Chapter 19 Chapter Eighteen

Thomas was exhausted and even more jittery.He just got out of the shower, wrapped in a towel, sitting on the sofa in the living room watching TV, changing the channel every 30 seconds.He didn't know what he was looking for, maybe a comedy like Family Guy, something shorter.He stared at the TV with burning eyes, and vague thoughts gradually formed in his mind.If he's really paying attention to the show, he doesn't need to deal with these thoughts. He was watching a rap compilation where ugly guys were swinging by the pool of a fancy mansion with a bunch of beautiful strippers.He thought of his parents.For Thomas, Lars has always represented authority, and Thomas needs to work hard to please.He always felt the imminent pressure, always felt that he was doomed to let Lars down because he was really not good at anything.Lars had told him many times that the most important thing for him was to be Lars' son.But now that Lars is gone, all those stressful headaches are gone with him.Moira had been so cold and distant, but here she was, warm.If they never spoke again, if she never woke up again tonight because of an overdose, Thomas knew that tonight would be the best memory they had: talking together, making eye contact, her apologizing to him.

He knew that he didn't deserve either Moira's warmth or the joy of Lars' departure.Just after he did such a thing, he ushered in such two incredible good fortunes.this is not right.It feels like Hitler won the lottery. He moved his bum on the damp towel and changed the channel.The shark opened its jaws in the murky blue waters and made a beeline for the cameraman.He thought of Sarah Errol at the top of the stairs.As she grabbed the banister and descended the first step, he saw her naked ass.Squeak bumped into his shoulder as he rushed by.Squeak reached out and pulled Sarah's hair.blond hair.Many different colors, gold, black, yellow, even white, then pink and scarlet.As she was pulled back, strands of hair fell out and hung in Squeak's fist.

A trill made him sit up, and he looked around, suddenly realizing that it was his phone, still in the duffel bag in the next room, on the floor of his bedroom.Nanny Mary left it there after she was called to see Moira and told she was fired.He walked over slowly, took out his phone, and saw the name on the screen: Squeak. Thomas held the phone and watched it ring.Squeak wanted to threaten him.It's very sad.He wanted to tie it all back together: you took me to the wrong house...Thomas didn't want to talk to each other.He imagined Squeak sitting in the dorm bathroom, sitting in the dark, because it was after lights out.Squeak must have been sitting on the toilet: the bathroom was small and that was the only place to sit.They had to turn their phones in at the dorm administration at the beginning of term and get them back at the weekend, but Squeak had an illegal phone, one for sexual stimulation.He was sitting in the dark, sitting on the toilet, calling on an illegal mobile phone, and waiting for the other party to answer.

Thomas pressed the green button and raised the phone to his ear, "Is that you?" He whispered that Squeak would get in trouble for hiding an illegal phone. "Yes, is that you?" "yes." "Still feeling sorry for your dad's death?" "No, no." "Did you hang yourself?" "Yes, on his lawn." Squeak laughed silently. He knew the lawn. Thomas watched the TV in the next room, the same Shark Show: Bloody Water. Squeak took a deep breath into the microphone, "I'm really sorry about what happened before." "yes."

"I don't know. I thought you confessed to someone and confessed me." "Bullshit." Thomas whispered, picking at a mark on the wall. "Yeah, I was taken aback." "No, it's just...you know," Thomas nodded, not wanting to sound like a big deal because it wasn't to him, "Lars is gone." "Well," Squeak understood, "are we all right?" "Of course. What's the matter today?" He could hear Squeak smiling. "I got an 89 on my pre-social science exam." "Good job!" "I know, want to know how many points you scored?"

"How many?" "46 points." Squeak laughed, because this point is really pitiful.Thomas laughed too, which was okay, social science was shit anyway, but that wasn't why Thomas was laughing, he was laughing because Squeak was messing with him, making fun of him, and that meant everything was fine. "You're fucking smug again," Thomas said gently. "I was dreaming of being a social scientist and you shattered my dream." "Yes," Squeak laughed. "Come on, is Ella home?" "Back tomorrow morning." "Well, tell her I miss her..." Thomas closed his eyes, knowing he was about to say something about her, with a sort of revulsion, "Just don't tell her what I'm doing when I'm thinking about her .”

"Yeah," Thomas warned, "she's only 12, man." "Hey," Squeak seemed annoyed at his tone, "I can marry her in Texas." "That's not right either." "In the Netherlands--" "No, buddy," Thomas insisted. "She's my sister. I hate her, but she's still my sister...you know." "Okay, okay, you fucking fuck off." He sounded annoyed. "Get the hell out of here," Thomas told him to hang up. "Okay," he conceded, "get lost..." Squeak said that, but he didn't mean anything, he wasn't interested in young girls at all, and Thomas knew that.If possible, he would be interested in a woman of Nanny Mary's age.He meant it as a compliment, imagining that getting a buddy's sister meant he didn't have an affair with a pig or a fat woman, but Thomas still resented Squeak talking like that because he had seen Squeak's phone The stuff in the movie, animals and anal and whatnot, he doesn't want the real him to have anything to do with that shit.

"I'm hanging up," Squeak said, before Thomas had a chance to say goodbye. Thomas threw the phone on the bed, looking at it with chagrin as if it were Squeak's porn phone.He turned his heels and his eyes fell on Sarah Errol's naked butt as she held onto the banister as she descended the first step, and he felt a bump on his shoulder as Squeak passed him, Squeak His hand reached out and grabbed her hair.And then the hand, the white knuckles, because Squeak held it so tight, her feet moved even though her head couldn't move, and she fell, rolling down the stairs to the bottom, Squeak crouching Coming down, still holding the lock of hair until it fell out, he followed her down to the bottom of the stairs and looked back at Thomas, excited, happy, as if he couldn't believe his good luck, as if every Christmas he had together, and he doesn't know how he got what only good kids get.

Thomas looked at the phone on the bed and felt another wave of nausea that gently echoed the one he felt when he looked at Squeak at the bottom of the stairs, a heavy sadness, the world was shaking, his head seemed to be filled with oil. He had denied that awareness when they were on that staircase, but he could face it now: if they knocked you down, anyone would do that to you.anyone.