When I woke up in the middle of the night, I saw the curtains were blown high by the wind.There is a moon, and the green trees shining in the window are shining with pearly light. I got up, slipped my feet into my red slippers, stepped out of the attic, and groped my way down the stairs. The stairs are old, and in the refraction of the moonlight, they look like square bald heads in uneven arrangement, with a dark luster.Step on it level by level, stepping on level 11, you can explore the kitchen. I held down the two copper coins tied around my neck, and beat them together along the silk thread so that they would not make a sound.Then I crouched down and started looking for food.The freezing feeling in my stomach almost froze my whole body, so that when I was looking for food, I was like a frozen puppet.

I saw her again, on this calm and cool midsummer night.In those windy and rainy or ordinary nights before, we have met too many times.This time, she smiled at me in a pool of blood as red as a rosebush.The heavy snow behind her fell at this time.The heavy snow is soft goose feathers, covering her smiling eyebrows, her thin and nutty face, and her dried body in a short while, as if to make her disappear. disappear. Yes, disappear. On the morning of July 7, there was a slight drizzle.I quietly took off my happy red brooch, held an umbrella with my father, and walked towards the cemetery in Nanshan. ——This is the ninth year since her death.

I stood there without moving, looking at the photo on the stele. She was wearing a military uniform and her hair was braided. She looked very young and beautiful.She left me when I was seven to save a boy who was crossing the road and she was crushed to pieces by a crazy heavy truck.Bai Ran, my hero mother, I hate that she didn't think of me at all when she rushed to death. One winter many years later, I witnessed a car accident with my own eyes. It was a very famous and beautiful girl here. I watched her body being run over by an agricultural tricycle, and flowers and flowers bloomed on the snow. A red flower, a fresh life just disappeared in an instant.At that moment, I felt powerless, as if I was the one who was hit, and the whole world turned into a vast expanse of whiteness. I squatted in the corner with my schoolbag in my arms, vomiting continuously.

I insisted on believing that this was God's arrangement, and he wanted me to understand that this was how Bai Ran died.After that day, I became a sick child, and vomiting often accompanied me, making me tasteless.I can't resist the nausea in my heart, just like I can't resist that scene flashing back again and again in my mind and dreams. "Wake up, talk to your mother." Dad said, "She must be very happy that you have passed the exam." I didn't speak.He didn't push me, just sighed softly, and said, "Let's go." I followed him and walked down the mountain. The stone steps that had rained were smooth because of the dampness.A girl wearing pink sneakers and holding a pink umbrella is walking up, because the stone ladder is very narrow, she politely stepped aside and let us go first, I saw the blue school badge on her chest, in the sky.It is a place that many people dream of.When the summer is over, I will be one of them too.

And this long summer vacation, I have to find something to do. When I got home, Aunt Xu called. It was my father who answered the phone. He kept mumbling. After hanging up the phone, he turned to me and said, "Aunt Xu invited you to go to the troupe to rehearse, will you go?" "What play?" I asked. "I don't know." Dad said, "She talked for a long time, but I didn't understand." "Give me money?" I asked. "You kid!" He looked at me and said, "By the way, the house is out of gas, you go to the supermarket to buy some. I'm so tired that I don't want to move anymore." After finishing speaking, he yawned and took five Pass me ten dollars.

Wait until I get back from shopping at the supermarket.When I opened the door, I found that he had fallen asleep leaning on the sofa. As I expected, the bottle of Erguotou was already empty. I smelled the slight smell of alcohol in the air, and sat gently on the opposite sofa, looking at his face.The large pores on his face opened and closed, and his entire cheeks were flushed with pink, and even the flush spread from the base of his ears to his neck.The wrinkles on the forehead are stretched at the moment, only a few touches, as if gently scratched by the nail cover.When he married Bai Ran, he was a mighty military officer.The two people in the black-and-white wedding photo look as good as they are drawn no matter how you look at it.

When I was in a daze, suddenly the door lock made a "click" sound.I was taken aback.It turned out that I just came in with oil and forgot to close the door, and the half-covered door was blown shut tightly by the wind. When he woke up, he touched half of his face with his hand, stretched his waist, and said a little embarrassedly: "What time is it? Look, I'm already asleep." "It's past seven o'clock." I said. "Is there any wine in the house?" "No." I said. "You lied to me." "In the refrigerator? Or the wine cabinet? Why is the wine cabinet locked?" He stood in front of the "wine cabinet", shaking the lock on it with his hands.

This cabinet was chosen by Bai Ran and him when they got married.The lock above is a pink Minnie Mouse that Bai Ran gave me for my birthday when I was 5 years old, and now the paint is mostly peeled off, rusty and ugly looking. "Let's eat some noodles at night." I still ignored him. "I asked you where did the wine go?!" He suddenly yelled. I looked at him without speaking. He suddenly looked at me with begging eyes, walked up to me and said, "Wake up, Dad, drink some more. You know Dad can't sleep without drinking, can you tell Dad where the wine is? Don't put Dad's wine Hiding, Dad can't sleep without drinking... Dad can't sleep without drinking..."

I went all out and yelled at him: "Don't drink, I've already thrown away the wine. From now on, don't drink. Your stomach doesn't allow you to drink, and Bai Ran doesn't like you to drink too!" A slap came over angrily. He strode into his room and closed the door heavily. Bai Ran, my mother, my great hero mother, if you see this scene in the spirit of heaven, will you feel sad?Will you cry?Will you regret your heroic choice at that moment? Sometimes I often think, I am a sick child. My secrets are small particles hidden in my heart, no one knows.So only I can understand the panic in my heart.When I tried to get back to normal, that panic turned into a sharp knife, stabbing my already overwhelmed heart with scars.

I still decided to join the club.It is my innate ability to mix myself with the crowd, pretend to be innocent, and pretend to be happy. July 12th is the day when the troupe starts to rehearse. In the summer of July, the climate in the south is already quite hot.Because there were no beautiful clothes to wear, he casually took out the only black skirt, gesticulated twice on his body, and then hurriedly put it on. It was sunny outside.I opened my umbrella and walked slowly on the hot street alone.The sun is like a small fireball, and I am like a hot rice dumpling wrapped in an umbrella.I have an indescribable love for umbrellas.Sunny or rainy day is holding an umbrella.The first umbrella was given by Bai Ran.I've been buying one every year since then.So now I have 10 umbrellas.

I was late that day. Teacher Xu is the initiator of the troupe. When I put away my umbrella and walked into the small classroom, she was already speaking on stage: "Tianzhong Women's Troupe has as long a history as Tianzhong. I hope that everyone here will cherish the opportunity to be selected. Most of you are freshmen in high school. In the registration file, you all filled in the performance in the interest column—— " I was standing at the door outside the classroom. Aunt Xu had already seen me and smiled and beckoned me to go in and sit down.I soon realized that I had come by accident, because only the seat next to Jiang Lan was still vacant.Jiang Lan has been my classmate from elementary school to junior high school. I will always remember that one day in the first day of junior high school, she said softly in front of many people: "Oh, Mo Xingxing, her mother is a hero." Don’t you guys know about saving people from dying? Mo Xingxing didn’t do well in the exam this time, so he can be regarded as taking care of him and getting into our school.” She smiled like that, and easily showed the pain I had been carrying when I was growing up in front of everyone.I really wanted to go up and slap her on the ear, but it was just a thought.Fortunately, in the three years of junior high school, not only me, but most of the classmates in the class didn't like her.But even so, Jiang Lan also has her own pride and her world, because of her beauty, because of her family background.Therefore, she doesn't have to care about the eyes of everyone around her. "I heard that only three protagonists were selected, but you see a room full of people came," Jiang Lan said, "Who do you want to report?" "Me?" I pointed to my nose and said, "I'll tell you what's left." I don't know if Jiang Lan could hear the sarcasm in my tone, but she giggled happily anyway.After laughing, she said: "Mo Xingxing, you are actually very beautiful, but you shouldn't wear black clothes, it makes you look a bit old-fashioned." "Try red." Jiang Lan suggested, "Your eyes are beautiful and your skin is fair. Red will suit you." I said coldly: "Thank you for your advice." "By the way," Jiang Lan said, "Abu is back, did you know?" "After this is over, let's go to Xiluo Bridge together." Jiang Lan said, "Abu asked about you." Xiluo Bridge is the place where we played together when we were young.Abu, the grandson of the grandma's family who lives in the lower reaches of Xiluo Bridge, is one year older than me and Jiang Lan. He can weave reed leaf whistles, make tank models, and has many, many Transformers.Every time I go to his house, Jiang Lan always dresses beautifully, and each of her skirts is different.But I have short hair cut like a boy, shorts and shorts, just because Bai Ran never bought me a decent skirt. Abu should have welcomed us, but he paid little attention to us.Usually we would move a small stool and sit at the end of the bridge, silently watching him busy around alone until a new toy appeared in his hands. When I was young, Jiang Lan and I were fascinated by such a dull dusk out of pure admiration for a boy.Until one day Jiang Lan said to me: "Tomorrow, don't go to brother Abu's house with me." "why?" "You broke the kite he made, he hates you." "You broke it!" "Okay, so be it, but do you know why Abu never invites us to his house?" I looked at her aggrievedly. "It's because of you. You're always standing there, don't you know he hates you? Look at yourself, you're dirty all day long!" She finished speaking, and walked away angrily, shaking her long braids up. I froze in place. Not long after, she came over to me again.Holding her most precious doll in her hand.She said gently: Wake up, don't be angry.This is for you to play.As long as you promise me, don't play with brother Abu again, okay? I took the doll in the red dress, threw it on the ground, and walked away without saying anything. One afternoon many days later, Bai Ran and I passed by Xiluo Bridge.I was wearing a new white dress that day.It was my birthday present from Aunt Xu.Jiang Lan suddenly sprang up from the small stool, and covered me with a handful of sticky and smelly mud at the entrance of Xiluo Bridge where the crowds were turbulent.Facing my face again, he spat hard. At that moment, I really wanted to rush forward and grab my mother's clothes, shouting out my grievances. but I do not have. Because Bai Ran didn't look at me at all, she seemed to be preoccupied, and was looking up at a tall tree growing by the river, with huge white flowers crowded close together, opening half of the sky. After returning home, Bai Ran took a bath for me.She said, "Why is there mud on your new clothes?" I pursed my lips and didn't speak.She threw the clothes into the basin and said, "Can you stop being so naughty, mom has already worried enough about you." I bowed my head, tears fell to the floor, and there was no sound.I don't think I'm naughty at all, I'm such a nice girl, but she uses this word to describe me.I just cried quietly, as if I was inherently cowardly, and I have always only had a gesture of fear when facing strength.Do not believe in struggle, let alone try. I don't know what happened that night, Bai Ran and his father quarreled a lot, I covered my ears with the quilt, I was afraid to hear them say any words to blame me, I was afraid that a little bit of unhappiness was caused by me , The next day, I got up very early, I was very good, I packed my schoolbag by myself, had breakfast by myself, and put on those red sneakers with many straps that were difficult to wear by myself.Later, it was my father who sent me to school. Bai Ran leaned on the dining table and looked at me. Her anger seemed to have not subsided. She didn't say a word to me, and she didn't even look at me.At noon that day, she died in a car accident and never came back. Never came back. She saved other people's children and left her own.For a long time, I thought that she must hate me so much that she was so desperate. I finally saw Abu again, in the unchanging dusk of Xiluo Bridge. He seemed to have been waiting there, and when I passed by, he stretched out his slender arms and gently stopped me. "Momo, is that you?" he asked. "Oh." I said. "The Eighteen Changes of Women's University." He shook his head, "I watched it for a long time before I could confirm it." "Are you back?" I said. "Come," Abu suddenly reached out and grabbed my hand, "Look what gift I brought back for you?" His hand was big, and his cold fingers held mine tightly. I was a little flustered, but I didn't Did not withdraw my hand, but let him pull me under the bridge, my eyes saw a giant kite, is it a bird?Or swallows?Or an eagle? Abu said: "Don't look at him so huge, but it can fly higher than any kite, do you believe it?" I nod. "But," I said stupidly, biting my finger, "isn't it the season for kite flying?" "Silly Momo, as long as there is wind, the kite can go up to the sky." Abu said, "It doesn't matter what season it is?" In the whole world, only Abu does not wake me up, but calls me Momo. "For you." Abu said, "Do you like it?" I keep my head down. My heart is so warm that I can't bear it.I finally looked up at Abu, he smiled at me gently, and then he said: "Momo, I have never forgotten you." After speaking, he took out a pack of 35 brand cigarettes from his pocket, He pulled out one of them, lit it expertly, and squinted his eyes at me. "You haven't been online for a long time." Abu said, "I had to come back from Beijing to see you." "It's an exam." I said. "I know." Abu said, "I heard that you have been admitted to Tianzhong, shouldn't we have a good celebration?" I looked at him somewhat puzzled. "I just came back and found a very interesting place." Abu said, "A bar called 'Forget it', I invite you to hang out at night." I shook my head, the despair in my heart came like a flood.Time is such a nasty thing, it changes things arbitrarily without anyone's consent.You see, I am not what I used to be, and Abu is not what Abu used to be. I turned my head away and said, "Abu, I'm going home." "Why?" There was disappointment in his tone, "We haven't seen each other for so long." "No." I stepped back and said, "I have something to do when I get home." "Momo," he held me a little arrogantly, "don't go, I have something to say to you." I shook him off and ran up the bridge, ignoring his shouts behind me, and headed home without looking back.I pushed open the door panting, and another blow came without saying hello - my father was sitting on the sofa in my house with a woman. They were very close, as if they were one person. It bounced off my dad like a pinball, and he stood in front of the coffee table at my house, looking at me with a blushing face. That woman was none other than Aunt Xu! "I forgot to take something." After I finished speaking, I didn't take anything. I closed the door and ran downstairs quickly. I stood in the corridor panting, thinking about where I could go, but there was really nowhere for me to go.In this world, there is no corner that can accommodate me. When I was in a daze, there was a sudden tightness behind me.A hand stained with the smell of warm wine suddenly covered my mouth, and the other hand almost picked me up behind me, and threw me against the creeper-grown wall. For a moment I was stunned.His hands were pulled out from his pressed body, desperately trying to rip his hands away.Taking advantage of the situation, he pushed me even tighter against the wall. The heavy pressure made it difficult for me to breathe, and my joints made cracking sounds, as if I was about to be crushed by this erected earth-moving machine.Fear all over the sky and everywhere wrapped me up layer by layer.Can't cry, can't shout, can't break free.The body is like a piece of dried pomfret, and the internal organs are almost curled up to the limit. "Momo...I...like...like you so much, Momo...always..." He murmured, with the other hand trying to pull me into his arms. As if I suddenly came to my senses, I frantically stepped on him with the sole of my left foot, shaking my body to try to break free.He staggered a few steps, lost his balance and fell to the wall.I frantically opened my legs and ran away with all my strength. When I got home, the light in Dad's room was still on.I kicked off my shoes and crawled into the attic, closing the door quickly, then crawled under the covers, wrapping my arms around my head, trying to keep myself from shaking but still. I didn't fall asleep all the time. I got up in the middle of the night and went downstairs to find something to eat. I didn't eat for a day, and I ate 11 pieces of dry instant noodles in just half an hour. There is no other food at home, only Master Kong's instant noodles lying on the ground in a big box.I turned the box upside down, took only the bread, held it in my hand, and went upstairs.Go back to the attic and gently close the door.I knelt on the ground and firmly stuffed the dry and hard bread into my mouth.Little to no chew.The instant noodle crumbs stuck in the pharynx were moistened by the saliva continuously gushing from the wall of the cheeks, and fell into the esophagus.It wasn't until I ate the smell of blood that I felt a tingling sensation when I opened my mouth, and I stretched out my hand to wipe it, only to see blood oozing from the corner of the mouth. It was still moonlight that night.Kneeling on the rose-colored floor of the small attic, I froze for a long time without moving.The vision is determined, and the body and mind are in severe pain. I think I know who he is. That night, I had such a stomachache that I thought I was dead. When I realized that I was still alive, I was very scared, because I knew that I was really sick, the same sickness as Bai Ran. When I was young, I witnessed Bai Ran's confrontation with food.She tried to stuff a red tomato into her mouth with her hands, her body was shaking, she couldn't bring herself to accept the tiny fruit.She didn't pay attention to the young me, because she couldn't sleep well, she quietly came to her room with toys in her arms to look for her, and wanted to give her a surprise.It was when I passed by the restaurant that I saw her eyes closed in such pain, and tears slowly fell. Now, it's my turn.I clutched my stomach, the pain was so painful that I wanted to cry out, but I knew I couldn't cry out. I felt the sweat dripping from my head like rain, and then I fell into a dream without realizing it. When he woke up in a daze, he felt the coldness of his left hand.The drip hangs overhead like a glass bomb.He turned his head again and saw the frowning father. He asked me, "How are you doing?" "What's wrong with me?" "I didn't see you getting up in the morning. I went to knock on your door and found you passed out." "Oh." "Do you know why you passed out?" I shake my head. "You really don't know?" I looked at him without making a sound. "Mo Xingxing, don't be like your mother." Dad started to look at me after saying this, it was a very sad and disappointed look. "Do you hate Dad?" he asked me in a low voice. "No." I said. "I want to live my own life too," he said through gritted teeth. My tears flowed down.Conscience, I really never hated anyone, never, everyone has to live their own life, I swear I understand, I really understand.I just hate how they withhold it, and feel like an idiot for so many years. A doctor in a white coat approached me, faced my tears, and asked me coldly: "Is there any phenomenon that you can't control your diet?" "No." I raised my hand to wipe away my tears and said calmly. "How many times did you skip meals in a row at the most?" "Normal diet." I said. "Do you have any symptoms of irritability?" "No." I said. "Do you have symptoms of irregular menstruation?" "No." I said. "Have you ever felt that your eyesight has declined rapidly recently, and sometimes you shed tears involuntarily?" "No." I still answered without blinking my eyes. After a pause, he looked at me suspiciously.He sighed again and continued: "Your gastric mucosa is very damaged, you can't go on like this." "No." I still said. "In the next month, take good care of yourself. Don't eat hard rice or nuts. Liquid and nutritious food is the best." This is what I told my father. "Understood." Dad replied behind me. That doctor looks very old.The white hair was combed back, and the front of the skull was shiny.He adjusted his glasses and wrote on the medical record in blue ink: "Alternative anorexia and bulimia?" ?The meaning is to express his doubts. My father and I took the bus and returned home in silence.As soon as he entered the house, he went to the kitchen, quickly brought out a big bowl of porridge, and said in a commanding tone: "You eat it!" I turned to go up to the attic.He grabbed me and yelled, "I told you to eat, did you hear me?" "I'm not hungry." I said. He's staring at me with blood red eyes and it scares me, but I'm really not hungry and I don't want to give in. He held my arm with one hand and raised the other to hit me again.I closed my eyes, waiting for the pain to come, but at the moment I closed my eyes, I suddenly saw a huge thing rising out of the window, a colorful, ostentatious thing with a huge tail coming out of nowhere, like a dream. That's Abu's kite! The tail of the kite is written in big characters with colored pens: I love MOMO. Oh my God! Dad followed my gaze, then he let me go and ran to the window.My heart jumped violently, but I saw the kite shaking a few times and being pulled away. "Who?" Dad turned to me and asked, "What's going on?" I shake my head. "Mo Xingxing." Dad said sadly, "What do you want to do?" "I don't want to do anything." I said, "I'm going to sleep for a while." After speaking, I walked up to my little attic, step by step, I walked very slowly and steadily. He didn't pull me again, but I heard his low breathing.I know he's angry, and I work hard all day just to keep people from being angry, not to be angry for me, but God knows how hard it is. Besides, wouldn't I be angry about those things about him?I should be angrier than him! In the middle of the night, I was thirsty and wanted to drink water.I didn't wear shoes so as not to wake him up, and when I came down from the attic with bare feet, I heard him talking on the phone. He's saying, "Married? Haha, no way." I smelled the alcohol in the air again, he must have drank a lot, so that when he spoke, his tongue was a little tied: "Yes, waking up is the most important thing, you are right... no If you're happy, you don't have to be together if you're not..." I heard him swear, and then hung up the phone. I sat down quietly on the attic stairs and put my arms around myself.Hearing that he actually started to sing, with a low voice, he was singing a song that Bai Ran liked to sing many years ago: "Your years are my unfinished road. Looking back at the chaotic footsteps of thousands of miles, looking at the past, lonely geese fly to the deep autumn place. , My heart is surging for many years and I can't keep it... The road is getting farther and farther, the more I understand that I only wait for one person in my life, the dream becomes more real as it lasts, and my heart has no return." I haven't heard him sing for a long, long time, In the night when he was alone, he drank wine and sang so earnestly and affectionately, without losing his tune at all. He lost his wife in his prime, and raised me alone. Half his life, he was burdened with ups and downs and pains. His heart has no return journey, only forward, forward. I've never felt so selfish.Tears fell silently. When I finally calmed down, I found that he had fallen asleep on the sofa, and the old air conditioner was making a loud noise. I walked downstairs lightly, took large towels, and covered his stomach for him.Then I sat down at the dining table and slowly ate the big bowl of porridge he gave me with a small iron spoon.The porridge that had been blown in the air-conditioned room for a long time was cold and refreshing. When I finished drinking it contentedly, I found him looking at me with his eyes open. The next day he went on a business trip to Shanghai, and when he came back, he bought me a brand new skirt.The blue suspender skirt and the white lace shirt are popular styles this year, and they are very energetic to wear.He also bought me a new backpack with nice little books in it.I don't know where he, a big man, can buy the things these girls like. I stand in front of the mirror a little shyly and look at myself in a new skirt and a new backpack.I don't know how long it has been since I received such a solemn gift. He smiled knowingly behind me.After laughing, he stretched out a finger, pointed at Bai Ran above the mirror, and said, "Let's go see her again before you start school." Sometimes it feels like he's deliberately hiding his pain.Alcoholism, or crankiness.In fact, it is against his nature.He still hides his and Bai Ran's wedding photos in the deepest part of his wallet.The photo of the lover can be placed on the outermost side, which is a proud and bright love.What hides that photo deeply is the painful and humble love. Unlike many girls in the class who like to say out loud that I love so-and-so, I am actually very ashamed to mention the word "love". I feel that it is far away from me and unreal.So much so that every time I think of Abu, I feel guilty. Abu left Xiluoqiao in the first year of junior high school, because his father's job was transferred, and his whole family went to Beijing.Later, it was Jiang Lan who told me his QQ number. It was a novelty to chat with a familiar boy across the Internet. Abu and I chatted every weekend. I found a new self, a humorous and cute girl who is good at expressing, so I was addicted to this kind of communication for a while.Until one day he suddenly said to me: "Momo, I like you." I turned off the computer, feeling an inexplicable fear.Since then, I seldom surf the Internet. I said to myself more than once, I want to be a good boy, I can't do this or that, this is my request to myself after Bai Ran left, and I don't want to go against it.Although my heart often hurts when I implement this promise I made to myself. That night I sat in my little attic, looking at the starry sky in summer, the stars flowed, it was so beautiful.It was at that time that Jiang Lan called my house. She said, "Mo Xingxing, come out and play." "Today is Abu's birthday, have you forgotten?" I hesitated again, hung up the phone, ran upstairs, pushed open the small window of the attic, saw two heads, both looking up, the moonlight shone on Abu’s face, and he was making faces at me. I put on my new skirt and slipped quietly downstairs. "Happy birthday." I said to Abu. Abu looked at me with a cigarette in his mouth: "Why don't you plan to give me a birthday present?" Jiang Lan smiled meaningfully at the side.My stomach hurt again, so I frowned and said to Abu, "I'm sorry, my stomach hurts." "Let's go to the bar to drink." Abu said, "I guarantee that the alcohol will cure you!" "I'm sorry," I said, "I'm going upstairs, please stop calling, my dad is sleeping, and he doesn't like me answering the phone at night." "What did I do wrong?" Abu said, "I thought we could be friends." I stared at him: "You know what you did wrong." He suddenly lowered his eyes, not daring to look at me. I broke free from him and continued to walk upstairs, and heard his desperate voice behind: "Are you really unwilling to continue, even netizens can't do it?" I desperately held back my tears and didn't look back. I ran into the house and closed the iron gate.happy Birthday.Sorry, Abu, I want to be a clean girl, forgive me for not being able to easily forgive those young mistakes. On August 28th, there are three days before leaving school. I ignored my father's objection and decided to live on campus.I carefully thought that it would be more convenient for him and Xu if I was not at home.I can't forget the scene where Xu jumped up from him. I didn't recognize Xu. After so many years, it's a very scary thing for someone you've been close to to suddenly become a stranger. That day I made a white dress of Bai Ran smaller, added lace to the neckline, lengthened the sleeves, and embroidered a few purple butterflies on the skirt. When I was trying it on, my father knocked on the door suddenly. I opened the door and saw him Holding a new schoolbag in his hand, he said to me: "Aunt Xu has been here, this is her gift for the new semester." I didn't hear anything from downstairs. They are so careful. Fortunately, such days will soon be over. Dad is right, he also has his own life, I have no right to interfere with anything, conceal me, deceive me, it is just my misfortune, the shame I deserve. I didn't look at the schoolbag my dad had put on the floor. I didn't care what it looked like, and I wasn't going to use it. Aunt Xu is still sitting on my sofa. She stood up and looked at me with some surprise.I know that my appearance frightened her, I puffed up my chest, I just want to make her think of Bai Ran, I just want to make her feel guilty! The next day, Dad was on a business trip again, and there was a brand new one hundred yuan on the dinner table.I didn't give it a second look. In this way, in the first three days of school, I basically didn't eat anything. In fact, it was useless to eat, because if I ate it, I would vomit.After my father came back, I found me lying in the attic and collapsed again, so I was sent to the hospital again. I am a sick child, and no one can heal my illness. Resident students are required to report the previous afternoon. On the morning of the 31st, I came out of the hospital and simply packed my luggage at home.In the afternoon, my father insisted on going with me, and he drove me off in his second-hand Santana. Tianzhong began to implement fully enclosed teaching two years ago, and built many brand new student apartment buildings for this purpose.The girl's building is light yellow, and the boy's building is light blue, separated by an artificial river.It seems to be a clear meaning. I live in Building 3, Room 308. Dad moved a simple suitcase into the dormitory for me. It is a four-person room with plenty of sunlight.The upper bed and the lower table are the model of a university apartment. I chose the bed near the window myself.Dad looked at it and said, "It's very good, better than I imagined." I pushed him out of the dormitory door, and then I wiped the table and mopped the floor by myself, made the bed, and took out the quilt to dry.But he didn't want to meet Jiang Lan.She led three middle-aged women in aprons past me and into the room next to me.I noticed that they all had "**Housekeeping" written on their aprons.God, he even brought a nanny with him. She ignored me, and when I was stunned at the door, someone patted my back suddenly, I turned my head and saw a girl.She smiled at me and said, "Please make way!" I looked at her with some surprise.Because she brought too many bags.In addition to the large shoulder bag and a hand luggage bag on his back, there are two huge suitcases lying behind him. She pursed her lips in embarrassment and said, "There are a lot of things. My mother said that I am an immigrant. Hehe." I also smiled, because I really didn't know what to say. She chose the shop next to me, and said loudly to me: "My name is Mi Sha. I will help each other in the future! Please teach me a lot!" "Well." I said. "And you, what's your name?" she asked me. "Don't wake up." I said. She screamed strangely: "Mo Xingxing, just don't wake up all the time, do you mean to sleep all the time?" "Yes." I said. "Your mother is really interesting, giving you such a name." She laughed.I fell in love with her in her smile. For a girl with such a smile, her world must be pure and clean. I continued to tidy up my bed, and under my leadership, Mi Sha also rolled up her sleeves and started working. "My mum was going to come and help me and I frantically turned her down." As she said that, she turned over, sat on the bed, dangling her legs back and forth, and said, "This is how adults are. If you don't prove it to him, he will always treat you as a child." Strength, fists clenched, expression serious.It seems to be declaring her strength. The other two girls in the dormitory also moved in one after another.They both wore big glasses, and one had pimples on her forehead and the other a small brown birthmark on her neck. In the middle of the night, the entire girls' building was awakened. It was Jiang Lan who was the first servant. Her screams almost shook the entire building.A lot of girls crowded in the corridor to watch, Mi Sha also went, came back after a while, and said angrily: "The one next door, it must be that someone broke into the dormitory." Wu You screamed and rushed to the window, and suddenly roared to close our window: "Is it true, who broke in, a boy?" Mi Sha pushed the window open with a "snap": "Take a breath, what are you afraid of! Everyone go on sleeping!" Facts have proved that there is no need to be afraid at all, Jiang Lan was just "dreaming" that day, but if she can make her dream so perfect, I'm afraid there will never be another one in the whole world. 这场风波让整个女生楼在一夜之间认识了住在３０7的新生蒋蓝。 用米砂的话来说：“所谓一叫成名，不过如此。” 高一（１７）班，我的新班级。 天中实在是民主，座位居然可以自己挑。因为去晚了，已经没什么好位，雪上加霜，没想到在过道上竟会一头撞到一个男生的怀里。 男生后退一步，问我：“同学，敢问贵姓？” 我没理他，身边忽然有人伸出手来拉我：“莫醒醒，来我和坐。” 救我的人是米砂。 第一节课是班主任的课。 班主任走进来的时候全班都吓了一跳。她是个戴副金丝边眼镜的小个子女人。与其说是女人，不如说是女生。因为她竟然扎着俩小麻花辫，像是从历史书里走出来的。 后来我知道了那个男生的名字，米砾。是米砂同胞的哥哥，奇怪的是他们长得并不是很像，而且性格也完全不一样，米砂成绩很好，考进天中来的时候是前三名，一看就是乖乖女，但米砾却性格顽劣，唯一爱好掌机游戏，学习一塌糊涂。交了10万赞助费才进的天中。 这些都是米砂自己告诉我的，她对她的家庭，没有我这样的忌讳。 我一直没有跟米砂说起过家里的一切，我知道她有些好奇，但她也从来不问。中午晚上，我跟她一起去吃饭，我吃得不多，她总笑我减肥，不知道我是没有胃口…… 第二天课间的时候，米砂去上厕所。我一个人坐在位置上。突然感觉身后被一个软软的东西击中。低头一看，是一个纸团。不能确定是不是给我的，所以我没有拣。喝了一口水，干脆趴在桌子上休息。没想到没过一会，又一个很大的纸团重重打在我的后脑勺上，弹落在桌子上。我抬起头，一伸手，把它捋到地上，继续睡觉。没想到，纸团接着又飞过来。 “美女，看看嘛。”后面传来的是米砾的声音。伴随着周围男生一些不怀好意的笑声。 我的脸这时候已经红得快发紫了，但是没有办法，我只好一闷头，把它拣起来。只见上面写着：“你的书包掉在地上了，要我帮你拣否？”我一转头，该死，书包真的掉在地上。我伸手去拣，米砾的声音很放肆地传来：“难不成以为本帅哥给你写情书啦。小妹妹，为什么受骗的总是你……” 我抬起头，“腾”的站起来，勇敢地迎着蒋蓝的目光。刚刚开学，我也不是爱惹事的孩子。但是她提到了白然。我不能坐在那像个蠢猪一样继续忍受下去。 米砂就在这个时候回来了。她看我们的架势，把我拉到一边，一个箭步冲到前面。她踮起脚，整张脸几乎贴到米砾的鼻尖。她小声而清楚地对米砾说：“你想死吗？” 她话音刚落，上课铃声就骤然响起。米砾退后一步，耸耸肩膀，灵活地钻到自己位置上。米砂也只好不甘心地坐下去。 就在老师说：“上课——”的时候，大家哗啦啦站起来。米砂一点也没闲着地将手伸到后桌，一个横扫，所有的书和文具一个不落地被扫到地上。 米砾锤胸顿足地叫起来：“靠，败给你了！” 我注意到一双眼睛，一直冷冷地注视着这一切。那是蒋蓝的眼睛，我知道，她不想让我好过。 我甚至注意到她笑了一下。那笑让我不寒而栗。 我知道我跟她之间会有战争，我只是没想到，战争会演变得如此激烈，甚至有一天会到无可收拾的地步． 我们宿舍里的伍优，是那种热爱学习，同时也热衷八卦的女生。 几乎每天回来，她都要宣布一两个关于蒋蓝的新闻。 这一天，伍优一回来就激动地说。 米砂正在剪指甲，卡嚓卡嚓的声音突然停下来。她扬声问：“是不是法国牌子的？” “好象是。” “封套上画着一簇绿色玫瑰？丝绒制的外盒？” "exactly." 米砂沉默了一会，更加奋力地剪指甲，一边嘟囔着：“没种的家伙，就知道是他！” 剪完指甲的米砂爬到我床上来，她悄悄对着我的耳朵说了一句：“米砾干的。” 我点点头，说：“你见过那盒巧克力？” “当然，我爸带的，我一盒他一盒，很贵的。” "Oh." I said. “看来这次他还真是不惜血本了。”米砂躺在我的床上，把她手上的一个绿色的东西递给我。 是一个沙漏。礼盒形状，被绿色的丝绒包裹起来，拉开上面的一根绳子，一个晶莹剔透的柱状体完整地露出来，隔着厚厚的玻璃，我看到里面的沙子是白色的。很细很细的沙子，米砂给我的时候已经将它调了个个，可是如果不仔细看，根本不能发现沙子在滴落。 “这个全落下来，要多久？” "What do you think?" I shake my head. “99秒。”她说。 我愣愣地看着那瓶沙，真的要这么久吗。 第一个周末来临。我们宿舍只留我一个在这。 为了给不回家一个理由，我又给爸爸发去短信：“明天要去补数学，这周不回家了。我一切都好，不用记挂。” 他没回短信，而是直接来了电话，告诉我他在上海，问我有什么需要的没有。 那天晚上我一个人在宿舍里，我没有吃晚饭，晚上十点钟的时候，我开始感到饿。我跑到楼下的小卖部，买了一大堆吃的拎回宿舍，就在我不停吃着东西的时候，听到隔壁蒋蓝在讲电话，她居然也没有回家！那个晚上我好像不一直不停在吃东西，蒋蓝好像一直不停在打电话，深夜三点的时候，我慢慢睡着，大约五点多钟的时候，我因胃痛和经痛的双重折磨而醒来。 隔壁的蒋蓝好像还在打电话，时哭时笑，我真服了她。 清晨的时候我终于慢慢睡着，早上感觉到宿舍电话铃声不断，但我没法起身接，也不想接。持续到中午，蒋蓝贴着一脸的黄瓜从她的屋子里愤怒的冲出来，拼命敲我们宿舍的门。我爬起身来拉开门，她冲着的劈头盖脸就喊：“你他妈是不是欠了高利贷？电话不接就拔掉，这点破常识要老娘教你啊？你知不知道这样会吵我睡觉！”说完这话，她脸上的黄瓜为她咬牙切齿的表情而动容，甚至掉了几片在地上。 “脑子进水了！我靠！”她一边咒骂一边冲进宿舍里来，扬声说道：“电话在哪？！”我让到门边，头有点昏沉。 她很快发现了电话机，径直走过去将电话线一把扯掉。 我发现这时候她脸上的黄瓜片已经掉的差不多了。 整个楼里本就不剩下几个人，现在又一次都聚到蒋蓝的周围。 我镇静地说：“请你从这里出去。” 她哼了一声，走到我跟前，抱着臂继续昂着头说：“如果我不呢？” “你给我出去！”我不知道哪来的力气，奋力向她撞去，一直把她挤到门口。她失声尖叫：“你要做什么！” “滚！”我拼尽全身力气。 她好像又要冲进来。 "Wake up!" 听到那声呼唤的我，一瞬间像被电击中身体。in vain?难道是白然，我抬起脑袋，看到的却是米砂。 我只感觉头疼欲裂，双腿不由自主跪在地上。米砂一把推开蒋蓝冲进来，将门狠狠关上。 “嘭！”那些好奇的目光，那个疯子般的蒋蓝，终于都与我们隔离开来。 “靠！”蒋蓝尖叫着，仍然心有不甘地踢了那扇陈旧的木门一脚。 “踢什么踢！”米砂对着外面粗鲁地骂，“再踢我踢爆你的头！” 狠的还怕不要命的，外面终于安静了。 米砂试图把我从地上拖起来。可是她不能成功，她着急地说：“你自己动一下好吗？我真的……使不上劲了。” 我对她说：“你放开我，我可以自己来的。”说着我扶着身边的床腿，挣扎着站起身来。 米砂把椅子挪过来，把我放到椅子上坐下。 她喘着气蹲在我面前，说：“你怎么了？怎么会这样呢？” “你为什么会过来？”我问她。 “我不放心。打电话你不接，我担心你有事。”她担心地说。她把手背放到我额头上替我擦汗。属于她的体温一瞬间传遍了我的身体。我的泪水，就在这个时候流了出来。连同她放下的手一起，迅速地滑落下来。 米砂看着宿舍地板上一堆零食的外壳，惊讶地问我：“谁吃的？” 我冷静地说：“我。” “天。”她说，“你是我见过我最能吃零食的女生。” 我捂住肚子。 “怎么了？”她问我，“吃多肚子痛了吧？我去给你买点胃药来。” 我拉住她摇摇头，脸估计已经疼得发青。 她看着我，很有经验地问：“是不是痛经？” I nod. 她默默地去打来热水，替我做热敷。我有些不好意思，她却不由分说地命令我躺下去，拉开我的衬衫。我感到肚皮上的温热，像被抚慰的潮水，疼痛奇异地消失，全身说不出的通畅。 “醒醒。”米砂说，“不知道为什么，从见到你的第一天起，我就感觉你是与众不同的。” 米砂的话让我的心高高的拎起来，我是那么平凡的一个女孩子，从来没能人这样子夸过我，我看到米砂的眼眸，亮得不可思议，像一颗近在咫尺的星星，我闭上了眼，没敢与她对视，然后听到她的轻笑，她说：“莫醒醒，我发现长得你很像一只猫。” 那个晚上，我和米砂挤在一张床上。半夜米砂睡着以后，我侧着身子去取窗台上的沙漏，反反复复将它掉过来掉过去。 99秒的时间。 是否足够一个人吞下一锅冰冷的米饭？是否足够一个人果断地决定结束自己的生命？是否足够一场大雪覆盖一个不得安息的灵魂？ 又是一个难以入睡的夜晚。我把自己的MP3拿出来，反反复复的听那一首歌。 一个歌手不停地唱着：“theres plenty of fish in the sea .why does your one have to be me?” “theres plenty of fish in the sea .why does your one have to be me?” “why does your one have to be me?” 我没有一刻，比现在更加仇恨白然。