From this moment on, my life has been rewritten. The life of a person who has been destroyed is destined not to be a good start... I've been thinking about how to start this story. At that time, the night in Seattle was thick, and the harbor of lights was twinkling at the foot of the mountain. Looking out through the window, except for the dark sky, only dense forests could be seen, and an orange halo was faintly seen from the other side of the forest.I knew that it was because the dense sea of ​​lights on both sides of the lake area was too bright, so the stars in the sky were also dimmed.

That's where Sleepless in Seattle comes from. I close my eyes, and many past events are in front of my eyes, which somehow become blurred.Many faces appeared in my mind, living, dead, loved, hated... Too many faces sank and then came up again, "they" watched me silently through the mottled light and shadow of time and space, His eyes are as sad as the night wind outside the window. Many people always know that they should not know each other until they get to know each other. Many things always know that they are wrong after they have happened. Many times, they always know that they are wrong and continue to be wrong.

However, I still have no regrets. Time goes back to July 13th five years ago. That day was actually a very ordinary day, but the more ordinary it is, the more likely it is that something extraordinary will happen, and there will be no sign for you.what was i doing that dayI was enjoying a delicious meal after shopping with two old classmates, Milan and Li Yingzhi, at a western restaurant in Star City. The environment of that restaurant is very elegant, the air is filled with the smell of steak, coffee, red wine and various perfumes, it is cloudy, and it feels that the lights are a bit deceptive.A girl with a pretty face sat in front of a black piano and played it intently. The tune was very familiar. It was Carpenter's "Yesterday Again", and she played it well, with a touch of nostalgia.I had a good conversation that day, and I talked about all kinds of interesting things that I had against the professor in college, which made Milan and Sakura laugh out loud, but when this song sounded, I felt a certain nerve in my body twitch faintly Once, it was very slight, and the pain disappeared without feeling it.

If it wasn't for what happened later, I wouldn't have thought of this specious touch at all. If I had to say a premonition, this might be the only strange thing I felt that day, but I didn't realize it at the time, and I was stunned for a while. , talking and laughing again, completely unaware that disasters are quietly coming in another adjacent city—— Just seconds!My husband, Qi Shujie, drove a white Honda into the lake without hesitation, so determined, so sad, without any hesitation, as if it was an inevitable thing that no one could stop.This is really an exception. He usually likes to procrastinate when doing things, and sometimes he changes his mind when he encounters a situation.It seems that he has never been very determined to do something. He has been hesitant throughout his life. If you have to compare it, there are only two times that are relatively determined. The first time is when you married four years ago. For me, one time is to die resolutely today, four years later.

Regarding his death, there were many versions later. Some people said that he was hijacked for money and killed him. ...Anyway, there are all kinds of things to say, and new rumors come out every day. Qi Shujie has "died" countless times in the spittle of those people.I'm afraid this is what he didn't expect. He has always been a low-key person, and he doesn't like to be gossip, and he doesn't like to be at the forefront of the storm. As long as he has a choice, he will always choose to retreat behind the scenes.I really didn't expect that such a low-key person like him died so vigorously, even I, who was used to being in the limelight since childhood, couldn't compare to him.However, the real circumstances of his death were later provided by the police.

According to their investigation, the white Honda had been parked under the shade of the trees by the lake for a whole afternoon, without moving a muscle. Somehow in the evening, the street lights had been turned on, and when people went for a walk by the lake to cool off, the car suddenly roared like a raging lion. It soared up with full horsepower, and after drawing a graceful arc in the air, it plunged into the lake with a muffled sound.That picture must be very spectacular, just like many car advertisements, speeding fast, chasing the wind and the moon, and showing perfection like flowing clouds and flowing water. Every time I see such a car advertisement on TV, I will imagine the scene of Qi Shujie's death, So I don't know how many times Qi Shujie "died" in my imagination.

Pulling away, let's go back to the day when the incident happened.Immediately after the car rushed into the lake, there was a burst of screams. Onlookers rushed from all directions, and ambulances and police cars also arrived one after another.But they were helpless, because the car had sunk to the bottom of the lake, and the lake was quiet.The lake is still rippling with charming waves, the night breeze is blowing, and the stars are dotted, as if nothing has happened. Then the police began to block the scene, a crane came in, and several divers dived into the lake to salvage.For a while, the shore was brightly lit and full of voices.At around four o'clock in the morning, the Honda that rushed into the lake finally surfaced.The crane carefully hoisted it to the shore, the door opened, and the people inside were lifted out. Qi Shujie and a woman hugged each other tightly with wetness.a woman!That's right, it's a woman!

The whole city was a sensation. Everyone is talking. A man and a woman drove into the beautiful South Lake, and when they were caught, they were still holding hands.A suicide note was left at the scene, which was sealed with plastic tape. Obviously, the deceased had carefully prepared it before his death.There was only one sentence in the suicide note: I'm sorry for everyone, but I have no choice, because we have nothing to love... Fuck life without love!For a while my anger overwhelmed the grief of losing my husband!What is life without love?How could he be so loveless?He has a house, a car, a company, a friend’s house, a loving mother, and a beautiful wife beside him. He doesn’t have to worry about food, clothing, health, and a bright future. The only small worry is that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a little tense, but this makes him seek death. ?It is me who should seek death, it is me!Every time I was pointed at and scolded by his mother, I was so angry that I wanted to die, but I didn't die, did I last until now?

"Sooner or later, I will die for you!" I yell at him every time I get angry in front of the old woman. But God, he died before I died, and he always lags behind in everything he does. Why did he take the lead this time?Which nerve was wrong, and finally he died for me? I racked my brains and couldn't figure out how my "happy" marriage came to this point. Even if I'm sitting at the airport, it's been a few months, and I still can't figure out how Qi Shujie, who has always been obedient, dared to drive like this with me. Big joke.I always thought he was joking, knowing that he was deceiving himself and believing it.

It was only at this time that I "respected" the husband I had always looked down upon, and made me a widow at the age of twenty-six. This bastard was much more ruthless than me, and I didn't even have a chance to question him!Do you think he is ruthless? However, Qi Shujie obviously underestimated me. Even if he died for me, my life would still go on. I didn’t want to be a chaste woman for him because he couldn’t survive. He wasn’t worth it. I wouldn't do that either.You see, this world is so cruel, the earth will never stop turning because of who is missing, who can say otherwise?

In a blink of an eye, it is the end of the year, December 31st. I remember it was raining and cold that day.This bad weather has been going on for several days. The weather forecast says that the cold air from Siberia is going south, and there will be sleet.Sure enough, when I went out to the airport, there were sporadic snowflakes in the sky, and the wind blew on my face like a knife, but this did not affect people's enthusiasm for travel. People coming and going at Xingcheng International Airport are rushing to New Year's Day Those who go out to visit relatives and friends and travel during the holidays are bustling like a vegetable market.Due to the bad weather, flights were delayed or canceled constantly, and angry passengers surrounded the ground staff making noise. I sat on a chair at the boarding gate with my ticket in hand, wondering if my flight would also be cancelled. I admit that I have a little hope that my flight will not fly, so that a lost young woman will be saved from an unpredictable abyss.I lost my husband and eloped with other men within a few months. If this news gets out, I will probably be ruined again.But the matter has come to this point, I have no way out, I have already promised him, and I have arrived at the airport, it is not in my character to run away. The snow outside was falling harder and harder, and the sky was terribly gloomy. I looked at the snow-covered world outside the floor-to-ceiling windows of the terminal hall anxiously, and my heart was even more lost.Why is it at the airport?It seems that many stories start and end at the airport, amidst the noise and indifference of coming and going, the tragedies and comedies of life are staged here one after another.I suddenly felt very dazed. I felt like those planes that take off and land at times. If no one controls them, they will never know where the next stop will be. I also wonder where my end is?Now I am free, no one controls me, everything depends on my own judgment, whether the next stop is heaven or hell... Time passed by, the plane was about to take off, and Geng Mochi was still missing, whether I could wait for him, I actually had no idea.He won't slip up, will he?Still timid?If that's the case, the flight doesn't have to be cancelled, and I don't have to take the risk. Such a result is not bad.But I thought about it again, I was so expecting him to miss the appointment or the flight was cancelled, in fact, it was me who was really timid. I was not as brave as I thought, or shameless, and I didn’t care that I was already bad. What am I doing here? Am I crazy? I was thinking wildly, but that guy showed up, I looked at him in surprise, this guy was leaning against the door of the terminal and smiling at me.He was wearing a navy blue long windbreaker with a light gray loose sweater underneath and trousers of the same color underneath. He had a strong aura, but there was cold melancholy in his brows, and he seemed a little careless, but even so, in At the airport where people come and go, this man stands out from the crowd, and the overused words like Yushu Linfeng couldn't be more appropriate for him. "Your eyesight doesn't seem to be very good. I smiled at you for a long time and didn't respond at all." He walked over with a suitcase in a cool and calm manner, and complained from a distance. "You just know, I'm highly myopic." I stood up and prepared to pick up my suitcase.Geng Mochi picked it up for me very gracefully, it was probably heavy, he pretended to be surprised and said: "What are you doing with so many things, are you planning to marry to Shanghai?" "I'm prepared," I smiled and nodded, "I heard that Shanghai men are the most suitable husbands in China. I'll go over and see if there is any suitable one..." "Certainly not." "How did you see that?" "The best man in Shanghai is right in front of you." Geng Mochi said brazenly. Half an hour later the plane soared into the sky. "To tell the truth, I waited for you for a long time, thinking that you would not come." "I'm not planning to come," I asked the stewardess for a cup of coffee, and glanced at him, "But I thought again, tomorrow is the New Year, and I have no reason to save this year's chastity until next year." "Well, it makes sense." Geng Mochi agreed. Just talking and laughing, the plane seemed to be violently bumped by the airflow.I instinctively grabbed Geng Mochi's hand, and the broadcast reminded the passengers not to panic, saying that the turbulence would pass soon, but the plane became more turbulent, and the atmosphere immediately became tense.I closed my eyes, thinking that it was over, it was over before it even started, retribution.But the man next to me held my hand majesticly, and put his arms around my shoulders, not forgetting to sigh gloatingly, "We are really destined, I didn't expect to die together." At this time, he is still in the mood to joke! I was dizzy from the turbulence of the plane, and my stomach was churning.I leaned weakly on his shoulder and prayed sadly that the plane would not fall. My past life was already a mess, and I didn’t want to die without leaving any bones. But Geng Mochi didn't stop the fire, and continued to add fuel and vinegar, "Oh, the Pacific Ocean is down there. I heard that there are many sharks in it. They can't find food in winter. They are probably hungry. They are just waiting for the plane to drop from the sky." He was obviously talking nonsense, there were obviously rolling green hills under the plane, and he hadn’t left the country, so where did the Pacific Ocean come from?I was dizzy for a while and didn't come back to my senses, so I asked tremblingly, "Can you swim?" "Sorry, no." "What if the shark eats you?" "I guess the shark will eat you first." "why?" "Because most of the sharks that come out to look for food in winter are males." I was taken aback for a moment, then laughed, and grabbed his thigh so hard that he couldn't dodge with an "ouch" in pain.This is my habit, every time I get so excited that I lose track of myself, I will twist the other party's arms and legs. Qi Shujie suffered from it during his lifetime, especially when he was in love, his body was always bruised and purple, which made him big I dare not wear short sleeves in hot weather. He often said that I have violent tendencies. But after a few years of marriage, I seldom behaved like this towards Qi Shujie, maybe it was because he was too busy, the two of us got together less often, maybe I became numb to the unchanging married life, and I had long since lost my closeness to him impulse.I know I shouldn't think of him at this time, but isn't it because of him that I'm here today? Who would have thought that he said so many words of loving me, and took the trouble to prove his love in various ways. The most extreme way was to lay the dead body with another woman in the morgue. The reason was to atone for the sin of the cheating body. His spirit and emotion will always be loyal to me. Even if he is in bed with that woman, or dies with that woman, he still thinks of me in his heart, and his love for me is "until death"... Yesha! That woman's name is Yesha! When I was identifying Qi Shujie's body, I passed out on the spot, and in a daze, I heard someone next to me mention the woman's name.I had never heard of such a man before, thanks to my dear husband's success in concealing the evidence.The two years of his affair with that woman made me unable to find even a single hair. Is it because I am too stupid or he did it too cleanly? No one can tell now, because he has taken the woman with him. He sank to the bottom of the lake without explaining to anyone, and cut off the possibility of anyone questioning him.This couple of dogs and men did a great job! I will never forget the appearance of that woman when I saw her in the mortuary: Although the face was swollen after being soaked in water, the contours were still there, and the facial features were well-developed, and the closed eyes and eyeliner were very long. The nose is high, the lips are pale, and the corners of the mouth are slightly upturned. It can be imagined that she should have been beautiful when she smiled. Her hair is brown, messily hanging down her smooth cheeks to her chest, and a heart-shaped sapphire necklace hangs around her neck, which should be of great value. Under the reflection of the light, it emits a mysterious and noble light, just like this Even though the woman is dead, the nobility that comes out of her bones is still active under the blazing light.This woman is very noble. I'm just going crazy.I have never been afraid of living people fighting against me, but I cannot face the silent fighting between two dead people. In fact, they must have fought against me for a long time, and now they mock my numbness and ignorance with death! For many days after that, my mind was not very clear, either I was in a daze and didn't say a word, or I roared like thunder and scolded everyone when I saw it, but I just didn't cry, and I didn't shed a tear from the beginning to the end. Nobody knows what's on my mind, maybe I don't either. Now snuggled up beside Geng Mochi, I am still at a loss.I don't understand why I chose this man, is it because he is Yesha's husband? No, it shouldn't be all. There seems to be some kind of wonderful fate between me and this man. On the day of the funeral, when I staggered out of the funeral home with Qi Shujie's urn in my arms, I happened to meet Geng Mochi walking in with his wife's portrait in his arms. door.The portrait was particularly dazzling in the sun, and it caught my gaze immediately. Isn't that Yesha? I stared at Geng Mochi, for a while, I was speechless as if my soul had come out of my body, the man standing in front of me was so dazzling, dressed in a black suit, tall and straight, with a dignified appearance.But his face, I am amazed at his face!Indifferent and tough, arrogant and rude, he did not show the sadness that should be shown in common sense at all, which made people wonder whether he was related to the deceased. I heard that he is a famous pianist, he often performs outside, and he can often be seen playing on TV.He and his wife Yesha co-wrote and performed a series of songs that won international awards. The two played harmoniously, and their marriage was more happy than their songs.It is indeed very "happy", the wife died, and the husband's face was as cold as ice. But my gut told me there was a reason for his indifference.He may have hidden both his love and his hate out of his aversion to showing off his sadness and pretending to be painful. Others can't see it, but I can see it, because I do the same.I didn't bother to look sad on the surface. When I saw the corpses of my husband and that woman lying in front of me in the morgue, I lost the strength of grief as if someone had cut off my neck.Now everything is a foregone conclusion, my husband's ashes are in my arms, all love and sorrow have been wiped out, and my heart suddenly presents an unprecedented peace. At that time, I was standing on the stone steps at the entrance of the funeral hall, and Geng Mochi was about to go up the steps. He obviously recognized Qi Shujie's portrait and cast a long glance at me. In an instant, there seemed to be sparks flying... He stared at me, and I stared at him, with inexplicable emotions stirring in each other's eyes. At that moment, I can't remember what I was thinking. And I really want to know what he was thinking at that moment. In fact, it didn't matter what we were thinking, because we got together a few months later and flew to Shanghai together for the New Year's Day holiday.We were each widowed, talked and laughed, and had our own concerns, but it felt really good.Thinking about it makes me happy, Qi Shujie probably didn't think that his bones were still cold, his beloved wife cheated on the husband of the woman who made him cheat physically, and the clouds flew by the window one by one, maybe he is sitting on the clouds at this moment Watch it all. What would he see? Seeing us flirting in full view, Geng Mochi and I whispering in whispers for a while, laughing wildly for a while, as if we had been dating for years. In fact, for God's sake, we were strangers a few months ago. "I think we seem a little shameless." I leaned on Geng Mochi's shoulder and said suddenly. Geng Mochi smiled and replied, "It's shameless." "Then why are we still together?" "How can we look shameless if we are not together?" "Hehe," I laughed so hard that I twisted Geng Mochi's thigh, "You shameless bastard!" Grinning his teeth in pain, Geng Mochi threw his arms around my neck as if trying to strangle me, and whispered in my ear, "If I'm not shameless, how can I show off your shamelessness? We're all the same thing!" At that moment, a strange light flashed across Geng Mochi's eyes, and there was ruthlessness in his gaze, but the ruthlessness was fleeting, replaced by a gentle gaze like rain with deep love, covering me like a net. I reached out to caress his face, "I like your shamelessness!" Geng Mochi: "Me too." I laughed out loud, and he laughed too.The tenderness and tenderness at this moment is really dizzying, just looking at his smile, I somehow thought of the ugly words "smile on the skin but not on the flesh". Trust him too. The plane finally landed safely at Shanghai Hongqiao Airport. After leaving the airport, Geng Mochi hailed a car.It was already nightfall, and the prosperity of Greater Shanghai could be seen from the car window.Geng Mochi first took me to a restaurant for dinner, then took a taxi and went straight to his residence. "Do you have a house in Shanghai?" I asked in the car. "My real home is actually in Shanghai, of course I have a house." "Then why do you keep running to Star City?" "Xingcheng has you." Geng Mochi coaxed me clearly.After a while he said again: "Yesa is from Hunan. She has never liked Shanghai. She spent most of her time in Star City. There is no other way. If you want to run away, it seems that Hunan and I are really destined..." I smiled and didn't answer. "But my life circle is all in Shanghai," Geng Mochi added. He looked out the car window, his face flickering under the reflection of the light, "I arranged my studio in Star City for Yesha's sake." , but I still feel like a passer-by. After running for so many years, I still don’t feel like home. It’s different in Shanghai, where the air is warm.” "A strong dragon can't beat a local snake, it seems that I don't dare to offend you." I pretended to sigh. "It's good that you understand, it's my territory now, how dare you offend me!" Geng Mochi smiled and hugged me tightly. His residence was a bit far from the city center, but the environment was quite good. As soon as the car drove into the community, everything around him became quiet, surrounded by green trees, and brightly lit residential buildings were hidden among the green trees.The car finally stopped in front of a row of townhouses with red exterior walls, and I could see a large balcony and large floor-to-ceiling windows on the entire wall. Qian Sa, live in such a nice house." Geng Mochi laughed out loud when he heard the words, and led me through the entrance garden, "So you don't have to worry that I'll sell you out because I don't have money." He said it in Xingcheng dialect, which was ugly.I laughed again. When he arrived at the door, he took out the key to open the door, and made a "please" gesture very gentlemanly.I pretended to be generous and entered the door, but when I went in, the guy hugged me from behind, turned around, and kissed me hard against the cold wall, "I'll wait!" It's been a long time since this moment, I'm so glad that you can come to Shanghai with me...I think..." Before he finished speaking, he couldn't wait to undress me, whispering in a low voice, fascinated. "I can't help it, my chastity is lost anyway." I bit his ear and laughed. The two quickly lost control. ... When everything calmed down, we hugged in the dark for a while and went into the bathroom to take a shower. When we came out of the bathroom, the two of them put on their pajamas and got into the warm bed. Geng Mochi leaned against the bedside and smoked. "Why are you so preoccupied?" He looked thoughtfully at me, who was silent, "Actually, since you have already taken this step, there is no need for you to still carry the burden, why make it difficult for yourself, relax a little, and be good to yourself One point, love doesn’t need to care about what other people say.” "you love Me?" "What do you think?" I laughed at myself, "It feels so luxurious." "Together is together, don't talk about these hypocritical reasons, that's what I think." He said it very bluntly.My self-esteem couldn't take it anymore, and I said coldly: "Yes, how can people like us deserve to have love!" "As long as you know." I don't give any affection. At that moment I felt like I was falling, falling, falling into a bottomless abyss.Just now I was lingering to death, but in an instant, I turned my face and refused to recognize anyone. This man is really cruel, but I don't want to show my cowardice at this time, let him think that I am in love with him, and want to extravagantly want him. What about love? I took a deep breath, pretended to be calm and sneered, "Don't worry, I won't fall in love with you. It's not easy for me to fall in love with someone." He squinted at me and nodded seriously, "This is the best." I turned my face away from him. The atmosphere became stagnant, and there was a suffocating silence. "Are you angry with me?" Seeing my cold face, he began to ask for peace, reaching out and stroking the long hair on the back of my neck, "We can't predict the future, who knows what the future will be like, if this is the case, why not enjoy it Right now, let’s talk about the future, right?” Obviously, he wanted to ease the atmosphere, and pulled back what he had said. Of course, I also know that it is not wise to tear my face at this time, so I cooperated with him to step down and save myself some face by the way, "The future is unpredictable, maybe you will fall in love with me." "Oh?" He raised his brows with such a frivolous expression, as if this was an impossible thing. "If you fall in love with me, I will reject you mercilessly." "why?" "In my emotional world, I have always been in charge of everything. For example, my husband Qi Shujie, who has been married for four years, has never heard me say that I love him. That's why he died to show me that he hates me." I looked at Geng Mochi, and I was surprised why I said such words so calmly, "I admit that my life has been ruined, and since it has been ruined, it makes me feel that nothing matters, but it doesn't mean I will Accept love from unknown sources, although you may not know what love is." Geng Mochi stared at me with probing eyes, "Thank you for reminding me." "You're welcome." "Bai Kao'er, I like your arrogance and shamelessness." "Huh?" Before I could react, he threw me on the bed and kissed me, "You make me want to conquer, I really want to know how you make me fall in love with you!" "You'll know when you fall in love with me, although I'm not rare at all!" These words stung Lou Zi, Geng Mochi bit my neck viciously, like a vampire, I screamed out in pain, but he didn't intend to let go at all, his savage breath rushed into my ears, "Then try it!" I still sighed in my heart, God, who can tell me why, why this man in front of me is so exciting, although I still can't get rid of the feeling of guilt, although the two are naked to each other at this moment, although I still can't see him clearly What is behind the flickering eyes, but there is no way, since it has been destroyed, it should be completely destroyed, it is best that there is no scum left!But tears still flowed down the corners of my eyes, and an inexplicable sadness overwhelmed me like the dark night outside the window.Because I know very well that from this moment on, my life has been rewritten. The life of a person who has been destroyed is destined not to be a good start. As for the result, it is even more boundless and dark...