Chapter 49 brother who flies like a dove

The dove of thinking / The dove of thinking is alone / Through the storm, swinging its wings / Floating over the autumn lake / The earth is burning, the heart is stirring / Pursue, my dove / Don’t miss it / Don’t miss it Into the Forgotten Isle/The flames of the moment, O unfortunate dove/Lie a while in my hands.You are silenced / You are wounded, lie down in my hands... This is a poem by the Swedish poet Haydnstein.He was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1916.The title of this famous short poem is called "The Pigeon of Thinking".This is a short and exquisite philosophical poem, intangible things become tangible under the poet's pen.Yes, the human mind is like a dove. Only by spreading its wings like a dove and flying in various environments can it maintain its youthful vitality.Heidenstein's pigeon is sometimes fearful in the heavy rain, but it is also lovable. It looks forward to the gentle shelter like my brother.Whenever I see a dove, whenever I see a white dove and a black dove fly by before my eyes, I see it perching under the eaves, cooing in the open space in front of the house, seeing it in the storm Flying across the sky, skimming across the water, a kind of sad and heartbroken tears will always blind my eyes......

Pigeons always remind me of my Jiandi.Pigeon, always let me see my Jiandi.Jiandi's name is Shi Jian, and he has a very simple scientific name - Shi Zhicheng.Jiandi is my cousin, the only son of my uncle, and my brother Fangmei.When I see pigeons, I will see my smiling Jiandi, and when I think of my Jiandi, I will see flying pigeons.Jiandi, poor Jiandi, unfortunate brother, he has always been associated with pigeons in his short life.His life is more connected with mine. In 1966, before the flames of the "Cultural Revolution" were ignited, my uncle, who was studying in Daye No. 1 Middle School, was infected by the earth-shattering red current and enlisted in the army.At that time, people who joined the army not only had to be in good health, but also had to undergo multiple political trials. Your origin and your family were more important than anything else.My grandparents were poor and lower-middle peasants for generations, and the family was extremely poor. Although my grandfather did not join the Red Army, he joined the guerrillas and delivered food to the Red Army many times. In the winter of 1966, after undergoing extremely strict medical and political examinations, my uncle finally put on the green military uniform that people envied most at that time, and became a soldier of the Republic.

Later, after joining the party and making meritorious service, his uncle, who became an officer, changed his job and returned to his hometown of Daye, where he became a cadre of the County Grain Bureau.Although my tall uncle was favored by many opposite sexes at the time, he still found my first aunt from the suburbs of Wuhan.He believes that only women from the countryside can endure hardships and stand hard work.After they got married, they had a son and a daughter, namely Jiandi and Fangmei.Since my uncle was serving in the military at that time, my father started a family before him, so I was half a year older than Jiandi.

When Jiandi was born, my aunt's milk was insufficient. Although there was milk and other food, my mother insisted that Jiandi would breastfeed with me.So for a long time, Jiandi grew up with me on breastfeeding.There is a saying in our country: They are fed by the same teat.To describe the relationship between two people is extraordinary.Jiandi and I are not only cousins, but also grew up with the same tit.So we have played together since we were young, and we have been scrambling together.Later I went to school, and brother Jian also went back to school in the county, but every winter and summer vacation I had to go to Daye County.There are not only my uncle's family, but also my grandmother's family.Sometimes I live at my uncle's house and play with Jiandi Fangmei, and sometimes I take Jiandi to my grandmother's house by Daye Lake.Today’s Qinglongshan Park in Daye was not a park at that time, it was just a big lake stretching as far as the eye can see, surrounded by three or two small hills, it is really a beautiful lake, with beautiful mountains and clear waters, plus willows, grass growing and kites flying around, and colorful flowers , the colorful woods, and the beautiful scenery are many times better than the parks built around the lake after the 1980s.There are many lakes in Daye, and grandma's house is by the lake, so that lake has become the best memory of our childhood.The lake at that time was clear and visible, with fish, shrimps and all kinds of overgrown weeds in the water, the endless green lotus leaves on the lake surface, and the lotus flowers reflecting the sun in spring, so red that our hearts melted in the lake water; Take a bite of the fresh and tender water chestnut that is not yet full on the lake surface, and the white and sweet juice will penetrate into the lungs. We linger in the water, not wanting to come out, until it is dark, and we reluctantly get up splashing water droplets; autumn Pick off one of the fat lotus pods that exude an attractive fragrance from the lake, and peel off a white and tender lotus seed. It tastes delicious with bitterness and sweetness; in winter, no matter how cold it is The ground is frozen, the north wind is harsh, and regardless of the fact that most of the flowers on the lake have withered and yellowed, the lotus root dug out from the fertile lake mud is white and fat. One bite, the fragrance penetrates deep into the soul.

I spent many happy winter and summer vacations with Jiandi.The songs and laughter when we were together once warmed my long youth.My biggest dream at the time was to become a reporter or writer and write a few books of my own. Although Jiandi loves reading, his biggest dream was to be a pilot flying in the sky.Today, more than ten years have passed in the blink of an eye. Although I have not become a writer with a lot of books, I have finally become a journalist who pleads for the people.However, my younger brother, Jian, will never be able to share happiness and pain with me. At this moment, he is sleeping in the mountain forest at the entrance of my hometown, and will always be with my soul in the green pine...

July 7, 1988 was the darkest day for our family.On this day, Jiandi, who was in his prime, suddenly left this world... At this time, Jiandi has grown up like me and has become a marketing cadre of Daye Foreign Trade Bureau.He took my uncle's place with his outstanding talent and outstanding intelligence;—and my uncle, a talented uncle, died of illness in November 1985 when his career was flourishing . After his uncle was transferred from the army and assigned to the Daye Grain Bureau, he served as the main leader of the bureau, and later transferred to the Daye Foreign Trade Bureau to take the leadership position, responsible for foreign trade.Although my uncle is straightforward by nature, he is honest and honest, kind-hearted, hard-working, and has made great achievements. He has been rated as a provincial model worker many times, has always been loved by leaders, and respected by colleagues and friends.However, it was such a mild-tempered person who had a marriage change.My aunt finally left in the early 1980s because she thought my uncle was too honest and the two had a discordant temperament. My uncle took Jiandi and Fangmei to live together.Nearly two years after the divorce, my uncle established a new home under the introduction of a friend.My second aunt was a woman who lost her husband during the "Cultural Revolution". When she married her uncle, she not only brought a mother-in-law, but also brought three underage children. working people.At that time, I heard my uncle say to my father: If I want to find a single woman, I can find it, but I am most worried that she is too young and will not be good to the two children.This is a woman who has suffered. Although she still supports the old and the young, I believe she can give them maternal love... The combination of uncle and step-aunt is probably rare in China.

There are five people added at once, plus my own two underage children. The burden of such a big family is all on the uncle alone, but the uncle never complains, and uses his meager salary to support the whole family. Life, this shows how philanthropic my uncle is. Later, under the care of the work unit, my uncle's oldest stepdaughter was arranged to work in the Foreign Trade Bureau.Even so, the family lives in the city, and there are four children who have to go to school. The uncle was overwhelmed by the burden of life, and finally became sick from overwork. When he was about to rush to Singapore to attend an international trade conference, However, during the physical examination, he was found to have advanced liver cancer. In November 1985, my uncle was deprived of his life in his prime by cancer.

I remember that I was in junior high school at that time. One week before my uncle died, when I rushed to the hospital to visit my uncle with my grieving aunt, he held my hands tightly with his bony hands. Said: "I see that you like reading and writing very much. This is a good thing, but you must obtain the Fa and pay attention to reading more good books." This time, my uncle talked with me for more than two hours. He told me many principles of life, taught me some good reading methods, and taught me how to submit articles to newspapers and periodicals.At that time, my composition scores were always good. Because I read a lot of extracurricular books, sometimes I couldn't help itching, and I often tried to write articles and contribute.Once, I wrote a thrilling story for "Story Club", and I didn't expect to get a response from the editorial department soon. Although it was not sent out later, the enthusiastic letter from the editorial department gave me great encouragement.At this time, my uncle, who has published hundreds of thousands of words in newspapers and periodicals across the country, often guides me in reading and teaches me how to submit articles to newspapers and periodicals.

Unexpectedly, this meeting between my uncle and I would be an eternal farewell.Two days later, my uncle left us with nostalgia and regret at the age of 45. After the death of his uncle, Jiandi, who had just graduated from junior high school, joined the Daye Foreign Trade Bureau under the care of the organization. He was diligent and studious, respected the leadership, worked hard and conscientiously, and was soon liked by the leaders of the unit.Later, both Jiandi and Fangmei moved to live in their biological mother's home.In those years, due to his uncle's family changes, his uncle's illness and death, as well as some disputes in the unhealthy family, the underage Jiandi and Fangmei were greatly affected.My psyche was also greatly affected.Later I heard that he and his stepfather jointly built a three-story house near Daye TV University.For several years, Jiandi and I stopped seeing each other, and even when I went to my grandmother's house, I seldom went to his house.It wasn’t until after he formally started working that he returned to his hometown Shiyinggao Village many times to visit me and sent me two beautiful white pigeons for me to raise, which I accepted happily.As early as junior high school, Jiandi started to raise more than a dozen pigeons at home. Later, he became a member of the Huangshi Pigeon Association and the vice president of the Daye Pigeon Association.Unfortunately, those two pure white pigeons were stolen half a month later and became a delicious meal for a glutton in the village.

More than two months before his accident, after he learned that I had to go out to a construction site in Daye to pull bricks due to a fire at home, he came to see me and advised me to go back to school and said he could save money. Some money to help me pay my tuition.Although I was deeply moved by this golden brotherhood, I still declined his kindness, because my poor family needed me to come out to support it.It was at this meeting that Jiandi, who was full of melancholy, told me dully that his Sichuanese stepfather smiled at him on the surface, but he always tried to exclude him behind the scenes, and said several times to his face that he only loved his adopted son. .I held Brother Jian's hands tightly and could only sigh deeply.

It was on this day that Jiandi and I made an appointment to go to his biological mother's house for a reunion on National Day.However, because the unit arranged for Jiandi to go on a business trip for the "National Day", the original plan had to be changed.Brother Jian couldn't find me, so he asked his family to let me go to his house three days in advance.But because my boss did not pay wages on time, I resigned and left after a quarrel with him, and went to the home of a classmate of mine in high school.When I have nothing to do, I put all my energy in the book.At that time, I was obsessed with Stendhal's works, his "The Abbey of Parma", and I was very excited, especially that book, the ambition and solitary struggle of the poor French rural young man Julien. His resentment and vengeful resistance, his love with Mrs. de Renal and Miss Mathilde, like a huge magnetic field, is closely tied to my young heartstrings, making me fascinated.For three days in a row, I hid in the hut of my classmate and used my heart to talk to Julien without sleeping or eating. However, I never dreamed that Jiandi climbed to the top of the third floor of his house in order to wait for me, and he climbed there to overlook.On it he could see passers-by on the road, and he hoped to see me there.He waited until dusk, until the sun sank into the western mountains, but he still didn't see me.And at this time, I was immersed in Julien's fate while waiting for the arrival of "National Day".At this time, I didn't know that Jiandi had changed the time. I didn't know that he had asked his family to notify me in advance. I never thought that on this day, Jiandi would leave this world and leave forever. Later, according to Fangmei, when she and her brother watched "News Network" in the lobby on the first floor, they saw him go up to the third floor silently, and his stepfather also went up there and walked around. More than 10 minutes later, Fangmei and her aunt who was watching TV in the living room suddenly heard a muffled sound. The mother and daughter were terrified to see Jiandi fall from the third floor to the flower bed outside the window... I heard later that after the accident Not long ago, a neighbor saw Jiandi squatting in front of the pigeon cage next to the balcony on the roof of the building, silent.At this time, it was already past feeding time, and Jiandi, who was very lonely at this time, might want to talk to those pigeons he couldn't put it down.After squatting for a long time, when he suddenly wanted to stand up at night in depression, he fell down from the edge of the three-storey balcony for some reason... The helpless aunt and sister Fang cried while hugging brother Jian who was covered in blood He was crying for help, but at this time his stepfather was nowhere to be seen, and he didn't show up until Jiandi died.An hour later, Jiandi followed his uncle to the west... Three days later, the family who attacked everywhere finally found me.When I staggered to the village, the sorrow and joy swirled low, the wreaths were dazzling, and the great sorrow knocked me down on Jiandi whose head was covered with bandages... I cried bitterly, I tore up the book with a loud cry, threw the fragments viciously into the sky, and burned those remaining pages in front of Jiandi’s mourning hall, the flying fragments, the swirling ashes, like a bird A white dove full of sorrow and a black dove accompanies me to grieve.It can be said that if I hadn’t loved reading too much, if I hadn’t been fascinated by that book, maybe I would have returned home early, maybe I would have called Jiandi to ask about it, maybe I would have rushed to him in time, maybe he wouldn’t Maybe he was looking forward to me on the roof for hours, maybe he wouldn't be talking to his pigeons on the balcony when it was dark, maybe the tragedy wouldn't happen... Until now, with pain in my heart and heavy guilt, I have always stubbornly believed that I indirectly killed my brother, and that damned literature killed my brother... On the Ching Ming Festival in 2003, I stood in the small gloomy bungalow in the suburbs of Beijing, facing the drizzle of Qingming rain outside the window, looking towards my hometown, missing my grandmother, my uncle, and even more my forever standing At Jiandi on the small hillside at the head of the village, I couldn't control myself for a moment, and tears fell like rain, like the Qingming rain.This rain once again broke my soul. I haven't written a poem for many years, and I wrote a song "Brother in the Rain" for Jiandi: ……Brother, when you fly down to me from the top of the building in the form of a white dove/I miss you all my life/From then on, because of you, I grow into a weeping tree/When the leaves start to turn green every year/It’s a heart-wrenching thing /I shower this Qingming rain because of you/My younger brother in the rain/When you lean on April’s tombstone/When you smile at me/My life will be on this day again/Being hurt by a Qingming rain...