Chapter 5 Chapter Four

In fact, Ackland had not forgotten Jane.Just as an orderly's smile reminded him of a dead comrade, a woman's glance sometimes reminded him of Jane.Though the association didn't evoke any grief like thinking of his comrades, he hated the momentary shock they gave him.This is one of the reasons why he prefers to use male nurses. On a Friday afternoon in April, there was a knock on the door of the ward, which he thought was the cleaner.He was standing at the window, watching a woman walking along a gravel and asphalt path pushing a wheelchair with a patient with both legs amputated.The two people looked about the same age, so Aklan guessed that they were a couple: because they were facing the same direction, they couldn't see each other's faces, and their expressions represented their inner feelings. The faces all looked depressed and unhappy, and it seemed to Ackland that, anyway, their relationship was over.

"Charlie?" He recognized her voice immediately, and his reaction was so violent that he had to put his hand on the window to steady himself.He thought he was experiencing the shock again until the adrenaline kicked in and he understood that what he was experiencing was fear.He stared out the window, "What are you doing here?" "I'll come and see you." "why?" Her voice became hoarse as if stuck in a rice husk, "Do I need a reason, Charlie? If the hospital hadn't been telling me that you don't want to be visited, I would have come here long ago."

He moistened his tongue with saliva, "Whose idea? Dr. Willis?" She avoids the question, "I hope you're happy to see me." "The thing is, I'm not happy. I haven't changed my mind about refusing visits. They shouldn't be telling you where I am. Would you rather leave on your own or let me call and have someone throw you out?" "At least let me say sorry before I leave." "why?" "The way it ended for us." "I'm not interested. If I were, I'd read your letter." "Did you receive those letters? Because you didn't reply, I thought the hospital left them first and gave them to you after your memory recovered."

"Well, now you know." "Please, Charlie." He heard her enter the room. "Can't we have a cup of tea or something? I took the train and it took ages to get here...the taxi from the station was hot as an oven." "Don't come here, Jane." She sighed, "If you hadn't insisted on going, none of this would have happened." Akram grimly cautioned herself not to be drawn into yet another of her blame games. "I'm not interested," he repeated. After a short silence, her tone became sharp, "I could have turned on you. Maybe I should have. If I had done that, you wouldn't have been sent to Iraq, you know, I really Thought so."

He saw the amputee outside the window press the brake on the wheelchair to stop his partner from pushing him forward, "I know you're not that stupid. Even brain-dead zombies know the consequences of destroying each other." She sneered softly A cry, "But I have none to fire my Legion. You should at least thank me for that." He didn't say anything. She began to coax him with sweet words again, "Honey, I know you're in a bad mood," she said softly, "but if I'm willing to let it go, can't we forget all the bad things?" God!It wasn't the fear he felt at first, it was anger, intense anger!Anger swept through his body like a tide, and he grabbed her neck with both hands, strangling her impulse to death. "You need to leave!" He suppressed his anger. "I stopped caring a few months ago, and nothing you say or do will change me."

"You know it's not true." He half turned to reveal the undamaged side of his face.She was dressed demurely, with her hair pulled back from her neck and down to her knees in navy blue.He felt goose bumps on the back of his neck, adrenaline rushing through his body again.His first instinct was to look at her hands. "I put this on for you." She reached out and let go of the hairpin at the back of her head. "Remember Gattaca? You always said you liked Uma in uniform." She smiled, her blond hair hanging down to the shoulder, "Does this bring back fond memories for you?"

He didn't answer. She pulled her face down, "You are such a stupid bear. I thought you would at least give me a compliment this time. Before, if I was too much, you always complained." She took another step forward and put the shoulder bag Throwing it on a chair, looking him over, "It's just looks, now, looks are everything. Would Dr. Willis like it? You know he's writing me." Aklan took a breath through his nose to calm himself down, "He's a psychiatrist...he doesn't judge people by their appearance." Her face was beaming with pleasure again. "Everyone judges by cover, Charlie, that's the way the world is." She tilted her head and looked at him. "Anyway, what's the matter with you? I think you're fine."

"I want you to go, Jane." She ignored him, "I can't, I can't go now. You haven't asked me to tell you how sad I am." Her voice began to be hoarse again, "You know, it's all yours Wrong. You never tried to understand me, you didn't understand how sad I was about you leaving, I almost didn't recognize you when you came back from training in the desert in Oman." "The feeling is mutual." "It was good at first." Yeah?The only thing he can remember now is their argument, "I don't want to do this, Jen." "Please, Charlie," she began to sweeten him again, "this is really important to me, honey."

He avoids the trap of asking why, "I don't care." "I do not believe." "Yes," he agreed sharply, "but you never know what's true and what's not. It's true," he pounded one fist on the other, "and you come any closer One more step, or one more trick of your 'honey' tricks... and I'll knock your head off." There was a gleam in her eyes, but whether it was annoyance or horror, he didn't know. "Why are you so cruel?" Aklan pressed his fingers against the dead eye sockets, and the pain started from here. "I'm not. I'm just being honest...it's not a word you can understand." He watched her lips pursed into an ugly line, "Have you run out of money? This is why I was picked by you again." Why? Maybe you think I'm going to get a big payout."

A line of tears trickled down her eyelashes, and she suddenly looked confused, as if the visit wasn't what she expected, "I thought you wanted to see me. Someone keeps calling me and hanging up .I was expecting you to be the one I was calling." "No way. I don't even call people I like." "You weren't like this before." "What's it like? Boring?" He paused. "I'm always bored. I've been expecting somewhere, somewhere, to find someone who never pretends to be miserable, but I never find one. Anyway." , there is no one I would like to stay with."

"Cruel," she said, "you've never been so hard, Charlie. If you've been so hard before, you might be better off with it." "Don't kid yourself. Flattery is the only thing you want. As long as men appreciate you, you're half compromised." "You shouldn't be so jealous. I always turn heads wherever I go...you knew it from the moment we met." Akram shook his head. "Don't come!" he warned. "Why not? You were so obsessed with me. I've been worried to death, and it's my fault you've become like this. When your machete was attacked, were you thinking of me?" He saw her take another step closer. "I swear to God, if you take one step closer, I'll hurt you, Jane. Do you understand? I don't care what you're fantasizing about right now, but don't include me." He paused For a moment, "I don't miss you, never. The woman I like never existed." She couldn't or wouldn't believe him, and the teardrops under her eyelashes grew bigger, and she looked beautiful and sad, "Don't do this to me, Charlie. I'm so sad. At least, can't we be friends?" She raised one hand to his face, as if she believed that just a light touch could rekindle his feelings for her.His reaction was so quick, he grabbed her wrist before her hand could reach his shoulder, and turned aside. "Don't do it again," he said dryly. "I told you I don't intend to go back to the old ways." "You hurt me." "Really? I doubt it." He stared at her, his eyes slowly slid from the wrist to the palm, he squeezed her hand tightly, squeezing the bones, "So?" This time the tears were an expression of real pain. "God!" she snapped, "you broke my bloody finger." "That sounds more like the Jane I know." She tried to reach for her bag with the other hand, and he jerked her aside. "Bastard!" she said through gritted teeth, "I'll make you punish for this." "Okay, the sooner the better. If I blame you, I will feel bad." He squeezed her hand harder, "Why did you come here?" She relaxed suddenly. "Dr. Willis suggested." He could smell the shampoo in her hair. "Don't lie." "Really, Charlie. He thought it would help you if we could talk about the past. He said you had unresolved issues about our relationship." Unresolved issue?Will Willis use such language?Ackland gave Jane a hard look and pushed her toward the door, "Then you'd better tell him he's wrong. I have no unresolved issues here. If you told him, he might believe." She went to grab the bag again. "I need my stuff, Charlie." "I know." She began writhing wildly, pounding Akram's arm with her other fist, trying to break free from his grasp.Akram jerked her aside again, and he heard her hiss in anger.Akram held her hand firmly because he was prepared for it, but he forgot how strong a woman can be, and he grabbed her other fist, which was swinging, without thinking , pulling her towards him violently, in order to exert the same pressure on her hands, and at the same time, he exposed the injured side of his face. Of course she screamed.This is a very dramatic moment.If she had one hand free, she would quickly cover her mouth in the stereotypical, panic-stricken gesture of a Hollywood diva.To be noticed, no behavior is stale or trite for Jane.She simulated a horror attack and sent a series of sorrows -ah ah ah ah — the voice gradually expanded with the comprehensive understanding of his injuries. Expressionlessly, he pulled her wrists together and held them in one hand, he raised the other hand, and strangled her neck.The scream died down as her fingertips dug into her skin, and she stared at him in horror, "What are you doing?" "Shut up." She struggled again, "I can't breathe, Charlie! You fucking, I can't breathe!" There were hurried footsteps at the door, and a man's voice came, "What the hell happened here? My God!" Aklan felt someone give him a bear hug from behind and held him tightly, " Let her go, Charles, at once! You'll kill her." Akram let go and pushed Jane aside. "It's not that easy to kill her!" he said, letting the visitor unceremoniously push him to the other side of the bed.She knelt down and sobbed, and he looked at her mockingly, "You have to stab her through the heart to kill her." The man who came in was one of the male nurses here, and he roughly pushed Acklan into a corner and told him to stand still. "There's something wrong with you, man," he said disgustedly, reaching for the emergency bell. Robert Weihesi came in 15 minutes later.He nodded to the security guard at the gate, but without speaking to Akram, he picked up Jane's shoulder bag from a chair and handed it to a nurse.He told security he wanted to speak privately with the patient, then closed the door and sat down.He was silent, and seemed content to let the silence last.For the first time, Aklan appreciated and appreciated Willis' calmness in character and restraint in action.Under Willis' influence, his clenched fists began to relax. He stood in the corner the male nurse pushed him towards. "What did she tell you?" he finally said. "You're trying to strangle her," said Willis quietly. "There's a lot I don't understand. She's very distraught. Don't you want to sit down?" "No. I want to know what happened behind my back." Aklan stepped back a few steps, leaning his left shoulder against the wall, "She said you asked her to come." "I didn't. I advised her to stay away from you." "That's not what she said." Willis shrugged slightly, "Then you have to choose which of us you want to trust." The lieutenant stared at him for a moment. "Does she know I'm going to London tomorrow?" "Unless she heard about it from you. I only interacted with her twice... the first time to make a connection, and the second time to thank her for the email and tell her you didn't want to see her. Back then No plans to go to London." "Where is the London woman who is going to receive me?" "Dr. Campbell? As far as I know, she doesn't even know about Jane Morley's existence. Of course she doesn't have Jane's detailed contact information." Willis leaned back in the chair and crossed his legs, "Do you think Is that why Jane came here? Because I wanted you to rekindle your friendship before you go to London?" "The idea really came to me in a flash." "I'm not that dishonest or stupid. This is your first attempt to get back to normal life, why should I ruin it? Especially, why would I send Sue a patient who doesn't trust me and is erratic?" Shane Campbell, thereby threatening her safety?" "I have no idea." "Then, I suggest you think about it, because I have to tell Susan what happened today...she may reject you for it. Jen said you tried to strangle her...Is she telling the truth? Or is she Are you making up nonsense?" "Not exactly. I did put my hands around her neck." He turned his head and looked away, "Did you call the police?" Willis shook his head. "Not yet. Jane said she was partly at fault—you told her to leave and she refused—but she didn't want to sue you anyway." He pressed his fingers together, tapping his fingertips." That's not to say you won't be prosecuted. Our head of security may decide to report you for the safety of our employees, although I've convinced him to wait until I hear your explanation. So...you Would you like to tell me what happened?" "Not very willing." The psychiatrist clenched his fists and pointed his index fingers at Acland's heart, "This is not a request, Charles, this is an order...don't test me, because I'm not in the mood. You've made too many enemies here. You have a strong attack Sex, it's rude, and the common thread is that you're having a hard time with women. Do you think trying to strangle your ex-fiancée will help temper that perception?" "I do not care." "But you should care. People without friends are pushed to the fringes of society...you'll be very lonely. Didn't Jen mention any other reason for coming besides saying it was my suggestion?" "No." "Did she give an explanation why I invited her over?" "To talk about unresolved issues in our relationship." "That's not my style of speaking," Willis said mildly. "I try to avoid the more obvious clichés." He paused. "However, assuming I do suggest such a conversation, do you think I'll make you both a private conversation without participating? How is that going to help me understand anything?" "You might have her describe it to you, while you drool at her for half an hour." Funny expression. "Why should I do this?" "Don't know, doctor...but she's dressed up in style and trying to impress someone." "Impress you, if possible. Part of her distress seems to be that she wants to mend your relationship, and it makes her uncomfortable that you say you're not interested." "She knew it before she came. Our relationship was dead even before I went to Iraq." Willis looked at him thoughtfully, "What's wrong?" "It doesn't work." "why?" Akram stared at the floor as if the answer was lying there, "It just doesn't work. Did she say anything different in her letter to me?" "No, the content of the letter is very plain and gentle, and it will only evoke good memories." "She likes war movies. In those war movies, soldiers are wounded and nurses read letters to them, so she never writes anything against her." Willis frowned. "You seem to know her better than she knows you. She doesn't seem to believe that this relationship is—" he repeated Acklan's words, "a stagnant pool. " Aklan raised his head, with a sneer in his eyes, "You're going to turn me into a liar, doctor." "How to say?" "I told Jen you don't judge by cover." He paused. "If you forget her occupation, you'll be at her mercy. She can have any emotion you like," he snapped his fingers. "Like That way, nothing is real." "Her pain looks real. Why did you strangle her, Charles?" Aklan shrugged, "Ask her. When you go back, she will definitely be in a much better mood...as long as she gets her bag back." He and the doctor looked at each other for a moment, "What did she tell you? " "She tried to touch your cheek and you suddenly went berserk. She said you nearly crushed her hand." He omitted Jane's last words, and she claimed in a hysterical tone that he enjoyed hurting her. "She didn't know what was going on with me until I turned to face her and that's when she started screaming clichédly." "So you decided to strangle her to shut her up?" Willis whispered with a hint of sarcasm. Akram turned and leaned against the wall, "I never intended to strangle her. I just wanted to scare her... make her go away and leave me alone. Don't you think I could bite her off if I wanted to?" neck?" "That's not the problem, Charles. You shouldn't have put your hand on her at all." The lieutenant crunched and squeezed his knuckles one by one, "But can she just reach out to me? Is that what you mean?" "If that's inappropriate it's okay." "That was inappropriate. I told her at least twice not to come near me again... I even warned her that if she didn't back off, I would hurt her." "Do you want to hurt her?" "yes." "Does that make you happy?" He squeezed his knuckles faster and harder, "No." Willis didn't believe him. "Can you tell me why Jane's proximity makes you so anxious?" "You don't know her as well as I do." "Then tell me about her, and about your relationship." "There's no point. She's history. I don't plan to see her again." "Are you sure? You still seem to have strong feelings for her." Akram dropped his hands suddenly, as if aware that they were giving away his secret. "Only anger," he said with great calm. "First, she came after all... Second, she Just ignore it...Third, she thinks if she sticks around long enough, she can change my mind." "Has she acted like this before? That's why you describe her as 'manipulative'?" "yes." "What other occasions?" Seeing the lieutenant's expression, he sighed, "I'm not trying to embarrass you or find fault with you, Charles. I'm just trying to figure out if it's safe to send you to London at this time. At this moment, I'm deeply confused about your relationship with Jen. On the one hand, you're so rude in describing her as a 'fuckin bed master'...on the other hand, you react so violently when she tries to touch you. Is it because she broke your ego by breaking your engagement? Is that what we're dealing with right now?" silence. "Why pretend you don't care if you know you don't have any feelings anymore?" Akram leaned more heavily against the wall, as if his legs weren't strong enough to support him, "It's not pretending. I really don't care. If she left when I asked her to, we wouldn't have This conversation." "Why do you think she won't leave?" "She won't take 'no'. It's not a word she hears a lot. I bet you let her sit in your office so you can go back and pat her hand to reassure her. Everyone does that .” “Sitting in my office is fine, but clapping is not,” Willis said mildly. “Therapists tend to avoid physical contact to prevent their actions from being misinterpreted.” "Then you'd better be careful. If she thinks she can convince you to repeat what I said, she'll probably sit on your lap." "Why would I do that?" "You have recounted what she said." "But she is not my patient, Charles, and I have no obligation of confidentiality to her. She is literally just a stranger, brought into my office in tears, claiming her bag was left in your room, and she is horrified She can’t go home without train tickets and taxi money. What do you expect me to do? Throw her out in annoyance and tell her that it’s all her own fault. Come?" There was another mocking gleam in Akram's eyes, "You really have to be careful, doctor. If you've believed in this fear and vulnerability, the next thing you'll probably do is drive her off like a decent gentleman." go home." "Is this how you first met?" Aclan nodded. "You don't suggest that?" "It depends on how willing you are to be used." On the way back to the office, Willis kept cursing under his breath.He had had a hard time convincing Charles to accept his arrangement to spend some time with Susan Campbell between operations.Now he is extremely reluctant to see such a plan fall apart.Prior to this, the lieutenant had spent two convalescent periods in a hotel in Birmingham, where he did not seem to value his body. Both times he returned to the hospital with early signs of malnutrition, but Any suggestion to stay with his parents was flatly rejected by him. Susan, Willis' longtime friend and fellow psychiatrist who runs a bed and breakfast in London, offered Willis an alternative, but now it's hard to say whether she would accept Charles.Willis naturally passed on his annoyance to Jane.Charles would rather avoid questions or say nothing than lie, using various habitual body movements to signal his reluctance to answer, but Willis had no such confidence in Jane's honesty. She said you sent her here...