Chapter 46 Licking my wounds in the dark

On the first night after I was rescued, I lay on a hospital bed in the Chengdu Armed Police Hospital, and the pain made me break out in a cold sweat.Ping and younger brother Li Xifeng stood by my side, and they took turns massaging my numb hands and feet.They are my relatives, and it is reasonable to take good care of me, but I always feel sorry for them and let them suffer so much. They have already called their families in Shanghai and Fujian to report their safety, and also sent text messages to those who care about me to report their safety. Ping told me that since the day I was buried, Xiaobai would wake up with a start every night, sit on the bed and cry loudly, crying, "Daddy—" She has never been like this since she was born until before my accident. However, she goes to bed after nine o'clock every night and wakes up at six o'clock the next morning.I don't know if she will wake up tonight... I imagined Xiaobai's appearance, and said to her in my heart: "My child, you really have a heart to heart with Dad! Dad will never let you worry again !"

Very late, a small and pretty girl came to my hospital bed and asked me in a sweet voice: "Do you want porridge?" I wasn't actually hungry, so Ping ordered me some porridge and fed it to me bit by bit. The girl who delivered the porridge was a volunteer. She said that she and her mother came from other places to take care of the patients.After she left, another volunteer came. She was about 50 years old. She used to be the head nurse of a hospital in Chengdu and retired at home.After the earthquake, she took the initiative to come here to do volunteer work.She has a cheerful personality and always has a smile on her face.I called her Auntie, and she smiled and said she should be called Big Sister.This eldest sister has been busy taking care of the patients since she arrived. I watched her help the wounded man across from me wipe his ass and empty the shit bowl.

She was almost too busy, so she sat aside and looked at us with a smile. She said to Ping, "Go to sleep for a while, or you won't be able to bear it." She also found a bed for my brother to sleep in.My younger brother and Ping were very tired, they fell asleep and fell asleep very quickly. The elder sister said to me again: "You can go to sleep too, I will show you the bottle, and I will deal with it after the drip is finished." I closed my eyes.My eyes were dry, astringent, and painful. As soon as I closed my eyes, tears flowed out automatically.After a while, I fell into a deep sleep.I haven't had a good sleep for a long time, I really want to have a good sleep!However, I didn't sleep long when I was awakened by a nightmare.I dreamed that I was still buried in the ruins, desperately calling for help.After I woke up, I saw the smiling face of my eldest sister again.

She sat next to me and said to me softly, "Did you have a nightmare?" I said, "Yes, I dreamed that I was still buried in the ruins." She said: "This is normal. After a long time, you will be fine. Don't think so much, everything will pass." Ping was also woken up by me, and she gave me a massage as soon as she woke up. I said to her, "Go to sleep—" She said she couldn't sleep. The eldest sister chatted with us. ... The nightmare started that night. Every night, as soon as I fall asleep, I dream that I am still buried in the ruins. On the afternoon of May 17, I was carried on a plane on a stretcher, returned to Shanghai in the middle of the night, and was admitted to the Sixth People's Hospital.That night, my younger brother and Ping went home to live. Not long after I fell asleep, I woke up with a loud cry from a nightmare, covered in cold sweat.My screams woke up my fellow patients.After waking up, I opened my eyes wide in the dark, the pain from the wound on my body is no longer important, what I think about now is how to get rid of the nightmare!If the nightmare goes on for a long time, maybe I will collapse.

I lick my wounds in the dark, the wounds of my soul. I think only I can save myself. A psychiatrist in the hospital told me to learn to relax.I know I need to relax, the question is how can I relax?I tried my best to let myself think of some good things, thinking of Li Xiaohuai's innocent smiling face... Xiaohuai came to see me the day after I returned to Shanghai, and it was her mother who brought her here.When she saw me, there was no smile on her face, she looked heavy, such a small child, does she know anything?After looking at me earnestly and seriously for a while, she stretched out her little hand, touched the scar on my right knee lightly, and then called softly: "Dad—"

Hearing this "Dad", my heart softened. I don't know if other survivors of this disaster will be haunted by nightmares like me. I will think of those compatriots in Sichuan, especially those children. Maybe they are stronger than me, but I believe they are just like me, haunted by nightmares. Or the reality of painful torture, which cannot heal the trauma for a long time.You can only tell yourself that you are a lucky life every time you take a step forward. You are still alive, you can still eat, you can still drink water, you can also see the high sky and the world, and you can reach out your hand and give to others. When others hold each other, I feel the warmth of the human body and the silent love...

How can I say no to nightmares? This is also the thinking of many people after the disaster. The most important thing is to make yourself feel at peace, but it is easy to say, but so difficult to do. Or forgetting is the best medicine.But this is an unrealistic statement. All I can do is lick my wound in the long dark night until it heals...