Chapter 116 5. A prosperous age that has nothing to do with me (Lu Liu chapter)

This is a grand occasion. not my business. Left hand, or right hand. I quickly moved my hands and looked at the young man in front of me. He smiled and glanced at it: "Lu Liu, how old are you, and you still play this." "Guess." His feet were on the glass table, and his red cloth shoes were still covered with dirt.It just rained outside. He took the new game console, lowered his head to play, and said indifferently: "Left hand, just left hand." I quietly moved the Zippo from my left hand to my right, opened my palms, and told him—wrong. He raised his eyes, narrowed his eyes, looked at the silver lighter in my right hand, then lowered his head again, saying casually.

Yanxi likes to talk casually. This is his habit, and he only has a habit when facing me. In fact, this is very common, when you know that he often yells "follower, hurry up" to the handsome Wen Siwan, and raises eyebrows and jokes at the straightforward Xin Dayi-"Pig, I lied to you." From childhood, Yanxi and I went to school together, finished school together, ate together, played games together, and played pranks together. We are great brothers. Primary school classmate records, everyone has a copy, we pass it to each other, and everyone in the class takes a copy.

What Yanxi wrote to me was very perfunctory.He often laughed, brother, this was written by someone who is not familiar with it, right? ——What was your first impression of him? ——Eight years old, banquet, grab him three glasses of juice, four servings of pork ribs, five stacks of caviar and still laugh, so deceiving. ——His character? —Stubborn, hypocritical, weak, shameless. After I read it, I crumpled it up and stuffed it into the desk drawer. I scolded him: "Yanxi, you bastard." Yan Xi raised her eyebrows: "You son of a bitch." We get along like this when no one is looking.

Obviously, when I was ten years old, I had already learned the three-character scripture, but some people said that I looked like a little Bodhisattva. Just like the 12-year-old Yan Xi, who managed to look at the blackboard upright for a while, after class, the girl at the desk in front of him would still blush and ask, "Yan Xi, you have been looking at me in class, haven't you? Do you like me?" Yan Xi smiled gently: "I like your whole family." Born to provoke peach blossoms, there is no salvation. I sympathize with him: "One day, you will die among rotten peach blossoms."

Yan Xi wanted to smile: "If you dig a few fewer holes, I can live ten years longer." Ten years, how long is ten years, is it enough to erase the woman in his life? When he said this, I didn't know, nor could I predict that in the future, there will be a woman who will exist for ten years, and Yanxi and I will be totally different. Besides Yan Xi, Secretary Chen is the person I have spent the longest time with. I call him brother, cling to him, be gentle and kind, and obedient everywhere, but I hope that when he reports to his grandfather, he will downplay Yanxi's existence.

For example, we are inseparable, for example, we play games until we fall asleep on the carpet. As long as it's lightened a little, as long as it doesn't hinder the old man's eyes. Chen is a warm person. Although he was adopted by the Lu family, he still seems to have a bit of human touch. He did hide it, but the method was not clever, and things didn't balance out as I thought. The old man is a man who doesn't rub the sand in his eyes, and wants to drive Chen away. That day, I cried so hard that I even thought that I had a deep relationship with this person. The old man kept watching me to see if I was acting.

I had to alienate Yanxi, and get closer to Chen. I said silently, brother, brother, life is not easy for everyone, don't blame me. Yanxi went to the park to feed the dirty kitten, then threw it on me, and said, "Go, Pikachu." I remember clearly how he laughed, but the kitten ignored him, and I Already forgotten. During those days, he was a little silent. I don't know what we look like in the eyes of others, but this kind of Yanxi is indeed not a normal Yanxi. He didn't go to class, he just focused on painting, the teacher sued Yan Lao, and Yan Xi was starved and locked up in the study on the first floor.

I secretly delivered food to him, and he scolded me: "You bastard, why did you come here? I'm starving to death." I was also annoyed: "Yanxi, you bastard, it would be nice if I brought you food, I'm recruiting you, damn it, I'm so cheap, I came here by myself to be scolded by you." He immersed himself in eating, picking and choosing, throwing everything he didn't like out of the window. It was the same scene when I was eight years old. I stroked his hair and sighed: "Brother, let me dig one last hole, will it work?" The hair in my palm paused, and he smiled lightly: "Is this a discovery of conscience? I still know how to let you know."

I was cruel, but my tone was very helpless. I said, "Yanxi, I have to go abroad. I have been away for a while. This is the only time to get rid of my grandpa and my mother. They both hurt, so I can..." He interrupted me and said okay, whatever. He smiled and rolled his eyes: "In a foreign country, if you can restrain your nature, make more friends without pressure." But I am sure: "Yanxi, you know what I have done, and you will hate me." Consistently, I love bluffing around him.When I was eight years old, I said with a straight face, Yan Xi, what I wanted was never such a weak you; but who would have thought that Yan Xi could sing and sing well, but she just pretended to cry, but in a blink of an eye she made a face—I got it.

I don't know who is weaker. Putting down the chopsticks, he sat on the swivel chair in the study. Suddenly, his eyes were as cold as water, he stretched out his hand, grabbed my neck, squeezed hard, and asked me with a smile: "Are you afraid? Tell me, Lu Liu, are you afraid?" I couldn't breathe, but looked into his eyes and shook my head slightly. He word by word: "Why? Lu Liu, tell me your reason." I said: "In this world, only my brother Yanxi will not... harm me." He let go, fingers as white as jade, and placed them on the window sill.With a proud face, he said flatly: "Remember your words. I hope that one day, these words will also become the reason for me to forgive you."

And I, after all, killed him. Looking at his unbelievable eyes, in the crazy hot flames, for the first time, it became clear that the one who was betrayed and hurt was never alone. I have no time to take care of myself. If I want to have someone I can spend my whole life with, he must, like me, be as hard as iron. I often think, in that fire, if Yanxi died, if he died, would I regret it? However, he couldn't make it through, even if he was alive, he was so weak, he would be a stranger to me after all. And it is better to be a dead brother than a stranger. He said, Lu Liu, I will not hate you.I want to stand in front of you, even if I live a day longer than you, and let you watch me live with your own eyes. I lay next to his ear and said softly: "Yanxi, four years, give me four years." The old man finally believed that I had no friendship with Yanxi, and instead kept Chen as a bargaining chip against me. I left the country, but I didn't expect that my mother would act so vigorously and drive Yanxi into the dust. I took great pains to hide it from the old man, but not from this woman. Why? I ask her. But she said: "Son, keep your eyes closed, if you really don't care about someone like this." I murmured to her: "Do you know what a brother is? Brother, brother, not a bargaining chip, not a bargain, not an enemy." She looked at me with pity and compassion, a self-proclaimed gentle and kind mother.She was very generous and threw the negative of the photo in front of me: "Lu Liu, if these can keep him by your side forever, you good brother, are you still willing to destroy it?" Lu Liu. Lu Liu, ask your heart. She said: "Yanxi misses you very much, misses you very much. I gave him a desperate situation, and he can't return to the world. And you, if you can't defeat me and your grandfather, and completely control the Lu family, you will never be qualified to save him." Her eyes, looking away, are deep love and despair, like a deep pool. I stay in Vienna. Heiye often has nightmares. Someone crushed Yanxi's spine inch by inch, but I stood aside and watched quietly. There was nothing I could do, and I kept swallowing sleeping pills to help me sleep. Forget it, go to sleep. I got to know Chen Juan, he is a very interesting person, according to Yanxi's instructions, there is no pressure, get along with him, and I am often amused by his funny and deliberately dressed up. This is an American kid, with an American openness and absurd behavior. His eyes are clean, like doves. He asked me: "Lu Liu, can Chinese men like men?" I laughed and shook my head: "I don't know." Knowing his desires and intentions, this fellowship, this friendship, becomes unnerving and sad. For the first time, I made friends with people without a purpose, but it still didn't end well.He confessed, but I refused, and the man returned home angrily. After taking sleeping pills, the dream was a good dream. In the dream, I was back to back with someone who I couldn’t see, and he handed me a big red apple, which tasted so sweet. We lean on each other to absorb the remaining warmth. The mother became more rampant in the Lu family, using her relatives a lot, up and down, blood flowed like rivers. Grandpa, without revealing anything, handed me several proposals and asked me how to deal with them. He picked up the pace and groomed me. But they don't know that no matter how weak a wolf cub grows up, it will tear people apart. In this world, black is not black, and white is not white. It's ridiculous. I often switch to the only Chinese channel, staring at the weather forecast, the capital is cloudy, rainy and foggy, whether the weather is good or not. In 2000, there was no snow. Knowing from Siwan that the real Miss Wen came home, she also answered Sun Peng's call. When Yan Xi was mentioned, she occasionally and inadvertently hung up the girl's name. Yan Xi, Wen Heng, and the four characters are in pairs, as if they were originally created in heaven and earth, without being abrupt. I hung up the phone, feeling more and more pain in my heart, but I didn't know where the pain came from, and what effort I had to get rid of the pain. Pity. Lu Liu, Yan Xi. It used to be so. The amount of sleeping pills increased. When I fell into a dream, when I was young, I often looked at the sky, but the people behind me disappeared. Years ago, I invited four people to Vienna to enjoy the snow, but Wen Heng was the only one left out. Finally, I met my brother again. He hugged me and smiled lowly: "I'm still alive, you see." I hug back, so comfortable, so harmonious. I don't want to ask if he wants to forgive me, or this has nothing to do with me. Standing shoulder to shoulder with others, why ask about the past. He will always marry a wife, have children, and live a hundred years old. At that time, we became grandfathers, sitting in front of the chessboard and laughing at each other. My mother asked me: "Do you know why everyone loves to call you Little Bodhisattva?" I laughed: "They have glaucoma, myopia and astigmatism, how do I know?" My mother also laughed: "You are always easy and peaceful. If no one pushes you, you will never make it to the next step." She showed me the photos of Yan Xi and Wen Heng together, each of which was very clear.Yan Xi was gentle and pampered, and spread out her infinite warmth, as if, just waiting, this girl, bumping into her headfirst. He drank soup from her spoon, squeezed toothpaste on the window she had just cleaned to pretend to be a grandfather, pulled the hem of her clothes and laughed, with his mouth open in a heart shape. I put these pictures on my bedside, took too many sleeping pills, and couldn't sleep. I finally know why Yanxi treats me without hatred. He is very clever, afraid that the two of them will dig too many holes for each other in this life, and hate too much, so he left me first and found a way out. He is very clever. My mother smiled and asked me, he is so happy, and you are left alone, Lu Liu, what are you going to do? Those photos were developed again. The most intolerable thing in Yanxi's life is that others trample on his dignity and abandon him. When I saw those photos for the first time, I clenched my fingers into fists and still couldn't restrain my trembling. My mother said, "You shouldn't touch such dirty things." She sent it in person and threw the receipt to Yanxi. Yan Xi was stunned for a long time and understood the receipt. After a long time, he knelt on the carpet and looked at me in such pain. He didn't call my name, but I could almost hear the sound of his heart cracking. . He whispered to Ah Heng. Ah Heng. Ah Heng. Ah Heng. over and over again. Suddenly got up, like crazy, stumbled in the snow. I know where he is going, he is afraid of being abandoned by Wen Heng. Such a dirty thing, given to such a gentle and clean girl, Yan Xi, who is covered in bruises, wants to get it back, it's too scary. Xin Dayi looked at me and my mother, wary like a small animal. He, Siwan, and Si'er hurried back to China. Mother has been calm, smiling, I go back, there is still a play. "Lu Liu, you can only get back your things by yourself." she said so. On the third day, my mother called and smiled: "The game has become more difficult, do you dare to continue?" The so-called difficulty refers to Wen Heng's unwavering commitment to Yan Xi. I couldn't laugh, looked at Qingxue outside the window, and opened my mouth lightly, why don't I continue? Yan Xi suffered from hysteria and made a big fuss. The garden was turned upside down by a patient. Benefits, family affection, trade-offs, their drama never ends. I never doubt that Yanxi will come out by himself, even though I heard that the doctor almost sentenced him to death. Yan Xi is so proud, how can he tolerate being in such a stupid state all the time? Wen Heng? Temperature balance is nothing but a catalyst. Without Wen Heng, the outcome would not have changed in the slightest. I have always believed in this. In the past eighteen years, I always thought that I understood the meaning of suffering.Because, I have experienced suffering and seen suffering firsthand.Even if you have no worries about food and clothing, even if you are a human being, these two characters still cannot be shaken off. For example, Yanxi is the most painful one among my many sufferings. When he went crazy for the first time, I was not by my side; the second time, he was already numb. I hated myself and asked myself, why did it become like this?However, my heart is always uneasy and still desperately thinking that Yanxi will wake up and Yanxi will forgive me. This certainty stems from my belief that the left hand will always be forgiven for the right hand that was cut off due to a moment of righteous indignation.This is human nature. Although Yan Xi hates this nature, I rely on his nature in this life. In my spare time, what I have pictured thousands of times in my mind is not the change of Yan Xi's appearance, but the rumored stranger who can't be ignored——Wen Heng. I regard Wen Heng as Yanxi's betrayal of me, but when she really disappeared from the compound, when I watched Yanxi stare blankly and silently in the studio countless times, I realized that maybe, everything was in my absence. There was too big and too profound a subversion at that time. I hated, mocked, and then threw Yanxi a Chen Wan, a boy who was 80% like the woman in the photo.When Yanxi saw him at Cutting Diamond, she didn't blink from the beginning to the end. I want him to be gentle and considerate, I want him to know how to cook ribs, I want him to learn to be single-minded to Yan Xi, and I want him to be the ultimate in Wen Heng. However, he failed. I still remember that day, when it was raining, Chen Wan walked into my office covered in rain.He grabbed my sleeve, looked at me sadly, and said, "You lost, Lu Liu." I lost?How can I lose?Stupid love is not the only criterion, the so-called only one is Wen Heng, not me.I am not defeated, I will not be defeated. When I was in college, I once did a logic analysis problem. Europeans appreciate Chinese music very much, it is a treasure in Chinese classical music.So, how does William, who is a European, feel about it? The answer is love.Because it's not that you don't appreciate it, you have to love it. To William, like Yanxi to Lu Liu.It is precisely because there is no choice that the love is so strong. But Lu Liu will never be able to love Yan Xi.His love, his forbearance, and his inability to vent his emotions were all aimed at Wen Heng. If it is possible, if wanting to kill a person means breaking a love, then Wen Heng must have died and resurrected thousands of times in Yan Xi's heart. Wen Heng is like a drug, which cannot be quit, cannot be discarded, and cannot be ignored. Even if it is weak, even if it is hidden, even if it has nowhere to live, I can't cut off this existence, let alone Yanxi, who has self-control since childhood. I once saw Yan Xi and Wen Heng wandering on the road, they were so close, but they didn't hold each other's hands.After a long time, in the setting sun, Yan Xi lowered her head.The posture of his hand is very strange, it is far away from Wen Heng, but it has been maintained so rigidly. I also lowered my head, but the moment I lowered my head, I staggered a bit and supported the tree trunk beside me. Yan Xi's stiff maintenance was originally just to hold the shadow of Wen Heng's hands.He refused to give in one step, suspicious and humble.This is not like me, but at such a moment, I was forced to stop, but I could only stop at a long distance from them. I watched them go away, sitting quietly under the tree.When the wind blows, I think of the time when I was still young, sitting quietly with him and counting the fallen leaves. I thought we were still me and him, but he didn't want us.We're just me. I'm the only one among us who keeps recalling the past like being bitten by a poisonous snake, accompanied by painful memories that I keep refusing to forget. At this moment, I realized that if friendship and family affection cannot contain all my feelings for him, then I will teach Lu Liu to be happy with all my feelings for him when I turn to love. It is also at this moment that we are far away from, no matter how we have been together day and night, no matter how much we have been looking forward to, such an eternal life. I love Yanxi, very much. When I was alone, I once listened to a tune that no one was humming.The vinyl record has been worn for too long, and the original writing can no longer be seen.I don't know its name, but I keep listening to it. Some people always boast about how nostalgic they are, how they refuse to throw away used ballpoint pens, refuse to replace the streets they have walked, and refuse to forget the first love they loved. This is the pride of fools like Wen Heng.However, only if I keep hypnotizing myself to forget, I must forget everything. Only when I forget thoroughly can I be reborn, only when I forget everything can I be confident, and if I forget carefully, I can get rid of the despicable me. Yanxi agrees with me, he is also forgetting.He tried to forget me, and I tried to forget him.He forgets faster, I forget slower.I have no choice but to force him to break up with Wen Heng. Only by seeing him every day and seeing his forgetting each other can I comfort my memory. I still cannot forget each other. When I heard that he had a car accident, I sat in the office all afternoon, but I didn't read a single word in the documents in hand. This fool, even his IQ is gradually converging with Wen Heng and his ilk. I took him back home when he wasn't dead.He started a hunger strike, started running away, and started protesting at me. I was thinking like this in my heart, you wait, Yan Xi, you bastard, you don't have to be so arrogant, you wait for the day when I forget you, you wait, wait until I don't like you anymore! I listened to vinyl records and gripped the armrests of the swivel chair I was sitting on. I firmly believe that such a day will come, until I am tired of seeing this person I have loved deeply. However, in the end, it still didn't arrive. Sun Peng made a break for me and him. He personally cut off the "left arm" and "right arm", until no one can hope to get forgiveness from the other party. However, I laughed deeply at Sun Gongzi's naivety. What's the use?Just as I still listen to my unknown vinyl records, this foolish me still loves someone I can't quite forget.No matter, past or present, no matter how much I want to forget. I can still hum that song in its entirety, so what if I don’t know it?