Chapter 47 October 82

In recent months, after waking up, I stopped drinking coffee and went straight to whiskey or wine. After drinking wine, I often vomited-the kind of mucus that alcoholics vomit in the morning-and the wine I just drank also vomited out, and immediately Continue to drink wine.Generally speaking, after vomiting for the second time, the vomiting will stop, so I feel much better.Jan, like me, also drank in the morning, I don't think he drank much, yes, less. Since he came to Trouville in August 1980, he has been drinking every evening, and he has been like this until I was admitted to the American hospital.He's also gaining weight; I don't know why he wants to drink with me, at the same time.I don't think he saw that I was dying.I believe I remember someone saying this to him, probably Michel Manceau, saying, "You don't see, she's dying."

She ① invited a friend of hers, a Jew from Moldavia—Daniel, kind regards to you—but I think there is always time later.They insisted that I make up my mind to make a decision, and that I put it in writing. ①That is Michel Manceau. Yang also urged me to set a time every day, so one day, I set a date, and I said: October, early October of 1982. They called and booked a ward. When I wrote these words: October, early October, I was afraid, and I am still afraid now. Danielle warned me in advance.Said to me, "I have to tell you: it's very painful. You have no other way to think about it. You can't get out alone, you know." I know.

So, I was forewarned that this treatment was very uncomfortable and very painful.In fact, I have no other words to compare it to.Now, I know.If anyone is the first to understand this American cure called "cold turkey slap in the face", he will never make up his mind to accept it, nor will he propose a date, never, he will definitely run away. As soon as I got into the taxi, I saw Danielle crying and hurried out the door, and I knew that I had finally signed and pledged on something that was not good for me.On this day, I also drank a lot.In a trance, I still laughed at them waiting to see the good ones. Later, well, when I got into the taxi, I saw that Yang's panic continued unabated. It was terrible, and the matter had already been decided.Suddenly, my legs also became swollen, which made me panic even more, and I don't know why.

At eight o'clock at night, I was alone in the ward of the American hospital.Yang is not allowed to stay.I'm very sorry, I'm writing this in such a breath, and I don't know if you have figured out the interrelationship of each fact, so let it go. One thing remained unmoved, and that was the most important thing, and that was the fear that had started again.I heard with my own ears that it was time to go back to therapy.I know it's nothing, a sip of spirits, just a rum candy.Shortly before Jan's arrival in Trouville, I had noticed, among other things, in a closet near the door, a wine bottle, which I thought was an empty one, but there were about three more in it. Refers to a lot of absinthe.I kept thinking about it for two days after that, and then every night, maybe eight days, ten days, I couldn't stop thinking about it.Then I drank it.Afterwards Jan came and I told him to buy wine: started drinking again, for the third time.Now, I'm in my third no-alcohol period here.I have already told you this.

On the night of arriving at the American hospital, I hoped to be able to fall asleep with sleeping pills, but at 4 o'clock, I still hadn't fallen asleep.It suddenly occurred to me that there was no strong alcohol in the ward, so I became more and more afraid, and the more I was afraid, the more I thought about it.Soon I came up with a plan to get out as soon as possible before I passed out, knowing that I would not be able to overcome this level: call a taxi, go to Porte Maillot, go to a bar and have a glass of wine, and then sit That taxi comes back.Unknowingly.So I got up, put on my clothes, and kept silent. Suddenly, the female nurse appeared in front of me, and I didn't hear her running.I yelled and said to her: "Alcoholic coma, I'm in danger, you know." The nurse said to me: "Ma'am, there's alcohol, I'll bring you a glass." This was already announced.This is my last glass of wine, October 82.

Dangerous things should never fall into your hands.I know it's okay not to drink.