Chapter 9 Section five

The return trip took the Shinkansen, which was the penultimate train. There are still many passengers with their families in the carriages.I pressed my forehead to the windowpane and gazed at the darkened landscape. How did S feel when he learned that his stepmother was pregnant?Although she is troubled and painful about the relationship between the two, but after all, she is carrying her own child in her womb, so she will feel a little joy, right?There is that joy hidden somewhere in my heart, but unexpectedly, the child born has a brain defect, and S can't help but think that this is an ominous mark... So, is S going crazy?

The truth is unknown. Today, the truth is unknown. The only thing that is certain is that they are extremely unfortunate people. Forty-three years ago, a terrifying beast bit through S's rib cage and flew out.However, that was no unusual beast.No matter before or now, there is such a beast inhabiting in everyone's heart.The beast hides in people's hearts, usually curled up like a fetus, will not grow up, and quietly waits for life to come to an end.However, occasionally a bait called misfortune falls to its mouth, and the beast suddenly opens its eyes and opens its mouth to gnaw, gnawing, gnawing, and gnawing, until it is covered with black hair and gains the strength to stand on four legs.Just like the change that S experienced in his heart 43 years ago.

There was a faint tingling deep in the nasal cavity, and the night in front of him gradually blurred. S should start over.Yes, you should start over.You should face your family before you lose your mind, before you ruin everything, before you create an irreparable situation.Because, maybe there is still salvation.No, there is always salvation.Although the beast cannot be wiped out, at least it can be stopped from growing. Of course, it is difficult for S to have a happy ending, but the result should be far more optimistic than the current situation. I couldn't help feeling how small and insignificant my own problems were.Enrollment, exams, low self-esteem, how boring I am to worry about such things.In fact, in the real sense, I am indeed a useless person.

Feeling the shaking of the tram in my head, I couldn't stop thinking about my family. Walking into the room, turning on the light, and throwing the empty backpack on the floor, I felt a slight air flow around me.While turning my head, white wings flew down my shoulders. Miraculously, it was the white powder butterfly.Looking down at me from the ceiling this morning, the white butterfly that flapped its wings to urge me to move, the white butterfly that encouraged me.I left without closing the door, but it stayed here?Are you waiting for me to come back? I lightly stretched out my right hand and caught the white butterfly's wings resting on the left shield with my fingertips.With a gentle pull, Bai Fandie didn't resist, and was obediently picked up by me, looking at me with her small black eyes.We looked at each other for a while, and the mouth of the white powder butterfly rolled into a circle, occasionally trembling slightly, as if pouring out secrets to me.

I pinch the soft body of the flat white butterfly with my left hand.I opened my palm and saw that there was still a foot twitching, so I threw it on the ground again and stepped on it through the sock.Because it is so small and weak, the soles of the feet do not even have any tactile sensation. This morning, I was persuaded by Bai Fandie to leave the room, thinking that what I learned about the character S and the crime he committed on the Internet had some fateful significance to me. However, that is an illusion. It doesn't make sense at all. You should do it all over again, you should face your family.This is the conclusion I have come to after a long day.However, this is worthless.To me, it's just empty talk.

I stared down at the floor.In front of him was the blood-stained tracksuit and jeans that he had taken off before leaving the room, and the chair with one leg missing was lying beside it.Looking straight up, you can see the plastic rope hanging down the lampshade. In order to prevent it from breaking, three of them are overlapped. There is no place to start over, no family to face.Grandma's neck won't go back to the way it was before it was cut open, Dad's numerous stab wounds on his chest won't go away, mom's shapeless throat won't let her breathe back, and my sister's shattered head will never recover.

Laughter came from the TV on the first floor.The silent roar, the roar of a wild beast, pierced my chest and throat like countless needles from inside me.I sat on the ground, wrapped my hands around my knees, and buried my head in them.