Chapter 30 Chapter 28 Ignorance

When I woke up, my eyes were pitch black, and I couldn't tell the direction.Over the past few months, I have gotten used to waking up to the sun in the morning.At first I thought it was still night, but then, the tingling in my face and back reminded me of where I was. I heard light breathing beside me, which didn't scare me, because it was the sound I was most familiar with.I wasn't surprised that Jamie slipped back last night and slept next to me. Maybe it was the change in my breathing that woke him up, maybe we were in sync, and he took a soft breath a few seconds after I woke up.

"Xiaoman?" he whispered. "I'm here." He breathed a sigh of relief. "It's really dark in here," he said. "yes." "Do you think it's breakfast time?" "I have no idea." "I'm hungry, let's go and see." I didn't answer him. Although I hesitated, he understood what my silence meant. "You don't have to hide here, Man." He waited a moment for my answer, and then said seriously, "I spoke to Jared last night, and he won't target you again—he promised .” I laughed out loud, aimed at me.

"Are you coming with me?" Jamie asked eagerly as he groped for my hand. "Do you really want me to do this?" I asked under my breath. "Yes, everything will be the same as before." Mel?Is this the best option? I have no idea.Her heart is about to break.She knew she couldn't be objective herself, and she wanted to see Jared. You know, it's crazy. You'd be crazy enough to want to see him. "Okay, Jamie," I agreed, "but don't feel bad if things don't go the same way, okay? If things turn out badly anyway, just don't be surprised."

"It will be fine, just watch." I let him lead the way out of the dark cave, and his hand kept pulling me.We walked into the big garden and I was all set up, I'm not sure what the others will do to me today.Who knows what they were discussing when I fell asleep yesterday? But the garden was deserted, and the early morning sun was dazzling.The sun shone on hundreds of mirrors, and the reflected light made my eyes blur in an instant. Jamie didn't care why the cave was empty.He looked at my face, the sun was shining on my face, and he gasped. "Oh," he yelled, "are you all right? Does it hurt?"

I touched my face lightly, and the skin felt a little rough—the blood had clotted and formed a scab, and it hurt to the touch. "It's okay," I whispered, wary of the empty cave—I didn't want to say it too loudly, "where is everyone?" Jamie shrugged, eyes still fixed on my face. "I think they're all busy." He didn't lower his voice. It reminded me of last night, and of the secret he didn't want to tell me.I frowned. What do you think he's hiding from us? Xiao Man, I know it, and you know it too. You're human, don't you have an intuition or something?

intuition?My gut tells me we don't know this place the way we used to.Melanie said. We were all thinking that the sound meant nothing. We were relieved to hear the usual din from across the kitchen at mealtime.I didn't particularly want to see anyone—except, of course, a morbid desire to see Jared—but seeing how few people there were and, at the same time, knowing something I didn't, made me edgy. The kitchen was less than half as crowded as usual - a little odd at this time of the morning, but I didn't mind too much as the aroma from the stone oven made me forget about everything else.

"Whoa," exclaimed Jamie, "eggs!" Jamie pulled me faster and I followed him without resistance.Our stomachs growled, and we walked briskly to the table next to the oven.The child's mother, Lucina, stands with a plastic ladle in one hand.Breakfast is usually a buffet, but it's usually just hard buns. She just looked at Jamie when she spoke. "It would have tasted better an hour ago." "It's going to taste good now," Jamie responded enthusiastically. "Has everyone eaten?" "Basically, I think they took one plate to the doctor, and the rest" Lucina's voice trailed off, her eyes met mine for the first time, and Jamie looked at me too.I don't understand the look on Lucina's face—the look on her face for a moment, and then the look on her face tells me she must be wondering where I got the new scar on my face.

"How much is left?" Jamie asked.His voice was urgent, a little forced. Lucina turned, bent down, and with the lower end of her ladle dragged the iron pan out of the hot stone at the bottom of the stove. "How much do you want, Jamie? There's plenty more," she replied without turning. "Just pretend I'm Kyle," he said, laughing. "A breakfast as big as Kyle's," Lucina said, but when she smiled, her eyes were not happy. She served Jamie a large bowl of tender scrambled eggs, then stood up and handed it to Jamie. She gave me a look, and I understood the purpose of that look.

"Jamie, let's sit over there," I said, nudging him and getting out of here. His eyes widened in surprise: "Don't you want it?" "No, I" I wanted to say "very good" again, but my stomach growled in disobedience. "Xiaoman?" He looked at me, then at Lucina.Lucina was watching us with her arms folded. "I just want bread." I whispered, trying to drag him away. "No, Lucina, what's going on?" He looked at her expectantly.She didn't move, "If you're like that, I'll do it myself," he suggested, his eyes narrowed and his mouth tightened in determination.

Lucina shrugged, put the ladle on the stone table, and walked away slowly without looking at me again. "Jamie," I said anxiously, lowering my voice, "the food isn't for me. Jared and the others don't give me the food they risked their lives for for breakfast. The bread is fine. " "Don't be silly, Man," Jamie said, "you live here now, just like the rest of us. They don't mind if you do their laundry and bake their bread. Besides, eggs don't last long , if you don't eat them, the eggs will be thrown away too." I felt countless pairs of eyes staring closely behind me.

"Maybe that's a better option." I whispered, probably only Jamie could hear. "What the hell," Jamie muttered, jumped across the long table, filled another bowl of eggs, and pushed the bowl in front of me. "Eat this bowl clean." He said firmly. . I looked at this bowl of eggs and my mouth was watering.I push the bowl away a bit and cross my arms. Jamie frowned. "Okay," he said, pushing his bowl across the table as well, "if you don't eat, I won't either." His stomach growled loudly, and he folded his arms across his chest. We looked at each other for two long minutes, smelling the aroma of eggs, our stomachs growling with hunger.Jamie glanced at the egg every now and then out of the corner of his eye, and I surrendered—for the longing look in his eyes. "Okay." I said angrily.I pulled the bowl back to him, and took my share back.He waited for me to take the first bite before he would eat.Tasted the eggs and all my complaints disappeared.I know a cold scrambled egg isn't the best food I've ever eaten, but right now it's the best, and my body lives for this moment. Jamie felt the same way.So, he began to push the food into his mouth like a whirlwind, as if he didn't have time to take a breath.I watched him so he wouldn't choke. I ate more slowly, hoping I could convince him that while he was wolfing down my portion, I was eating my portion. It was only after our standoff had ended and my stomach had been satisfied that I noticed the atmosphere in the kitchen. I have been eating a boring breakfast for months, and I finally got excited by eating an egg. I thought it would be a happy feeling.However, I found that the atmosphere in the kitchen was dignified, and everyone was talking softly.Is this the reaction to last night's scene?I scanned the room, trying to figure out what was going on. People were looking at me, a few here, a few there, but they weren't the only ones with serious faces, they were talking in low voices, and the others just ignored me.Other than that, no one seemed angry, guilty, nervous, or in any other way I thought they would be. No, they were sad, and the look of desperation was written on everyone's face in the room. The last thing I noticed was Sharon, who was eating breakfast in a far corner, as silent as ever.She was very calm and mechanically ate her breakfast bite by bite. At first, I didn't notice the tears streaming down her face.Tears fell into the food, but she still ate her breakfast as if she didn't notice. "Did something happen to the doctor?" I whispered to Jamie, feeling suddenly terrified.I don't know if I'm being paranoid - maybe it's not about me at all.The sad atmosphere in the room seemed to be a mere human emotion and had nothing to do with me.Is this what everyone is busy doing?Is something wrong? Jamie looked at Sharon and sighed before answering me, "No, the doctor is fine." "And what about Aunt Meggie? Is she hurt?" He shook his head. "Where's Walter?" I asked again, but still very quietly.Though they all hated me once, I was anxious to think what misfortune might befall my friends. "I don't know, I believe, he's fine." Now I realize that Jamie, like everyone here, is sad. "What's the matter, Jamie? Why are you upset?" Jamie lowered his head, looked at the eggs in the bowl, deliberately chewed them slowly, and didn't answer me. He finished his breakfast without a word.I tried to give him the rest of my bowl, but Jamie gave me a glare, so I put the bowl back and obediently ate the rest of the eggs. We put the bowls in a large plastic basin and there were so many dirty bowls piled up that I took the basin off the table.I don't know what's going on in the cave today, but deep dish washing should be a foolproof job. Jamie walked with me, eyes wary, which I didn't like.I didn't want him to be my bodyguard in an emergency, but as we were walking along a large field, another of my regular bodyguards showed up, so that was out of the question for now. Ian's body was dirty, covered from head to toe with a layer of light brown soil, and the sweaty parts were darker.The brown marks on Ian's face still couldn't conceal his exhaustion.I wasn't surprised to see him down like everyone else, but the dust on his face made me a little curious, it wasn't the purple-black dirt from the cave.Ian was out this morning. "Here you are," he whispered when he saw us.His steps are fast, his legs are long, and his steps are fast, quickly shortening the distance with us.Walking in front of us, he didn't slow down, but grabbed my arm and pulled me forward quickly: "Let's hide here for a while." He dragged me into a narrow passage, and from here to the east was a field where the corn was about to ripen.He didn't pull me far away, but pulled me into a dark place where we couldn't be seen in the aisle, and I felt Jamie gently tug on my other arm. After half a minute, a low voice sounded from the big hole, and there was no joy in the voice—the voice sounded very serious, just like the expressions of people this morning, full of melancholy.The sound floated by, and it seemed to be very close to where we were hiding.Ian's hand gripped my arm so tightly his fingers dug into my flesh, and I recognized the voices of Jared and Kyle.Melanie tried to get out of my grip, but I held her firmly.We all want to see Jared's face.Ian stopped us, which is fine. "I don't know why we agreed to let him continue to try, this time it's over, it's over," Jared said. "He really thinks he can make it this time, he's so sure... oh, okay. If one day, he can understand, then it's all worth it." Kyle objected. "If." Jared snorted, "I think it would be nice to find that bottle of brandy. At the doctor's drinking rate, he'll be able to drink the whole case by evening." "He's going to be unconscious soon," Kyle said, his voice fading into the distance, "I hope Sharon will" Then I couldn't hear anything. Ian waited, for a while, until the sound died away completely, and it was several minutes before he let go of my arm. "Jared promised," Jamie whispered to him. "That's right, but Kyle didn't." Ian replied. They walked back to the light again, and I followed them slowly, not knowing how I felt now. Ian noticed for the first time what I was holding in my hand. "Don't hold the bowl now," he told me, "let them do the washing, let's go." I'm wondering why he's so dirty, but most likely like Jamie, he won't answer me.I turned and looked at the passage to the river, thinking. Ian yelped angrily. I looked back at him, terrified, and then, realized what was making him sad—he had just seen my face. He reached out as if to lift my chin, but I flinched and he let it go. I shook my head at him: "Ian, it's nothing." "I don't think so," he murmured, and then, he said to Jamie, "You should go to school, maybe I'll get things back to normal as soon as possible." Jamie muttered, "Sharon will be like a nightmare today." Ian grinned and smiled: "Son, it's time to sacrifice for the collective benefit, I won't envy you." Jamie sighed and kicked the dust under his feet: "Look at Xiao Man." "I will." Jamie walked away slowly, looking back at us from time to time, and finally disappeared into another passage. "Come on, give me those bowls." Ian said, and before I could respond, he pulled a large bowl over. "These bowls are not heavy," I told him. He grinned again and smiled: "You are dragging these bowls around while I stand empty-handed. I feel a little silly, but you are very brave. Come on—let's find a remote place to rest, Leave when there is no one else." His words disturbed me, and I followed him silently.Why should the word "brave" be applied to me? He walked straight in the direction of the cornfield, then entered the cornfield, weaving along the furrows among the stalks.I walked behind him, and he stopped in the middle of the field, put the bowl aside, and lay down on the ground. "Okay, it's remote enough here." I said, sitting next to him with my legs crossed, "but don't we want to work?" "You've worked very hard, Xiaoman, only you haven't rested all day." "Working keeps me busy," I whispered. "Everyone is off today, so you too." I looked at him curiously.The light from several mirrors penetrated the corn stalks and projected on him, intersecting with each other, like the patterns on a zebra's body, one by one.Through the shadows and the dust all over his face, his pale face still showed a tired expression. "It looks like you've done your job." His eyes narrowed: "But, I'm resting now." "Jamie isn't going to tell me what happened," I whispered. "No, I'm not going to tell you either." He sighed, "Actually, there's nothing you want to know." My eyes were on the ground, on the purple-black and brown dirt, and my stomach was churning.I can't think of anything worse than not knowing what's going on, but maybe I'm just lacking imagination. "It's really unfair," Ian said after a moment of silence, "I'm going to answer your question, but do you mind if I ask you a question?" I would like to have something to distract me: "Speak." He didn't ask right away.I looked up, wondering why he hesitated to ask.He lowered his eyes and looked at the dirt marks on the back of his hand. "I know you won't lie, and now I do," he said softly, "whatever your answer is, I will believe you." I waited a while longer while he continued to look at the mud marks on his hands. "I didn't believe what Jeb said before, but he and the doctor are sure about Man?" He looked at me and asked, "Is she still with you? The girl you took her body from?" It's no longer my secret—Jamie and Jeb both know it, and it's not a secret anymore.Anyway, I'm sure Ian won't be spreading the word about it to anyone who wants to kill me. "Yes," I told him, "Melanie's still here." He nodded slowly: "What's the situation? For you? For her?" "It was a frustrating feeling, for both of us. At first, I tried everything in my power to make her disappear in a normal way, but now, I'm used to her existence." I smiled wryly "Sometimes it's nice to have a partner, but it's harder for her. In many ways, she's like a prisoner in my head. But she'd rather be imprisoned than I don’t want to just disappear.” "I don't know, there are options." "In the beginning there was no choice. It wasn't until humans found out what was happening that the resistance started. It seemed like that was the key — knowing what was going to happen, and people who were suddenly attacked wouldn't fight back." "So what happens if I get caught?" I read the look of anger on his face—a fire was burning in his bright eyes. "I doubt you will disappear, but, things have changed. Now, they catch adults and don't use them as hosts, because there are too many problems." I smiled again, "Some problems, just For example, my heart is too soft, I will sympathize with my host and lose my direction" He thought for a long time and asked, looking at my face from time to time, then at the corn stalks, or his eyes were blank. "So what are they going to do with me if they catch me now?" he finally asked. "I think they'd still let spirits into you for information, or maybe they'd let hunters into you." He shrugged. "But they won't host you. Whether they find information or not, you'll be discarded." That's a hard word to say.Thinking about it makes me sad.Strange - usually human things make me sad, but I've never looked at things from a physical perspective before.On other planets, I never felt this had to be done.When the body is not working properly, it is disposed of immediately and mercilessly, because the body is like a car that cannot drive, it is useless.So what's the point of keeping it?In addition, the state of mind will also make the body useless: there are dangerous tendencies in the mind, bad wishes, and the ideology cannot be improved, which will bring danger to others; of course, or the will of the body is too strong and cannot be eliminated , and there are aliens on this planet, such bodies are not usable. I looked into Ian's eyes, and never before did I see clearly how despicable it is to treat an unconquerable soul in such an ugly way. "What if they catch you?" he asked. "If they know who I am and if anyone is still looking for me" I thought of my hunter, and I shrugged like Ian, "they'd take me out and put me in another host, a young , easily tamed host, they will want me to be myself again. Perhaps, they will transport me beyond this earth—to free me from adverse influences." "Will you be yourself again?" I met his eyes: "I am who I am, and I didn't surrender to Melanie. Even as a bear or a flower, I would be the same as I am now." "Will they abandon you?" "They don't abandon their souls. We have no death penalty, no punishment, really, whatever they do is to save me. I used to think that other methods were unnecessary, but now I've proven myself wrong. Perhaps it was the right choice to abandon me. I am a traitor, am I not?" Ian pouted: "I think you should be an exile. You didn't betray them, you just left their group." We were quiet for a while, and I believed he was telling the truth.I'm going to think about the word exile and try to convince myself that I'm just an exile. Ian sighed so loudly that I jumped up: "When the doctor wakes up. We'll let him see your face." He reached out and stroked my chin, this time I didn't shrink back.He turned my head the other way and checked my injuries. "No big deal, I believe it looks more serious than it really is." "I hope so—the injury doesn't look bad." He sighed, then stretched. "I think we've been hiding long enough. Kyle should be washed and asleep. Help. Do the dishes?" Instead of letting me wash dishes in the creek as I usually do, Ian insisted on going to the dark bathroom where I wouldn't be found.I do the dishes in the shallow end of the dark pool while Ian washes away the grime of mysterious labour.Afterwards, he helped me finish the rest of the dirty dishes. After washing the dishes, he walks me back to the kitchen, which is starting to fill up with people coming for lunch.More perishables have been added to the menu: slices of fluffy white bread, sliced ​​cheddar cheese, bolognese skewers.People are enjoying the delicious food with relish, but their shoulders are drooping weakly, there is no smile or laugh on their faces, and the atmosphere of despair is still visible. Jamie was waiting for us at our usual table.There were two double sandwiches in front of him, but he didn't take a bite.His arms were folded, and he was waiting for me.Ian looked at his expression curiously, but still didn't ask anything, and went to get his own food. I looked at Jamie's stubborn expression and took a bite of the sandwich.As soon as I started chewing the food in my mouth, Jamie started eating his own.Ian was back in no time, and we ate our lunch without a word.The sandwiches were so good, it's hard to imagine another reason to stop and chat - or something else to stop and enjoy our delicious meal. After eating two, I stopped, but Jamie and Ian ate until they groaned in pain.Ian looked like he was dying, and he tried to open his eyes. "Go back to school, kid," he said to Jamie. Jamie looks at him: "Maybe I should take care of it" "Go to school." I said to him immediately.Today I want Jamie to stay away from me and stay in a safe place. "See you later, okay? Don't worry." "Don't worry about anything." "Okay." A one-word lie doesn't seem to be so easy to see through, or it's just a sarcasm. As soon as Jamie walks away, I turn to a drowsy Ian: "Go and rest for a while. I'm fine - I'll be somewhere nobody's looking. Like, in the middle of a cornfield or something. " "Where did you sleep last night?" he asked.His eyelids were half-drawn, but his gaze was extremely sharp. "Why do you ask?" "Now I can sleep there and you won't be so noticeable next to me." We spoke in such low voices, almost whispers, that no one noticed us. "You can't look at me every second." "Why not?" I shrugged my shoulders and gave up the idea of ​​persuading him: "I returned to that cave, where I was imprisoned in the first place." Ian frowned, he didn't like it there, but he got up anyway, and led the way back to the food storage aisle.The main square was busy again, and the garden was full of people, all with solemn expressions, their eyes only on their own feet. "Ian, does it make sense to do this? Does it mean that the longer I live, the more I will hurt Jamie? In the end, it will be even worse for him, if" "Don't think so, Xiaoman. We are not animals, and you don't have to die." "I don't regard humans as animals." I said softly. "Thank you, but I don't think it's an accusation. Even if you think so, I don't blame you." That's where our conversation ends.Just then, we all saw a pale blue light looming around the next corner of the passage. "Shh," Ian whispered, "wait here." He tapped me lightly on the shoulder, signaling me to stay where I am.Then, he strode forward without intentionally taking light steps, and then disappeared into the passage. "Jered?" I heard him say, pretending to be surprised. My heart sank, and it felt more heartache than fear. "I know it's with you," Jared replied, raising his voice so anyone from here to the main square could hear, "Come out, wherever you are, come out!" he yelled , the voice sounded very harsh and somewhat mocking.