Chapter 21 spring mud

How could it be him?How could it be him? On the way back to City T, this thought came up again and again, tormenting Chen Ziyu's heart like a torture of the soul.How he wished the whole thing was somewhere, somewhere wrong.However, this is the most reasonable and concise answer.When he saw that portrait, his subconscious mind might have seen that person's face, so he felt familiar, but he immediately put that thought aside.Perhaps in his subconscious mind, he refused to face it at all. After getting off the plane, the first thing he did was to take a taxi to Yuan Ye's house, but he was shocked to find that there was no one there.He immediately went to the hospital where Su Qin worked, only to find out that Su Qin had also asked for personal leave.Where are these two people?With Yuan Ye's physical condition, where can he go?What did that woman do to him?Chen Ziyu was so worried that he immediately called the police stations in the various areas where the police school classmates were, even if it was a human flesh search, he had to find Yuan Ye and Su Qin.

After a long kiss, Yuan Ye felt a little dizzy. Su Qin raised her face, panting slightly: "Are you okay?" "En." Yuan Ye closed his eyes, with a happy smile on his lips. Su Qin lowered her head again, her soft lips and tongue slid down Yuan Ye's neck, her collarbone all the way down, and stopped for a while when she passed the scar on her abdomen. She kissed the ugly scar well and for a long time, then raised her head: "Yes ?" "Very comfortable." The tip of Su Qin's tongue brushed over Yuan Ye's lower abdomen, and then he opened his mouth to hold the thing in his mouth. Yuan Ye's hand lightly pressed Su Qin's hair.

After a while, Yuan Ye said, "I...I can't do it anymore..." "No, you can. Relax, don't worry." Tears dripped from her eyes suddenly, Su Qin said in a low voice: "Anyway, in this life, I also want to give myself completely to you once. " Yuan Ye stopped talking, closed his eyes, and felt the soft tip of Su Qin's tongue and the warmth of his mouth. Gradually, a familiar feeling stirred from the depths of his body, and the pleasure gradually increased, rushing to the top of his head.Su Qin let go of him, and sat down slowly in a straddle position. Yuan Ye felt that his heart was beating desperately, as if it was about to break through the thin chest that was only covered by a thin layer of skin. The blood in his body seemed to no longer flow through the brain, but all concentrated in that place. The intense pleasure made him dizzy, and he On the one hand, he was worried that his weak body would not be able to bear it, but on the other hand, he trembled and longed for more intense pleasure. If he could die at this moment, it would be a good ending.

Su Qin panted and bent over Yuan Ye's chest, the sudden cooling of sweat made the skin on his chest a layer of chestnut.Yuan Ye asked in a hoarse voice, "How do you feel?" "It's great." Afraid that she was too heavy, Su Qin slid off him, lay down beside him, and stretched out an arm to wrap his arms around him: "It turns out that making love is such a joyful thing." "Yes." Yuan Ye closed his eyes and smiled, "I'm dead without regrets." Yuan Ye was dreaming again. This time it was a long, very happy dream.He dreamed that when he was in the police academy, he and Chen Ziyu played football together.His body was light and fluffy, and he swayed one person and another, never before so smoothly, his heart was pounding with excitement, and in his dream he thought a little strangely, hey, what happened to my heart? Can you withstand such a high-intensity exercise?Am I sick?Chen Ziyu seemed to be fighting for the ball with him, but was thrown away by him.Seeing that the Dragon Gate was right in front of him, Chen Ziyu's face was suddenly blocked in front of him.It turned out he was the goalkeeper!Yuan Ye made a fake move, raised his foot and kicked the football hard... At this moment, a familiar sharp pain suddenly returned to his body.

Yuan Ye opened his eyes. What came into view was Su Qin's face, looking down at him worriedly. "You finally woke up! Thank God." Su Qin said with tears in her eyes, "You have been in a coma for two days." Yuan Ye looked around slowly, and it turned out that he was no longer in that dilapidated small hotel, but was lying in a rather simple-looking hospital ward, with a tube attached to the back of his hand, and an instrument beeped softly. Through the oxygen mask, he smiled at Su Qin with difficulty: "I'm fine, I'm fine." At this time, a girl in a nurse's uniform ran over: "Hey, someone is looking for you."

Su Qin turned her head, Chen Ziyu was standing at the door of the emergency room, she was stunned. Yuan Ye knew why Chen Ziyu came here.At that moment, he was suddenly a little relieved, it was great that he could meet him before he died. "What are you doing here?" Su Qin stepped forward subconsciously. Chen Ziyu didn't look at her, but only looked at Yuan Ye who was lying on the hospital bed. "Doctor Su, can I ask you to go out for a while? I have a few words that I want to say to Datou alone." Su Qin became nervous: "No, just tell me if you have anything to say. What else do you want to say in his current situation?"

Yuan Ye interrupted her hoarsely: "It's okay. I also have something to say to him." "But..." Su Qin looked at Yuan Ye worriedly. "It's okay." Yuan Ye smiled with difficulty. Seeing Su Qin's figure disappear behind the door, Chen Ziyu turned around. Yuan Ye looked at him with calm eyes. "You already know everything, right?" He asked weakly. Chen Ziyu nodded, but then shook his head again. "I really can't believe it, how could it be you." "Yes, I did it." Yuan Ye said: "I found out the time of his activities, and then, huh, huh, I stunned him in the bath with a mini stun gun, and he didn't make a sound .I dressed him, carried him to the bed, and made the scene suicidal."

"How did you get into his house?" Chen Ziyu approached him: "That's right, for a master lockpicker like you, the locks of more than half of the houses in the city can't lock you, let alone low-rent houses. What about the tattered locks. But there should be marks on the skin after the electric shock?" "I guess when you found the body, he should have started to rot. Because a little bastard like him who has no relatives and no friends, if it wasn't for the smell of the body, no one would notice... But just in case, I put the stun gun in the water."

"You wiped off the fingerprints on the medicine bottle?" "That's right. Because Su Qin gave him the potion," Yuan Ye panted, and said, "You should be able to find the remaining potion ingredients in his bathroom. If there is no medicine bottle, I'm afraid you will be suspicious. But I can't let Su Qin's fingerprints stay on it, it's too dangerous." "Then why didn't you wipe off the fingerprints on the knife?" "Knife?" Yuan Ye was a little at a loss. "You don't know that Su Qin once brought a knife to Ding Yi?"

I see.Chen Ziyu thought. "I... I thought that once you checked his records, you would find that he owed a large amount of gambling debts... But Zhou Huo did me a favor. He found someone to wash the red paint, which would save trouble. There is no need to investigate, and the case will be closed.” "Actually, I should have thought that someone who can mislead us so successfully must be someone who is very familiar with our internal operations." "That day, you told me that the bureau had closed the case. I heard that you still had doubts, but I don't know when you will find out." Yuan Ye slightly moved the corner of his mouth: "I've been waiting for you to ask me, and I won't deny it."

Chen Ziyu lowered his head: "Do you know how shocked I was when I guessed it was you?" Yuan Ye looked at Chen Ziyu, his eyes became warm: "I'm sorry, I know you have always regarded me as a brother." A feeling similar to sadness surged in Chen Ziyu's heart, and he turned his head to look in another direction: "It's not just because of this reason." He whispered: "It's because you are the only person I've ever met who believes in your inner beliefs." "When we were drinking together that day, you told me that the job of the police is to pursue justice. You know, after I heard this, I admired you very much. I thought this was a very noble idea and very respectable. How can I imagine that a person like you would know how to break the law and overthrow all your beliefs in life?" Yuan Ye closed his eyes, as if thinking about how to answer his question. The room was very quiet, except for the hiss of breathing from the oxygen mask. After a while, Yuan Ye said: "Ziyu, do you know that when I just found out about my illness, I hated Su Qin. I even hated you, and I hated all healthy people who can still live I feel so scared, no one can say I'm scared. I'm afraid of death, and I can't sleep all night. The most ridiculous thing is that I find that I hate the world that still exists after I die. It was me who was so afraid of death, and the feeling of dying alone. Until I met her." Ding Yi will not let Su Qin go, Yuan Ye knows it better than anyone else.He was also keenly aware that Ding Yi hadn't told himself the whole truth.On the one hand, he pretended to believe Ding Yi's words, actively sold the house and gave him money, creating an illusion that everything would be done with money, and on the other hand, he cleverly tricked the truth out of Ding Yi's mouth.He secretly investigated Su Qin and everyone else. Long before Su Qin told him everything, he had met Baishi and confirmed everything back then. When he decided to do that, the blind pain he'd had since cancer finally became a clear goal.He's no longer just cursing to escape.He finally understood what he was going to accomplish with the rest of his life. Maybe the gods gave him three months to complete that thing—to use his ruined life to exchange for the rebirth of a woman. I can't get a chance to be a new man, but Su Qin can get it.She deserves such an opportunity! If it's the last bad thing, let him do it. "What did Ding Yi do? Make you have to use this method to get married?" Yuan Ye closed his eyes. "What happened between Ding Yi and Su Qin?" Yuan Ye didn't speak. "What did you go to Shenzhen to investigate?" Chen Ziyu asked, "Is it related to the fire at Longtou Nightclub?" "Ziyu, you have to talk about evidence in handling a case." "Then tell me!" He slowly opened his eyes: "Can you keep a secret?" "certainly!" Yuan Ye looked at Chen Ziyu, with a painful smile like a stone carving on the corner of his mouth: "I can do it too." At this moment, Yuan Ye's gaze was sharp and treacherous, as if he had returned to Yuan Ye back then. He has made up his mind to use his death to seal everything. Yuan Ye's will to fight to the death made Chen Ziyu speechless for a moment. "At that time, you resigned suddenly just to do this?" "I've been a policeman all my life, so I can't get my clothes dirty." "Why? Your life's beliefs and ideals, the work that you are so sick that you are reluctant to let go, can you give up for that woman? You love her so much? Is it worth it?" Yuan Ye raised his eyes and looked up, as if looking through the ceiling to a higher and farther place. After a while, he said, "Ziyu, tell me, what kind of love is worth it, and what kind of love is not worth it?" Chen Ziyu was taken aback. "If you think it's silly for me to do this for a woman, you're totally wrong. Two people meet, go to bed, and get married if it's just to satisfy their sexual desires and reproduce offspring. Only think about yourself, work hard for yourself, and weigh every time you pay, what is the meaning of such a life?" Yuan Ye looked at Chen Ziyu's confused expression with a bit of sadness: "You don't I'll understand. I didn't understand it before either. Because I never thought about such a thing that much. At that time, I was too busy every day to think about it." Only after being sick, I have time to lie on the hospital bed, thinking about everyone's life, the wonderful and short life. "Su Qin...is a very poor woman. When I didn't know her before, I was obsessed with her, but after I knew the story of her life, I sympathized with her, I took pity on her, and I wanted to do my best Help her... yes, I love her that much." "Boss, after working as a job for a lifetime, you will understand that no matter what your reasons are, when you use means other than those permitted by the law to achieve your goal, it is a crime!" Yuan Ye smiled softly: "I have been pursuing fairness all my life, but in fact, life itself is a very unfair thing. Why do some people are happy? Why do some people suffer? Why do some people get rich and famous easily, while others risk their lives? And nothing?" Yuan Ye's voice was hoarse and low. Chen Ziyu listened to him very hard, but it always sounded like the ravings of a feverish person.He didn't quite understand, what did these have to do with the case they were discussing? The two looked at each other. At this moment of flashback, Yuan Ye's eyes were extremely clear and painful. "Ziyu, I'm about to die. In my whole life, I haven't gone through middle age, old age, only youth. All my youth has been devoted to upholding the law, the law of mankind. But when I come to the end of my life, standing Looking at the whole life from the perspective of death, the only thing I want to obey now is the law of God. Human beings make laws, but they just follow the will of God, which is to eliminate violence and bring peace..." Yuan Ye's words were hard to refute, and Chen Ziyu didn't even know whether he should refute him.Looking at the dying Yuan Ye, Chen Ziyu felt deeply guilty. It was a very strange feeling. He seemed to be sorry for his youth, his strength, and his long time to live. Chen Ziyu asked: "Did she ask you to do this?" "No, it's not." Yuan Ye's expression became a little anxious: "Don't tell her." Chen Ziyu was stunned again: "She didn't know everything you did for her?" "It's not easy for her to get rid of the shadow of the past. In her future life, I don't want to be another psychological burden for her," Yuan Ye gritted his teeth and endured the familiar colic pain in his body: "I only want her To live well, it is best to forget about me, so that she can start her own life as soon as possible, do you understand?" Chen Ziyu found it unbelievable that he had given her everything and done so much for her, but he only asked her not to remember herself and to live a good life. After a while, Chen Ziyu said, "No, I don't understand." Yuan Ye sighed lightly: "Ziyu, this is your problem." "my question?" Yuan Ye's dry and long fingers gently held Chen Ziyu's hand back, so light that he could hardly feel any strength.Behind the oxygen mask, Yuan Ye said weakly: "You always look for every motive of others with suspicion. You don't trust anyone because you are too afraid of being hurt. You never show your true feelings. You and your It's like a glass cover around you, others can't get close to you, and you will never understand that it takes all the pain and happiness to love someone." Chen Ziyu heard every word he said, but he didn't quite understand the meaning of Yuan Ye's words.But after that, it took him a long time to recall and understand.At this time, he suddenly remembered the words of the bar owner in Shenzhen named Pearl—because we are all the same kind of people.Very selfish, only oneself in the heart, always think that to love is to be loved.We don't know how to love others, everything is centered on our own feelings, and we will never imagine from the standpoint of others. This is the real reason why he can't understand Yuan Ye.Because he has never loved crazily, and he has never paid anything for love. He just looks for a partner because he is afraid of being lonely, and closes himself because he is afraid of being hurt.He thought he loved Cheng Lin, but at this moment he realized how superficial and pitiful his love was. After Cheng Lin cheated, apart from anger and blame, what did he do to save their relationship and their marriage? ?If Cheng Lin can forgive him for being selfish, why can't he forgive Cheng Lin for being lost? Yuan Ye looked at his expression and said in a hoarse voice: "Don't worry, you still have a lot of time, everything is still in time." Yuan Ye's hands were trembling, and Chen Ziyu's expression changed: "Big head, what's wrong with you?" "I... I beg you one last thing..." Behind the oxygen mask, Yuan Ye was gasping for breath. The sharp pain in his chest could no longer be suppressed. It broke out unprecedentedly, like every hidden cancer cell in his body was clamoring for activity, like a volcanic eruption. "Big head? Big head!" "This matter Let it go like this, please, don't investigate any more." God, may this be the last excruciating pain, he's had enough, and he'd really give anything to make it go away. "All of this is my fault. If I hadn't suffered from lung cancer, if I had a little more time, I might have found a better solution..." Yuan Ye gasped: "But I... I don't have time I can't..." Chen Ziyu felt the cold hand trembling violently in his palm. Yuan Ye tried his best to see Chen Ziyu clearly, but no matter how much he blinked, he could only see blurred figures.But he stared straight at Chen Ziyu with eyes that had begun to fade, eyes that were gradually losing sight, with an indescribable pleading, the gaze at that moment was enough to make any hard-hearted person tremble shock. "Ziyu..." He struggled to say something. Chen Ziyu held his hand tightly: "I promise you! I promise you! Big head! Yuan Ye!" He turned and shouted, "Doctor! Doctor!" "Hoo, hoo, hoo..." He wanted to run out to find a doctor, but Yuan Ye held him tightly, and his breathing became more rapid. He was holding Chen Ziyu's fingers lightly, but they convulsed into balls due to convulsions, and the knuckles turned blue and white. Chen Ziyu's eyes widened. He could clearly see two lines of tears continuously seeping from the corners of Yuan Ye's eyes and flowing into his hair. His lips twitched, trying to say something with the last of his life.Chen Ziyu had to put his ear next to the oxygen mask to hear clearly. He said, "I'm...ready..." "Ready for... what?" Yuan Ye said in a barely audible voice: "...accept... the punishment." Chen Ziyu was stunned.Su Qin snatched in from the door. "Yuan Ye! Yuan Ye!" she screamed. Yuan Ye closed his eyes, and his whole body twitched. The instruments around him did not sound critical alarms, and the blood pressure and heartbeat on the display were all messed up. Doctors and nurses hurried in and started giving him injections. Chen Ziyu stared blankly at all this, the unreality was like a nightmare. "Irrelevant personnel please leave immediately!" He was shoved by nurses outside the intensive care unit.The door closed in front of his eyes, and the last thing he saw was Yuan Ye's side face, which was in a coma, exposed through various instruments on the hospital bed, and the corners of his closed eyes were clearly tear-stained. Chen Ziyu stood blankly at the door of the ward, feeling empty all over her body, as if she couldn't touch the real place. He took two weak steps back, and the bend of his leg bumped into something. It turned out to be a row of plastic chairs for patients. His legs softened, and he sat down as if in a state of collapse.His heart was in a mess, and he inserted his fingers into his hair and touched his cheek, only to find that it was wet.It turned out that at some point just now, tears had flowed down his face. Almost a miraculous moment of clarity.After the explosion of pain, all pain seemed to disappear. Instead, there was a gentle numbness, and an indescribable exhaustion. He didn't know what he had done, why he was so tired, and he really wanted to rest. In a trance, he heard someone talking next to his ear: "The patient has fallen into a complete coma... His brain is edematous due to lack of oxygen. I'm afraid there is little point in inserting the throat. Our hospital equipment is limited. There might be a machine in the hospital to keep his lungs breathing..." He was suddenly a little nervous, and he was in a daze, and he didn't know what he was afraid of. "...I promised him that I would not let him suffer like that." Hearing Su Qin's voice, he suddenly breathed a sigh of relief.It's great that she's by her side. "……alright, I got it." The blinding white light overhead suddenly dimmed, as if it had suddenly become dark.Faintly, I felt someone holding my hand.Although Su Qin's voice was far away, he could still hear it.She is calling her name. "Yuan Ye...Yuan Ye..." He really wanted to answer her call, tell her that he was fine, that he was no longer in pain, that all this was over, he wanted to tell her not to cry, to tell her not to be afraid, not to worry, he could handle it, as long as he had her By his side, he can face it calmly.As much as he wanted to say these words, he couldn't make a sound. Are you dreaming again?Still the old dream of being a police officer.He was lurking in the shadows all alone, and he knew he was alone.The teammates around him were all lost, and danger surrounded him heavily.To live is to break out of the siege, but this time, he knows that he will not be able to break out no matter what.When he understood this, he suddenly felt very relieved. In a trance, he seemed to be standing in the wilderness. Under the cloudy sky in early spring, Su Qin patted a withered old tree, turned around and smiled at him: "Next year, it will also sprout and bloom." The cold wind blew Su Qin's long hair around her ears, and her red cheeks shone like apples. Consciousness is drifting away, but it travels rapidly. For a moment, he felt that he was climbing a long series of stairs, the stairwell was narrow and dark, except for the sound of his slow footsteps, the silence was eerie.Where is this?By the way, it was in that low-rent house, with a black bag in his hand, and he was going to kill that person. In the dark, whose name is it that convicts the crime, whose hand is in charge of execution? The moment he pushed open the door silently, whose face was shed tears? The river of time rushes away, and the waves of eternity gently pat on the embankment of life. It couldn't be wiped away anyway, the tears in the corners of Yuan Ye's eyes stopped. The small dot that had been beating irregularly on the instrument was drawn into a straight and flat line.It was quiet at last, as if it was very tired, and would not jump again.The ward, which was so busy just now, suddenly became quiet. Su Qin closed her eyes. The doctor put down the electric shock device in his hand and took off the mask.He looked at the heartbeat monitor and blood pressure monitor, and took a deep breath: "Confirm the time of death." "Yes." The little nurse at the side immediately took a pen to record. The grief of the family members of the deceased, they have seen too much, the person died, there are still a lot of procedures to be done, such as the death certificate, and everyone in the ward is busy with their own things. Su Qin didn't notice the people around him coming and going.She just looked at Yuan Ye bewilderedly. Chen Ziyu waited there like a clay sculpture. I don't know how long it has passed. I don't know whether it is day or night. Only the row of incandescent lamps covered with plastic shells above the head always emits a cold light.Medical staff came in and out, and no one looked at him. His brother is separated from him by a wall, life and death are between breaths, but he can only stay here and can't do anything. That feeling is indescribable powerlessness. He clearly knows that this day will come sooner or later, and as a criminal police officer, he is obviously used to seeing life and death without being moved, but when it is his relatives or friends who are lost, the pain is different. Moreover, their last argument still lingers in his mind. Who is right and who is wrong, or is there no right or wrong in this matter at all?He was distraught. The sweater he was wearing was too thin, and it took a long time before he felt the biting cold.He took out a cigarette from his pocket with his stiff fingers, took one and bit it in his mouth, and suddenly remembered that he was in the hospital, so he took it off his lips again, and just stuck it between his fingers in a daze. Suddenly the door of the intensive care unit opened, and two doctors and several nurses came out together.Chen Ziyu hastily greeted her. A doctor recognized Chen Ziyu, and he shook his head at him: "The patient has passed away." Chen Ziyu felt his heart sinking suddenly. Walking into the ward, there were three or two nurses cleaning up, and one of them pulled out the instrument tubes from Yuan Ye's body one by one. Under the bright light, Yuan Ye lay quietly on his back with his hands spread out, as if he had fallen asleep.But his skin, his lips were pale, and there was a breath of the end of life. Chen Ziyu looked at him quietly. "Yuan Ye, what do you think is the meaning of life?" He suddenly remembered that night, the last night he and Yuan Ye drank together, he asked Yuan Ye this way. Yuan Ye pondered, then smiled a little, and turned to look at him. "Maybe life has no meaning at all." At that moment, Yuan Ye's sad expression suddenly and vividly appeared in his mind. The time we hang out together when we were children, the years we grew up together in the police academy, the ups and downs we experienced when we handled cases together, and those moments of laughing and cursing.Does all this make no sense?If life is just a mess and a huge accident, why, we still have nostalgia for this sad life. "The so-called meaning of life is actually something that is given to life by the living. In fact, life has no meaning at all." He was clearly desperate to survive. They had known each other all their lives, but he had only just begun to understand him, and at this moment he took everything away and returned everything to nothingness. Chen Ziyu slowly cast his eyes on Su Qin. Is this woman the meaning of life he finally found? This woman he has only known for three months, but he can entrust everything to him, what kind of expectation and trust is this? Chen Ziyu came to her side, she turned her face a little slowly, and glanced this way. She didn't cry.But it was a sad expression that was deeper than crying, which deeply shocked Chen Ziyu. At this moment, Su Qin could clearly see the tear stains on Chen Ziyu's cheeks.His grief was sincere, and their common grief at this moment formed a wonderful understanding in a certain sense. for the same person. What can't be forgiven. Chen Ziyu stared at Yuan Ye.He suddenly said: "From this point of view, he seems to be asleep." Yuan Ye closed his eyes tightly and opened his mouth half-open, with a relaxed expression.It was really like he usually fell asleep quietly after being injected with a sedative. Su Qin gently wiped away the remaining tears from the corners of his eyes with her fingers. "Why, is he crying?" Su Qin said, "Is it because of me?" "...No, he finally told me that the only thing he can die without regrets is you." Tears welled up in Su Qin's eyes, but she bit her lip desperately to hold back. "But it doesn't matter now. He doesn't hurt anymore, he doesn't feel sad anymore. He's calm." "Yeah, it doesn't matter anymore." Chen Ziyu took a deep breath, feeling empty somewhere in her heart.This person is still in front of them, and they have just had a debate about life and truth, but in a blink of an eye, none of this matters. He understood why Yuan Ye shed tears at the end.But no matter what made his life so painful and sad in the end, he finally got relief.After all, in the face of eternal death, human existence, and everything else, are nothing but floating soap bubbles.Nothing can disturb him now. After the nurses packed up the instruments, they brought a white sheet and covered Yuan Ye's body. They wanted to transfer him to another iron bed and push him to the morgue. "I'm sorry," Su Qin said suddenly, "Can you give me five minutes? I want to be alone with him." Everyone in the room was stunned.Chen Ziyu took one last look at Yuan Ye, and was the first to turn around and walk out. The nurses exchanged glances and followed him. Chen Ziyu didn't stop.He kept walking, kept walking, out of the hospital, into the night. Quiet in the intensive care unit.It was just the two of them. Just like what Chen Ziyu said, Yuan Ye seemed to be just asleep, as if he could open his eyes just by calling him gently at this time. Su Qin couldn't bear it, and really called him: "Yuan Ye, Yuan Ye." He remained motionless with his eyes closed. Su Qin gently stroked Yuan Ye's face, Yuan Ye's shoulder, and Yuan Ye's hand.This feeling is very wonderful.Yuan Ye is still here, but Yuan Ye is no longer here.He traveled far away alone, to a place where Su Qin would never see him again, and would never return. Tears did not roll down until this moment.But Su Qin bit her lower lip, she didn't allow herself to be too sad at this moment.Sadness should be the long years to come, but now, she just wants to be with Yuan Ye well.She must cherish every inch of time she spends with Yuan Ye. She slowly unbuttoned her coat, took off her sweater, trousers, and bra. She sat down next to Yuan Ye naked, lifted up the thin quilt, and slid over, stretched out her arms and hugged it just like those countless nights. Skeletons that remain warm.She once heard people say that if the tears of a loved one stain the dead man's clothes, the clothes will become heavy and he will not be able to cross the river of the underworld, so she ordered herself not to cry.She leaned against him and lay down well.Yuan Ye must have not gone far, let her hug him one last time.Her hand gently stroked his body, feeling the breath of eternal determination emanating from this body.She leaned her face gently on Yuan Ye's shoulder, this was the last time, when this body could still be called Yuan Ye. It was almost twelve o'clock in the middle of the night, and the continuous sound of the doorbell woke her up one after another.At this time, who will it be? A woman living alone is always very cautious and afraid. She put on a thick coat over her pajamas, and took an umbrella as a weapon. She cautiously approached the door, turned on the light, and looked out through the peephole.She let out a low cry, quickly threw away the umbrella, and opened the door.Chen Ziyu, who was pale and haggard, stood outside the door. "I'm sorry," he said, "I forgot my key." Cheng Lin stared at him blankly. She couldn't believe that she hadn't answered her phone calls for so many days. She couldn't find someone she couldn't see, and she would suddenly appear in front of her at this moment. "Come in." She gave him a hand.His fingers were cold as ice, and his lips were chapped and white in the light of the crystal chandelier.He looked very tired, with haggard shadows under his eyes. Cheng Lin took out a thick sweater from the closet and put it on him, and poured him another cup of hot water.He took a sip and sat on the sofa in a daze with the cup in his hand, as if he was purely trying to get a little warmth from the cup. "What happened?" Cheng Lin sat down opposite him. He looked at her with a blank expression, and it took him a while to realize that she was talking to him. "Yuan Ye... is dead." Cheng Lin looked at Chen Ziyu in surprise: "That classmate of yours? Isn't he the same age as you?" Chen Ziyu nodded: "Yes." "What a pity." It was only then that she remembered that this might be the first time she had seen Chen Ziyu truly sad. "Do you remember him? He is dark-skinned and tall. Everyone says he looks a bit like Takeshi Kaneshiro." Chen Ziyu smiled: "But when he was young, he had a square head and a bad temper. He loves to fight. He hates being called Yuan Datou the most, and beats anyone who calls him. But he never hit me. I always call him Datou, and he never hit me." Cheng Lin looked at him and listened to what he said. "When I was young, my mother died early, and my father didn't care about me. About three or four days a week, I would eat at his house, do homework with him, and play in the yard with him. At that time, I was very thin and short. His mother always said that my motherless child was pitiful, and asked Datou to take good care of me. He listened to his mother very well. Once, some children in other courtyards knew that my mother was dead. They chased after me and laughed at me. I fought with them, but I was beaten black and my face was swollen and my clothes were torn. When I returned to his home to do my homework, Aunt Yuan helped me mend my clothes while sighing. I specially cooked two poached eggs for me. Yuan Ye didn’t say anything. But two days later, when he came home, his nose was bruised and his face was swollen, and his clothes were torn. His mother asked him where he fought again. Don't say it, and he was scolded by his mother. I know, he went to help me teach those bad boys who bullied me, because I saw them on the road, all of them had their colors on their faces, and one of them was still missing. I lost a tooth. When they saw me, they hid far away, and never dared to provoke me again... Maybe he didn't take these things to heart, but I always remember them. " Cheng Lin looked at Chen Ziyu with a very gentle expression. She felt that she was finally getting closer to Chen Ziyu's heart, and at this moment, he opened his heart to her and allowed her to get closer. "He was such a fool. He never said anything to anyone. What he did for others, he didn't even need to let others know. When I was a child, I admired him a lot, you know, the kind of admiration of a child for a child. But he never knew. He took it for granted that he took care of me. Although I was about the same age as him, when I was young, he took me and protected me like a big brother. I am grateful to him, but I also hate him because of it He. No, maybe at that time, what I hated was my useless self. When I got older, I began to deliberately alienate him. I wanted him to understand that I could protect myself and not live under his wings. 。他来找我玩，我借口说做功课不出去，渐渐的，他就不来了。他也许感觉到了，也许没感觉到，只是纯粹的不再和我一起玩了，我不知道。” “他永远都不知道，他一直是我的假想敌。从小，我爸就很喜欢拿我跟他比较，很明显他才是我爸希望拥有的那种儿子，他才够格做刑警队长的儿子。那时候，我真的很气他。后来一起进了警校，他还是那么的优秀，各方面都无懈可击，就像矛一样突出。同学们排挤他，他也不在乎。他是一个非常自我的人，只重视自己关心的事，其余的身边的事一概不在意。我知道我永远也比不过他。所以我选了一条和他完全不同的路。让他去出类拔萃好了，我选择了放弃。” ——是谁在不知不觉间影响了谁的生命，谁又能预计？ “我下定决心要和他做相反的事，走不同的路，他越是在意的，我偏偏越表现得不在意。记得有一次散打练习，他充满干劲，谁知道我一交手就来了个假摔，让他一身的劲儿没处使。当时他那个失落的表情，让我暗地里差点笑破肚子。” 陈子鱼想到当时还是止不住笑出来。 “但是有一样事他从来也没有嬴过我，那就是射击。他老是感慨说我是天生的好枪手，其实他不知道，我和管射击场的那个老师是哥们儿。我拼命练习的时候，从不让他看到。我知道他很在意我这一项嬴了他，所以我死也要保持优势，却又装出漫不经心的样子。看到他佩服我，我觉得很痛快，也很得意。” “从那以后，我就懂得了。不管对手是谁，只有不上他的擂台，你才永远不会输。但这个道理，他却一直都不明白。不，也许他明白，可他不在乎。从小，他就知道他自己喜欢什么，想要什么，他活得很实在，一直在鼓足了劲往前冲。” “后来工作了也是一样。他勇于冲锋陷阵，我就乐得清闲。他充满了竞争性，我就什么都满不在乎。可是我发现，社会其实比较喜欢的是我这样的人。他锋芒太露，不懂得什么叫中庸之道。但是我喜欢他，我一直很喜欢他。我很羡慕像他那么单纯的人，因为我知道我永远也做不到。” 谁能预料什么人会影响自己的一生呢？ 一边笑一边说着过去的事，但眼泪几乎是突然就滴了下来。 “可是你相信吗，那么旺盛的生命力，可以在转眼之间化为乌有。当我想尝试着接受他的理想，可他却又亲手将它打破。他死的时候，紧拉着我的手，他说他已经准备好接受惩罚。他看起来非常的痛苦，而我却无能为力。我眼睁睁的看着他挣扎，却无能为力……” 陈子鱼的嘴唇颤抖起来。 他最后得到的，究竟是个怎样的结局？他最后所做的事，究竟是高尚还是罪恶？一直到此时，陈子鱼也没想明白。 “子鱼。”程琳靠近他，握紧他冰冷的手。 “他死在一个乡下的镇医院里，我从医院的大门口出来，回头看，心里觉得特别惨。我在外面走啊走啊，我也不知道我走了多久。我只是突然发现，整个小镇好像都空了，黑洞洞的街上，只有我一个人在游荡。这种感觉非常的恐怖，我不知道自己能够往哪里去，而且我快要冻僵了……” 在寒风中抱着自己发抖的身体，想得起来的温暖只有这里。那时他突然明白，如果这就是世界的尽头，他唯一留恋的，想要回到的地方也只有这里。 “子鱼，子鱼。”程琳张开手臂，紧紧的将陈子鱼拥进怀里。 他太疲倦了，几乎一天一夜没有合眼，也没有吃过任何东西。他的神情看起来悲哀而混乱，他需要好好的休息。 “过来，这边来。”程琳将陈子鱼扶起身，拥着他将他一点点的引导往床边。 “别再胡思乱想了，好好的睡一觉。”她为他脱掉外衣，牛仔裤，和鞋子，将他安置到被窝里，为他盖好被子：“天大的事，都睡了起来再说吧。” 陈子鱼拉着她的手：“别走，在这里陪着我。” “我不走，我把灯关掉。” 陈子鱼稍感安心。他觉得冷，盖着厚厚的被子，依然冷得蜷起身子，一阵一阵的发抖。程琳脱了外衣，躺在他的身边，伸出双臂将他整个揽进怀里。黑暗中，女人的怀抱柔软而温暖，像大地承受种子般包容着悲哀。 陈子鱼低低的说：“对不起。” "Why do you apologize?" “我……我是不是不懂得什么是爱？” "Who said this?" “袁野……他说如果太害怕受伤害，就永远学不会去爱。” 程琳微笑：“你这位好朋友……果然很了解你。” “我是个自私的混蛋吗？” 程琳抱紧他：“不，子鱼，其实大多数的人，活了一辈子，他们都不知道什么是爱。能够懂得的，是少数非常，非常幸运的人。” 陈子鱼抬起头：“我从来没有问过你，为什么会爱上像我这样的混蛋？” 在这种光线下，他黑幽幽的眼珠反射着一点暗夜的微光，任何时候与这样的眼光凝视，都会产生温柔的错觉。 程琳忍不住伸手轻轻抚过他的眉毛，看着那双眼睛在她的掌心中闭了起来。 “第一次看见你，我就喜欢你的眼睛，又清澈又坚定。我想，爱上有这样一双眼睛的男人，一定是一件幸福的事。” “对不起，没能给你想要的幸福。” 只是一句道歉的话，程琳郁积的委屈就好像得到了全部的安慰。 她低低的说：“我现在就觉得很幸福。” 陈子鱼觉得自己的眼睛再一次的发热。 在这一瞬间他突然相信了程琳。一个如此爱他的女人，是决不会再投入另一个男人的怀抱。他真傻，为什么从前一直都看不清这个事实呢？ 在这一刻无须任何语言，他仰头吻住了她的嘴唇。 也许生命的意义就在于，活着的人还有机会修正曾经犯下的错误。 突如其来的吻让程琳觉得眩晕，人好像在往下滑，子鱼坚实的手臂承托住她，一开始她的身体有点僵硬，随即便像软蜡一般的融去。