I'm so hungry... I haven't eaten anything for ten days, my stomach is empty, and I feel sick when I'm too hungry, although I don't even have anything to vomit.Walking in the center of Sapporo looking for food: With a faint expectation in my heart, I will see if there will be a kind person who will volunteer to share the delicious meat with me.Of course, I am also very clear that such a strange human being is unlikely to exist. Like a newborn lamb, my whole body couldn't help shaking. Today is July 1st. Although the season has entered the unconditionally warm summer, it is still very cold.And my stomach——It hurts so badly that it seems to be tightly strangled, my whole body is dominated by an extremely severe sense of fatigue, my vision is blurred, as if I am in a thick fog, my steps are even slower than a snail walking backwards .It seems that the physical activity time is almost at the limit. This is a serious situation that has never been seen before, and it is very dangerous. If you don't fill your stomach quickly... Ah——

Due to the limit of physical strength and weak eyesight, I fell down.Probably the consciousness has been blurred, and even the pain is not too obvious, but the degree of injury has not diminished, and the knee seems to be scratched and bleeding, ah——what a waste.Even though I think so, even if I lick all the blood that comes out, I won’t feel full. What’s more, I don’t want to drink my own blood, and I’m not doing urine therapy.While rubbing my eyes, which I couldn't see clearly, I stood up, and then fought back the pain and took another step. Is it because of too little food intake and extreme malnutrition?My vision is often as foggy as wearing dirty glasses, even on a sunny day like this when the sun is shining.Forget it, the problem of poor eyesight has existed since a long time ago, and it doesn't help to sigh now.

I want to eat.I want to eat. I tried desperately not to slip into a murmur.A well-built human being... with toned muscles and low body fat... I prevent myself from watching with this explicit expression of appetite, because there is no point in even doing so, and I want to avoid being fueled by meaningless behavior. Isn't walking the streets an act of whetting the appetite?Someone dominating my right side whispered, but I ignored it. Like those homeless people who walked straight past the door of KFC, I walked through the crowded streets with the spirit of not being tempted.The fierce sun still hangs high in the sky, it is so hot, the sweat-soaked shirt sticks to the body, and the head is dizzy.The heat coming from the asphalt road is very uncomfortable. The weather forecast clearly said that it will rain in Sapporo today, but it didn't rain at all. The weather forecast is really deceiving.I want to see the rain, but I don't want the sun to come out, even this little thing can't be fulfilled.

Rain...doctor. I still keep thinking that the first time I was taken to the "Kurasaka General Hospital" served by surgeon Yusuke Kurasaka, the son of my father's friend's friend, was on a rainy day four years ago.Why did my father choose to let the son of a friend of a friend treat me? Actually, it was to save face. I was treated there, but I was not a patient.It's not true and I even feel offended to be called sick just because I eat differently than other people. Moreover, although it is said that the food they eat is different, they are all meat in the final analysis, and their nature is the same.There is no significant difference between beef and human flesh. If you explore the range of cells and genetic factors, you may be able to see the difference, but I am not smart enough to understand such esoteric and complicated things. Well, all in all, meat is meat—of the same kind, of the same species, of the same kind, and that is my only and greatest claim.Of course, when I first met Dr. Kurasaka, I didn't know what I thought.

"So that's why... suddenly I couldn't swallow food into my throat—" The doctor sat on the high-end black leather-covered swivel chair, and turned to face me smoothly.Although he was wearing sunglasses that partially covered his eyes, so he couldn't see very well, he looked to be in his early thirties. "It's really nerve-wracking, for both of us." "Ok……" I, who was only thirteen years old at the time, nodded slightly to the white-robed doctor sitting in front of me.For some reason, I am terrified of sunglasses, so when I talk, I turn my eyes to the window. The heavy rain keeps hitting the glass on the window. The white walls and floor reflect the light from the ceiling, making people dizzy .The sky was shrouded in dark clouds, and it was clearly morning, but the indoor lights had to be turned on.

"What I mean by that is that it's not only nerve-wracking for you, it's nerve-wracking for me as a surgeon to have to treat your symptoms. It's kind of like calling the vet. It's like being a plumber, isn't it? Everyone should understand such a simple truth." For some reason, he seemed a little angry. "Don't care what the world thinks, it's wise to go to a psychiatrist. I'm not saying you're mentally ill, just that you can't eat? Would you mind?" "Ah, yes... I'm sorry." I had a feeling of being scolded, and I apologized unconsciously.

"Forget it, it's useless to tell you this, this is an adult's business." The pupil hidden behind the black sunglasses faced me. Whether it was the day of the first meeting or the last day, Dr. Kurasaka was always dressed in an uncoordinated outfit of sunglasses and a white robe. "Then let's start the so-called consultation." The doctor sighed softly, then crossed his hands in front of his chest, shaking the swivel chair slightly from side to side. "You said you couldn't eat, when did that start?" "Well... about last Tuesday or so."

"From that day to now—have you eaten nothing?" The doctor showed a surprised expression. "No..." I shook my head, it would turn into a zombie. "Although I don't eat much, I can barely swallow things, such as bread and rice." Not long after I first started a partial eclipse, it used to be possible, but now it's impossible, except for human flesh , my stomach won't accept any food. "Is it painful to eat?" "yes." "Yamamoto-san, are you a very picky eater?" "Ah, no, I don't think so." I lowered my head. "But... well, I hate carrots. If there are any in soup or curry, I'll leave them."

"What do you like to eat?" "Honey cake, and ramen noodles." But now, just thinking about eating these things makes my stomach sick. "I like ramen too." The doctor put his hands down and smiled, "Since I was born in Sapporo, it would be a shame if I don't like ramen." "Yes." I didn't think that much. "But why did it suddenly become like this? You can't eat anything." The doctor muttered to himself, and then took out a ballpoint pen from the pocket of his white robe. "Were there any signs before?" he said, placing his free hand on the arm of the chair, while the hand holding the ballpoint pen was twirling it deftly.

"No, it happened suddenly." Yes, it really happened suddenly, because the day before this happened, I bought a package of koala cookies at the convenience store on my way home from school. "Yamamoto-san, it's a bit awkward to ask, but do you get along well with your parents?" Is the question "Parents?" part of the visit? "Well...it's okay." "Really?" the doctor asked. "Yeah." I lowered my head. "It's true, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Well, why would you ask that..." "Hmm." The doctor stopped turning the pen, then pointed the pen tip to his nose and said, "That's it."

"Excuse me—what's the reason? Why can't I eat?" "have no idea." Don't speak so bluntly, is this considered a doctor?Forget it, anyway, I didn't have any expectations, since I saw him wearing sunglasses, I already felt weird. "Huh?" I turned my gaze to the doctor. "How to do it?" "Don't worry, I'm excellent—in many ways." The doctor showed a bold expression, but it seemed that he had done something bad, just like a top student whose cheating was discovered by the teacher. "Well, Yamamoto-san." The doctor threw the pen to the desk behind him very quickly, really a rude person. "Now... what do you most want to... eat?" he asked me in a strange staccato tone. What do you want to eat most?What is this person talking about?I just got a strange disease that I can't eat anything, how can I have something I want to eat?How could there be... No, no, there is.appetite?what is itWhy?That's... popping up—meat? "I want to eat meat." I looked at the white walls of the consulting room and kept thinking, but this was the only word that came to my mind. "Is that so, meat?" The doctor pursed his lips in confusion. "What kind of meat is that? There are beef, pork, and so on." "No." I hurriedly denied it, as long as I imagined myself eating those slices of meat, I would still feel nauseous. "I don't want to eat that kind of meat." I stopped breathing for three seconds so that I wouldn't feel the cramping and rumination in my stomach.Belly is sad. "Oh, why do you hate it so much? Yamamoto-san—" The doctor's voice was like a detective who found a suspicious point: "You want to eat meat, right? Didn't you say that yourself just now?" "That's right, that's right." "Okay, let me ask in another way." The doctor stared at me: "What kind of meat do you want?" The sound of rain passed through the examination room. "What meat?" I raised my head, the question he asked was too direct—it made me shiver, and I felt a chill in my back, almost to the point of pain, and my feet began to tremble slightly. "What kind of meat do you want to eat?" The doctor asked me again. "Well, uh, I... um—" The doctor suddenly inserted his index finger into my stammering, dry mouth. "This is not a hint of oral sex, don't have strange expectations." It seems that the doctor also tells pornographic jokes. "How, how does it feel?" I don't feel anything.The originally dry mouth was full of saliva, what's going on?The doctor's fingers were covered with my saliva, and they were slender fingers with just the right hardness.Stomach starts to work. "Is that really the case..." really?What happened?I use the tip of my tongue to confirm the shape and hardness of the doctor's fingers. I want to eat.I want to eat. I really want to bite down.Saliva ran over the doctor's fingers and dripped onto the floor. "It's okay to bite down on it," the doctor said. I was woken up by the sound of the bicycle bell. For some reason, I seem to be standing in the middle of the zebra crossing, and it is only natural that the bell is rung. The alarm bell is supposed to do this, but now it is a red light.It's dangerous, what am I doing?How is this different from a sleepwalking patient? To escape the heat, hunger, and knee pain for a while, I decided to take a break at Odori Park.Sitting on the bench in front of the fountain, I wiped the sweat off my neck, then my forehead, sighed heavily, and looked down at my injured knee.The blood on the wound has already solidified, and if it is peeled off, dark red blood will flow out, but just like I don’t want to eat my own flesh, I still don’t want to drink my own blood. I put my hands on my empty stomach, and moved my eyes to the large fountain. The droplets of the water column seemed to form a small rainbow (the children pointed and shouted excitedly), but because my eyes couldn't see clearly , No matter from which angle you stare, it is just a random reflection of light. Am I not even qualified to see a rainbow? Doctor... The nostalgic memory, the matching of sunglasses and white robe once again occupied my mind.Doctor, Dr. Kurasaka. That Dr. Kurasaka is no longer in this world. No one can help me, and no one will give me meat anymore, and the human meat that the doctor saved for me has been eaten up ten days ago.The only one who can break through the status quo is myself. If I don't save myself, the existence of Yamamoto Sae will definitely disappear. Ah, hate, hate, hate, why did it come to this point... Yes, what is the reason?I can't think of a turning point for cannibalism, and I have no clue as to why I can't eat anything but human flesh.This is not some kind of mental defense mechanism of selective forgetting, subtly using partial eclipse to cover up the self, this is the real sense of emptiness. A flock of pigeons lowered their heads and pecked at the feed that had fallen to the ground.I am very envious of pigeons, these guys have prepared food for them everywhere, I have even seen pigeons that are too fat to fly.Feed... alas, fodder. Hey, hey, what are you talking about?You are in the same situation as the pigeon. My right side is whispering.Out of a sense of insecurity about the unknown, from the moment I became a cannibal, this idea kept coming up.Danger—this idea is very dangerous, so I have already sealed it up, and I have sworn to stop at that little girl. Sweat dripped down his chin, but the chill running through his body remained the same, no, it got worse.My vision is becoming more and more blurred, and now I can't even feel the children, the fountain, or the pigeons, a dense fog, whether it is thinking or sight, it is all occupied by the dense fog.I couldn't help but suspect that the consciousness of doing whatever it wanted was playing tricks in my head, trying to make me fall into an escape state of mind, believing that I had fallen into a mental situation that I couldn't control myself. eat it.eat it. The right half of my body tried to open the seal that I put my life on.Shut up, shut up, that word—don't say that word again, please. Eat it, eat it big mouthful. However, the right half of his body has been completely dominated, and he doesn't pay any attention to what I say.Bastard, it's obviously a part of my body, why should I be so willful. Look around, there are so many feeds, even if you grab one or two to eat, no one will notice. My stomach is growling, is it agreeing with the right side of my body?I know the gastric juices are churning, damn, even this guy?The appetites of these guys are too strong. The one who wants to eat the most is actually you.The right half of the body pointed out mercilessly. Mouth full of saliva, yes, maybe it is.I think of that little girl's face... I can't take it anymore...