Chapter 48 dangerous state

At this moment, I feel guilty about my writing, every time a book comes out, every time.If I must be in the state I am in, I should not write.If I am no longer in danger of intoxication, which I cannot bear, I may not write.I often say this to myself, as if I can still hold on.This is a dangerous state. Please don't mind me saying extreme things about alcohol treatment.Despite treatment, the old disease may recur and start again.That night, it came again.Do nothing.Alcoholism is inherently irrational.