Chapter 28 Section VI

My sister is getting thinner.Hollow's eyes, looking at this side from the bed in the ward, gradually sunken as if being drawn in from the inside, and his cheekbones protruded.The lips became smaller, the teeth were exposed, and the sound of the wind seemed to be heard in the chest.My sister continued to lose weight, getting thinner and thinner, her ribs were clearly visible through her shirt, her chicken claw-like wrist stretched out into the void, as if trying to grab something, but it slumped down without touching anything. My sister finally withered into a dry stem and stopped moving.

When I opened my eyes, white light was already reflected on the curtains. Sweat was all over his neck, his heart felt stuffy as if it had been seized, and his upper lip was wet with snot. It must be because of the encyclopedia that this dream occurred. Back at the office last night, I asked Youhui if she had an encyclopedia.Youhui said that I was at home, so I went there, borrowed the "し" item and went back to the apartment. What I'm looking for is the entry "esophageal cancer".Many things that I didn't want to know are written on it.Symptoms in patients with esophageal cancer—difficulty swallowing, weight loss, etc.This kind of cancer is easy to transfer to the lymph, and it is also easy to spread to the surrounding area. It is extremely difficult to cure the cancer of the digestive tract system.The five-year survival rate is only ten percent.

how is this possible.It is impossible for my sister to get esophageal cancer.Didn't she say it was a polyp?But when cancer is found in a patient, isn't there a lot of cases where doctors don't tell themselves according to the severity of the disease?In TV dramas, it is often told to family members instead.From the time my sister was hospitalized until yesterday, my mother was called to the hospital by the doctor. Did you hear the real illness from the doctor? ——I heard from my mother today—— Speaking of which, my mother went to the hospital that day. ——What will you do if I'm gone? ——

Why did my sister say that?Just talking casually?Is there no meaning?No, from the attitude of the doctor and mother, my sister noticed something, didn't she? ——What will you do if I'm gone? —— gone. If not. I don't even want to think about it, but— ——My sister’s esophagus doesn’t look like a fried egg, does it? —— --how is this possible-- At that time, my sister replied really quickly. ——Can I still see the hydrangeas in the school? —— Is the hydrangea that my sister mentioned is this year's hydrangea?Or do you mean all the hydrangeas that bloom outside the hospital?

It was already evening when I went to the hospital. On the table by the hospital bed, yesterday's hydrangeas reflected the fluorescent light.My sister fell asleep quietly.Cover the quilt to the chest, put your hands on it.It was a thin wrist that couldn't even be pressed down. Taking care not to wake her up, I sat down gently on the chair.Her breathing was so weak that she couldn't hear it with her ears pricked up. There are letters from the children on the table.Probably because I have read it many times, the corner of the paper has been deformed.Behind the hydrangea is the painting.Behind the bluish-purple flowers are three human faces.The face of fifteen years ago.smiling sister.Laughing myself.The mother, who was a little nervous between the two of them, looked at this——

My mind went blank. I got up from my chair and gazed at the hydrangeas.Must be wrong, impossible. ——While thinking about this, I approached the painting.But I was not mistaken. Cried.The mother in the painting is crying.There was a tear in the left eye of the mother who looked at this side.Very sad tears.It was as if looking at the front and couldn't stand it any longer and wept silently.The mother looked at her son with tears in her eyes.It seemed that he was determined to tell something. I finally noticed. "...Is it you?" A little snail on the table raised its horns and looked at me.Tears are the marks left by this guy crawling over.

I looked at the hydrangea that had moved before, and couldn't help shouting.This guy must have been lying on the hydrangea leaves.I put the hydrangeas in front of the painting to hide it, and the snail must have crawled onto the painting along the leaves, where the mother's left eye happened to be.The snail crawled down the left eye and is now on the table and wandering around. Damn guy, play me-- I was about to blow it away in one breath, but it slowly retracted its horns and shrank back. I looked at my mother in the painting again, recalling the emotions that came to my chest just now because of the snail.

Isn't that the feeling of apology?Being stared at by the tearful mother, my chest was full of guilt, and I almost bowed my head to apologize to the portrait of my mother. "Damn guy, play me..." This time I made a sound, and my sister under the quilt moved a little, but didn't open her eyes. I remembered that I hadn't opened the box because I couldn't see the damaged piggy bank that hit the vending machine.Maybe since then, I haven't changed in any way-too ​​timid to face the truth, and I have been fooling myself for many years. In fact, I noticed it early on.

The real reason I hate my mother - not because of her change. In fact, it's just a child throwing a temper tantrum.At first, he vented his grief over the possible loss of his father to his mother.Then after his father passed away, he vented his loneliness without his father to his mother.Too sad, too lonely, who must vent it on.Otherwise, it seems that my feelings will be buried alive.Just at that time, I noticed the change in my mother, so I took advantage of it.That's all.So my sister asked me why I hated my mother, but I couldn't answer it at all.I know she's seen it through.I don't want her to point out the real reason.I am afraid.

Mothers are not cold people.I actually know very well.In order to support her son and daughter, the mother cannot frequent the hospital where the father is admitted.After my father passed away, I had to keep the shop going, please the customers, and go along with the nasty jokes.Like the older sister who held his younger brother's hand at the crematorium, the mother endured the grief.Hold back crying, stand up straight with a smile.For the future of my daughter and son. Even without the cake, the birthday dinner is bigger than usual.There is beef in the curry, soda instead of barley tea, and minced meat in the salad. More importantly, no matter how busy my mother is, she will stop her housework and say happy birthday to me.Why do people always clearly remember the things they don't want to remember, but forget the important things?

Then I noticed footsteps behind me. I looked back, and an inconspicuous outfit flashed past the entrance of the ward, and then disappeared immediately. I got up and went to the corridor to look.The mother's pudgy back was disappearing into the conversation room on the right. When the mother who came to visit her sister saw her son in the ward, she turned and left silently.My chest hurts like being stabbed by a long needle.Unable to move at all, he just stood there in the corridor and looked ahead. Mother did not come out of the conversation room. "……You came." Looking back, my sister looked at me with half-opened eyes. "What are you doing? Come here." "sister--" I was speechless for a moment.My sister tilted her head suspiciously. "Sister, you need to be cured." Subconsciously said a nonsense, my sister smiled in confusion. "It will be fine soon." If there is something to worry about, the disease will not be cured.Youhui said so.I don't know how my sister's illness is.Although I don't know, but when it comes to what I can do, it is to reassure my sister——no, not just for my sister.I should stop fooling myself. ——From a triangle to a square, it’s unbelievable—— Youke's voice seemed to be pushing me on the back.Originally, because of the death of his father, there were three people left in the family, let alone being trapped in a cage all the time.Maybe Tomoe just said that to hint at me. I take a step down the corridor.My sister stopped me. "where did you go?" "Go talk to mom." Looking at my sister's eyes suddenly widened. "Talk to her... apologize to her." I walked out of the ward before my sister responded.Espadrilles creaked faintly in the wet hallway.When I entered the conversation room, my mother who was sitting on the bench looked at me in surprise.eye contact.Mother's expression stiffened, but she still put on a smile, just like the painting fifteen years ago.This smiling face made me realize that she is really getting older.How can I apologize?Where do I start?I've cringed for so long I've run out of ideas.