Chapter 38 38. Green, I want to hug you

Even once, I want to hug you tightly with all my strength, hold your big paws, hold your face in the palm of my hand, and take a hard look at us Green who has grown into a big wolf.My child, you don’t need to do so much. Mom just needs to really feel your body temperature, see your eyes, and see that you have grown a little more mature in the past three years… that’s enough.Child, don't hide anymore, just come back quietly and quietly to meet me, and I will leave. The pink snow surface shines with pearls, the footprints on the snow write wishes, the spring water hangs out the icy and jade-like style, and the clouds alienated from the world hang down their eyes and listen.Diamond stardust was suspended in the cool air, and those ice crystals shimmering like fireflies were flying around me like countless elves.The wolf is the soul of Dong, and Dong is the bosom friend of the wolf. There is a soft heart hidden in their cold bodies.

I prayed devoutly by the stream, stirring up a small cyclone, making the diamond dust gather into colorful smoke and curling up in the palm of my hand.A ray of light, a ray of wind, seductive.The winter in the prairie is a fairy tale, and the wishes made in the fairy tale will come true. Listen, the sound of the flute... The swaying grass stems spin out holes in the snow layer, the north wind blows gently, blowing out a deep chant like a flute, the grassland in the winter whispers—every bit of heart you have paid has gone to it Where you should go, those creatures you loved will also love you in parallel time and space...

I smiled and carried the water home, sweet and sentimental. For more than ten days, I have been praying by this stream every day, looking forward to his return and another beautiful encounter with me.I can't see him, but I can feel that he is here, staring affectionately at the other end of the winter. A small bird fell from the ceiling, knocked dizzily against the glass, and landed on my pillow flapping its wings, chirping.I got up and picked up the bird and sent it back to the beam.The rising sun was so dazzling that it made Langdu beach golden.I habitually glanced at the stream. There is movement!Just across the creek gully.I wiped the fog off the glass, and looked again—a half-sized wolf was shaking its head with a rabbit in its mouth, and two big wolves were waiting for her.

"Hurry up! The wolf is coming!" I called Yifeng and ran out of the house. As I ran closer, I could see clearly that the little wolf with the rabbit in its mouth was a scud. She was startled by my sudden appearance, threw the rabbit away in a hurry, quickly hid in the grass, and straightened her neck to look at me.The hot mother wolf stretched her back calmly and looked at the big wolf behind her! It's him!he came! "G-Lin--" I burst into tears of joy, "Bastard! Hehehaha, I caught you!" The body of the wolf shook violently like an electric shock, Green suddenly raised his head, the mane of the wolf stood on end, trembling slightly in the wind, and the ears of the wolf went straight forward to catch my voice.The gazes of the man and the wolf collided instantly, and sparks flew everywhere.Green bowed his head and ears, and suddenly stepped forward a few steps, looking at me with surprises in his eyes.

"Smelly boy, the cat who has been hiding from me for a year has finally caught you! You are very naughty!" I was so happy that I jumped up and down and waved.My Green, from the moment I hugged you, you had me in your eyes, and you in my eyes. Even though time has passed, even if your appearance has changed and your body has grown stronger, I still remember those eyes! "Green is good! Come here! Mother hug!" I squatted down and opened my arms.When I was a child, as long as Green heard this sentence, he would immediately rush over with a silly smile, hug my neck with his little paws, and kiss me enough.I waited for Green to cross the ditch and fall into my arms!

………… However, Green didn't come over, not only didn't come over, but took half a step back.He shook the wolf's mane, his ears straightened up again, and the violent ups and downs of his chest gradually calmed down. The joy in the wolf's eyes was fleeting, replaced by confusion, pain, and entanglement... "What's wrong with you... don't you remember this sentence? Green, come here quickly! Hug!" I opened my arms and took two steps forward more attentively. I go in, he goes back... "Son, I am mother... Mom received your gift, and you also received mom's gift, right?...Do you like that round stone? Son, you picked up the water bottle that mother dropped Right? Mom knows you’ve been following me, and you miss Mom too, right? Come... Let Mom hug you, baby, Mom brought you a lot of big white rabbit toffee...Come here... "

No matter how I call him, I go in, he goes back... My smile became more and more rigid, and my outstretched arms became heavier and heavier. I couldn't lift it anymore, and finally let it go slowly.My heart is chilly.Green is different... not the appearance, but the eyes!The look in those eyes changed from "love" to "pain". I never thought Green would look at me like this. In memory, Green's eyes are clean and transparent, as clear as dewdrops under the blue sky. The things in those eyes are very simple, except for love, which is the trust of the whole heart.That year, when I went back to the grassland to reunite with him after my serious illness, he threw himself into my arms crazily and licked my face as soon as I said "mother hug".When he returned to the wolves at the age of eight months, his eyes were full of wilderness, full of yearning for freedom, and the burning passion could melt the whole winter.But now, those eyes are as complicated as a book, and as dazed as a cloud of fog.In those wolf eyes, there is a "human" shadow.

My child, mother has dreamed countless times of being reunited with you. I dreamed that you pushed open the door of the hut and looked at the house full of cobwebs and dust. I was as sad and nostalgic as I was, and I quietly came behind you and said to you: "Don't be sad, mom is back, are you hungry?" Hungry? I'll make something delicious for you." I dreamed that there was a call, you could hear it, and you would run from the mountains with your family, and we would be reunited in the mountains.You bounced and introduced your wife and children to me, and I kissed the granddaughters of wolves and wolves and told them stories about your childhood.

I dreamed that when I met you, you were fishing by the stream, so I sneaked up behind you and covered your eyes: "Son, guess who I am? If you guess correctly, you will be rewarded with a big white rabbit!" With the maturity of a middle-aged wolf: "Do you still need to guess? Mom, your son is already a father, and you are still so naive!" I dreamed that in my singing, you ran back happily, with your front paws on my shoulders and sang with me.We sat on the edge of the cliff overlooking the Gesang flowers blooming to the end of the sky.You tell me how happy and free you are in the steppe.

I dreamed that I was sleeping in a cabin and you woke me up by throwing an alarm clock through the window. ………… My child, my mother has really dreamed about it many times, but she never imagined that one day, when she opens her arms and calls for you, you will slowly retreat. I stopped, not daring to cross the ditch, for fear that Green would be gone when I climbed out of the ditch of the creek. Green opened and closed his trembling lips, as if he wanted to say something, but he couldn't say anything. The happy tears of reunion flowed to the corner of my mouth, it was so bitter, I realized something, but I couldn't say it.

My son, who is also a father, once had a lot of children.But facing the Green family of three, I can't ask this question-how are you doing? Scud looked at her father and me in the grass, as if she wanted to read something from our eyes. If wolves talk like wolves, would the little girl ask him like this—"Father, where are we going with the rabbit in our mouths?" "To see grandma." "Grandma is just opposite, why don't you go there?" The hot mom nibbled on Scud's ear, the little wolf didn't understand the big wolf's world.She walked past Green, and slowly left with their children, as if to remind him—it was time to go. Green looked at his wife and children who had gone away.The moment I turned my head, I caught a glimpse of a bright line from the corner of his eyes along the bridge of his nose.It was like a bolt of lightning that split my heart in two in an instant, and like this shallow creek with a deep crack, he was at the other end and I was at the other end. Green was still looking at me, his body turned around, he raised one leg hesitantly, but he couldn't turn his head back for a long time... Son, are you leaving?Even if I'm already standing in front of you, you still choose to leave? Son, if you don't come here, mom doesn't blame you...it's all mom's fault. Green, Mom is sorry for you. I could obviously save the nunchucks, but I only wanted to go back to Wolf Mountain, looking for you, looking for you... I missed the time when you needed me the most.I can imagine how anxious you were when you ran for help. I fully understand how desperate you were when you found me again and stood outside my window. I saw how sad you were in front of the nunchuck grave.Sorry, Green, I had two chances to save your child, but what am I doing! Green, Fuzai looks so much like you... When I held that child, I thought it was you who came back to me.I can't bear him, I'm afraid he is so small, if he can't find the big wolf, he will die.Yifeng asked me, if there is another chance, should I let it go or not?As I said, I will ask you to go or not to go.Green, your child made the same choice as you, but he is gone, gone forever...I buried him in the valley where he was born... Green, after you leave, will mother see you again? Green's answer was in this relatively speechless stare, and he told me everything when he turned around and cried. Green took one last look at me, took a deep breath, turned his head resolutely, walked a few steps quickly, and jumped over the fence with a vigorous posture! "What are you doing in a daze? Hurry up! Green!" Yifeng caught up, and I suddenly came back to my senses, climbed over the deep ditch, and jumped over the fence to chase after Wolf Shadow.We ran to them desperately, and they just retreated silently.The tighter we chase, the faster they run.The distance between man and wolf is getting farther and farther... "Yifeng...can't chase anymore...let me take a good look at him." I stopped holding Yifeng's hand and stood on a high place.The pace of the Green family also slowed down.Son, you walk slowly, only in this way, mother can look at you longer, even if it is just a back view... Once, it was a kind of happiness to send Green back to the wolf pack. I thought that we would meet again a few years later, and we could still recall this kind of happiness.Three years later, how does Green understand human beings?Is it still possible for him to place his paw on mine?Do I still have the courage to hold him in my arms again? "Ge--Lin--" Yifeng shouted. Green, who was walking at the end, tilted his head slightly. While looking back, he raised his wolf's tail high and waved it gently, as if saying goodbye to us-goodbye mother, we will live proudly! "Aw———————" "Aw--" At the end of the creek where the Green family disappeared, there was the howling song of the wolves, accompanied by the tender echo of the little wolf... What a familiar melody, it brought a little warmth to my cold heart, it was our song, It's the tune I call him home every day, and he remembers it. ………… Green returned to his world, only the tear of the wolf slowly sank into my mind. On the dirt mound, there are "wolf's gift" - two emaciated dead lambs, and a hare that is still alive falls down not far away, and Scud has not had time to put the rabbit on it. "Why is it always like this, coming again and leaving again. Is this still peek-a-boo?" Yifeng picked up these gifts and couldn't figure it out. "Yes, my son wants to hide forever..." I smiled wryly, "I still remember when he was being chased and beaten, I told him: 'Green, you must hide from anyone you see in the future, no matter who it is!' He totally did it..." "But we are different!" Yifeng became anxious, "It is impossible for him not to have such judgment! He should understand!" "Yes, he understands," I sighed, "It's been a year, and we know what Green has been through... Think about it in another place, even if you and Green are very close, if one day——I am Say, if one day, you saw your own children being killed by wolves one by one, what would you think of wolves? Even though you knew it wasn’t Green who did it, and you knew that Green loved us, but when Green… ...When this wolf...appears in front of you again, how will you feel? What else can you do?" Yifeng was choked, and the hand holding the gift trembled and slowly dropped, as if he couldn't bear the heavy weight. "He has done what we humans can't do..." Yifeng looked up to the sky and exhaled a long white mist, the crystals in the corners of his eyes formed ice flowers in the cold wind, he choked up and said: "Let's wait a little longer, maybe He can come back. We've been waiting a year after all." Alas... I held Yifeng's hand and stood in the wind for a long time, looking at the direction where Green disappeared. But what are we waiting for?a hug?What more could we want after a hug?Maybe I want him to introduce his family to us, so that the whole family can live together happily, and even have a greater wish, that the whole pack of wolves can get close to us, and we call out a pack of wolves... It seems that that is the highest state of harmony with nature in the minds of human beings, but this is only our own desire, and human desires will increase. The wolf heart is still bleeding, how to satisfy the heart? In the winter night, there are often resentful howls of wolves, sometimes far away, sometimes near, like weeping like complaints... The wolf heart of heaven and earth, the Tao is ruthless but affectionate. Maybe he has been here many times without us knowing.Maybe we stay here and he'll keep sending his prey down.However, it is too difficult to find food in winter, and we will only increase his burden if we stay.They had brought the lamb, so there was no wild animal to be found.Only when we leave can Green stop worrying about it and let him take care of his wife and children with peace of mind. This is the only child he has left. We pray that Scud survives the first severe winter, and hope to see her safe and sound in the future. Once, we fantasized that one day Grimm would bring his wife and children to visit us, and we wished to call his wife "Gesang". Who knows that we guessed the beginning of this "Grimm's fairy tale", but we couldn't guess the ending—— The ending came so cruelly that one by one the children were gone. If we had known that these were his children, maybe we would not have blindly searched and grieved so blindly.I will cherish this already perfect consummation, this is the happiness of family union.It turns out that the reunion we are after has always been around us, but when we pursue it to the end, it is no longer perfect. In the past, when happiness surrounded us, we kept pursuing it, being confused by expectations, and distressed for not getting what we wanted, but some things were lost unconsciously and never came back. People may think that the animals they have done favors should be grateful to people, as if he is a wolf if he is not affectionate, and a "white-eyed wolf" if he is not warm.But now I can understand Green better—in the eyes of wolves, love must be equal, but the relationship between humans and wolves has never been equal.In the battle between humans and wolves, the inferior wolf is almost extinct. It's not that humans put aside their barriers, animals must cater to us! Humans have learned to walk upright, stand higher than other animals, have a wider vision, walk faster, and their hearts are farther away from the earth, but their roots are still in this land.Are we able to bow our noble heads and seriously look down at our roots? Green, if there is an afterlife, I would like to be reincarnated as a wolf and become a real mother and child with you. We run together in the sky. Maybe only in this way can I truly understand why you came quietly and why you left silently.I am a human being in this life, and I am very greedy. I want to see you again when I see you, and I want to get together again after getting together. I have already regarded you as my own.In fact, at the end of life, we are doomed to lose everything, maybe this "all" does not belong to us in the first place. Green, good boy, in this world every life is born and dies alone.But how much my mother hopes to be with you from the beginning to the end of your life.You chose the wilderness, where the average lifespan of a wild wolf is only eight years.When you are old, we are still in this grassland, maybe you can come back to us and say to me: "Mom, I can't run anymore, and I'm tired too. I want to go back to the past where there is no sorrow or resentment. Days." You will lean in my arms like you did when you were a child, thinking about nothing but going deeper into your mother's arms. If one day, my mother can hug you again, I hope that my calling will no longer be forced, and your eyes will no longer be entangled. Mom hopes that you and your children will laugh in my arms instead of crying and whining. Green, my dearest son.We are gone, take care of your wife and children.It's freezing cold, don't bring any more food, leave it to the children. A week later, all the pastoral friends we met came to see us off. Zeren's family clapped their hands and stomped their feet according to the "customs" of urban people. I used to purse my lips and smile every time, but this time I wanted to cry. Jomo is a big dog and couldn't go back to the city with us, so we entrusted her to Tashi. Yifeng asked Xiaoluobo: "Do you want to go to the city with uncle?" Little Luobo pouted and shook his head, he had no concept of the city: "I want to play with Little Bangke. You are gone, how can I find Langlang? Have Fuzai and Xiaobudian found their mother? Have they grown up?" People are silent, speechless, only the wind... The distant mountains, pastures, and cattle outside the car window form a flowing scenery.All the painful scars will be healed by time one day, but I don't know how far that day is from us. Looking at the grassland again, the unspeakable sadness was cut in half by the gradually rising glass window... sealing the entrance of the dream.