Chapter 21 Chapter 20

The Harborside Hotel is the oldest hotel in Ogunquit.Business is not very good, because a new speedboat club has been built on the other side.But this afternoon, the sky is thunderstorm, the scenery is much better. Franny had been sitting by the window for about three hours, writing a letter to her middle school friend, Grace Dagan.Grace is going to find Smith.The letter was not about her pregnancy, nor about her mother, which was useless and would only upset her more.She guessed that Grace herself would be hearing a lot of gossip in town before long.She just wanted to write a friendly letter.Jesse and I went on a bike trip to Rangely in May with Sam Lothrop and Sally Wenscheras.I narrowly passed my final biology exam.Peggy Tate (another middle school friend) has a new job in the Senate.Amy Lauder is getting married.

This letter is almost impossible to write.Today lightning and thunder are partly the reason - how can a letter be written when a dense thunderstorm comes and goes over the water?To put it more succinctly, none of the messages in the letter seem to be accurate and reliable.This writing is a little bit off, like a knife in your hand, you want to use it to peel potatoes, but it doesn't peel potatoes, but peels yours.Cycling was fun, but she and Jessie would never have it again.She did pass the biology final, but she wasn't very lucky with the biology final that really counted.She and Grace had never paid much attention to Peggy Tate, and Amy's impending wedding seemed more like a farce than a comedy in Franny's current state.Amy is getting married and I'm having a baby, ha-ha-ha.

If that's all, she doesn't have to write it down. I got into some trouble myself, but I don't have the heart to write it all down.Just thinking about it gives me a headache.But I want to see you before the 4th, if the plans in your last letter have not changed. (6 weeks to write a letter? I thought someone chopped off your typing fingers, you bastard!).I'll let you know the details when we meet.I'm sure I'll take your advice. Franny She signed her name in her habitually pompous, comical cursive, so that her signature filled half the space left on the letter.She felt more like a liar than ever when she signed.She folded the letter, put it in an envelope, addressed it, and clipped it to the standing mirror.It's done.

Well, what do you do now? It was getting dark again.She stood up and wandered around the room restlessly. She thought, she should go out before the rain came down, but where could she go?Go to the movies?It was the only movie in town, and she had seen it, with Jessie.Heading to Portland to see clothing?not interested.In fact, the ones with the elastic waists were the ones that caught her attention these days.But there are already two in the room. She received 3 calls today, the first call was good news, the second call was neither good nor bad, and the third call was bad news.She wanted the calls to come in reverse order.It had started to rain outside, and the pier was once again covered in dark clouds.She decided she should go for a walk, rain or not.The fresh air and summer humidity might make her feel better.She might even stop somewhere for a cup of coffee or a drink.Either way, find a balance.

The first call of the day was from Debbie Smith in Somerworth, who warmly welcomed Franny to come and live with her.In fact, she is asking for her.The three girls used to live in a flat together, and one of the girls found a job as a secretary in a warehouse company and moved out in May.She and Rhoda could no longer afford the rent without a third partner.Debbie said: "We are both from a multi-child family, and the crying of the children does not disturb us." Franny said she plans to move in by July 1.When she hung up the phone, she found hot tears streaming down her cheeks.These are tears of relief.She figured that if she could get out of the town she had grown up in, even away from her mother, away from her father, there would be no problem.She knew that no one in the town would force her to wear the scarlet A (the symbol of adultery in the British colonial era), but the town, the environment here still gave her an uneasy feeling, and to eliminate this feeling, stay away from Ogunqua. Special is essential.When she goes out onto the street, she can feel that people aren't staring at her.Of course, the people looking at her were long-term residents, and there was always someone to keep an eye on—a drunk, a slacker on welfare, a good teen in Portland or Orchard Beach posing as a customer in order to shoplift... …or girls with big bellies.

The second call, as usual, was from Jesse Ryder.He called from Portland and said he had started calling the house where he was staying.Luckily, he found Peter, who gave him Franny's phone number in Harbossad without comment. Probably the first thing he said, however, was: "Hey! You've heard a lot of gossip around the house, haven't you?" "Well, some." She said carefully, not wanting to get into the matter.That would make it look like they were playing tricks behind their backs. "Is it your mother?" "Why do you say that?" "She looks like that. There's something in her eyes, Franny. Her eyes say, if you kill my holy cow, I'll kill you."

She said nothing. "Sorry, I didn't want to offend you." "You took no offense," she said.His description was actually quite apt—on the face of it, anyway—but she was still struggling to shake off her surprise at the verb to offend.This is an unfamiliar word heard from him.Maybe, she thought, there was an assumption here.When your lover starts talking about "offending" you, he is no longer your lover. "Frannie, the proposal continues. If you say yes, I can get a pair of rings and be there this afternoon." Just your bike, she thought, almost laughing.She covered the microphone for a while, afraid that he would hear her laughter.She has cried more tears and forced laughter in the past 6 days than she has since she started dating at 15 years old.

"No, Jess," she said, her voice fairly even. "I mean it!" he said with surprising impulsiveness, as if he saw her trying not to laugh. "I know," she said, "but I'm not going to marry. I know what that means to me, Jess. It has nothing to do with you." "And what about the child?" "I'm going to give birth to it." "Abandon it?" "I haven't decided yet." He was silent for a moment, and she could hear other voices in other rooms.They had their own troubles, she guessed.Baby, the world is a daytime drama, and we love life, so we look for a guiding light as we look for tomorrow.

Jessie finally said, "I want to know what to do with the baby." She was skeptical, but it was probably the only thing he could say that would break her heart.It really broke her heart. "Jessie..." "So where are you going?" he asked suddenly. "You can't spend a summer in Harpersad. If you need a place, I can find it in Portland." "I already have a place." "Where, shouldn't I ask?" "You shouldn't," she said no more, hating herself for not finding a more tactful word. "Oh," he said.His voice was surprisingly flat.Finally, he said carefully, "Frannie, can I ask you something without making you angry? Because I do want to know. It's not an optional question."

"You can ask," she agreed carefully.She was prepared inwardly not to throw a tantrum, because when Jessie started with something like that, it was usually followed by something ugly and totally unexpected machismo. Jesse asked, "Do I have no rights at all in this matter? Can't I share the responsibility and participate in the decision?" A surge of anger surged up in her heart, and then that feeling disappeared.Jesse being Jesse, trying to save his face, as all thinking people do, so they can fall asleep at night.She had always liked his cleverness, but in this way, cleverness could be repulsive.People like Jessie—and herself—have been taught all their lives that doing good is obligatory, and that it should be positive.Sometimes having to injure—hurt badly—self to find that it might be better to lie in the tall reeds and drag for a while.His trap is well-intentioned, but a trap is still a trap.He didn't want her to escape.

She said, "Jessie, neither of us wanted this baby. We both agreed to take the pill to avoid having a baby. You have no responsibility." "But……" "No, Jessie," she said firmly. He sighed. "Will you contact me when you settle in?" "I think so." "Are you going back to school?" "Look at the last. I'm finishing the second half of the term." "If you need me, Franny, come find me, you know where I'll be. I'm not leaving." "I know, Jesse." "If you need money..." "yes." "Then contact again. I won't force you, but I... I want to see you in the future." "Okay, Jesse." "Goodbye, Franny." "goodbye." When she hung up, the goodbye seemed too hasty, like an unfinished conversation.It reminded her suddenly that they hadn't added "I love you," and that was the first time.It made her very sad, and she told herself not to, but it was no use. The last call was from her father around noon.They had lunch together the day before yesterday, and he told her that he was worried about the effect on Carla.She hadn't gone to bed last night, but had spent the night in the living room, absorbed in looking through the old family tree.He had gone to ask her at around 11:30 when she was going to bed upstairs.With her hair down over her shoulders and a vest-style pajamas, Peter said she looked wild and dazed.She put the thick book on her lap, and she didn't even look up at him, just kept turning the pages.She said she couldn't sleep and would go upstairs later.When he got up in the morning, Peter found her asleep in a chair with the books on his lap.When the two were sitting in the Corner fast food restaurant looking at the hamburgers in a daze, Peter told her that she had a cold.Peter asked her if she would like a cup of hot milk, but she remained silent. When she finally woke up, she seemed better, that was her own feeling, but her cold was bad.She dismissed the idea of ​​calling for Dr. Edmonton, saying it was just a cold in the chest.She put a Weckers flannel plaid over her chest, thinking that her meridians and acupuncture points had been unblocked.She wouldn't let him take her temperature, but he thought she had a slight fever, two degrees above normal. He called Franny today just in time for the first thunderstorm to start.Thick, dark clouds were quietly gathering over the port, and it began to rain, first lightly and then in heavy torrents.While they were talking, she looked out the window and saw a flash of lightning piercing the water beyond the breakwater, and each time there was a flash of lightning, there was a little hissing noise in the phone line, like the needles of a record player. Same on turntable. "She was in bed today," said Peter, "and she finally agreed to have Dr. Tom Edmonton look at her." "Is he here?" "He just left. He thinks she has the flu." "Oh dear," said Franny, closing her eyes, "that's no joke for a woman her age." "Yes, that's right." He paused. "Frannie, I told the doctor everything. About the baby, about your fight with Carla. You see a doctor. He doesn't talk nonsense. I asked him if Carla was sick because of you, and he said no way. The flu is the flu." "Where did the flu come from?" said Franny sadly. "what?" "Nothing," Franny said.Her father was very generous. "Please go on." "Well, we didn't go any further, babe. He said a lot of people around had the flu. It was a really bad one. Seems like it came from the South, and it's all over New York now." "But sleeping all night in the living room..." she said dubiously. "Actually, he said it might be better for her lungs and bronchi to be upright. Nothing else was said, and Alberta Edmonton was a member of various organizations Carla belonged to, so he didn't have to. Franny, as we both know, has always been physically inattentive. She's the director of the town's historical committee and spends 20 hours a week in the library. She's also the secretary of the Ladies' Club and the Literary Lovers' Club. In Frey Before she died, she was leading the Small Commodity Development Association in town. She took on additional work for the Love Foundation last winter. She was exhausted and worn out. That's part of why she got mad at you. Lanny, she's getting old and she doesn't want to. She's been working harder than I have been." "Daddy, how sick is she?" "She was lying in bed, drinking only a little soup, and taking the medicine that Tom prescribed. I asked for leave, and Mrs. Halliday was coming tomorrow to sit with her. She asked Mrs. Halliday to come so that they could prepare for July." Historic Society meeting set the agenda." He sighed roughly, and the lightning rattled the phone line again. "I sometimes think she's trying to die in the line of duty." Frannie said with a shudder, "Do you think she would mind? If I..." "She'll do it right away. But give her time, Franny. She'll change her mind." Now, four hours later, she wonders if her mother will change her mind as she wraps up the rain towel that covers her hair.Maybe, if she gave up the baby, no one in town would get wind of it.However, that is also impossible.In small towns, people can smell the wind through their unusually sensitive noses.Of course, if she kept the child...but she really didn't think about it that way. As she put on the light-colored blouse, she felt a deep sense of guilt.Her mother's health was getting worse, and Franny thought of the two of them kissing each other's cheeks when they came home from college.Kara has bags under her eyes, her skin looks too sallow, and her hair is always neatly combed by the beauty salon, but despite spending $30 to dye it, the gray hair is already visible.But she still... She was hysterical, absolutely hysterical.Frannie asked herself, how on earth would she rate her responsibility if her mother's flu had turned into pneumonia, or if she had developed some sort of terminal illness, or even died?OMG what a horrible thought.This can't happen, God, don't do it.The medicine she is taking now will cure her.Once Franny delivered her new baby quietly and out of sight in Somersworth, her mother would recover from the shock she was forced to take.she will... The phone started ringing. She looked at it blankly for a while, and there were more and more lightning bolts outside, followed by thunder that was close at hand, so fierce that she couldn't help jumping up and retreating back. Drip ring ring, drop ring ring, drop ring ring. She has answered the phone three times.Who could it be this time?Debbie didn't have to call her, and she didn't think it would be Jessie.Maybe it was a "telephone charge notification," or a call from a salad dressing salesman?Maybe it was Jesse after all, calling here without looking back. It was only when she went to answer the phone that she felt sure it was her father and that the news could be worse.It's a pie, she said to herself.Responsibility is a kind of pie.Some of this responsibility is bound up with the whole philanthropic work she does.But if you don't think you're going to have to cut yourself a hunk of juicy bitter pie, just cheat and eat the whole thing. "Hey?" There was no sound, only a long silence, she frowned, puzzled, and said "Hi" again. My father's voice came from the microphone. "Frannie?" followed by an unfamiliar sob. "Frannie?" came the choked sound again, and Frannie realized with burgeoning terror that her father was fighting back tears.One of her hands moved slowly to her throat and grabbed the knot of the rain hood. "Dad? What's going on? Is it Mom?" "Frannie, I have to pick you up. I... just turn around and pick you up. This is what I have to do." "How's Mom?" she called into the phone.There was another rumble of thunder over Harbosad.She got scared and started crying. "Tell me, Dad!" "She got sick, that's all I know," said Peter, "and about an hour after I told you she got sick, she got a fever and started talking nonsense. I tried to get Tom... so I gave Sanford De hospital called and they said both of their ambulances were out but they would add Carla to the list. Frannie, there's a list out of nowhere, what the hell is this list? I know Jim Warrington, he drives one of Sanford's ambulances, and unless there's a crash on Route 95, he's out there playing poker all day. What's this list?" He was almost shouting. . "Calm down, Daddy. Calm down, calm down." Tears welled up in her eyes again, and her hand left the button of her hijab and reached out to her eyes. "If it's still there, you'd better see her off yourself." "No... no, they came here about 15 minutes ago. God, Franny, there were six people in the back of that ambulance. One of them was Will Rosson, the guy who opened the pharmacy. Also There's Kara...your mother...they put her in the car for a while and she came out and kept saying, 'I'm suffocating, Peter, I'm suffocating, why can't I breathe?'” Oh my God, he finished in such a heartbreakingly childish voice that Franny was horrified. "Dad, can you drive? Can you drive here?" "Okay," he said, "surely." He seemed to be regaining his composure. "I'll be waiting for you in the front aisle," she told herself as she waited for her father to arrive. You're going to eat your pie.It tastes so bad you'll have to eat your pie too.You could be eating a second-rate pie, or even a third-rate pie.Franny, eat your pie, eat it whole. She hung up and quickly descended the stairs, her knees shaking.In the aisle she saw that although it was still raining, the clouds of the latest thunderstorm had begun to part.In the late afternoon, the sky cleared up.She searched for the rainbow subconsciously and saw it far beyond the waters, a hazy, mysterious half-garland.