Chapter 62 end

In the last human stronghold on Earth, life and love continue, but things don't stay the same. I am different. This is the first time I have been reborn in the body of the same species, and I found that such a transformation is more difficult than living on a different planet, because I had too much expectation of becoming a human being.Also, I have inherited many memories from Peters Ofen Moon, and not all pleasant ones. I have inherited endless sorrow for Claude Spina, the spider who weaves clouds.I miss this mother I have never met, and I am sad for what happened to her.Perhaps all pleasure on this planet is accompanied by an equal amount of pain, balanced by some unknown balance.

I have accidentally inherited quite a few physical limitations from a body I was used to being strong, tall and agile - it can run for miles, endure hunger and drought, lift heavy objects, reach tall Airy, but this body is weak - not just on a physical level.Whenever I doubt myself, this body is overwhelmed by shyness, which has been happening a lot these days. I also inherited a different role in human society.Now, people lift the weight for me and let me walk into the room first.They do the easiest work for me, and when I'm halfway done, they take it straight from me.Even worse, I need their help.My muscles are so tender that I can't resist physical exertion.I'd wear out quickly, and I'd try to hide it from no one, and I probably wouldn't be able to run a mile without a break.

But, besides my physical frailty, there were other aspects which gave me preferential treatment.My old face was pretty, but people looked at me with fear, suspicion, and hatred, and my new face didn't elicit any of those negativity. From time to time people touch my cheeks or put their hands on my chin and lift my face up to get a better look.I was always being patted on the head (which was easy to reach because I'm shorter than everyone except the kids) and my hair was being ruffled so habitually that I hadn't noticed it.People who never accepted me before, now do it regularly, like my friends.Even when Lucina's children started to follow me like two loyal puppies, she only put on a show of reluctance.Especially Fritton, who climbed into my lap every chance he got and buried his face in my hair.Isaiah isn't old enough to do the greasy stuff, but he loves to hold my hand—my hand—while he and I gleefully chat about Spider Planet and Dragon Planet, about football and looting As big as his hand.The children were still reluctant to approach Melanie, and their mother had frightened them before agreeing to a change of attitude towards her.

Even Meggie and Sharon were less unkind in front of me, although they still made a point of not looking at me. One more thing, I haven't smelled the scent of rain on wood tar bushes before - I can only vaguely recall some from Melanie's recollection, very vague indeed - but now, the smell washes away The cave full of grime makes the air in the cave fresh and pleasant, almost spicy.This smell is attached to my hair, wherever I go, I can smell it in my dreams. Also, Peters Ofen Moon has lived in Seattle all his life, and the endless blue skies and extreme heat make my body feel overwhelmed, even numb, like a cloudy sky would make these living in the desert people are confused.Compared with the mild, bland light blue sky, when there are clouds, it looks wonderful.Thick clouds are constantly moving, creating patterns in the sky.

There were a lot of adjustments to be made in Jeb's Cave, people were moving into the large recreation room - it's now a place where everyone sleeps together, and this move laid the groundwork for more permanent arrangements later on. We need to use every inch of land, no room can be empty.Still, only the newcomers, Gundy—she finally remembered her proper name, and Lacey—would like to live in the old place Wes had lived.I felt sorry for Gandy that she would have such a roommate, but the therapist never expressed displeasure about the future. At the end of the rainy season, Jamie would move to an empty corner of the cave where Brant and Aaron lived.Before I got reborn in Pat's body, Melanie and Jared had kicked Jamie out of their room and put him in Ian's room.Jamie wasn't a kid anymore, and they didn't need to find an excuse to get rid of him.

Kyle was working on widening the little cave where Walter used to sleep so he could move into it when the desert cleared.The cave can hardly accommodate more than one person, and Kyle won't be living there alone. In the rec room at night, Sunny slept curled up in a ball against Kyle's chest like a big, big Rottweiler.A friendly kitten - she trusts the dog without reservation.Sunny was always with Kyle, and I hadn't seen her without Kyle since the first time I opened those gray eyes. Kyle seems to be lost in thought from time to time, distracted by this unusual relationship and distracted from other things.

He didn't give up on Jody, but when Sunny cuddled him, he would wrap his arms around her tenderly. Before the rainy season started, all the open spaces were taken, so I stayed with the doctor in the hospital, which no longer frightened me.The operating table was not very comfortable, but it was fun to sleep on.Gandy remembered the details of Xia Song's life more clearly than she could remember herself, and this hospital has now become a place where miracles are created. Doctors no longer sleep in hospitals after the rainy season.One night in the rec room, Sharon silently dragged her mattress to the doctor.Perhaps it was the doctor's preoccupation with the therapist that spurred Sharon, though I suspect the doctor never noticed how pretty the older woman was, and his preoccupation was with her vast knowledge.Or maybe it's just Sharon's willingness to forgive the doctor and forget about the past.Hopefully that's the reason, and it's comforting to think that even Sharon and Meggie might soften their tempers with time.

I didn't stay in the hospital any longer. If it wasn't for Jamie, I probably never would have been able to have an open and honest conversation with Ian.Whenever I want to bring up the topic, I get dry mouth and sweaty palms.What if that emotion in the hospital, that fleeting but beautiful conviction I had just woken up from in this body, was just a hallucination? If I'm mistaken?I know nothing has changed for me, but how can I be sure Ian's feelings haven't changed either?The body he had loved was still here! I guess he must be restless - we all are.If this is difficult for me, a soul adapting to every change, how difficult must it be for human beings?

I still have residual love for Jared, and I'm trying to get over the last traces of jealousy and this indescribable emotion.I don't need or want the emotion, and Ian is the right partner for me, but sometimes I find myself staring at Jared uncontrollably and it overwhelms me.I've seen Melanie hold Ian's hand or arm, then suddenly let go, as if suddenly remembering who she was.Even Jared, who had the least reason to be disturbed, sometimes had his searching eyes mingled with mine.And Ian... there is no doubt that it must be the worst for him, I understand. We spend about as much time together as Kyle and Sunny, and Ian touches my cheeks and hair a lot, always holds my hand, but who doesn't respond like that to this body?For others, isn't it platonic love?Why doesn't he kiss me anymore like he did on the first day?

Maybe he doesn't love me in this body that doesn't seem to attract him as much as it attracts the others here. One night, Ian moved my cot into the large, dark rec room because it was too heavy for me to move.At this time, my heart was full of such worries. For the first time, the rainy season lasted more than six months.Everyone laughed and complained as they dried the damp sheets and made the beds.Seeing Sharon with the doctor made me smile. Come here, Man, Jamie called me, he waved and showed me that he just put the mattress next to Ian, and now, there is room for the three of us.

Jamie's attitude toward me was pretty much the same as before.He did notice my small stature, but he never seemed surprised to see me enter a room, nor froze at the sound of a wanderer coming from my lips. You don't want to sleep in that little bed, do you, Xiaoman?I bet we could all sleep on the mattresses if they were pushed together.Jamie grinned at me, and before I could agree, he kicked one mattress over the other.You can't take up a lot of space. He took the cot from Ian, turned it on its side, and set it far away.Then Jamie lay down on the far edge of the mattress, stretched out, and turned his back toward us. Oh, hey, Ian, he said behind his back, I've talked to Brant and Aaron, and I'm going to move in with them.Uh, there is no way.Everyone, good night. I stared at Jamie's motionless body for a long time.Ian didn't move either, but he certainly wasn't panicking. Was he trying to get out of the situation? Lights out Jeb yells from across the room and everyone shuts up, I'm going to get a good night's sleep. Everyone laughed, but always listened to him.The four oil lamps went out one after another, and the room became pitch black. Ian touched my hand, it was warm, did he notice how cold and wet my skin was? He knelt on the mattress and gently pulled me closer.I moved closer to him and lay down between the two beds, and he held my hand. is this OK?he whispered.Around us there were others whispering, voices muffled by the gurgling of the sulfur hot springs. um. Thank you.I replied. Jamie rolled over, shifting the mattress and bumping into me.Oh, sorry, Man.He muttered to himself, and then I heard him yawn. I automatically move away from Jamie, Ian is closer than I thought.When I bumped into Ian, I took a deep breath and stepped back, trying to give him more space.His arms suddenly wrapped around me and I leaned against him. It was an unusual feeling, and Ian's arms around me in such an un-Platonic position reminded me of the first time I took painkillers.As if I was in pain and didn't realize it, his embrace took all the pain away. The feeling took away my shyness, and I turned to him, and his arms around me tightened. is this OK?I repeat his question in a low voice. He kisses my forehead: very good. We were silent for several minutes, and the voices of other conversations also fell silent. He bent down, put his lips close to my ear, and whispered in a low voice, the voice was softer than before: Xiaoman, do you think...he is silent. Ok? Uh, now it seems that the whole room is left to me alone, which shouldn't be the case. No, there is a shortage of rooms and you cannot live alone. I don't want to live alone, but... Why didn't he ask me but, what's wrong? Do you have enough time to clear your mind?I don't want to rush you.I know it's confusing...with Jared... I thought for a while before I understood what he meant, and I quietly smirked.Melanie wasn't used to giggling aloud, but Pat was, and her body gave me away in an inopportune way. what happened?he asks. I'm giving you time to clear your head, I explain in a low voice, I don't want to rush you - because I know it's confusing, with Melanie. He bounced back in surprise: You think...but Melanie isn't you, I've never been confused. I laughed in the dark: and Jared isn't you. His voice became more tense in reply: But he's still Jared, and you love him. Ian is jealous again?I shouldn't gloat, but I have to admit that his words made me rejoice. Jared is my past, another life, and you are my present. He was quiet for a moment, and when he opened his mouth to speak again, his voice was excited and stern: And your future, if you like. Yes I do. Then, in this crowded setting, he kissed me in the most un-platonic way possible, and in my ecstasy I remembered that I had been clever enough to lie about my age. The rainy season is coming to an end, and when the rainy season is over, Ian and I will be together and be lovers in the truest sense of the word.This is a commitment and responsibility that I have never had in all my life.Thinking about it made me overjoyed, but also anxious, shy, and too eager to wait—it made me feel human. After all was quiet, Ian and I were more inseparable than ever.So when the time came for me to deal with other souls with my new face, of course Ian walked with me. The raid was a relief to me after long weeks of depression.In the cave, my body was so emaciated that it was almost useless, and I felt terrible; it would be inhumane for others not to allow me to use my body for the task for which it was best suited. Jared especially approves of Jamie's choice, because no one will doubt this innocent, helpless face, because everyone wants to protect this petite body, but even Jared himself is reluctant to let me out adventure.I'm convinced that looting is as easy as it used to be for me now, but Jared, Jeb, Ian, and the others—everyone except Jamie and Melanie—argued for days trying to figure out what to do. It's absurd to have me in the heist. I saw them eyeing Sunny, but she hadn't been proven trustworthy.Besides, Sunny didn't have the slightest desire to step out of the cave.Just the word looting already made her cringe.Kyle won't be walking with us because Sunny gets hysterical whenever he mentions it. In the end, practical needs won out, and they needed me. It's a wonderful feeling to be needed. It will be a long and complete plunder as we have fewer and fewer supplies.Jared is the lead, as always, so it goes without saying that Melanie is also included.Aaron and Brant volunteered, not because we really didn't need so many people, but because they were tired of being trapped in the cave. Our trip is farther north, and I'm excited to see new places and feel the cool weather again. In this body, the excitement was overdone.As we drove up to the rocky fault where the vans and trucks were hidden, I was so confident and ecstatic that night.Ian laughed at me for being wobbly and unable to hold things as we loaded the delivery van with the clothes and sundries we needed.He grabbed my hand and said it was to keep my feet firmly on the surface of this planet. Am I being too loud?Ignoring your surroundings?No, of course not, I did nothing, nothing.It's a trap, and once we step into it, there's nothing to hide from. We were all stunned to see the thin beams of light shining from the darkness onto the faces of Jared and Melanie.My face, my eyes, the body that might help us was hidden in the shadow of Ian's broad shoulders. The beam didn't dazzle me, and the moonlight was bright enough that I could clearly see the hunters, who outnumbered us, eight to six of us.I could also see what was in their hands, the gleaming weapons held high and pointed at us.Pointing at Jared and Mel, Brant and Aaron, and one against Ian's chest, and our only gun still undrawn. Why should I let him go with me?Why is he also dying?Lily's question echoed in my head: Why do life and love last?What's the point? With my fragile heart torn into a million pieces, I fumbled in my pocket for the pill. Hold still, now, everyone keep calm!The hunter in the middle of the crowd yells, "Wait, wait, don't swallow anything!"Oops, calm down!look! The man shines a flashlight in his face. His face was tanned and angular, like a block of rock eroded by the wind.His hair was dark, white at the temples, thick and curly around the ears.His eyes—his eyes were dark brown, just dark brown, nothing else. see that?He said, well, now, if you don't shoot us, we won't kill you.Understand?He put the gun he was holding on the ground, quick, man.As he spoke, the others holstered their guns—on their hips, at their ankles, on their backs… so many weapons. We found your Vault here - clever, lucky to have found it - so we decided to come out together and get to know you, it's not every day you find another Rebel hideout.He laughs, the sound comes from deep in his belly, look at yourselves!What?Do you think you are the only human alive?He laughed again. We were all motionless. They must have fainted, Nat.said another man. We almost scared them to death, a woman said, what are you trying to do? We stood dumbfounded while they waited, switching feet. Jared was the first to come to his senses. who are you?he asked in a low voice. The man in the lead smiled again, this is Nat - nice to meet you, even though you might not feel that way yet.With me, this is Rob, Ivan, Blake, Tom, Jim, and Rachel.As he spoke, he pointed to people in the crowd who nodded when they heard the names.I noticed a man slightly back whom Nat had not introduced.His curly hair was a bright reddish-yellow, and it stood out—not least because he was the tallest in the crowd.He was the only one who seemed to be unarmed, and he was staring at me intently, but I looked away, but there were twenty-two of us.Nat continued. Nat held out his hand. Jared took a deep breath and took a step forward.Everyone else in our small group let out a silent exhale as he moved. My name is Jared.He shook Nat's hand and smiled, and this is Melanie, Aaron, Brant, Ian, and Man, thirty-seven of us. When Jared said my name, Ian tilted his body to completely block me from others to see.It was then that I realized that I was still in danger, as anyone else might be, if these were hunters, and I tried to stand still, as I had done at first. Nat blinked at Jared's words, and then he opened them again: Wow.For the first time I had the upper hand on that. Now it's Jared's turn to blink. Did you guys find the others? As far as we know, there are three other secret bases that are separate from ours.Gail has eleven, Russell has seven, and Marcos has eighteen.We keep in touch with each other and sometimes even exchange things.His stomach was laughing again, Gail's little Allen decided to stay with my Ivan, and Carlos fell in love with Cindy.Of course, everyone needs Pence's help often... He stopped talking suddenly and looked around nervously, as if he had said something he shouldn't have said.His gaze paused briefly on the tall red-haired man standing behind him, and the red-haired man was still staring at me. Let's make this matter clear!said the thin, dark man at Nat's elbow. Nat gave us a few suspicious glances. Well, Rob is right, let's get this out of the way right away.He took a deep breath, now, relax and listen to me.Calm down, I hope.Things like this can be frustrating at times. Every time.The man named Rob grunted and moved his hand to the holster on his thigh. what happened?Jared's voice was lukewarm. Nat sighed, then pointed to the tall redhead.The man took a step forward with a bitter smile on his face.He has freckles like me, but a lot more than I do.The freckles were so densely distributed on his face that although he was fair-skinned he looked dark, and his eyes were dark—maybe dark blue. This is Pence, and now he's with us.Don't be angry, he is my best friend - he has saved me countless times, he is one of our family, so if someone wants to kill him, we will never let him go lightly. One of the women slowly drew out her gun, holding it with the muzzle facing the ground. The redhead spoke for the first time, and his tone was exceptionally gentle: No, it's all right, Nat, see?They also have a soul of their own.He pointed straight at me, and Ian tensed up, it seemed I wasn't the only naturalized soul. Burns grinned at me, and then, across the clearing, no man's land between the two tribes, he held out his hand to me. I stepped out from behind Ian, ignoring his warning grunts, feeling suddenly at ease. I like the word Pence uses: naturalization. Burns stopped in front of me, bowed his head, making up for the huge gap in height between us.I took his hand and shook it.His hands were rough and thick against my delicate skin.  … Burns Living Flowers, the fiery flower.He introduced himself. My eyes widen when I hear the name, Fire Planet—unexpectedly. rover.I told him. Wanderer, it's been... wonderful to see you.Here, I thought I was a special individual. Far from it.As I said that, I thought of Sunny in the cave.Maybe we are not as precious as we think. Hearing my answer, he raised his eyebrows suspiciously. Yeah?He said, well, maybe there is some hope on this planet after all. It's a strange world.I whispered, more to myself than to that other naturalized soul. Extremely strange.He agrees. (End of the book)