Chapter 26 Chapter 24 Tolerance

Yes, I do smell that bad. I have forgotten how many days I have been here - more than a week?Still more than two weeks? — these days I have been wearing the same dress I wore on my treks in the desert, and the sweat drenches the dress again and again.The salt in my sweat seeped into my cotton shirt, seeping into every tiny crease of my shirt.The shirt used to be pale yellow, but now it was a deep purple, the same color as the ground in the hole, and it was covered with ugly spots.My short hair was full of sand and rustling, and I could feel it all matted and matted, with a hard knot on top of my head like a parrot's crown.I haven't been looking at my face lately, but I can imagine two purples on my face: one from the purple soil in the hole, and the other from the purple bruising that's getting better.

So, I see what Jeb means - indeed, I need a good wash.I have to change clothes, otherwise it will be like washing for nothing.My clothes were going to dry, so Jeb gave me some of Jamie's, but I didn't want to ruin what little Jamie had because I wore them.Thank goodness he didn't give me Jared's stuff.In the end, I grabbed Jeb's clean but worn flannel shirt, the sleeves were a little unthreaded, and a pair of faded sweatpants that had been cut short because of the holes.For months, the trousers had been ignored.With these clothes casually slung over my arms - besides, I was holding a bar of what Jeb called homemade cactus soap, a rather large soap with a pitted surface and an unflattering taste - and I followed Jeb to A room next to two rivers.

This time too, there were more than two of us in the room.Again, I am disappointed and saddened to see this happening.Three men and a woman—the one with the gray hair and braids—were filling buckets with water from the smaller river.The sound of laughter and splashing water came from the bathroom, the sound was very loud. "It's going to be a while before it's our turn," Jeb told me. He leans against the wall.I stood beside him motionless, and although my gaze remained on the hot spring emerging from the ground, I still felt that four pairs of eyes were staring at me, which made me uncomfortable.

After a while, three women came out of the shower, dripping from their hair and soaking the back of their shirts—one of them was the athlete-looking woman with caramel-skinned skin, the other was a young blond woman, I don't know. I remember I met her before, and the other was Melanie's cousin Sharon.Their laughter stopped abruptly when they saw me. "Good afternoon, ladies," Jeb greeted, touching his forehead as if he were touching the brim of his hat. "Jeb." The caramel-skinned woman replied stiffly. Sharon and the other girl pretended not to see us. "Okay, Man," Jeb said when they were gone, "it's your turn."

I gave him a sad look, then walked cautiously into the dark room. I'm trying to think of the terrain - I'm sure I'm only a few feet from the water's edge.I took my shoes off first so my toes could feel the water. It was so dark in here, and I remember how dark the pool was—the surface was opaque, and so I had all sorts of guesses about what was lurking beneath the surface—and I shivered, but the longer I waited, the more I felt. The longer I'm here, the longer I'm here, so I put my clean clothes next to my shoes and cautiously grope to the edge of the pool with the foul-smelling soap in hand.

Compared with the hot and humid weather outside the cave, the water here is very cool and feels very comfortable.It didn't lessen my fears, but I still enjoyed the feeling, and I haven't felt so cool in a long time.Still wearing dirty clothes, I walked slowly towards the water until the water was up to my waist.I can feel the stream gliding over my ankles and over the rocks, and it's a good thing the river flows—otherwise, I'd be dirty and dirty the river, and I'd be sad. I slowly squatted down in the water until the part below the shoulders was completely submerged in the water.I wiped the clothes down with the harsh soap, thinking that this might be the most convenient way to wash them, and the soap hurts a little on the skin.

I took off the soapy clothes and rubbed them vigorously under the water and washed them over and over again until there was no smell of sweat and no trace of tears, then I wrung the clothes and I put the clothes on the floor, I think it should be in the shoes beside. The soap hurts, but since I can wash off after soaping, the pain is bearable.I was covered in foam, every inch of my skin was tingling, and my scalp felt like it had been burned.It seemed that the wounded parts were more sensitive than the rest of the body - those wounds must still be there.I happily put the soap back on the floor and washed my body with water over and over again like washing my clothes.

Oddly enough, I felt both incredibly relieved and a little bit regretful.With this feeling, I staggered out of the pool.The water is very comfortable, and it is also very comfortable to wash, but the skin is tingling.But, I've had enough of the darkness, enough of the fantasies in the darkness.I groped to find my clothes and put them on quickly, the water on my feet got into the shoes before they were dry.I held the wet clothes in one hand and carefully tucked in the soap with the other. Jeb laughed as I walked out, his eyes resting on the soap I was carefully holding. "It hurts, isn't it? We're trying to work that out." He held out his hand, which rested on the corner of his shirt, and I put the soap on it.

I didn't answer his question, because it wasn't just the two of us, there was a line of people behind him who didn't say a word—five people, all of them came back from the field. Ian was first in line. "You look better," he told me, but I couldn't tell from his tone whether he was surprised or annoyed that I was taking a shower. He raised his arm, and Bai Zhe's slender fingers stretched towards my neck.I hurried out of the way, so he quickly put his hand down. "I'm sorry," he whispered. Why is he apologizing, for scaring me now, or for touching my neck in the first place?I can't imagine him apologizing for killing me.He must still want me dead, but I won't ask.

I went, Jeb followed me. "So, not a bad day," Jeb said as we walked down a dark hallway. "Not bad." I murmured.After all, I haven't been killed yet, which is always good. "Tomorrow will be better," he assured me. "I've always loved planting—appreciating the miracle of a tiny seed that seems dead but contains a huge life force. It makes me feel, It seems that an old man who is dying is still full of endless life force, even if it becomes fertilizer in the end, it will be good." Jeb laughed because of his own joke. When we got to the big garden, Jeb took my arm and walked east instead of west.

"Don't tell me you're not hungry after all this work," he said. "It's not my responsibility to provide room service. You go to eat where everyone eats together." I looked at the ground in pain, but let him lead me towards the kitchen. Good thing the food was the same as usual, because in case the tenderloin or Cheetos miraculously show up, I can't eat anything.I concentrate all my attention on swallowing my food - because of my presence, the place has become deathly silent, and I hate making even the slightest noise in such an atmosphere.The kitchen wasn't crowded, just ten people leaning on their chairs, eating hard buns and drinking bland soup, but once again I stopped all conversation.I don't know how long it went on like this. The answer is four full days. Likewise, it took four days for me to understand what Jeb was doing and why he had changed from a well-mannered master to a curmudgeon overseer. The day after the soil was dug, I sowed and watered the same field.This group of people is different from the group yesterday, and I can imagine that the work here is done in rotation.Meggie was in this group too, and the caramel-skinned woman, but I don't know her name.Most of the time, everyone worked in silence, and the silence felt unnatural—it felt like a protest of my presence. Ian was a little uneasy that he was working with us when it wasn't his turn. I have to eat in the kitchen again.Jamie was there too, and with him there was no silence in the kitchen.I knew he was sensitive enough to ignore the awkward silence in the kitchen, pretending it was just Jeb, me, and him.He kept talking about what happened in Sharon's class today, because he had a little trouble saying something he shouldn't have said in class. He complained that Sharon gave him some tasks to punish him, and Jeb also pretended Criticized him a bit.They did a great job and acted so naturally that I had no acting ability.Jamie asked me how my day was, and all I could do was stare at my food and mutter a few times, one word at a time, as an answer.It seemed to make him a little sad, but he didn't push me. It was a different story at night - he kept me talking until finally I begged him to put me to bed.Jamie went back to his room, where he slept on Jared's side and insisted that I sleep on his side.This is almost exactly the same as Melanie's previous memories, and she also agreed to such an arrangement. Jeb also agreed: "This will save me from going to the bodyguard again, and put the gun close to me. Don't forget to have a gun." Jeb said to Jamie. I protested again, but the two didn't listen to me at all.So Jamie put the gun on the other side of his body and I slept on his side.I was very disturbed, and the nightmares I had at night were all related to this gun. On the third day, I came to the kitchen to work.Jeb taught me how to knead dough, how to shape dough, how to let dough rise, and after a while he taught me how to stoke a fire in the bottom of a huge stone oven, when it was very dark To put out the fire. Around three o'clock in the afternoon, Jeb left. "I'll get some more flour," he murmured, playing with his belt and the gun in his waist. The three women kneading the dough beside us remained silent and did not look up at Jeb.I was sticky up to my elbows, but I shook it off my hands immediately and wanted to go out with Jeb. Jeb grinned, glanced quickly at the three women who didn't look at us, shook his head at me, then turned around, and before I had time to clean the dough from my hands, he had rushed out of the room . I froze there, unable to breathe.I stared at them—a blonde girl coming out of the bathroom, another, a woman with gray hair and pigtails, and a mother with drooping eyelids—and I waited for them to realize that it was time to kill me. good time.Jeb wasn't there, the gun wasn't there, and my hands were stuck in the sticky dough—nothing could stop them. But these women are still kneading and kneading dough, seemingly unaware of this terrible fact.Although it was a long time, the suffocating moment finally passed, and I started kneading dough again.It might be quicker to just stand there and remind them that they can kill me right now than if I keep working. Jeb is gone forever.Perhaps he had meant that he had to go and mill more flour, and that seemed the only reason why he had been absent. "You've been around long enough," the woman with the gray hair and braids said to Jeb when he came back, so I know I'm not the only one who thinks he's been away for a long time. Jeb dropped the big sack of flour on the ground with a loud thud. "This sack of flour is heavy, Trudy, try to carry this sack of flour." Trudy snorted: "I think you must have rested many times after carrying this journey." Jeb grinned, "Of course." My heart had been beating just like the bird's heart, but now the rhythm of the heartbeat is not so frantic. The next day, we went to the room with rice fields to clean the mirror.Jeb told me that they come here regularly to clean the mirrors because moisture and dust can make the mirrors dusty, so the light reflected in the mirrors will be dim and not provide enough light for the plants to grow.It was Ian again, still working with us, climbing up the rickety wooden ladder while Jeb and I were below to help him stabilize it.Because Ian is very heavy, the self-made ladder is very poorly balanced, so it is not easy to hold it steady.By the end of the day, my arms were sore and sore. It wasn't until we finished our work and headed to the kitchen that Jeb didn't have a gun in the holster he always carried with him. I panted loudly, like a frightened pony, my legs froze and my staggering steps stopped. "What's up, Man?" Jeb asked me, bewildered. I would have answered if Ian hadn't been around, watching my strange behavior with interest in his vibrant blue eyes. So, I just looked at Jeb wide-eyed, distrustful and reproachful, shook my head, and Fork started walking slowly beside him.Jeb smiled slightly. "What's wrong?" Ian asked Jeb in a low voice, as if not to let me hear. "I don't know." Jeb replied, he lied like only a human could, with a peaceful, innocent face. He can really lie.I began to wonder if he dropped the gun today, left me alone yesterday, forced me to be with other people, if he wanted to kill me, but didn't want to do it himself.And what about the friendships I remember?Is it also a lie? This is my fourth day eating in the kitchen. Jeb, Ian, and I walked into the long, stuffy room—a group of people chatting in low voices about the day's events—and nothing happened. Nothing happened. There was no sudden silence, no one stopped to point a knife at me, no one seemed to notice us. Jeb led me to an empty table and brought enough bread for three.Ian sat next to me, lounging against the table, casually turning to the girl on his other side, the blonde girl—Ian called her Paige. "How are you? After Andy left, how did you persevere?" Ian asked the girl. "If I'm not so worried, I'm fine." The girl bit her lip and answered Ian's question. "He'll be back soon," Ian reassured her. "Jared always brings everyone home, he has this genius ability. We haven't met anyone since he showed up." No accidents, nothing wrong, Andy will be fine." Ian mentioned Jared, and I got interested—and Melanie, who had been hypnotized these days, was now—but Ian didn't say anything else.He just patted Paige on the shoulder and turned to take the food from Jeb. Jeb sat next to me and looked around the room with a look of satisfaction on his face.I also looked around to see what he was looking at.Usually I'm not here, the room must have this atmosphere.Only today, I don't seem to bother them.They must no longer want to disturb their lives because of me. "Things are calming down." Ian offered his opinion to Jeb. "They know what they have to do, people here are rational." I frowned secretly. "That's right, right now," Ian said with a laugh, "my brother isn't here." "You're right," Jeb agreed. I find it interesting that Ian also counts himself as a rational kind of person.Did he notice that Jeb wasn't carrying a gun?I'm really curious, but I can't risk pointing it out in case Ian really doesn't notice. The meal is still eating as it was at the beginning, and my curiosity has obviously receded. After dinner, Jeb said I should take a break.He walked me all the way to the door of the room, being a gentleman again. "Good afternoon, Xiaoman." He said, and touched his imaginary top hat with his finger. I took a deep breath and summoned up my courage, "Jeb, wait a minute." "What's up?" "Jeb," I hesitated, trying to find a polite way to say it, "I'm okay, maybe that's a bit silly to think about, but I guess we're friends." I watched his face carefully, not missing any detail, to see if he was lying to me.He seems nice, but how do I know what a liar will say? "Of course we're friends, Xiaoman." "Then why did you kill me?" He frowned, very surprised: "Honey, why do you have such an idea now?" I laid out the facts: "You didn't have a gun today, and you left me alone in the kitchen yesterday." Jeb laughed. "I thought you hated that gun." I'm waiting for his answer. "Xiao Man, if I want you to die, you can't survive the first day." "I know," I murmured, beginning to feel a little embarrassed, but not sure why, "so this all confuses me." Jeb laughed out loud, "Man, I'm not going to kill you! Boy, that's the point. I've been trying to get them used to seeing you coming in and out of here, let them accept that it's like boiling a frog .” Hearing this strange metaphor, I was a little at a loss. Jeb explained: "If you drop a frog into boiling hot water, the frog will jump out immediately, but if you put the frog in lukewarm water first and heat it up slowly, the frog won't figure out what's going on until later. The result is that the frogs are cooked and just a slow fire attack." I thought about it for a second—I remembered how those people reacted to me at lunch today, thinking I didn't exist.With Jeb's efforts, they've gotten used to my presence.Knowing this, I feel hopeful, which is somewhat strange.Hope is such a stupid word for my current situation, but hope seeps into my heart and makes my heart brighter than before. "Jeb?" "What's wrong?" "Am I the frog or the pot of water?" He laughed, "Leave that to you. Self-examination is good for the soul." He turned and walked away, laughing again, this time louder than before. "No puns in it." "Wait, can I ask another question?" "Of course, after all, I have asked you questions, so of course you can ask me questions too." "Jeb, why are you my friend?" He pouted and paused for a second, considering how to answer me. "You know, I'm very curious," he began to answer me, and I nodded. "Well, I've observed many souls, but I've never talked to them. I have many, many questions I want to ask, and these The problems piled up. Also, I always believed that if a person really wanted to be friends with someone, he could be friends with anyone. I like to prove my theory. Look, here you are, you are also me One of the kindest people I've ever had. It's really fun to have a soul as a friend, and it makes me feel incredibly unusual for it." He winked at me, bowed, and left. Just because I now know Jeb's plan, it doesn't make things any easier for him to push his plan further. He has never carried a gun since then.I don't know where the gun is, but at least Jamie doesn't have to sleep with it anymore, so I'm grateful for him.With Jamie, we don't have much protection anymore, which makes me a little nervous, but I'm sure Jamie is less dangerous without the gun.He is not dangerous, no one will hurt him.Plus, no one comes to me anymore. Jeb started making me do some errands.When he's hungry, let me run into the kitchen and get him a bun.Somewhere in the field was dry and he told me to fetch a pail of water.He asked me to pull Jamie out of class, saying that Jeb had to talk to him.Did the spinach sprout?go and see.Do I remember how to get to the cave to the south?Jeb has a message for the doctor. Every time I have to complete these simple instructions, I break out in a cold sweat with fear.I try to avoid attracting attention, walking as fast as I can instead of running through large rooms and dark passages.I leaned against the wall as much as I could, lowering my eyes.Sometimes, as in the past, people interrupt each other's conversations because I pass by, but most of the time, they don't notice me.Only once did I really feel the danger of death.That time, I interrupted Sharon's class to find Jamie.Sharon looked at me as if she was going to attack me next, but after I struggled to make my request in a small voice, she nodded and agreed that Jamie would come with me.When it was just Jamie and I, Jamie took my trembling hand and reassured me that she would give Sharon the same look when anyone interrupted her class. The worst was when I went to the doctor and Ian insisted on showing me the way.I could have said no, I thought, but Jeb thought it was okay, which means Jeb believed Ian wouldn't kill me.I am very reluctant to test that theory, but such a test seems inevitable.If Jeb believed Ian wrongly, then Ian would soon find a chance to strike, so I followed Ian through the narrow and dark passage in the south, which seemed like a test of life and death. The first half was done without a hitch, and the doctor got the message, and he didn't seem at all surprised to see Ian come with me.Maybe it's my own imagination, but think they exchanged meaningful glances. I thought they were going to tie me up and put me on the doctor's operating table.I still feel nauseous when I'm in these rooms. But the doctor just thanked me and sent me out, he seemed busy.I'm not sure what he's doing - there are books spread out, piles of papers, but there doesn't seem to be anything on them, just some sketches. On the way back, curiosity outweighed fear. "Ian?" I asked, still having trouble saying the name for the first time. "What's wrong?" It sounded like he was surprised I'd talk to him. "Why haven't you killed me yet?" He snorted, "That's too direct." "You know, you could kill me. Jeb might be mad, but I don't think he's going to kill you." My words came out, what am I saying?It sounded like I was convincing him to kill me. "I know." He said, a little smugly in his tone. For a while, the aisle was very quiet, only the sound of our footsteps echoed in the aisle, which was very low. "It doesn't seem fair," Ian said at last. "I've been thinking about it. I don't see how killing you can put things back on track. It's like killing a general for a war crime." One of his soldiers killed one. Now, I don't buy Jeb's madman theory - of course, it's good to believe, but hope often fails. Whether he's right or wrong, you don't seem to be hurting us ...I must admit that you really like Jamie, which seems a little strange. Anyway, as long as you don't bring us any danger, it seems that killing you is very cruel, and here is another unsuitable person. how is it?" Unsuitable person, I have thought about this word for a long time.This is perhaps the most apt description of me I have ever heard. Where have I adapted before? It's strange that Ian and the others have such tender feelings in their hearts, I didn't expect him to have an aversion to cruelty. While I was thinking about all this, Ian waited in silence. "If you don't want to kill me, then why did you come with me today?" I asked him. He paused again before answering my question. "I'm not sure" he hesitated, "Jeb says it's slowing down, but I don't believe it. There will still be some people. Anyway, the doctor and I are trying to keep an eye on you, just in case. Let you go The south passage was a bit of a hit and miss for me, but here's where Jeb did the best job—he took a huge risk." "You and the doctor want to protect me?" "The world is so strange, isn't it?" After a pause of several seconds, I spoke. "Strangest world." I eventually agree with this statement.