Chapter 23 Section 23

Poland.In my vague impression the country is far north of the Transylvanian Alps, perhaps further than the Carpathians.Even with the best of conditions, trekking over mountains and mountains is tough at this time of year, let alone in the harsh conditions we find ourselves in today. I can only guess how long the journey has been based on my feeling. In the dark car, suffocation and thirst tormented everyone, and painful moans broke the original silence.Eventually, the people around became exhausted, and the groans seemed to fade away. It was pitch black and I couldn't see anything. I couldn't move my whole body except my arms. Nicholas was held high by me, stuck between the crowded bodies around me.I can only imagine what a cruel scene was going on around me.

A few stingy air vents cut into the roof of the car, and the occupants (if they could manage it) stretched desperately to get a little more fresh air.From those small openings, I could barely distinguish the light of day and night, and I counted the days silently. We have spent four days and four nights huddled together in such a miserable environment.As the journey continued, the musty air and sweat inevitably mixed with the stench of excrement and urine.We couldn't move an inch in any direction, and going to the toilet was impossible, so we had to stand where we were.Perhaps at first everyone was thankful that they were under the cover of darkness, but soon the physical discomfort overcame any shame and embarrassment, because everyone in the car, children and adults alike, were in the same situation of.

My throat burns, my tongue swells, and I know Nikolay must be too, even though I can't see it.But I dare not move my hand to comfort him, if he slips and falls from those crowded bodies, I will never survive.He kept silent all the time, and I think he must have been greatly stimulated.His body was still shaking, but not as violently as before, and his breathing was no longer short of breath.Desperate to hear him, I wished he would not wake up so soon from his trance and find himself in such a dire situation. All around me there was a constant murmur of torment, interrupted at times by the cries of women and children, but I could not tell whether these voices were pain or anger, for they were speaking in a language I could not understand, so I quickly tried to ignore it.

From time to time the train stopped, for refills of water and fuel, and possibly even at stations to carry more people.I have no way of knowing this, except for the monotonous groans of the people around me, I can hardly hear other sounds.Every stop is unsettling, first a prayer that the journey has come to an end and that we will be freed from this filthy prison, and then hope turns to fear and despair when the train starts moving again.With these stops and stops came a terrible regularity, but perhaps that was the fundamental reason why Nikolay and I survived, even though others paid a terrible price for it.

Every time it restarts after a stop, when the front of the train ignores the pain of the passengers and pulls the body, the whole train will tilt forward, causing the people in the carriage to lose their balance.In the dark, I gradually realized that every time someone tipped over, or fell hard to the ground.At this time, their screams echoed in the dark, lingering in our minds.I know that those who fall will die a slow death of stampede or suffocation, and no one will be spared. Now, the fear prevents me from even thinking about going to sleep. I nervously wait for each docking, hold Nikolay to stand firm, and fully prepare for the next bump.I'm sure it was this awareness and vigilance that kept Nikolay and me alive.

Again and again, someone unseen fell at my feet, clutching my legs in desperate hands, trying to get back up from under the crowd.As for my reaction, at least I deliberately ignored it, and once I even took the initiative to shake off the fingers that were holding me. They were so small that they could only be children's hands.All I cared about now was the survival of Nikolay and myself, and I had no intention of thinking about the fate of the others around me.Maybe the language barrier helped me, if I could understand their pleas as they slipped, I doubt I'd be as ruthless as this.

Even so, I knew I couldn't last long, I was getting weaker, Nikolay was getting heavier, and when people around me fell or were pulled over, I couldn't use them anymore. body for support. This thought frequently crossed my mind: Wouldn't it be better to just throw in the towel and end our suffering by throwing myself and Nikolai in the swamp of death beneath our feet? If it was just me, I might actually do it, because I'm afraid that in the end we still won't escape this fate.But I can't make the decision for Nikolai.Let him survive, this is the most important thing, because I promised my father to take good care of him, but now, my brother's life is completely placed on my will to survive.