Chapter 16 Chapter two

Probably because rag water was added to the soup of the nutritious lunch!Feeling severe abdominal pain, I staggered along the noisy corridor during lunch break, and finally arrived in front of the student guidance room.I knocked on the factory door and walked inside without waiting for a response. The teacher sat on the swivel chair as usual, smoking a cigarette with an expression of enjoyment.I squinted in the afternoon sun pouring in from the dull window.This leisurely scene that doesn't match the teacher at all made me laugh, and I couldn't help laughing out loud. The laughter drew the teacher's attention to me, and he put out his cigarette, opened the window, and greeted me.Those slender eyes - but with inexplicably beautiful double eyelids - were looking straight at me.

"There is no smoking ban here, so don't rush to put it out." I looked away. "I don't hate the smell of cigarettes." "How can I do that? Li Jia, don't you know the harm of second-hand smoke? Are you an idiot? Be careful and die from lung cancer!" "I still know these common sense..." "what happened to you?" "what?" "You are turning blue." "Probably added to the nutritious lunch." "what do you want me to do?" "Let me sit down." "sit down!" The teacher unfolded the folding chair with a practiced hand and returned to his seat.

While exerting force on my lower abdomen and anus, I sat down on the folding chair, adjusted the creases of my skirt, and turned to the teacher.At this point, my abdominal pain subsided rapidly: I don't like the feeling of not being able to freely control my bodily functions, but I welcome this type of uncontrollability. "Is it better?" "Well... much better." "Look at your sweaty face, do you want to take a shower?" There is a shower room in the student guidance room, which was used by teachers to splash water on students in the old days when corporal punishment was allowed.

"No, there's no need to take a shower. I think if I can't see the teacher's face, I will start to feel uncomfortable again." "What a freak you are! Putting me to such a strange use." "Sorry." I apologized out of habit. "It doesn't matter. I was originally in charge of psychological counseling for students. It couldn't be easier to solve their troubles without doing anything." The teacher crossed his legs. "Besides, I just have nothing to do. Really, there's not even a TV here. I wish I could go to the teacher's office and watch the news over tea."

"Just be patient for another half a year." The position of student guidance is rotated once a year. "Half a year? Don't be kidding. This kind of work has no meaning at all. No one comes to consult!" "It depends on which teacher it is!" "What's the meaning?" The teacher tilted his head. "Never mind." "tell me." "Nothing, sorry." "I told you to tell me!" "...Please touch your conscience and think about it." In the end, the teacher actually put his hand on his chest—of course, he still didn't understand, so he squinted his eyes in confusion.

"Forget it." The teacher switched his thoughts and switched legs. "Students who don't know what's good about me are just children." "I know." "very good." "thanks." Very strange dialogue. "Okay, Lika, what do you want?" "Is it okay to come?" "Basically, you can't come. However, as I said just now, I'm free now, so I can talk to you. Are you full?" "I ate a little last night, and I had a nutritious lunch just now." "Oh! Last night? What did you eat?" "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…" I can't really say it." "Uh, so-so food."

"So that's it, isn't it something you can't eat?" The teacher nodded slightly. "What did you eat before? Leftovers?" "Yes, leftovers are considered food." "Hey, Li Jia, sometimes I feel so touched by your knowledge!" The teacher took out a small bottle of juice, sandwich bread and canned tuna from the desk drawer, put them in a paper bag and handed them to me.I took out the sandwich bread from it and ate it immediately.The sweet jam spreads on my tongue, and the saliva almost overflows my mouth: I sip my saliva while eating the bread.At home, I had almost no food to eat, and the school lunches were often fed by classmates, so I couldn't eat well; I could be said to have survived by relying on the relief supplies provided by my teachers.The teacher's desk, which stores a lot of food, is my lifeline.

"Is it delicious?" the teacher asked. I, who was concentrating on the bread, didn't answer, but I thought it would be rude, so I nodded quickly, and then I focused on chewing the bread again.I can feel the slowly chewed slices of bread passing through my esophagus and accumulating in my stomach. "Although I am a rookie teacher with only five years of experience, I have never seen a student as unfortunate as you. Do you feel happy alive?" "... Lucky or not? I don't know much about it." I drank half a bottle of juice in one gulp, and unwrapped the second sandwich bread. "I don't feel happy, but there are plenty of people less fortunate than I am."

"Comparing the inferior to the superior is something shameless people do: besides, I am asking you a personal question, which has nothing to do with other people." "I can be a doll." "here we go again?" "The pain and sorrow are all borne by the doll, so I don't feel sad." "The first step of multiple personalities? Li Jia, this is too boring." The teacher hummed with a really bored face. "I don't deny this way of life, and I don't want to criticize other people's thinking patterns; but let me just say that I don't agree with your method, and it can't solve the problem at all."

"yes?" "Close your eyes when you encounter something scary, pinch your nose when you smell a bad smell, and run away when you encounter something unpleasant. Isn't it just like that?" "But, this is also a solution!" As long as I close my eyes, pinch my nose, and run away—that is, become a doll—I won't get hurt; for me, it's settled.Not caring about the problem is the complete solution, isn't it? "This is a difference in thinking." The teacher immediately said: "I am the kind of person who is not reconciled until the problem is completely solved. I don't like you who can only escape, and I feel sick when I see it. Dirty and embarrassing!"

"No, it's because I don't want to be dirty or lose face that I became a doll. I'm not dirty and I'm not ashamed." I bite into the bread. "It's not convincing at all to say that while eating cheap bread." "Happy Fee." "what?" "would not." I said this after taking a sip of juice and flushing the sandwich bread into my stomach. "Lijia, let's fight!" The teacher stretched out his hand towards the cigarette, but immediately retracted it. "Fight and solve all the problems that cause you pain! Running away is not the solution, fighting is the way to solve it. Don't treat yourself like a doll, solve it as a human being." "As a human being..." I gripped the sandwich bread hard because I almost dropped the plant. "Don't keep saying that you are weak and powerless and run away, don't keep saying that it doesn't work and be satisfied with the status quo. Fight this worst state and solve everything!" "You want me to stop being a doll?" "I want you to lose the doll. Dolls are a tricky solution" The teacher stared at me. "I disagree." "...Why do you say such things?" "what?" "That's what you said, but what can't be done is just can't be done! I don't need you to tell me the truth, but I just can't help it! That's why I want to become a doll and escape from all the annoying things. " Escape is not the same as solution - this truth is well understood by everyone.But right now, there's nothing I can do about it. I can't do anything. Nothing can be done. "You want to say that you can't do anything, don't you?" The teacher snorted again. "However, this is the truth. Li Jia, you are weak and powerless. You are a middle school student who can be seen everywhere, and you are always alone; you can't do anything like this." "I know." So please, stop talking. "There's also the fact that I don't have much power. I could go and complain to the police or the board of education, but then it's not me, it's them; then I can't help you with anything. , which worries me a little." "Teacher...would you be worried?" "Why are you making such an unbelievable expression? Are you a daredevil? Or an idiot?" "Are you worried about me?" "Hey! If you're not worried, why listen to your bitterness?" "I thought I had to listen to it because of work. After all, the teacher always looks upset when he looks at me, and often says that he doesn't want to be a student instructor..." I was really surprised.It is true that this teacher is responsible for guiding the students and has to solve various problems for the students, such as the way out and the family situation, but I never think that he is really doing these jobs.When he said that, I was so surprised that I almost wondered if he had other intentions.I was overjoyed, and when I came back to my senses, the sandwich bread had been crushed by me. "Don't waste food!" was scolded.I quickly licked the jam on my hands. "Lijia, I feel very upset, because every time I see you, every time you come, I have to listen to your cruel daily life, even if I don't want to know. Not only that. Bruises, burnt hair, or not eating normally appeared in front of my eyes; and you, who told the victim, not only did not make any efforts to improve the situation, but even made nonsense that you had become a doll at that time, and it didn’t matter.” "Yes, but..." "It's me who is talking now, don't interrupt." The teacher put down his crossed legs. "I have repeatedly emphasized that if the problem is not completely solved, I will feel uncomfortable, so I hate the guy who seeks peace of mind by escaping, or deceives himself and others into thinking that he is safe. He doesn't even want to see it. Do you know why?" "Because you hate people like me?" "Not quite right, because looking at people like you always makes me feel unbearable. I, I hate seeing people who suffer because of failure. It hurts to look at them. When I see others suffer, it is different. In terms of meaning and concept, I will feel different pain than when I suffer. I can bear my own pain, but I can’t do it if I look at other people’s pain.” "You look at me and feel pain?" "That's right." The teacher nodded. "Lijia, I want to help you." "……thanks." what does it feel likeI feel very, very... happy. really happy.This is the first time I feel this way. "Then get ready!" The teacher stood up and looked to the other side of the window. "Departure time... Si, let's set it in a week!" "Set off?" "Yes, let's go." "What departure?" "Departure is departure, what are you talking about?" The teacher looked at me in disbelief. "No, this sentence is what I want to say. What is the starting point?" "Didn't I mean the factory? A departure is a departure. It's not safe to be too close, Si, why don't you go to Okinawa?" "This means..." I couldn't help standing up. "My teacher and I are going to escape from here together!?" "Don't yell, so I said... No, it's not technically an escape, it's a new life, starting over, starting over. Of course, it's not a fight, it's not freedom after a fight." "Is it the evasive behavior that the teacher hates?" "I'm just a teacher, a rookie teacher. In other words, I have no strength. If I fight in this situation, I probably can't win; if I lose, I will fall into the worst situation worse than the current one. I can't let you suffer like that, so I ran away, I'm sorry." The teacher turned to me and lowered his head slightly. "Ah, no," it was the first time the teacher apologized to me, so I didn't know how to reply. "Don't say that, I'm not…" "But relatively, I will run away with all my strength, and you can rest assured. Lijia, I will let you stay away from all problems, take you far away, and save you from turning into a doll again." "But what about work?" "Resign." The teacher replied in one go. "Resign? How can..." "Anyway, I didn't want to be a teacher. I had planned to resign for a while, but now it's just a little earlier. I have savings, and I'm still young, so I can work as a coolie. Don't look at my virtues, I'm physically strong Not bad." The teacher smiled slightly. "……teacher." "What's the matter?" "Are you serious?" "Of course!" "Can I believe it?" "Why, don't you believe it?" "No" I shook my head immediately. "Thank you." "Leaving at this time in a week, you come here with your luggage, and then you and I leave school, get in my car, take the highway, and head south. Don't worry, it will be smooth, it will be fine escape."