Chapter 18 Chapter Eighteen

Arthur jumped to his feet in terror.It's hard to say what he's more afraid of; maybe he's afraid of hurting the person he carelessly put under his ass, or maybe he's afraid that the person he carelessly put under his ass will strike back. However, after a little inspection, he found that neither possibility was too worrying for the time being.Whoever he was sitting in was unconscious.That probably explains why he's lying there.His breathing seemed fairly steady.Arthur felt for his pulse.It's okay too. The man lay curled up on his side on the ground.Arthur's last first aid had happened so long ago, so far away, that he couldn't remember what he was supposed to do now.Then he remembered that the first thing to do was to find a first aid kit.Damn.

Should he let the other party lie down?What if a bone is broken?What if he swallowed his tongue?What if he sued him?Besides all this, who the hell is he? At this moment, the unconscious man rolled over with a loud moan. Arthur wondered if he should— He looks at him. He looked at him again. He looked at him again to rule out any possibility of misunderstanding. Although he thought his mood had hit rock bottom, now he felt a feeling of getting lower and lower again. The man groaned again, then slowly opened his eyes.It took him a while to focus, and then he blinked and froze. "You!" said Ford Prefect.

"You!" said Arthur Dent. Ford moaned again. "What do you need me to explain this time?" He closed his eyes in despair. Five minutes later, he sat up and rubbed his head, where there was a big swelling. "Who the hell is that woman?" he asked. "Why do these squirrels keep surrounding us? What do they want?" "I've been looking at the squirrels all night," said Arthur. "They keep trying to give me magazines and stuff." Ford frowned. "Really?" "And pieces of rags." Ford began to think. "Oh," he said, "is this near where your ship crashed?"

"That's right." Arthur's voice was a little tense. "Probably this. It's possible. The ship's crew robots were destroyed, but the electronic brains that controlled them survived and began to harass the local wildlife. It can transform the entire ecosystem into inexplicable service industries, non-stop. Passing hot towels and drinks to passers-by. There should be a law prohibiting such things. Most of them have already been enacted. Most likely there is another law prohibiting such things, so that everyone can lose their temper. Hehe. What are you talking about?"

"I said yes, and that woman is my daughter." Ford's hand rubbing his head stopped. "I didn't know," said Ford, "that you had a daughter." "Well, you probably don't know a lot about my situation." Arthur said, "Speaking of which, I probably don't know a lot about my situation." "Well, well, well. So, when did this happen?" "I'm not sure." "This finally sounds familiar," Ford said. "Is there any mother question involved here?" "Cui Lien." "Cui Lien? I thought..."

"No, look, it's a little embarrassing to say." "I remember she mentioned to me that she wanted to have a child in the future, but it was just, you know, casually. I also contacted her from time to time. I never saw her with a child." Arthur said nothing. Ford started touching the big bag on his head again in a daze. "Are you sure she's your daughter?" he asked. "Tell me what happened." "Uh, it's a long story. I'm here to pick up the package I sent to myself, which is in your custody..." "Well, what's going on then?"

"I guess that could be some kind of dangerous deadly thing." "So you sent it to me?" Arthur grumbled. "The safest place I can think of. I think you are reliable. You are extremely boring, and you will definitely not take it apart. Anyway, because I came here at night, I can't find your village. The information in my hand Not many, and can't find any signal, I guess you don't have a signal or something here." "That's what I like about it." "Then I actually got a little signal from your old Guide, so I flew over there, thinking I could find you. I found myself in a wood or something, and I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on , so I got off the plane, and then I saw that woman standing there. I walked over to say hello, and suddenly found that thing with her!"

"what?" "That thing I sent you. New! That birdy thing. You were supposed to keep it safe, you fool, but that woman got it, on her shoulder. I ran over Then she threw a rock at me." "Got it," said Arthur. "And what did you do?" "Well, of course I fell. I was badly hurt. She and the bird started walking towards my ship. Also, when I say my ship, I mean an RW6." "A ship of what?" "An RW6, for heaven's sake. Now my credit card is tied to the central computer of the Guide. That boat is unbelievable, Arthur, it..."

"So RW6 is a spaceship?" "Yes! It's—oh, never mind. Listen, please cheer up a little bit, Arthur, or at least get a catalog. Anyway, I'm pretty worried by then. And, I Guess, a little bit of a concussion. I got on my knees and bled so hard, so I did the only thing I could think of, which was begging. I said, please, for God's sake don't drive me away Spaceship. And don't leave me alone in this goddamn primeval forest with a broken head and no medical care. I could be in big trouble, and so can you." "Then what did she say?" "She hit me on the head again with a rock."

"I think I can be sure she is my daughter." "cute child." "You have to get to know her slowly," said Arthur. "Is it okay if you get acquainted?" "No," said Arthur, "but at least you know when to dodge." Ford lifted his head and tried to look straight ahead. The sky begins to lighten in the west, which is the direction of the sunrise.Arthur didn't particularly want to see it.After such a hell of a night, the last thing he needed was a damn day to come and run around. "What are you doing here, Arthur?" asked Ford.

"Hmm. Basically making sandwiches." "what?" "I am, or at least was, the sandwich guru of a small tribe. It's a bit embarrassing to say. When I first came, when they pulled me out of that ship, these people were very nice to me, so I just figured I'd have to find a way to help them. You know, I'm educated too, and I'm from a high-tech civilization, so it shouldn't be a problem to teach them a thing or two. Turns out, I can't. After all, what are those things? I don't have any idea what's going on. I don't mean a video recorder. No one can understand that. I mean things like pens or artesian wells. As a result, I don't have any idea. What can I do? Can't help either. One day I was in a bad mood and I made myself a sandwich and they all went crazy. They'd never seen a sandwich before. They never thought there was such a thing and I happened to I really like making sandwiches, and then I became a sandwich master so logically." "And you like doing that?" "Yeah, I do kind of like it, yeah. Get yourself a set of knives or something." "Don't you think things are a little, say, deliriously dull, swollen, stupefied, sore tongue?" "Well, uh, no. Not really mouth sores like you said." "Strange, if I were you." "Well, I guess we have different opinions." "That's right." "Like a pica." Ford didn't know what a pica was, and didn't bother to ask, so he turned to Arthur, "Then how the hell do we get out of this place?" "Well, I think the easiest way is to follow the trail down the valley and out to the plain, which takes about an hour, and then around it. I'm afraid I can't bear to go up and down like I came up. " "Where do you go around from there?" "Well, go around the village. I suppose." Arthur sighed rather forlornly. "I'm not going to any goddamn village," said Ford. "We gotta get out of here!" "Where to? How?" "I don't know, you figure it out. You live here, don't you? There must be some way to get off this damn planet." "I don't know. What do you usually do? Sit and wait for a ship to pass by, I suppose." "Oh really? So how many ships have passed by this goddamn little flea nest in total recently?" "Well, the ship I was on went the wrong way and crashed here a few years ago. Then there was, uh, Trillian, then the package delivery, and now you, and then..." "True, but besides these obvious suspects?" "Well, uh, I guess basically not, as far as I know. It's pretty quiet around here." As if intending to prove him wrong, there was a sudden low-pitched thunder in the distance, which lasted for a long time. Ford jumped up distractedly and began to walk back and forth in the morning light.The faint light in the early morning worked extraordinarily hard, and the roads were spread in the air, as if someone had dragged a piece of liver over them for a while. "You don't understand how important it is," he said. "What? You mean my daughter is alone in the galaxy? You think I don't..." "Can you feel sorry for the galaxy any longer?" Ford said. "This is really, really serious. The Guide was taken over. It was bought." Arthur jumped up. "Oh how serious," he cried, "please tell me about the political struggles in corporate publishing! I can't tell you how much I've been bothered by it lately!" "You don't understand! They remade the Guide!" "Oh!" Arthur roared again, "oh! oh! oh! I'm so excited I don't know what to say! I can't wait for it to tell me if I go to some stellar nebula I've never heard of , what exciting airports can I find to keep me bored. Please, can we rush to a store that already sells it now and grab a copy?" Ford narrowed his eyes. "That's what you call sarcasm, isn't it?" "You know," growled Arthur, "I think it is. I really think it's probably just that crazy little thing called sarcasm that seeps into my style of speech! I'm having a good night, Ford. Fucking sucks! So can you please, take that into consideration before deciding what next time you're going to bore me with mind-boggling innocence?" "Try to rest," Ford said. "I need to think." "Why do you need to think? Can't we just sit down and smack and smack our lips? Can't we just drool a little and lean to the left? I can't take it, Ford! I can't I can't stand thinking and solving problems. You might think I'm just standing here and arguing..." "I really didn't think of it before." "...but I'm serious! What's the point? Every time we do something we think we know what the outcome will be, that is, it will be more or less what we hope it will be. It's right all the time, it's crazy, stupid, and as wrong as a cross-eyed bug!" "Exactly my point of view." "Thank you." Arthur sat down again, "What?" "Short-term reverse manipulation." Arthur buried his head in his hands and rocked gently from side to side. "Is there any way within human power," he moaned, "that I could stop you from telling me what the hell that short-term reverse is?" "No," said Ford, "because your daughter's in it, and it's a deadly, very deadly thing." Thunder filled the silence in the middle. "Well," said Arthur, "tell me." "I jumped out of a window of a very tall building." This made Arthur happy. "Oh!" said Arthur, "why don't you dance again?" "I skipped." "Uh." Arthur was very disappointed. "Obviously it didn't come in handy." "The first time I went offline I used the most astonishing and - and I say this literally, very humbly - the most incredible creativity, wit, action, and supreme feet Extra law plus self-sacrifice." "What is self-sacrificing?" "I gave away a shoe that I really loved and probably couldn't replace." "Why does this count as self-sacrifice?" "Because they're mine!" replied Ford angrily. "I think we might have a different value system." "Well, mine is better anyway." "That's you based on your... oh, never mind. So after being very clever in saving your own life you were very clever in running and jumping again. Please don't tell me why. Just tell me Whatever happens, if you must." "A jet-powered Lincoln just passed by, and I fell straight into the cockpit of it. The driver just wanted to change the radio, but he accidentally opened the top cover. Really, even I can't think of it as any particularly clever move." "Oh, who knows," said Arthur wearily. "I guess you probably sneaked into his jet the night before and tuned his radio to his least favorite channel or something." "No, I haven't," said Ford. "just asking." "Strangely enough, someone else has done it. That's the key. You can find those decisive incidents, follow their chains, branches all the way back, and finally find that everything is done by the new "Guide" Ghost. The bird." "What bird?" "Didn't you see it?" "No." "Oh, a deadly little thing. Good looking, big talker, able to selectively disintegrate waves at will." "What's the meaning?" "Short-term reverse manipulation." "Oh," said Arthur, "oh yes." "The question is, who is it for?" "Hey, I do have a sandwich in my pocket." Arthur dug into the bag for a long time, "Would you like some?" "Hmm, okay." "It's a little wet, and I'm afraid it's squashed." "Never mind." They munch for a while. "It tastes good, honestly," said Ford. "What's the meat in it?" "Absolutely normal beast." "Never. So, the question is," continued Ford, "who is that bird doing? What trick is it playing?" "Er." Arthur ate his sandwich. "When I got to know that bird," continued Ford, "through a very interesting chain of chance events, he put on a thermal imaging extravaganza I've never seen. And then he said he was going to I said, thanks but no. It said it was going to serve me, whether I liked it or not. I said you should try it, it said it would and, in fact, it was already doing it I said we'll wait and see. That's when I decided to pack that thing up and take it home. So I sent it to you, just to be on the safe side." "Oh really? For whose safety?" "Never mind that. Then, for one reason or another, I thought it prudent to jump out the window again, and then I didn't have much of a choice. Luckily the jet truck was right under there, otherwise I'll just have to go back to genius wit and action, and maybe lose the other shoe, or - if all else fails - back to the ground. But it's serious, whether I like it or not Like, the Guide he wants, um, to serve me. It's so worrying." "why." "Because if you got the guide you'd think it was working for you and everything from then on was hilarious beyond belief until I met the kid with the rock and then, bam, I was done , I have nothing left.” "Are you referring to my daughter?" "And in as polite a language as possible. She'll be the next link in the chain and think everything's going to be all right. She can hit anyone's head with a piece of ground until she Do what the thing needs and she's done. It's short-term reverse manipulation, and apparently no one understands what we're putting out!" "Like me." "What? Oh, wake up, Arthur. Listen, let me try again. The new Guide is out of the lab, with new technology, no filter perception. Do you know what that means?" "Listen, I've been making sandwiches for Bob's sake!" "Who is Bob?" "Forget it, you continue to talk." "Filterless perception means it senses everything, see? I can't sense everything, you can't sense everything, we all have to filter things out, and the new Guide doesn't have any perceptual filters. It senses everything. From It's not very complicated technically, it's just a matter of omitting certain parts, understand?" "Why don't I just tell you I get it, and then you can just let him go on." "Okay, so, since the bird can perceive all possible universes, it's in every one of them. Right?" "No-no-no-wrong. Like." "So the dumb hat from marketing and accounting was like, oh that sounds awesome, doesn't it, so we can make a guide and sell it a million times? Don't squint at me like that, Arthur, I'm talking about the accountant's idea!" "Pretty clever, isn't it?" "No! Crazy stupid. Listen. That machine is just a little Guidebook. It's got some nice electronics in it, but because it uses unfiltered perception, every little movement of it has the power of a virus. It Can reproduce in space, time, and countless other dimensions. No matter which universe we enter, nothing anywhere can escape its palm. Its ability is recursive, just like a computer program. Exists somewhere One key instruction, all the rest are just self-loop functions, or parentheses scrolling down the endless address bar. What if the parentheses collapse? The last 'end if...' Where to find it? Do you understand even a little bit, Arthur?" "Sorry, I dozed off. Something about the universe, right?" "Something about the universe, yes." Ford was very tired, and he sat down again. "Well," he said, "come to think of it, you know who I thought I saw in the Guide building? Vogons. Ah, I can see I finally said a word you can understand. " Arthur jumped to his feet. "That noise," he said. "What noise?" "thunder." "What's wrong?" "That's not thunder. That's an absolutely normal spring migration of beasts, starting." "You keep talking about these animals. What are they?" "I don't keep mentioning them. I just put them in sandwiches." "Why do you call them absolutely normal beasts?" Arthur spoke to him. Ford's eyes widened in surprise, which was a rare enjoyment for Arthur.