Chapter 58 Chapter 57

Larry and Leo sat on the curb in front of the house.Larry was drinking a pitcher of warm Ham and Leo was drinking warm orange juice.You can drink anything in Boulder these days as long as it's in a can and you don't mind drinking it warm.Behind the house came the roar of a lawnmower.Lucy is mowing the grass. Larry offered to mow the grass, and Lucy shook her head. "Look what's happened to Leo, if you can." It's the last day of August. The day after Nadina moved in with Harold, Leo didn't eat breakfast.Larry found him in the room, wearing only his underwear, with his thumb in his mouth.He was reluctant to speak and was hostile.Larry was more scared than Lucy because she didn't know what Leo was like when Larry first met him.His name was Joe, and he was sharpening a murder knife.

It's been the better part of a week and Leo is doing better, but he's not fully recovered and won't talk about what happened that day. "That woman has something to do with it," said Lucy, as she assembled the lawn mower. "Nadina? Why do you think so?" "I wasn't going to mention it. She came the day you and Leo were fishing in the Creek. She wanted to see the kid. I'm glad you two weren't home." "Lucy..." She gave him a quick kiss and he gave her a friendly squeeze. "I've misjudged you before," she said, "and I'll always be sorry for it. But I'll never like Nadina Cross. There's something wrong with her."

Larry didn't answer, but he thought Lucy was probably right.She looked like a madman at Kim Thorpe's that night. "One more thing—she doesn't call him Leo when she's here. She calls him another name. Jo." She turned to turn on the automatic switch to start the lawn mower, and he looked at her blankly. Now, half an hour later, he was drinking hams and watching Leo shoot the ping-pong ball he had picked up that day when the two of them had walked to Harold's house together.Now Nadina lives there.The little white ball is dirty, but not uneven.The racket clacked on the road.

Leo (he's Leo now, isn't he?) doesn't want to go into Harold's house that day. Go into the house where Nadina's mother lives now. "Do you want to fish?" Larry asked suddenly. "No fishing," Leo said.He looked at Larry with those strange sea-blue-green eyes. "Do you know Mr. Ellis?" "certainly." "He said we could drink water when the fish came back. Drink water and not have to..." He purred, wiggling his fingers in front of his eyes, "You know." "It doesn't have to be boiled?" "yes."

clap clap. "I like Dick. He and Laurie. Always feed me. He's worried they can't, but I think they can." "What can you do?" "To have a baby. Dick thinks he's too old. He's worried they won't, but I think they can." Larry was about to ask Leo and Dick how the subject was brought up, but then closed it again.The answer, of course, is that they haven't talked about it.Dick wouldn't talk to a child about such a personal thing as having a baby.Leo just...just knew. clap clap. Yes, Leo knew things...or had a hunch.He didn't want to go near Harold's house, and said something about Nadina...he can't remember exactly what it was now...but Larry heard that Nadina moved in with Harold When I was staying, I recalled that conversation and felt very uneasy.

Crack-crack-crack... Larry watched the ping pong ball bouncing back and forth when he caught a sudden look in Leo's face.The boy's gaze was dark and distant.The sound of the lawn mower sounds distant and sometimes muffled.The sun is warm and smooth.Leo seemed to understand Larry's mind, and reacted, and entered the hypnotic state again. Leo went to see the elephants. Larry said very casually, "Yeah, I think they're going to have a baby. Dick doesn't look past fifty-five. I remember Cary Grant had a kid when he was about seventy." "Who's Cary Grant?" Leo asked.The ping pong ball jumped up and down a few times.

(Notorios. North of Northwest.) "Don't you know?" he asked Leo. "He's an actor," Leo said. "He's in Notorios. Northwest." (North of Northwest.) "North of the Northwest, I mean," Leo said in a tone of agreement.He never took his eyes off the bouncing ping pong ball. "Yes," he said, "how's Mama Nadina, Leo?" "She calls me Joe. I'm Joe to her." "Oh." Larry felt a chill down his back. "It's not good now." "not good?" "They're both bad." "Nadina and..."

(Harold?) "Yes, that's him." "Aren't they happy?" "He lied to them. They thought he wanted them." "he?" "he." The word seemed to hang in the still air of summer. clap clap. "They're going west," said Leo. "My God," Larry muttered.He is very cold now.Fear made him go cold.Does he really want to hear that kind of talk again?It was like watching the door of a tomb slowly open in a silent cemetery, and seeing a hand stretch out... Whatever it is, I don't want to hear it, I don't want to know.

"Mama Nadina wanted to think it was your fault," said Leo, "she wanted to think you drove her to Harold's. But she waited on purpose. She waited until you loved Mama Lucy too much. She kept Wait until it's certain. It's like he's grinding away the part of her mind that knows right from wrong. He's grinding that part away. By the time she loses that part completely, she'll be like the West Siders Crazy. Maybe crazier." "Leo..." Larry whispered, and Leo replied immediately: "She calls me Joe. I'm Joe to her." "Can I be called Joe too?" Larry asked suspiciously.

"No." The boy's tone was a bit pleading, "No, please don't." "Do you miss Mama Nadina, Leo?" "She's dead." Leo's answer was eeriely simple. "That's why you stayed out that night?" "yes." "Is that why you didn't say anything?" "yes." "But now you're talking." "I can talk to you and Mama Lucy." "Yeah, of course..." "But not always!" said the boy grimly. "Not always, unless you talk to Franny! Talk to Franny! Talk to Franny!"

"About Nadina?" "no!" "About what? About you?" Leo's voice rose and shrieked. "It's all written! You know! Franny knows! Talk to Franny!" "The committee..." "Not the committee! The committee can't help you, it won't help anyone, the committee is the old way, and he laughs at your committee because it's the old way, and the old way is his way, you know, Frannie knows, if Talk to the two of you and you'll be able to..." Leo slapped the ping pong ball vigorously—snap! —the ball jumped high over his head, came down and rolled away.Larry watched with his mouth dry, his heart beating violently in his chest. "I dropped the ball." Leo said and ran to pick it up. Larry sat there watching him. Franny, he thought. They sat on the ledge of the bandstand with their legs dangling.It was still an hour before dark, and several people were walking through the park, some holding hands.Children's time is also lover's time, Franny suddenly remembered.Larry had just told her all about Leo's haunting, and her head was still working. "What were you thinking?" Larry asked. "I don't know what to think," she said softly, "but I don't like what's going on. It's like a dream. An old woman who was God's voice sometimes went off into the wilderness. Now there is a child It looks like telepathy. It's like living in a fairy tale. Sometimes I think the super flu didn't kill us, it drove us crazy." "He said I should tell you. So I did." She didn't answer. "Well," Larry said, "if something happens to you..." "Write it down," Franny said softly. "That kid was right. That's the whole crux of the matter. If I hadn't been so stupid and vain enough to write it all down... oh damn!" Larry stared at her in astonishment. "What did you say?" "It's Harold'" she said, "I'm scared. I'm ashamed I didn't tell Stu. It's stupid to keep a diary...now Stu...he really likes Harold...everyone in the land of the free Everyone likes Harold, including you." She gave a wry smile through her tears. "After all, he is your spiritual guide, isn't he?" "I didn't catch you," Larry said slowly. "Can you tell me what you're afraid of?" "Actually, I can't tell," she looked at him with tears in her eyes. "I think I'd better tell you all I can say, Larry. I've got to tell someone. God knows I can't help it anymore, but Stu... Stu isn't the man to listen to. At least not Should be the first." "Go on, Franny. Go ahead." So she began with the day in June when Harold drove Roy Brannigan's Cadillac into the driveway of her home in Ogunquit.As she talked, the last rays of bright sunlight took on a blue hue, the lovers in the park began to leave, and a crescent moon rose.Some gas lamps were already lit in a multi-storey apartment a little farther from Kanwon.She told him about the markings on the roof of the warehouse, and how she fell asleep when Harold risked his life to put her name underneath.And how he met Stu, and Harold's violent reaction to Stu's hatred.She told about her diary and the thumbprints in the diary.By the time she finished speaking, it was past 9 o'clock, and the crickets were chirping.Silence fell over them, and Franny waited anxiously for Larry to break the silence.But he seemed lost in thought. Finally he said: "How sure are you of that fingerprint? Are you sure it's Harold?" She only hesitated before saying, "Yes, I knew it was Harold's as soon as I saw it." "The warehouse he marked," Larry said, "remember the night I met you and said I climbed it? Harold carved his initials into the attic beams?" "Remember." "It's not just his initials, it's yours too. Written in a heart. That's what a lovesick teenager would do on his desk." She wiped her eyes with her hand. "What a mess," she said hoarsely. "You're not responsible for Harold's actions." Larry squeezed her hands tightly and looked at her and said, "Listen, don't blame yourself. Because if you..." He squeezed harder and harder. Lanny was pinched, but his facial expression was still gentle.He went on to say, "If you do this, you will really go crazy. It's not easy for a person to take care of his own affairs, how can he take care of others." He let go, and the two were silent for a while. "Do you think Harold hates Stu to the point of wanting to kill him?" he said at last. "Do you really think that's the case?" "Yes," she said. "I really think that's possible. Maybe he hates the whole committee. But I don't know..." He put his hands on her shoulders and held her tightly, calming her down.His appearance changed in the darkness, his eyes widened.His lips moved silently. "Larry? What..." "He came downstairs," murmured Larry, "for a corkscrew or something." "what?" Larry turned towards her slowly, as if his neck was rusted. "You know," he said, "there's probably a solution to everything. I can't guarantee it because I haven't read the book, but...it makes perfect sense...Harold read your diary and got Not only amazing news, but an idea. He might even be jealous that you thought of it first. Don't all great writers keep diaries?" "You mean Harold has a diary?" "When he went down to the basement, the day I brought the wine, I took a rough look at his living room. He said he was going to decorate some chromed sheet metal and leather, and I tried to imagine the effect they might have, That's when I noticed the loose stone on the fireplace..." "Yes!" she cried, making Larry jump to his feet. "The day I sneaked in... Nadina Cross came... I sat on the hearth... I remember the loose stone." She looked at Larry again. Something always leads us by the nose and leads us to the stone..." "Purely coincidental," he said, sounding disturbed. "Really? We were all at Harold's house, and we both noticed the pine stone. Now we're all here again. Is it a coincidence?" "I have no idea." "What's under that rock?" "A ledger," he said slowly. "At least that's what it says on the cover. I didn't look inside. I thought it was easy at the time. It could have belonged to the old owner of the house, or it could have belonged to Harold. But if it had belonged to the old owner, didn't Harold Found it? Both of us noticed the loose rock. So presumably he found it too. Even though the man who lived there before the flu had written it full of little secrets - the number of tax evasions he had for his daughter sexual fantasies, I don't know what was written - those secrets wouldn't be Harold's. Do you understand?" "I understand, but..." "Please don't interrupt Inspector Underwood as he explains, you flippant little girl. So if these secrets aren't Harold's, why is he putting the ledger back under the stone? Because it's his secret, It's Harold's diary." "Do you think the ledger is still there?" "Maybe, I think we'd better go and see." "Now?" "Tomorrow. He's out with the funeral committee, and Nadina is helping out at the power station all afternoon." "Okay," she said. "Do you think I should tell Stu?" "Why don't we wait? There's no need to make a big deal about it unless we think it's really important. That book might not be there anymore. It might just be a notepad. It might just be full of completely innocuous things. Or Outline of Harold's political program. It may have been written in code." "I never thought about it. What are we going to do if it's important?" "Then I think we'll have to tell the Free State Council. That's another reason why this has to be dealt with as soon as possible. We have a meeting on the 2nd and the Council will take care of it." "can you?" "Yeah, I think so," said Larry, but he also remembered something Leo had said about the committee. She slid off the ledge of the bandstand and stood on the ground. "I feel better. Thanks for being here, Larry." "Where should we meet?" "The little park across from Harold's house. How about tomorrow at one o'clock?" "Okay," Larry said, "see you then." Franny came home with a lightness she hadn't had in a long time.As Larry said, the situation is pretty clear, it's either one or the other.That ledger might prove all their fears unfounded.But if it proves otherwise... Well, if not, let the committee decide.Larry had reminded her of their meeting on the evening of the 2nd at Nick and Ralph's house, near the end of Baseli Street. When she got home, Stu was sitting in the living room with a felt-tip pen in one hand and a thick leather-bound book in the other.The title of the book was printed in gold leaf, and it was called An Introduction to the Laws of Criminal Justice in Colorado. "It's a big book," she said, kissing him. "Argentina," he slammed the book onto the dressing table opposite. "Al Bundle brought it over. He wants to speak to the Free State Council when we meet the day after tomorrow. What are you up to, pretty lady?" "Talk to Larry Underwood." He watched her with concern for a long time. "Frannie, have you ever cried?" "Yes," she said, looking calmly into his eyes, "but now I feel better. Much better." "Is it a child's business?" "no." "what is that?" "I'll tell you tomorrow night. I'll tell you everything that's been bothering me, but stop asking now, okay?" "Is it serious?" "Stu, I don't know." He stared at her for a long, long time. "Well, Franny," he said, "I love you." "I know. I love you too." "Go to sleep?" She smiled and said, "Yes, honey." The first day of September was gray and rainy, a dreary day—but a memorable one for every resident of the Free State.That was the day power was restored north of Boulder...at least for a while. In the control room of the power station at ten minutes to noon, Brad Kitchener watched Stu, Nick, Ralph, and Jack Jackson stand behind him.Brad smiled nervously and said, "Hail Mary, please help me win this race." He jerked down the two big switches.In the huge dark hall below them, two test generators began to hum.The five of them walked up to the polarized glass window that covered the entire floor and looked down. Below stood about 100 people, all wearing protective goggles on Brad's orders. "If we don't do it right, I'd rather waste two generators than 52." Brad had already said to them. The generator roared louder. Nick nudged Stu, then pointed to the office ceiling, and Stu looked up, laughing.Behind the translucent wainscoting, fluorescent light had begun to flicker faintly.The generator turns faster and faster, making a high-speed and steady hum, and reaches a state of balance.The workers gathered below clapped involuntarily, and some of them frowned in pain when they applauded; the copper wires were wound for countless hours, and their hands were peeled off. Fluorescence is blinking brightly, and everything is normal now. For Nick, the feeling at this time is the opposite of the fear he experienced when all the lights in Suoyou suddenly went out-not a kind of death, but a kind of resurrection. Two generators provide power to a small portion of northern Boulder in the North Street area.The inhabitants of that area were unaware of the trial that morning, and many fled as if all the devils of hell were after them. The TV was shining with dazzling snowflakes.At a house on Spruce Avenue, a mixer started humming a long-set cheese and egg mixture.The blender engine overloaded shortly thereafter and blew the fuse.In a disused garage, a chainsaw comes to life, spewing sawdust out of its interior in bursts.The fire in the stove started to burn.In an old record store called the Wex Museum, Mar Gay sang, and the lyrics with rock beats seemed to come back to life: "Let's dance...let's shout...fashion is everything...let's dance... let's shout..." A transformer in Maple Street had burned out, and bright sparks splashed down and flickered on the wet grass. In the power station, one of them started screeching and began to smoke.The people around immediately retreated in horror.Immediately the air was filled with the disgusting smell of ozone.Sirens screeched harshly. "Too high!" Brad yelled. "The damn wires are shorted! Overloaded!" He quickly ran to flip both switches.The sound of the generator gradually died down, but at this moment, the huge crackling sound mixed with the screams of people came from below. Due to the shielding of the safety glass, it sounded a bit dull. "My God!" said Ralph, "one's burning." Above their heads, the glow faded to a small white nucleus, then went out completely.Brad flung open the control room door and stepped out onto the landing.His cry echoed in the huge space. "Get the foam extinguisher quick! Quick!" Soon several foam extinguishers were aimed at the generator and the flames were doused.The air smelled of ozone.The others ran to the platform and stood beside Brad. Stu put a hand on Brad's shoulder. "It has happened, and I feel sorry for you, too," he said. Brad turned his head and grinned, "Sad? Why sad?" "It's burning, isn't it?" said Jack. "Damn it, yes! Exactly! The transformers around North Avenue are all fucking burnt out. We forgot, damn it, we forgot! They're broken, they're all dead, but they ain't used to it before they blow Turn off appliances. All over Boulder there are countless TVs, ovens, electric blankets on. Electricity is slowly draining. These generators are built with the design that they can when one area is overloaded and another is under Crossing the lines. That one generator is trying to cross feed, but the others are all off, understand?" Brad was rambling with excitement. "Gary! Do you remember why all of Gary in Indiana burned down?" They nodded. "Can't say for sure, we'll never know for sure, but what happened could have happened elsewhere. The power might not go out that quickly. In some cases, a shorted electric blanket was enough to cut the power. We're lucky it happened, I think so—I can't be wrong." "That's what you said." Ralph replied suspiciously. Brad said, "We're starting from the ground up, but just an engine. We're going to work, but..." Brad started snapping his fingers, an automatic gesture of excitement. "We dare not connect the electricity again until we are sure. Will we find any other workers? A dozen more?" "Sure, I think so," said Stu, "what do they do?" "Set up a turnoff squad. They're going to go around Boulder and turn off anything that's still open. We're afraid to turn on the power until all this is done. We don't have a fire department, guys." Ladd laughed a little maniacally. "We've got a State of the Free Council meeting tomorrow night," Stu said. "You can come and explain why you need those guys, and you'll get the guys you want. But can you be sure there won't be another overload?" "Certainly. Today's accident would never have happened if there weren't so many electrical appliances that were switched on. Speaking of which, someone should go out to the north side of Boulder and see if it's all burned down there." No one knew if Brad was joking.It turned out that there were several small fires there, almost all caused by hot electrical appliances.Because of the light rain, there was no fire anywhere. All that residents of the Free State remember about September 1, 1990, is that the power was restored—albeit only for 30 seconds. An hour later, Franny rode a bicycle to the exquisite park opposite Harold's house.In the northern part of the park, just behind the picnic tables, Boulder has a river that flows quietly.The morning drizzle turned to fog. She looked around, didn't see Larry, and put down the bike.She was walking across the wet grass to the swing when a voice said, "Come here, Franny." Startled, she looked in the direction of the toilet, feeling terribly frightened for a moment.A tall figure stood in the shadow of the short passage leading to the toilet, and at that moment she thought... The figure stepped out, it was Larry, wearing faded jeans and a cloth shirt.Franny breathed a sigh of relief. "Did I scare you?" he asked. "At one point," she sat on the swing, her heartbeat slowed down, "I can see a shadow standing in the darkness over there..." "I'm sorry, I think it's safer this way, although it doesn't look directly at Harold's house. I saw you on your bicycle." She nodded and said, "Shh, be quiet." "I hid my car in that shed." He pointed to a low shed with no walls around the playground. With difficulty, Franny dragged the car over the swings and slides and lowered it into the shed.The smell inside is really bad.She thought that this place might have been a place where unsophisticated young people fell in love.The floor was strewn with cigarette butts and beer bottles, and there was a pair of crumpled shorts in one corner.She parked the car next to Larry's and was out in no time.In the shadows, she smelled a strong stench, and it was all too easy to imagine a man in black standing behind him with a twisted coat hanger in his hand. "Stay at the Holiday Inn, don't you?" said Larry flatly. "I don't think it's a good place," Frannie said with a shiver. "Whatever the outcome, Larry, I want to tell Stu everything tonight." Larry nodded. "Yes, he is not only a member of the committee, but also a law enforcement officer." Franny looked at him worriedly.For the first time she understood that the outcome of the expedition might put Harold in prison.They planned to sneak into Harold's house without permission and search it. "Oh, bad," she said. "Not very nice, is it?" He agreed. "You want to leave it at that?" She thought for a long while, then shook her head. "Okay. I think we should know what to do." "Are you sure they're both out?" "Yes. I saw Harold go out in the Funeral Board truck this morning. The Electricity Board has been invited to see the trials." "Are you sure she's gone too?" "It would be ridiculous if she hadn't gone, wouldn't it?" Franny thought about it carefully, then nodded. "I think it will go. By the way, Stu said they hope to have power back to most of the city by the 6th." "That's going to be a great day," Larry said, thinking about how nice that would be—sitting in a karaoke room or on stage with a big guitar and a big amp in his hand, turning the volume up. To the maximum, play whatever you want, simple and intense rhythm will do. At this time, Franny said: "But we should find an excuse, just in case." Larry grinned, "If any of them come back, let's just say we're selling subscriptions?" "No, Larry." "If she's there, then can we just say we're here to tell her what you just said about getting the power back on again?" Franny nodded and said, "That's not bad." "Don't be kidding, Franny. If we told her we came because Jesus Christ just walked up and down the top of the city hydroelectric plant, she'd be suspicious." "If she feels a little bit guilty about something, she'll believe it." "Yes, if she feels guilty." "Come on," said Franny after a moment's thought, "let's go." There is no need for excuses at all.After knocking hard on the front and back doors, they found that Harold's house was indeed empty.Frannie thought, that's fine, the more she thought about it, the more she felt that the fabricated excuse was full of loopholes. "How did you get in there last time?" Larry asked. "From the cellar window." They went around the side of the house, Franny keeping out the wind, and Larry pushing and pulling at the window to no avail. "Perhaps you succeeded then," he said, "but now the windows are locked." "No, maybe it's just stuck somewhere. Let me try." But her luck wasn't much better.Harold had locked the window tightly since the last time she had sneaked in. "What do we do now?" she asked Larry. "Break the glass." "Larry, he'll find out." "What the heck. If he didn't have to hide anything, he'd think it was just some kid doing it and smashing the glass in an empty house. It sure looked empty, especially with the curtains Come down. If he's really hiding something, it's going to worry him a lot, and he deserves it, right?" She was a little skeptical, but she didn't stop him when he took off his shirt to cover his fist and forearm.Larry smashed the pane of the window hard, then reached in for the deadbolt. "Here," he opened the deadbolt, and the window opened inward.Larry jumped in and turned to help Franny. "Be careful, don't be careless in Harold Lauder's cellar." He took her arm and slowly lowered her down.They walked around the rec room together and found little bits of colored wire strewn all over the pool table. "What is this?" She said and picked up a paragraph, "There was no such thing before." He shrugged and said, "Perhaps Harold is making a better mousetrap." There was a box under the table and he dragged it out.The box lid reads: Advanced Utility Walkie-Talkie, Batteries Not Included.Larry opened the box, but the weight of the box told him it was empty. "It's a walkie-talkie, not a mousetrap," Franny said. "No, it's not a kit. Buy it like this and it will work. Maybe he's doing a makeover. Remember how Stu complained when Stu and Harold and Ralph went looking for Mama Abagil Is the walkie-talkie reception good?" She nodded, but the little bit of wire still confused her. Larry put the box back on the ground and said what he later thought was the worst mistake he'd ever made in his life, "It doesn't matter," he said, "let's go." They climbed the stairs, but this time the upper door was locked.She looked at him, and Larry shrugged. "We've come this far, haven't we?" Franny nodded. Larry pushed his shoulder against the door to get a feel for where the other latch was, and slammed into it.The latch on the other side rattled and slammed open.Larry stooped to pick up the deadbolt from the linoleum-covered kitchen floor. "I can put it back on and he won't notice anything. Just have a screwdriver handy." "Why bother? He'll see the broken window." "That's it. But if you put the deadbolt back on the door, he'll... what are you laughing at?" "Well, the deadbolt must be put back on. But how do you strike the deadbolt back from the cellar?" He thought for a moment and said, "My God, I hate self-righteous women." He tossed the latch onto the plastic-covered counter in the kitchen. "Let's go and see what's under the fireplace." They went into the dark living room, and Franny began to feel worried.Last time Nadina didn't have a key.This time, if she came back, she would be able to enter the house.If she did come back, she and Larry would be caught.What a bitter joke it would be if Stu's first job as a lawman was to arrest his girlfriend for vandalism and breaking and entering. "That's it, is it?" Larry said, pointing. "Yes, hurry up." "Actually he would probably have moved it away." Harold did.It was Nadina who put it in again. Larry and Franny didn't know anything about it. Larry moved the turquoise board away, and the book was placed in the gap, and the gold letters that read "Ledger" glowed softly.Both Franny and Larry stared at the notebook.The room seemed to suddenly become more stuffy and dark. "So," said Larry, "shall we enjoy it or read it?" "Come on," Franny said, "I don't even want to touch it." Larry took the book out of the gap and brushed off the white lime on the cover.He flipped through it at random.The handwriting was written with a felt-tipped pen such as the once-popular brand of Parker.With this pen Harold could write very small - the handwriting of a very careful man, perhaps with a sense of urgency.There are no paragraphs in the book, and there is only a small gap left and right on the left and right sides of the page, but the size of the gap is always the same, and the two sides are straight as if drawn with a ruler. "It'll take three days to read it all," Larry said, turning to the beginning of the book. "Stop," said Franny. She reached over and flipped back a few pages.The words here are framed with thick lines.The boxed part looks like the motto: To obey fate is to acknowledge some great power, the power of providence; and is it still not possible that the act of obedience to providence itself is the source of a greater power?God and the devil have the key to the lighthouse; I have been groping for two months; but he has given to each of us the responsibility to guide the course. Harold Lauder "Sorry," said Larry, "I said that. Do you understand?" Franny shook her head slowly. "I suppose Harold was persuading as honorable as leading. But as a motto, I don't think it's a substitute for 'thrift and thrift'." Larry continued to turn to the beginning of the book, and in the middle came four or five mottoes framed, all of them marked in capital letters as Harold's. "Oh!" said Larry, "look at this, Franny!" Pride and hatred are said to be the two great sins of mankind.Are they?I consider them the highest human virtues.放弃了骄傲与憎恨就意味着你将为世界的利益而改变自己。表现出骄傲或是憎恨更为高尚；也就是说世界必须为了你的利益而改变。我正在进行伟大的冒险。 哈罗德·劳德 “这是一个神经严重失常的人的作品，”法兰妮说。她感到浑身发冷。 “这与让我们开始卷入这件事的念头是一类的。”拉里赞同道。他迅速地翻到了本子的开头部分。“时间不多了，我们看看它有什么用。” 他们谁也不知道接下来做什么。账本中的东西，他们只看了一些框起来的座右铭，一两个偶尔出现的属于哈罗德特有的错综复杂的句型（似乎像是哈罗德·劳德臆造出来的复合句），但意义都不大。 因此，他们在账本开头看到的话令他们大惊失色。 日记从第一页的顶部写起。上面整洁地标着①。这一页有首行缩进，除了那些框住的座右铭外，这是法兰妮见到的整本中唯一的首行缩进。他们像唱诗班的孩子一样两人一起捧着账本读了第一句话， 法兰妮干涩地小声说“噢！”，她的手轻轻地压到嘴上。 “法兰妮，我们必须带走这本子。”拉里说。 "Yes, it is." “把它给斯图看看。我不知道利奥的话对不对，他们是否站到了黑衣人一边，但最起码，哈罗德精神不正常，非常危险。你也看得出来。” “是的，”她又说了一遍。她感到浑身软弱无力。这就是日记风波的结局。似乎她早就知道会是这种结果，似乎从她看到那个脏指印的那一刻她就知道了。她必须不断地对自己说不要晕倒，不要晕倒。 “法兰妮？法兰妮？你没事吧？” 拉里的声音仿佛从很远处传来。 哈罗德账本上的第一句话是： 在今年这个愉快的夏天，我最大的乐趣将是杀死斯图尔特·雷德曼先生；说不定连她也杀死。 “拉尔夫？拉尔夫·布伦特纳，你在家吗？喂，喂，有人在家吗？” 她站在台阶上，注视着房子。院子里没有摩托车，只有几辆自行车靠在一边。拉尔夫要是在家，应该听到她了，但是不能忘了还有个哑巴。这个又聋又哑的家伙。你喊破了嗓子他也不会回答一声，但他却在那里。 纳迪娜将购物袋从一只手交到另一只手，试着推了一下门，发现门没有锁。她迈步进了屋里，外面大雾弥漫。她站到了一个小门厅里。有四节向上的楼梯通向厨房，一排向下的楼梯通向地下室——哈罗德说安德罗斯在那里有自己的房间。纳迪娜满脸堆笑地走下楼梯，脑袋里思索着如果他在那里她应该拿什么当借口。 我进来是因为我想你听不到我在敲门。我们想知道包装那两台烧坏的发电机是否需要倒班。布拉德有没有跟你说过什么？ 下面只有两个房间。其中一个是卧室，简单的如同修道士的小屋。另一间是个书房，有一张书桌，一把大椅子，一个废纸篓，一个书橱。书桌上散乱地摆着些纸张，她随便看了看。大部分她看不出什么意思——她想那应该是某次对话中尼克的话（我想如此，但是难道我们不应该问问他是否有更为简单的方法吗？其中一个写道）。其他的似乎是他自己的备忘录、便条和想法。 其中有的东西让她想起哈罗德账本中被哈罗德自己戏称为“指引美好生活的路标”的座右铭来。 一个写着： 跟格兰讲贸易。我们中有人知道贸易是如何起源的吗？是由于货物缺乏吗？或者市场上一个变化了的角落？技巧。可能是个关键的字眼。如果布拉德·基切纳决定以出售代替赠送会怎么样？或者是医生？我们该付给他什么？Well. 另一个写着： 社会保障是双向的。 还有一个写着： 我们每次讨论完法律后我都要整晚地做关于硕尤的噩梦。亲眼目睹他们死去。目睹奇尔德雷斯将晚餐扔得满屋都是。法律啊，法律，我们该对该死的法律怎么办？处以死刑。现在有一个可笑的想法。布拉德开始供电后，再过多久，别人就会让他安装一个电椅？ 她勉强地将视线从桌上的废纸中移开。浏览一个只会用笔记下思想的人留下来的纸张是件令人着迷的事情（在大学时，她的一个教授常说没有语言的表达，思维的过程永远不会完整。），但是她下到这里的目的已经达到了。 尼克不在这儿，这里没有人。逗留太久对她没什么好处。 她回到了楼上。哈罗德曾告诉她说，她们可能会在起居室里开会。这是一间大的起居室，地上铺着紫红色的长毛绒厚地毯，一个石头烟囱一直通到房顶的独立式壁炉占去了屋子的首要位置。整个西面的墙是玻璃做的，可以看到整个弗拉蒂龙斯。这使她感到自己如同一只趴在墙上的虫子，整个暴露在外面。她知道玻璃墙的外表面是经碘化处理的，外面的人只能看到镜子般的反射效果，但心理作用还是让她感觉完全暴露在外面。她想快点结束。 在屋子的南边，她找到了要找的东西，一个拉尔夫没有清理干净的大壁橱。衣服挂在最里头，角落里有一堆乱糟糟的鞋子和手套，还有一些只有3英尺高的冬天穿的毛料衣服。 她麻利地将食品和其他东西从购物袋中取了出来。这些都是用来伪装的，只有薄薄的一层。在罐装番茄酱和沙丁鱼下面是装在普泼牌鞋盒子里的炸药和步话机。 “如果我把它放到壁橱里，它还能有用吗？”她出发前曾问道，“外面的墙不会阻碍爆炸吗？” “纳迪娜，”哈罗德当时答道，“我没有理由认为这个装置会不起作用。如果它启动了的话，它将把整个房子以及周围的东西炸到山上去。你认为他们开会前不会注意哪里，就把它放在哪里。壁橱就很好。外面的墙会被炸成碎片。我相信你的判断力，亲爱的。这将跟过去那个裁缝与苍蝇的民间故事一样。一下炸死7个人。只不过这一次，我们对付的是一伙政治臭虫。” 纳迪娜把鞋和围巾推到一边，垒了一个洞，将鞋盒子放了进去。她将鞋和围巾盖到了上面，然后离开了壁橱。不管怎样，一切就绪。 她迅速离开了房子，没有回头看，试图不理会那个永不沉默的声音。那个声音现在让她回到房子里，拔掉雷管和步话机之间的电线，告诉她在她被这一切逼疯之前放弃行动。因为其实不久的将来等待着她的不就是精神失常吗？距现在可能不到两个星期了！神经错乱不就是合乎逻辑的最终结局吗？ 她将装着食品杂物的包放到了摩托车的车筐里，发动起马达。在她骑车离开的整个过程中，那个声音一直在萦绕：你不准备把它留在那里，是不是？你不准备把那枚炸弹留在那里，是不是？ 在一个已经死了那么多人的世界里…… 她转了一个弯，几乎看不清眼前的路。泪水开始模糊她的双眼。 ……最大的罪孽就是夺去一个人的生命。 那里有7条性命。不，还不止，因为委员会将要听取几个小组委员会负责人的报告。 她停在巴塞利街和百老汇街的拐角处，打算调头返回去。她全身在发抖。 她根本无法向哈罗德解释清楚后来发生的一切——事实上，她甚至没有试过。这是即将到来的恐怖的前兆。 她感到黑暗慢慢逼近她的视野。 黑暗如同一个缓慢放下的黑色帷幕随着狂风舞动。有时风特别大，帷幕飞舞得特别起劲，于是她便能够透过帷幕的褶边看到一点亮光，看到一点这个荒废的交叉路口。 黑暗慢慢地吞噬她的视线，不久她便迷失在黑暗中。她什么也看不到，什么也听不到，甚至什么也感觉不到了。纳迪娜的本我，她的思想，飘到了一个如海水，如羊水般的温暖的黑茧中。 她感到他正在慢慢地逼近她。 她想放声尖叫，但嘴里却发不出任何的声音。 渗透：熵。 她不知道这两个词放在一起是什么意思；她只是知道它们是对的。 这与以往她的任何感觉都不同。后来她想用比喻描述这种感觉，但又一个个否定了： 你正在游泳，突然在温暖的水中，你踩到了刺骨冰凉的水里。 你被注射了麻醉药，牙医在给你拔牙。牙被拔了出来，你一点不痛。你将血吐到白色的搪瓷盆中。牙床上出现了一个洞；你被凿了一个洞。你可以把舌头伸到洞中，而一秒钟前你身体的一部分还活在那里。 你盯着镜子中自己的脸。你盯着看了很长时间。5分钟，10分钟，15分钟。眼睛一眨不眨地看。你恐惧地看到脸在改变，变成一张狼脸。你变成连自己都认不出的陌生人，一个涂满橄榄油的德国童话中的幽灵，一个苍白肤色，红眼睛的精神错乱的吸血鬼。 其实这些比喻中哪个都不是，但是有点相同的味道。 黑衣人进入了她的躯体，他是冰冷的。 当纳迪娜睁开双眼时，她第一个念头就是她在地狱里。 地狱是苍白的，与黑衣人的世界相反。她看到了白茫茫的一片虚无。这是白色的地狱，到处都是。 她盯着这团白色（不可能看到里面去），迷茫而痛苦，不知过了多久她才感觉到两腿间的摩托车车架，感觉到有了另一种颜色——绿色出现在视野边缘。 她使劲从呆滞的状态回过神来。她望了望四周。她的嘴角在微微地颤抖；她的双眼呆滞，被恐惧麻痹了。黑衣人已经进入到她的躯体中，弗拉格已经附到了她的身上，他驱走了她的五种感官，现在她只剩下一个躯壳。他控制着她，像一个人驾驶着一辆车。他要把她带到哪去呢？ 她的目光扫过那片白色，看到那是一块巨大的电影银幕，背景是雾蒙蒙的天空。拐了个弯，她看到了一个快餐店。店面被刷成了鲜亮的粉红色，前面写着“欢迎来到假日双人房！在今晚的星空下享受娱乐。” 在巴塞利街与百老汇街交汇处黑暗降临到她头上。现在她骑在第28号大街上，几乎出了市区快到朗蒙特了。 他还在她的躯体里，深深地扎在她的头脑中，就像贴在地上的凉黏液一样。 她被柱子包围着，钢柱子，像在站岗的哨兵，每根都有5英尺高，每根安装有一套扩音装置。柱子的底座铺有砾石，小草和蒲公英从砾石中窜出来，她想“假日双人房”从6月中旬以来没有多少住客。所以可以说对此处的娱乐圈而言，这个夏天是死去了。 “我为什么要来这儿？”她小声说。 这只不过是自语；她没有期待答复。所以当有声音答复她时，她从喉咙中发出惊恐的尖叫。 所有的扩音器立刻都从柱子上掉下来，落到了散落着草籽的砾石上。跌落的声响巨大而猛烈——像死尸砸到地上的声音。 “纳迪娜，”那个声音刺耳地叫着，那是'他'的声音。她大声尖叫起来。她把手抬起来，手掌贴到了耳朵上，但却无法挡住那个巨大的充满可怕快感和欲望的声音。 “纳迪娜，纳迪娜，哦我是多么爱纳迪娜，我的宠物，我的美人？” “住嘴！”她提高嗓门尖叫着，但与那个巨大的声音相比还是小的可怜。过了一会儿，那声音真的停了。四周一片寂静。落在地上的扩音器在砾石地上望着她，像巨大的昆虫皱皱的眼睛。 纳迪娜的手慢慢地从耳朵上滑下来。 你发疯了，她安慰自己说。这就是全部。紧张的等待……哈罗德的游戏……最后放置炸药……所有这一切最终把你逼到绝境，你已经疯了。或许这样更好。 但她没有发疯，她知道这点。 这比疯了更糟。 似乎为了证明这一点，扩音器又响了起来，声音严肃而谨慎，就像校长通过学校的内部喇叭向一群合伙做了坏事的学生训话一样。“纳迪娜，他们知道。” “他们知道。”她如鹦鹉学舌般重复着。她不能肯定他们是谁，或者他们知道什么，但她非常清楚这是不可避免的。 “你很愚蠢。上帝喜欢白痴；我不喜欢。” 这些话在傍晚时分响起，传向远方。她的衣服湿漉漉地贴着皮肤，头发稀疏地贴在她苍白的面颊上，她有些发抖。 愚蠢，她想。愚蠢，愚蠢。我知道这个词是什么意思。我想，我想它意味着死亡。 “他们全都知道……除了那个鞋盒子。炸药。” 扩音器。到处都是扩音器，在白色的砾石地面上看着她，从雨中合上了的蒲公英丛中窥视她。 “到日出剧场去。待在那里，直到明天晚上。直到他们开会。然后你和哈罗德才可以过来。到我这里来。” 现在纳迪娜心里充满了单纯而强烈的感激之情。他们很愚蠢……但是他们又得到了一次机会。他们十分重要，以至他亲自干预。很快她将和他在一起……然后她将会发疯，她很清楚这一点，那时一切都无所谓了。 “日出剧场可能太远了，”她说。她的声带受伤了，只能发出沙哑的声音。 “可能太远了……”离哪儿太远了？她思索着。oh!噢对了！ “离步话机太远了。离信号太远了。” No one answered. 砾石地上的扩音器仰望着她，有好几百个。 她扳了一下摩托车的启动器，车发动起来了。回音让她本能地缩了一下头。这种声音听起来像来复枪。她想离开这个可怕的地方，远远地离开那些盯着她的扩音器。 必须离开。 在转弯的时候她失去了平衡。如果是在铺筑的路面上她可以把车控制的很好，但是在松散的石子路面上摩托车的后轮很容易打滑，她狠狠地摔到了地上，嘴唇咬破了，脸颊也受了伤。她爬了起来，眼睛睁得大大的，充满了痛苦，继续骑着车。她全身都在发抖。 现在她骑进了一条巷子里，汽车要进入“免停车”的露天影院就得从这种小巷开进去。检票处就在她前面不远处，看起来像个小收费亭。她准备出去，离开这里。 在她的身后，数百个扩音器一起响了起来，现在这个声音在唱歌，没有曲调的歌声令人恐怖：“我即将见到你……在所有过去熟悉的地方……我的心拥抱……永远……” 纳迪娜用她刚刚变得沙哑的嗓子尖叫着。 接着传来一阵刺耳，可怕的格格笑声，沉闷，没有生气，仿佛要充满整个世界。 “好好干，纳迪娜，”那个声音说道。“好好干，我的心上人，我亲爱的。” 她上了路，调过头来朝博尔德以最快的速度奔驰去，将断断续续的声音和扩音器都抛在了后面……但却永远地记在了心里。 她在汽车站的拐角等着哈罗德。当他看到她时，他的脸呆住了，一下变得惨白。 “纳迪娜……”他轻声说。午餐盒从他手上掉了下去，吧嗒一声掉到地上。 “哈罗德，”她说，“他们知道。我们必须……” “你的头发，纳迪娜，噢我的天啊，你的头发……”他脸上似乎只剩下了眼睛。 “听我说！” 他努力控制住自己。“好吧，怎么了？” “他们去了你的家，发现了你的本子。他们把本子带走了。” 哈罗德的脸上的表情极其复杂：愤怒，恐惧，羞愧。接着它们一点一点地消失，像从深水中浮起来的可怕的死尸一样，一种僵硬的狞笑浮现在哈罗德的脸上。 “谁？是谁干的？” “我不全清楚，不过没关系。法兰妮·戈德史密斯是其中的一个，这我敢肯定。可能另外还有贝特曼或是安德伍德。我不知道。但他们会来找你，哈罗德。” “你是怎么知道的？”他粗暴地抓住她的肩膀，想起来她曾将账本放回到壁炉下面。他像晃布娃娃一样地摇着她，但纳迪娜一点都不怕地看着他。在这漫长的一天中，她已经经历了远比哈罗德·劳德更可怕的事情。“你这个婊子，你是怎么知道的？” “是他告诉我的。” 哈罗德的手放了下来。 “是弗拉格？”他轻声道。“是他告诉你的？他对你说的？他的话让你这样了？”哈罗德的狞笑极其恐怖，像马背上死神的狞笑。 "what are you saying?" 他们站在一家食杂店的旁边。哈罗德又一次抓住她的肩膀，让她转过身去面对玻璃。纳迪娜望着她的影子很久很久。 她的头发变白了。完全白了。没有留下一丝黑发。 噢我多么愿意爱纳迪娜啊。 “来吧，”她说，“我们必须离开城市。” "Now?" “天黑以后。现在我们要躲起来，带上路上用的露营具。” “向西吗？” “不。明晚以后才向西。” “也许我不想去任何地方。”哈罗德轻轻地说道。他还在看着她的头发。 她把他的手放到自己的头发上。“太晚了，哈罗德。”她说。