我盯着梳妆台上鲜红的玫瑰，不知道是不是又出现幻觉，我竟然看到鲜血如花儿一样在地毯上绽放，如果不是祁树礼剧烈的咳嗽声，我肯定以为这是幻觉，不是啊，真是鲜血，祁树礼吐到地上的。这是我第一次看到他吐血！ “抱歉，我实在撑不住了！” 我把他扶到床上，他竟然跟我说“抱歉”。 我握着他冰冷的手已经不仅仅是焦急，“你肯定是累坏了。” “是啊，有点累。” “现在我就送你去医院。” “不去，不去，没事的。”他连连摆手，为了表示自己真没事，他挣扎着爬起来，坐到了窗边的沙发上，他说，“今晚是你的新婚之夜，良辰美景，怎么能没有新郎陪着你呢？虽然我是顶替的，但也应该陪着你，而且我也不能睡在床上，那是你们的床……” 他又说：“不过说真的，我这一生确实太疲惫，疲惫到无力再去为自己争取什么，所以只好放手，因为只有这样才能成全你的幸福。这么多年，这么多年我对你不放弃，其实只是想给你幸福，爱一个人，就想给她幸福，唯有如此所有的付出才会有意义。可是经历了这么多事，我发现我给不了你要的幸福，哪怕是拿命去换，也给不了，因为我不是你爱着的那个人…… “为此我常常很痛苦，我这一生都很痛苦，早年丧父，兄妹失散，来了美国白手起家，历经苦难，妻子却惨死。很多年了，我几乎已记不起她的样子，也记不起我还有多少值得留恋的东西，直到遇见你，我绕了大半个地球，好像就是为了遇见你，于是一切都变得有意义起来，只为了想拥有你……三年前带着你来西雅图时，我差点以为自己梦想成真，可是当他出现后，你还是离我而去，我不甘心啊，Cathy！也劝过自己放弃，你不在的时候我夜夜借酒浇愁，喝醉的时候心里只有恨，等清醒了，还是明白这爱已经在我的心底生了根，即便是失去生命，我也还是不能释然……即便如此，老天爷还是不肯放过我，连远远地看着你幸福，远远地爱着你这样的机会都不给我了，我终究是遭了报应啊，安妮是我的报应，你更是！” “Frank，你跟我说这么多，什么意思啊？”我觉得他怪怪的，整个婚礼他都怪怪的，他背对着窗台而坐，肩头全是冰冷的月光，仿佛一匹银纱从他头顶罩下来，水银样地淌了满地，我忽然受不了这凄凉，说：“把灯打开吧。” “不，让我在黑暗里待会儿。”他长长地叹了口气，顿了下，又说，“以后我每天都要面对黑暗，现在，先学会习惯吧。” 他说话的声音嘶哑而浑浊，轻得像飘在空气里的烟。不知道什么时候他点燃了烟，即便是有烛光，四周仍是一片黑暗，看不到他的脸，只瞧见他手中的烟头红宝石般，恍惚透着幽暗。 我心里又惦记起来，“我要去医院。” 说着就朝门口走。 他在背后喊住我：“他没事，你先休息吧，明早再去。” “不行，万一他要走，我得送他……”我说着就要哭。 正说着，他的手机响了。他似乎有意避开我，起身开了门出去接电话，“好，我知道，我就来。”我听见他在外面说。 不到两分钟，他又进来了。 我已经开了灯，他在门口定定地看了我一会儿，面部剧烈地抽搐着，但只一会儿，他又恢复了平静，笑着把我拉到床边坐下，“饿了吧，我去给你冲杯牛奶，好吗？” 牛奶很快冲好，他端到床头，看着我喝下。 我杯子刚放下，他突然就抱住我号啕大哭起来，“Cathy，我的Cathy，原谅我，只能用这种方式来表达，纵然是万分不舍也没有办法，天知道，我有多么舍不得你，从此再也没有人纠缠你了，没有了，Cathy...” 我吃惊地推开他，“你怎么了，好好的你哭什么？” “听着，Cathy，你一定要好好的，无论发生什么，你都要坚强面对，因为我始终在你身边，只要他在你身边，我就在你身边……” 他语无伦次地说着这些话，眼眶通红，如濒临死亡的困兽透着令人心悸的绝望，他捧起我的脸，在我的额头深深地一吻，颤抖着声音继续说：“今生我知道我没有机会了，所以才不得不以另外的方式来守候你，当你偶尔想起我的时候，不要难过，我从不曾离开你，我的心因为你而跳动，当你躺在他怀里，听着他的心跳时，请记住，那是我为你跳动……他怎么会赢得了我呢？他怎么会是我的对手？即便你还是爱着他，看上去是他，但实际是我，我只不过利用了他的躯壳。他会恨我的，我知道他肯定会恨死我，但是没办法，狮子老虎永无可能成为朋友，这辈子我们是对手，下辈子我不会再让他抢在我的前面遇见你，我一定比他早遇见你，从而让他也尝尝欲爱不能的滋味，今生我饱尝了这滋味，来生就会轮到他……” “你，你说……什么啊，我怎么听……听不懂？”不知为何，我的视线忽然又变得很模糊，他的脸在我眼前不断地摇晃起来，重叠，晃动，我抓着他的肩膀，看到他的嘴巴一张一合，声音渐渐远离我的听力范围。 我瘫在他怀里如一团棉，乏力得就要睡去。 我听到他的最后一句话好像是：“如果他恨我，那正是我要的，如果你难过，那不是我想看到的，高兴点，Cathy，终究你会感激我这样的安排！……” A place nearby的歌声又在耳畔响起，在做梦？我努力睁开眼睛，不是做梦，窗外恍惚的日光透过窗户照进来，很清晰，我听到是有人在楼下放音乐。我睡得很沉吗，也没有喝酒，为何觉得全身乏力？我晃晃脑袋，从床上爬起来，又是新的一天，我能沐浴到这真实的阳光，他呢？心里猛地一抽搐，墨池！环顾四周，新房里空无一人，大红的喜字贴在梳妆台上，床头的鲜花倾吐着芬芳。But what about people? 我打开房门，音乐声更近了，就在楼下。客厅的沙发上坐着一个人，是米兰，不知道坐了多久，她看上去像尊雕像。她听了一夜的音乐吗？她也喜欢Lene Marlin的这首曲子？应该是喜欢的，因为她仰起脸看我的时候，脸上隐约还有泪痕，呆呆的，好半天她才说：“你终于醒了。” “人呢？都上哪儿去了？”我连鞋都没穿就疾步下楼，“Frank也没看到，我还等着他送我去医院呢，也不知道墨池现在怎么样了。” “你不用找他，他现在就在医院。”米兰说。 “他去医院怎么不叫醒我？糟糕，墨池！”我说着就要往门外冲。 “考儿！”米兰叫住我，“你等会儿……我有话跟你说。” “哎呀，什么话不能待会儿说啊，我现在要赶去医院！” “考儿！”米兰突然大声叫了起来，差不多是呵斥的语气，吓得我回转身瞪大眼睛盯着她，直觉，可怕的直觉，毫无征兆地席卷而来。就在那一刻，我在米兰的脸上看到了我最不愿意面对的结果，我喘息着，几乎不能呼吸。 “在你去医院之前，有件事情必须告诉你，”米兰走过来，拉起我到沙发边上坐下，“你要勇敢地接受现实……” 我没有看米兰，脑袋开始发晕，浑身筛糠似的抖起来，比外面晨风中的树还抖得厉害，明明是在室内，耳边却似狂风呼啸，飞沙走石，这次就不是旷野了，而是感觉置身一片凄凉的荒漠。 “你冷静点，事情已经发生了，谁都没有能力去阻止……而且，事情也不像你想象的那样，是这样……”米兰自己也语无伦次起来，尽力想让自己的表达清楚些，“你也许不知道，根本就没有人给耿墨池捐赠心脏，这一切都是个谎言，当然，是善意的谎言，但……那个绝症病人却是存在的，他就是……祁树礼……” 轰的一声巨响，天崩地裂，震得我两眼发直，四周突然陷入死一般的沉寂。我整个人就像傻了一样，呆呆地瞅着米兰，完全听不懂她在说什么。 米兰亦看着我，低低地说：“他得了肝癌，而不是什么胆结石，已经是晚期，根本没得治了，除非移植新的肝脏，或者这种可能性也很小，因为确实没得治了，癌细胞已经扩散……但耿墨池的肝脏是健康的，正好他们的配型又对得上，我不知道他们之间经历过什么样的争执，最后，耿墨池决定捐出自己的肝脏，祁树礼不得不接受，即使是一线希望，否则两个人都活不成……” 米兰说到这里已经泪流满面，她从茶几上的纸巾盒里抽出一张纸巾擦拭眼泪，显然是一夜没睡，让她的眼底印着沉沉的黑眼圈，她抽泣着说：“本来手术还要过两天才做的，谁知昨晚……医院打来电话，说耿墨池不行了，祁树礼只好用安眠药把你弄睡，他不得不去医院接受耿墨池的肝脏移植……” “不……不！不！”我尖叫一声，电击般地站直身子扑向门外。米兰追了出来，把我扶进她的宝马，踩足油门飞一般地驶向医院。到了医院车子还没停稳，我就滚下了车，爬又爬不起来，米兰拉起我差不多是把我拖进了医院大楼。 那扇门就在前面。 不到五十米的距离。 “Mortuary（太平间）”令人思想停顿。 我无论如何也挪不动步子了，我不相信里面躺着的是耿墨池，怎么可能呢？不是说四十八小时吗？这才过了多久，三十六小时都不到啊！ “Mortuary”几个字母在我眼前忽近忽远，晃动得厉害。我已经像浑身被抽了筋骨般绵软无力，米兰和另一个护士扶着我走进去，看见了，他就躺在那儿，白色的布遮住他的全身，僵直着，跟多年前祁树杰横尸太平间时的情景一模一样。 难道这就是命运的轮回？ 难道这就是我挣扎得来的结果？ 我知道他终会离开，却没料到他会以这种方式离开。他为了让我的后半辈子有所依靠，竟捐出自己的肝脏成就另一个人的生命，让那个人替他完成他今生爱的使命。是的，他的使命已经完成了，这显然是他蓄谋已久的一次冒险，肯定是冒险的，他如何知道手术就一定能成功？又怎么能断定心爱的女人能否接受这残酷的安排？ 但是他别无选择，来这世上走一遭，什么也带不走，但总要留下点什么，留不下，也要让自己的爱通过别人来延续，为此他甘愿冒险，他其实一直就在冒险。 我扑在他的身上哭得声嘶力竭，抱着他僵硬的身子拼命地摇，好像他只是睡着了，可以摇得醒一样，“为什么是这个结果？为什么啊？我不要这个结果，墨池，我不要……难道你到现在还不明白，没有你我的生命毫无意义，你怎么就是不明白呢？墨池……如果离开你可以获得幸福，我何苦挣扎到今天……” 哭到后来，我开始干呕。 米兰也哭，我呼吸不上来，她就捶我的背。 不管用的，我呕不出来，竟开始咳嗽。一股惨烈的甜腥味猝然涌到了喉咙口，硬是被我生生地咽了回去。我不能把血咳在他身上，不能让他带着血腥离开。他这样一个人，孤独傲慢一辈子，干干净净地来，也要干干净净地走。此刻我抱着他，真希望抱着的是一架琴啊，他不能弹奏了，我帮他弹，做他一辈子高山流水的知音。即便是死，如果能替他，我也义无反顾。但是没有办法，就算我即刻割开自己的脉，在他面前血流成河，也无法挽留他已经远走的脚步，拼尽力气到最后，原来什么都是枉然。 而我已经哭得没有一丝力气了。 只能拿出他白布盖着的手，贴着我的脸颊。 好似一切都未曾改变，好似我们昨日都如此亲昵过。 什么都没有改变，他和我的爱。 其实已经不朽。 可我还是感觉到了一点不同，他的手怎么回事？厚实而宽大，一点也不像他的。墨池的手是修长、温柔、非常优雅而有个性的，至今我还记得他的手指在黑白琴键上舞蹈时的浪漫不羁，而且前天我还给他修过指甲的……我停止了哭泣，拿起他的手仔细端详起来，巨大的震惊让我目瞪口呆，我放下他的手，死死盯住他被白布盖着的脸。 “墨池，是你吗？” 三年前，在名古屋的那棵樱花树下，我就是这么唤着他的名字，当时他还能站起身朝我走来，可是现在呢，他横在这里，真的是他横在这里吗？ 我从未如此紧张过，浑身汗毛直竖。 真的是他吗？真的是吗？ 我抖抖索索地伸手去揭那张白布，时光交错，生命轮回，就如多年前丈夫的白布被揭开时一样。“啊——”我一声尖叫，眼前一黑，身子直直地仰倒在地。 西雅图湖景墓园坐落在联合湖区一个风景如画的山丘上，祁树礼的葬礼就在此举行。我以为我会很坚强，很平静，但是当工作人员将装有祁树礼骨灰的琉璃花瓶送到我面前时，我还是抑制不住失声痛哭。我抱着那个价值不菲的花瓶，宛如抱着他的身躯，他的身躯已经冷去，但我恍惚看见他在冲我微笑，笑容已然永生。至此他真的已经冷去，曾有的浮华隐去，整个世界陷入沉寂。而我整夜地哭泣，无边无际，模糊而凄冷的黑暗将我一点点吞噬，我深陷其中，好似进入一个梦境，永生永世，我亦无法挣脱，他的离去就是一个无法结束的梦境。 一生翻云覆雨，到最后也不过是一抔黄土、一块墓碑。其实这是个双人墓，是耿墨池当初买下来为自己准备的，他答应过我在旁边给我留个位置，所以当时他买下的是双人墓。祁树礼跟耿墨池争了这么多年，做梦都想夺走他的女人，不想最后夺到的只是情敌的墓地，这样的悲剧出乎所有人的意料，大约也包括他自己。 邻近的一个山丘就是凯瑞公园，碧蓝的天空下，西雅图宁静的港湾依然在山脚下演绎着或默默无闻，或不同凡响的故事；太空针仍然是这座城市的地标，只等黑夜降临时拉开西雅图不眠夜的序幕；瑞尼尔雪山还在地平线上沉睡，也许它从不曾睡着，它只是保持沉默，人世间数不尽的悲欢离合，在它看来只不过是世间最最平常的事。 因为是双人墓，空间很大，我放了很多安妮儿时的画作，几乎每一张都画着美丽的湖，三个形影不离的孩子在湖边嬉戏追逐……这些画都是祁树礼从上海带过来的，想来那时候他就已经谋划好了一切，这个男人惯于运筹帷幄，即便是面对死亡，他也冷静从容得像是安排一件与己无关的公事。他表面上答应耿墨池，接受肝脏移植，可是背地里却和Smith大夫串通一气（他们肯定商量好了的，让我们都蒙在鼓里），新婚之夜，耿墨池进入生命的倒计时，祁树礼，这个疲惫的男人先按事先策划好的程序给自己注射了一针，让自己进入脑死状态，再由Smith大夫主刀，把他鲜活的心脏移植给了针锋相对近十年的情敌。 我对这样一个结果好久都没回过神，被击蒙了，傻了，呆了，直到看到他写给我的遗书，我才知道原来我一点都不了解他的内心，他说： “考儿，我亲爱的考儿，当你看到这封信时，我已经到了另外一个世界，我去或者是耿墨池去并无什么不同，唯一不同的是，你爱的是他，而非我，这也是我最终下定决心来成全你的原因……不要认为我有多么伟大，竟然舍弃自己的生命而成全他人，我其实是个极端自私的人，我只是想利用耿墨池来成全自己，用他来继续我不能继续的爱，你爱着的人是他，而他的生命是我生命的延续，你爱他就跟爱我是一样的，你肯定想不到吧？所以不要为我悲伤，考儿，你仔细看看你身边的人，他是耿墨池这不假，但你听听他的心跳，那不是他的心跳，是我的！这时候你一定想起我跟你说过的话吧，我曾经问过你要什么结婚礼物，你说不要，但我说一定会给你礼物，我说我把我的心给你……” “你别哭，保重身体要紧。” 米兰走过来抱住在风中颤抖的我，墓地的风很大，西雅图微凉的风仿佛穿透了我的身体，让我摇摇晃晃，几乎就要随风而去。 她附在我耳边说：“坚强点，刚才安妮打来电话，说墨池醒了，要见你……” 安妮是在祁树礼去世的第二天专程从英国赶过来的，我不太清楚她是