Chapter 9 Chapter Seven Shuaik enlists in the army

When the Austrian army retreated from the forest on the banks of the Leber River in Galicia (1), and the Austrian army formed in Serbia was also suffering the defeat they deserved, the Austrian War Department suddenly planned to use Schweik. Try to save the empire from danger. When Schweik was informed that he was given a week to undergo a medical examination, he was lying in bed with a relapse of rheumatism. Mrs. Moeller was in the kitchen making him coffee. "Mrs. Moeller," said Schweik in a quiet voice from the bedroom, "Mrs. Moeller, come here." When the maid stood by his bed, Schweik said in the same quiet voice: "Please sit down, Mrs. Moller."

There was a mysterious solemnity in his voice. After Mrs. Moller sat down, Schweik got up from the bed and said, "I'm going to join the army." "For God's sake!" cried Mrs. Moeller, "what are you doing there?" "War," said Schweik in a dark voice. "The situation in Austria is critical. On the northern front, our main force is being sucked in to defend Krakow⑵. On the southern front, if we don't act quickly, they will occupy the whole of Hungary. No matter how you look at it, the situation It's all bad, and that's why they called me up. Really, it was in the papers yesterday that our lovely country was covered in clouds and fog!"

"But your feet don't touch the ground yet!" "That's all right, Mrs. Moller. I'm going into the army in a wheelchair. You know the candy store owner on the corner, he has the kind of stuff I want. Years ago, he used his wheelchair to push his crippled leg Grandpa--and a grumpy old fellow at that--to change the air. Mrs. Moeller, you push me into the Army in one of those wheelchairs!" Mrs. Moeller wept. "Sir, I'd better find you a doctor!" "No need. I'm a good cannon fodder except for my legs, which are useless. And now that the Austrian state is in crisis, every disabled person should go to his post. You just go and make coffee."

Mrs. Moeller ran out the door to find the doctor.When the doctor came an hour later, Schweik was dozing off.When he awoke, a heavyset gentleman was pressing his hand on his forehead and saying, "Don't worry, I'm Dr. Pawick from Vinorade—hold out your hand— —tuck this thermometer under your arm—yes, that’s it—look at your tongue—stick it out a little more—don’t move—what did your parents die of?” Therefore, when Vienna (3) called on all the nations in the Austro-Hungarian Empire to set a practical example of loyalty to the king and serving the country, Dr. Pawick was driving bromide (4) for Schweik’s patriotic enthusiasm and asked the handsome and brave soldier Schweik Don't think about enlisting.

"Continue to maintain the supine position, so that you can rest and rest. I will come back tomorrow." He came the next day and in the kitchen asked Mrs. Moller how the patient was doing. "Much better, doctor," she replied with genuine concern. "He had another rheumatism attack during the night. Guess what, he's singing the Austrian national anthem." Dr. Pawick had to add more bromide to deal with the patient's new manifestations of defiance. On the third day Mrs. Moller said Schweik got worse. "Doctor, in the afternoon he asked me to go out and find a map showing what he called the battlefield. In the evening he began to think about it. He said that Austria would definitely win."

In two days, Schweik had to report to the Physical Examination Committee for Young Adults. During this period, Schweik made proper preparations.First, he asked Mrs. Moller to buy him a military cap.Then he told her to go to the corner candy store to borrow the wheelchair that the proprietor used to push his crippled grandpa—the grumpy old fellow—for air.He also remembered that he needed a pair of crutches.It so happened that the owner of the candy store also kept a pair, as a family memorial to their great-grandfather. Now he lacks the bouquets that young men wear on their breasts.This, Mrs. Moller also arranged for him.Mrs. Moller saw that she had lost a lot of weight in the past few days, and she wiped tears wherever she went.

Thus, on one unforgettable day, the following moving example of loyalty to the country appeared on the streets of Prague: an old woman pushed a wheelchair, and on it sat a man in a service cap, the visor of which was wiped clean Bright, waving a pair of crutches in his hand, and a bouquet of dazzling flowers on his coat. This man kept waving his ax and shouted along the streets of Prague: "Call to Belgrade! Call to Belgrade!" A crowd followed, mainly disregarded bums, who had gathered in front of the house where Schweik was leaving to enlist. When Schweik proved to the inspector with an official document that he was indeed called to meet the medical examination committee that day, the inspector seemed a little disappointed.In order to stop him from disturbing the law and order, two mounted policemen escorted Schweik and his wheelchair to the medical examination committee.

Regarding this matter, the "Prague Official News" published the following record: Disabled people are enthusiastic and patriotic. Yesterday, passers-by on the streets of Prague witnessed a touching story.When this country is in crisis, it is sufficient proof that the men of our country are eager to serve their aging monarch wholeheartedly.Our country today has the ancient style of Greece and Rome. Although Simtus Scavola's hand was burned, he still led his army to fight bravely.Yesterday, a disabled person with a cane in one hand sat in a wheelchair and was pushed forward by an old woman. This scene is a moving expression of sacred emotion.Although the children of the Czech Republic are disabled, they still voluntarily join the army in order to sacrifice their wealth and life for our monarch.All the main streets of Prague applaud his call "Go to Belgrade!", which is a good example of the enthusiasm of the people of Prague for their country and royal family.

The "Prague Daily" also described it in a similar style, and finally concluded that this disabled volunteer who joined the army was followed by a group of Germans, who protected him with their bodies to prevent him from being beaten by Czech agents of the Allied Powers. The "Bohemia" carried the news and demanded that the disabled patriot should be rewarded, and said that any German citizen who wanted to give a gift to the unknown hero could send it directly to the newspaper. . The Chairman of the Medical Examination Committee, Dr. Bowz, has never allowed people to mess around.

In the past two and a half months, among the 11,000 strong men who have been inspected by him, 10,999 were found to be pretending to be ill and trying to avoid military service, and the remaining one, when Dr. Bows shouted " Kehrteuch!" (7), if the unfortunate fellow hadn't suffered a stroke, he would have been arrested likewise. "Take away this sick deserter!" Dr. Bows said after confirming that the man was dead. On that unforgettable day, Schweik stood in front of him. "Because of the insufficiency of the nerves, the physique is of the lowest class," said the Sergeant Chief while flipping through the files.

"Is there anything else wrong with you?" asked Dr. Bows. "Report sir, I have rheumatism, but I am broken to pieces, and I want to serve the emperor." Shuaike said humbly. "My knee is swollen." Booz gave the good soldier Schweik a fierce look, and shouted: "Siesindein Simulant!"⑻ Then he said coldly to the sergeant commander: "Den Kerlsogleicheinsperren!"⑼ Two soldiers took Schweik to the military prison with bayonet guns in. Mrs. Moeller waited for Schweik on the bridge with her wheelchair in hand.When she saw him being escorted by bayonets, she shed tears, turned around and walked away, leaving the wheelchair behind and never went back to pick it up again. The bayonet gleamed in the sun, and when he reached the monument to Redidzki⑽, Schweik turned his head and shouted to the crowd following him: "Shoot to Belgrade! Hit to Belgrade!" Admiral Reditzki on the monument looked down at the good soldier Schweik with his dreamy eyes, watching him limping away on two old crutches, with a bouquet of flowers for recruits in his coat pocket .His escorts sullenly told passers-by that they were taking a deserter to prison. ------------- (1) Galicia is in the south of Poland and was occupied by the Austro-Hungarian Empire before World War I. ⑵ Krakow was the capital of Poland at that time, in the province of Galicia. (3) Vienna was the political center of the Austro-Hungarian Empire at that time. ⑷ Bromide is a tranquilizer. (5) At that time, Belgrade was the capital of Serbia, which is now the capital of Yugoslavia. ⑹Mutus Scavola was a hero of the Roman Empire in the sixth century BC. ⑺The Entente refers to Britain and France. ⑻ German, meaning: "Turn backward!" The author used German here and in the following places to express the identity of the Austrian ruler. ⑼German, meaning: "You pretended to be sick to avoid military service!" ⑽German, meaning: "Put this guy up immediately!" ⑾ Reditzki (1766-1858), Austrian general.