Chapter 3 third chapter

The first volume ends here abruptly, running out of pages. I gasped.While reading, I didn't even feel like I was breathing once.I feel confused, overwhelmed, and pointlessly eyeing the covers of my notebooks. What exactly is this?From the degree of yellowing of the paper to the term "schizophrenia", it can be seen that the history is quite long. If you just look at the author's obsession with dolls, you will think that the author is a woman, but the mother in the article seems to be very strange about this, so it can also be regarded as the meaning of "he is obviously a boy, but he plays with dolls".

Was it written by the father?Could it be a draft of a novel? Until the freight company he worked for went bankrupt the year before last, my father had been working as an accountant, and I had never seen him read a novel. The best evidence is the bookshelves in this room.Except for the enlightenment books on children's human rights, almost all of them are books on finance or taxation. At most, there are only some articles on ancient history and frontier travel related to Yamatai and the mystery of Himiko. However, even so, it cannot be said that it is impossible.My father may have an unexpected hobby. Although he wrote this, he deliberately kept his family from seeing it because he was shy.

I tried to convince myself that, swallowing at the same time to suppress the rising anxiety. Suddenly, I realized that I had started to read the notebook with cover number two. Staring at the girl, I knew that my eyes became unnatural, as if I was going to eat someone.I didn't make a sound, I just called Xiaoman, Xiaoman in my heart, but of course the little girl and her brother couldn't detect it, so they just ran in front of me. In front of the road that circles the park, there is a corner with a vending machine, and I think the two kids might be going to buy drinks. However, in the end the two didn't go anywhere, so I don't know where they are going after all.

I got up reflexively and followed behind the two of them. But having said that, the little girl who was at the same age as Xiaoman or myself at that time, in the eyes of me in the third grade of middle school, how weak and weak. As soon as I started following, the little girl stopped immediately.For some reason, she tried to put on the white hat she had been holding in her hand. Then, as if waiting for this moment, a sudden gust of wind blew the hat away. The hat flew into the sky and fell into the ditch between the park and the road.The part of the gutter was covered with a red rust-colored iron plate, but unfortunately the hat seemed to have slipped under it.

The two children and the young man who happened to be sitting on the bench next to him, "Ah...!" cried out together. "Idiot, I don't care about you anymore, you will be scolded to death by your mother..." As the elder brother spoke, he stepped over the low fence and looked down into the ditch.Although it sounds ugly, if I can pick it up, I probably want to help my sister pick it up. The young man seemed to be distracted by the child, so I sat down on the vacant bench next to it. "Brother, can you pick it up?" My sister was about to cry. "Wow, it's so dirty, there's a lot of garbage. Ah... I saw it, I saw it, and I was hooked there."

The little boy put one hand under the iron plate and began to grope.Even though he gritted his teeth and stretched his entire arm in, he still couldn't reach the hat. At this time, the man who was watching stood up: "Get out of the way, little brother, let me take a look for you." The man asked the little boy to get out of the way, and looked in by himself, but he immediately said, "Ah...that's impossible. Even adults can't help it." At this time, the younger sister standing by the ditch began to cry loudly. The man looked embarrassed, and used his fingers to lift his shoulder-length unkempt hair.

He thought for a while, then bent down, grabbed the edge of the iron plate, "Yeah!" He lifted it up about ten centimeters in one go. Then he put down the iron plate and let out a deep breath. In my heart, a vague premonition that has not yet formed began to pervade.Compared with the little girl who looks like Xiaoman, the little boy is more attractive to me now. The dark old well in my heart opened its bottomless mouth eagerly looking forward to the little boy. "I'll lift the lid up, little brother, you have to pick it up quickly. Come on, go around there and get ready!"

The man stood in the ditch, and when he lifted the edge of the iron cover with both hands, the little boy who was waiting on his stomach immediately got his upper body into the open gap. "Big brother, it's just a little bit... woo... We'll be able to touch it a little bit more." From here I can see the man's back.The muscles on the back of his neck and shoulders were bulging and trembling. Although the exact weight is unknown, the iron cover is five to sixty centimeters wide and more than one meter long. "Little, little brother, hurry up... hurry up... one... o'clock..."

"Ah, I hit the edge, ah, almost got it." An indistinct moan came from the man's throat, and he was speechless. I got up from the bench, holding my breath, but walking with a natural pace. The slender neck of a little boy. I was almost suffocated by the rising anticipation. Around the dark cave, male eunuchs, electric wires, the sky, everything that came into view shrouded in brilliance and trembled.The creature named me awakened, trying to swallow this new reality in one gulp. "Woo, woo... oh!" The man moaned again, and I saw the little boy's legs pawing on the ground.I don't know whether it was because he finally grabbed the hat, or because he was afraid of the man's moans, but the little boy was struggling to get out of the gap.

The man supporting the cover must have seen it too. He probably thought that he just had to endure it a little longer, and he could feel that he was trying to squeeze out the last bit of strength. It's now…… I pretended that I couldn't bear to watch and wanted to help the man, and I grabbed the edge of the iron cover with both hands, and the lily heart filled my body.Drunkenness and sharp awakening indiscriminately dominated my consciousness.While I pretended to lift the lid hard, I actually pushed it down in reverse. In fact I was almost completely useless.The man's muscles, which had reached their limit, collapsed easily with just a slight pressure.

The sound of iron plates falling was heard.The little boy's legs bounced up unnaturally, convulsing... all of them collapsed within a second. The reverberation of the sound also stopped immediately, and a blank space appeared as if time stood still. The man was kneeling on the ground, and the little sister was standing. Both of them looked blank, staring blankly at the two legs that would never move on the asphalt road.The child's slender legs are wearing big sneakers that don't match. The crowd gradually gathered.After a while, I got up and left the scene. The man must have defended himself afterwards.He would say that he didn't make it to the end because someone passing by pressed the cover with malicious intent, so it wasn't his fault that the child died?Or, what happened at that moment, even he himself didn't know? Thinking this way, I walked across the park path to the vending machine, and in order to moisten my thirsty throat, I stuffed coins into the coin slot. I, who was standing by the window, squatted down weakly when I saw this place.I couldn't watch it any longer, a heavy vomit squirmed in my stomach, and I broke out in cold sweat. What the hell is this!Why does this house have such a thing? Calm down, calm down, even though I kept telling myself that, the anxiety was still building up.Half-seriously wondering if I was dreaming, I tried rubbing my face vigorously. Since it wasn't a dream, then it really was my father's creation.It must be that he wrote it for fun when he was young, so he just left it and forgot.It wasn't until he discovered by the way when he was sorting things out that he didn't think it was appropriate to throw them away, so he stuffed them into a cardboard box.This must be the case, otherwise, what other possibilities are there? It was impossible for that gentle mother to write such a thing.It is not natural to say that it is kept for others.Parents who do not interact with others on weekdays are unlikely to have close friends who can do this kind of thing. I have no reason to panic. I murmured like this again and again, trying to continue reading, but a chill slowly crept up from the bottom of my abdomen.Why is it so chaotic, even I find it puzzling. Why do I think this is my father's handwriting and a confession based on facts?Logically speaking, it should be regarded as a fictional story without saying a word, just read it casually.If it were a normal son, it would be impossible for him to have that kind of doubt about his father. I squatted still, waiting for the cold to pour out, and took two or three deep breaths. Questions that were not normal at all were circling in his mind. Did the childhood memory of my mother being bullied by others really happen? If it is true, where did the mother go before the bag was dropped? Who was this mother whom until recently I considered my mother? What does that lock of hair mean? I'm scared.I always feel that this notebook must be written about the mother at the beginning.The missing mother had actually been killed. Could it be that somewhere in this notebook there is a detailed record of why she was killed and how she was killed? Immediately putting the notebook back on the bottom of the carton, closing the sliding closet door, and pretending nothing happened is also an option.If things go well, they should gradually regard what they read just now as fantasy, and finally put it to the back of their minds. But that's impossible, I know it well, it's impossible for me not to read these.No matter how unfortunate and regretful you will become after reading it. After graduating from high school, I drifted into a two-year vocational school. I've learned a lot about the attitudes that make you seem out of place, the attitudes that make you think you're normal.Although it is still far from the point of actively socializing, at least it has been able to integrate into other people's lives. Among the students who are worrying about their future careers and longing for a sweet love, I have a strong sense of superiority and a sad envy for them who don't know the lily heart at all. Of course I already know that there is no such term as lily heart (Yurigokoro).A long time ago, when I was in the fifth or sixth grade of elementary school, I discovered it. Now that I think about it, when I was a child, the doctor probably said "depend on (Yoridokoro)".He probably said that the child lacked "feeling support" or "cognitive support" or "emotional support".He was always pushing up his glasses and whispering something, so my young ears probably didn't hear well.But having said that, this is really a ridiculous misunderstanding. However, so far this has not been a problem at all.Because the lily heart has long been in my body, and it has become a noun that belongs only to me, and it is firmly rooted.It can no longer be corrected, and nothing can be done. I use that term to express everything that is lacking in my daily life, everything that words cannot describe.What other word can be used to express the unimaginable phenomenon when someone's life disappears? Incidentally, I stopped going to that hospital when I was in the second grade of elementary school. At the last visit, the mother asked the doctor if the tumor in the back of the child's brain would shrink in size and disappear someday. "I can't predict. There's a lot that's still unclear because it's such a rare case. Honestly, I'm even tempted to dissect that tumor to see what's going on inside." That night, my mother told my father about it in tears. She couldn't seem to forgive the doctor's indiscretion for saying dissection to a living child, and never went to the hospital again. No matter what, I must avoid attracting attention. I always only thought about this, but I started talking to a female student by accident. At the supermarket near the school, I happened to meet her who was stealing things. Let's just call her Photon. At that time, I went to the back of the store to buy bottled beverages, but found that Photon was there, with a shopping basket full of goods hanging on his wrist, and grabbed a bag of snacks from the basket and stuffed it into the hem of his sweater. Photon is well-known in the school.Because she was as skinny as if recovering from a serious illness, and she was wearing heavy makeup that no one could help but look back at.She doesn't talk to anyone, she always walks by herself, and whether she walks or sits, her every move is unnatural as if she suffers from narrow vision. When she found me, she was not particularly panicked, and even smiled slightly. I laughed too, and pointed to the anti-theft mirror in the corner of the ceiling to show her.The position of the photon can obviously be seen clearly from the cash register. So she slowly pulled out the merchandise she wanted to hide just now, along with several other snacks, from the sweater, and put them on the basket full of food. "What do you want to buy? Drinks?" Her voice was unexpectedly clear, and she seemed to be able to speak normally. I nodded and took a PET bottle of drink from the shelf. "That's it? Let's go, I'll pay the bill together." Standing at the cash register was a young man who was listless enough to suspect that even if he found out that someone was stealing something, he might pretend not to know. I'm not interested in Mitsuko, but I've always felt something similar to myself in her.I think Mitsuko's mask-like face is the antithesis of my efforts to be inconspicuous. Is it because Mitsuko is being so intimate now because she feels something from me too?Thinking of this, I don't know why my heart beats faster. The eyes that looked down eagerly, as if being urged by someone, temporarily stopped here. I wondered whether "heartbeat" could be regarded as a signal that the author is a man in this situation. Or, if a person who has never had a decent relationship with others, even if the partner is of the same sex, he will be nervous and have a rapid heartbeat? Did the note writer deliberately make it impossible to judge gender?Or is it just how I feel when I read the notes? Although I was secretly anxious and had to look down quickly, I fell into a dazed state. I leaned on the window frame with my elbows, and my eyes drifted outside. The one who will die next is this girl named Mitsuko... From the window, I could see part of the road in front of the neighbor's house, and I noticed that someone was walking along the short road while putting away their umbrella. I bounced up, not sure, but it seemed to be my father. I had no time to think, so I hurriedly gathered up the scattered notebooks and put them into kraft paper bags.Put the paper bag back in the box, randomly stuff the handbags and old clothes with leftover hair into the box and pile them on top.Close the paper door of the closet, then close the sliding door of the study, and rush down the stairs in one breath. When they rushed to the front of the kitchen, the sound of keys clicking and turning could be heard from the entrance. "What's the matter, I feel strange. It turns out that the door was not locked from the beginning." Father said while opening the door, looking at me. "You're back. Anyway, no customer will bring a dog to the store in this weather. I have nothing to do, so come back and have a look." I pretended to lift my hair and took the opportunity to wipe the sweat off my face. Just an hour ago, when I stepped into the entrance of this room, my mood has changed decisively at this moment.However, I couldn't make my father aware of this. "Is it still raining?" "It's just light rain, but the wind has become stronger. By the way, have you been here for a long time?" "About fifteen minutes. I was lying in the living room and accidentally dozed off." We went into the kitchen together, and I opened the refrigerator. "Would you like something to drink?" "Have a beer." I took out two cans of beer and handed one to my father who was sitting in the chair. "How is your body?" "Don't ask every time, okay? It's still the same, there is no problem except insomnia." When the jar touched my mouth, I felt my throat burning with thirst, and I drank it almost in one gulp while standing.Raising one hand to wipe his mouth, my father looked at me again. "Hey, why don't you sit down?" "it is good." Once we sat opposite each other, I suddenly couldn't remember what I had talked with my father in those days.The air is heavy. In any case, it would be unnatural not to ask him where he went. "Where have you been?" "Playing steel balls. After a long time, I still lost." "Small steel ball?... How did you think of playing that?" Living together for many years, I have never heard my father playing steel balls.It is really impossible to imagine the scene of my father sitting patiently for a long time in that noisy and steamy atmosphere. "What's the matter, I also know how to play small steel balls. It's just behind the station in New Eden. It's quite profitable when you're lucky. By the way, if you don't have it in the store, why don't you finish your meal?" go again?" "No, I want to go to the dentist later. I had a tooth that was hurting before, and I dragged it away to see it, but it hurt more and more. I didn't make an appointment, and I might have to wait a long time, but it hurt in the middle of the night It's even more annoying. Let's do this first, and I'll come back another day." Even I thought it sounded like a make-up excuse. But Father just nodded in response, didn't he? My father told me to take an umbrella, so I took an umbrella out of the umbrella stand and left. I looked at my watch, it was half past four.I hurried all the way to the station, calling my younger brother Yohei.Using the steak dinner as bait, I managed to get him to agree to meet me at Kyoto Station at six o'clock.The younger brother is a college student and rents an apartment in Kyoto City. Afterwards, I also called back to the store, and told Ms. Hosoya who answered the phone that I had something to do and couldn't make it back before closing, and asked her if there was any problem in the store. Now that Chie has disappeared, only Ms. Hosoya is left as a full-time employee.She is a low-key but active middle-aged woman, and I can't help being overly dependent on her. "The weather is so bad, and there are no customers in the wild area. But there are four tables in the store. They are all good dogs who don't bark, and they are very quiet. In addition, Yangcai has two customers applying for membership one after another." To be honest, the originally murderous mood calmed down a little.Under the current operating conditions, the increase or decrease of any member will directly affect the business. "Finally, I can breathe a sigh of relief. Not long ago, one person withdrew from the membership." "They are going to move to a far away place, there is no way." "What kind of dog is joining the club this time?" "A very old Beagle, and a big one, a Bernese Mountain Dog." I can't help but snicker.I can't help but want to ask, which one is bigger than Kuchu? Last week, when Miss Hosoya was squatting in the wild area, she was kicked down by a male Bernese mountain dog named Kuqiu. Her entire face, including her glasses, was licked and licked by the oversized thick tongue, and she couldn't even speak. She struggled desperately; but there was about ten seconds before the owner hurriedly pulled the dog away from the dressing room, For some reason, everyone around me, including me, just watched in a daze. When I helped her up, she was very pale.When her arms were desperately wrapped around my neck, her lips accidentally touched my cheek under too much force.And some of her shirt buttons were undone, revealing her white bra.The skin on my sexy chest was as white as a bra. At that moment, I forgot that the woman in my arms was the same age as my deceased mother, and my heart beat fast. Miss Hosoya got into the dressing room and didn't come out for a long time. The salary is not high, but I usually give Ms. Hosoya a lot of work, and I am very worried whether she will resign because of this. Fortunately, it didn't end there, but since then, that incident has become a taboo in the store.Nachi, a part-time worker, said he would lend it to Ms. Hosoya, and I confiscated the copy of Stephen King's library that I specially brought the next day.That kid Nachi always scares me every day, and I don't know until a few days later that he even took a picture of Kuqiu straddling Miss Hosoya with his mobile phone.Because he proudly showed it to him. "The store manager was laughing just now?" I panicked when she said that through the other end of the phone. "No, no..." "By the way, regarding the Newcomers Association, I charged Bernese Mountain Dogs twice the membership fee and membership fee. The store manager also knows that super-large dogs are always more dangerous, so I think we should do this in the future." "Ah...but, suddenly...it seems a little..." An awkward silence.Then, Miss Hosoya said nonchalantly, "I lied to you."

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