Chapter 11 Chapter Eleven Crazy Cat

What can destroy me? This question was on my mind as I waited for three days to be released from this secure prison.What could tear me into a thousand pieces so that I would never recover, would never be able to do anything?I never mentioned this to anyone.But no matter the day or night, this problem keeps biting me, devouring me, and tormenting me. Next, four more ground-penetrating bombs hit District 13. Each bomb was powerful, but none of them caused much damage.But the time between bomb explosions was long, and every time people thought the air raids were over, another bang would snap their guts out.The purpose of dropping these bombs seems to be to keep us permanently in a first-level response state, not to kill the people of the 13th district.They want to paralyze the entire Thirteenth District, yes.If the people here want to rebuild their homes, they have to work hard.But then again, maybe the Capitol wanted to destroy it?No.On this point, Cohen is right.You don't destroy what you want in the future.I think what they really want in the short term is to destroy the planned TV raid in District 13 and keep me off the TV screens in Panham.

We have no information on the current situation.The TV screen was always black, and all we could hear was Cohen's broadcast over the loudspeaker, telling us the nature of the latest bomb.To be sure, the war is still going on, but we don't know how it will be. In the underground cave, everyone is very cooperative and follows a strict schedule: eat, bathe, exercise, sleep.Everyone can sometimes have short-term social activities as a little adjustment to this boring life.Our place became a special favorite place for people to come to because buttercups fascinate them.It became famous for its performances on Crazy Cat.This game was invented by me during a power outage one winter.As long as you take a flashlight and shine on the floor, buttercups will catch the shadows on the ground.I'd love to play this game because it makes Buttercup look silly.Incredibly, people here think he's smart and cute.They were even nice enough to give me extra batteries - what a huge waste - just for this.The people in the thirteenth district really lack entertainment.

On the third night, while performing "Crazy Cat," I finally had the answer to the question that had been on my mind.This crazy cat is a reflection of myself.I am Buttercup, Peeta, and the one I so long to protect, is the shadow.So long as Buttercup had the slightest hope of catching the phantom shadow, it would go after it desperately. (I've been in this state ever since I left the arena knowing Peeta was alive.) When the light fades completely, it returns to normal and moves on to find other things of interest. (That's what happens when Peeta dies.) But as long as I keep the flashlight on and shine the light on the rock wall above Buttercup's head, where it can't even jump, it'll keep going crazy. Be on the go.It circled under the stone wall, howling incessantly, it could not calm down, and could not care about other things.It doesn't do anything until I turn off the flashlight. (That's what Snow is doing to me now, I just don't know how.)

Maybe Snow needed just what I thought.He took Peeta into his own hands, and he kept torturing him as long as the rebellion continued.The thought of Peeta being tortured solely to break me is unbearable.The pressure it put on me was almost overwhelmed. After the "Crazy Cat" show, we were instructed to go to bed.The electricity came and went; sometimes the lights were so bright, other times so dim that we had to squint to see each other clearly.At bedtime, they dimmed the lights to a very dim level, then turned on the security lights near each bunk.Prim finally felt that the stone wall would not collapse, so she curled up with Buttercup on the lower bunk.Mom slept on the top bunk.I offered to sleep on the upper bunk, but they refused, saying that I kicked and beat me at night, which was dishonest, so I still slept on the floor mat.

But I don't know how to kick and beat now. The mental pressure of fighting hard makes my muscles stiff and stiff.That painful feeling inside of me is back, and it's spreading like germs all over my body, from my torso to my limbs, and then up my face, where it's full of cracks.Just one more penetrator and I'd be blown to pieces. When the restless people finally fell asleep, I quietly got out of the blankets and tiptoed to find Finnick in the cave.Somehow, I think he understands me.He's sitting under the safety light in his bunk, tying knots, and he's not even pretending to be asleep.When I told him about Snow's plan to break me, I suddenly realized that this was no news to him.That's how he broke down.

"That's how they treat Annie, isn't it?" I asked. "Well, they didn't arrest her because they thought they couldn't get information about the rebellion from her. They also knew I couldn't risk telling her anything about it, in order to protect her." "Oh, Finnick, I'm so sorry," I said. "No, it's me who should be upset. I failed to warn you," he told me. Suddenly, I remembered an event that happened in the past.I was strapped to a bed and in a state of madness from rage and pain after being rescued.Finnick tries to reassure me about Peeta, "They'll soon learn he doesn't know anything. If they think they can use Peeta against you, they won't kill him."

"You warned me. On the plane, but when you said they were going to use Peeta on me, I thought they were going to use him as bait to lure me to the Capitol," I said. "I shouldn't even have told you this at the time. It was too late when I told you, and it was useless to you. Since I didn't warn you before the Century Extreme Race, I shouldn't have mentioned it to you after that Snow's trick." Finnick jerked the rope in his hand, a complicated knot unraveled, and it became a straight rope again, "But there were some aspects of you that I couldn't understand at the time. After the game, I thought your romance with Peeta was just a joke on your part. We all thought you were going to keep the strategy going, but when Peeta hit the EMF and almost died, I... Finnick hesitated.

I recall crying in the arena when Finnick saved Peeta.Finnick did have a puzzled look on his face at the time.He also explained to me at the time that my emotional reaction was due to pregnancy. "What's the matter with you?" "But I see that I was wrong about you. You do love him, though you can't be sure what kind of love. Maybe you don't know yourself. But anyone who pays attention will see how much you care about him." he said softly. anyone?Before the Victory Tour, Snow came to my house and asked me to reassure everyone that I really loved Peeta. "Let me believe it," Snow said.Now it seems that under that hot pink sky, while Peeta is in Limbo, I finally made it.And it was because I did that that I gave Snow the weapon to crush me.

Finnick and I stopped talking, we sat in silence for a long time, and I watched him tie and untie the knot.Finally I asked, "How did you put up with all this?" Finnick looked up and looked at me in disbelief. "I can't help it, Katniss, obviously, I can't do it. Every morning I wake up from nightmares, and I don't feel much better when I don't sleep." Seeing the look on my face, he stopped talking , "It's better not to give up, it's ten times harder to pick yourself up than to break down." Yeah, he must know what that taste is like.I took a deep breath and forced myself to pull myself together.

"Find something to do, the more you can distract yourself, the better. First thing in the morning, get yourself a piece of rope. Till then, you'll be like me." That night, I sat on the mat and knotted my knots furiously before I held it to the Buttercup for inspection.If a knot he feels is loose, he beats and bites at the knot until he feels it is.In the morning, my hands were sore, but I kept hitting. After twenty-four hours without a bomb alert, Cohen finally informed us that we could leave the bunker.Our original home has been bombed, and everyone has to move to a new residential area according to new instructions.We cleared the bunks we lived in according to the instructions, and then walked out of the cave in an orderly manner.

I was halfway there when Boggs showed up.He pulled me out of the line, then motioned for Gale and Finnick to come with us.When we passed the crowd, everyone made way for us, and a few even smiled at me. It seems that "Crazy Cat" really made them think I was cuter.We walked out the gate, up the stairs, through the hall, took a multi-directional elevator, and finally we came to the Special Defense Department. The places we passed all the way were not damaged, and it seemed that we were still deep underground. Boggs leads us into a room almost identical to the command headquarters, where Cohen, Plutarch, Haymitch, and Cressida are sitting around a table, everyone looking tired.Some people finally couldn't resist and drank coffee-although here, coffee is regarded as a refreshing drink in emergency situations-Plutarch held the coffee cup tightly with both hands, as if the cup could be taken away at any moment . Everyone didn't greet each other after meeting, and went directly to the topic. "I need the four of you to prepare as soon as possible and go to the ground to shoot. You only have two hours to shoot the bombing of the ground and confirm that the military facilities in District 13 are not only not destroyed, but are very strong. Most importantly, Mockingjay Still alive, any questions?" the president said. "Can we have a cup of coffee?" Finnick asked. Steaming coffee was served just in time.I looked at the glistening black liquid with disinterest.I've never been much of a fan of this stuff, but I think it lifts my spirits.Finnick poured some milk into my glass, then reached for the sugar cube. "Candy cubes?" Finnick asked in his usual alluring tone.This brings back memories of when we first met.At that time, we were all painted and dressed for the audience, and we were preparing for the parade, surrounded by floats and horses.Finnick also asked me in this tone if I had candy.At that time, we were not yet in an alliance, and I knew nothing of his character.Thinking of this, I laughed. "Here, it tastes even better this way," he continued in his normal voice, putting three sugar cubes in my glass. As I turned around to change into my Mockingjay costume, I caught a glimpse of Gale staring at me and Finnick unhappily.how?Did he really think there was something between me and Finnick?Maybe he saw me go to Finnick's last night, maybe I was passing by the Hawthorne place and he saw me looking for Finnick instead of him.Oh well.My fingers were sore from tying the knots last night, and I couldn't keep my eyes open, and the camera crew was waiting for me to do well, and Peeta was still in Snow's hands.At this juncture, Gail can think whatever he likes. In the special defense department's new dressing room, my makeup artists quickly changed into my Mockingjay costume, fixed my hair, and put on the simplest makeup before my coffee was cold.In less than ten minutes, the film crew had already set off, turning around in the maze-like underground passage.I sipped my own coffee as I walked and found that the milk and sugar really brightened it up.As I drank the last drop of coffee from my cup, I did feel my blood flow quicken. On reaching the last ladder, Boggs pulled an iron bolt and opened the trapdoor.Fresh air rushed in.I gasped for fresh air, allowing myself to vent my distaste for the subterranean cave for the first time.When I came to the woods, I stroked the leaves above my head with my hands, some of which were about to turn yellow. "What's the date today?" I asked casually.Boggs told me it's September next week. September, which meant that Peeta had been in Snow's hands for five or six weeks.I looked at a leaf in my palm and found that my hand was shaking and I couldn't stop it.Blaming the cup of coffee, I concentrated on slowing my shortness of breath. There were stray shrapnel in the woods ahead, and a crater loomed before us, the first we saw, thirty yards in diameter, whose depth I cannot tell.Very deep.Boggs said that no one in the first ten floors of the basement was spared.We bypassed the big pit and continued to move forward. "Can it be rebuilt?" Gail asked. "Not anytime soon. There's nothing important here, just a couple of power plants and a chicken farm. We'll close it down pretty quickly," Boggs said. When we got near the fence, the trees disappeared.The crater is surrounded by old and new rubble.Before the explosion, most of District Thirteen was underground.On the ground there were only a few sentry posts, training camps, and the top floor about a foot high—this is where the Buttercup's window opened—and a few feet of steel plate above it.Even so, these underground houses cannot withstand a very violent attack. "How effective was the alarm the boy gave you?" Haymitch asked. "It was about ten minutes ahead of our own missile prediction system," Boggs said. "But it sure helps a lot, doesn't it?" I asked.I can't stand it if his answer is "no". "Absolutely," Boggs replied, "The citizens of the thirteenth district have all been evacuated safely. When under attack, every minute and every second count. Ten minutes means that countless lives have been saved." Prim, I think, and Gale, were only in the bunker a few minutes before the attack.It was Peeta who saved them.Add their names to the long list, and I'm grateful to Peeta for it all. Cressida wanted me to shoot on the ruins in front of the Justice Building.It's an irony that the Capitol has used this as a backdrop for their fake news stories for years, stating that the district no longer exists.After the latest missile strike, the Justice Building was just ten yards from a new crater. As we approached the original entrance to the building, Gail seemed to see something ahead and everyone slowed down immediately.I didn't know what was going on at first, but when I took a closer look, it turned out that the ground was strewn with fresh pink and red roses. "Don't touch them!" I yelled, "This is coming for me." The pungent aroma reached my nose, and my heart was pounding.So the rose I saw on the dressing table before was not my own imagination.In front of me is Snow's second batch of gifts.Beautiful roses with long stems in pink and red, the same roses that surrounded Peeta and us when we were interviewed after the win.This is not for one person, but for a couple. I try my best to explain it to others.On the surface, these roses are harmless.But it could be genetically modified flowers.Two dozen roses, a little wilted.Most likely sent after the last bomb went off.Several men in special protective suits picked them up and carted them away.I'm sure they wouldn't find the roses any different either.Only Snow knew in his heart what effect his actions would have on me, just like when Cinna was beaten to a bloody mess, I could only watch helplessly through the glass cover.He was trying to break through my psychological defenses. Just like when I saw Cinna being beaten, I had to pick myself up and fight back.Yet a sense of anxiety crept into me as Cressida arranged for Castor and Pollux to be filmed.The sudden appearance of those roses left me with nothing but Peeta on my mind, and I felt incredibly tired and weary.I really shouldn't be drinking that cup of coffee, the last thing I need right now is a stimulant, my body is visibly shaking and I can't breathe.After staying underground for several days, I had to squint my eyes no matter which direction I looked, and the sun made me feel very glaring.Although the breeze was blowing, beads of sweat kept dripping from my face. "So, what exactly do I need to do?" I asked. "Only taking a few shots shows you're alive and fighting," Cressida said. "Okay." I stood up and stared at the camera.Just stare, stare. "Sorry, I don't know how to take pictures." Cressida walked up to me, "Are you okay?" I nodded.She took a cloth from her pocket and smudged my face. "How about shooting in a 'question-and-answer' format?" "Okay, I guess, it's better this way." I folded my arms to hide the trembling.I glance at Finnick and he gives me the thumbs up, but he also looks disturbed. Cressida was about to start filming, "Well, Katniss, the thirteenth district was bombed, and you survived. How do you feel the difference between this bombing and the last bombing of the eighth district?" "We're hiding deep underground this time, and there's no real danger. District 13 still exists, and everything is fine, and so am I..." At this point, I paused.My voice was dry and pale. "Here's another take, 'Area 13 is still there, everything is fine, and so am I,'" Cressida said. I took a deep breath and let the breath sink down, "The thirteenth district still exists, and everything..." No, this will not work. I swear I can still smell that rose. "Katniss, just take this one, your mission is over for today. I promise. 'District 13 is still there, everything is fine, and so am I'." I move my arms to relax myself.For a while, I put my arms behind my back, and then hung them down again.The saliva in my mouth was secreting rapidly, and I felt like I was about to vomit.I swallowed hard, and opened my mouth to say the stupid thing, and then I could hide in the woods and do nothing—but I started crying. I can't be a Mockingjay, even if I finish this sentence, because I know that every word I say now will be used directly against Peeta, and the result is to exacerbate his torture.He will not die, Snow will not let him go so easily, he will make his life worse than death. "Stop," I heard Cressida whisper. "What's the matter with her?" Plutarch whispered. "She finally figured out how Snow would use Peeta," Finnick said. Everyone in front of me sighed with regret.I already know the truth of the matter, it is impossible to pretend not to know, the 13th district will lose the mockingjay after the military attack, because as a mockingjay, I will collapse. A few people gave me sympathetic hugs, but it was Haymitch's hug that I longed for most, because he loved Peeta too.I shouted his name, hoping to get his comfort.He hugged me, patted me on the back and said, "It's going to be all right, honey." He helped me sit on a broken marble column and put his arm around me , and I'm still crying. "I can't do this anymore," I said. "I know," he said. "All I can think about is what he's going to do to Peeta if I'm Mockingjay!" I exclaim. "I know." Haymitch hugged me tighter. "Did you see that too? How strange he looks! What did they do to him?" I was sobbing so hard that I couldn't speak, but I finally managed to say, "It's all my fault! ’ And then I lost control and screamed hysterically.Immediately afterwards, a needle stuck in my arm and I lost consciousness. Whatever drug I was given must have been strong, and when I woke up, it was a day later.But I didn't sleep well. In my dream, I seemed to be walking alone in a dark and eerie world.Haymitch was sitting in a chair next to my bed with bloodshot eyes and sallow skin.I thought about Peeta and started shaking again. Haymitch reached out and grabbed my shoulder, "It's okay, we'll do our best to get Peeta out." "What?" I didn't understand. "Plutarch has sent a rescue team, he's got an inside line there. He thinks we can get Peeta out alive," he said. "Then why didn't we save him before?" I said. "Because it's expensive to do that. But everyone thinks it has to be done now. It's like the choices we have to make in the arena. We can't lose the mockingjay now, and you only have to know that Snow can't use leather anymore. It can only work properly when the tower is closed." Haymitch handed me a glass of water, "Here, drink some water." I slowly sat up and took a sip of water, "What do you mean the price is too high?" He shrugged. "The line is breached, and people are going to die. But it's undeniable that people face death threats every day, not just Peeta; we're going to get Annie out for Finnick too." "Where is he now?" "Sleeping behind a screen, and he's sedated, too. He went nuts when we knocked you out," Haymitch said.I smiled wryly, feeling a little stronger in my body. "Yeah, it was a good filming mission, you two went crazy, Boggs arranged to rescue Peeta, we're going back in time." "Well, it would be better if Boggs led the team himself," I said. "Oh, he took the lead in organizing this event, and it was a voluntary application. I raised my hand at the time, but he pretended not to see it. Look, his judgment is really strong." Haymitch said. Not right.Haymitch tried too hard to cheer me up.It's not his usual style. "So, who else volunteered to sign up?" "I think there were seven of them," he faltered. I have a bad feeling deep inside of me. "Who else, Haymitch?" I pressed. Haymitch stopped being good-natured. "You know who else, Katniss. You know who's going to sign up first." Of course I do. It's Gail.