Chapter 21 Pierre

Jill is my light.thought Pierre. Whenever he thought of this sentence, he felt a subtle sense of despair.He and Jier were the same age, and they attended classes together, did experiments in one group, and participated in field trips together.He knew Jill like he knew his flowers.She is the brightest light, and he silently hides behind her.She's joyful, full of life, the antithesis of himself.She was always forthright and courageous, and that was what he liked best about her.He doesn't have these himself, so he likes to watch her, to see her laugh, to see her stomp her feet.If I could stand in the dark and watch her all the time, if I could do something to make her laugh, if I could hear her crisp voice, that would be so wonderful.

Pierre looked at Jill silently.She and Lu Di walked in front of him, talking and laughing while visiting.Pierre felt a tight oppression in his heart.He is not a dull man.When Lu Di walked into his studio with Jill, he guessed what Lu Di meant.But he remained silent without saying a word, neither commenting nor expressing his position. From the studio to the manufacturing room, he refused to give any opinions. From the beginning to the end, Lu Di and Jill were always talking. "Pierre has a lot of works." Lu Di said to Jill while looking back at Pierre. "That's right," Ji'er raised her eyebrows and smiled, "He has been a good student in our class since he was a child. He can solve math problems that we can't even figure out.

Lu Di said calmly again: "In our new plan this time, Pierre's reflective film takes a very heavy weight." "What is reflective film?" "It's something like a mirror, but it's very light and thin, it can be made very large, it's flexible and curved, and it can arrange circuits, and its orientation and shape can be adjusted. We hang it in space to reflect sunlight. .” "Oh," said Jill, half understanding. "Don't underestimate this kind of membrane." Lu Di glanced at Pierre again, and said with interest and patience, "it is very important. With it, we can keep the lake warm at any time, even in the At night, it can also use two reflections to bring sunlight and keep the water from freezing. During the day, it can point in a specific direction, causing localized uneven heating and cooling of the air."

"And then?" Jill tried to look like she was listening carefully. Lu Di looked at her with a smile and said, "Then we can have running water, clouds, rain, and forests." "Ah! As seen in the simulation!" "Yes. And the city on the hill. Do you like it?" Jill nodded vigorously: "I like it, I liked it so much yesterday!" Pierre did not speak, but kept looking at Jill. She was still the same as usual, straight and lively, her emotions were written on her face, and when she smiled, she raised her chin like a doll.He just likes to see her like this, very absorbed in speaking, unaware of her surroundings, bursting out whimsical surprises anytime and anywhere, but has no idea what she is talking about.She had no idea what she was talking about.It makes her look very cute.Pierre looked at the way she looked at Lu Di, and the depression in his heart turned into stinging pain. He felt that he should be angry, but for some reason, the self-harming despair had a special attraction, which made him addicted to it and did not want to act.

He didn't want himself to be like this, sighed in his heart, and interrupted Lu Di. "I've tried," he said, "but I'm still not sure. As I said the other day, your request is too large." Lu Di looked at him calmly and said, "It's okay, we still have a lot of time. Even if you declare first this time, you can continue the experiment after passing." Pierre turned to face the vacuum chamber.The busy mechanical arms in the manufacturing room hummed softly.The vacuum chamber is like a thick small castle, with thick cylindrical walls and small transparent circular windows.They saw that the electromagnetic field controls the flexible manipulator, stretching a clean and smooth film, the flame near the spray gun, and the multi-layer molecules are finely matched and densely arranged, making the contradiction between thinness and opacity invisible.

Lu Di looked at him from the side, and asked cautiously: "Now it is in a gravity environment. If it is directly processed in the space laboratory, it should be able to make it bigger, right?" Jill leaned over curiously, her face pressed against the small window, her hands cupped around her eyes, her hips pouted.She combed her hair high today, with a few strands of curly hair hanging on both sides of her cheeks, revealing a wide forehead, and you can see her eyebrows fluttering up and down when she speaks.Pierre looked at her, but she did not notice.He thought quietly, she is so beautiful today, she has never been so beautiful.It would be better if it was a little less demure, she shouldn't suppress her smile at all, her eyes are beautiful, filled with silly innocence, she doesn't know herself, she is a bright light.

He turned to Ludy. "Gravity is not the biggest problem, the problem is... the area is too large, and the lattice structure will be disordered." But he added, "However... the possibility of increasing the vein skeleton is not ruled out, but it still needs to be calculated." He spoke objectively, without exaggeration or reservation.Films are his kin, and he knows them as well as his own body.He lives in their arms.They tenderly accept his extension.If he says they can expand, they can, and if he says they can't, they must not.He was still sure of that.No one in all of Mars knew them as well as he did.He looked at the shiny and smooth surface in the vacuum chamber, and there was a hidden warmth in his heart.This kind of warmth combined with the warmth for Jill made him feel more and more hopeless.He felt that maybe nothing would be his in the end, neither his film nor Jill.None of his obsessions will belong to him.

He knew Lu Di's intentions, but he didn't want to involve Jill.He could see that Jill didn't know anything, and it made him sad. When the three of them walked out of the workshop, Pierre asked Jill to get coffee, Jill happily ran away, Pierre and Rudy stood in the corridor. "You shouldn't have brought her here," he said. Lu Di smiled and said, "I really hope to get your help." Pierre, looking at his relaxed face, answered with silence. "Maybe I shouldn't," Ludy said. "But I just talked to Jill on the road, and she really likes the valley plan. I kid you not."

"I believe." "three days left……" "Do you want me to defend?" "Jill will sit in the audience looking at you expectantly." "It has nothing to do with her," Pierre said. "It doesn't matter to her whether I support it or not." Lu Di stared at him, slowly suppressed his smile, and said solemnly: "Okay, then I won't say more. But please think carefully again, we really need you." Pierre said nothing.Jill had already waddled back with three cups of coffee and two trays of small meals, greeting them from afar.They never talked about it again, and Ludy never mentioned it to Jill.

Pierre didn't say anything, and calmly sent the two of them out.Jill waved to him at the door and followed Lu Di away.Pierre could see her looking up and smiling at Lu Di, and his heart ached.He never knew he could be so easily touched. ※※※ Pierre tidied up the laboratory gloomyly, strode away, and got into the car bound for the hospital. He thought about Jill on the way.He's not yet nineteen and doesn't know how to get along with a girl.He likes Jill, but he just likes to look at her self-satisfied smile in silence, far away.He never tried to touch her, except for a group outing. Jill wore a thin skirt, wrapped her round body, sweated on her forehead, and was panting to wipe her. He had an urge to hug her, and the rest was Not once.Even that time, his impulse only stayed in his mind and he didn't put it into action.He didn't think of her as his girlfriend, and he hated hearing other boys discuss techniques for seducing girls.She is his light, and he doesn't want to desecrate.He wants his decision to be his own and has nothing to do with her.

Pierre went straight from the studio to the hospital every day.Grandpa was still in a coma and was on life support, so he stayed with him in the ward, sitting next to him and reading a book.There was little he needed to do, but he had nowhere else to go.Grandpa is his only family member. If grandpa is not around, the house will be empty. Pierre has few friends and few activities.He doesn't like to be around people and gets nervous going to events.He likes the pure beauty of mathematics, and dislikes the depravity and vulgarity of people.Rather than partying, he would rather deduce Riemannian geometry alone in the hospital. He sat by his grandfather's bed and checked the readings as usual.everything is normal.A series of delicate small screens form a semicircle around the pillow, and more instruments and screens are connected to the headboard behind the bed. He put his hands on the seat and looked at his grandfather's old face.Grandpa, he said in his mind, it's time to make a decision.All their river insulation solutions have serious problems, but mine is the most promising.They proposed electric storage heating, artificial sun are energy-consuming and extravagant, they also thought of the reflection of solar panels, but no one's material is as thin and strong as mine.Grandpa, if I say no, then the river pie will win, we won't move, and the white ice will surround our city, mirrored with the glass house forever.Do you think this is good? The old man on the bed did not move, but Pierre felt his eyes roll under their lids.He knew it was his own illusion, but he would rather believe in the reality of the illusion. He comes to talk to grandpa every day, and he usually doesn't say those words to others.He finds it strange that he talks more to Grandpa now than when Grandpa was sober. I think I've made up my mind, grandpa, will you agree with this decision? Grandpa, he went on, they won't understand.I can already think of all kinds of responses, yes, I can think of.But they don't really understand.They use what they have created so well that they take it for granted and don't bother to figure it out.Thinking is lazy, only prejudice is hardworking.Our house is our pride, everyone knows this, but how many people really understand it.Nobody understands. While talking, he covered Grandpa with the quilt again, as if Grandpa would shake the quilt off.Subconsciously, he felt that Grandpa was still that irritable and dignified old man, standing upright, busy among thousands of people, never resting for a moment. Who knows the beauty of sand and soil.People only know crystal clear and smooth curves, as if a house is only built for crystal clear and smooth.They don't know the true beauty of materials, that the walls are composite glass, the panels are amorphous silicon, the coatings on the walls are metal and silicon oxide semiconductors, the oxygen in the room is a by-product of silicate decomposition, everything, All come from the sand.Our house grows out of the sand, like a flower out of the desert.Who can understand these, who can understand that crystal and roughness are just two sides of the same thing, who can truly understand why our houses cannot be replaced. As he spoke, he lowered his head and buried it between his hands.The snow-white sheets dangled in front of his eyes, and he felt a little dizzy.He bent his back, his body became tense unconsciously, and his grandpa's face remained calm, as if soothing his anxiety.The light green numbers on the small screen are beating, and the three curves are interlaced, like an hourglass caressing the flow of time. At least I understand, at least I understand the essence of things, at least I understand what should really continue.he murmured.Grandpa, you will agree with my choice, right? ※※※ The defense was held in the chamber three days later. Pierre sat alone in the penultimate row, not joining either camp.Lu Di was very enthusiastic, and arranged for him from the morning, introduced him to the congressmen, recommended and praised them pertinently.After the defense started, Lu Di needed to sit in the front row, but Pierre was unwilling to go and stayed behind alone. He looked at Lu Di who was shuttling through the crowd, his mind was indifferent.He knew that in this world, there are destined to be the focus of attention, and there are destined to be unwilling to be noticed.He and Rudy had never been different people.Lu Di has been used to attracting everyone's attention since he was a child, and he just needs to do whatever he wants. Naturally, some people will comment on the research submission, and it seems like a great shame if no one pays attention.But Pierre knew that the vast majority of people were not like this. He himself was considered lucky. Besides him, more people were always in the dark, tenaciously surviving in the absence of attention. Only attention attracts attention, only opportunity brings opportunity.he thinks.This is a process of positive feedback, no matter how you adjust it, it will not change. The congressmen around came and went in a hurry, making final preparations before the opening.Uncles and uncles always passed by him and greeted him, but he always responded with the fewest words. Such conversations made him feel awkward.He sat alone at the end of the venue, watching the lights of the conference hall surrounded by sculptures light up one after another, and the top of the bronze sculpture was illuminated by a halo. Suddenly, a hand patted his shoulder.He turned his head, it was Luo Ying. "Hi," Luo Ying greeted softly, "Have you seen my brother?" Pierre pointed in the direction of the rostrum: "It's been there just now." "Yeah." Luo Ying nodded, "Maybe she went out. I'll wait for a while." As she spoke, she sat down beside Pierre and smiled at him. "Are you giving a report today?" she asked him. "Yeah." He nodded. "Have you decided?" "Hmm. You heard that too?" "I heard what my brother said." She said as if relieved, "It's fine to decide whatever you want, as long as you think it over." "I don't know," he said, "I don't know if I've thought about it." She looked at him for a while, but she didn't seem to think about what to say. After hesitating for a while, she finally said: "Maybe this is a big, big fate, and it's not up to us, so don't think too much about it." "Yeah." He whispered, "Thank you." Luo Ying remained silent for a while, and asked, "Is your grandfather okay?" "It's fine. Nothing has changed." "Did the doctor say when you will wake up?" "No." Pierre paused, "It may not be possible to wake up." Luo Ying wanted to say something, but at this moment, Lu Di walked into the meeting hall through the side door.Pierre pointed it out to Luo Ying and interrupted her comforting words.Luo Ying then nodded, stood up, bid him farewell, and walked towards the front of the venue. Pierre watched her slender back slowly walking down the stairs, and the word she just mentioned suddenly echoed in his mind: fate.He seemed to see them walking at some fork in the mist, parting ways, with no line of sight in either direction.He has never had this feeling before, and he doesn't understand why he suddenly has such a feeling of a wrong way in the universe. Destiny isn't real, he told himself, stick to that.He wanted to get rid of the chaotic uneasiness in his heart, and the word fate made him uneasy.Nothing is real except perfect mathematics, he thought.Destiny is just an evasive explanation of unexplainable cause and effect and reality, an irrational sigh, nothing more.There is nothing more beautiful than laws.Laws are mathematics.Mathematics is the only thing that is pure and eternal.Compared with the absoluteness of the laws of mathematics, all regulations in the world are compromises.Compromises are temporary.Temporary ones are crude. He thought so, repeating the belief that he had always had in his heart, and the uneasiness in his heart gradually settled down.He began to silently read what he was going to say on stage later, and the familiar technical parameters made him feel stable.Perfect is matter, he thought again, matter that exists eternally according to eternal laws.In comparison, systems, customs, and interests are nothing, but they are all ephemeral phenomena. Why do we have to devote so much energy to these.The perfect universe is the eternal place of man.He took another look at the film sample he was holding in his hand. The film glowed perfectly. The defense meeting finally started. It is rare that almost every seat in the conference hall is full of people as it is today.The congressmen have all arrived, their clothes are strict and their faces are serious, and the venue is busy but silent.Pierre sat silently.The speakers on the stage changed one after another.Both sets of proposals assembled a strong team, introduced by a keynote speaker, and presented by several technical representatives.The speeches were gorgeous, the presentations varied, and the future Mars dazzled on the dome.The question is very acute. It was a long time before it was Pierre's turn.He walked onto the stage calmly, looking at the solemn crowd below, he felt a sense of indifference beyond reality. "For the technical realization of the solar sail, I would like to say responsibly: I can. I can design a reflective film that is large enough and tough enough to ensure that it can adjust its attitude and angle in space, allowing it to reflect sunlight throughout the day To a specific location on the ground, providing sufficient possibilities for water body insulation and evaporation can support the development of resettlement programs. "The following is my detailed plan and technical parameters..." There was a slight commotion in the audience, but he pretended not to notice it.He knew that different people would have different evaluations, and he had thought about it a long time ago, and he no longer cared about it.He finally made a decision, under all kinds of pressure, not only for Jier, but also for the longer-term persistence buried in his heart. He looked around and saw that Jill wasn't there, which made him sting again.He didn't like himself like this, and he hoped that he could look away from everything indifferently, but when he saw that she was not there, he was still stung uncontrollably.