Chapter 15 15. The night is dark blue

"What?!" I instinctively buffer it with an exclamation point to buy my brain a little time to process the information.Teng Zhen asked me if I was gay. It is now 2003. If I remember correctly, Leslie Cheung committed suicide on April 1st. Later, he and Anita Mui and other deceased became widely remembered classics. They are magnificent, and there are huge commemorative ceremonies and sincere love on the Internet every year. The mourning made me wonder for a while, how could such a beloved person be willing to leave the star-studded Vanity Fair. After all, I'm not a senior fan of his, and I don't like to talk about his past, so I almost forgot. I heard that he once appeared in women's clothing at a concert, with high heels and long hair, which attracted a lot of scolding.I can't see what the Hong Kong media said. At least, my little brat was able to know his extraordinary appearance thousands of miles away, thanks to the entertainment section of the island city newspaper.

I only remember one comment on the entertainment version, which is offensive and disgusting. Later, I heard that he held his partner's hand and turned proudly to the paparazzi. It was many years after his death. Everyone sighed for his love and admired his courage. No one remembered the verbal criticism more than ten years ago. One sentence. During an avalanche, no snowflake is innocent. But none of them felt that they needed to be responsible for it. "Hey, are you okay, have you been hit by me?" "Ah?" When I came back to my senses, Teng Zhen was shaking his arms in front of me.

I remembered that when he said the word homosexual just now, he hesitated, but he didn't show any contempt or contempt, so he didn't take it seriously, and didn't bother to explain to a half-old child why he favored Zhang Xiaoman so much. "I said," I stared at his hand, "Isn't your right wrist broken?" Teng Zhen was immediately acupointed, blinked his eyes and put his arms behind his back vigilantly: "It's none of your business. Do you care about me?" "Just asking, I didn't intend to report you. Didn't I just want to do less homework and be lazy for a few days? No one is clean. Don't think that you are the only one who judges Zhang Xiaoman. Feng Shui takes turns."

As soon as I finished speaking, rumbling footsteps came from behind Teng Zhen, and three or four people rushed over, led by Lao He. "What's wrong?" "Are you okay?" Old He glanced at me, then turned to Teng Zhen, "The grandson chased you out just after you left the house. We thought about it for a while and felt something was wrong. Let's see if you are being targeted by a pervert." I was about to applaud, but then I thought about it, ten years later, this perverted accomplice would be Lao He, and I couldn't laugh anymore. "Why am I staring at her? Am I blind?" Facing Lao He and others in strange clothes, Teng Zhen rarely showed the alertness and panic that good students often have.

"What kind of tone are you talking about? You don't have to think that she is ugly—" The fat man next to Lao He named Da Hai pointed at Teng Zhen's nose and just said a few words before Lao He slapped his hand and hung his arms down. . "Don't fucking drink two cups of horse urine and you won't look good!" Old He scolded, and turned to me, "Are you all right? Then we'll go back." "It's all right," I waved my hand, "but tell old man Gao when you go back, don't think he can sell the price of draft beer by pouring bottled snowflakes into a cup, I can drink it as soon as I drink it. If you don't believe me, follow behind the bar , catch one and let him give you free orders!"

Dahai was stunned for a moment, then his blunt eyes suddenly lit up, and several people hooked their shoulders and were about to go back to settle accounts with old man Gao.Lao He was pulled away by them, turned around and gave me a strange look, and gave me a thumbs up. Teng Zhen looked at me weirder than Lao He. "What the hell, are you falling in love with me?" I glanced at him, and glanced at the ugly digital watch on my wrist that was used to cover the scars, "The remedial get out of class is about to end, bye." "Are you going to the make-up class where Zhang Xiaoman and the others are? Near the Medical University?"

Time was running out, so I ignored him, turned around and strode away. Wang Pingping's physical fitness is really poor. I felt it when I chased Mr. Liu upstairs yesterday. This time, I ran for less than 50 meters and was panting. That kind of panting seemed to be suffocating. I was breathing heavily, but I couldn't absorb any oxygen. Soon I felt my face was burning, and dense stars began to appear in front of my eyes. In a trance, I felt that someone supported me who was about to fall, and groped me!I wanted to open him with my hands, but there was no strength left. The last thought before I lost consciousness was that I was crushed in a car accident in my previous life, and Xiaolu was raped and killed in this life. I hope there will be no next life.

Puff, puff, puff, cool air rushed into my nasal cavity, my futile breathing was like a drowning person finally catching a piece of driftwood, and rushed out of the lake, embracing the fresh air in pain. I don't know how long it took to calm down. "Are you mentally handicapped? The spray is on the side of your schoolbag, won't you save yourself?" "What?" I sat on the ground, looked up in a daze, and finally managed to focus my eyes, and saw Teng Zhen leaning over and glaring at me.The orange street lamp was behind him, just like when we first saw him, casting the light favored by God.

I took the small spray bottle in his hand, "Salbutamol Sulfate Aerosol". "I have an aunt who also suffers from asthma. She is about as fat as you. She always carries Ventolin with her. The year before last, she felt that she was almost better. She had a fluke attack. She was not in a hurry to buy Ventolin. When she went to the vegetable market, she fell ill and died. gone." "Wang Pingping has asthma?" I muttered to myself. Teng Zhen almost laughed out loud: "Are you an ancient person? 'Mediocre but not talented, just puffy'? Come, let me teach you, when modern people call themselves, just say 'I'."

All the goodwill that had just surged up towards him was gone.I saved the strength to roll my eyes, and tried to stand up: "Please do me a favor, can you help 'me' back to the make-up class? It's too late." Along the way, Teng Zhen helped me, talking as much as a stand-up comedian. Unless there is a genetic mutation, it is absolutely impossible for him to grow into his thirty-year-old appearance. I am afraid that he is the same as Wang Pingping. was replaced. "Who the hell are you?" Turning a corner, you can see the small building of the make-up class, 9:59.

"Did the lack of oxygen suffocate your brain? Or did I have physical contact with you and made you go crazy with joy?" Teng Zhen choked on me sharply, and squeezed the hand holding my arm viciously, "I played For the piano, your hands are too big, I can’t even grasp your arms, Wang Pingping, how much weight do you have?” Once upon a time, I was fascinated and lost by Teng Zhen's neither far nor near, neither hot nor cold attitude. I felt that I missed his defenseless youth, and I dreamed of knowing what he looked like when he was a boy. now I know.No matter how charming a man is, he is an uncivilized monkey when he is a teenager. The soul of Teng Zhen, the bright and silent young man in my heart, where did you go? Did you just give up your body to Ma Sanli? We arrived neither early nor late, and although Wang Pingping's parents could be seen from a distance, the students filed out when the make-up class was over, and the small road was buzzing with people.I got rid of Teng Zhen, found the right opportunity to blend into the crowd, and appeared in front of Wang Pingping's parents who were looking anxiously. On the way, I mentioned that I almost fell ill again between classes and ran out to use Ventolin. Wang Pingping’s mother’s face immediately turned pale, and she rubbed my face again with her signature kneading hand.Wang Pingping's father commented angrily, "I just said that the medicine cannot be stopped. If the hormone is useless, can the doctor continue to prescribe it?"How old is the girl, she wants to lose weight if she thinks about it!Smug!Is life more important than beauty? ! Did Wang Pingping gain weight because of the steroid drugs used to treat asthma?Or is it that you are already fat, and you will become fatter after taking hormones?I was lost in thought. The chubby flesh is quite tactile, the skin on Wang Pingping's body is really smooth, why is his face a bit rough?While pinching my arm, I told myself that this meat belonged to Wang Pingping, not mine, not mine, not mine. "It's all right, she finally let go of those things, and you still stimulate her!" Finally, Wang Pingping's mother persuaded her father with one sentence, which can be regarded as stopping the whining and cursing all the way. The next morning, as soon as I walked to the school gate, I ran into Teng Zhen.He wore a red cuff on his left arm, and his right arm was hung in front of his chest by a bandage. He leaned lazily in front of the iron gate to check the appearance of the incoming students. When he saw me, he smiled sinisterly. "You, stop," he said seriously, "Which class are you from?" I gave him a blank look. "You always target such a fat and ugly school girl like Wang Pingping. What's the point? People say that boys tease girls because they like it. You don't like Wang Pingping, do you?" Teng Zhen: "Is your modernization process a bit slow? What did I teach you yesterday?" The devil has to admit that this fat man is me! While Teng Zhen stuck me and refused to let me go, he was still distracted and nodded to his acquainted classmates to say good morning and let them in.I turned my head and found that Zhang Xiaoman was also coming, waving at her enthusiastically. Teng Zhen looked at me strangely again. "Wang Pingping, before you ask me, do you want to answer me first, why did you jump on me and bite me when you first saw me? You still vaguely deceive me about this. The doctor said that the injury on my leg lasted a year. It can't fade, and it will definitely leave a scar in the future, it's a pity, I have such a healthy leg." I was drinking a bag of breakfast milk when I heard the last sentence and sprayed him all over. "Is that so?" Before Teng Zhen got angry, I glanced at his arm coldly, "then you have to be more careful about your toned right arm." Teng Zhen immediately coughed and said, "Female students, please pay attention to your appearance. Next time you are so fat, I will deduct points from your class." Zhang Xiaoman happened to be approaching, and I pulled her over: "Squad leader, it's hard for me to be on duty, please tell me quickly." Zhang Xiaoman was stunned, and lowered his eyes slightly when facing Teng Zhen, the thick eyelashes cast light shadows on his eyes, and the pink and blue shirt reflected the pink and tender cheeks, which made me really want to kiss him. Teng Zhen, are you blind?Such a pretty girl, look at her!Look it up! "Let's go, let's go, let's go!" Teng Zhen moved away from the passageway, with a helpless expression on his face. I could feel that Zhang Xiaoman slightly wanted to break free from my arm holding her, and in the end she cleverly freed her from my hand by pretending to look for the fruit in the rice pocket. I know I'm being reckless.Although I don't have much impression of myself in high school, I am not a person who can be easily trusted as an adult.It was just a chat with her on the rooftop yesterday. My concerns are naturally from the bottom of my heart. To her, I am afraid they are all beautiful words. Just walked to the back door of the class, Jiang He saw Zhang Xiaoman, his expression was a little guilty, his face turned pale when his eyes drifted to me: "Xiaoman, you don't think she stinks..." I saved ten yuan of pocket money every day, and after a month, it would be enough to hire two hooligans on the street with sacks over their heads to ruthlessly discount Jiang He's dog legs. Zhang Xiaoman ignored him, Jiang He was a little embarrassed.She and I went around the back door to the front door and stopped at the door: "How are you getting ready?" "what to prepare?" "Monthly exam, I'm taking the exam in our class, which exam room have you been assigned to?" Just when the head teacher came over, Zhang Xiaoman greeted her obediently: "Good morning, teacher. You haven't arranged an examination room for Wang Pingping yet." The homeroom teacher was busy talking to other teachers, and turned to look at me: "You missed the class for almost a month, why don't you take the exam and make up for it, next time." "It's nothing, why don't you give me a set of papers and let me do it." I said. Zhang Xiaoman was looking at me with a smile, and gently squeezed my hand to show his congratulations. He was stunned when he heard what I said, but for a short moment, she smiled even more happily: "You are so handsome, We can't even hide." The head teacher pursed his lips and smiled: "Pingping's high school entrance examination has exceeded the experimental score line, it should be, you can sit in our office for the exam in a while, on the fourth floor." I took the test for two reasons. The first is because it's fun. Although I have forgotten my high school knowledge and returned to my grandma's house, I can hardly do many problems in physical chemistry. The multiple-choice questions basically rely on Mongolian, and the ancient poems rely on memorization and pure nonsense... But it is rare to have such a realistic exam that does not require anxiety about grades and rankings, and my heart is full of youthful joy. The second reason is...hehe. The exam went smoothly. It was as fun as visiting a museum. Seeing the familiar questions I knew how to do, I felt the joy of meeting old friends.It's a pity that I still failed several tests in listening comprehension—I don't understand, I can keep up with the BBC, why is there no place in the whole country where the sound quality of high school English listening is clear?A man and a woman were imprisoned in Sima Guang's vat to talk, accompanied by the interference of strong radio waves. After a full day of exams, I am quite happy. The second day of the monthly exam is Sunday. After the alarm clock rings at 6 o'clock in the morning, you can press it off and curl up in the bed again. At that moment, you feel extremely relieved and confused, and gold is not exchanged.If I were to rank the unbearable things in 2003, the top three would be: no smartphone, no alcohol, and getting up early. It actually came out on Monday.I heard from the party secretary that No. 1 Middle School has worked hard to catch up with the Experimental Middle School in the past few years, so it overweights the students very heavily. The academic director believes that the students are only concerned about the two or three days before the end of the exam and the results. Relaxing or inquiring about scores, I have no intention of learning new knowledge at all, wasting precious time, so all teachers are ordered to work overtime to approve papers at night after the exam. Early self-study began, and the representatives of the subjects carried the papers of one subject after another, turned around in the class, and handed them condescendingly to every student who raised his head reverently.Those anxious faces, the secret joy or despair in the eyes after seeing the scores, are so distant but kind to me at the age of thirty.I couldn't sit still anymore, I was eagerly looking forward to my own paper, even if I scored 0, it would be wonderful. Zhang Xiaoman's Chinese was sent out first, and the class representative gave her a doggy smile and said that you are the highest in the class again.Zhang Xiaoman blushed, and muttered, "There is nothing to be happy about if you are good at Chinese, you are really smart if you are good at science." The class representative looked at me again, with a complicated expression: "Wang Pingping, the Chinese teacher asked you to go to the office after class, and your composition is seriously off topic." Composition is a typical essay writing for the material. The author of the question made up a desperate news, let us discuss "Is it a good quality to be promoted in the new era?" The first sentence I wrote at the beginning of the article was: "Being brave is a kind of behavior, not a quality. Bravery and a sense of justice are what it is. How come the Chinese question is a wrong sentence? And what is there to discuss about this kind of question? The materials given are obviously one-sided. Well." It's no wonder the Chinese teachers didn't judge me for digressing. I smiled and nodded: "Yeah, blame me, blame me." Zhang Xiaoman maintained a calm face until all the papers were handed out, she was still the same as the entrance examination, she was the first in the class, nearly 200 points higher than my total score. She finally relaxes.I showed very sincere envy, Zhang Xiaoman looked at it for a long time, and suddenly smiled. That smile is more cordial than when he hugged me on the rooftop.At best, the rooftop is a temporary emotion, and the tide will ebb after calm down; but at this moment, Zhang Xiaoman is really relieved of me. This is the second reason why I took the monthly exam. I can't forget that time on the sidelines, Zhang Xiaoman cautiously tested Wang Pingping.A girl who has the ability to be admitted to the experimental middle school, but has been careless like a heartless, is she pretending?She said that she only remembered copper sulfate in chemistry, who was she fooled by! ——Zhang Xiaoman will definitely speculate on Wang Pingping like this, for sure. I was unattractive and fat, so I took my shit out of my body first, and then got terrible grades in the exam. For Zhang Xiaoman, Wang Pingping has finally become a loyal and mediocre person she can associate with with peace of mind. Good friends now. The thirty-year-old me can't handle the seventeen-year-old me. Wouldn't the ten years in between be wasted. Chinese teacher Xiao Liu was not as angry as I imagined.After the last classroom quarrel, she already knew that I was a strange student with adult habits. This time, she was a little helpless and kind to me. She held up the paper and asked me, next time, can I stop being provocative on purpose? "This topic is indeed very mentally retarded, but there are not many high school composition topics that are not mentally retarded. They are all in the circle of greatness, glory and correctness. It is impossible to give you a truly controversial topic for you to write. , the students don’t know how to write, and the teachers don’t know how to judge, so Wang Pingping, don’t raise your eyebrows anymore. You can write 40 points out of 60 points, right? If you put together 800 words, I’m begging you, teacher. ,OK?" A weekend passed, and Xiao Liu was a different person, her shirt sleeves were loosely rolled up, and the hem of her A-line skirt fluttered with her movements. "Ms. Liu, don't worry, next time I will definitely write you a very stupid composition with perfect marks. Just look at it!" Xiao Liu glared at me and threw me out of the office. As soon as I walked out the door, I almost ran head-on with someone. Liang Shengmei's incident left me with a deep sense of guilt. Even if I encounter any emergencies when I grow up, other girls will instinctively scream, and I will just stand still. A handsome and pale male teacher, about 1.75 meters tall, bookish and thin, was almost turned over by me, and managed to stabilize his figure. "Teacher, I'm sorry." I lowered my eyes and apologized. There was no response from the other side.I looked up, and the male teacher was looking at me intently. "Pingping, are you okay?" The big office was facing the stairs, Zhang Xiaoman was walking upstairs with a stack of student status cards, just in time to see us.The male teacher hurried past me and disappeared through the door. I turned around and looked at the door in doubt, Zhang Xiaoman asked, "Do you know Mr. Song Heci?" "Who is it?" Zhang Xiaoman shrugged: "The teacher in the language group, who teaches the second year of high school, seems to be very popular. Haven't you been to the make-up class opposite the Red Scarf Primary School in junior high school?" "what?" Zhang Xiaoman was not impatient, and explained: "The legendary betting class, before the high school entrance examination, many people couldn't get in because of the money. They were all given by the city's teaching and research staff. Some people said that they might miss the questions, so they had to go if they squeezed their heads. Listen to the lectures, even if you can’t listen to the teaching and research staff’s lectures, it’s good to listen to other people’s lectures. I didn’t get into the quiz class at the time, so I went to the ordinary class. The language is taught by Song Heci. There are more than 200 people in a class, and it’s very profitable. " Zhang Xiaoman is completely at ease with me now, and he speaks a lot more casually. The last four words already have the embryonic form of me who is thirty years old. Very good, I feel more cordial in my heart. "Why do high school teachers teach junior high school make-up classes?" "A lot of high school teachers earn extra money from making up classes..." She heard the preparatory bell, and suddenly became anxious, "Let's go, go back to class!" Zhang Xiaoman pulled me and ran, almost dragging me over. We stepped on the class bell and ran into the classroom, and I realized what was going on.This class was taught by a foreign teacher, and our class was used as a trial lecture. The back row was full of teachers from the English teaching and research group, and there were two or three students in high school uniforms. Teng Zhen, who had a "broken" right arm, was among them. This little bastard is pretty good at school. Zhang Xiaoman pretended not to look at the back row, and hastily pulled me back to my seat. The foreign teacher is a middle-aged woman with fair skin, nonsense, she is white; she has short flaxen hair, a little fat, and her figure is about the same as Wang Pingping, wearing a strict skirt in the autumn tiger weather, not like a foreign teacher, but like a teacher director. In my era, there was still a fever of going abroad. Various English training institutions made money in the name of foreign teachers, and the foreign teachers in the rampant island city were all foreign bastards who came to China to cheat money in T-shirts and shorts. The country can't survive, so I go to the mainland of China to play. I don't need to know anything. I can make money by speaking English. There is no teaching plan. It is just a humanoid dialogue machine. I sit on the podium and dangle two long Legs, ask you how are you doing, and the students rack their brains to ask some stupid questions like "What do you like about China" and "Do you like dumplings and the Great Wall". Beer is cheap and girls are innocent, socialism is heaven. And when the dean in front of me spoke, I was even more surprised—English with a German accent!Isn't this going to take the students into the ditch? Sure enough, she introduced herself as Lisa. I rested my chin and listened to Lisa's words. Zhang Xiaoman frowned, obviously affected by the accent, and it was a bit difficult to listen.But in all fairness, Lisa spoke well. She began to introduce some customs and customs in Germany, and prepared reading materials and photo albums for everyone. The new words in the reading materials were explained in English-English translation, and she also concluded Let everyone learn six roots and six affixes. It's really not bad, I have carefully prepared lessons at first glance, and I am not here to cheat money. But the quiet atmosphere in the class was gradually broken by the whispers of the students. The secretary's glasses female deskmate impatiently flipped through the math exercise book, and Zhang Xiaoman also lowered her head and flipped through the physics exercise book under the desk. Key high schools can't wait to replace physical education, art and music classes with mathematics, physics and chemistry. Senior foreign teachers are often used to this situation and feel relaxed. Lisa's behavior surprised me. "You!" She pointed at the girl with glasses, rushed down from the podium like a whirlwind, picked up her exercise book, and said in blunt Chinese, please go out. The woman with glasses blushed, held back for a long time and said Sorry, and sat back in her seat.Zhang Xiaoman hurriedly stuffed the exercise book back into the desk. At the end of a class, Lisa left. The teacher of the English teaching and research group stood in front of the podium and asked the students how they felt. The girl with glasses immediately shouted: "I don't understand what you are talking about!" The sound of echoes is endless.Teng Zhen leaned against the front door, looked around the class with a smile, and suddenly pointed at me and asked, "Wang Pingping, do you understand?" Everyone looked at me, and I was so angry that I couldn't understand the words "I don't understand". "I think she speaks well," I said. I don't know why, but I have a very good impression of this female foreign teacher, although I don't remember ever taking her class in high school. I am lazy, but I have always preferred serious people, such as Lao He.What impresses me the most in the world is not the squandering of geniuses, but the diligence of ordinary people who know they are hopeless but resolutely choose.I thought of the brown mid-heels that were a little peeling on the heels of Lisa's feet when she left just now. She must be serious about getting the job. Teng Zhen raised his eyebrows even higher, making himself into a dead fish eye: "Do you understand you?" I became impatient, and directly replied a long paragraph in English to choke him. After speaking, I woke up, swallowed, and did not continue to speak—everything else was full of curse words. The whole class is quiet. How could the English teaching level of Daocheng High School in 2003 be compared to that of an adult like me who had worked with foreigners? Zhang Xiaoman looked at me with strange eyes. It's over.Play off again. Teng Zhen suddenly smiled very happily, turned to the leader of the teaching and research group, and said, "I think Wang Pingping is right. Lisa is very good. She doesn't fool people. You can learn real things from her. Besides, female teachers should always be safe." A lot of." I understand this sentence.Wang Pingping's father said that last year there was an incident in Experimental Middle School where female students were taken out to drink by male foreign teachers. gloat. A group of leaders filed out.Before Teng Zhen left, he winked at me, but I gave him a big supercilious look. Zhang Xiaoman took out the physics exercises from the hole in the table and started doing them quietly. I feel uneasy.Although Wang Pingping’s image is not threatening at all, for the girl who has a crush on it, any female who is treated differently by the boy she likes—even a female donkey—is dazzling, not to mention that I am cold-eyed to Teng Zhen, but I am so cold-hearted. She looks very familiar, she really looks like a man whore. "Xiao Man..." "Your English is very good, and your conversation is much more detached than ours. Pingping, are your parents university professors?" Zhang Xiaoman's tone was normal, with a kind of envious temptation, rather than self-closing.I know myself very well, Zhang Xiaoman is not angry with me. I squeezed Wang Pingping's fleshy arm, and felt that I really took myself too seriously, so I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief. University professor?What did Wang Pingping's father teach?Indigenous steelmaking? I shook my head: "Worker, my mother is away from work most of the time, busy cooking for me and my brother." Zhang Xiaoman smiled: "I wish my mother could cook me a meal. She is very busy with work, and it is difficult for me to see her." I sighed in my heart and nodded. In the evening, I ran to find Lao He as usual. They were arguing with members of another gang on the mic in the Internet cafe. When they saw me, they waved enthusiastically.We went to old man Gao's shop again. When old man Gao saw me flinching, he took out three bottles of beer and said they were for me. While drinking high, Teng Zhen opened the door again and came in, saying hello to old man Gao: "Uncle Gao!" Then turn to me. "Aunt Gao's make-up class was investigated. In order to avoid people from business and industry, she left school an hour early." My head buzzed. "Everyone was notified last week." Teng Zhen said. When I ran to the intersection of the supplementary class, it was five minutes to ten o'clock, and the lights in the small building were all dark.Wang Pingping's parents must have come to pick up the children in advance. Originally, I could take advantage of the crowds when the make-up get out of class was over, but now it was as obvious as a lice on a bald man's head. I saw them standing at the door from a distance, my father was like a stone, and my mother moved around anxiously. When she saw me walking from the small path, Wang Pingping's mother was so excited that she cried and took half a step to meet me and hug me. Dad quickly grabbed the arm with his eyesight.The woman flinched, took two steps back, and stood behind her husband. Quick, Zhang Xiaoman, use your brain to think of an excuse for high school students to skip class!you can! "I went for a walk to the side..." "Go home." Wang Pingping's father has obvious horizontal flesh on both sides of his nose, which can be seen beating under dim street lights. When I got home, Wang Pingping’s mother took out the key to open the door. Father Wang motioned for me to go in. Mother Wang hurriedly followed me, trying to separate the distance between me and her husband. She was pushed by a mighty and majestic man, and she sat down in the corridor. by the wall. I was the first to enter the door. As soon as I heard the safety door close behind me, I felt a sharp palm wind. After 0.5 seconds, I was stunned by a hammer on the back of my head. There was a shining gold star in front of my eyes. He staggered a few steps forward and fell to his knees. "Hit me to death! Don't hit the child!" Wang Pingping's mother howled terribly, and threw herself on me from behind, wrapping her arms tightly around me, resisting the stormy blows behind her.Even though I was protected like this, my exposed arms and calves were still firmly hit by the belt a few times. At first, there were many white marks, which gradually turned red, and dense blood spots ooze out of the skin. It's not that I don't resist.I could hear Wang Pingping's father yelling violently, but my blood was rushing to my face, it was scalding hot, my ears were neighing from the first slap, it was like my soul was being boiled, and my brain was boiling . I am like a person who has been suppressed by heavy artillery fire in a ditch, curled up and unable to lift his head, with blood flowing through his temples. At the moment of life and death, he suddenly feels that the world is just a rain outside the glass window, and it can no longer drench you. Why. Why am I so unlucky, with such a body, such a family, penniless, without self-respect, being beaten by a middle-aged man who is actually only ten years older than me. Like an isolated island drifting in the sea of ​​time, only looking forward to sinking. Amidst the sharp tinnitus, I pushed away the middle-aged woman who was protecting me, and walked towards the belt, feeling no pain at all. The living room is only six or seven meters deep, and it only takes two seconds to run around. Is your belt as fast as my fist? The huge body crashed down. "It's over, it's over, I can't live this day..." Following Wang Pingping's mother's rambling emotion, blood flowed from Wang Pingping's father's fingers covering his nose.He stared at me and suddenly got up. Another slap hit, and my world went completely black. I stayed at home for a week, and Wang Pingping's mother called the school and asked for leave for me. Although there is no visible injury on the face, the belt around the collarbone (it takes a bit of talent to find Wang Pingping's collarbone) was pulled by the belt, and even the side of the neck was red.The arms can be covered with a long-sleeved jacket, but in the tiger weather in September, wearing a turtleneck sweater is a bit too exaggerated. Wang Pingping's father yelled, she is not afraid of being ashamed of what kind of injury she is recovering from, so why should we be ashamed of her? — After all, in the end, he still acquiesced in his wife's request for leave. I stayed in the room and read the junior high school textbooks with relish. The progress was very fast, and I was close to picking up all the scientific and cultural knowledge of my childhood. I don't know how recently, I have completely reached a state of perfection where there is nothing, no self, no Wang Pingping, no Zhang Xiaoman. The next morning, Wang Pingping's brother returned home after working the night shift, and slept with his head covered for ten hours, only waking up in the evening.It's hard to imagine that this pale boy who looks as thin as a chicken is actually four years older than me and has been working for a year. Mama Wang went shopping, and there were only two of us at home.He was taken aback when he saw my ghostly appearance, and soon got used to it. "Stubborn again. I told you not to make you and our dad stubborn. If you don't listen, you'll get beaten up." "He used to beat children a lot?" Brother Cheap had already turned around to pick up the boiling water, nodded subconsciously, and suddenly turned to look at me in surprise, and was scalded by the steam as expected. "Brother," it was much easier for me to pronounce this word than to call my parents, "I want to say that I can't even remember your name, do you believe it?" "Just like..." I searched for movies and TV shows related to amnesia in my mind, "Just like in it, Chow Yun-fat got hit on the head, lost his memory, didn't even know he was the king of gambling, and was picked up by Andy Lau. Understand?" Brother Cheap immediately put down the thermos and cups, and came over with concern: "The doctor said that there will be some sequelae, do you have a headache? I really don't remember? How did this happen? I will tell my mother in a while, take you to the hospital and have a look." !" If you can remember everything after reading it, then it's not bad, the ghost wants to be Wang Pingping from the inside out. Brother Cheap thought about it in circles, and pointed at himself without thinking: "I am your brother, and my name is Wang Haifeng. Our father is Wang Shugang, and our mother is Jiang Hongmei." I don't care!It doesn't matter at all, okay? I kind of want to laugh, this embarrassed big boy has a weird sense of humor, he just doesn't realize it. Wang Haifeng moved a chair and sat in front of me, smoothed his trousers with his hands, and asked me again: "Pingping, do you want me to tell you?" Idle is also idle, I nodded. "My father and mother both work in the railway bureau. You were born in 1987, and I am five years older than you. You are a rabbit, and I am..." I couldn't bear to interrupt: "These are not important. You just say, why did I commit suicide?" Wang Haifeng immediately became nervous, pushed his glasses, and finally said: "If you forget it, forget it, isn't it good?" At this time, Ms. Jiang Hongmei—thank God I no longer have to call her Wang Pingping’s mother in my heart—opened the door and came back.Wang Haifeng said softly to me, don't tell my parents, let them worry, and observe for two days. Later, Wang Haifeng chatted with me when he found time, and what he said was fragmented.I also understand that who would have thought that one day I would need to recite the family tree to my younger sister, not to mention that "Wang Pingping" said that he had forgotten everything. After more than ten years of life, Wang Haifeng has to carefully select which things really need to be remembered. It's on. Sure enough, on the third day, he said, I’ll sort out my thoughts, or I’ll write to you when I’m on the night shift. On the third day of squatting at home, Zhang Xiaoman also called me. Wang Shu just answered, with a friendly attitude, and gave me a hard look when he handed the phone to me. Zhang Xiaoman asked in the first sentence: "Do you have an extension at home? Is it okay for us to talk?" "No. Tell me." "Are you okay? You haven't come to class for three days, are you sick or..." My heart warmed up: "Oh, don't worry, I have a cold." Zhang Xiaoman explained to me that she had forgotten about leaving school early, and she didn't know if I had a mobile phone or what the number was, and there was no way to notify me, so I'm really sorry.How could I blame her? I think it's justifiable for her to kill me. "I wanted to call you the day before yesterday. I was afraid that you would be in danger, but the teacher said that your parents asked for leave and that you were sick, so I thought it was okay. Today... you are fine anyway. I am so worried. I am so sick Seriously, when will you come to school?" I made an appointment to go to school next Monday.Wang Shugang kept walking back and forth, seeing me upset, chatted for a few words and then hung up the phone. When I woke up, it was past three o'clock in the middle of the night, at least that's what the deformed electronic watch showed.I was very thirsty, but my whole body ached when I moved a little bit, and I was powerless to pull myself out of the bed. I just stared at the ceiling, simply thinking about whether to get up and drink water or endure it and continue to sleep. I looked at my watch again, three It's fifty o'clock. Still drink water. I sat on the edge of the bed with a glass of water in my hand, keeping my body straight, and trying not to shake my waist and legs to reduce the pain. Although my mother often beat me in public when I was a child, the humiliation far outweighs the punishment for how strong a woman can be.拜王平平她爹所赐，我终于知道人挨揍之后的疼法和小学运动会跑完4X100米接力第二天的感受竟然一模一样，除了手臂上皮带擦过的部分还有些火辣辣。伤口摸上去粘粘的，我猜是王平平她妈给擦了药。 我坐在黑暗中慢慢地喝水。我猜王平平家的暖瓶已经好久没有除过水锈了，白开水有股说不出来的味道——品鉴各种矿泉水和sparkling water这种技能还是被德国老婆赶回岛城的高老头教我的，难以想象这个人2003年还在用雪花兑水冒充扎啤。 水含在嘴里不着急咽，感觉它慢慢地、慢慢地顺着喉咙渗进身体里，可以在闭嘴不讲话的时候有效抑制口干和口臭，这个则是我瘫痪在床多年的奶奶教会我的。虽然人年纪大了再这么做，很容易呛水，继而被久病床前的孝子们责备，但我奶奶屡教不改，小学的时候我问她为什么，她勉为其难地把那口珍贵的水咽了下去，告诉我，这样可以打发时间。 她瘫在床上很多年了，勉强下地走路也只能扶着墙走三米，熟悉了六十年的身体已经不听话了，子女觉得让她吃饱穿暖不拉在裤子里已经是大仁大孝，谁会在乎一个不识字又眼花耳背的老太太每天会不会寂寞无聊。 世界上谁活着不是寂寞无聊呢，父母子女一场，谁顾得上谁啊，怀念珍惜是人死了以后的事儿。 我奶奶自己开发了这种游戏。她没骗我，这样的确很好玩，她瘫了近十年，而我距离可以玩《纪念碑谷》的iPhone，也隔了十年。现在我教王平平的身体继承了这个游戏。 含着水，感觉它一点一点地渗进我的身体里，正如我自己一点一点消失在深蓝色的夜里。 很多人认为夜晚是黑色的，其实窗外熹微的灯光会稀释掉黑暗，将它变成浓重的深蓝色。这话是Mark说的。 Mark是很帅的混血儿，邻校大一哲学系的男生，从小读香港的国际学校，明明可以去国外读书，居然苦哈哈通过港澳生的高考来了内地读哲学系。邻校是理工科见长，哲学系建系才七八年，老师自己都不知道应该教点什么好，看到他的论文都是拿英文写的，统统给85分以上，第一年GPA直逼4.0。 我觉得他根本就是通过念大学来内地旅游的。 Mark和我熟识是因为邻校湖边的一块地终于拆迁了，要盖小洋房，大四的我听说近期要抽签摇号交定金，就跑去看环境——看了也白看，我手里钱不够的。伴着咔嚓咔嚓的快门声，我看到了Mark，白T黑裤，裤脚稍微绾起来，球鞋一看就很贵。 他朝我笑笑，指着最后一批即将被推倒的老平房，抗强拆的条幅还没扯下来，最前面的一座已经被砸掉了三面墙，只剩下正门伫立在风中，像一堵可笑的牌楼。 “Look，这边是这样，那边是Skyscrapers！” 他给我看他找角度拍的照片，透过“牌楼”敞开的破旧木门，框处一片蓝天和遥远的摩天大厦。 Skyscraper，摩天大楼，我终于想起来了——你看，学英语就是得寓教于乐。 在我毕业前，分手像一个大家心知肚明也并不惧怕的结局，一眼能够望穿。Mark突然说要和我玩一个游戏，希望我能空出一个星期的时间，去他在校外租住的留学生公寓。 “我们来扮盲人。”他说。 游戏的内容是，我们把眼睛用不透光的布蒙上，除了洗澡以外，发生任何事都不可以摘下。一个星期的时间，用摸索的方式学习吃饭、上学、接发邮件、活下去。 “目的是？”我问。 Mark依然用非常“老外”的中文解释道：“消灭ego。” 我们生来能看得见，各人秉持各人的天赋，各人心存各人的偏见，现在让我们蒙上双眼，摒弃傲慢的同情心，去看盲人的世界。 我鼓掌，说，好棒。我不玩。 Mark有些失落，说小漫我以为你会想要trydifferent。我说你different不了，甭来这套，我要你诚实地回答我，如果这一个星期里，你家突然失火了，为了逃生，你会不会把遮光布取下来？ 他愣住了，很认真地设想了一下，诚实地点点头。 我说所以不要自欺欺人了。扮盲人对你来说是一种思维体操，很好玩，听上去又很哲学，你预期这一个星期过去你会学到很多。但实际上，你体会不到盲人的心情。 因为你知道，只要愿意，你随时可以重见光明。 我和Mark的姐弟恋非常轻松，因为文化的隔膜，对彼此始终停留在好感的阶段，即使分开了，留下的也都是好印象。我毕业典礼的时候Mark出现了，大大地给我赚了一把面子，我的女同学们在那一个小时的时间里，和我说的话比过去四年加起来都多，目的只有一个，想穿着学士服跟Mark合张影。 我猜她们一定还留着那张照片，说不定还在致青春的夜晚配上语焉不详的解说词发在朋友圈里炫耀。 Mark和我说的最后一句话是，他知道有些觉悟必须经历巨大的痛苦，但他更知道现在的自己并不希望真的被痛苦锻造，没有退路才会前进，可他总忍不住给自己留一条退路。他还有long way to go。 我没问这位奇男子走那么远到底想去哪儿。 现在我坐在这里，嘴里含着一口水，心中没有被陌生男子教训毒打的愤恨，居然升腾起一种盛大的平静。 我懂得了我奶奶。我懂得了盲人。 我甚至懂得了那个孤零零站在废墟中，透过门就能遥望摩天大厦的牌楼。 张小漫告诉王平平，补课班提前下课的事情，是我忘了告诉你。 我听到王平平说，张小漫，我不相信你。