Chapter 18 Part 3 Losing the Bank of London - 4

Suddenly, I felt a wave of fear hit me head-on, and I almost sat down on the bed.Ah, it must not be like this. She saw The Daily World, didn't she? That's what she was talking about.I gripped the handle of the receiver tightly, my heart beating wildly, eager to explain the matter and tell her that what the paper said was exaggerated and made up.Half of it is completely fabricated; this article does not mean that I am not qualified for my professional work... But I don't know where to start with this.I even find it a little hard to say. "Okay, let's keep in touch again," Kent said, "I'm sorry this temporary delay disrupted your schedule for today-I will let Megan call you later..."

"Okay!" I said, trying to sound natural and relaxed, "So, when do you think we can reschedule?" "Well, I really can't say... I'm sorry, Becky. I've got to be busy with other things. There's something wrong with this script. Thanks for calling. Enjoy the rest of your trip!" There was no sound on the other end of the phone, and I slowly put down the receiver. This audition seems to have been wasted.They don't want me anymore, that's obvious. And I bought new clothing and other necessities. Oh my God.Oh my God. I was panting slightly, and for one horrible moment, I felt like I was going to burst into tears.

But I thought about my mother - I had to force myself to pull myself together.I can't give up on myself.I have to be strong and fight hard. HLBC isn't the only fish in the sea, either.There are many people vying for me.Lots of people! I mean, like... Greg Walters.He said he wanted me to meet the head of their production department, right? Probably something he can arrange today.Yes! Maybe later today, I'll have a show I'm photogenic hosting! I immediately dug up Greg's phone number, dialed it hastily, and to my delight, the call went through.That's it.It's a direct line.

"Hi! Greg? I'm Becky Bloomwood." "Becky! Glad you called," Greg said, but his tone was distracted. "How are you?" "Hmm... that's great! It's nice to meet you yesterday," I said, and I noticed that my voice was a little shrill because of nervousness. "I'm very interested in the ideas you mentioned." "Well, that's good. So you're happy with your trip to New York, aren't you?" "Yes! Satisfied!" I took a deep breath. "Greg, you said yesterday that you wanted me to meet the head of your production department—"

"Of course!" Greg said. "I think Dave would be delighted to meet you. We all think you're very talented and wonderful." I feel a burst of relief.Thank goodness.it's really- "Well, next time you're in New York," Greg went on, "be sure to call me and we'll make some arrangements." I stared blankly at the receiver, a wave of panic passing through my heart.Next time I come to New York? What year and month will that be? Maybe I won’t come to New York again.he's not- "Is that the deal?" "Um... well," I said, trying not to sound disappointed, "that's fine!"

"Maybe we'll meet next time I'm in London." "Okay!" I said cheerfully. "Hope to see you in London. So... goodbye. Nice to meet you!" "Nice to meet you too, Becky!" The phone hung up, still with the smirk on my face.Tears gushed out of my eyes, and slowly trickled down to my cheeks, drawing sad tear stains on my makeup-painted cheeks. I sat alone in my hotel room and the hours ticked by slowly.Lunch time came and went quietly, and I didn't even have the heart to eat.During this time, I just listened to the messages on the phone and deleted them one by one, leaving only my mother's message, and I listened to my mother's message over and over again.Damn that message was from her as soon as she saw that article in the Daily World.

"Honey," she said in that message, "here's a piece of bullshit that people get a little bit mad about. You don't mind about it. Remember, Becky, this paper is going to be thrown in the trash tomorrow. went in the basket." For some reason, hearing Mom say that always makes me laugh out loud.I sat in the room, crying for a while, and laughing through tears for a while. There were little tears dripping on my dress, and I didn't even bother to wipe it off with a tissue. Oh my gosh, I want to go home.I just sat on the carpet like this, leaning forward and backward slightly from time to time, letting the recent events replay in my mind, watching them over and over again.How could I be so stupid? What should I do now? How should I meet people? How will I live the rest of my life?

I feel like I've been on a crazy rollercoaster these days since arriving in New York.It's like being on one of those magical spinning rides at Disneyland - only instead of dancing wildly through the air, you're spinning wildly in circles between shops, hotels, meet and greets and lunches, with lights all around you Brilliant, dazzling, and people kept telling me I was the star of tomorrow. I didn't think that it was all false, but I believed it to be true, and I made bitter fruit for myself. After staying for a long time, I finally heard the sound of the door opening. I couldn't help but feel a kind of anticipation and an urgent urge to throw myself into Luke's arms, cry bitterly, and listen to his comfort.But when Luke came in, I felt myself cowering in fear again.He had a sullen face with a dignified expression, as if his face had been chiseled out of stone.

"Hi," I finally said, "I...I was wondering where you were today." "I had lunch with Michael," Luke said shortly, "was at a meeting in the morning." He took off his coat and hung it carefully on a hanger, while I watched him nervously. "So..." I almost didn't dare to ask him how things were going, "Is it okay?" "Not very good, not very good." I felt a twitch in my stomach.What does that mean? Should...shouldn't... "Did it... blew it?" I finally mustered up the courage to say this out of my mouth.

"Good question," Luke said, "The Jetty Slade company said they still need some time to think about it." "Why do they have time to think?" I asked, licking my dry lips with my tongue. "They still have some concerns," Luke said calmly, "but they didn't say what they were." He yanked off his tie and began to unbutton his shirt.Oh my God, he doesn't even look at me, like he can't bring himself to look away. "So, you..." I swallowed, "do you think they saw that article?" "Well, I guess so," Luke said.There was such a hidden worry in his voice, which made my heart tighten. "Yes, I dare say they did."

He tugged to undo the last button.Suddenly, in a fit of desperation, he snapped the thread, and the button fell off. "Luke," I said with some desperation, "I...I'm so sorry. I don't know what to do." I took a deep breath, "I'm willing to do everything I can." "It's nothing." Luke said flatly. He walked into the bathroom, and after a while, the sound of shower water came from the bathroom.I sat very still.I can't think quietly.I felt that I was frozen, as if I was lying on the edge of a cliff, and if I moved, I would turn over and fall into this abyss. Finally Luke came out of the bathroom, still acting as if I wasn't in the room.He put on a pair of black trousers and a black turtleneck sweater.He poured himself a glass of wine, but remained silent.Outside the window is the street view of tall buildings in Manhattan.The sky was getting late, and the twilight climbed into the sky, and the windows of the tall buildings were lit up with little lights, and the distance and the near were integrated.But my world is framed in this room, bounded by four walls.I suddenly realized that throughout the whole day, I hadn't even stepped out of the room. "I didn't go to the audition today," I finally said. "Really." Luke said, but his tone was very flat, and he didn't look interested at all.Despite my restraint, I still feel a little bit of resentment. "You don't even want to ask why?" I said, tugging at the fringe on the edge of one of the cushions.After a while of silence, Luke finally spoke, as if forced through his teeth. "why?" "Because nobody's interested in me anymore." I brush my hair back with my hands. "Luke, there are other people suffering besides you. All my chances are gone. No one wants to talk to me anymore." A wave of humiliation hit me, and I thought about all the messages on the phone that politely canceled meetings or lunch appointments. "I know it's all my fault," I continued, "I know. But even so..." My voice started to choke, and I took a deep breath, "I'm having a hard time, too." I looked up. He scowled - but Luke still didn't move. "You... won't you sympathize with me?" "Be sympathetic," Luke repeated flatly. "I know I did it to myself..." "You're right! You did it yourself!" Luke broke out suddenly, his tone was agitated and hurried, and he finally turned to look at me. "Becky, no one is forcing you to go shopping and spend that much money! I mean, I know you like to shop. But for God's sake, it's irresponsible to spend like water. You can't Do you hold back?" "I don't know!" I argued, shaking all over, "maybe. But I didn't expect it to be this scary, did I? I didn't know being followed, Luke. I didn't mean to. "To my horror, tears flowed down my face again without knowing it. "You know, I didn't hurt anyone. I didn't kill. Maybe I'm being naive..." "Too naive. That's a weak word in these days." "Well, even if I'm naive! But I haven't committed a crime—" "Don't you think it's a crime to let an opportunity slip by?" Luke said angrily. "For me..." He shook his head. "My God, Becky! They all had good plans in New York." He clenched his fists tightly. "But now, look at both of us. It's all because you're so obsessed with shopping—" "Crazy?" I yelled.I felt that I could no longer bear his stern, reproachful gaze. "I'm crazy? What about you?" "What do you mean?" he asked dejectedly. "You're obsessed with work! Same thing when you come to New York! When you read that bullshit, the first thing you think about is not me...not how I feel, right? The first thing you think about is how it will affect To your career!" My voice also got higher and higher. "All you care about is your own success and mine always comes second. I mean, you don't even bother to tell me about your New York plans until after the fact! You just want I will...follow your footsteps and do what you imagined. No wonder Alicia said I was following your ass!" "You're not following my ass," he said impatiently. "Yes, I'm running around after your ass! You see me that way, don't you? I'm just a nobody who has to... follow your grand plan. I'm so stupid, I just I know to follow..." "I don't have time for your noise," Luke said, standing up. "You don't have time!" I burst into tears, "Susie spends more time with me than you! You don't have time to get to Tom's wedding; our vacation turns into a work meeting where you meet with clients; you don't have time to meet my parents..." "I don't have that much time!" Luke yelled suddenly, leaving me speechless. "I can't sit and chat with you like Susie." He shook his head helplessly, "You don't know how I work hard day and night! You don't know how important this plan is!" "Why does it matter so much?" I heard myself screaming, "Why come to America and make it so important? To please your disgusting mother cow? If You want to please her, Luke, then I'll walk! She'll never look down on anyone else. Never! I mean, she won't even bother to meet you! OMG, you bought a Herms scarf to give away For her—and she can't adjust her schedule to see you for five minutes!" I closed my mouth, panted, and remained silent. I glanced at Luke, who was staring at me, gray and angry. "What did you say about my mother?" he said slowly. "This... I didn't mean it." I swallowed, trying to keep my voice steady. "I just thought... there's a measure. I just shopped a little too much..." "Slightly more shopping," Luke repeated tartly, "and said a little more shopping." He stared at me for a while -- then unexpectedly walked over to where I kept all my belongings I reached out and opened the door without a word, and we both stared blankly at the shopping bags stacked on top of each other. I can't help feeling sick to my stomach looking at the sight in front of me. The goods that looked so beautiful and exciting when I bought them in the store are now like a lot of bulging garbage bags.I can't even tell what's in those shopping bags.They're all just... something.Piles of something. Luke still didn't say a word, and closed the cupboard door, and I felt ashamed, as if I'd been drowned in boiling water. "I know," I said, in a voice as weak as a whisper, "I know. I did it to myself. I have nothing to say." I turned away, unable to bear his menacing gaze any longer.All of a sudden, I wanted to get outside, to escape from Luke, from the anguished image of me in the mirror, from all the nightmarish memories of the day. "I...I'll go out for a while." I murmured, without looking back, I walked out of the room. The downstairs bar is dimly lit, giving people a soothing and inclusive feeling.I sat down on a wide leather chair, feeling weak and shaking like I had a high fever.A waiter came up and I asked for a glass of orange juice, but the waiter was about to leave when I stopped him and replaced the orange juice with brandy.A moment later, the waiter brought a large glass of brandy, which tasted warm and refreshing, and I took a few sips—when I felt a figure approaching me at the table, Can't help but look up.The figure was Michael Ellis.My heart sank.At this point I'm not in the mood to talk to him at all. "Hi," he said, "may I sit down?" He pointed to the chair across from me, and I nodded reluctantly.He sat down in his chair and looked at me kindly while I finished my drink in one gulp.For a short while, neither of us spoke. "I could also say nothing out of politeness," he said at last, "or tell you the truth bluntly—that is, I'm sorry for what happened this morning. Your British papers are vicious. You can't treat people like this." "Thank you." I murmured. A waiter came up and Michael ordered two brandies without asking me. "What I can tell you is that people are not fools," he said after the waiter had gone, "and no one will judge you for it." "Someone has already done that," I said, staring blankly at the table. "My audition for HLBC was canceled." "Ah," said Michael after a moment's pause, "I'm sorry to hear that." "Nobody was interested in me anymore. They were all saying they had 'decided to go the other way' or they 'didn't think I was a good fit for the US market' and... you know that. It was all about, 'go away'. " How I longed to tell Luke those words.I longed to be able to pour out all the grievances and resentments in my heart--looking forward to Luke hugging me tightly and comforting me, as my parents, or Suzie, comforted me and said that it was their fault, not my fault.However, Luke's behavior just made my mood worse.He was right - I let the opportunities slip by, didn't I? Those were the ones that people were fighting over to get, and I wasted them. Michael nodded seriously. "As often happens," he said, "I'm afraid those idiots are like a herd of sheep. If one is frightened, the rest will be frightened." "I feel like I screwed up everything," I said, feeling my throat tighten. "I was going to get this amazing job and Luke was going to be a big hit with his plans. It was going to be so good. I screwed it all up. It was all my fault." To my complete surprise, tears flowed out of my eyes, and I couldn't stop them at all.I couldn't help sobbing.Oh, this is so embarrassing. "I'm sorry," I whispered, "that's really ugly." I covered my burning face with my hands, hoping that Michael Ellis would consider the embarrassing situation and slip away, leaving me alone to calm down.Instead, I felt someone tap me on the shoulder and a handkerchief tucked between my fingers.I wiped away my tears with that cool towel, feeling much relieved, and slowly raised my face. "Thanks," I said, still a little out of breath, "I made you laugh." "It's nothing," Michael said calmly, "It would be the same with me." "Oh, really." I murmured. "You didn't see how I felt when I lost a contract. My eyes would cry out. My secretary would run out every half hour to get me tissues." He said it so solemnly, I couldn't help but smile slightly. "Okay, have some brandy," he said, "and get back to your question. Did you invite The Daily World to take a photo with a telephoto lens?" "No." "Did you give them an exclusive interview on your personal habits and agree to such an insulting headline?" "No." I couldn't help but chuckle. "Then," he made a funny face at me, "it's all your fault, because..." "I was so naive. I should have realized. I should...would have known what they were up to. I was so stupid." "You're just unlucky." He shrugged. "Maybe a little silly. But you don't have to take the blame all on yourself." Something was beeping in his pocket, and he reached into his pocket for the phone, "I'm sorry," he said, turning to answer the phone. "Hi, it's me." He whispered something into the phone, and I repeatedly folded a piece of paper to place the plate in my hand.I wanted to ask him something--but didn't dare to hear the answer. "Sorry," Michael said, putting the phone aside.He glanced at my messy folded paper, "Feeling better?" "Michael..." I took a deep breath, "did it be my fault that your plans were thwarted? I mean, did the Daily World thing come in and mess up your plans? " He gave me a serious look, "We're open and honest, aren't we?" "Yes," I said, feeling uneasy. "We talk openly and honestly." "So, frankly, I think it's kind of a motivator," Michael said. "There's been a mix of reactions to that this morning. Some of it's 'oh, that's funny' kind of banter. .I'll have to let Luke see what to do, and Luke's coping pretty well." I stared at him, feeling a chill all over my body. "Luke didn't tell me that." Michael shrugged. "I don't think he wants to say that again." "Then it's all my fault." "Well." Michael shook his head, "I didn't say that." He leaned back on the seat back. "Becky, if our plan is really good, it should be able to withstand such a small twists and turns. I guess Jetty Slade Company borrowed your little... embarrassing situation as a An excuse. There should be a more important reason, but they just didn't say it." "what is it then?" "Who knows? A rumor about a London bank? A difference in business philosophy? For some reason, they don't seem to have enough confidence in the whole plan." I stared blankly at him, thinking about what Luke had said. "Did they really think Luke was out of control?" "Luke is a very capable man," Michael said cautiously, "but there are things that are not planned that bother him. He can be too persistent. I told him so this morning, and he has priorities .Obviously the London Bank is a problem. He's got to talk to them about it and reassure them. Frankly, if he loses them, he's going to be in a lot of trouble." He leaned forward a little. "If you ask me, I'd say he should be flying back to London this afternoon." "Then what is he going to do?" "He's scheduled meetings with every New York investment bank I've ever heard of." He shook his head. "The kid seems to have decided that he has to make a big splash in America." "I think he was hoping to prove something," I murmured.To his mother, I almost didn't say it. "So, Becky," said Michael, looking at me kindly, "what are you going to do next? Try to arrange some more meetings?" "No," I said, after a moment's hesitation, "to be honest, I don't think that would make much sense." "So, still here with Luke?" The image of Luke's stern face flitted through my mind, and I felt as if I had been stabbed in the heart. "I don't think there's much point in that," I said, taking a swig of brandy and trying to put on a smile on my face. "What do you think I'm thinking? I'm thinking I'd better go home."