The reason why it is closed is because the closed elements are already complete. After managing to escape from the flooded home, Wen Nan and I struggled to climb up to the roof with our wet and heavy bodies.I raised my face convulsed with fear and chills, and found that it was raining so hard that the word pouring was not enough to describe it.I wiped my face while relaxing my shrunken body from the cold: at this moment, a sharp pain in my chest made me cough uncontrollably.It was the pain of water seeping into the body and pressing on the heart, and the cold deepened the pain in the body.My body trembled violently, even if I was thrown into a swimming pool filled with ice water, I'm afraid it wouldn't be that exaggerated!

"Brother Chun!" Wen Nan opened his purple lips and called to me. "Wennan, come here. Are you okay?" "No... I don't know." Wen Nan crawled up to me along the roof tiles, his hands and feet exposed from the wet shirt and shorts were miserable, I tried to hug him, and found that his thin body was extremely cold.However, I am also half a catty; I am only eleven years old, and I am not too big or too young, and my whole body is also bone-chillingly cold. "Wen Nan! Hey, hello! Wen Nan!" I called to Wen Nan who was trembling with his eyes closed. "Open your eyes quickly! Wen Nan!"

"Okay... okay, it's so cold..." "Don't be afraid." "It's cold, it's cold..." "It'll warm up in no time. Are you just cold? Nothing else feels wrong?" "I don't know if it's something wrong..." Wen Nan's reply was almost drowned out by the sound of intense rain. "I don't feel well." "uncomfortable?" "Ah, no, nothing." "Honestly, don't be polite to me." "...my stomach feels a bit uncomfortable." "I only drank water." I comforted him, "I'll be fine soon. Alright, lie down!"

However, instead of leaving, Wennan hugged me, perfectly displaying the spirit of a spoiled eight-year-old child, and hugged my back even harder. "Are you afraid?" I noticed that Wen Nan's trembling was not just due to the cold. "Hey, Wen Nan, are you afraid?" "..." Wen Nan didn't answer me. "There's nothing to be afraid of." I put my hand on Wen Nan's wet head. "You have to solve your discomfort first, lie down quickly, and you will feel better." However, Wen Nan still did not let go, the rainwater accumulated in his collarbone groove vibrated and produced tiny ripples; after a while, he seemed to overcome his fear, lay down on the roof, and turned his face towards San Nan to avoid the rain.I slowly caressed Wen Nan's abdomen, Wen Nan seemed to have gotten rid of the extreme pressure, and the corners of his eyes drooped.

"Hey, Brother Chun." "What's up?" "What the hell... is it? Is it raining too much?" I looked down at the scene under the roof. The mass of water that eats away at nearly all dwellings, devours potted plants, desks, cars, lumber, telephone poles, signs, doghouses, and dogs with haste, and rushes on: and still expands in power and extent. big flood.Now the town is facing complete and decisive devastation. Our home is no exception.The surface of the water approached the window on the second floor where Wen Nan and I escaped, and everything below sank into the water town as if it had been denied existence.

"It's flooded," I replied, looking at the flotsam floating on the water. "It's a flood like never before. My God...it's a total mess, and the town is gone." The scale of the flood seemed to be so large that even the shadow of the town could not be seen.The roads that pass by every day, the clumsy red lights every time you want to cross, the deserted shopping streets, the libraries with few books, the cafes that only open on weekdays, and the parks you used to play in the past, are now sinking to the bottom of the water.It's an incredible feeling that the usual small town scenery can disappear so easily - the fragility reminds me of watercolor painting, no matter how detailed the painting is, as long as the water is splashed, it will disappear and the declaration will end.I finally understood that the world that didn't need us seemed to be painted in ink: a discovery that was quite fresh, because I thought the concept of the world was more solid, but it was... drowned in a blink of an eye.

"Brother Chun." Looking back, Wen Nan was standing behind him. "Lie down well! Isn't it uncomfortable?" "Hey, what happened to the others?" "Are you afraid?" "No," Wen Nan denied it outright. "With Brother Chun around, I'm not afraid." "yes!" "I don't care if something breaks and floats away and people drown." "yes!" I nodded to this fact of course. No matter how the town is damaged and how many residents drown, our hearts will not feel the slightest shock or pain... No, it's not a matter of feeling or not, it's just not caring.We never care about the movements of people and the will of people, the movements of small towns and the will of small towns.

We don't need everything but us. We don't crave anything other than ourselves. "Speaking of which, it has become like this, how can we still sleep?" I muttered while wiping the rainwater that ran into my eyes with my fingers. "Wennan, you've been submerged in such a large amount of water, haven't you woken up yet?" "Well... I slept soundly." "Me too, sleeping until the water seeped into the bed, sleeping like an idiot in the flood." "Brother Chun, you are obviously a light sleeper!" "Wennan, don't you always get up early?"

"That's right, it's weird." "...Wen Nan!" I was shocked by the flash of inspiration, and my voice also became louder. "Do you remember what time you went to bed yesterday?" "what?" "Do you remember?" "...uh, after dinner, take a shower, watch TV with everyone, the news says the hurricane is big, and, uh..." "I remember watching the hurricane report, too, but after that? After watching TV? Do you remember when you got into bed? Do you remember brushing your teeth? Hey, hey! Tell me!" "Hey... what's wrong?"

I am sure. ...is medicine. During yesterday's dinner, he should have been given sleeping pills. But who did it? Judging from the situation, it could only be the mother.Mom, gentle, loves teeth, loves us, cooks well, hates driving, is a very ordinary mother that can be seen everywhere.Such a mother gave us sleeping pills, why?Another question: why didn't we wake up?The house was flooded, why didn't the children's sleep be interrupted? Could it be...was discovered? We are closed, we are not interested in the outside world, we don't care about others, we don't love others, we are not attached to our parents, we know that we can't be noticed and we play the role of children in a happy family, have they all been discovered?

So Mom took advantage of this flood and put sleeping pills on us...in an attempt to kill us. If so, when was it exposed?For a long time, we guarded the love and tranquility of our parents, made a cute and coquettish appearance unique to children, watched TV together, played video games together, did not forget to talk while eating, and went to the seaside, mountains or amusement parks to dress up and have a good time. He pretended to be happy when he received a birthday gift.We have never neglected our services to our family members; we have never disclosed our abnormalities to save our parents from pain and sorrow.We should take care of everything and not do anything to ruin the daily life of our parents.I am an expert in this area, not to mention my parents, even my classmates, teachers, neighbors, uncles and aunts. I believe that the world's comprehensive evaluation of me is "easy-going, sensible, and a good boy who respects the elders."I should have no flaws, so... what about Wen Nan?Wen Nan’s ability to deal with the world is really not enough. Although he deceived his parents with his acting skills, he was always in a daze when he was in school (to be precise, he was in a state of non-response; because no matter how many people are surrounded by us, it’s always the same for us. pointless), don’t make friends (of course. We never need people other than us, they are as if they don’t exist), and don’t fit in (how do you fit in with concepts that don’t exist?).Mom is often called to school for these issues.Parents must have felt a bit of doubt from Wen Nan's attitude, and followed the line precisely to discover our closedness. No, wait a minute.There is also a more blatant existence than Wennan. pears.our sister.Huh?Strange. "Pear?" The seeds of chaos germinated in my heart and took root unscrupulously, destroying the inside. "Where's Liye? Liye, where is she...?" Wen Nan and I were the only ones on the roof where the rain was beating fiercely. I felt a violent commotion all over my body.A sense of fear and inadequacy, as if part of his muscles were ripped off in one piece.Disappearance, this sudden thought, this premonition, this panic—the violent uneasiness formed into a mass and hit the head, and the body had the illusion of being split in two.I didn't know how to get over this hellish restlessness I was experiencing for the first time in my life. "Chun...Brother Chun!" Wen Nan's chaotic seeds seemed to have sprouted, and steam came out of his wet body, and his restlessness and anxiety made him feel hot. "Riya is not here! Why!" I watch the roof tiles.Li Ye is still looking down... In other words, she is still in the napkin? "Brother Chun, Liye isn't here! Wow! Liye, she..." "I know!" I replied as if moaning, "I know...I know..." Wen Nan moved slowly.He walked to one end of the roof. Wen Nan's feet were straddling the roof tiles—— "Wen Nan!" I hugged Wen Nan from behind and fell to the roof tile. "You idiot! Don't play tricks! What's the use of doing such a thing?" I punched Wen Nan on the cheek. "Pear, pear, she! Pear, she's gone!" Wen Nan didn't seem to realize that he was being beaten. "Wennan! Hey! Wennan, calm down!" "No! I can't see Liye! Really not! I can't live without Liye! Brother Chun can't live without Liye either! We're going to die..." Me, Wen Nan and Li Ye.Three people are everything.Three people is everything. It's unbearable without any of them... No, it's more than unbearable, it's the big collapse, which represents a complete end.The continuation of the feeling that the muscles of the body have been peeled off is evidence. "...I can't live without Liye." Although Wen Nan regained his composure, he seemed to have fully understood the horror of lack, and his tense expression did not relax at all. "Go and save her!" "You stay here, I'll go." I patted Wen Nan's head. "We've always been three of us, no one less. If any one is missing... it gives goosebumps." "Me... me too! I get goosebumps on my chest." "I know." "Without Brother Chun and Liye, I would be finished. Without you two... I don't know if I'm dead or alive, and it will be dark." "Me too, so I have to save Liye." "I also need to go!" "You see your face is pale, how can you go?" "But……" "Leave it to me, I will rescue Liye, and I won't die." "Brother Chun..." "Have I ever lied to you?" "No!" Wen Nan replied immediately, "Not once!" "Then it's a deal, I will rescue Li Ye, I will definitely be able to save her. So Wen Nan, you don't have to worry, just wait for me here. Be careful not to catch a cold!" Hearing what I said, Wen Nan showed a sloppy and extremely slack smile: it was a kind of careless smile that was only shown to us, and there was no need to show it in front of others.We are three in one, three in one, three in one, fused with each other. Therefore, I will definitely rescue Liye. Now that it has been decided, it cannot be procrastinated.I squatted on the eaves and looked down. There was only a lot of running water below, no other objects, no other people.The "abandoned feeling" that used to exist outside of cognition suddenly appeared; abandoned?Why?As long as there are Wen Nan and Li Ye in my world, why do I think so?The outside world, which has never been seen before, has a sense of presence because of its disappearance: this fact is very interesting. However, now is not the time to think about these things. I took deep breaths repeatedly, activated my frozen body, and slowly sat down on the roof.There was a flood beneath my feet: my heart was pounding, and the pain of my ribs being pressed from the inside made me want to throw up.hello what are you doingDo not be afraid!Now is not the time to be scared, a part of me is gone yay!Hurry up and fully recover, body! determination.Then act. I jumped into the flood.Then, a strong energy shock came. I hastily stretched out my hand toward the window, clasping the edge of the window with my fingers.A large amount of running water hits the whole body, trying to seize the body held together by only three fingers. If the index finger, middle finger and ring finger loosen, I will definitely be washed away. "Brother Chun!" Wen Nan's scream came from above his head. I poured all the strength left in my cold and tired eleven-year-old body into my fingers and arms.Can't be washed away: Losing Li Ye also means the end of Wen Nan and me.I bent my knuckles against the rushing water and stretched my other arm toward the window.Caught the factory, no problem, fixed it. I took a lungful of air... and dived into a water-filled home.The first thing that catches the eye is Dad's study. The number of times I've stepped in here can be counted on one's fingers, not because Dad forbids us to come in, but because there is no need to come in; we have nothing to do to find Dad or Dad's study.Dad is always indecisive and listens to his mother in everything; but that's because he dotes on his mother. He loves wine and cars, and likes to buy us gifts on days other than birthdays, making surprises (this has become a training for sudden reactions): seeing that the three of us have a good relationship, he is always happy without doubting him.Here is his study, the flooded study. I grasped the swaying curtains, condensed my vision as if covered by water, and stared at the study room with eight tatami mats. The most striking thing is the bookshelf. In the large bookshelf as high as the ceiling, there are countless books that have nothing in common—some of the books were released by the flood and slowly moved up and down. , "Death Capital Bruges", "Dry Landscape", "Your Blood", "The Complete Book of Chinese Hypnotherapy That Triggers Potential", "For Children", "Lens Pantheism", "Reading the Red Ribbon Book of Iwanami Bunko", " Books such as "Anna, Karenina" and "The Freezing Point of the Spirit" swim around in the room full of water.I approach the books that rotate and move up and down gracefully repeatedly. The water flow changes due to my movement. "Little Puppet" and "Electric Skates" sink to the floor limply like dead jellyfish.Several books opened and closed and turned while I was swimming among the scattered books. Then, in my hazy vision, I noticed certain unnatural colors.Red, black, green, orange, these colors are sprayed out like smoke, forming small swirls, reaching the ceiling.That's... ink, brightly colored pen ink that dissolves in water and spreads.Red, black, green, orange, the appearance of colored particles floating in the water fascinates me; looking at the root of the ink, several pens in my father's collection are quietly rotating around the center. The barrels of “Meisterstck149”, “SERENITE BOIS”, “Souveran1000”, “Land of Africa”, “Carene”, “OMAS 360”, “charston”, “MARINE BLUE” and “Olympio” continuously overflowed with bright ink, and the surrounding The water erodes, stains and spreads, trying to envelop me.Going on like this, the view would be obscured; I started swimming again and left the study. In the corridor on the second floor, there are five goldfish occupying the land as kings, shaking their fins and tails: two "black dragon eyes", one "Dutch lion head", one "salmon fish" and one "purple head".They seem to rejoice in having more room to move around, swimming briskly around.Groups of goldfish sometimes swim into the closet, sometimes cross the mountain of toilet paper that absorbs water and become agar-colored, and bypass bundles of magazines, busy and continuing their big adventure.These five goldfish were raised at home, and swimming in what had become a huge tank, they seemed to think I was an intruder, and approached me violently: I dodged so hurriedly that I spat out some of the oxygen in my mouth.The goldfish didn't know that they disturbed my spirit, and headed for my parents' dormitory.I was out of breath and had to save someone as soon as possible. pears.our sister.She cannot be lost in a place like this. Pears are part of us, and we are part of Pears. "Eh? Eh? Why didn't you come together? Brother, why didn't they come with Riya?" On the day of the opening ceremony of the kindergarten, Liya, who was wearing a cute navy blue uniform, said this suddenly before the stroller arrived at the house.It was a big mistake to think that Liye's question was due to the child's unique coquettishness and the ignorant mother smiled gently, and replied: "Brother and the others have already graduated, there is no need to go again." "Hmm...?" Riya tilted her head. "But we are together! We cannot be separated." The kid doesn't understand at all.The troubled mother said again: "Although you have been together all the time, you can't stop going to school or kindergarten because of this!" "This way we will be separated! Li Ye and brother will be separated!" Mom nodded. "No way! It's strange to be separated, Riya will be troublesome. It's strange to be separated!" "It's just parting for a while, Riya, please be patient! Everyone is like this!" Mom said. "What are you guys?" Riya, who doesn't need anything but me and Bunnan, doesn't understand the meaning of "everyone". "Everyone is everyone! Everyone else including Li Ye." Mom gave a stupid answer. "There is no one else!" Li Ye replied immediately: "Li Ye and brother are all there, and the rest...don't know." In Li Ye's world, there are only two characters on the stage, Wen Nan and me.This is the whole world. Although Wennan and I share the same thoughts as Liye, we knew that if we did not follow the systematic actions of the world, it would be difficult to survive, so we patiently endured and passed our respective lonely time.In order to prevent others from seeing through my thoughts, I always keep a smile on my face and casually echo other people's topics: But Wennan seems to be unable to get used to being thrown into the outside world alone, and always builds a wall of rejection, sleeping in it .Even Wen Nan is like this, how can Li Ye, who is the youngest and ignorant of the three, adapt to life outside? No... she doesn't even have the concept of an "outside life". "You can't say that! This world is not just a home." Mom tried to correct Li Ye's spirit, but her cognition was slightly wrong. For us, even this home is a place built by outsiders.What can make us feel at ease and long for is the three-person space where even parents don't exist.Of course, I am grateful to my parents for giving us shelter, food, and beds, but there is no love at all, and I don’t understand what love means.I feel ashamed and guilty about this, but we really don't understand. "I don't want to go to kindergarten! I want to be with my brother forever! I don't need to go anywhere else, not at all!" Although Li Ye could barely bear the loneliness we felt when we were in school, she couldn't bear to be moved elsewhere. She waved her yellow schoolbag and started to riot like a fit.The mother who saw Li Ye's appearance for the first time held tears of confusion, put her hand on Li Ye's small shoulder, and said, "Don't be self-willed, I will see my mother soon!" "Huh? That's not it!" Li Ye seemed surprised that her meaning was not understood, and stopped her movements; then, she actually said: "Li Ye just wants to be with my brother and them forever." what!Stupid!This is a forbidden sentence!Children like us who can only survive in the mini garden of the family cannot say this sentence. Indeed, parents, like outsiders, are outside the scope of our interest: no matter what happens to mother or father, it has nothing to do with us. Although we are grateful to them, that's all there is to it.But you can't tell the truth because of this! In order to rescue this stupid and cute little sister, I continued to swim forward while being tormented by the pain of not being able to breathe. In order to shorten the time, I rolled down the stairs; the body bearing the resistance of the water flow descended very slowly, and fell to the first floor without being impacted. The water movement on the first floor seems to be more intense than that on the second floor. The calendar, remote control, lip balm, picture book and slippers float in the water, moving around unrealistically like a dream seen during light sleep.The clanging sound flowed into the ears through the water, and it was the sound of dishes colliding; the piles of dishes carefully collected by my mother in the cupboard were freed by the flood, and they ecstatically moved around the kitchen. The plates of "Zhang Zhihuo", the coffee cups of "Royal Doulton", the wide mouth cups of "Minton", the glassware of "Richard Ginori", the bowls of "Hiroko Koshino"... all kinds of tableware were swallowed by the whirlpool , dancing towards the ceiling. The mug of "sibilla" flew out of it, and rushed towards me as if trying to exclude me as a near visitor; I quickly shielded my face, but the mug lost its strength rapidly and sank to the floor. I peeped through the gap between my arms on the submerged first floor, and the superficial main stage of the family reunion—the dining table came into view. My mother filled the table with sumptuous dishes every day, and she didn’t care about our hypocritical moving eyes. Suspicious, with a look of joy on his face. In fact, it doesn't matter what kind of food, whether it's ramen, stewed meat, rice or smoked ribs, we are not interested, as long as it can satisfy our hunger.I, Wennan and Liye all hate to waste time eating, so I prefer simple food; we hate hard dishes such as burdock, and crab dishes that are not convenient to eat.We even dream of foods that we can eat once and live for a lifetime.There were times when we wolfed it down to create early alone time for the three of us: Mom saw this and resumed her nerve-wracking misunderstanding, saying, "Don't rush, there's plenty." In this case, in order not to violate my mother's expectations and arouse unnecessary suspicion, I always reluctantly add an extra bowl of rice... Hypocrisy, everything is hypocrisy.I looked at the dining table sunk into the water, and recalled that period of daily life full of falsehood but happiness. In order to get back this happiness, Li Ye must be rescued as soon as possible: otherwise, we will be over for good.A novel without words, a computer without a screen, a house without a roof, a lamp without a tube, a knife without a blade, a pen without ink, a radio without an antenna, a jigsaw puzzle with a few pieces missing, shoes without soles, Fucking soccer balls...we're going to be reduced to these meaningless objects. What would happen to Wen Nan and I if we lost Li Ye?Where should we go?Live separately and form relationships with outsiders whom you have ignored in the past. Such thoughts come to mind, but the chances of success are hopelessly small.I have said repeatedly that we do not need the outside world; whenever we are out on business, we always feel that we are inside a solid membrane through which we see the outside world. Nothing felt.Nothing matters. The multitude of other people on the tram, the multitude of other people laughing and cursing in the classroom, the multitude of other people in every household, the multitude of other people living on the earth—in my eyes, these are just part of the landscape.When I followed the secular rules and chatted with my classmates after class, I occasionally couldn’t hear the other party’s words; when I thought that the other person I was talking to had nothing to do with me, all the concepts other than Wennan and Liye instantly became transparent and disappeared. Makes me feel the membrane covering me again.This situation is even more serious when I don’t see Wen Nan and Li Ye for a long time, such as off-campus trips, and sometimes it even makes me breathless. Before going to bed, I watched my classmates frolicking, and felt that a large number of unrelated outsiders were actively asserting themselves; at the same time, I was anxious about my isolation and felt intensely dry.However, no one noticed my condition, and even when I complained about the dryness, they didn't respond at all.At this time, I realized that I used a different language from others, and my sense of dryness increased even more. What are others?I have thought about this question.However, a decent answer has never emerged. Others are "other" "people" as they are literally, and don't need to initiate a relationship... no, no, I don't even think of "other" "people", I don't understand "other" in the first place meaning, and the word "person" is even more mysterious.I, Wen Nan and Li Ye, wrote about these three people who are hopelessly closed, no matter how we explore, the external things are still just irrelevant existence.Of course, I know that this kind of thinking is unusual; I also know that, except for the three of us, we live and communicate with other people.Family members, friends, bosses, lovers... communicate closely and entangled with these others to establish themselves.Countless other people, whom I regard as scenery, do these things every day without thinking deeply, and they fully understand this behavior; however, whenever I replace them with myself and think, everything will happen Become colorless and transparent, odorless and tasteless, and become hollow.I can't imagine myself intersecting with other people at all. Liya returned from kindergarten, her face was ashen, as if she had strayed into a huge refrigerator and was locked in it. "I still don't understand..." Li Ye's trembling lips made a weak voice. "There are a lot of things over there, but they are all transparent! Riya has been staying in the transparent place! And it's so cold in there! Riya was scared to death... Brother, what is that?" I can't answer Li Ye's question because I also feel that others are transparent. However, this will not work. The more we grow, the more isolated we become. As soon as we go to middle school, the class time increases, and the time we spend together will be shortened; after entering high school, the proportion will increase, and there is no university in this area, so we can only go to school by tram, and the time we share will be less and less; after employment, With most of the day spent at work, it was even more difficult for the three of them to live together.Living to the age of thirty or forty, three brothers and sisters still live together, which is not tolerated by secular rules; besides, there will definitely be "others" who force us to do troublesome things like marriage.I understand all of this; yeah, it's fine for now, but... what about the future? We have to practice for that moment. In order not to collapse then, we must practice enduring prolonged periods of isolation. Kindergarten is the training ground.I used this passage instead of answering, but the young Liye didn't understand what it meant, and said cheerfully: "Let's go to kindergarten together tomorrow!" It made me sad. The tableware hit the refrigerator with the water flow, and the refrigerator door opened in response: Seeing this, I came back to my senses.Now I'm in the water, and Liye is in crisis, which doesn't allow me the leisure to recall the past.Just when I made this judgment and paddled to change direction, a lot of food flew out of the refrigerator; "Spinach" kept spinning, and "Mackerel Pieces" didn't seem to realize that they had been chopped into pieces, and they were still swimming leisurely; " "Margarine with the lid open" moved under the coating of colorful oil film, "grilled shrimp" swayed vigorously as if regaining life, "boiled asparagus" rose like a missile, and the residue of "noodle thread" spread out Come. Oh my god...it's all about stuff that doesn't concern me.With so much "substance" overflowing, why do I only need Wennan and Liye?I found myself tasting a fresh taste of anger. Why can't all kinds of "substances" and "discourses" flooding the world have an impact on us? Others other than us seem to be consuming a lot of "materials" and "discourses" in the world while living: they buy and consume various "materials", listen to and speak various "discourses", and thereby obtain various aspects of life. emotion.However, we didn't do it, we couldn't do it.For us who only need each other, enough "material" is enough, too much becomes an obstacle, and so is "discourse".If it's just the three of us, there's almost no need to talk; but when other people insist on talking, we have to explain, lie, or make claims.I understand indifferently: buying and consuming "materials", absorbing and sending out "discourses" are the necessary materials for a smooth life. How easy would it be to be someone who is interested in "material" and "language" and needs others?I hope to have more "substances", to pour out more "discourses", to give people a good impression, and to make people understand themselves-if the thinking circuit can become like this, how good would it be? I've been sucked into this vortex of temptation because I've felt acutely how detrimental our closure is to being alive in the world.If the vast majority of other people who inhabit the planet are humans, we are dinosaurs; poor dinosaurs with no diversity facing a racial crisis. My dinosaur continued to swim, but there was no sign of Liye. The body began to thirst for new oxygen, the pain was splitting, it was difficult to breathe, and the sensation in the hands and feet was gradually lost.We need to find Liye as soon as possible.I continued to swim around the house, but my eyes were full of unnecessary "substances", and I couldn't find Liye.Liye, where is Liye?I have the urge to call my sister's name, but I can't shout in water, and I can't waste oxygen; so I endured until the urge passed, and then I peeked behind the "TV", under the "table" and behind the "curtain", but there was still no pear. .Why?Why exactly? "nail clippers", "lighter", "miniature mirror", "deodorant", "key ring", "socks", "towel", "newspaper", "watch", "camera", "nail polish", "Taro", "glasses"... there are countless "substances" that have nothing to do with me. Why is the only existence I pursue disappearing?Nothing can replace our pears! I can't bear to go to kindergarten...or I should say I can't bear to be separated from Wennan and me, and to be shut up with the transparent "others". Whenever the stroller comes to pick me up, I will start to lose my temper: Ye made a fuss with all his strength, so intense that Mom had to use all her breastfeeding strength to pull her out of the house.The mother, who was puzzled by such a daughter, handed Liye four thumb-sized "dolls" one day; according to the mother, the thing with conspicuous and poor seam marks seemed to simulate father, mother, me and Wen Nan made.Mom smiled and said to Li Ye: "When you feel sad in kindergarten, you can secretly look at these 'dolls'." She seemed to think that Li Ye refused to go to kindergarten because she was homesick.Of course, Li Ye's resistance was not due to the loneliness of being away from home, but naturally I couldn't criticize it, so I could only affirm mother's strategy with a hypocritical smile.On the other hand, Liye was very happy after receiving the "wall", and obediently went to kindergarten: but the effect of the "wall" only lasted for a few days... No, from the beginning, the "wall" had no effect, Li Yeah just being lied to. "No!" Li Ye threw Wennan's and I's "baby" to the ground. "It's just a 'baby'! It's not Liye's brother! A brother is a brother, not a 'baby'!" That's right, we are not "dolls".Nothing can replace me, Wen Nan and Li Ye. There is no substitute for any of the "substances" in abundance. So, if I lose pears...will I look for a replacement?Of course, I understand that this is futile, but I still try to imagine something that can replace Riya. "Classmates", "Family", "Teacher", "Wine", "Knife", "Sun", "Music", "Curry Rice", "Woman", "Toothbrush", "Piano", "Dictionary", " "thermometer", "cabbage", "castanets", "desk", "magazine", "orange", "medicine", "key", "bones", "lotion", "magnet", "dog", "Scarf", "Lover", "Precious Valentine", "Very Precious Valentine", "Garlic", "Computer", "Washing Machine", "Chocolate"... Still no, there is no substitute.How would I go about living in a world full of other people without Riya? ... No, no, no, don't make such assumptions, I just need to find Riya.Riya, Riya, where are you?If you don't find her quickly, it will be bad: How much air is there in Li Ye's lungs? Anxiety made my heart beat faster, my breathlessness became more unbearable, my nose and mouth bubbled, and my thoughts became clouded.I'm close to the limit of patience, but I haven't found Riya yet.My body and mind were defeated by the triple suffering of anxiety, despair, and pain, and my strength was disappearing at a violent speed. Then, for a fraction of a second, my consciousness vanished. Vision dimmed. When I came back to my senses, I was lying next to the paper door. Somehow, the pain lessened, why...?No, this kind of thing is irrelevant, as long as the pain is relieved, it is best, since you can move, move quickly.I put my hands on the floor, propped myself up, and glanced at the closed paper door; the brown patterned paper door reminded me of something immediately.Yes, yes, "time"! Our "time"!Riya is in the Japanese room. Why didn't you find out sooner?I hate myself for being dull, but now I don't even have time to resent.I stretched out my hand to pull the paper door, but it couldn't be opened because the wooden frame absorbed moisture and swelled. Even with my hands, it still didn't move, which made my anxiety reach its peak.Damn, dammit dammit dammit!Why can't it be opened, it's only a little bit away, Liye is inside, goddamn goddamn it, hurry up and open it!I spit air bubbles and shook the paper door desperately. The door opened suddenly. A "feather quilt" flew out of the Japanese room and wrapped around my body.I bumped into the ceiling of the Japanese room as stupidly as a sushi roll material, and the more I tried to break free, the more the water-absorbed "feather comforter" clung to my body.Although I couldn't move, I still moved my whole body unwillingly and observed the situation in front of me. At this moment, I found that the "quilt" that had been separated from the "quilt" was shaking unsteadily while being pulled towards the living room.This is a signal?Or just a change in water flow?All the "substances" that existed in the Japanese room began to move, the "pillow" jumped left and right, the "alarm clock" turned and rose while turning, and the "blanket" moved limply like a dying catfish.这些东西全涌向我打开的纸门，追随“被单”流出和室；拘束着我的“羽毛被”也跟着松开，缓缓地朝纸门前进。我的身体下降，不久后落到榻榻米上。我以为和室中的所有“物质”皆已消灭，便站了起来；谁知并非如此，“粉红色凉被”仍在壁橱旁浮游着。 “粉红色凉被”、“粉红色凉被”、“粉红色凉被”、“粉红色凉被”、“粉红色凉被”！，“粉红色凉被”，这是我、文男与梨耶共有“时间”时使用的物品，对不需要外界事物的我们而言，是唯一的例外。 我拿起“粉红色凉被”并紧紧抱住它。照理说，在水中嗅觉应已丧失，但我却确实闻到了三人的汗水与体味，这让我在绝望的洪水中初次尝到了安心滋味。对，就是这个，就是这种感觉，文男和梨耶的感觉—它带给我安心，和梨耶丢掉的“娃娃”不一样，是无可替代的。 在这瞬间……壁橱的门自动开启了。 梨耶在里头，如沉睡般地躺着。 如沉睡般地死亡。 it's over. 我们的“时间”完全丧失了。 ……我们三人每到半夜，确认爸妈都熟睡了以后，便会悄悄起床。所有毛孔应声而开，性急地吸收氧气；呆滞的脑髓觉醒，血液流动，促使体温上升……心脏开始活动，日常空间中停止的身体机能完全回复。存在于这个世界的所有“他人”沉沉入眠的半夜，正是我们的“时间”。 梨耶似乎等不及已近在眼前的“时间”到来，兴奋不已，全身像弹簧般伸缩—文男担心她发出的声音吵醒爸妈，连忙压住她的肩膀，但梨耶并未因此冷静下来，反而开始晃动双脚。我和文男面面相，露出苦笑，因为我们也了解梨耶的心情。我们也和梨耶一样，处于极度的兴奋与欢喜之中。不过，若是因此容许梨耶的行动，可能会吵醒爸妈，进而失去今晚的“时间”：因此我将食指放上嘴唇，示意她安静。梨耶终于想象出自己的行动可能招致何种结果，倏地安分下来。文男放开梨耶后，便蹑手蹑脚地走向折好放在窗下的“粉红色凉被”：梨耶见文男那近乎滑稽的慎重态度似乎觉得好笑，开始窃笑起来，我也笑了，文男亦跟着笑。那是我们三人当天的第一个真正笑容—白天被丢在“他人”之中，处于全无感觉的状态，发自内心的笑容根本不存在。 见文男手持“粉红色凉被”回来，我们爬出被窝，朝壁橱迈进。我小心翼翼地打开门，以免发出声音：壁橱中充满着异常浓密的黑暗，我们大为满足，陶陶然地眯起眼睛。 我们进入壁橱。 接着，拉扯事先绑好的细绳，从内侧关上门。 眼前是一片黑暗。 完全没有光线，因此即使再怎么习惯黑暗，依旧是一片漆黑，什么也看不见。 我解开分布于精绅各部分的紧张丝线，瞬间，神经的丝弦尽其所能地松弛，无力地垂落；一股由衷安心、如梦似幻的幸福包围着我。 文男将“粉红色凉被”盖在我们头上。 我们三人缩在“粉红色凉被”里。 尽可能地相互依偎，如沉睡般地闭上眼睛。 我、文男和梨耶，想象着三人融合的情景。 而实际上，我们也融合了。 三人的热气与体温充斥于密闭的“粉红色凉被”内部，我们开始流汗。这就是我们每晚度过的“时间” 可是，可是，梨耶已不在了。 我们永远无法体验“时间”了。 只能在毫无关系的他人中生活。 大洪水夺走了梨耶，夺走了我们的“时间”。 It has ended. 不过，好奇怪……失去梨耶的我，内心并未发生任何变化。我原以为会有股色调如糖浆般的浓厚绝望占据体内，增幅爆发，却什么也没发生，甚至连悲伤之情也无。what the hell is it?为何我没有反应？我以为是吞噬自己的悲伤太过庞大，以致于无法察觉，但似乎又非如此。 我能断言，我不悲伤。 Huh? Why? Why? 身为我一部分的梨耶，“无可取代”的梨耶死了，为何我没有深陷于悲痛及绝望之中？ 莫非我的“他人”观如此强烈，甚至令我对梨耶的死毫不在意？当我如此推测的瞬间，便完全明白了。震惊于这个“事实”的我，因为它太过意外、凶暴、残忍及美丽，甚至忘了自己身在水中，张开嘴巴想大声吼叫。 对……没错，正是如此。 我根本不需要任何事物。 “文男”、“梨耶”、“粉红色凉被”，我全都不需要。 只要我存在，便已足够。 我如此确信。我不“需要”“他人”，也不需要我们三“人”“融合”，，只要我存在，便可“封闭”。在我的“世界”中，“他人”、“文男”、“梨耶”都是“不必要”的。理解了这一点的我，想必会和以前一样……不，是比以前更加不对“他人”做任何“主张”—在没有“文男”与“梨耶”的情况下，度过“完美”的“时间”。我察觉自己真的丧失了对万物的“兴趣”。我将无视被这场荒谬“大洪水”吞没的小镇，无视我一直以为“必要”的“文男”与“梨耶”，陷入极为幸福的自毒作用，，没有“文男”与“梨耶”，不使用“粉红色凉被”，永恒地持续舒适的“时间”。我再也无须面对麻烦的问题，无须演无聊的戏，也不必对将来感到不安；一切都会消失，只留下幸福。这似乎非常非常地美好，无须烦恼“话语”与“物质”的世界多么美好，啊！多么美好啊！ 我觉得豁然开朗。 看在“他人”眼里，或许我是朝着“错误”的方向豁然开朗吧！但无所谓，我的“自我封闭”没“软弱”到被“这点程度”的小事影响，我的豁然开朗是相当强烈的。现在的我没打算做“任何”“陈迤”，“没有”打算做“任何”“主张”。对，“没错”，我“完全”“没”“打算”“做”“任何”“说明”，“连”“发出”“这些”“词语”“的意义”“也”“已”“完全”“丧失”“。” 我的封闭是完美完美完美的无可救药地完美完美完美的甚至可以抛开一切过去的我虽不在乎“外界”但仍免不了投以关注的视线现在的我可以完全“阻隔”不再挂怀因为我正被“大洪水”侵袭身处淹没的家中即使是再有力的“他人”也“无法”纠正非难指责我即使纠正非难指责我也绝对传不到我耳中。 当我感受到这股喜悦充满体内的瞬间，也明白肺中的氧气量已然归零。我不痛苦，是因为我的身体正迈向死亡。然而，“我的”“身体”“正”“迈向”“死亡”等“字眼”，也无法让我感到惊讶或恐惧。 即使是夺走一切的“死”，也和现在的我没有关连，无法产生关连。 这种“自我封闭”是完美的。 只要有我，我就满足了。 除此以外，什么也不需要。 可以安心了，没问题了。指尖的麻痹变得更为强烈，传遍全身，令我无法动弹，无法逃脱；但“自我封闭”当然不会因此产生一丝紊乱。啊……就连“死”“活”这等素来被认为最大最强的概念，都已经无所谓了。获得如此强烈的“自我封闭”，令我有些吃惊，我到达了什么境界？ 我试图举手高呼万岁以表达欣喜之情，却因麻痹而无法如愿。 尸体与…… 少女诞生并死亡，得年九岁。为了治愈天生的重病，少女不断与病魔奋战，直到生命终止的那一天：而少女的双亲也不吝惜治疗费，没钱了就变卖田地。少女捱过数次手术，医生也使尽了浑身解数；但疾病却未能治愈，少女的身体逐渐衰弱，肌肤变白，身子消瘦，最后卧床不起。即使如此，少女仍未放弃，以笑容度过每个日子：大家都爱着少女，每当她暂时出院，双亲及亲戚便会举办盛大的派对，医生及护士们也竭尽全力，以求让她早一日真正出院。然而，少女死了。某天深夜，她突然大量咳血，就此撒手人寰。夜班护士准备的水桶，装满了她吐出的血。少女带着苦闷的表情死去，翻白的眼球略微凸起，太阳穴浮现血管，染血的嘴唇极为扭曲。有生以来不断与病魔缠斗的少女，最后留下的只有这种悲痛的表情吗？目睹少女往生的其中一名护士如此感叹，并流下了悲伤的泪水。流了更多眼泪的，是少女的双亲。少女的父亲因绝望而失去气力，无心工作—少女的母亲因打击过大而反射性自杀，被前来帮忙的亲戚制止。让这样的双亲更加痛心的，是少女的遗容。极尽扭曲的那张脸，正露骨地呈现少女隐藏于笑容面具下的本质——如此认为的父亲，一想到女儿在自己眼前忍着多少苦痛，便不住悲叹自己的无知及无力；然而，无论他如何后悔、反省，女儿已回不来了，自己的心情也不会因此平复。于是，为了让自己的精神多少安定一些，父亲决定对少女的尸体施以防腐处理；然而，母亲坚决反对。女儿的身体动了那么多次刀，内外部已然残破不堪，现在变成尸体厂，还要折磨她吗？母亲如此激烈地逼问，父亲则拼死说服她：结果，一开始坚持没得商量的母亲，在谈到修复少女表情一节时，便有了极大的转变。母亲和父亲一样痛心于自己的无力，并为此深戚痛苦；女儿的表情复原，意味着自己的反省之处将消灭。听完这个提议，母亲刻意酝酿出不情不愿的气氛，点头答应了：父亲虽然看穿她一连串的演技，却没说破。决定保存尸体后，少女的尸体便被送往防腐室。加拿大籍的的防腐师见了安置于桌上的少女尸体脸上挂着的表情，觉得极为不忍：这么幼小的少女已尝尽苫头而死，如今友情仍如此扭曲，彷佛成厂尸体后依旧痛苦一般——他觉得少女实在太过悲惨，便决心尽早替她处理。他将消毒液喷洒至少女全身，杀光附着于体表的微生物与细菌，并以清水洗净：接着除去塞在耳、鼻、口、肛门、阴道的棉花，清洗头发，剃光胎毛，剪去指甲。由于眼球凸起，少女的眼皮无法完全闭阖：对此感到同情与不快的防腐师放入透明的塑胶制眼盖，将眼球回归原位。接着，为了防止干燥，他在少女的口内放入护齿套，铺上脱脂棉并涂抹凡士林。作业结束后，防腐师试图阖上少女的嘴巴，但试了好几次，她扭曲的口总是立刻又开启。防腐师一面寻思少女是否哀叫得还不够，一面替上颚与下颚穿针引线，过度地缝合。闭上眼睛与嘴巴的少女，与初时相比已然好上许多，但防腐师尚未满足，，他希望能让她变得更美，替她安上微笑、喜悦、处于幸福中心般的表情。防腐师拿起手术刀，将胯下的一部分切开，拉出动脉，并以木棒支撑，以免动脉缩回；对静脉亦是如法炮制。接着他将管子插入动脉，注入药液，又切开静脉，藉着药液压力将血液挤出，进而交换药液与血液。作业中，防腐师为了提升药液循环，替少女的尸体按摩。冰冷、僵硬且削瘦的身体，是防腐师习惯的触感，，一想到这触感是发自早夭的少女尸体，他便一阵惆怅。他处理因用药过量而罹患意识障碍的青年尸体与因电车事故而变为十二块的尸体时，都未曾浮现这种念头；虽然是工作，对小孩的尸体进行防腐处理仍令他惆怅万分。一想象少女双亲的心情，他便强烈想念起自己将满七岁的儿子。待确认药液已行遍全身后，防腐师转换情绪，将器具插入肚脐上方，依序排除膀胱、盲肠、肝脏、右肋膜、左肋膜、胃、结肠的水分及流动物，接着将浓度更高的液体注入内脏，进行防腐与杀菌。完成后，重新缝合切开部位及手术痕迹，一面进行最终确认，一面以消毒液再度洗净全身，拿毛巾擦拭身体，并以吹风机吹干尸体及盾的黑发，再替脸部上妆。见尸体的表情已变得如同安眠于幸福的梦中一般，防腐师感到大为满足，认为自己终于将她从痛苦中解放了。最后，他替少女穿上少女双亲交给他的白色洋装与白色布鞋。听说少女双亲的梦想，是等少女病愈后，让她穿着这身洋装与布鞋尽情玩耍，直到弄脏弄黑。见到少女的尸体包覆于没有一丝绉折的洋装与没有一点脏一污的布鞋之中，防腐师发觉自己的满足感急速萎靡，只想早点回家。少女的尸体穿着生前从未穿过的洋装与布鞋，同到了她的家。因长期与病魔搏斗与死前喀血而扭曲的遗容变得极为安详，令双亲戚到强烈的喜悦与深深的安心。母亲一面拭泪，一面凝视着遗体，说她看起来宛若还活着一般，忍不住唤了她的名字；父亲虽明白母亲的行为只是徒劳无功，却没加以阻止，因为他也抱着些微的期待——或许女儿会回应这声呼唤。葬礼开始了，列席者们一面反复地怜悯哀叹，一面流泪。每个人都爱着少女，没有人讨厌少女。少女笑，每个人都高兴；少女哭，每个人都悲伤。过去的同学们一面呜咽，一面向棺木中的少女道别。虽然少女的人生几乎都在医院度过，但小学二年级九月到十二月的三个月间，她曾去上学；当时的同学与导师在之后也持续和她交游，时而赠送录影带，时而赠送干纸鹤，直到少女的病况严重恶化为止。其中一个孩子开始放声哭泣，眼泪一瞬间传播开来，过去的同学们一齐大哭，哭声充满了法事会场。孩子流下的眼泪掉落至遗体上，泪珠并未滑动。亲戚们进行最后道别的时刻到了，少女的遗体包围于各色各样的花卉之中。大了少女两岁的堂姊满脸涕泪，将小熊玩偶放入棺中；这是少女最喜欢的玩偶，但真正的主人是堂姊，而由于堂姊也极爱这个玩偶，是以偶尔才借给少女玩。堂姊很后悔，一面哭泣一面想着：要是早知道她会死得这么早，就该把玩偶送给她了。堂姊思索片刻，拿出放入棺中的小熊玩偶，抓住少女的手。少女的手极为冰冷，堂姊在惊讶之馀，也感到有点思心：但堂姊忍着思心感，扳开少女的手指，让她握住玩偶。堂姊想到这么一来少女就能和小熊玩耍，便感到安心。 看着堂姊行为的亲戚们嚎啕大哭，少女的母亲再也无法忍耐，叫着女儿的名字并抱住尸体，没有人阻止她。母亲的眼泪滴落遗体的脸庞，泪珠并未滑动。亲戚们盖上棺木并封棺，做好出殡的准备。身为丧主的父亲向众人致意；虽然他脑中一片空白，不知道自己说了些什么，但他绝不会忘记谎称少女死时面容安详之事。每个人都爱着少女，他不愿说出少女是死于剧烈的痛苫之中，也不愿被任何人知道。亲戚们将棺木放上灵车，自己则坐上小巴士。灵车驾驶确认棺木已上车后，便驶往火葬场。得知今天的棺木中装的是染病身故的年幼少女，驾驶喃喃地说道：真是太残酷了。十年前，驾驶因事故而失去了年幼的独生女；为了忘却这个痛苦，他开始喝酒，妻子因而离去，自己则因肝脏毁损而住院。虽然过了一阵子他出院了，却又因酗酒而再度入院。助手座上的葬仪社男子正是当时认识的：因相同疾病住进相同病房的两人意气相投，男人听完驾驶的遭遇后深感同情，并给厂他这份灵车驾驶工作。驾驶心知这是重新做人的机会，认真地工作：虽然妻子与女儿已经不会再回来了，但他告诉自己人生还没结束，该清醒了。他也曾被酒精诱惑，但工作上不能喝酒，再说葬礼刚结束，尸体就摆在后头，喝酒未免太过恬不知耻。身为一个活生生的人，一面载运想活却无法活命的人一面喝酒，是非常可耻的；既然自己还活着，有空喝酒不如好好工作——虽然他没受过这种教育，但他自发性地思考并忠实地遵从这个原则。驾驶载运尸体，不断地载运尸体：在沉默的尸体与一向坐在助手座上的葬仪社男人的守护之下，他的新生活上了轨道。他已习惯放空脑袋生活，但只有女儿的事他无法忘怀；尤其是像这次一样死者是小孩、见到父亲深深地陷入极度悲伤时，过去的影像便会重叠，令他产生强烈头疼，并回想起酒的滋味。然而，驾驶未曾屈服于酒精的诱惑：他告诉自己不能再次堕落。葬仪社男人呼唤驾驶的名字，问他：没事吧？驾驶不知男人何出此言，一脸疑惑；男人指他的脸上全是汗水，驾驶连忙拭汗，黏答答的汗水附着在他的手背上，让他吓了一眺。对于此事，驾驶不置一词，只是看着照后镜，确认跑在背后的小巴士；巴士载着已成了不归人的少女的家人。驾驶希望他们能努力活下去，别因为失去孩子而自暴自弃、酗酒或眷恋过去；希望他们能看着现实活下去，别像自己一样绕了一大圈才重新出发，而是顺利地回复日常生活。为此，他必须让这场葬礼完美地结束；所谓丧葬文化，或许便是从充满悲剧的非日常回归日常的手续吧！思及此，他重新握好方向盘。灵车与小巴士驶出小镇，朝着前方的火葬场而去；当灵车转弯时，前轮爆胎了。驾驶慌忙转动方向盘，却成了反效果，灵车连转了好几圈，护栏近在眼前，而护栏外便是悬崖。一阵冲击袭来，驾驶一面呻吟一面微微张开眼睛确认情况，只见灵车侧面撞上护栏，严重损毁：葬仪社男人的脑袋被压烂，血液与脑浆的溷合物弄脏了上半身。目睹此状的驾驶无法抗拒涌现的呕吐戚而张开嘴巴，却只能吐出少量唾液，，他感到不可思议，垂下视线，只见方向盘嵌进腹部，胃袋里的东西已从洞里跑出来。驾驶断气的前一刻，透过照后镜看了后方一眼；灵车的后门开着，棺木已不见踪影，掉下悬崖了。棺木朝着崖下的白桦林笔直坠落，撞上其中一株白桦而毁坏；少女的尸体飞出，大量的花卉也跟着勐烈地飞散开来。棺木成了盾牌，白桦树枝又成了缓冲，少女的尸体毫发无伤地落至地而。尸体就这么留在原地，虽受阳光照射，但尸体不会流汗，脸上的澹妆并未因此脱落：又因为经过防腐处理，短时间内更无腐败之虞。少女的尸体既不散乱也不腐坏，就这么静静地待在白桦林中。发现少女尸体的，是一名少年。少年捕完昆虫，正住回家的路上：今天的成果在笼子里来回爬动，他心满意足地快步踏上归途，突然有个白色物体映入视角，他朝那方……掣去，才发现少女的尸体。少年跑近尸体，经过完善防腐处理的少女看在少年眼中并不像尸体，只像个掉在地上的精美娃娃；但这娃娃的皮肤质感又太过逼真，因此少年转而猜测她是否在睡觉。然而，他发现少女的身体丝毫不动，极不自然，又判断并非沉睡：接着他回到原先的念头，推测她果然是个娃娃，并加以触摸。冰冷僵硬的触感与人类截然不同，令少年联想到石头；但他左思右想，依旧确信这是人类，而毫不动弹的人类，便是尸体。少年明白自己发现了不得了的东西，被焦急情感吞没，全速奔离树林。少女的尸体被遗留下来，无法融入林中；因为短时间内不会腐败与分解，不能归于尘土；又因为全身充满药味，动物也不当成食物。少女的尸体是孤独的，即使散落于周围的花朵被风吹走，她依然留在原地。方才的少年回来了，他的身后跟着一名青年；青年是少年的邻居，少年打从心里信赖这位大了他一轮的青年，甚至更胜于信赖双亲。少年对自己的双亲漠不关心，他们从不曾做过也不曾赐予自己任何快乐、有趣、了不起的事，但青年不同。少年囚过于信赖，注视着青年的眼睛里甚至因亢奋而含着泪水。青年曾带给他许多未知的体验，让他试射空气枪，带他去露营，教他弹乐器，让他在屋后的工地开车，给了他许多双亲小曾给予的刺激及经验。他认为青年什么都懂，处理尸体对青年而言定是家常便饭。然而，在少年热烈视线注视之下的青年，其实毫无尸体的相关知识：自国中时外婆因罹患糖尿病及痴呆死亡以来，这还是他头一次看见尸体，而他的胆子并没大到能若无其事地面对突然出现的尸体，因此他的心中又焦急又恐惧。得去报警——这个念头支配着青年，他从口袋中拿出手机，打算拨打一一〇，却又转念，回过头来俯瞰少女的尸体。与少年一样，青年也觉得她不像尸体，甚至觉得美丽。青年的性癖好极为正常，并没有恋尸癖；饶是如此，他仍旧觉得少女的尸体美丽。见她苍白的肌肤、上了死人妆的嘴唇与光泽未失的黑发，他不禁想道：虽然她死了，却还保有色彩。外婆的尸体没有色彩，从任何角度看来，都只是失去生命的物体。外婆总以微薄的老人年金给他零用钱，在他被母亲斥责时出面缓颊；偶尔去外婆家玩时，外婆便会带着满脸的皱纹，准备大量的点心迎接他。外婆痴呆后，已经认不得谁是谁了；外婆死后，青年整理家中时，发现了一只写有自己姓名的信封，里头放着三十万圆及一张写着“对不起，外婆只有这么点钱可以给你”的信纸。看着外婆的尸体时，青年没有这些感觉，，但见了这个不知姓名、来历的少女遗体，自己竟然觉得她美丽，这让青年大为震惊。这种感觉立即化为占有欲：青年触摸少女的尸体，尸身是冰冷的。站在身旁的少年交互打量着青年与尸体，发现这道视线的青年便对少年说道：剩下来的我会处理，你可以先回去。对青年寄予全面信赖的少年更加提升了青年的评价，用