Chapter 18 Chapter Eighteen

During the day, I was still entangled in various headless cases. Sometimes the grandma next door was kicked by the boy next door, and sometimes the child was knocked down by other parents when reversing the car. But once I got home, my heart I went back to Xiao Rui immediately. I try my best to collect all the things Xiao Rui likes and send them to her.Sometimes it's a bracelet made of shells, sometimes it's a bottle of perfume, and sometimes it's a jade pendant.I tried to make up for my guilt, I was so heartless when I was with her. Almost whenever I have time, I will video chat with Xiaorui, but every time I can only type, and Xiaorui's microphone has never been bought.I know Xiaorui did it on purpose, she knows that words are more powerful than words to make people rational.

I'm used to this kind of silent conversation. Every time I turn on the video at the scheduled time, I will see Xiao Rui is there, just in front of the computer.This seemed to reassure me a lot, because I was very afraid that one day I would never see her shadow again.Chemotherapy had some side effects on Xiaorui. Every time she wanted to eat a bowl of porridge, she seemed to be launching an arduous anti-sweep. She often vomited for half an hour before eating two mouthfuls, and started eating again when she felt better.I wondered whether the nutrition she ate or the physical energy she vomited was more, but I still encouraged her to eat more, because I knew that if I didn't eat, the ending would be worse.Fortunately, God didn't seem to have the heart to destroy her beauty. The common hair loss after chemotherapy did not happen to Xiao Rui, which comforted Xiao Rui who loves hair like her life.

Chemotherapy still seemed to have some effect. After the vomiting, pallor, leukopenia, and high fever lethargy gradually passed, Xiao Rui's face gradually turned rosy, and she began to claim that she was as vigorous as seafood.She often asks me for advice on emergency management, which makes me believe that she is really much better, at least able to work.Even if sometimes she didn't respond to my text messages in time, I also believed that she was being held back by a patient. That day, I turned on the video as before and discussed with her the treatment of a patient with a fracture.While chatting, Xiao Rui's face suddenly twisted in pain, and she lay down on the computer desk.

"Has it happened?" I asked with concern. "Where is the medicine?" I was so anxious that I almost wanted to run to help her get the medicine, but that was impossible. After lying on the ground for about a quarter of an hour, she answered with difficulty: "Next door." "Get the medicine, idiot!" I couldn't help yelling at her. I saw Xiao Rui standing up with difficulty supporting the table, but fell down with a slam before taking two steps, only one step away from the door. At that moment, I clearly saw that the disease was raging.The pain whizzed through Xiao Rui's body like a hurricane, making her body tremble like a dead leaf in the autumn wind.Every simple action became an impossible task at that time, and she struggled for half an hour to take out the phone from her pocket.The pain made her weaker than a newborn child, and she couldn't even press a number on the phone with a little finger.

I encouraged her to stand up on the screen, and I played her the first chapter of Beethoven, even though I knew she couldn't see it at all, and probably couldn't hear it at all. I turned up the speakers to the max.Amidst the hasty knock on the door, I saw Xiao Rui struggling feebly. After almost an hour, Xiao Rui finally got up and sat in front of the computer again. "Did you call?" I secretly rubbed the corners of my red eyes. "The hematology department has an emergency department right now, and they can only come in the afternoon." Xiao Rui forced a smile.

"And what about your own painkillers?" "I just remembered that I finished eating yesterday. I'm so stupid." Xiao Rui's smile was actually very bright. "Where's the family?" I asked impatiently. "On business trip." I was about to scold her for being too inattentive to my body when the demon who had been away for less than 5 minutes came back.No, maybe it didn't leave at all, but just stood aside, watching a captured prey struggle in vain with mocking eyes.The short rest just now seems to have given him enough energy, and this time it came even more violently.It knocked Xiao Rui off the stool to the floor with one punch, and rained down on Xiao Rui's defenseless body like a storm. This time Xiao Rui didn't even have the ability to tremble. Yes, lying there, motionless.

That horrible sight made me fall into a freezing hell.She is much more ill than I imagined.This is by no means her first seizure, and it's only getting more frequent.I have seen cancer patients have dozens or even hundreds of seizures a day, and doctors can't do anything except anesthetize them. she lives in hell, But I can't do anything. Thoughts like this tormented me and made me powerless to think about anything else.I don't remember what I did or what I said to Xiao Rui, and I don't even remember how the video ended. Xiao Rui fell to the ground motionless. If she hadn't moved her arms occasionally to try to prop herself up, I would have suspected that she had stopped breathing.Her feeble movements often started to slump and didn't help, but she never gave up trying, trying for hours to get herself up again.

I just remember that when the video was over, I immediately took a taxi and urged the driver to get to the most crowded place.I rushed into McDonald's, ordered a Big Mac and a cup of hot cocoa, and then rushed out in full view, munching on the high-calorie junk food in the sun, amidst the bustling crowd. The hellish scene froze my heart, and I needed the warmth of this earthly world so much. Suddenly I had a very strong urge to drop everything in my hands and go to see Xiaorui. If I didn't go, maybe I would never see her again in this life. I finally met Xiao Rui.She deliberately concealed the specific address, and even warned the students around her not to tell me, but that didn't bother me.There are not many medical institutions in her city, not to mention her unique experience.

When she saw Xiao Rui lying on the bed, the fluffy quilt made her look thinner and frail, and the bright cross on the white sheet made her face shockingly pale.I clearly saw a fearsome big hand firmly and powerfully kneading life.It is something I have been striving for, and it is my major, but when it is really in front of me, I timidly dodge it. My gaze touched a transparent plastic bag with scales next to the metal bed frame. It was an indwelling catheter.When I was a surgeon, "indwelling catheterization" was just an understatement in medical books, which meant that I didn't want to face a bladder that burst because I couldn't urinate during the operation, but now, through Xiao Rui Dodging my eyes, I suddenly understood why this operation was so unbearable.In addition to the physical pain, exposing one's yellowish bodily fluid to the eyes of the public cuts a person's minimum dignity.It even dawned on me that the physical aches and cramps were nothing more than psychological rejection.

I tried my best to restrain myself from wanting to hug Xiaorui, I knew it was not appropriate.Xiao Rui wasn't surprised when she saw me, she just asked lightly, "Come here?" as if she knew there would be such a day sooner or later.She asked to remove the oxygen mask and let me push her out for a walk.I can't say no. We didn't say anything, words were superfluous at that moment.In that autumn garden, amidst the bright sunshine and golden autumn leaves, Xiaorui's bright smile like a butterfly dancing among the flowers will always remain in my heart. I believe this is what Xiao Rui wants to say to me.

Life is as gorgeous as summer flowers, and death is as quiet and beautiful as autumn leaves. That day, I was lying in the duty room, and it was difficult to fall asleep. When I was half asleep, I received a text message. Xiao Rui said quietly: "If you see the disabled, will you feel uncomfortable?" "No, unless it's crazy or abnormal or something, I won't." I seemed to have a premonition. Xiao Rui didn't speak for a long time. I didn't know whether I should ask her. After hesitating for a long time, I couldn't help asking: "What's wrong with you? Did something happen?" "It's nothing, I'm paraplegic. I suddenly lost feeling in my feet just now. It's okay, what should come will come sooner or later." My heart was stabbed hard again. "Call the doctor!" "No need. You know it's useless to call a doctor, so why bother him in the middle of the night? Goodbye." Xiao Rui said. An ordinary "goodbye", if I'm not so familiar with Xiao Rui, I might take it as an ordinary greeting, just like good night.But I didn't hesitate for a second, "Don't do something stupid!" "That's not stupid." Xiao Rui replied. "I will hurt." I don't know how to keep her. "If it is not for time, how will the wound heal." I barely had time to react when the next text message came. "Don't think about it, I've already done the stupid things you said. Fronos, 4 times the poisoning dose. You just let me sleep quietly. The grave is so dark that you can't see the pain and death. Good Be your forensic doctor and cherish those around you. Goodbye." I couldn't take it any longer.I frantically dialed the phone: "You are stupid! You can't die! What about the forensic doctor, you have used Fronos for too long, your body has already adapted, you can't die!" I yelled frantically , I don't care if there is someone else on duty next door. "In that case, it will create a miracle in the history of the use of Fronos." Xiao Rui was laughing, but she could tell that such a large dose of Fronos did not stop her pain. Her voice was intermittent, and I It was barely audible, and there was a suppressed groan in the middle. "No, I don't want you to die." I really couldn't think of any reason to persuade Xiao Rui to stay.I understand her so well that I would despise someone else for escaping if they committed suicide, but she wasn't.She wants to leave behind her dignity, and perhaps her beauty.She is using her life to make the final struggle against fate. But she didn't answer.The moaning sound gradually decreased, and occasionally deep breathing could be heard.I found that Xiao Rui had already prepared everything.She just doesn't give me the phone number of anyone around her, she is just like Lao Zheng, she is a guy who refuses to bother others.I didn't expect that she even counted today.I could only watch her die and couldn't find anyone to help. I got in the car and ran towards Xiaorui.I couldn't care about anything else, all I could think about was going to the past, although I didn't know what I could do there, and I didn't even know whether it was right or wrong to prevent her death.At that moment, there is no right or wrong, there is only instinct. Along the way, I frantically called Xiaorui, and there was a shutdown due to arrears.I was so angry that I almost dropped my phone, and then I remembered that I could use my UnionPay card to recharge, otherwise I would be able to stop and rob.Fortunately, I charged it, and even luckier because Xiaorui probably hung up the headset, or set the phone to automatically answer, and I dialed it again. I kept calling Xiao Rui's name all the way, and I didn't allow her to fall asleep, but there was no answer.I could barely hear anything except the buzz of the phone.I sometimes imagine it as Xiao Rui's breathing, because it can give me a boost in confidence.But when I finally heard Xiao Rui's voice, I was like a deflated balloon. Xiao Rui's last voice was: "It's so beautiful." I'm really wilted.Maybe everything is wrong, I shouldn't have kept her in this way at all, let her go peacefully. In an instant, the surroundings became nothingness.I'm like a dandelion seed, I can't decide anything, I don't know what the future holds.Everything that happened in these years, I was passively pushed by fate, without the ability to fight back.Just like a dandelion will fly when the wind blows, it is not the dandelion at all that decides whether it will fly or where it will fly, but the big hand that drives our destiny. What is the value of life, and what is the reason for Xiao Rui to survive? I can't see Xiao Rui's future, maybe she has no future at all.I can't keep everything I cherish, the kindness and beauty. The driver yelled up front and woke me up.I guess he thought I was crazy as soon as I got in the car. If it wasn't for my police uniform, he would have kicked me out of the car long ago. Don't think about anything at all, and act according to instinct.I told the driver to hurry up and hurry up. If I had brought a gun, I would have taken it out. The phone has been on and I still can't hear anything. It was already dawn when I arrived, and I kicked the door again, this time it was Xiao Rui's house.I saw Xiao Rui lying on the edge of the bed, her arms hanging down feebly, her face pale.At that time, I was really afraid, afraid that she would leave me like this, if that was the case, I would not be able to bear the blow, and maybe I would become a perverted killer or something else.If I become a perverted killer, it must be a hundred times more terrifying than the murderer we captured. but.Xiao Rui woke up, and her first words were: "Brother Hao, is that you? It's so good to hear your voice!" Then she burst into tears, cursing herself that she would never die, it was really useless. I was speechless, I didn't know what I was doing right or wrong, and what was more troublesome was that I didn't know what to do next.Xiao Rui has always regarded me as a spiritual pillar, especially when difficulties and pains surpassed her strong will, but now my pillar is also at a loss, and I don't know which side to fall to. Now I can honestly admit that when Xiao Rui cried and said that she was useless and that she couldn't even die, I wanted to kill her with a knife.She was strong enough, stronger than most of us, but I ruined a happy ending she had been preparing for so long. But I didn't do that.I made a rule with her, I don't come to see her anymore, and she doesn't do stupid things anymore.If she didn't agree, I wouldn't leave. She had no choice but to agree.I found Xiaorui's students and told them what happened. They promised with tears that they would take care of Xiaorui 24 hours a day.I just left with confidence.When I got back to the bureau, I didn't want to tell others about Xiaorui's suicide.