Chapter 55 Chapter 54

Excerpt from Minutes of the Standing Committee of the Free State August 19, 1990 The meeting was held at the apartment of Stu Redman and Franny Goldsmith and was attended by all members of the Free State Council. Stu Redman congratulated each of us, including himself, on being elected to the Standing Committee.He proposed drafting a letter of thanks to Harold Lauder, to be signed by everyone on the committee.The proposal was passed without objection. Stu: "Now that we're back to the old stuff, Glenn Bateman has a few things to say. I don't know what he's got to say as much as you do, but I doubt one of them will be related to the next public It's about the meeting, isn't it, Gran?"

Gran: "I'll wait until my turn." Stu: "It's your turn, no doubt about it. The big difference between an old alcoholic and an old, bald college professor is that the professor waits until his turn to talk, and then can keep talking in your ear." Gotta fall off the head." Grant: "Thank you for these words of wisdom, East Texas..." Franny said she could see that Stu and Glenn were beautiful now, but she wondered if they were getting back to business, since her favorite TV show started at nine.The comment elicited a burst of laughter, which may not actually be that funny.

The first real issue was that of sending scouts west.Briefly, the committee decided to send Judge Charles, Tom Curran and Dana Jürgens.Stu suggests that everyone who nominates them go and talk to them about the mission in person—that is, Larry Underwood has to ask the judge, Nick has to talk to Tom—Ralph Brentner Can help him—and Susan is going to talk to Dana. Nick thought it might take days to do Tom's job, so Stu said that raised the question of when exactly they'd be sent.Larry said they couldn't be dispatched at the same time, or they might get caught together.He went on to say that both the judge and Dana may suspect that more than one conspirator was dispatched, but because they don't know the exact names, they won't reveal them.Franny said that if you think about the methods that the man in the west may use against them, the word should not be used-of course if he is a human being. "

Glenn: "If I were you, Franny, I'd be less pessimistic. If you'd thought our adversary a little more intelligent, he'd know we wouldn't give us—Detective, I think Call them that—anything important that we think he'll be interested in. He'll know torture won't do any good." Franny: "You mean he might pat them on the head and tell them not to do it next time? I think he's just torturing them because torturing is one thing he likes to do. You don't mind that How to say?" Gran: "I don't think there's much I can say about that."

Stu: "It's been decided, Franny. We all agree that this is sending our men into dangerous situations, and we all know it's certainly not a fun decision to make." Grant suggested they stick to this schedule for the time being: Judge on August 26, Dana on the 27th, Tom on the 28th, each ignorant of the others and each leaving on a different route.He added that this arrangement also allowed for the time Tom needed to do his work. Nick: Regarding the time of return, Tom Curran should tell him after hypnosis, and tell the other two to decide the time to come back independently, but the weather may be an influencing factor-by the 1st of October During the week there may be heavy snowfall in the mountains.Nick proposed to advise each of them not to stay more than three weeks in the West.

Franny said that if the snow fell early in the mountains, they should be advised to go south. Larry disagreed. If they went all the way to Mexico, we might not see them again until next spring. In that case, Larry said, maybe we should give the judge a head start.He suggested that he should leave on August 21, which is the day after tomorrow. That concludes the conversation about scouts—or intrigues, if you will. Gran was then allowed to speak, according to the recording: Glenn: "I would like to propose another public meeting on August 25 where the few things I'm going to say will be covered.

The first thing I want to point out may surprise some of you.We have always thought that there were 600 in this part of the Free State, and Ralph has good and accurate records of their numbers for the large arrivals, and it is on these figures that we base our estimate of the population.But there are also many people who come in small groups, about 10 people a day.So this morning Leo Rockway and I went to the auditorium at Tsangqiao Pond Park and we counted the chairs in the hall and there were 607.Do you have any thoughts after hearing this number? " Susan Stern said it was impossible because so many people had no seats during the meeting and stood in the back or sat in the aisle.So we all understood what Gran meant, and I don't think it would be an exaggeration to say that the members of the committee were absolutely shocked.

Grant: "We couldn't have an exact estimate of how many people were standing in the back and sitting in the aisle, I remember the scene very well, so 100 people is a very conservative estimate. As you can see, the population here is actually well over 700. Based on this discovery by Leo and myself, one of the items on the agenda I propose for the General Assembly is to establish a census committee.” Ralph: "Damn me! It's my fault." Glenn: "No, it's not your fault. You've done your best, Ralph, and I think we all think you've been doing pretty well..."

Larry: "You're right, man." Glenn: "...but even if there are only four of us in a single day, that's like 30 in a week. I'm guessing maybe 12 or 14 in a day. You know, they're not going to find any of us One to announce his coming, and since Mama Abagil is gone, there's nowhere you can be sure they'll go when they come." Frannie Goldsmith then supported Grant's proposal to add a census commission to the August 25 convention's agenda, saying that the commission should keep a list of everyone in the Land of the Free . Larry: "I'm all for it if there's a really good reason to do it. But..."

Nick: "But what, Larry?" Larry: "Well, don't we have a lot of other things to worry about besides hanging around with a bunch of idle bureaucrats?" Franny: "I can give you a reason right now, Larry." Larry: "What is it?" Franny: "Well, if Gran is right, it means we need a bigger auditorium for the next convention. Because if we have 800 people coming by the 25th, we won't be able to They were all stuffed into the Qiaotang Auditorium." Ralph: "God, I never thought of that. I told you I'm not made for this." Stu: "Take it easy, Ralph, you've been doing a good job."

Susan: "So where are we having this damn meeting?" Glenn: "Wait, wait. One thing at a time. There's a goddamn proposition in my goddamn speech right now." The vote resulted in a 7-0 vote to place a census committee on the agenda for the next public meeting. Stu went on to propose: "The meeting on August 25 will be held in the Musinger Auditorium, where the capacity will be larger, perhaps more than 1,000 people." Gran then asked and was granted the floor again. Grant: "Before we go any further, I'd also like to point out that there's another good reason for a census committee, and it's a little bit more serious than knowing how many drinks and chips you should share. We Should know who's coming...but should also know who's gone. I know someone's gone. Maybe it's a bit paranoid to say that, but I swear there are some familiar faces around who won't be seen again. Anyway, at After Bridge Hall, Leo and I went to Charlie Impenning's house. Guess what happened? The house was empty and Charlie's stuff was taken." His words caused an uproar among the commissioners, and the profanity, though somewhat amusing, is not recorded in this record. Ralph went on to ask: What good would it do us even to know who's gone.And he said, if people like Impenning are willing to go over to the men in black then we should see that as a good example of a purge.Several committee members agreed, and allow me to add, while Ralph blushed like a schoolboy. Susan: "No, I understand what Grant means. This will keep giving away our information." Ralph: "Okay, so what are we going to do? Put 'em in jail?" Grant: "As hard as it sounds, I think we have to take this very seriously." Frannie: "It can't be. Sending spies... I can live with that. But lock people up whenever they don't like the way we do things? My God, Gran! It's almost like the secret police. " Grant: "Yeah, that's what it boils down to. But we're very dangerous here, and you've put me in a position where I'm all about oppression, and I don't think it's fair. I'm asking you, can you Can't we allow our intelligence to continue to leak at the behest of our opponents?" Franny: "But I still hate doing it. Joe MacArthur had communism to deal with in the 1950s. We're dealing with the men in black now. That's pretty cool." Gran: "Frannie, someone may leave here with an important piece of information, such as the news that Abagal's mother has left. Are you going to take such a risk?" Frannie: "Charlie Impenning can tell him that. What other vital information do we have, Gran? And most importantly, aren't we just wandering around without a clue?" Gran: "Do you want him to know about our strength in numbers? How far we've come in terms of technology? And the fact that we don't even have a doctor?" Franny says she'd rather do that than lock people up because they don't like what we do.Stu then suggested that we shelve the idea of ​​locking up dissenters.The proposal passed, with only Gran voting against it. Grant: "You're always going to have to fix this sooner or later, and it's probably going to be soon, so better give the idea some thought. It'd be bad enough for Charlie Impenning to run off to Flagg Yeah. You guys have to ask yourselves if there's some theoretical x-factor to add that Impenning didn't know. Well, never mind, you've already voted to put this aside. But there's still Another thing...we were not elected clearly enough, has anyone thought about that? We don't know if the term is 6 weeks, 6 months or 6 years. I would suggest a year...in Harold's words, That will get us started. I hope the next public meeting will have this year's issue on the agenda. This is the last item I mentioned.The assembly of the town to elect a government - which is important to us, since we represent the town ourselves - is fine for a while, until it grows to about 3,000 people.But at that scale, most of the people at the public meeting will be a bunch of ax grinders... Fluoridation is impoverishing people, and people need a flag, or something like that.My proposal is that we all think hard about how we can turn Boulder into a republic next late winter or early spring. " There was some informal discussion of Gran's final proposal, but no action was taken at this meeting. Nick was given permission to speak, and he gave Ralph something to read. Nick: "In preparation for tonight's meeting, I wrote this this morning for Ralph to read at the end of the meeting. Being a mute can be difficult sometimes, but I've made the point Every possible ramifications of this have been considered. I would like to add this item to the agenda of our next public meeting: 'Discussion of the creation of a Law and Regulations Department in the Free State, to be headed by Stu Redman. Responsible.'" Stu: "It's really hard to bring this up to me out of the blue, Nick." GRAN: "Very interesting. Back to what we were talking about. Let him finish, Stuart - you'll have a chance later." Nick: "The Headquarters of this Department of Laws and Regulations shall be in the Boulder County Courthouse. Stu shall have the right to personally appoint up to 30 persons, beyond 30 by a majority vote of the Free State Council, beyond 70 Voting is determined by a majority vote at a public meeting in the free state. This is what I want the bill to be discussed at the next public meeting. Of course we can also pass it when everyone is red-faced, but it will not help unless Stu thinks so too." Stu: "Exactly!" Nick: "We've got enough people now that we really need some laws. Without them, it's easy to mess up. That boy named Greene was chasing that speeding car up and down Pearl Street. One example. He ended up hitting it, luckily, nothing worse than a cut in his forehead. He could have killed himself or someone else. Saw him do that the other day People know now that it's nothing but mischief, like Tom said "hanging out" which means mischief. But no one thinks they can stop him, just because they don't have the power. It's a thing ...and then there's Richie Moffat. Maybe some of you know who Richie is, and if you don't, he's probably the only real alcoholic in the land of the free. When he's sober He was a nice guy when he was a kid, but he didn't even know what he was doing when he was drunk, and he was drunk too much. He was drunk again three or four days ago, and this Once he tried to smash every window in Arapach Street. I talked to him when he was a little sober - in my way of talking, of course, with a pen - and he was very ashamed .He pointed the way behind me and said, 'Look at that. Look at what I've done. There's broken glass all over the sidewalk! What if a kid gets hurt? It's all my fault.'" Ralph: "I don't feel sorry for him at all, not at all." Franny: "Come on, Ralph. Everyone knows alcoholism is a disease." Ralph: "Sick, go to hell. It's just too much soup, that's all." Stu: "You're digressing. Well, you two, shut up." Ralph: "I'm sorry, Stu. I'll just keep reading Nick's letter here." Franny: "I'll be quiet for at least two minutes, Mr. Chairman. I promise." Nick: "To make a long story short, I saw Richie do a big cleanup and pretty much cleaned up all the mess he made. Really good job. But he was on point when he asked why nobody stopped him. If in the past Well, a guy like Rich has no access to these hard liquors he wants; a guy like Rich can only go for wine. But it's unbelievable how much wine there is just waiting to be pulled off the shelves Take it down. Also, I really don't think Ritchie should have been able to get to the second window at all, but he smashed every window on the south side three blocks and was left alone. He finally stopped Came down because he was tired. Here's another example: In this case a man, I don't mention his name, found his woman, I don't mention her name, slept with a third person All afternoon. I think everyone knows who I'm talking about." Susan: "Yeah, I think we got it. A big, tough guy." Nick: "Anyway, the man in question beat up the third guy and then beat up the woman. I don't think it's up to any of us here to know who's right and who's wrong... ..." Gran: "You've got it wrong, Nick." Stu: "Let him finish, Gran." Grant: "I'll let him finish, but I have to reiterate at a point." Stu: "Okay. Go ahead, Ralph." Ralph: "Okay...it's almost over." Nick: "...Because what concerns us is the fact that this man has committed such a felony as assault on the person and yet is free. Of these three things, this man is the greatest threat to ordinary citizens. We It's a mixed society right now, a real hodgepodge, and there's going to be all kinds of conflict and friction. I don't think any of us want a barbaric society here in Boulder. Think about it, What if this guy got a . 45 pistol out of the pawn shop and killed them both instead of just beating them up. Then we've got a murderer on the loose .” Susan: "My God, Nick, what's that? A doomsday scenario?" Larry: "Yeah, it's ugly, but he's right. There's an old saying, I think it came out of the Navy, that goes like this: 'What could go wrong always does.'" Nick: "Stu is already our arbitrator, both in public and in private, which means people already see him as a man of authority. Personally, I think Stu is a good man. " Stu: "Thanks for the kind words, Nick. I don't think you've noticed that I'm wearing elevator shoes. Well, seriously - I accept the nomination, if you wish. I actually don't Do the goddamn job - From what I've seen in Texas, most of the cop's job is to wipe dirt off your shirt while a guy like Rich Moffat pukes on you , or get a fool like that boy Gringer off the street. What I would ask is that when we bring this up in public meeting, we give it a one-year term like our committee term. I want Make it clear that I will step down at the end of one year. If this is acceptable, I will agree." Grant: "I think I can say for all of us, let's do it. I want to thank Nick for making this motion, please put it on the record, I think it's a stroke of genius. I support it." Stu: "Okay, the proposal is accepted, do you have any comments?" Franny: "Yeah, I want to say a few more words. I have a question. What if someone knocks your head off?" Stu: "I don't think so..." Franny: "Yeah, you don't think so. You don't think it's going to happen. Well, what's Nick going to tell me if you're all wrong? Is it 'Oh, sorry, Franny? 'Is he going to say that?' Your man is in the county courthouse with a bullet hole in his head, I think we made a mistake?' I got a dead body, Madonna, and you want him Be Pat Great!" We discussed for another 10 minutes, most of which was irrelevant; and Frannie, your secretary of records, let herself have a good cry and controlled her emotions again.The vote to nominate Stu as Sheriff of the Free State was 6:1, and this time Franny will not change her opinion. Gran asked permission to speak, one last thing before we close. Grant: "Another half-baked idea, not a motion, not requiring a vote, but something we should think about carefully. Going back to Nick's third example on the question of laws and regulations. He Described the case and concluded that we don't have to care who is right and who is wrong. I think he is wrong. I believe Stu is the fairest man I have ever met. But 'If there is no court system, the law It's unjust to enforce'. It's just policing, it's fist rule. Now let's say this guy everyone knows pulls out a .45 and kills his woman and her lover. Then Suppose, Stu, as our sheriff, goes out and catches him and throws him in jail. Then what? How long can we keep him? Legally speaking, we can't keep him at all, at least according to our The constitution that was accepted at the meeting last night to be obeyed is so, because according to it, a man is innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Now, the truth is, we all know that he is locked up. Because of his We don't feel safe walking down the street! So we do it even though we know it's unconstitutional. This is because when safety and constitutional go head-to-head, safety must win. But we should make safety as soon as possible Consistent with constitutionality. We need a trial system." Franny: "It's interesting and I agree it's something we should be thinking about, but now I want to suggest that we adjourn because it's late and I'm very tired." Ralph: "Guys, I'm in favor of the proposal. Let's talk about the courts next time. My head is getting so much stuffed it's getting bigger and bigger. The task of reshaping the country is comparable to a It was much more difficult than I thought at first.” Larry: "Amen." Stu: "Here's a proposal for an adjournment to be discussed. Do you agree with it, fellas?" The proposal to adjourn the session passed by a 7-0 vote. Frannie Goldsmith, Secretary "Why did you stop?" Seeing that Stu had stopped the car and stood on the ground, Frannie asked. "One more block." Her eyes were still red from crying at the meeting, and Stu didn't think he'd ever seen her look so tired. "This sheriff thing..." he began. "Stu, I don't want to talk about it." "Someone has to do it, my dear. Nick is right, it's logical to pick me." "Fuck the logic of it. What about me and the kids? Don't you see logic in us, Stu?" "I should know what you want for your child," he said softly. "Haven't you told me many times? You want him to be born in a less crazy world. You want him or her to be safe. I hope so too. I won't say that in front of other people. It's a secret between us. I say yes because you and the baby are the two main reasons." "I know." She said in a low, slightly choked voice. He cupped her chin with his fingers, turning her face up.He smiled at her, and she tried to smile back.It was a forced smile, and tears were streaming down his cheeks, but it was better than no smile at all. "Everything will be fine," he said. She shook her head slowly, and a few tears fell on the warm summer night. "I don't think so," she said, "No, I really don't think so." She lay awake for a long time at night, thinking that warmth can only come from burning—this is why Prometheus endured the pain of a giant eagle pecking at his eyes—it seems that love always comes with blood . Then she felt a strange sense of certainty, numbing her like an anesthetic spreading over her body, that they would end up bathed in blood.The thought made her put her hand over her stomach and find herself thinking of her dream for the first time in weeks: the man in black and his sneer...and his twisted hanger. While leading a select team of volunteers in his spare time to search for Abagil's mother, Harold Lauder, who was also a member of the funeral committee, spent the entire day of August 21 with five other people Spent together in the boot of a garbage truck, they each wore boots, protective clothing, and a pair of thick rubber gloves. The head of the funeral committee, Chad Norris, remained with an almost forbidding composure in what he called Cemetery No. 1.The place, 10 miles southwest of Boulder, used to be a coal mine.Even under the scorching sun of August, it was as cold and desolate as the craters on the moon.Chad accepted the position reluctantly because he had worked as an undertaker's assistant in Morristown, New Jersey. "This is not a funeral," he said this morning at the Greyhot bus terminal between Arapach and Walnut, the funeral commission's base of operations.Lighting a cigarette with a match, he smiled at the 20 people sitting around him and said, "That is to say, it's a digging job, but it's not funeral digging, if you know what I mean." if." Several people smiled, Harold being the one who laughed the most.His stomach growled from time to time because he didn't dare to eat breakfast.Given the nature of the work to be done, he cannot guarantee that what he eats will survive in his stomach.He could just go and find Mama Abagil with all his heart and no one would say no, although for every thinking person in the place (is there any brains besides him in the land of the free) I'm afraid that's a problem), and it's obvious that going to her with 15 people is just a fun and refreshing activity, because there are thousands of square miles of empty forests and plains around Boulder.And, of course, she might not have left Boulder at all, but it never occurred to any of them (Harold wasn't surprised at all by that).She could settle in a house anywhere outside the town center, and unless they searched door to door they would never find her.When Harold proposed that the search committee be a weekend and evening part-time job only, Redman and Andros did not raise a word of objection, which let Harold know that they, too, had Adopted as final decision. He could insist on doing just that, but who is the most beloved person in each community?Who is most trusted?Why, of course it's the guy who does the dirty work, and does it with a smile on his face.He does things that others can't do at all, that's the kind of person. "It's like burying a pile of logs," Chad told them. "If you can get that in your head, you'll be fine. Some people might throw up at first. It's nothing to be ashamed of, just find Just a place where you don't let everyone watch you puke. After you've puked, it's easier to think: wood, nothing else, just wood." Everyone looked at each other anxiously. Chad divided them into three teams of six.He took the two extra people out to prepare places for the sent people, and set aside a working place in the town for each group.Harold's truck had been criss-crossing the Taber Mesa area all day, slowly heading west from the turnpike on the Denver-Boulder Highway.Go up Martin Highway to Broadway intersection, down 39th Street and back on 40th Street.The houses in the vast countryside along the way are about 30 years old, dating back to Boulder's booming population, and they are all houses with one floor above ground and one floor below ground. Chad got a gas mask from the local National Guard armory, but it wasn't until after lunch (lunch? What lunch? Harold's lunch consisted of a can of strawberry apple pie; that was the only thing he could manage to eat. stuff), the masks came in handy when they came to the Church of Holy Doomsday at the end of the Tiber Mesa Highway.Those people came here, filled the place with the plague virus, and then all died here, a total of more than 70 people, making the place stink. "Wood," said one of Harold's companions in a loud, self-sufficient laughing voice, and Harold turned and staggered past him.He turned the corner of the handsome brick building that had been used to vote in past elections, and he ate all the strawberry apple pie that came back from his stomach, and he realized that Norris was right: He really felt better after throwing up. They spent most of the afternoon making two round trips to clear the church.It was almost a joke, Harold thought, to have twenty men clean up all of Boulder's bodies.A good portion of Boulder's original population had run away like rabbits because of the dire rumors about the Atmospheric Monitoring Center, but there were still... increase, but it is only possible to bury most of the bodies before the first snowfall (not that he intends to stay until then), and most people will never know that another outbreak What is the danger of a new infectious disease - from which they will not be spared. The Free State Council has some brilliant ideas, he thought scornfully.Their committee will be fine... as long as, of course, dear old Harold Lauder comes to tie their shoes.Dear old Harold was good enough doing it for them, but not good enough to get on their damned standing committee.God, it's not that good.He's never been that good, not even good enough to get a date at Ogunquit's senior prom, even if it's just with a little bitch.God, no, she wasn't dating Harold.Let's think about it, guys, when we get to the famous place where the bear-like animal empties its bowels in the buckwheat field, it's completely inexplicable, illogical, even in the most general terms It's all impossible.When we got there, it ended up being a hateful beauty contest. Well, someone still remembers.Someone is still keeping the account, the account of deceit.This man's name is—Would you like a few drum beats, musician? —Harold Amy Lauder. So he was back in the church, wiping his mouth, putting on the best smile he could, and nodding that he was ready to get back to work.Someone patted him on the back, and Harold laughed even harder, thinking: Someday I'm going to cut off your hand for this, pile of shit. They made their last trip at 4:15 p.m., the back of the garbage truck filled with the last corpses from the Doomsday Church.In town, trucks had to zigzag in and out of stranded traffic, but on Colorado 119, three tow trucks were out all day pulling broken-down cars away , and threw them all in the ditch on both sides of the road.They lay there like toys that a big child has overturned. In the cemetery, two other orange trucks were already parked.People were standing around, their gloves off, showing pale fingers with dark purple fingertips from sweaty hands that had been wrapped in rubber gloves all day.They smoked and chatted casually.Most people look pale. Norris and his two assistants have now turned the job into a skill.They shook out a large sheet of plastic and spread it over the rocky ground.The driver of Harold's car, Norman Kroger of Louisiana, reversed the car over the edge of the plastic sheeting.The tailgate of the car came down with a thud, and the first body fell to the plastic sheeting like a partially stiffened rag doll.Harold wanted to turn away, but was afraid it would be seen as cowardice.He wasn't too afraid to see them fall, it was just the sound that was too much for him.What was unbearable was the sound they made as they hit their shrouds. The engine of the garbage truck muffled, and there was a whine of hydraulics as the bed began to rise.Now the corpses in the car were falling outwards, like a weird rain of people.At that moment Harold felt a pang of sadness, a feeling so deep that it produced a pang of pain. "Wood," he thought to himself, "he's right. That's all that's left, just... wood." "Okay!" Chad Norris yelled, and Kroger pulled the car forward and turned off the ignition.Chad and his helpers took the rake up the plastic sheeting, and now Harold had turned at last, pretending to see if it was going to rain, and he wasn't the only one doing it—but he heard到了一种声音，这声音以后就常在他的梦境中出现了，这声音是一些零钱从那些死去的男人和女人的衣袋里滚落时发出的，因为查德和他的助手们正用耙子把一具具尸体摆平。这硬币落在塑料布上的声音竟荒谬地令哈罗德想起了那种投筹码入杯的游戏。一股带着些令人作呕的甜味的腐尸的臭气弥漫在温暖的空气中。 等他回过头来的时候，那三个人已经将塑料裹尸布的四边都折了起来，由于用劲而发出了哼哼声，胳膊上的肌肉都鼓了起来。其他的几个人，哈罗德也在其中，也都加入进去干了起来。查德·诺里斯拿出一把大型的工业用装钉枪。20分钟之后，这部分工作就完成了，那个塑料包躺在地上像个巨大的胶囊似的。诺里斯爬进一辆明黄色推土机的驾驶楼发动了引擎。那把瘢痕累累的大铲子砰地一声放了下来。推土机轰隆隆地向前开起来。 一个叫魏查克的人，也是哈罗德车上的，脚步踉跄得像个没控制好的木偶似的转身走开了。他手指间还神经质地拈着一根烟。“伙计，我看不了这个了，”在走过哈罗德身边时他说，“这可真是好笑，我直到今天才知道原来我也是个犹太人。” 推土机推着那个大塑料包滚落在地上挖的一个长方形的长坑里。查德将推土机倒了回去，熄了火，爬了下来。他招手把大家聚在一起，自己向一辆公共工程车走去，抬起一支穿着皮靴的脚蹬在了车的踏脚板上。 “没法像在球场上那样喝彩，”他说，“但你们干得真他妈不错。我估摸着，咱们今天料理了有将近1000件儿呢。” “件儿。”哈罗德心想。 “我知道这种活儿够让人受的。委员会答应咱们在下个星期前再给加两个人，但我知道这也没法改变你们的感受——就像没法改变我对这事的感受一样。我要说的就是，要是你们已经受够了，觉得没法再干上一天了，那也用不着以后在街上躲着我走。但要是你们觉得没法干了，最他妈要紧的就是明天得找个人来替你。就我所知，这是这地方最重要的工作了。现在还不算太糟，但要是下个月快到雨季的时候我们在博尔德还有两万具尸首没收的话，人们可就要得病了。要是你们觉得还能行的话，明天早上咱们就在汽车站见。” “我会去的。”有个人说。 “我也去，”诺曼·克罗格说，“但今晚上得洗6个小时的澡才行。”有人笑了起来。 “也算我一个。”魏查克插口说。 “我也是。”哈罗德静静地说。 “这是个脏活儿，”诺里斯用低低的、激动的声音说道，“你们是好人。我怀疑其他那些人知道不知道你们有多好。” 哈罗德感觉到一种亲近感，一种同事的友情，他与这种感觉抗争着，突然感到一阵害怕。计划里可没这个。 “明天见，老鹰。”魏查克说，还捏了捏他的肩膀。 哈罗德的笑容是惊愕和反感的。老鹰？这是什么玩笑？当然是恶意的。是可鄙的挖苦。叫肥胖的、满脸粉刺的哈罗德·劳德老鹰。他感觉到过去那种阴郁的恨意又升了起来，但这次是冲着魏查克的，但在内心一阵突然的混乱之后又平息了下来。他现在不胖了。可能连小胖子也算不上了。脸上的粉刺在此前的七个星期中也全消下去了。魏查克不知道他曾经是学校里的笑柄。魏查克不知道哈罗德的父亲曾经问过他是不是个同性恋。魏查克不知道哈罗德曾是他人见人爱的姐姐所要忍受的苦恼。要是他知道的话，魏查克可能也不会给他这个狗屁昵称了。 哈罗德爬上了一辆卡车的车厢，他的脑子里毫无办法地乱成了一团。突然之间往日那些怨恨，往日那些伤害，那些未偿付的欠债都像堵满了全美国每个现金出纳机的纸币一样变得毫无价值了。 那会是真的吗？那有可能是真的吗？他感到惊恐、孤独和慌乱。不，他最后终于想定了。那不会是真的。因为这要视情况而定。要是你的意志足够坚定，能抵受得住别人的轻视，如果他们认为你是一个奇怪的人，或是烦人的人，或者只是一堆狗屎的话，那你的意志就需要足够的坚强去抵受…… 抵受什么呢？ 他们对你的好感吗？ 这种逻辑难道不是……嗯，这种逻辑简直是精神失常了，是不是？ 过去听过的一句话在他混乱不堪的脑子里浮了出来，那是一个将军在二战的时候为扣留美籍日本人的行为作辩护时说的。有人向这位将军指出，在中立的日本人最集中的西海岸地区并没有破坏事件发生。这位将军回答说：“没有发生破坏事件这个事实才正是个恶兆呢。” 他就是这样的吗？ Yes or no? 他们的车驶进了汽车站的停车场。哈罗德从侧面跳了下去，忽然意识到自己的协调性已经有了100％的提高，不是因为他减肥了就是因为他差不多时常都做的锻炼，或者两者兼而有之。 那个念头又从心底窜了起来，非常顽固，绝不愿被埋在内心深处：“我会成为这个社区最有用的人的。” 但是他们排挤了他。 “那不要紧。这扇门在我面前被砰然关上了，但我有头脑去撬开那把锁。而且我也相信，一旦锁被打开了，我也有足够的勇气推开这道门。” 但是…… stop!stop!你可能会被套上手铐和脚镣，上面刻满了那一个词。but!but!but!你能停下来吗，哈罗德？看在基督的份上你能从那匹该死的高头大马上再下来吗？ “嘿，伙计，你还好吗？” 哈罗德惊得跳了起来。是诺里斯，正从调度室走出来，那里已经成了他的地盘了。他看起来很累。 “我吗？很好。只是在想点儿事。” “嗯，你一直干得不错。就好像每次你那么干的时候，都是为了在这个节骨眼儿上大获其利似的。” 哈罗德摇了摇头说：“不是这样。” “不是吗？”查德也没再多说什么，“我能把你送到什么地方？” “不用了，我有摩托车。” “你知道吗，老鹰？我想这些人里大部分明天是真的会来的。” “是的，我也一样。”哈罗德走到自己的摩托车前，骑了上去。他发现自己倒是挺欣赏这个新外号，这可与他的意志正相反。 诺里斯摇了摇头：“我可从不敢相信会这样。我原来想一旦他们真的看见这活儿是怎么样的，就会想起100件其他的事情非做不可了。” “我告诉你我怎么想，”哈罗德说，“我认为给自己做件脏活儿比给别人做要容易些，对这些家伙里的好多人来说，这是他们一生中头一次真正给自己干活。” “是，我想这话可能有道理吧。明天见，老鹰。” “8点，”哈罗德又敲定了一下时间，然后骑车离开阿拉帕赫朝百老汇街开去。在他右边有一小队大半由妇女组成的人正带着一辆抢险车和一架起重机在一辆弯转了的大型拖车旁边忙活，要把它弄平，他们堵住了路的一部分。旁边还聚集了一些人在看热闹。这个地方是新建的，哈罗德心想，那些人里我连一半也不认识。 他继续向家里骑去，脑子里被一些本以为早就解决了的问题烦恼着，饱受煎熬。到家的时候，看见门口停着一辆小型的白色摩托车。还有一个女人坐在他门前的台阶上。 当哈罗德走近前来的时候她站了起来，伸出了自己的手。她是哈罗德所见过的最迷人的女人中的一个——当然他原来是见过她的，只是没有这么近。 “我是纳迪娜·克罗斯。”她说。她的声音很低，低得近乎沙哑。她握他的手时坚定而冷静。哈罗德的眼光不知不觉地在她身上停留了一会儿，他知道这是惹姑娘们讨厌的一个习惯，但自己却似乎无力去改变。这个女人对此却似乎并不在意。她穿着一条轻便的斜纹布棉便裤，裤子紧贴在她细长的两腿上，上身是一件无袖的淡蓝色丝质衬衫，里面也没戴胸罩。她年纪有多大了？30？35？也可能还年轻些。她显得有些早熟。 “浑身就那样？”他脑子里那永远猥亵的（表面上也是永远纯洁的）一部分问着自己，心跳得有些快了起来。 “哈罗德·劳德，”他微笑着说，“你是跟拉里·安德伍德他们一起来的，是不是？” "yes." “是跟在斯图、法兰妮和我后面来到这里的，我知道。拉里上星期来过我这儿，给我带来葡萄酒和一些糖。”他的话听起来空洞而虚伪，然后他突然明白了她是知道他正在琢磨她，正在脑子里把她脱得赤条条的。他有种想舔嘴唇的冲动，但硬生生地克制住了自己……至少是暂时地克制住了。“他是个相当不错的人。” “拉里吗？”她笑了笑，用一种奇怪的，还不知怎么有些神秘的声音说道：“是啊，拉里是个王子。” 他们对视了一会儿，哈罗德还从来没有被一个女人用如此率直的、探究式的眼光看过。他又感觉到一阵兴奋的刺激，小腹处有一股暖暖的神经性的悸动。 “好吧，”他说：“那么今天下午我能为您做点什么呢，克罗斯小姐？” “作为开头，你可以叫我纳迪娜。你还可以邀请我共进晚餐。那样的话我们的交往就能更深入一步了。” 那种神经性的兴奋感开始扩展开来了。“纳迪娜，你愿意留下来吃晚餐吗？” “非常愿意。”她说道，微笑起来。当她用手挽住他的臂膀时，他感到宛如受了轻微电击一般地一阵颤抖。她一直望着他的的眼睛始终没有离开过。 "thanks." 他笨手笨脚地把钥匙插进了锁孔里，心想：现在她该问我为什么要锁门了，我就会支支吾吾地东拉西扯，像个傻瓜一样。 但纳迪娜根本没有问。 他没做晚饭，是她做的。 哈罗德一向认为，用罐头食品怎么也不可能做出像样的饭来，但纳迪娜却做得相当好。他突然惊骇地想起了他这一天干的是什么活儿，于是问她能否等上20分钟（他拼命提醒自己，她之所以到这儿来可能是为了什么很现实的事情的）让他清洗一下。 他回来的时候——他挥霍了两大桶水洗了个澡——她正在厨房里忙活着。烧开了的水在煤气灶上欢快地响着。他进来的时候，她正把半杯通心粉倒进锅里。在另一个火上，有什么已经熟了的东西在锅里慢慢地炖着；他闻到了一种法国洋葱汤、红葡萄酒和蘑菇的混合在一起的香味。他的肚子咕咕地叫了起来。这一天可怕的工作对他胃口的影响力忽然一下子消失了。 “闻起来妙极了，”他说，“你真不该这么做，不过我这可不是在抱怨。” “这道菜叫三鲜砂锅，”她说，回过头来对他微笑着，“但恐怕这只能算是代用品了。他们在大饭店里做这道菜时可不用罐头牛肉作配料的，不过——”她耸了耸肩，表示现在实在是条件有限。 “你真好，做了这个。” “这没什么的。”她又探究式地瞥了他一眼，然后半转过身来对着他，那件丝质衬衫在她左胸处绷得紧紧的，将那里的曲线美妙地勾勒了出来。他感到一阵燥热一直升到了脖子，强制着自己不要勃起。但他怀疑自己的意志力是否能做到这一点。实际上，他甚至怀疑自己的意志力离此实在相差太远了。“我们会成为很好的朋友的”，她说。 “我们……是吗？” “是的。”她又转过身面向着炉灶，似乎这个话题就到此为止了，剩下哈罗德还在琢磨着种种的可能性。 那之后，他们的话题就只限于一些生活琐事了……大部分是自由之邦的各种小道消息。关于这些，是不愁没的说的。有一次，在他们正吃饭的时候，他又一次试图问她为什么而来，但她只是笑着摇了摇头说：“我爱看一个男人的吃相。” 哈罗德一开始还以为她说的是别的什么人，然后才意识到她指的是自己。于是他接着大吃起来，他一连吃了三碗三鲜砂锅，而且觉得虽然用的是牛肉罐头，但却并未因此而使得它的美味稍有减损。谈话似乎是不知不觉地在进行着，可以让他自由自在地去安抚肚子里那只饥饿的狮子，而且尽情地打量她。 夺目，他是这么想的吗？she is pretty.是一种成熟的美。她的头发，为了烹饪的方便只是很随意地在脑后扎了一个马尾辫，曲曲弯弯地点缀着缕缕的纯白色，而不是他一开始以为的灰色。她的眼睛深邃而沉静，当它们径直地凝注着他时，哈罗德就有一阵眩晕感。她的声音低沉而自信。那声音开始打动他了，既令他感到不安又让他有一种几乎是痛苦的快感。 吃完了饭，他正要站起身来，却被她阻止住了。“要咖啡还是茶？” “真的，我能……” “你能，但是你不会。要咖啡、茶……还是我？”她又微笑了，这不是当一个人挑起了一次有点淫猥的谈话后（“危险的话题”，他亲爱的老妈妈会这么说的，嘴角上还会弯出一道不满的线条来）会有的那种微笑，而是一种低低的浅笑，丰厚得像一块糖腻腻的甜点顶上的那一块奶酪似的。又一次她露出了那种探究式的眼神。 哈罗德的脑子里急速地转着念头，以一种极愚蠢的漫不经心的口气答道：“后两样吧。”同时以极大的毅力才忍住没像个毛头小子一样格格地傻笑起来。 “好吧，我们就先来两杯茶吧。”纳迪娜说着，向炉子走去。 她刚一转过身，热热的血一下子冲进了哈罗德的脑袋，毫无疑问地把他的脸变成了像萝卜一样的紫色。“你可真是一个文雅的先生！”他痛责着自己，“你就像个该死的傻子一样曲解了一句完全无邪的话，你可能会毁了一次绝好的机会的。你活该如此！你这该死的活该如此！” 等到她端着热气腾腾的茶杯回到桌旁的时候，哈罗德脸上的红潮不知怎么已经退了下去，他又克制住了自己的情绪。轻率突然之间就变成了绝望，他觉得（这并不是第一次）他的身体和思绪都被不由分说地塞进了一辆巨大的纯情感的摇滚过山车。他讨厌它，但却无力下来。 要是她真的对我感兴趣的话，他心想（同时又黯然地对自己加了一句，上帝知道她为什么会对我有兴趣），毫无疑问我要为此付出的代价就是得将自己二年级学生般的智力展露无遗了。 好吧，他原来也这么做过，他想他可以安慰自己说这只是再做一遍而已。 她从茶杯的口上望着他，还是那种令人不知所措的率直的眼神，同时又笑了笑，于是他好不容易积蓄起来的那一点沉着登时化为乌有了。 “我能帮你点儿什么吗？”他问。他的声音听起来像是从一个破旧的录音机发出来似的，但他非得说点什么不可，因为她来这儿肯定是有着什么目的的。在内心一片混乱中，他发现自己的唇边也颤微微地挂了一个保护性的微笑。 “是的，”她说，然后果断地将茶杯放在了桌子上。“是的，你能。也许咱们能互相帮助。能到起居室去吗？” “当然。”他的手在颤抖着：当他把茶杯放在桌上站起身来的时候，一些茶洒了出来。当他跟着她间起居室走去时，他注意到她的便裤（那其实根本不算太随便，他脑子里唠叨着）贴在屁股上的线条是多么的顺畅。常常是内裤的线条破坏了大多数妇女裤子的顺畅感的，这是他在什么地方读到的，可能是从他放在卧室壁橱里鞋盒子后面的那些杂志中的一本上吧，那杂志上还说，要是一个女人真想有那种顺畅完美的观感的话，她就得戴个背带或者是根本就不穿内裤。 他在喉咙里咽了一口——至少是试图这么做，就好像他嗓子里有什么大东西堵在那里似的。 起居室里很暗，只靠垂着的窗帘外透进来的光线照明。现在已过了6点半，外面已将近黄昏了。哈罗德向其中一扇窗户走去，想拉起窗帘让屋里亮一些，而这时她用手拉住了他的胳膊。他向她转过身来，嘴里一阵发干。 “不。我喜欢它们垂着。这使我们不受干扰。” “不受干扰。”他嘶哑着嗓子说。他的声音就像一只老得不行了的鹦鹉似的。 “所以我能这么做。”她说着，轻轻投入了他的怀抱。 她的身体毫不躲闪地全部压在他身上，在他的生活里这是头一次发生这种事，他的惊奇简直无以复加。透过他的白色棉衬衫和她的丝质蓝衬衫，他能够清楚地感觉到她每一只乳房压在自己身上的那种温软。她的小腹结实又柔软，紧贴着他的，并不因感到他的勃起而羞涩避开。她身上有股甜甜的气味，可能是香水，但也可能就是她自身的香味，就像一个正被泄露的秘密突然之间在听者面前展示开来。他摸到了她的头发，于是把手插了进去。 最后他们停止了接吻，但她并没有把身子移开。她的身体仍像一团柔软的火一样紧贴着他的。她比他矮大约有3英寸，她仰着脸望着他。他隐隐约约地觉得，这是他生活中一个最可笑的讽刺了：当爱情——或是它合理的仿制品——最后终于找到他时，他却已偷偷溜进了一本妇女杂志的爱情故事里。而这种故事的作者，他在一封写给《红书》的未答复的信里曾断言道，是赞成实行优生学的为数不多的几个有力因素中的一个。 但现在她仰脸看着他，她潮湿的嘴唇半张着，她的眼睛明亮而且几乎是……几乎是……是的，几乎是星光灿烂着。唯一一处与《红书》中对生活的视点不同的细节就是他的严肃，这可真令人惊讶。 “现在，”她说，“到床上去吧。” 他们到了那儿，然后在那儿拥搂着翻滚在一起，她的头发松了下来散落在肩头，似乎到处都充满了她的香水味。他的手按在她双乳上，她并不介意，事实上她还扭动着身体让他的手能更自由地行动。他并没抚爱她，受他疯狂需求的驱使他所做的是在劫掠她。 “你是个处男。”纳迪娜说道。这并不是个问题……而且不用撒谎更容易些。He nodded. “那么咱们先做这个吧。下一次再慢些。这样好些。” 她解开他仔裤上的纽扣，于是拉链一直开到了底端。她用食指轻轻在他肚脐下面划着。哈罗德的肌肉随着她的触摸颤抖、悸动着。 “纳迪娜——” “嘘！”她的脸被垂下的长发遮住了，看不到她脸上的表情。 他的裤腰被拉了下来，那荒谬的东西，在裹着它的白棉布的衬托下显得更为荒谬了（感谢上帝他洗完澡换了衣服），就像盒子里的杰克一样冒了出来。那东西却并未意识到它自己模样的滑稽，因为它的任务是极为严肃的。处男处女的任务总是极为严肃的——不是快乐而是经历。 “我的衬衫……” “我能不能……” “当然，这正是我要的。然后我会看顾你的。” “看顾你”。这句话在他的脑海中回响着，就像石头投在井中一样，然后他就贪婪地吸吮着她的双乳，品尝着她的咸与甜。 她吸了一口气说：“哈罗德，这妙极了。” “看顾你”，这句话在他脑海中叮叮当当、乒乒乓乓地响着。 她的手伸进他内裤的腰带处，他的裤子在一串钥匙毫无意义的叮当作响声中滑到了脚踝处。 “抬起来吧，”她对他耳语道，他照做了。 整个过程只用了不到一分钟的时间。在达到高潮时他使尽力气高声叫起来，没法控制自己。就像什么人触动了通向他皮肤下面整个神经网的导火索一样，现在他能理解为什么那么多作家把高潮与死联系在一起了。 然后他在黑暗中躺了回去，头抵着沙发，胸口上下起伏着，嘴大张着。他不敢向下看。他觉得精液一定已经溅得到处都是了。 “伙计们，咱们发现了油矿！” 他面带羞愧地看着她，为自己刚才的行为感到很不安。但她只是冲他微笑着，那双眼睛是那么镇静、深沉，好像什么都知道，那是一双维多利亚时代绘画中一个小女孩的眼睛。那是一个懂得太多的小女孩，可能对她父亲都太过了解了。 “对不起。”他喃喃地说。 “怎么了？为了什么呢？”她的眼光始终没离开他的脸。 “你没从那个里面得到什么。” “胡说，我得到了很大满足。”但他认为自己并不完全是那个意思。但他还没来得及细想，她又接着说：“你很年轻。你想要多少次都可以的。” 他看着她没有说话，也说不出话。 “但你必须知道一件事。”她把一支手轻轻地放在了他身上。“你告诉我作为处男是怎么样的？好吧，我也是个处女。” “你……”他惊讶的表情一定很是滑稽，因为她仰头大笑起来。 “在你的哲学里没有处女这个概念吗，哈罗德？” “不是……是的……但……” “我是一个处女。而且我要保持这样。因为要留待另一个人来……来使我不再是处女。” "Who?" “你知道是谁。” 他盯着她，突然感到浑身一阵发寒。她镇静地回望着他。 "he?" 她半转过身，点了点头。 “但我可以让你看很多事，”她说，仍然不看他。“我们可能做很多事。那些你甚至从没有……的事。不，我收回这话。可能你梦到过它们，但你从没梦到过你能做到的。我们可以玩儿。我们可以陶醉于其中。我们可以沉溺于其中。我们可以……”她的声音消失了，然后开始看着他了，那目光是那样的诡秘和充满诱惑，他觉得自己又开始冲动起来。“我们可以做任何事——每件事——除了那小小的一件事。而那件小事实际上并不是那么重要的，是不是？” 想象出的各种东西在他的脑海里令人头晕眼花地回旋着。丝围巾……靴子……皮革……橡胶。噢，天啊。只是个小学生的白日梦。是一种怪异的，与性有关的纸牌游戏。但这只是一种梦而已，是不是？是由白日梦引起的白日梦，是噩梦的产物。他那些东西都想要，也想要她，但也想要更多的。 问题是，要多少他才满意呢？ “你可以把一切都告诉我，”她说，“我会成为你的妈妈，或者你的姐妹，或者你的娼妓，或者你的奴隶。你所要做的只是告诉我，哈罗德。” 那是怎样地在他脑海里回响啊！那是怎样地令他陶醉啊！ 他张开嘴，但发出的声音却像一口破钟的报时声一样难听。“但要付代价的。对不对？要付代价。因为没有什么是免费的。甚至现在，当一切就摆在周围，等着你去拿的时候也一样。” “你想要的就是我想要的，”她说。“我知道你心里在想什么。” "Nobody knows." “你的心事都在账本里写着呢。我能够在那儿看它——我知道它在哪儿——但我没必要这么做。” 他吃了一惊，然后带着一种狂乱的负罪感看着她。 “它原来是在那儿的那块松下来的石头下面，”她指着壁炉说，“但你把它挪走了。现在它是在阁楼的隔离板后面。” “你是怎么知道的？你是怎么知道的？” “因为是他告诉我的。他……可以说是他给我写了封信。更重要的是，他告诉了我你的事，哈罗德。告诉了我那个牛仔怎么抢走了你的女人，还把你拒之于自由之邦委员会之外。他想让我们在一起，哈罗德。他是慷慨的。从现在起到我们离开这儿为止，就是你和我的假期了。 她触摸着他，微笑着。 “从现在起到那时候止都是享乐的时间，你明白吗？” "I……" “不，”她回答道，“你不明白，现在还不明白。但你会明白的，哈罗德，你会的。” 他忽然极愚蠢地想告诉她叫他“老鹰”。 “那么以后呢，纳迪娜？以后他想要怎么样呢？” “就是你想要的，以及我想要的。就是在你第一天出去找那老妇人的晚上你差一点对雷德曼所做的事……但规模要大得多。当那完成之后，我们可以去找他，哈罗德。我们可以和他在一起。我们可以留在他身边。”她的眼睛在一种憧憬的狂喜中半开半闭着。可能这有些矛盾，事实是她爱着另一个却要把自己给他——也可能真心喜欢这样——这把他的欲望又激了起来，热烈而迫切。 “要是我说不呢？”他感觉嘴唇发冷，此时一定是苍白的。 她耸了耸肩，这个动作让她的双乳美妙地颤动起来。“生活还会继续的，难道不是吗，哈罗德？我会想些办法去做我必须做的事。你也会一切如常。早晚你会找到一个愿意为你做那件……小事的姑娘。但过了一阵以后你就会觉得那件小事是很无聊的。非常无聊。” “你怎么知道？”他问道，冲她不怀好意地笑着。 “我知道是因为性就是微缩的生活，而生活就是无聊的——时间都花在一个个的不同的预备室里了。你可能会在这儿得到一点小荣誉，但到哪儿是个头呢？总的来说将是一个无聊的、步步走下坡路的生活，你会一直记着我衬衫脱掉的样子，你还会一直琢磨着我把一切都脱光后看起来会是什么样。你还会琢磨着要是听到我对你说脏话会是什么样……或者让我将蜜洒满你的……身体……然后再舔下来……你还会琢磨着……” “别说了，”他说。他浑身都发着抖。 但是她还是要说。 “我想你还会想着他那边的世界会是什么样的，”她说，“也许这比其他任何想法都更强烈吧。” "I……" “决定吧，哈罗德。是让我把衬衫穿回去呢还是把其他的也都脱下来？” 他想了有多长时间？he does not know.那之后，他甚至不能肯定自己曾为这问题在心里斗争过。但是当他说话的时候，那些话在他嘴里有种死亡的味道：“在卧室里，咱们到卧室里去吧。” 她冲他微笑着，那是一种带着成功的喜悦与诱惑的许诺的微笑，这微笑使他战栗，而他自己的渴望却也响应着它。 她拉住了他的手。 于是哈罗德·劳德屈从了他的命运。