Chapter 16 Chapter Sixteen Samwell

The sea made Samwell Tarly sick to his stomach. Not only was he afraid of drowning, but he hated the rocking of the ship, the heaving of the deck under his feet. "I've had a lot of stomach trouble," he admitted to Dareon the day he set sail from Eastwatch.The singer patted him on the back, "With a belly as big as yours, killer, it's no wonder it doesn't make trouble." But Sam tried to put on a brave face, not for himself, but for Gilly at least.She had never seen an ocean, after all, and the few lakes they encountered seemed like a fantasy to her as they struggled across the snowfields after escaping Craster's fortress.Now, as the Blackbird pulled away from shore, the girl trembled, and big salty tears rolled down her cheeks. "Gods bless." Sam heard her pray softly.East China Sea Watch soon disappeared, and the Great Wall in the distance became smaller and smaller, and finally disappeared.There was a strong wind.The sails were sewn from black cloaks that had been washed many times and faded to gray, but Gilly's face was worse, a dead white of fear. "It's a good boat," Sam tried to reassure her. "Don't be afraid." But she just gave him a look, hugged the baby tighter, and fled below.

Sam involuntarily held on to the side of the boat, his eyes fixed on the oars moving—at least there was a beauty in their uniform movements, which was better than looking at the water.Looking at the water made him think only of being drowned.When he was a child, his father threw him into the pool beside Horn Hill to teach him how to swim.Water gushed from nose and mouth to lungs, and though Ser Hyle pulled him up at last, he coughed and wheezed for hours, and never again dared to step into water more than waist-deep. The Bay of Seals was much deeper than his waist, and not as friendly as the small fish pond under his father's castle.The gray-green waters are undulating, and the wooded shore is full of messy boulders and whirlpools.Even if he could swim kicking and crawling, there was a chance that the waves would knock him over the rocks and smash his head.

"Looking for a mermaid, Killer?" said Dareon, seeing Sam staring into the bay. The singer, who joined from Eastwatch, was young and handsome, with blond hair and hazel eyes, looking more like a mysterious prince than a Brother in black. "No." Sam didn't know what he was looking for, or even why he got on this boat.You're going to the Citadel to forge chokers and become a maester so that you can serve the Night's Watch, he told himself, but the thought only annoyed him more.He didn't want to be a bachelor, he didn't want to wear a heavy and cold chain around his neck, and he didn't want to leave his brothers, who were his only friends--of course, he didn't want to go back and face the things that sent him to the Great Wall. dead father.

The journey means something very different to others.For them, it means a happy ending.Gilly would be safe in Horn Hill, the vastness of Westeros separated her from the terrifying Haunted Forest, and she would be a maid in his father's castle, fed and clothed, living in a big world. A little corner, a big world she never dreamed of as Custer's wife.She will watch her son thrive and become a hunter, groom or blacksmith.If the boy was gifted, there might even be knights who took him as a squire. Maester Aemon went to a good place too.He would spend the rest of his life basking in the warm breeze of Oldtown, conversing with his fellow maesters and sharing his wisdom with maesters and apprentices.But his right to rest had been earned with a lifetime of hard work, and Sam was genuinely happy for him.

Even Dareon would be happier.He was sent to the Great Wall for rape, although he vehemently denied it, he thought he should be a vassal's entourage, accompanying him to perform.Now came his chance, and Jon appointed him Ravencrow to replace Yoren—who had been missing for a long time, presumably dead—to tour the Seven Kingdoms, singing the valor of the Night's Watch, and bringing new recruits with him from time to time. Return to the Great Wall. True, the voyage was long and difficult, but for everyone else there was at least hope that a happy ending awaited them.Sam could only bless them silently.I'm here for them, he told himself, for the Night's Watch, for the happiness of others.However, the longer he looked at the sea, the colder and deeper he felt.

It was worse not to be out looking at the water, and Sam's stomach couldn't bear it in the cramped cabin shared by everyone under the poop.He tried to cheer up Gilly, who was breastfeeding her son. "This ship will take us to Braavos," he said, "and there we will find a ship for Oldtown. I read a book about Braavos when I was a child, and it is said that the city was built around a lagoon. , consisting of hundreds of islands, and at the mouth of the lake there is the Titan, a stone man hundreds of feet tall. They use boats instead of horses, and their actors perform clever scripts instead of the stupid stupid ones that are everywhere. Impromptu farce. The food is good there, too, especially the fish, and all kinds of clams, eels, and oysters, all fresh from the lagoon. We should have a few days between ships, I'll take you to the theater and eat oysters."

He thought that would make her happy, but was so wrong.Gilly's dull eyes glanced at him through a few strands of dirty hair. "If you will, my lord." "And what do you want?" Sam asked her. "Nothing." She turned her back and switched her son from one nipple to the other. The rocking of the boat stirred up his food, and he had just eaten eggs, bacon, and fried bread before he set off.Suddenly, Sam couldn't bear to stay in the cabin any longer.So he got up, climbed the ladder, and went to give his breakfast to the sea.Sam was so seasick that he didn't even have time to care about the direction of the wind, and when he vomited he missed the side of the boat and splashed all the filth on himself.Still, he's feeling better...albeit not for long.

The ship was called the Blackbird, and it was the largest galley of the Night's Watch.At Eastwatch, Carter Pike told Maester Aemon that the Stormraven and the Talon were faster, but they were long, narrow warships, swift birds of prey, with oarsmen rowing on their open decks, and Skagg The environment in the narrow waters outside the island of Sri Lanka is harsh, and the Black Bird is a better choice. "The Narrow Sea is stormy," Pike warned them. "The storms are stronger in winter, but more frequent in autumn." The first ten days were fairly uneventful, with the Blackbird navigating the Bay of Seals, never letting land out of sight.It was cold when the wind blew, but there was a fresh, salty smell in the air.Sam could barely eat, and even when he forced himself to swallow, the food didn't last long, but other than that, he didn't feel too bad.He encouraged Gilly many times and tried to make her happy, which proved to be not easy.No matter what he said she would not go on deck, preferring to stay in the dark with her son, and the baby seemed to dislike boats as much as the mother.During the voyage, he was crying, or vomiting his mother's milk, and had diarrhea, dirty the fur that Gilly wrapped him to keep him warm, and made the cabin stink.No matter how many tallow candles Sam lit, the smell of shit was always there.

It was much more comfortable outside, especially when Dareon was singing.The singer was popular with the crew of the Blackbird because he would perform while they rowed.He'd sing all the songs they liked: the sad ones, like "The Day You Hanged Black Robin," "The Mermaid's Elegy," and "My Autumn," and the majestic ones, like "The Iron Gun" and "Seven Sons of Seven." Swords"; and such bums as "A Lady's Supper," "Her Little Flowers," and "McGitt the Happy Virgin."Whenever he sang "The Bear and the Virgin," all the oarsmen sang along, and the Blackbird seemed to fly over the water.Sam knew Dareon wasn't good at martial arts when he was training under Alyssa Thorne, but he had a good voice, which Maester Aemon said was like Ray with honey.He can also play the wooden harp, the violin, and even write his own songs... Although Sam is not too fond of his songs, anyway, sitting and listening to songs is the best pastime on board, but the box is too hard, too much wood Thorn, making Sam thank himself for having a fat ass.Fatty's advantage is that he brings his own cushion wherever he goes, he thought to himself.

Maester Aemon also liked to spend his days on deck, gazing at the water wrapped in a pile of furs. "What is he looking at?" Dareon asked suspiciously one day. "To him, isn't it as black up here as under the cabin?" The old man heard him.Although Aemon's eyes could not see clearly, his ears were fine. "I was not born blind," he reminded them, "I remember the last time I passed here, every rock and tree and wave, and the gray gulls flying behind the wake of the boat. At the time, I was thirty-five years old, and I had been wearing the necklace for sixteen years. Ego wanted to keep me by his side to help him rule the country, but I knew my place was here. In the end, he couldn’t hold me back, so he had to send the Golden Dragon to pick me up To the north, and let his friend Ser Duncan personally escort me to Eastwatch. Since Nymeria sent six kings to the Wall in golden shackles, there has never been a new arrival like this. Egg also emptied the dungeons so I wouldn't have to swear the oath alone. He said they were my honor guards—one of them, Nabrynden Rivers, was chosen Lord Commander."

"You mean Bloodraven?" Dareon said. "I know a song about him, 'A Thousand and One Eyes.' But I thought he was a hundred years ago." "Aren't we all the same? I was once as young as you too." It seemed to make him sad.He started coughing, then closed his eyes and fell asleep, swaying among the furs whenever the waves rocked the boat. They sailed under a gray sky, first east, then south, then east again, and Seal Bay opened up.The captain was a gray-haired brother in black with a stomach like a beer barrel, and his black clothes were so faded that the crew called him "Old Ratty."He said little, but the mate made up what he hadn't said, and whenever the wind died down or the oarsmen lacked strength he would hurl curses into the salty air.They drank oatmeal in the morning, pea porridge in the afternoon, and corned beef, salt cod, and mutton with ale in the evening.Dareon sang, Sam threw up, Gilly wept or nursed the baby, Maester Aemon shivered in his sleep, such was the daily life, and the wind grew colder and stronger. Even so, it was much better than Sam's last voyage.He was not ten years old then, and he was sailing in Lord Redwyne's barque, the Queen of the Arbors.She was five times the size of the Blackbird, gorgeous and majestic, with three huge burgundy sails, rows of paddles shining golden and white under the sun.The sight of those oars going up and down as he left Oldtown took Sam's breath away...but that was the last fond memory of Redwyne Sound.As now, the sea made him sick to his stomach, which aroused the disgust of his lord father. After arriving at Qingting Island, the situation became even worse.Lord Redwyne's twins despised Sam from the very beginning.Every morning on the school grounds they found new tricks to humiliate him, and on the third day Horace Redwyne made him bray when he begged for mercy, and on the fifth day his brother Hope made a kitchen girl wear Putting on his armor, he beat Sam to tears with his wooden sword.When she showed her true colors, all the squires, butlers and grooms roared with laughter. "The boy just needs a bit of experience to spice up his life," his father told Lord Redwyne that night, but the Redwyne jester rang his bell and replied, "Yes, a pinch of pepper, a little good Lilac, and another apple in your mouth." From then on, Lord Randyll forbade Sam to eat apples under Paxter Redwyne's roof.He continued to get seasick during the return voyage, but at least he was relieved to leave Qingting Island, and even the taste of dirt in his throat became easier to accept.It wasn't until after returning home that his mother quietly told him that his father didn't intend to let him come back. "Horace will take your place, and you will remain on the Arbor as Lord Paxter's cupbearer, and if you please him, you will be engaged to his daughter." Sam still remembered his mother's soft touch, her Wipe the tears from his face with a small piece of saliva-stained lace handkerchief. "My poor Sam," she murmured, "poor Sam." It's good to see my mother again, he thought, holding on to the rail of the Blackbird, and staring at the breaking waves on the rocky shore.Perhaps she would be proud if she saw me in black. "I'm grown up, Mother," I could announce to her, "I'm a steward, a man of the Night's Watch. Brothers sometimes call me Sam the Killer." He wanted to talk to his brother, too. Dickon reunites with his sisters. "Look," he could tell them, "look, I've got some use at last." But his father was waiting for him at Horn Hill, too. Thinking of his father made him sick again.Sam leaned over the side of the boat to vomit, luckily it wasn't headwind this time, and this time he was going in the right direction.In any case, his level of vomiting was getting higher and higher. At least he thought so, until the Blackbird moved away from land, straight east across the bay, toward Skagos Island. The island, situated at the mouth of the Bay of Seals, is an astonishingly large, mountain-strewn island, inhabited by savage savages.Sam had read about them living in caves and spooky remote mountains and fighting on big shaggy unicorns. "Skaggs" means "rock" in the ancient language, so the Skaggs call themselves "rock species", but other northerners call them the Skaggs and don't like them very much.Only a hundred years ago there had been a rebellion on Skegs Isle, which took many years to subside, and the war claimed the lives of the Duke of Winterfell and hundreds of his warriors.Some songs say that the Skaggo are cannibals, that their warriors eat the hearts and livers of their enemies after they kill them.There is a famous story of the ancient Skaggs who sailed to the nearby Isle of Skagen, captured the women, slaughtered the men, and feasted on their flesh for fortnights on the pebble beach.Whether it’s true or not, Skagen remains uninhabited to this day. Dareon would sing those songs.As the barren gray peaks of Skagos Isle rose from the sea, he went to the prow and stood beside Sam. "If the gods are generous, we might catch a glimpse of a unicorn." "We wouldn't get so close if the captain was good enough. The waters around Skagos are treacherous, and the reefs can crack a hull like an eggshell. Oh, don't you mention that to Gilly, she It's scary enough." "Her? Both she and her squawking little one are annoying, I don't know who is louder. He only stops crying when Gilly puts a nipple in his mouth, and then it's Jill again." Lily sobbed." Sam noticed too. "Maybe the baby hurt her," he said feebly, "maybe he's teething..." Dareon plucked the lute with one finger, and a mocking note popped up. "I've heard wild men are braver." "She was brave indeed," insisted Sam, though he had to admit that he had never seen Gilly so depressed.Although she hid her face most of the time and kept the cabin dark, Sam could see that her eyes were always red and her cheeks were wet with tears.He asked her what was the matter, and she just shook her head, leaving him to guess for himself. "She's afraid of the sea, that's all," he told Dareon. "Before she came to the Wall, she had only seen Craster's Keep and the forest around it, and as far as I know, Gilly has never left her birthplace more than Half a league. She's seen brooks and rivers, but no lakes, until we passed one... As for the sea... the sea is scary..." "Don't be silly, can't you still see the land?" "One day I won't be able to see it." Sam brooded about it. "A little bit of water, surely it won't frighten the killer." "Yeah," Sam lied, "doesn't scare me. But Gilly... Maybe you should play them a lullaby to help the babies fall asleep." Dareon curled his lips in disgust. "Unless she puts a plug in her son's ass. I can't stand the smell." The next day it started to rain and the sea became more choppy. "We'd better go down there where it's dry," Sam told Maester Aemon, and the old maester just smiled. "It's nice to have rain on your face, Sam. Like tears. Please let me stay a little longer, away from me." It's been a long time since I last cried." Maester Aemon was old and frail, and Sam couldn't leave him alone on deck, so he had to.He remained near the old man for nearly an hour, wrapping his cloak tightly.The drizzle seeped into his skin, but Aemon didn't seem to feel it at all.He just sighed and closed his eyes as Sam moved closer, shielding him from most of the wind and rain.He'll be asking me to help him back to the cabin soon, Sam told himself, and he will.But he never called, and at last thunder rumbled in the far east. "We must go down," said Sam tremblingly.Maester Aemon did not answer.Only then did Sam realize that the old man was asleep. "Master," he said, shaking his shoulders slightly, "Master Aemon, wake up." Aemon opened his blind white eyes. "Egg?" he responded, rain running down his cheeks. "Egg, I dreamed I was getting old." Sam didn't know what to do.He knelt down and picked up the old man and went below the deck.No one had ever said he was strong, and the rain had soaked through Maester Aemon's black clothes and made him twice as heavy--even so, he was as childish as ever. He squeezed into the cabin with Aemon in his arms and found that Gilly had burned all the candles.The baby was sleeping, and she was curled up in a corner, crying softly, in the big black cloak Sam had given her. "Help me," he said eagerly, "dry him and snuggle him." She stood up immediately, and together they stripped off the old maester's wet clothes and buried him under a pile of furs.His skin was cold and damp, sticky to the touch. "You sleep in too," Sam told Gilly, "hug him. Warm him. We've got to keep him warm." She did, without another word, but her nose was still sniffling. "Where's Dareon?" Sam asked. "It's warmer together. I've got to get him." He was going up to find the singer when the floor heaved under his feet.Gilly screamed, Sam fell hard, and the baby woke up, crying. He struggled to his feet, and the boat rocked again, throwing Gilly into his arms, and the wildling girl held Sam so tightly that he couldn't breathe. "Don't be afraid," he told her, "this is just an adventure. You can tell it to your son someday." But she just dug her fingernails deep into his arm, trembling and sobbing violently.No matter what I say, it will only make her more uncomfortable.He hugged her tightly, embarrassed to find her breasts pressed against his.As much as he was terrified, it was enough to make the job hard for him.She'll feel it, he thought shamefully, but even if she did, she wouldn't show it, just hold him tighter. The days that followed were much the same.They did not see the sun.Gray day, dark night, occasional lightning illuminates the peaks of Skagos Island.They were all very hungry, but no one could eat.The captain opened a barrel of fire wine to encourage the oarsmen. Sam tasted a cup, only to feel several fire snakes winding down his throat and through his chest, teaching people to take a long breath.Dareon also fell in love with this wine, and was rarely sober afterward. The sails were put in and out, and one day one of them fell off the mast and flew away like a big gray bird.As the Blackbird rounded the south shore of Skagos Island, there was the wreck of a galley among the reefs, and the crew washed ashore as a meal for rooks and crabs. "Damn it, it's too close," muttered Old Raggedy, "a big wave could knock us right next to them." The oarsmen were exhausted, but seeing this scene, they still arched their backs and rowed vigorously. The boat sailed slowly towards the narrow sea in the south. It's dark clouds, it's like black mountains, or both.For eight days and seven nights after that, the weather was fine and the waves were calm. Then the storm came again, more violent than before. Are these three storms or one, and is there a lull in any of them?Sam had no idea, though he tried desperately to find out. "What does that matter?" Dareon yelled as they all crowded into the cabin.Of course it doesn't matter, Sam wanted to tell him, but as long as I think about it, I don't think about drowning, or throwing up, or Maester Aemon's trembling. "Never mind," he answered screaming, and the thunder drowned out the rest of the words as the deck tipped over and he fell.Gilly was sobbing.The baby screamed.Old Rag was yelling at the crew up there, the shabby captain who never spoke. I hate the sea, Sam thought, I hate the sea, I hate the sea, I hate the sea.A bright bolt of lightning illuminated the cabin through the gap between the planks overhead, brighter than the sun in daytime.It's a good, strong ship, a good, strong ship, he told himself, and it won't sink.I'm not afraid. In the lulls between the storm, Sam wanted to throw up, but couldn't, and clung to the railing until his knuckles were white.He heard some of the crew mutter that this is what it takes to take women aboard, especially wildlings. "She's sleeping with her own father," Sam heard a man say as the wind howled again. monster." Sam dared not confront them.They were all bigger than he was, strong and strong, with broad shoulders and strong arms from years of paddling.But he sharpened the dagger every day, and every time Gilly left the cabin to relieve her hand, he went with her. Even Dareon had spoken ill of the wildling girl.Once, under Sam's various urgings, the singer sang a lullaby to comfort the baby, but after singing a paragraph, Gilly burst into tears of heartbreak. "Seven Hells," Dareon scolded, "Can't you just pause and cry after listening to a song?" "Keep singing," begged Sam, "just sing for her." "She doesn't need to listen to the song," Dareon said, "just needs to be slapped hard, or raped once. Go away, killer." He pushed Sam aside, went out of the cabin, and went to get a drink and drink with him. Rough rower brethren find comfort in company. Sam had tried everything, he was almost used to the smell, but he couldn't sleep for days amidst the storm and Gilly's sobbing. "Can you give her something?" Sam asked in a low voice when Maester Aemon woke up. "Herbs or potions, so she won't be so afraid?" "She's not afraid," the old man told him. "There's only sadness in her cries, and there's no cure for that. Let her cry, Sam, you can't stop the flood." Sam didn't understand. "She's going somewhere safe. Somewhere warm. Why be sad?" "Sam," said the old man softly, "you have good eyes, but you don't see. She's a mother, and she's grieving for her child." "The boy was only seasick. We were all seasick. When we got to Braavos..." "...that baby is still Dana's son, not Gilly's own flesh and blood." It took Sam a moment to catch Aemon's hint. "It can't be... she won't... Of course it's her child. Gilly will never leave the Wall without her own son. She loves him." "She nursed two children, and they both loved," Eamon said, "but not in the same degree, and no mother loves all children equally, not even the Virgin in heaven. I dare Certainly, Gilly did not abandon her son voluntarily. I can't guess how the Commander-in-Chief threatened or promised...but there must have been..." "No. No, it's not right. Jon would never..." "Jon won't. But Lord Snow will. There are no happy choices, Sam, just one of them is a little less sad than the rest." There are no happy options.Sam thought of all the hardships he and Gilly had gone through together, Craster's Fortress, the death of the old bear, the snow and the cold wind, the day-to-day trips to the snowfields, the ghouls in White Tree Village, the cold hands and the full trees the crow, the Wall, the Wall, the Wall, the black gate under the Wall.Why all this?There are no happy choices, no happy endings. He wanted to scream, he wanted to howl and cry, he wanted to curl up into a ball shaking and whimpering.Jon switched babies, he told himself, Jon switched babies to protect the little prince from Melisandre's fire, from her red god.If it was Gilly's son she burned, who would care?No one but Gilly.He was but Craster's youngling, a monster of incest, far less important than the son of the King Beyond the Wall.He can neither be a hostage nor a sacrifice, it is useless at all, and he does not even have a name. Silently Sam staggered up to the deck to throw up, but there was nothing in his belly to pour out.The night has fallen, and this night is surprisingly calm, and there has been no such calm for many days.The sea was as black as glass, and the oarsmen rested on their oars, one or two of whom fell asleep.The wind moved the sails, and Sam saw the stars in the north, and the red wandering stars that the free folk called "Rogue Stars."That star is me, Sam thought sadly, I made Jon Lord Commander, I brought Gilly and the baby to him.There are no happy endings. "Killer." Darion appeared next to Sam, completely unaware of his pain. "It's a sweet night, what a rare one. Look, the stars are all out. We might even see the moon. Maybe the worst is over." "No." Sam wiped his nose and pointed his fat finger to the cloud-covered south, to the gathering darkness. "Look there," he said.As soon as the words were spoken, a silent bolt of lightning suddenly came from a distance, the light was dazzling, and the clouds flickered for a moment, like layers of mountains, purple, red, and yellow, standing tall at the end of the world. "The worst is yet to come. The worst is just beginning. There will never be a happy ending." "Gods bless," Dareon laughed, "Killer, what a coward you are.