Chapter 5 Chapter Four

There has never been any fairness in the emotional world. I tried my best to forget him just to show that I only have him in my heart, and there is no corner of my existence in his heart. There is still no progress on the sponsorship matter. There is no other way. As soon as people hear that they are sponsoring radio dramas, they politely refuse immediately. People nowadays are too realistic and know that radio dramas will not bring any economic benefits, so naturally they will not give you a free lunch.And the time to go to Shanghai to record is getting tighter and tighter. In a blink of an eye, the National Day is almost here. Except for the 20,000 yuan sponsored by Zhou Youji earlier, we got nothing.Feng Ke was so anxious that I had no choice but to call Milan and ask her to give me some advice. She was inscrutable on the phone, and suddenly said, "You never thought of looking for Qi Shuli?"

"..." "He's the real rich guy, you can record ten radio dramas by rooting out hairs!" As soon as Milan talked about Qi Shuli, he became very excited, "It's absolutely fine for you to go to him. For work matters, what's wrong with you? It's not that you are asking him to borrow money personally." I said nothing.Milan's excitement makes it difficult for me to say anything.Since meeting Qi Shuli at the reception last time, she has become extremely excited, and this excitement was shown on the day of the reception.But Milan is a calm person. Although she didn't reveal anything to me, she has already started to "act" in private. She not only quickly found out Qi Shuli's background and family background, but also found and created every opportunity to get close to him. It's a pity that the effect is minimal.This Mr. Qi obviously has a lot of people, and he doesn't pay attention to the pictures of girls like Milan. He neither offends her nor gives her a chance. He is polite, arrogant and calm, and always plays with men Milan, who is in the palm of his hand, has met his opponent this time.

Sometimes I also pour cold water on her, telling her not to take it too seriously, saying that Qi Shuli is a man with a deep city, and it is not so easy to deal with.But like me, she likes to jump into a fire pit by nature, and no one can stop her, the more she blocks her, the more she sees death as home.Milan's good words and persuasion to me were calm on the surface, but she was dismissive in her heart. In her opinion, Qi Shuli, a big fish, was determined to win.Of course, I can only wish her good luck. After wandering around for so many years, maybe this time she is serious.And in the current desperate situation, I can only accept her suggestion, and it's not that I personally ask him to borrow money for work.I cheer myself up in my heart.

Qi Shuli was overjoyed when he received my call. This was the first time I took the initiative to call him, which made him very flattered.I didn't talk about the sponsorship on the phone, I just said that I wanted to talk to him about something and asked him to meet.Of course Qi Shuli agreed. He booked a room at Huatian Hotel. As soon as I entered the hotel gate, his bodyguards and assistants greeted me with a cool face. I followed them to the private room on the third floor nervously. Meet a gangster boss. The "boss" Qi Shuli obviously made careful preparations for this meeting, his suit was neat, his hair was not messed up, his beard was just shaved, and he looked radiant.Seeing me coming in, he got up with a smile and led me to sit at the dining table by the window, and said gently: "I'm sorry, I've been too busy these days, I really don't have time to meet you, sorry."

It has been a few days since he returned to China, and he has adapted to his Chinese. When he just came back, he spoke Chinese and English, and it was very difficult to listen to him. "Your Chinese has improved a lot." I couldn't help but praise him. "Really, then I'm very happy." He beamed with joy.At this time, his bodyguard also came in, and two burly men sat on the sofa behind him, one on the left and the other on the right.I looked at the two big men and felt uncomfortable. Qi Shuli was very keen, he sensed my displeasure, and immediately waved his hand to signal the bodyguard to leave.As soon as those two people left, he said helplessly, "I'm sorry, they are used to this. I blamed me for forgetting to dismiss them today. How is it? Didn't you scare you?"

"No, I'm not so timid." "Yes, I have seen your courage before." Obviously there is something in the words. I gave him a blank look. Qi Shuli smiled, showing his beautiful white teeth.I suddenly discovered that he was actually not ugly, and he was even handsome. It was strange why I hadn't noticed it before.He put his hands on the table, leaned forward, looked at me closer, and covered me with tender eyes, "Kao'er, if only we could meet and eat like this often in the future, just like a family." I coughed twice, and originally wanted to answer him "Who is your family", but then I thought that I still have to ask him, so I had to endure it and not have an attack. It is not difficult to pretend to be stupid but not deaf.

"Frank, actually...I came to see you today because I wanted to ask you for help." I decided to get straight to the point and didn't want to gossip. Qi Shuli was not surprised, raised his eyebrows, "I knew you wouldn't come to me for no reason." I laughed dryly, a little embarrassed. Qi Shuli also laughed, "Tell me, whatever, as long as I can do it, I will spare no effort." I looked at him, and the stone in my heart fell to the ground. As expected, Qi Shuli was rich and powerful. After learning the reason why I was looking for him, he immediately promised to sponsor us 500,000 yuan, and said that if it was not enough, we could add more.When he came out of the hotel, he patted me on the shoulder and said meaningfully: "Kaoer, if you have any difficulties in the future, just come to me. It is my great honor to help you."

"I can't help it either. It's about work..." I deliberately reminded him that I only came to him for work. Qi Shuli didn't show his face, and immediately accepted the move, "No matter what it is, this is always a good start." I raised my head and glanced at him, I couldn't say anything, I felt inexplicably uneasy, I'm afraid this man is not as simple as I seem.He said "this is a good start", but why do I feel that this is a very bad start?Even though he was smiling and kind to me at this moment, I still couldn't get rid of the fear of being aimed at the gun by the hunter.What am I afraid of?

Thinking is a very strenuous thing. I am not used to thinking too much about anything. Is it a blessing or a disaster? Is it something you can dodge if you want?I decided not to think about it. Five days later, a group of nine of us boarded a plane to Shanghai. It can be seen that everyone is very excited, talking and laughing along the way, planning how to take advantage of work to eat, drink and have fun after arriving in Shanghai, as if we are not going to work, but to go on vacation.I sat by the window, my mood fluctuated with the ups and downs of the plane.The scene when he and Geng Mochi eloped to Shanghai two years ago seems to be still vivid in his memory.I quickly turned my face away from the window, tears and rain fell in an instant...

I lost!In the end, I was kicked into hell by this man, and now two years have passed, and I have not yet recovered from the pain, and my life has not improved.But I still love him, even if we have turned against each other, I still love him, because no one but myself can know what he means to me.It meant that without him, the open wound in my heart would no longer have the possibility of scabbing.I don't really expect the wound to heal, but at least it stops bleeding. How did things get to this point? I don't want to think about it anymore, because there is no medicine for regret in this world. This is a truth that everyone understands. Complaining and complaining will only aggravate the suffering in my heart.And I also admit that the first days of cohabiting with him were still very happy, even though my parents turned against me because of this, and Mother Qi spread it everywhere, which made my already bad reputation worse, but compared to the two being together The happiness of the time is really nothing.Even though the two have parted ways now, as long as I think back to the bits and pieces of those days, I still have no regrets, because I am loyal to my heart, because we have love (at least I thought there was), and that is enough.

At that time, I liked listening to him play the LOVE series the most. Geng Mochi said that there were originally more than 20 pieces in this series, but due to Ye Sha's sudden death, the creation was forced to stop, and there was no possibility of it being completed.Did I say you can't do it alone?He said with a cold face, can a person complete love?Love is a matter of two people! It has always been like this, every time I try to ask him about Yesha, his face will be very ugly, as if it is his minefield, and it will explode as soon as I touch it, and gradually I dare not ask. .But my intuition tells me that there must be something behind these songs that he doesn't want people to know. Since he doesn't want to say it, I don't need to make him unhappy. I only know that it is the LOVE series that made him famous at home and abroad. Playing the piano cannot establish his status in the music world. There are many people who can play the piano well. He is famous for playing the LOVE series, and only he Only then can we truly interpret the essence of LOVE, because it is the work of him and his ex-wife.He is very busy, and he has to go out for performances every now and then, ranging from a few days to ten days and half a month. Although he has turned down many performances for me, our time together is still very limited. Reluctant to part, every reunion is crazy and lingering... What about after the madness? On the contrary, I became calm. I can't tell when, I found that there is always some kind of inexplicable distance between me and him, and this distance is largely maintained by him deliberately.He can have sex with me like crazy, make highbrow or cheesy jokes with me, even let me gnaw and bite on him, but he just won't let me delve into his heart, and he never talks about his ex-wife Ye Sarah is proof.I couldn't get any words from him about his marriage with Yesha, and this is exactly what I am most curious and interested in. He can always decisively cut off the further expansion of my curiosity at the most critical time.He hinted to me with his cleverness and non-negotiable resolute attitude that it is enough for everyone to be happy together, don't talk about anything else, and it would be better to keep our own space. Of course I couldn't get to the bottom of it, I could only turn a blind eye and pretend to be confused, but in my heart I began to reflect on his mentality and motives when he was with me, and the more I thought about it, the more confused I became.I often find that Geng Mochi secretly peeps at me when I am not paying attention, his eyes are unfathomable, vague, contradictory and a little flustered.Several times I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night, and I found that he hadn't slept at all, either staring at the computer in a daze in the study, or standing on the balcony smoking a cigarette helplessly. What is even more puzzling is that he is always taking medicine, and he always takes it at a fixed time, and rarely stops.I asked him if he was sick and what medicine he was taking.He always prevaricates that it is a kind of traditional Chinese medicine to maintain the basic functions of the body. He has taken it for many years and can't stop.I joked that he wanted to live a long life, so he paid attention to his health. Geng Mochi asked back, if I died suddenly, would you be sad?The question was very abrupt, which made me even more frightened and anxious, as if he would leave me soon, and his happy days were coming to an end. Milan once reminded me, "You're stuck, Kaoer, it won't do you any good. You're not a young girl in love. You should know that love is just a play, and it doesn't matter how you put yourself into it, but You have to come out, the consequences of getting too deep into the drama can only hurt yourself. Don't be stupid, Geng Mochi is very good, but have you ever thought that it is unreasonable for you to be together, and you both lose your lover at the same time, but why would you If you choose him, why does he choose you, have you thought about all this?" I am silent. "So you have to leave a way out for yourself," Milan said as a bystander, "If you don't leave a way out, I'm afraid you won't be able to close the show when the curtain comes to an end." I smiled wryly and said, "The back road? It's not like you don't know, I never leave myself a back road when I do things, even if there are mountains of swords and fire in front of me, as long as I am willing, I will rush there without hesitation, and I will die!" " "You are crazy!" "Yes, it's crazy!" About half a year after we lived together, Geng Mochi was invited to Shanghai to participate in an international music festival. In those days when he was away, I was tormented by missing him, I couldn’t sleep every night, and often called Milan in the middle of the night, “You are really hopeless Already!" Milan gritted his teeth at me. Of course I knew that I was hopeless, but I just couldn't help thinking about him and thinking about him. When he picked me up from get off work on the day he came back from Shanghai, the man I had been thinking about day and night suddenly appeared in front of me. She was so pleasantly surprised that she almost shed tears, and quickly ran into his arms, throwing all the options and leeway out of the blue. This is the man I've longed for all my life!I thank God for sending such a wonderful person to me after experiencing several emotional catastrophes and the nightmare of my husband committing suicide!As soon as he and I got back to the apartment, we fell on the bed, and I let him kiss wildly, melting my beautiful and hot body like crazy, I felt like I was floating up, carried away in the cloud of happiness... I think I'm crazy, completely crazy, this madness makes me excited, but also makes me afraid, because I know that my whole soul is attached to this man, no one can let me let go, even if it is to put myself There is no scruples about being smashed into dust and nothing, being or disappearing, it makes no difference to me, but it is completely different with or without his love! On the bed, he hugged me without saying a word. When he fell asleep, I hadn't slept. I haven't had a full sleep for a long time.The man I love is lying in my arms at this moment, his face is extraordinarily peaceful and serene, he is dreaming, will there be me in the dream?I don't know, because I still can't walk into his heart, and his heart is more insurmountable to me than the Pacific Ocean. A few days later, I accidentally read his diary in the study room. It was like a blow to the head, and all the good hopes collapsed in an instant. I didn't believe it was true, I didn't believe it... I thought I had enough sense to face this relationship squarely. Even if I can't walk into his heart, I still believe in his sincerity towards this relationship, but in the end it's just a self-deceiving scam, I'm the one acting, and he's watching it... I didn't mean to read his diary, but I know that he has always had the habit of keeping a diary. He went to bed very tired after writing the diary that day, and rushed to the studio early the next morning. The diary was placed in the study I admit that it was a great temptation for me. After struggling for a long time, I opened his diary nervously and excitedly. God testify, I only read one article, but just one article completely broke me! Here's what he wrote in his diary: I cried hoarsely before I finished reading it, put down the diary and ran out of the study as if fleeing.I ran back to my apartment, hid in the house and cried all day.In fact, it should have been thought of long ago, why did it take until now to face up to it?I didn't dare to tell anyone, not even Milan. I was silently enduring the blow and torment like a storm and tsunami, because only I knew that I was actually taking revenge on him, but this was just an initial thought, love I've given up on him.Unexpectedly, he never gave up. Although I doubted it, but seeing him being so emotional to me, I never thought that he was still trapped in the abyss of hatred and couldn't extricate himself. When he came back at night, he didn't realize that I had read the diary, and he was still in love with me.I lay in his arms, looked at his tired face, and suddenly sympathized with this man more than I sympathized with myself. But the next day, we had our first big quarrel since we met. He originally had good intentions, drove to the radio station on time to pick me up from get off work, and asked me how my day was going.I said, how you live, how I live.He immediately felt that I was not in the right mood. He looked at me, his eyes flickered, and he didn't speak again.Back at the apartment, after dinner, we sat on the couch and watched TV.In fact, no one saw it, each of them was thinking about their own thoughts. "Go to bed, it's late!" He turned off the TV, got up and went to the bathroom. I still sat on the sofa without moving, unwilling to do anything, and in a very bad mood.After a while, his voice came from the bathroom: "Kao'er, I forgot to take my pajamas, help me." "Where's your pajamas?" "In the bottom drawer of my wardrobe." "Okay, wait a minute." As I said that, I entered the bedroom. The bedroom was very big, and there were two wardrobes, and his was inside.Usually, everyone's clothes are put away separately, and everyone forms a tacit understanding, and rarely touches each other's things.I knelt down and pulled open the drawer under the closet vigorously, looked through, found no pajamas, and opened another drawer, I was shocked when I opened it, it was full of women's clothes, mostly The bras and panties, both exquisite and luxurious, were neatly folded, and I knew right away who they belonged to.He still has Yesha's stuff!No wonder he refuses to let people touch his closet casually, I understand, I understand everything, not only has he not given up, he is still keeping it... I watched those underwear trembling all over, and tears welled up in my eyes. "Who told you to touch my things?!" A roar suddenly came from behind. I stood up instinctively, looking at the person who was angry at me with tears all over my face, at a loss. "Who gave you the right to rummage through other people's things, have you been educated?" He stood in front of him wrapped in a bath towel, looking fierce as if I had done something outrageous. "Sorry, I didn't mean to." "It wasn't intentional? Was it? I'm afraid it wasn't it?" The man in front of him suddenly became very strange, with an angry expression on his face, and sneered, "Haven't you been exploring my affairs all the time? Why pretend in front of me!" "Who pretended in front of you? If I really wanted to watch it, would I choose to watch it at this time? I had plenty of time to watch it during the half month you went to Shanghai! So what if I watched it, what's shameful, it's you If you have ghosts in your heart, you are afraid of being seen!" I also got angry and stared at him without showing any weakness. "That's enough, you don't need to explain, I understand everything you want to know, don't think you are smart, I have already warned you, don't go to the bottom of things you shouldn't know! Why are you so ignorant?" "I don't know what's interesting?" I cried, "Then tell me what I should know and what I shouldn't know, can you explain it to me?" "I won't explain! Why should I explain to you!" "That proves that you have a ghost in your heart!" "I have ghosts in my heart, but don't you have ghosts in your heart?" He retorted. "Okay, okay, I can't tell you, I was wrong, okay? Are you satisfied?" I was so angry that I rushed out of the bedroom, grabbed a coat on the sofa, and ran out without even changing my shoes.I ran to Milan's apartment in tears, because my own house was lent to Aunt Qi Shujie's son as a wedding room, and I had nowhere to go but to find Milan.Milan hates iron but not steel, "I said earlier that Geng Mochi is not easy, so I told you not to get too deep, how about it, have you tasted the pain?" "What's the use of talking about it now? Don't mention him!" I shouted with red eyes. The process of getting the house was a lot of trouble. After the house was back, I immediately hired someone to redecorate it, and then took a spare time to go to his apartment. I wanted to get my things back.It has been more than a month since he rushed out of the house, and he didn't even make a phone call. I wonder why I didn't find him so cold before.I went there at night, opened the door by myself, and went straight into the bedroom to pack my things.He was in the study at the time, and when he saw someone coming in, he came out to check the situation. He should have thought it was me. Besides me, who would have the key to his apartment? He was not surprised to see me at all, and said coldly: "You don't need to clean up, I will clean up for you, I know you will come to get it sooner or later." My eyes were straightened, and his words strongly stimulated me, like a flash of lightning, making me suddenly see something terrible, and my eyes widened suddenly, "You... have already prepared for me to get out?" Before the words were finished, unfulfilling tears rolled down again. But he turned a blind eye, leaned against the bedroom door with a book and said arrogantly: "If you want to move out, no one will stop you, but you have to think about it, and don't come back after you go out." "Come back?" I stared directly at this incredible monster, "I will come back? To hell with you, I will never come back even if I die! Inhuman things, I don't want to see you again in this life! " I snarled, picked up the suitcase and pushed him away viciously, "Get out of the way! Let me out!" I walked across the living room and scrambled on my shoes.Before going out, the bastard said another sentence: "This is just a game, you are too serious." After a pause, he said, "Would you like me to see you off? It's very late." "Send your soul away! Bastard!" I slammed the door heavily after cursing.Then I came to the apartment in Milan with my luggage. My house has not been renovated yet, so I can only live here in Milan temporarily. Milan originally wanted to ask me what Geng Mochi said when I went to pick up my luggage, but seeing my expression, he didn't dare to speak.I didn't bother to explain, so I ran into the room and buried myself under the quilt without saying a word. For many days after that, I didn't say anything, I had nothing to say, and I didn't go to work, so I was really not in the mood.Milan leaves early and returns late, and the two rarely meet each other.There is a big fish tank in the living room, in which there are many bulging-eyed goldfish. I stare at those goldfish all day in a daze. At night, when Milan falls asleep, I can’t sleep. Man, only those goldfish are alive in this house. I found it interesting that those cute fish sleep with their eyes open, floating motionless on the surface of the water, as if they are always on guard for fear that someone will hurt them.I thought to myself, even the fish know how to be vigilant and protect themselves. As a human being, I am not as good as those fish! I couldn't sleep all night and all night. I sat in the living room until dawn. The fish were still swimming happily. I found that I also became a fish sleeping with my eyes open. I didn't dare to close my eyes. I was afraid. Darkness, because I can't find myself at all in the dark.I was in a trance all day long, at a loss, paced up and down in the room all night, and bit my hands and hair with my teeth, even the pillow and quilt. It was my broken hair, and the pillow and quilt were also bitten out of small holes. On those cold rainy nights, I often wandered alone in the garden downstairs, looking sadly at the endless dark night, even though the rain drenched my clothes, I didn't feel anything.Milan came back late that day and saw me sitting stupidly on the stone bench in the garden downstairs again, so he dragged me upstairs, and when I entered the room, I lay down on the window sill and stared at the dark night in a daze. Milan didn’t call me anything. reaction. "Milan, come and see, he turned on the light!" At this time, I was already delirious, and I suddenly had hallucinations in front of my eyes, and I waved excitedly at Milan.Milan looked out, the lights were dark, and the lights of Geng Mochi’s apartment couldn’t be seen here at all, but I insisted that I saw the lights over there, and I leaned out and muttered to myself: “Look! He’s playing the piano again Well, he's all alone, which piece is he playing? Let me see, yeah, he always plays that piece for me... Look, he's downstairs again, where is he going in his car , went to the cemetery? What is he doing standing in front of the tomb, talking to ghosts? He would rather talk to ghosts than to talk to me, Milan, why do you think this is? Why didn’t he just bury me in that deep place? I was inside, he was outside, was he willing to tell me what was in his heart at that time, just like he was standing in front of his wife's tomb and talking now... But I'm afraid this is just an extravagant wish, because across the tombstone, I I still can’t see through his heart, I’m tossing and turning in the grave, I can’t rest in peace, because I can’t see through his heart, so I can’t rest in peace, even if I die a hundred times!” "Kaoer, what's the matter with you? What's the matter with you!" Milan was terrified by my state, grabbed my shoulder and shook desperately.After being shaken by her a few times, my consciousness seemed to come back, and only then did I realize that I had a fever and my whole body was hot. Knowing that the problem was serious, Milan dragged me to the hospital the next day.After the doctor asked about the situation, he prescribed some sedatives, saying that it was only a short-term mental disorder. After going home and resting for a few days, he will recover slowly, but he must not be stimulated again. Or long-term mental depression can cause the condition to change or even worsen. Milan was terrified, so he had to go to Geng Mochi and show him the medical certificate issued by the doctor, hoping that he could save me. According to Milan later, Geng Mochi's attitude was very indifferent, and he only said one sentence: "I will not see her, I have already let her go and gave her a way out, it is her own business that she can't escape, there is nothing I can do..." In the days that followed, I didn't know whether it was the effect of the medicine or my subconscious desire to live, but I actually adjusted and gradually returned to normal.Although he still looks ugly and skinny, he is much more conscious and rarely speaks nonsense anymore.Only then did Milan breathe a sigh of relief, thinking that I cannot die, even though my appearance is not much different from that of a dead person. It’s really like I’ve died once, I’m totally broken, I’m silent, I often don’t say a word for a few days, I seem to be deliberately ignoring my language function, and I haven’t returned to the radio station to go to work for several months.Thanks to Milan's care and comfort, I gradually recovered after recuperating for a few days, and the house was just renovated, so I moved out of Milan's apartment and returned to my own residence. At this time, summer has come to an end, and the cold autumn wind blows all over the streets and alleys overnight, and the ground is full of withered and yellow sycamore leaves. I haven't seen him for two years. Although I occasionally see news about him in newspapers and TV, I know that man has nothing to do with me.In the past two years, his career has been flourishing, and the LOVE series has become popular both at home and abroad. His name has been widely heard in the music industry, and every time I hear or see his name, my heart will be stabbed severely. More blood flowed.So I can only pray silently, don't let me meet him in Shanghai, I don't want to see him again in this life, if God still wants me to live a good life! The recording work in Shanghai is busy and orderly, and the recording conditions here are indeed much better than in Star City.With the help of Feng Ke's friends, one of the most famous recording studios in Shanghai agreed to rent the studio to us.This recording studio is currently one of the best in China. Not only is the equipment first-class, but the recording and post-production level is also top-notch. Many popular singers' albums are released from this recording studio, and even many foreign record companies come to schedule their schedules.If it weren't for Feng Ke's friends to come forward, I'm afraid it might not be our turn until the end of the year.Because the billing of the recording studio is calculated on a daily basis, in order to save costs and meet the schedule, we spend more than ten hours in the recording studio every day, and sometimes stay up all night.Every time I come out of the recording studio and look at the neon lights and car lights on the street, it feels like seeing the sun again. When the recording was coming to an end, Feng Ke saw that everyone was really tired, so in order not to affect the quality of the recording, he gave us a half-day vacation and free activities.Ah Qing and several other female colleagues were very happy, and they insisted on dragging me to go shopping. In fact, I was very unwell in those few days. I had a severe cold and I was not acclimatized. It has always been strong.I wanted to rest in the hotel, but I couldn't resist Ah Qing and the others, so I had to go shopping with them, but I got separated from them when I was shopping in a department store on Nanjing Road.At first I was very anxious, and then I talked to Ah Qing on the phone, she said that if you get separated, you can go shopping by yourself, there are too many people, time is precious, don't look around. So I wandered slowly on the bustling Nanjing Road alone, without a goal or direction, feeling the luxury and prosperity of old Shanghai alone.I don't like this kind of prosperity very much. The scene of the crowds and traffic in front of me is really far from the old Shanghai described by Eileen Chang. However, if you look carefully, you can still capture some remnants of old Shanghai in the winding alleys. Shadow aftertaste.I prefer the old workshop-style cheongsam shop. Every cheongsam is a beautiful work of art, reminiscent of Wong Kar-wai's movies, and the loneliness under Maggie Cheung's cheongsam is fascinating.I looked at each family, finally turned out of an unknown alley, and found that I was standing on a busy street again. Only then did I feel that my body was almost unable to support. I saw a cafe across the road and decided to stop in.When I crossed the road and passed a well-decorated piano store, my heart felt as if I had been struck by something, and I stopped involuntarily... The sound of the piano coming from the piano store is very familiar, I have heard it before.And I suddenly realized that the person playing this piece of music is in this city! The most important thing is that this song does not belong to the LOVE series. I heard that person said that this is a private work that has never been published, so why do you hear it here? The side of the store facing the street is a floor-to-ceiling window. Looking in through the glass, the girl playing the piano is a young girl with long hair. From the side, she should be about the same age as me. She is wearing a beige dress and an orange sweater. It feels like autumn.Because of the distance, I can't see her facial features clearly, but the quiet and feminine aura she exudes is very harmonious with the comfortable and luxurious decoration in the store. Besides her, there are two other girls who look like shop assistants in the store. Listen to her play the piano.I couldn't help but walked in. For two years, I didn't expect to hear the long-lost piano sound in such a place.So much so that I stood at the door, unable to move for a long time, as if I was immersed in a long-awaited dream. I noticed that this store is very large, with two floors, and the bottom is probably a showroom, where all kinds of expensive imported pianos and exquisite sofas are arranged in a patchwork order for guests to rest. There are fragrant lilies on the coffee table, and the fragrance of flowers is refreshing. The sun shines in through the floor-to-ceiling windows, stretching my shadow very long, and the sound of the piano lingers in the quiet store like running water. I feel like I am wandering in a dream, and everything in front of me is so unreal. After the song was played, the two clerks realized my existence, and immediately smiled professionally at me, "Welcome." The girl playing the piano turned to me, so I saw a beautiful face, no makeup, transparent skin, pointed chin, like Zhou Xun in "Daming Palace Ci".But she is obviously more friendly than Zhou Xun. I noticed that her eyes were very clear, so I smiled at me and nodded as a greeting. I was a little puzzled for a while, she should not be a shop assistant, because she didn't wear a uniform like the two girls next to her, but if she was a customer, why did she play the piano in the store so comfortably and know the shop assistant so well? "Miss, is there anything I can help you with?" A round-faced clerk walked up to me, probably treating me as a customer. "Oh, I'll take a look." I kept staring at the girl playing the piano when I said this.She is not amazingly beautiful, but she has an aura that ordinary people don't have, especially her big eyes, which seem to overflow with water. I have never seen a girl with such clear eyes. "Excuse me, is the piece you played just now called 'Heartstrings'?" I asked abruptly. The girl showed a surprised expression, her big eyes flickered, "How do you know this song?" "I have heard." "This...Is this impossible? Did you remember wrongly?" Although the girl was surprised, she kept smiling. Her smile was very peaceful, and her eyebrows and eyes were curved, which made people feel very comfortable. I also smiled, "I remember correctly, I have heard it, and I have listened to it often for a while." The girl looked me up and down, and was about to say something, when footsteps and voices came from the stairs not far away, "Jinyi, why don't you play the piano, I haven't heard you play the piano for a long time." There was more than one person walking down the spiral staircase in the center of the store while talking. The one who spoke was a man in a plaid suit, wearing glasses, in his early thirties, gentle and refined, and the person who followed him down was also about the same age. The man, because he is condescending, I think he is extra tall from my point of view, wearing a light beige pullover and white casual trousers. The overused word Yushu Linfeng is most appropriate for him. The moment he saw me, he stopped in his tracks. For a moment, I felt that he was smiling, but in fact he just twitched the corner of his mouth, and his eyes flicked across my face like clouds, looking me up and down. I feel like I'm shaking and my eyes are spinning. "Darwin, are you done chatting?" The girl named Jin Yi seemed to know them very well, and greeted them with a smile, "Mo Chi, why don't you go to my house for dinner tonight, and I'll make delicious lion heads for you. Julien said he hadn't seen you for a long time." "That's good. I'm free today. I'm going back to Japan with Sam in two days. I don't know how long I'll be back next time." The man in a suit obviously regarded me as an ordinary customer and glanced at me. He didn't look at me anymore, but said to Jin Yi, "I haven't heard you play this piece for many years, why are you in such a good mood today?" "Oh, this lady said she's heard this song before." Jin Yi remembered me at the side, pointed at me and said to the man in a suit, "I was just about to ask her where she heard it." Only then did the man in the suit turn his attention back to me, "Miss, have you heard this 'Heartstrings'? Where did you hear it? This song has never been published..." “她当然听过。”耿墨池说着已从楼梯上下来，盯着我。这次我看清了，他嘴角的确是含着笑意，“很久不见了，考儿。” 西装男子看看我，又看看他，恍然大悟，“哦哟，你们认识啊，我说呢，这曲子除了你跟瑾宜，没有人会弹，也应该没有外人听过。” 瑾宜也笑了起来，“我是觉得奇怪呢，原来你们认识。” 我只觉恍惚，明明置身明亮的店内，却像是站在暗夜的天空下，无边无际的黑暗海水般漫上来，令我透不过气，浑身冰凉。无数次地幻想过跟他重逢的情景，什么场合都想过，酒吧、茶楼、商场、飞机上、街头……无论在哪儿碰到他，我都设想我的样子一定是光鲜亮丽，神采飞扬，见到他时一定是高昂着头，像只骄傲的孔雀等待着他因为我生活得如此之好而惊叹和懊悔，可是结果呢，却是在这样尴尬狼狈的场景下遇到他。真是狼狈，因为我的眼中已经蓄满泪水…… 这时耿墨池已经站到了我边上，眼光直勾勾地盯着我，仿佛要穿透我的胸膛。他看着我失态的样子大约很过瘾，唇畔的笑意更深了，“不认得我了？” 我想夺路而逃，但是我不能。纵然我一生懦弱，也不能在这一刻胆怯。而且，我绝对不能在他面前落下泪，绝对不能…… “真巧。”我抽动着嘴角，努力想挤出一丝笑容，却终究没有成功。 “是啊，真巧。”他点点头，目光凝成火星似的一点，上下左右追着我的脸，“什么时候来上海的？” “哎，墨池，你也不介绍下？”西装男子在边上笑嘻嘻地看着我们。 “我女朋友白考儿。”耿墨池落落大方地指了指我，又跟我指了指西装男子和瑾宜，“这是我经纪人韦明伦，这是何瑾宜。” “女朋友？”韦明伦顿时又瞪大眼睛，“哎哟喂，墨池，今天没有最惊喜，只有更惊喜啊，你终于肯承认你有女朋友了。” “我们分手了。”我也不是没见过世面的，这时候理智已经回来了，呼吸也顺畅了些，但我怕下一秒就露馅，我就快撑不住了。我并没有看他，只是朝瑾宜和韦明伦笑了笑，“抱歉，我还有事，先走一步了。” 说着就朝门外走。 “我送你。”他紧跟着我出来。 街边上的风有些大，我穿得很单薄，一出来就瑟瑟发抖，抑或是我一直就在发抖，头晕得仿佛随时会倒下去。 “你什么时候来上海的？”他紧挨着我站在街边上，丝毫不忌讳我们已形如陌路，还握了下我的手，“你很冷。” 我甩开他，“别动手动脚的。” 他嗤的一下笑出声，“你还是老样子啊，一点儿都没变，一见着我就竖起全身的刺。没必要吧，我们始终还是朋友对不对？” “我要走了。”我伸手拦出租车。 可是来来往往的出租车像是商量好了似的，全是满客。 “你住哪里，我送你吧。我的车就在那边。”他指了指琴行不远处的一个路口。 我拒绝道：“不了，你也挺忙的，我自己拦车。” 可还是没有一辆车停下来。 “你脸色不大好，像是生病了吧。我送你。”他坚持。我侧过身没有理他，因为实在不想看到他这张脸。于是他又从左边绕到右边，他偏要对着我的脸，点燃一根烟，慢慢吞吐着烟雾，神色已没有刚才在店内那样和煦了，那张刀削过似的冷峻的脸在烟雾的笼罩下倍感遥远。 “你好像过得不怎么样哦，这么憔悴，像个刚出院的病人。”他面无表情地审视着我。 “那你应该很高兴才是。” “也是，也不是。” 他长长地吐了口烟圈，一只手夹着烟，一只手支着下巴，一双眼睛格外的犀利明亮。我不得不承认他是个很有气场的人，梦幻一样的光芒瞬间罩住了我，让我无处藏身。 “怎么会这样呢，离开我你应该生活得很好才是。”他淡淡地说。 我回避着他的目光，无法克制的悲伤在心底泛滥，“你有什么好嘲笑的，我过得怎样跟你没有关系。” “你还是这么倔强，一点儿也没变。”他摇摇头，伸手弹弹烟灰，更深的烟雾笼罩了他的脸。我感觉他比两年前瘦了些，但眼神刚毅，那精气神儿足以将他眼前这个半死不活的女人比进地狱。 毫无疑问，他已经不是两年前那个郁郁寡欢神情灰暗的耿墨池了，他成功地摆脱了过去，或者说过去根本没对他产生什么影响，他活得精神着呢，他活在现在。我想不明白，他怎么有这么大的本事，竟可以将自己完好无损地保存到现在。而我呢，活得像个鬼，既定的现实不敢去面对，只能靠过去支离破碎的一点儿记忆勉强维持自己微弱的呼吸，我还是留在过去。 他现在是声名显赫的钢琴家，两年前就是，现在更是如日中天。前阵子就在报纸上看到他的消息，他被邀请到北京为某钢琴大赛当评委，组委会为请到这么个大腕级人物正在各大媒体大张旗鼓地做宣传呢。他实在是个成功的男人，他享受着这一切，有那么多人崇拜他，那么多人围在他身边为他喝彩。而我却什么都不是什么都没有，站在这人流如织的街头，感觉自己像个落魄的乞丐…… 我怎么能忍受跟这个男人比！不能比的，我受不了，早知如此，我真不该来上海，就是拿绳子捆我也不来！我宁愿挖个地洞找个黑暗的角落把自己藏起来，这样就不会见到他。我已经一无所有，绝不能再失去自己最后一点儿可怜的自尊。 这么一想头脑忽然就冷静下来，正好有辆出租车停在跟前，我毫不犹豫地拉开车门坐上去，关上车门时他忽然问了句，“还爱我吗？” 我回头看了他一眼，冷冷地答：“我早就忘了爱是什么了。” 车子迅速驶入滚滚车流，我从前座倒车镜中看到，他迎风站在琴行门口目送着我离开。人来人往的街头，孤独的身影仿佛是电影中结局的镜头，越来越小，越来越模糊，茫茫人海，就那么消失不见。 至此，我终于放声大哭。我并不知道我为什么哭，我有什么好哭的，可是泪水像是决了堤瞬间汹涌而泻。司机是个四十多岁的大叔，显然是见怪不怪了，回头看了我两眼，没有说话，却从前面拿了盒纸巾递给我。我开始还能控制着保持坐姿，到后来我哭得快背过去，哭得整个人蜷成了一团，弓着身子伏在膝盖上。两年了，即使祁树杰死的时候，即使当初我跟他分手，我都没有这么绝望地恸哭过…… 回到酒店，阿庆她们还没回来，我很庆幸没有让她们看到我红肿的眼睛。我洗了个热水澡，将自己蒙在被子里。可是我根本没办法入睡，一闭上眼睛，脑子里就像放电影似的，支离破碎的往事一幕幕闪现，我又开始哭，断断续续，哭着慢慢睡去。也许是太疲惫了，阿庆什么时候回来的我一点儿也不知道。 早上起来，阿庆瞅着我的眼睛直摇头，“昨晚睡觉老听到你在哭，叫你也没反应，你是在做梦吗？考儿，我是真的担心你，你别怪我多嘴……”阿庆叹口气，开始喋喋不休，“我知道你的心里一直有人，可你看看这两年，你过的是什么日子，人不人鬼不鬼的。我不知道你是不是为这个男人，但我提醒你，能放下的就放下，不要把自己整得太苦了。你还年轻，又这么漂亮，有什么坎过不去的呢？” 我一句话也没说就进了浴室，关上门的刹那又开始泪流不止。 长久以来，我似乎习惯了等待，即使在梦里亦不断地上演着与他的不期而遇。其实等待本身就是一种荒谬的错误，那些我期待的幸福并不会因为等待就会到来，反而会随着时光的流逝愈来愈模糊。事实上，感情的世界里从来就没有公平可言，我努力地遗忘他不过是表明我的心底只有他，而他的心底压根就没有我存在的角落，所以他在见到我时可以那么淡定自如，就仿佛我只是个路人甲。于是我不得不相信，男女间的角逐谁在乎得越多，谁就输得越惨，两年前我退出时其实就已经惨败，我不仅失去他，也失去了自我。我一败涂地。 既然如此，我何苦在这里流泪，再多的眼泪也没办法让时光倒流。如果时光倒流，我一定不会在漫长的思念中等待他，也不会像现在这样失魂落魄没有主张。这么一想，我终于平静下来，对着镜子用尽疼痛的力气微笑，“没什么，输了就输了，愿赌服输，不是吗？” 疼痛终会消散，而生活总要继续。 我迅速洗了把脸，整理了下头发，又往脸上扑了点儿粉，这才打开浴室的门走了出去。阿庆已经收拾妥当，等着我下楼用早餐，她真是很细心，不知道从哪儿翻出一副墨镜递给我，“喏，戴上，你这样子还怎么见得了人。” 我默不作声地戴上墨镜，“谢谢。” “谢啥啊，我也是过来人，没什么大不了的，咬咬牙就过去了。”说着帮我拎起包，“走吧，冯客他们都在楼下等着呢。” 下了楼，冯客和其他同事正坐在酒店大堂的沙发上，他朝我跟阿庆招手，“过来过来，在这儿开个几分钟的短会。” 阿庆嚷嚷：“有没有搞错，哪有在酒店大堂开会的？” “节约时间节约时间。”冯客是那种越熬夜越精神的主，我们一干人熬得像鬼，就他一人精神矍铄，小眼睛贼亮贼亮的，他一下就盯住了我，“哟，考儿，今天真有范儿啊，连墨镜都戴上了。” “酷吧？” “酷！”录音即将杀青，冯客的心情看上去不错，笑嘻嘻地打量我们一干女同事，“怎么样，女士们，昨儿逛街收获大吧？有艳遇不？” “艳你个头，就一个下午，哪儿够啊。”阿庆抱怨。 短会也就是交代下这两天的日程安排和要注意的事项，几句话的事情，因为不断有人打岔，冯客说了上句忘下句，急得抓耳挠腮，正好我的手机响了，我到一边接电话，是母亲打来的，问我月底回不回去，老爸的生日…… “妈，我现在在上海，爸生日我肯定会过去，我这边的工作还有两天就结束了。”我就怕老妈跟我在电话里唠嗑，她要一唠上嗑没个把小时不会挂电话，我在外地，手机漫游费很贵的。我三两句打发了老太太，一转身，吓一跳，刚刚还被我在心里鞭挞的某男从天而降似的杵在我的旁边，对我露齿一笑，“真巧啊。” 他什么时候出现的，我一点儿也没发现。 "you……" “我在这边见个朋友，刚好看到你在这儿。”他的神色再自然不过，好像一切真的是巧合。我当然不信他的鬼话，我只是纳闷他怎么这么快就知道我住的地方，一时有些反应不过来。不过到了上海就是他的地盘，他想知道的事情总会有办法知道的。我于是也干笑两声，“是啊，太巧了，耿先生一个人来的？” “你戴墨镜的样子有点怪。”他根本不接我的话，闲闲地打量我，东拉西扯，“这墨镜不适合你，改天我送你副好的。” “抱歉，我很忙，马上要去工作了。”我保持镇定，说着就朝冯客他们走过去。他扯了下我，朝我伸出手，“把你手机借我用下。” 我狐疑地看着他。 他耸耸肩，“我的好像没带。” 如果我不给，似乎显得小气了，只得迟疑着将手机递给他。他拿了我的手机不慌不忙地拨了个号码，结果忽然从他身上传来熟悉的童谣，“两只老虎，两只老虎，跑得快，跑得快。一只没有耳朵，一只没有尾巴。真奇怪，真奇怪……” 我正诧异着，他却不慌不忙地从外套口袋里掏出某品牌最新款的手机。 “瞧，在我身上呢，怎么没想到是放里面了呢。”他面不红心不跳地看了看显示屏，确认我的号码已经显示在他的手机上，这才摁掉铃声，将我的手机递还给我，“谢谢。” 我真想抽他！ 与此同时，从大堂旁边的茶座传来一阵哄笑。我循声望过去，三名衣冠楚楚的男子正瞅着这边笑得前仰后合，其中有个我认得，是昨日在琴行遇见的韦明伦。他率先起身，一边朝这边走过来，一边在笑，“我说墨池啊，天还没亮你就给我打电话，说要请我们喝早茶，结果你绕了半座城把我们带到这儿来，等赶过来早茶已经过了点，你就让我们空着肚子喝咖啡，还尽给我们扯白，敢情你是拉我们来陪你守株待兔哪，你丫也太不厚道了，事先也不打个招呼。” “是啊，我都喝得胃疼了。”另外两人也起身走过来，一看都不是泛泛之辈，其中一人大约是这几个人里最年轻的，身材却最高大，非常英俊，他瞅着耿墨池直乐，露出一口白牙，“我说你这追女人的手法也忒老土了吧，一点儿创意都没有。” 如果不是念及还有同事在那边，我真想踹他一脚，“你真无聊！” “别听他们胡扯，真的是碰巧，我又不知道你住在这里。”这人还在睁着眼说瞎话，大约是没睡好的缘故，眼底布满血丝。 “咳咳咳……”旁边几位忍住笑，拼命做咳嗽状。其中一位穿蓝色西服的很斯文的男子说：“行了，你就别编了，还不赶紧介绍下。” 耿墨池指了指我，“白考儿。”又一一给我介绍他们，“韦明伦，你昨儿见过。这位是黄钟，这是Sam，都是我朋友。” ... 后面的情形就有些乱了，冯客他们见我在跟这几个人搭讪，也跑过来打招呼，耿墨池也表现得很热情，跟这个握手，跟那个握手，将绅士风度发挥到极致。而就我对他的了解，他对陌生人素来是很冷淡的……而他带来的三个人一看也是场面上混的人，也很得体地跟冯客这边寒暄。两边人马把原本安静的大堂搅得热闹非凡，进出大堂的客人无不侧目，因为不光是这边人多，主要是耿墨池这几个人扎人堆里足够抢眼，个个衣冠楚楚，气场强大，连阅人无数的冯客也对耿墨池的身份产生了好奇，递上烟套近乎，“耿先生，做哪行的？” “音乐。”耿墨池一般情况下并不愿意透露自己的身份，所以他通常只报姓不报名。但是我忘了身边的阿庆是出了名的嗅觉敏锐，她在旁边观察一阵后，忽然问道：“请问这位先生是不是就是弹奏LOVE系列曲的耿墨池？” 我心下暗叫不妙，耿墨池也很意外，来不及反应，聒噪的阿庆立即两眼放光，“您肯定就是耿老师吧？哎呀，我可是您的乐迷啊，您在我们湖南那边有很多的粉丝，今天见到您真是太荣幸了！”说着又伸出手跟耿墨池握手（明明刚才已经握过了），一边握手一边咋呼，“您比照片上还要年轻，真是久仰久仰……” 耿墨池被动地被握手，尴尬地笑笑。 “哟，原来是耿老师啊？”阿庆还没松手，冯客也在旁边咋呼开了，“我说考儿，你也太深藏不露了，原来你跟耿老师是朋友，怎么不早说呢？耿老师，您不知道啊，您的音乐在我们湖南那边很受追捧。” “是吗？”耿墨池不冷不热，看得出是在敷衍。 “是啊，很多人都喜欢你的音乐，”冯客还特别指着我，“当然，这还得感谢我们的白主播不遗余力的推广啊，你的每一首曲子都不止一次地被她在节目里用过……” “哦？”他看着我，眉毛奇怪地扬了起来。 我恨不得挖个地洞钻进去。 “是的，是的，”阿庆也抢着说，“她可是您的忠实乐迷，不仅在节目里放您的音乐，还把您的照片压在办公桌的玻璃下，没事就看着照片发呆，要不我怎么瞧着耿老师这么眼熟呢，下次去湖南一定要去我们台做节目！”刚才还勉强应付的耿墨池此时突然心情大好，连声说，“好啊，有机会一定去，是白主播的节目吗？” “当然，到时候你就上她的节目。” “OK，就这么说定了。”耿墨池连连点头，不时看着我，眼神柔软，分明还有几分得意。 我难堪至极，站在这个光芒四射的男人身边，无端觉得透不过气。 我招呼冯客：“冯导，我们该去录音棚了。” 冯客这才想起正事，“哦，对对，我们还要赶去棚里录音，各位失陪了。”他连连作揖，招呼一干同事赶紧撤。耿墨池将我们送出酒店大门，跟冯客说：“改天你忙完了，请你们吃饭。” 说这话时他眼光是瞟着我的。 冯客自然是连连应允，这时我们租的面包车已经开了过来，趁他们陆续上车之际，我冷冷地质问他：“你到底想干什么？” 他背着手站在门口，凝视我半晌，声音发哑：“考儿，我以为我再也见不到你。你一定还爱着我吧？” 我低低骂了句：“不要脸。” “对不起，我还爱你。”