Chapter 11 white hair in the dark

In the pain, I heard the aftershocks again, and the place where I was was creaking, and I might fall down the valley at any time.My teeth chattered.I thought of my wife Ping again. Is she, like me, unable to sleep in pain? Her sad eyes are like a sharp knife, cutting my heart. My heart becomes broken. I admit, I am not a competent husband.As much as I love her, I always hurt her inadvertently. Like getting drunk. I am addicted to alcohol, what is alcohol and why does it make me lose myself? Every time she came home drunk, it was a disaster for her. I don't know how ugly I look when I'm drunk.Ping told me many times after I sobered up that I should take a picture of my ugly drunkenness and let me see how disgusting it is!Because of being drunk, she was always tortured by me so that she couldn't sleep peacefully, and her body and mind were hurt.I'd yell at her for no reason, and even though I never hit anyone, no woman could stand my frantic uproar.

That is my evil! Every time she gets drunk, she becomes very haggard. One morning when Ping woke up, she found that she had gray hair.It is sad to have gray hair at a young age.She asked me to pull out her gray hair with a dejected expression.When pulling out her gray hair, she would gently say, "Do you know why I have gray hair?" I said, "I don't know." She said softly again: "It's all your fault. You are always drunk, you always make me sleep bad, and you make me angry. Can I not grow gray hair?" I will also feel sad for her, thinking of her working so hard and enduring my torture.I thought, I'm really not human.

I always repent, but I always refuse to mend my ways. I can't extricate myself in hurt and confession. If wine is the devil, it would be wronged, it is really a good thing.The devil is in my heart and I have no power to drive him out. I'm guilty! And she always endured it and warned me that I can't drink anymore just for the sake of my body!Yes, as I get older, my body is getting weaker and not as strong as it was when I was young.When I was young, I stayed up for three days and three nights without sleep, and I had no problem at all.But now, as long as I stay up all night, I can't do what I want.Who can compete with the years?

Did she get the news that I was buried on this night full of death?I'd rather she didn't know.That way she'll think I'm fine, that I'm drinking.But she couldn't get through to me, what would she think?In any case, it was also a long and difficult night for her. In this merciless night, how many black hairs will slowly turn white on the top of her head? She is so far away from me, what can she do after she knows about me? When I came to Sichuan, she didn't even know the phone number of Yi Yanduan, the comrade-in-arms who introduced me to Xinhai Villa, and other contact information, and neither did my other friends in Shanghai.I regret leaving her and my daughter on this trip, I really regret it.

What's the use of regretting, I brought all the pain to her. I roared in the impenetrable darkness, it was a helpless and mournful roar like a trapped animal!