Chapter 25 third quarter

I don't know what that woman did to me, but I'm definitely not afraid of S anymore.For me, S is no more than rubber crumbs or dried rice grains, not worth paying attention to.Just like a puzzle game in which moving a match can change the direction of the puppy pattern, my mood is completely different from yesterday, and it is extremely refreshing. In the classroom in the morning, I glanced into S's fair face out of the corner of my eye.Usually I just go straight to my seat and never look over there.However, today I stopped and turned my head vigorously as if deliberately trying to scare the other party, only to see S's face twitch.I was still not satisfied with this, so after looking directly at S for a few seconds, I raised the corners of my mouth as if there was nothing.Then, I deliberately slowed down and walked to my seat.

There are still traces of yesterday's three-second glue sticking to the chair.Even seeing this sight, I just feel stupid.It's too naive to play such a prank when you're bored.He has a problem with his mind: he has a mental problem, and it's time to stop doing such stupid things with him before. S is probably the smallest in the class. Although I am not very tall, my physical strength is definitely not inferior to him.Such a simple truth, how could I not have noticed before?If he comes up with inexplicable tricks to frame me again, I will kick his stomach to make him spit out the food in his stomach, and then order him to lie down.I want to step on his face, let him cry and beg and never forgive him.If he dares to resist, I will kick him. If he still resists, just kill him.

The third section is art class. The whole class is in the art classroom.The teacher gave everyone a pack of paper clay, and asked us to pinch out our favorite animals, and told us to use scrapers, toothpicks and other tools for carving details, and put them in a large box in the corner of the classroom, which we can take by ourselves.I stood in front of the workbench, tore off the plastic packaging bag for the clay, raised my chin and stared at S, who was also unpacking the paper clay package, two workbenches apart. S doesn't look at me at all, is he afraid of me?Still in the mood to think about which animal to make next? The finished product of S must be very delicate, and he is quite famous for this talent.At the exhibition held by the city government last year, his painting won a gold medal, which is a talent that is not very useful.

OK, what to do?any kind of animal?Then do S.He is like an animal, smarter than a dog, but much dumber than a monkey.Shape the paper clay into his appearance, cut it into pieces with a spatula, and stab it with a toothpick.No, it's better to set it as an S with a toothpick in the head and a scraper in the chest from the beginning, maybe it's more fun.I leave my seat and go to the tool box in the corner to pick up the necessary equipment.After returning to the workbench, I had to knead the soft paper clay first, so I pushed hard with my right palm to push away the square clay blocks on the tabletop.The paper clay was rubbed apart at once, and a thin silver thing stood out between the middle finger and the ring finger.It turned out to be the blade of a utility knife.

The right hand pressed on the paper clay suddenly lost feeling, the fingertips couldn't help shaking, and finally shook violently like a malfunctioning machine.My sight drifted away, wandering involuntarily, and then stopped somewhere. S's fair face turned to me.It's him.He hid the blade while I wasn't seated. The heart made a short sound: the pit of the heart was getting colder and colder, and the inhaled air could not be exhaled. --very scary. The fear that should have disappeared a long time ago, like the bath water that is almost full of the bathtub, will overflow from my body at any time.If I turned around suddenly, crouched down, or spoke aloud, it would splash on the floor and wash me away.

--very scary. Trembling, I pulled out the blade protruding from the paper clay.So scary, so scary, so scary.The blade fell from his hand with a short, soft click.Although the sound was very small, it was like the phone ringing while dozing off, and the cold blood flowed through the whole body instantly. On the way home that day, I stopped in front of her house. I hope she can find a way for me, I hope she can help me.I want to become able to see S again as rubber crumbs and dried rice grains, and it doesn't matter if it returns to its original state immediately.Since my father passed away, my mother drank heavily, maybe my mood is very similar to that of my mother.

A hoarse voice came from behind the sliding door lined with frosted glass.Although I couldn't hear clearly, I knew that was what she meant when she found me and asked me to go in. "...is it useless?" She was sitting in the middle, wearing yesterday's dress, her long dull hair hanging down her cheeks, looking up at me. No, what she was looking at was still not my face, but the top of my head, where there was nothing. It was very quiet outside the window, and the crow didn't seem to come today. I opened my mouth straight to the point: "Please help me again."

Same as yesterday, again. So, for the first time, a woman looked at me squarely. "Do you... know what I did yesterday?" I shook my head vaguely.She lowered her eyelashes and looked down at her skirt-covered lap for a few seconds, like an old discarded scarecrow.Then, she nodded, turned around and opened the sliding door of the closet, and dragged out a dark green cloth bag. "I'll show you... what happened to you." The woman unbuttons her bag, revealing a yellowed canvas.The difference from yesterday is that the painting is facing me, so I can see it very clearly.I knelt on the tatami and approached the canvas as if crawling.

It was a strange painting. But the painting is not bad, not only that, it seems to have come from the hands of very good people.The oil paint is like a slightly blurred photo, accurately depicting various items: a coffee cup with a mouth like a morning glory, a young man with long hair, a bright red apple, a paintbrush, a newspaper, a crying baby... what is itThe baby is holding something that looks like a big snake, is it a puppet?In addition, there are many unrelated things crowded together, each of which is quite realistic.But, it's weird.How should I put it, the whole has no center of gravity, no theme—for some reason, this painting makes me very anxious, and I feel a wave of uneasiness in my heart.The women gathered at the top of the screen are very pale in tone, almost translucent all over, and they all look exactly the same.That face, the face in front of me.is her.There are many of her in the picture.

"Here... Can you see it?" Her thin fingers caressed the canvas, stopping somewhere.There is also a faint picture of a child with his hands raised in front of his chest, his pupils wide open, his black eyes squeezed aside, and his expression frightened.A boy I also met. "Is it me?" I asked, and she nodded. "It's your fearful heart." "A heart of fear..." "It's best not to take it off too often, or you'll regret it." I thought she was joking, but there was no smile on her face. "Before, when I still had a family, my husband suddenly disappeared."

The woman caressed the canvas and suddenly talked about the past. "My husband is a painter. But... one day, he disappeared from the studio. I contacted everywhere to find out his whereabouts, but I couldn't find it. I never thought that my husband would become a painting." What is she saying? "So, I never paid attention to this painting. The first time I noticed the abnormality was when our baby was missing." The woman's fingers climbed onto the canvas again. "Here, can you see it?" The bloodless, dirty film-like fingertips compared to the baby just now.The baby cuddled with a big snake-like puppet in its arms, with its pink mouth open. "Our baby runs into this canvas." A woman told me such a story. Shortly after her husband disappeared, she let the baby play in the studio.After finishing her work in the kitchen, she didn't hear any movement. She thought the baby had fallen asleep, and when she opened the studio, she didn't see the baby.At that moment, she suddenly noticed the canvas on the floor. "Look carefully, my husband is also inside. Here, this is the man with long hair, can you recognize him?" The well-proportioned young man stands almost in the center of the frame, gazing sadly at the baby sitting beside him. "Of course, I wondered how it was possible, and even suspected that my mind was wrong. But when I came back to my senses, I actually took the coffee cup beside me and pushed it towards the canvas." "Then……" then what? "This is the coffee cup of the day." The thin fingers moved again, comparing to the coffee cup floating in the same place, which looked like a morning glory. "Then I experimented with the apples and newspapers I had. So the same thing happened. I couldn't believe my eyes, but I could only believe. Because, in fact..." The voice became smaller and smaller, and finally stopped.The woman took a deep breath as if encouraging herself, and continued while exhaling: "I don't know where my husband got the canvas. But, I do know that he and the baby ran into it and never came back. Whether it's a coffee mug, an apple, or a newspaper, it's easy to get in, and nothing happens afterwards. Can't take it out." You are optimistic.The woman said as she picked up a dirty round coin from the ground, and pinched it to the canvas with two fingers.When a round coin hits the canvas, it makes a "boom".It's nothing weird, it's like the sound a coin should make when it hits the canvas.The coin did not disappear, so the woman repeated the action just now, only hearing a "boom". Then try a third time, this time the woman pushes the coin towards the canvas suddenly with more force, it is almost useless to throw it. "what." The coins are gone. The woman looked at me, as if to make sure I had seen clearly, and then stared at the canvas, as if looking for something. "……success." I leaned over to the canvas.I couldn't see anything at first, but I squinted and looked closely, and a tiny gray round object emerged.It was a one-yuan coin. The woman straightened her upper body and continued as if telling a story: "After understanding what this canvas is, I wanted to go in and reunite with my husband and baby. I tried it with my fingers, but there was no movement at all, and I pressed harder, but it still didn't work. It was probably the same as just stuffing coins, with all my strength. Only then can it be done." said the woman, so she put the canvas on the ground and climbed onto the chair beside her. "I want to use a jumper to get in from the foot." After finishing speaking, she smiled lightly. "However, things are not that simple. I failed. Who taught me that I have no motor nerves, so I became like that." "So..." Hearing my retelling, she slowly picked up the long skirt with her right hand.Before I could react, the hem of the skirt was slowly pulled in front of me, and the scene inside the skirt gradually came into view. I froze with astonishment. "Your legs..." She has only one leg. She is like a real scarecrow, only has a right leg.On the left leg, only the section from the root of the thigh to the uneven front end remains. "When I jumped off the chair, I felt as if I fell into a small pool. Only my left leg entered the canvas smoothly." The woman lowered her skirt, turned to the canvas again, and pointed at the baby—no, no, it was the big snake puppet in the baby's arms.Upon closer inspection, it was a human leg, a genuine leg. "I was treated at my friend's hospital until the wound healed. I didn't explain much, and my friend didn't ask. Although I was seriously injured, my friend promised me not to report to the police." The woman lowered her head as if she was about to curl up, and sighed deeply. "Since then, I have become very scared. I want to go to the husband and the baby in the painting, I want to meet them, but I am terrified. I am so sad every day. So sad, so sad, so sad. But, It occurred to me that maybe this canvas could take away my sadness." There was a ding in the back of my mind.Everything that happened to me yesterday and the reason why the woman suddenly said these words are finally linked together. "It's a ridiculous idea. But if I have to say, it was ridiculous to begin with...I held up the canvas and tried to swing it over my head like a bug net. I just hoped that the Grief is locked in the canvas." "……Did you make it?" Knowing the answer, I still couldn't help asking.She nodded and stretched out her hand, and she pointed at the women side by side as I expected.The group of translucent women depicted in pastel colors all looked sad.A look that is too sad to be sad anymore. Right now, I don't have all the details.Even so, I vaguely understand what happened yesterday.I search the canvas for what I have just seen.The boy with his hands raised at a high level, his eyes wide open, his eyeballs squeezed to one side, and his expression is very frightened. "That's your fearful heart." This is my heart.The woman sealed my fear of S in the canvas. "Why do I advise you not to take it away again, do you understand?" She asked suddenly, and I shook my head silently. "Human feelings, the weight is fixed." "What's the meaning?" "So it will fade..." She blinked slowly, stroking the place where there were several sad selves. "I didn't see it, I overdid it. Over the years, whenever I felt sad, I put it on the canvas. Now, I don't feel sad about the loss of my husband and baby. Instead, I become a shell .Emotions have been drained from me like emptying the water in a bathtub. I will not be sad, scared, happy, and never will be." Emotions will fade from the mind. will become an empty shell. "Now, I don't even look the same when I do something like this. Can you see what it is?" Woman pointing to a point on the canvas.It turned out to be a black bird flying with its wings in an unnatural position. "Could it be..." The crow, the crow that pecked through the garbage bag. "Yesterday, I thought it was an eyesore, so I caught it in. Burying a living thing with my own hands, I would never have done such a cruel thing before, but now I am completely indifferent. It's just that the screams are a bit noisy, so I just throw it away. " The orange sunset shines through the window.A patch of sky beyond the glass is red and peeling like a severe burn. "It's best not to take it off too often." I finally understood what she meant. "Otherwise you will definitely regret it." Maybe I will really regret it, but I still can't help begging. "I'm so scared, I'm so scared of my friend. So, no matter what, I hope you will help me again like yesterday." The woman's sunken eyes stared at me for a long moment.Then, in a flat tone, she asked me what I was afraid of and who I was afraid of.I speak honestly about everything related to S, without reservation.As long as I can think of it, I pour out all the attacks that S has made on me in the past, and I can't stop once I open my mouth.Unknowingly, I burst into tears. After listening to my confession, the woman's answer was very simple, and completely exceeded my expectations. "In that case, just put him here." Like a pool of water that has been teased, my mind moved.The silted soil at the bottom of the pool dispersed, and the whole pool of water immediately turned a cloudy brown color.The woman said calmly: "As long as you bring him, I can help you at any time." Soon, I stepped out of the porch.There was a bag of garbage next to the entrance where the cold wind was blowing, and she lost a leg, so it must be very difficult to take it to the garbage dump.I picked up the garbage bag, intending to help her throw it at a dump on the way home.Do you collect food waste tomorrow?If you don't accept it, it's winter anyway, so it shouldn't matter.But in the end I changed my mind and put the trash bags back where they belonged. I walked in the quiet alley in the sunset, thinking as I headed towards the apartment.I kept thinking, thinking over and over again, and finally made up my mind. I want to take S there. Ask her to get rid of S. When I got back to the apartment, I found the entrance door was open. I thought I forgot to lock it when I left home for school, but then I caught a glimpse of my mother's high heels in the shoe take-off place. "It's so early today." "The evening meeting has been temporarily cancelled." My mother worked in a design firm, designing covers for books and magazines. Mom hadn't changed yet, drinking red wine in the living room. "Oh, yes, you..." Mom looked up and looked directly at me. "Do you know Mrs. X?" "Who?" □□Ma'am, mother repeats the same name. "I met the administrator downstairs just now. The administrator saw you coming out of her house yesterday evening." Because of this sentence, I finally remembered that □□ was that person’s last name.On the rusty mailbox next to the entrance, these two words were indeed written in a marker. "Have you been there?" My mother's eyes were very severe, as if she was blaming me for doing something bad.However, I didn't understand what mistake I made at all, so I just stood by the dining table and nodded silently.Mom stared at me for a while, then whispered: "No more." I didn't understand what my mother meant, so I couldn't help raising my eyebrows and stretching my neck. "That person is weird, everyone knows that. Her husband used to be a painter, and I have collaborated with him several times, but..." "Hey, mom, do you think her husband is the one who disappeared?" After listening to what I said, my mother asked "Missing?" Her expression changed. "She told you so?" "Yes. Her husband was originally a painter. One day..." I didn't know what to say, so I ended in a random way, "Suddenly disappeared." Mom let out a breath. "It's not missing, it's dead. Because of a car accident, even the baby sitting in the front seat was killed." "what……" "About five or six years ago, my mother went to the funeral. His wife also engaged in painting before, but after losing her husband and children, she became a bit weird and even committed suicide at one point." suicide…… "I haven't been doing painting work either. I heard that she hasn't paid the rent for the house you went to. The landlord feels sorry for her and is embarrassed to urge her. It's really pitiful to say it, but..." "How did she commit suicide?" I interrupted my mother.My mother seemed to be rummaging through memories. After looking up at the ceiling for a few seconds, she replied, "Jumped off a building. In my impression, I jumped from the stairwell of which building. Fortunately, it was not too high, and my feet landed first, so I saved my life." Finally, my mother regretfully added: "So, she has a leg that doesn't work."