Chapter 32 Chapter 30 Simplification

"Mel?" he asked again, hoping that there would be no emotion in his tone.I started sobbing again, the reaction to the shock. "You know that kiss is for you, Mel. You know, it's not for her--it, and you know I wouldn't kiss it." Then my crying was louder, it was whimpering.Why can't I shut up?I try to hold my breath. "If you're here, Mel" he paused. Melanie hates "ifs."A cry burst from my lungs, and I gasped for air. "I love you," Jared said, "even when you're not here, even when you can't hear." I held my breath again and bit my lip until the blood was oozing, the physical pain wasn't as distracting as I'd hoped it would be.

There was silence outside the cave, and it was equally quiet inside, and I was exhausted.I don't think, I just listen, trying to hear something.There is no sound. I can't believe how I got into this pose.My head was so low that it couldn't be lowered, the right side of my face was pressed against the rough stone surface, and my shoulders were obliquely pressed against one side of the box, with the right shoulder higher than the left shoulder.Hips bent in the other direction, left calf against the roof of the cave.When I got in, I bumped into a lot of boxes and got a lot of bruises - I could feel them throbbing.I know I have to find a reason to explain to Ian and Jamie that I caused these injuries, but how?What should I say?How do I tell them Jared kissed me, but it was just for an experiment, like giving a lab mouse an electric shock to see how it would react?

How long can I stay in this position?I don't want to make any noise, but it feels like my spine is going to snap in a minute.The pain became more unbearable with each passing second.I could not bear this pain in silence for long, and there was already a sob in my throat. Melanie had nothing to say to me, she quietly affected me with her relief and anger.Jared had already spoken to her, finally acknowledging that Melanie was still there.He had told her that he loved her.But he kissed me instead.She wanted to convince herself that there was no reason to feel hurt by it, and that there were more tangible reasons why things were not what they felt.She tried, but without success.I hear everything, but it all comes from the heart.She didn't tell me—in that youthful, narrow-minded tone, I was left alone.

I'm mad at her, which is never before.Unlike the beginning, I was afraid of her, I wanted her to disappear from my consciousness.No, now I feel betrayed.How can she be mad at me for what happened?How can this be?It was she who forced the memories on me, and it was the uncontrollable body that made me fall in love with him. How could it be my fault?She was sad, and I was worried; however, she didn't care about my pain, and even enjoyed it.hateful people. Tears flowed down my cheeks quietly, and her hostility towards me seemed to be about to explode. Suddenly, a sharp pain hit my injured and twisted back.Finally, I was overwhelmed.

"Oops." I groaned and backed away, hitting the rocks and the box. I don't care if there's a sound or not, I just want to get out.I swear I'll never set foot in this damn hole again—never, ever. Moving out is much harder than rushing in.I squirmed, but I found it was worse, and I looked like a tilted pretzel.I started crying again, crying like a child, worried that I would never get out again. Melanie sighed.Hook one foot into the hole.Then pull yourself out hard.she suggested. I ignored her, and struggled to twist my body around a sharp corner, but the sharp corner poked my ribs very painfully.

Stop being so petty.She grunted. It's you who are petty. I know.She hesitated, then threw in the towel, well, sorry, I was mean.voila.I am human.It's also hard to be fair at times.We can also feel wrong and do wrong things.She's still resentful, but she's trying to forgive, to forget the true love I shared with her—at least, she thinks so. I hooked one foot to the opening and pulled so hard that my knee hit the wide ground, then I pushed my knee and my ribs cleared the sharp corner.Then, I easily let the other foot out, and I used another force.Finally, my hands could touch the ground, and I slowly crawled out backwards, and suddenly collapsed on the dark green mat.I lay there for a while, face down, gasping for breath.At the moment, I believe Jared is gone, but I can't be sure right away.I just kept breathing in and out, and finally I finally lifted my head.

I'm alone.I want to breathe a sigh of relief and forget the pain that loneliness brings.Alone is better and less shameful. I curled up on the mat with my face pressed against the moldy doily.I'm not sleepy, but I'm tired, and Jared's experiment has completely broken me.I close my eyes and try to think of something else that I hope won't make my aching eyes cry again, but I can't think of anything other than Jared's terrified face when he let me go What is Emoticon Jamie doing now?Does he know I'm here, or is he looking for me?Ian sleeps in for a long time, and he looks terribly tired.Will Kyle wake up anytime soon?Will he look for me too?where is jeb

I haven't seen him all day.Did the doctor really drink unconscious?It didn't seem like his style. I woke up slowly and was woken up by my gurgling stomach, and I lay still for a few minutes.I must have slept so long to be so hungry - I missed a meal or two. I thought about finding something to eat from the food stored in the cave--only, I've broken pretty much everything here, maybe totally ruined some.But finding something to eat from here will only make me feel more ashamed, I'll go back to the kitchen and find some buns to eat. Apart from the previous injury, I was a little sad to think that I lay here so long and no one came to me--what a vanity!Why should people care about your business?So when I saw Jamie sitting at the entrance of the garden, I felt relieved and calm, with his back to the human world behind him, yes, he was waiting for me.

When my eyes lit up, so did his eyes.He stood up quickly, feeling relieved all of a sudden. "You're okay," he said, and I hope he's right, and he started rambling, "I mean, I don't think Jared was lying, but he said he thought you wanted to be left alone. Jeb Said I can't see you, I have to stay here so he can see if I'm sneaking back. But even then, I don't think you'll get hurt or anything. It's hard to be sure, you know ?" "I'm fine." I answered him.But I stretch out my arms, looking for solace.He put his arms around my waist.To my surprise, his head was right up to my shoulders as we stood.

"Your eyes are red," he whispered. "Did he treat you badly?" "No." After all, humans don't mean to be cruel to lab mice—they just want clues. "No matter what you said to him, I think he believes us now. I mean, about Mel, how is she feeling now?" "She's happy." He nodded, very happy: "What about you?" I hesitated, trying to answer truthfully: "It's easier for me to tell the truth than to lie." I didn't answer his question directly, but it was enough to satisfy him. The red sun was fading in the garden behind him, and the sun had set in the desert.

"I'm hungry," I told him, and pushed him away. "I know you're going to be hungry, and I've saved some delicious food for you." I sighed: "Bread is enough." "Xiao Man, don't be like this. Ian said that your spirit of self-sacrifice is too strong, which is not good for you." I made a face. "I think he's right," murmured Jamie, "even if we want you to stay here, you'll stay here if you decide you want to stay." "I can't live here, Jamie, no one really wants me to stay here." "I want you to stay here." I didn't argue with him, but he was wrong.He wasn't lying because he believed what he said, but what he really wanted was Melanie, and he didn't distinguish between me and Melanie correctly. Trudy and Heidi were baking bread in the kitchen, and they were sharing a juicy green apple, taking turns taking a bite. "Nice to meet you, Xiaoman." Trudy said sincerely, she still covered her mouth with one hand when she spoke, and she was still chewing the bite of apple she had just bitten off.Heidi nodded as a greeting, she was still nibbling on the apple.Jamie poked me lightly, he didn't want to make it too obvious - meant to say that people needed me, he didn't take into account that it was just a general courtesy. "Did you leave her supper?" he asked eagerly. "Of course," said Trudy, hunched over the stove, and came back with a metal pan in her hand, "it's still warm. It might be a little hard and chewy now, but it's better than usual." There was a large piece of red meat on a plate.I was about to decline my share when my mouth watered. "Too much." "We had to eat everything that would go bad on the first day," Jamie encouraged me. "Everybody's got a stomachache. It's a tradition." "You need protein," Trudy added. "We've been rationing food for a long time. I'm surprised no one's health has declined." I ate my protein and Jamie watched intently as I moved the food from the plate to my mouth.I ate all the meat, trying to please him, but it was so much my stomach hurt. As soon as I finished eating, there were more and more people in the kitchen.They held a few apples in their hands—each apple was eaten by two people, and they looked at the wound on my face curiously. "Why are you here now?" I whispered to Jamie.It was dark outside, and dinner time was long past. Jamie looked at me blankly for a second. "Listen to your class." His tone was very sure. "Are you joking?" "I told you nothing has changed." I scanned the small room, which was not full of people.This evening, the doctor didn't come, and none of the hunting people came back from going out, and Paige wasn't there either.Jeb, Ian, and Walter weren't there, and a few more weren't there: Travis, Carol, and Louth'Ann.But more than I expected, I thought that after such a special day, few people would follow the normal order of life. "Can we go back to Dolphin Planet, where do we start?" Wes asked a question, interrupting my train of thought.I understand that this is throwing bricks and mortar, and that he's not really interested in kinship on other planets. Everyone looked at me expectantly.Apparently I took a plate of buns from Heidi and they started talking.Life hasn't changed the way I thought it would.Turning around, pushing the dish into the stone oven.Back to "So uh uh, the third set of grandparents traditionally, they serve the whole family. On earth, they are the breadwinners of the whole family. They go out and bring food when they come back. Big For the most part, they're farmers. They grow things like plants and get their sap." life goes on. Jamie tried to convince me not to go back to sleep in the food-strewn aisle, but he didn't do his best.There is no other place for me to sleep.He was as stubborn as ever and insisted on sleeping with me.I imagined that Jared wouldn't like it, but since I didn't see him that night or the next day, I couldn't prove myself. There was another moment of embarrassment, I went about my business as usual, and the half-dozen people who had been out hunting came back—just like the first time Jeb had forced me into the group.The eyes were full of hostility, and there was anger in the silence, but this situation seemed more unbearable to them-I was used to it.On the other hand, they haven't quite gotten used to the way other people treat me.For example, when I helped harvest the cornfield, Lily would smile and thank me for a new basket, and Andy's eyes would pop out of their sockets.Or when Trudy and Heidi were waiting at the bathroom door and Heidi started playing with my hair.My hair is growing long and tends to fall into my eyes these days and I'm thinking of cutting it off again.Heidi wanted to give me a new hairstyle, to do my hair this way and that.Brant and Aaron - Aaron was the oldest of the group out hunting, I don't think I've ever seen him before - came out and saw us there and Trudy was looking at Heidi on top of me Laughed out loud at the new hairstyles created.The two of them looked a little gloomy, and then strode past us without saying a word. Of course, these are small things, nothing else.Kyle is always wandering around in the cave now, obviously, he has been ordered not to hurt me, but his expression is very clear, he is very resistant to such orders.When I met him, I was with other people.I don't know if that's the reason, when he saw me, although he was furious, his thick fingers clenched subconsciously, but he still didn't do anything.At this point, the fear I felt during the first few weeks came back, that I might die—and start hiding again, afraid to go to the places I used to go to—but, the next night, I noticed Some other things, which are far more important than Kyle's vicious gaze. The kitchen was packed again—I'm not sure how many people were interested in my story, and I'm not sure how many people were interested in the chocolate bars that Jeb handed out.I didn't ask for it, Jamie was upset and I explained to him that I couldn't talk while chewing a chocolate bar.I suspect that he still left one for me, he is still so stubborn.Ian sat back down by the fire, where it was hot, and Andy was there - with tired eyes - next to Paige.None of the other dabblers showed up, not even Jared.The doctor's still out, I don't know if he's still drunk or hungover, and Walter is absent again. This evening, Trudy's husband Jeffrey asked me a question for the first time.As much as I try to hide my joy, I'm really glad he accepted me like so many others.It's just that I can't answer his question well. This question is too difficult. His question is like a doctor would ask. "I don't know anything about healing," I admit, "I've never seen a healer, and I've never been sick since I got here. All I know is that we can only choose planets if we maintain the host's body intact. .Everything can be healed, from a small wound, a broken bone, to some kind of disease. Now, the only cause of death is old age and infirmity, and even the body of a healthy person is only used for as long as possible. I I think there will be some accidents, but such accidents don't often happen to the soul, we are more cautious." "It's no accident that humans are fully armed." Someone muttered in a low voice.I was turning the steaming bread, and I didn't see who was speaking, I couldn't hear whose voice. "Yes, that's right." I replied calmly, agreeing. "So, you just don't know what they use to treat the disease?" Jeffrey asked again, "What's in their medicine?" I shook my head: "I'm sorry, I don't know. I was able to get some information, but I was not interested in those things. I'm afraid I took it for granted that a healthy body is a certain thing on the planet I live on." Geoffrey's rosy cheeks were even redder than usual.He lowered his head with an angry look on his lips.Did my words offend him? Heath, sitting next to Geoffrey, patted him on the arm a few times.There was no sound in the room, but the silence meant a lot. "Uh - about Planet Vulture" Ian said - his words were a little forced, he deliberately changed the subject, "I don't know if I didn't hear it, but I don't remember you ever talking about them' Unfriendly' explained?" I didn't really explain this one, but I'm pretty sure Ian wasn't really interested in it - it was just the first question he could think of. My informal class ended early today.Questions were asked very slowly and Jamie and Ian answered most of them for me.Jeffrey's question has everyone else on their minds. "Okay, tomorrow we have to get up early to pull the corn stalks." After another awkward silence, Jeb said thoughtfully, meaning that everyone can leave.Everyone stood up, stretched their legs, and talked in low tones, just not so casually. "Did I say anything?" I whispered to Ian. "No, they've been thinking about death." He sighed. My human brain suddenly understood what humans call intuition. "Where's Walter?" I asked, still very quietly. Ian sighed again: "He's in the cave to the south, he's very bad." "Why didn't anyone tell me?" "Recently, your situation has been very difficult, so" I shook my head impatiently, refusing this understanding: "What's wrong with him?" Jamie is here with me now, holding my hand. "Part of Walter's bone is broken, and those bones are brittle," he said quietly. "The doctor determined it was cancer—the doctor said it was terminal." "Walter must have been in pain for a long time," added Ian, looking somber. I froze for a moment: "Is there no way? Is there nothing at all?" Ian shook his head, his bright eyes still looking at me: "It's not for us, even if we are not trapped here, there is no way to save him now. We have never treated such a patient before." I bit my lip hard to keep from uttering my suggestion.Of course, there was nothing more that could help Walter.Neither of them would rather die a slow, painful death than sell their consciousness for physical recovery.I can understand. "He kept asking about you," Ian continued, "well, he called your name several times. Don't know what he meant - the doctor got him drunk to lessen his pain." "The doctor's upset about giving him so much," added Jamie. "It's not the right time to be born. It's like that everywhere." "Can I see him?" I asked, "or will this make other people unhappy?" Ian frowned and said angrily, "Do you want to be like some people, neurotic?" He shook his head, "Who cares, right? If this is Walter's last wish" "Yeah," I agreed, my eyes lit up at the last word, "if Walter wants to see me, what does it matter what other people think, or get mad at?" "Don't worry—I won't let anyone harass you." Ian's pale lips were drawn into a line. I was anxious, and I was anxious to glance at the clock.Time doesn't mean anything to me, but all of a sudden, I feel the panic of the end, "Is it too late to see him tonight? Are we going to disturb him?" "He sleeps irregularly. We can go and see him." I immediately pulled Jamie away, because Jamie's hand was still holding mine tightly.Thinking that time is passing by every minute and every second, and thinking that life is coming to an end and is about to end, I quicken my pace.But Ian's stride was big, and he quickly caught up. We walked through the garden under the full moon and passed many people, most of whom paid no attention to us.I hang out with Jamie and Ian a lot, and they're no surprise, but we're not going the usual way. There is only one exception, and that is Kyle.He saw his brother walking beside me, he stopped and stood there motionless.He catches a glimpse of Jamie taking my hand, and then his lips are all crooked, and he's about to growl. Ian noticed Kyle's reaction and straightened up - his mouth was the same as Kyle's - and deliberately took my hand.Kyle yelled like he was having a hard time, then turned his back on us. We walked down the long dark passage to the south, and I tried to shake off Ian's hand, but he held on tighter. "I hope you didn't make him angrier," I murmured. "Kyle is wrong, he is often wrong. He always takes longer than others to correct, but that doesn't mean we need to be considerate of him." "He scares me," I admitted quietly Ian and Jamie grabbed my hand at the same time. "I don't want to give him any more reason to hate me," they said at the same time. "Don't be afraid," Jamie said. "Jeb has made it very clear," said Ian. "What do you mean?" I asked Ian. "If Kyle doesn't accept Jeb's rules, then he's not welcome here." "But, that's not right, Kyle lives here." Ian snorted: "He's been living here so, he must know what to do." We walked a long way without speaking again.I feel guilty—seems like it's always going to be here.Guilt, fear and heartbreak, why am I like this? Because you belong here.Strange enough.Melanie whispered, she also felt the warmth of Ian and Jamie's hands, their hands and mine were pulled together, have you ever experienced this feeling in other places? No.Feeling more depressed, I admit, but that doesn't make me belong here in the same way that you belong here. Xiaoman, we are in the same boat. As if I had to remind me that I was a little surprised to hear her speak so clearly.For two days she had been quiet, waiting, anxious, hoping to see Jared again.Of course, so do I. Maybe he was with Walter, maybe he was there all along.Melanie thought hopefully. That's not why we went to see Walter. No.of course not.There was regret in her tone, but I knew Walter meant a lot more to me than she did.It was natural that she was sad that he was dying, but she had accepted the outcome from the beginning. As for me, even now I can't accept this reality.Walter was my friend, not hers, and he had defended me. As we approached the hospital step by step, we were greeted by dim blue lights. (I know now that these are solar lights, placed in a sunny corner during the day to charge.) Our steps were lighter, slower, without saying a word. I hate this room.In the dark, the faint lights cast strange shadows in the room, making people feel even more eerie.There was a new smell in the room - the room smelled of decay, alcohol and pungent post-vomit. There were people asleep on the two cots, and the doctor's feet were dangling beside the bed, and I could hear his shallow snoring.On another cot, Walter looked haggard as he watched us step by step. "Walter, are you up to greet the guests?" Walter looked at Ian, and Ian asked him in a low voice. "Yeah." Walter groaned.The muscles on his face were loose, his mouth was drooping, his skin was wet, and under the dim light, there was a little light shining. "What do you want?" I asked in a low voice.I pulled my hands away - my hands waved helplessly between Walter and me. His erratic eyes searched the darkness, and I took a step forward. "Is there anything we can do for you? Anything?" His eyes were still searching, and finally he saw my face.Suddenly, he forgot the drunken stupor and pain, and his eyes were fixed on me. "Finally," he gasped.He wheezed. "I know you'll come if I wait. Oh, Gladys, I have a lot to tell you."