Chapter 50 Section 22

Unable to control my emotions anymore, I yelled at Minister Chen: "If I sign this order, then what's the difference between me and those fascists in Japanese Unit 731! Isn't the cause I've fought for my whole life really just? ? Leader! You can't be so confused!" My eye circles started to turn red, not because of beauty, but more because of the loss of the sudden collapse of faith in my heart. Minister Chen's guards rushed in with guns in their hands when they heard the movement in the house.They were unambiguous in their actions, and directly pushed me to the ground. At this time, Minister Chen only needs to give an order, and I can go to the labor camp to end the rest of my life.I have no resistance, I hope he does, the current 091 has made me feel ashamed.

Obviously, Minister Chen was also surprised by my aggressive behavior, but he quickly adjusted his mood, waved his hand, and sent the guards out. "Stand up! That mature and cold state machine!" Minister Chen satirized me. But I was lying on the ground like a dead person without moving. Why bother to move when my heart is dead, the belief that people have fought for all their lives collapsed in an instant. "Stand up like a man, like a soldier! I order you!" Minister Chen roared again. I suddenly felt that even if I were to die here today, I should straighten my body. I firmly believe in my beliefs, and human nature should not be trampled on casually.

I stood up, looked straight ahead, and I never looked at Minister Chen again. "Do you regret it? Can you control your emotions after seeing all this?" Minister Chen stood beside me and pointed to the wall behind his chair, "What is that wall?" "Portrait of a Leader". "What about under the portrait?" "A map of our country!" "Okay, very good!" Minister Chen returned to his seat, "I'm doing well now, anyone who is human or not dares to take pictures of my table!" "What is justice? What is faith? If justice and faith are the same in everyone's heart, why is there still injustice and why is there still war! Today I will tell you what is our faith! What is our justice!" Minister Chen yelled at me while patting the map behind him, "Our faith and our justice are for the interests of the people on the map behind me! Benefits! Do you understand? Now the interests of the country require you to do so. You have to do it! No choice! No negotiation! After 091 has been here for so many years, don’t you know that the national interest is above all else? Don’t you know? Above all! Do you understand?”

"Is it necessary to sacrifice the happiness of a certain person's life for the benefit of the country? Doesn't the benefit of the country not respect humanity?" I argued, "Is your love and protection for Mei Xing fake? Don't you Do you just have the heart to watch Miyuki never see the sun for the rest of her life?" Speaking of Meixing, Minister Chen's tone was a little softer: "Of course my love and protection for Meixing are not fake, but I have to choose between national righteousness and personal feelings, and I can't hesitate. Once I hesitate, everyone below will Follow me to hesitate, the people below hesitate, and this country will follow suit! Then I am a sinner of the country!"

Minister Chen stroked his gray hair and looked at me: "Do you know what national righteousness is?" I didn't answer, I don't know how to answer. "Last year when you released Sui Tianzuo in Daba Mountain, several team leaders had different opinions. To deal with you, don't tell me that you two young men can't catch the old thing that was seriously injured. I will suppress this matter in the end. It’s okay to give you a small punishment. Why would someone ask to deal with you? That’s because these insiders are considering issues from my personal emotional standpoint. Who is Sui Tianzuo? My comrade-in-arms who was born and died died How many people did he have? Even my son died in the battle with him in Yunnan! Do I hate him? I hate him to the bone! I am also human, I have feelings, and I am selfish. When my son died , is about the same age as you, and is very self-willed. He didn’t listen to the arrangement I made with Lao Lei and Yang Yang, and changed the mission route privately in a relatively safe position. As a result... But I understand that Sui Tianzuo didn’t come here The spy on our intelligence, he came here for the sake of the country, so I don't care about it." Minister Chen lowered his head, as if unwilling to recall the past.

"Over the years, I have cared more about you and Big Zhang, and I have selfish intentions. I have seen the shadow of my son from you. He is energetic, enthusiastic, humorous, and a little rebellious. You violated some discipline and caused some small troubles. , I don't pursue it. I don't let you go to the Northeast because I know that you and Meixing are good, and I know the things between you. Meixing often chats with me. Don't I know what she thinks? Don't I know what you think ?Don’t look at me as a permanent office here, I can see every move of 091! It’s just that since the day we enlisted in the army, we can’t help ourselves. You will encounter such a painful choice sooner or later, but I don’t want it to be Now. You are so persistent, I really did not expect it. Remember, we are soldiers first, and then we are individuals. In the face of national interests, we always have only one choice, no exceptions!"

Minister Chen's words made me suddenly feel ashamed. My personal desires have made me completely forget my responsibilities.I used to think that Minister Chen was always smiling. Behind that smile, there was so much sadness, so much helplessness, and it turned out that supporting this country required so much sacrifice.It turned out that the introspection Mr. Lei said was the greatest love for me personally.I lowered my head and said nothing, no more anger. Minister Chen pushed the order letter to me: "Sign it and mature. My child, there will be many choices like this in the future. This is just the beginning. You have to go on the path you choose, and go on without hesitation! Don't worry! Well, we are not fascists, as long as Miyuki is in 091, I will take special care of her, like my own child. Our current choice is only for the benefit of the country, and we can only wrong you and Miyuki!"

Meixing's voice and smile and Minister Chen's words alternated in my mind. It was difficult to choose, but I had to choose. Although there may be many answers, for me, there is only one correct one.Maybe Yang Yang was the same as me back then, but he chose the wrong answer, I am not Yang Yang, I can't be wrong! I stood in front of Minister Chen with my head down for a long, long time, and finally signed my name on the opinion report of the medical department with trembling hands. At that moment, I seemed to hear Mei Xing's crying. Gone away from me... And at that moment, I have completely become a machine...

After signing, I straightened my clothes, saluted Minister Chen with a standard military salute, and walked out of his office silently, feeling as if I had knocked over a five-flavored bottle in my heart. Human emotions can be so complicated, so complicated that words can’t express it. Express. When I was about to leave the house, I heard Minister Chen's sigh. That sigh and Mei Xing's cry in my head were like two sharp knives, deeply pierced into my heart... On February 17, 1966, the twenty-eighth day of the Lunar New Year, at 10 o'clock in the evening, Minister Chen saw us off in the 091 compound. Zhang, Datou, Meixing and the four security guards from Group 15 went to perform the task. Before meeting with Mr. Lei, I was fully responsible for everything.

Facing the wind and snow all over the sky, we went all the way north. No matter who is waiting for us, as long as it hinders the interests of the country, we will definitely crush it to pieces without hesitation! We traveled day and night, and the special pass on the army gave us a lot of care along the way. The only thing that could not take care of us was the weather. The further north we went, the stronger the wind and snow. It was still unknown whether we could enter the mountain under such weather. I can't tell what kind of mood I am in. The leader entrusted me with the command task. This is the real test. I need to be responsible for everything. No mistakes, no hesitation, no feelings are allowed!

Now that we have embarked on the road to the Northeast, Dazhang and Datou, I and I are tacitly aware that the prerequisite for coming here is to sign the damn report from the medical department, which is something we are unwilling to mention in our hearts.Dazhang told me in private that Minister Chen just showed them the report, when he decided to sign it, and when he could come back. Dazhang smoked two packs of cigarettes a day, and the choice I faced was equally painful for both of them, the difference was only in degree. The two of them took turns driving, and they tried their best to keep Miyuki and me in the backseat of the car that was not see through. There is only so much care and help they can give me now. Meixing knew nothing about all this, without the constraints of the leader, and her dream of being able to transform her body back, she showed unprecedented ease.This person seems to be really simple, he has long forgotten all the unhappiness in 091, and sometimes he even made some jokes on me that he learned from Da Zhang. And I can only perfunctory with a forced smile, I just hope that our convoy will slow down a little bit, even if this happy time is just an illusory dream, I also hope it can be longer, longer. As we got closer and closer to the scene of the incident, Miyuki's words became a little strange, and her memory seemed to recover, but her memory made me feel inexplicable. "Is it true that China, the United States and the Soviet Union won World War II?" "I really had a previous life, and we were really together in the previous life!" "When I woke up, the whole world changed!" This kind of strange words appeared more and more times in her mouth. Datou initially analyzed this behavior as a memory disorder, but Meixing didn't seem to have any obstacles when she said these words. What makes me even more anxious is that Meixing's unreliable memories are getting clearer, but the memory of the blood base is still almost blank. A week later, on a winter night, we finally approached Bishui County, and from a distance, we could already see the lights in the county surrounded by mountains. I was driving that night, Da Zhang and Mei Xing were in the back seat, and the people from the second local team came to pick us up, and I needed to come forward and sign. The liaison officer of the second group picked us up on schedule at the appointed time, without too many pleasantries, the hostel and cafeteria were well arranged, since this is not the big spot of 091, we could only live in the government hostel. The liaison officer, surnamed Zheng, was very young. He briefly briefed us on the situation at the guest house, saying that during the Spring Festival, there were almost no outsiders.Mr. Lei has already brought people to the Hongqi Forest Farm, and when he got there, the contact was temporarily interrupted.The leader of the forest farm said Mr. Lei brought people into the mountains. It is not rational to go into the mountains in this season and weather conditions, but the mission is special, so he can't ask too many questions. He can only wait for our news here.The internal reference situation we investigated has been notified to the local public security organ, and there will be special personnel there to receive us tomorrow. After everything was arranged, Xiao Wang left the guest house, he had his own place to go. Comrades in Group 2 have already arranged Meixing's room properly, with thick curtains to ensure that no sunlight will penetrate into the room even on a sunny day. These meticulous work have been done long ago. The continuous cloudy and snowy weather is good for Meixing, at least there is no sunshine. The meteorological department also assured us that there will be no sunny days in the next week, and everything is proceeding step by step. Everyone worked very hard. After a short rest, we went to the canteen in the center of the county seat. The chefs in the canteen seemed to have received the notice from above and had already prepared meals for us.The little leader of the cafeteria is a fat man, obviously he knows we have a background, very thoughtful and enthusiastic.