You probably know that I am not originally from the Central Plains.
I am a son of a Hu merchant, but I have been admiring the knowledge of the Han Dynasty since I was a child.In my opinion at that time, the rules and regulations of the Han family and the rhythm and rhetoric were the most perfect, but the ethnic group I belonged to was so backward, ignorant, and ignorant in these aspects that I was ashamed to admit it.I wear Hanfu, speak Chinese, and write Chinese characters. My familiarity with the classics of Confucianism and Taoism even exceeds that of many students in the Han Dynasty.I changed all my Hun names, and I gave myself a Chinese name: Wei Lu.
Of all the things in the Central Plains, what I love the most is its rhythm.
That year, I went into business with my father and came to Chang'an. When I heard that the imperial court had newly established a Yuefu, I went to eavesdrop on the stringed songs and dances of the Yuefu.Sima Xiangru's "Cifu" and Li Yannian's "Xinshengqu" are the best in the world.Only in Chang'an can there be such ear blessings.
Once, I couldn't bear the temptation of the wonderful string music, so I climbed up a big tree outside the wall of Yuefu and looked inside.Through layers of green shade, I saw that woman——A Yan, the love of my life.
She danced so lightly that it was unbelievable, like an orchid trembling and opening in the wind.I never thought that a person could create such a shocking effect with just physical movements.
Her elder brother Li Yannian accompanied her on drums and piano.To be honest, her second elder brother is also a rare and handsome character, otherwise he would not have become the emperor's favored courtier later.But at this moment, my eyes were completely attracted by Ah Yan, and I couldn't notice other people at all.
Looking back now, she was only sixteen years old at the time, slim and graceful, not what most people think of as a beauty, but I can feel her indescribable charm.Maybe that attraction came from her eyes.Long eyelashes, dark pupils, like a pair of black gemstones in clear water, especially her gaze, focused, clear, and slightly melancholy, unlike what a girl of this age should have, but with a kind of A different kind of soul-stirring beauty.I was deeply attracted by the unique expression between her eyebrows.
Maybe I was the first to discover Ah Yeon's beauty.A few years later, when she grew taller, her face became rounder, and her figure became more graceful, many people were amazed by her beauty.But in my mind, her most beautiful moment will always be that delicate girl practicing dancing in Yuefu.
I started trying to get closer to her.
I encouraged my father to sell musical instruments and ran to Yuefu every three days.Li Yannian is actually in charge of Yuefu.Knowing that I was from a Hu family, Li Yannian asked me with great interest if I had any Hu people's musical instruments. Later, he ordered a batch of well-made Hu Jia and Qiang flutes.
When delivering the goods, I saw Ah Yan practicing dancing not far away.I played a short piece of music with a Hujia by means of a sound test.It was a distant pastoral song.I have been immersed in the culture of the Central Plains for many years, and I have not been in contact with the customs of my hometown for a long time.For some reason, I chose to use the music of my hometown to convey my heart to Ah Yan that day.
Maybe it's because I care too much about Ah Yan, and I'm afraid of being rejected if I express too bluntly. It seems that I can cover up my timidity with the unfamiliarity of exotic music.
In the next few days, I often heard Ah Yan humming that tune softly.I was ecstatic.
I bought a lot of gifts with the money I earned from that business, and rewarded Li Yannian and Yuefu officials and others.After going back and forth, I became a frequent visitor to Yuefu, and I also got in touch with Ayan.After getting in touch, I found myself falling in love with her even more crazily.
Ah Yan has a gentle demeanor, a demure demeanor, a delicate mind, considerate and considerate of others.I have never seen such a girl.I have traveled thousands of miles, and the young women I have met are those from remote mountain villages, who are ignorant and vulgar;Occasionally, I have seen gentle and honest women, and such women are mostly from the family of poetry, books, rituals and music. To me, the son of a Hu merchant, being polite and polite always makes people feel a kind of indifference and indifference of "not my race". estranged.
Only with Ah Yan, I will not feel any pressure.Listen to her speak, speak in a low voice, in a whisper, gentle and gentle.She takes pity on the poor and the weak, and loves all living beings.Even Li Yannian felt that the singing of cicadas on the tree disturbed Yuefu's rehearsal of the new song, she was reluctant to kill it, and would rather persuade her brother to rehearse in another place.
I don't know how she got that temperament.She was born in a family of singing and dancing, her parents and brothers are both dancing and singing kabuki.Her eldest brother Guangli is ambitious, her second brother Yannian is good at making money, and her third brother, whose nickname is Ji, is even more of a licentious person.She is unlike anyone else in the family.In addition to singing and dancing, I often see her meditate in silence, and when I talk to her, I find that she has many thoughts, which penetrate the world and are profound and far-reaching, beyond her age and identity.She never prides herself on her knowledge and talent, and treats everyone with humility and gentleness, neither humble nor overbearing.
The more I got in touch with her, the more I admired her, even admired her.She is my goddess, the freshest fragrance I can feel in this flashy world.In her, I really felt the elegance and gentleness described in the ancient books of the Central Plains, a bearing with a long history.
Ah Yan's excellent dancing skills gradually spread, and Li Yannian began to take her to perform in some wealthy mansions.
Once, a few wicked young men tried to have an affair with Ah Yan who had just come out of a marquis's mansion. I happened to pass by and had a fierce fight with those evil young men.Li Yannian who came over saw this scene, and since then, I have become a guest of Li's family.
It was the happiest time of my life.I met Ah Yan at Yuefu or Li’s house every three days, and I bought her all kinds of delicate and delicate gadgets. Unlike ordinary girls, she was not interested in makeup, powder, cloth and silk, so I made various musical instruments for her by myself. Apparently, she likes it.Especially a Hujia, I skillfully engraved the word "Yan" on it, she cherishes it very much, and often plays it in her spare time.
However, just when I had the most intense and intimate relationship with Ah Yan, the situation slowly changed. The Li family brothers gradually became alienated from me, and then, for some reason, Ah Yan's attitude towards me also became cold .
I don't understand why this is.
An old musician from the Yuefu saw my distraught appearance and privately pulled me aside.
"Young man, I know what you're thinking. But," he patted my shoulder sympathetically, and said, "Listen to me, don't think about it. This girl from the Li family is probably looking for a big client. "
He told me that the Li brothers were not the kind of people who planned to live a singing and dancing career for the rest of their lives.Ah Yan's figure is flexible, her waist is slender and her feet are sculpted, she is a natural material for dancing, and she also has a refined temperament.Over the years, Li Yannian has spent a lot of thought on polishing Ah Yan meticulously.In recent years, Ah Yan's color has gradually opened up, and her dancing skills have reached a state of perfection.Li Yannian is trying his best to communicate with Princess Pingyang, and wants to send his sister to the princess mansion.Because of the relationship between the emperor, empress, and general, Princess Pingyang has many guests in the mansion all the year round.The people in the seat are all honored ministers, relatives, princes and princes.Li Yannian planned to ask the princess to come forward, looking for an opportunity to introduce Ah Yan to a certain nobleman.
"The family is full of wealth and honor, and all of them are here." The old Le Gong said, "Do you think their sisters are something that ordinary people can care about?"
Thinking of Ah Yan's silent and gloomy expression recently, I can feel that that is not Ah Yan's original intention, she does not desire wealth, but she is under great pressure.
It's no wonder that the Li family brothers regarded her as a rare commodity, Ayan was a rare pearl, and they invested so much money in her.
what should I do?I'm just the son of a profit-seeking barbarian.People from Yi and Di, at the end of the four karma, are doubly humble, how can they be worthy of picking this unparalleled pearl?
I am not willing to give up.After returning, I began to look for ways to become an official.
It may be too late to start now.But as long as there is a chance, I will not give up.What I can count on is the great tradition of meritocracy in this country and the talents and abilities that I am proud of.
I have long heard that this is a dynasty different from any previous dynasty.She is the first dynasty ever established by power from the people!
You may not think that the reason why I became interested in Han culture at first was because I heard that the founder of this dynasty was a pavilion chief!
I learned from legends that he "had three chapters of the agreement" and "Qiu did not commit any crimes". From the history books, I saw that his subordinates actually included those who sold zi, flute and slaughtered dogs.
I love this first regime in history established not by noble blood, but by the support of the people.I believe that in this country that belongs to the people, every child of the common people can get his due status and honor through his own efforts.Prison chiefs and dog butchers and dealers can all become important ministers, so what else is impossible?
Today's sons and servants don't care about their origins, Wen has Gongsun Hong from a humble family, the master's father Yan, and Wu has the general Wei Qing who started as a servant.All kinds of facts inspire me to believe that, born in such a great dynasty, born in such a great prosperous age, with my own efforts, one day, I will be qualified to pick that pearl!
However, when I really started to explore the way to become an official, I realized how far away I was from that day.
On the surface, this country respects Confucianism and respects literature, but in its heart it uses the same methods as the Legalists of the previous dynasty.If a commoner wants to become an official, the orthodox path is to start with a knife and a pen.At the age of seventeen, with good conduct, recommended by the township officials, government examinations, and being able to recite nine thousand characters, you can become a petty official.
The question is, who will decide whether a person is of good character?This system is inherently flawed and difficult to correct.
The famous founding father of the country, Han Xin, was said to have been designated as "no action" when he was young, so that he could not be selected as an official.That was a matter of the previous dynasty, but it is actually the same in this dynasty.
Besides, even if you become a small official, it is meaningless if you have no background or backing.Transcribing official documents, compiling rosters, urging taxes, catching thieves, working through seniority year after year, and staying up for decades, if you are lucky enough not to be tortured crazy by heavy and boring paperwork, and you have not made any mistakes, you may be recommended to Chang'an , worked as an official in a government office of the three lords and nine ministers, and became a Beijing official that the village envied.And this is their limit.It seems that there is always an invisible barrier above the heads of these low-level officials, no matter how hard they try, no matter how good they are.The vast majority of them are lifelong officials who are no more than Ling Cheng, and their salary is no more than six hundred shi, and they will never be able to enter the real circle of power in this country.
I have seen a place in the eastern suburbs of Chang'an that was jokingly called "Qiaoshi Village".There are countless outstanding young people from all over the country gathered there. Like me, they are ambitious and full of confidence in their talents.They wrote all kinds of poems and policies day and night, and delivered them to the emperor, hoping to repeat the luck of Gongsun Hong, Zhu Fuyan, and Sima Xiangru.However, often year after year, I gradually flattened my aggressiveness, drained my talents, exhausted my money but got nothing, and returned to my hometown disappointed.There are still a small number of people, either unwilling to give up, or unwilling, or because they have no face to return to their hometowns to face their families, they hang around in Chang'an year after year, and even get lost among the Kanto refugees, disheveled and begging on the streets.
I am puzzled.
How could this be?
What happened to the "Decree for Seeking Talents" that the imperial court publicized so much?Gongsun Hong, Zhu Fuyan, Wei Qing... What happened to those fabulous promotions?
I inquired and observed carefully.In the past, I was busy doing business, and the people I came into contact with were the huge and prosperous appearance of this country.Now, with my in-depth understanding, a new Han Dynasty that is completely different from the past legends of the outside world is presented before my eyes.
Yes, the emperor is indeed thirsty for talents, but not every commoner who thinks he is talented can directly submit a letter to the emperor to show his talents and express his opinions. "Virtuous" and "literature" are recommended by officials with more than two thousand shi.Letters and gifts without the recommendation of senior officials, in fact, could not be delivered to the emperor at all.Gongsun Hong was recommended by Suichuan, and the success of his father Yan was related to Wei Qing's efforts.As for Wei Qing, people only see his rare encounter from slave to general, but they often forget that he has a good sister——Wei Zifu.
If Wei Qing didn't have a sister who served the emperor comfortably in Shiyixuan, if Gongsun Hong hadn't been closely related to the Zichuan officialdom, if the master father Yan hadn't connected with General Wei... what would their fate be? ?
Those down-and-out scholars in Qiushi Village who are underappreciated for their talents are probably the answer.
More than once, I saw there some poor men in rumpled clothes, walking and walking, fell and couldn't get up again.No one would know that the starving man who died on the street was once a talented and handsome man full of poetry and books, and in those dazed eyes, he was also filled with enthusiasm for governing the country and bringing peace to the world.A high-sounding "edict to seek talents" made them lose their entire youth and even their lives in this hopeless gamble, but they didn't know that the door of luck would never open to them.
I am in great conflict.I know the history of this country. When Chen She was the first to command the world, the most inspiring sentence was: Princes, generals, and relatives!Every time I read history to this point, I am overwhelmed by it and yearn for it.
However, decades have passed, and Chen Shezhen's deafening voice has gradually faded away, and the various rebel armies against Qin were gradually faded and forgotten, as if the Tyrant Qin was overthrown by Gao Zu alone.The descendants of commoners and ministers have formed a new Shiqingshilu. They are full of pits and valleys, and they have filled the career path to the point where there is no room for any aliens.They used the facts to warn the delusional children of poor families: the troubled times are over, and today's people who play the flute and slaughter dogs will never dream of realizing the dream of the commoner!
History has come full circle and returned to its original place.
That being the case, what was the significance of the war that piled up with corpses?Who was competing in the world back then?
I don't want to admit that my years of pursuit and belief are wrong.I told myself that there is nothing wrong with those perfect moral beliefs, and there is nothing wrong with those advanced gangsters, it's just that the current court has deviated from the way of the previous kings.
I can't change the court's way of governing, so I have only one way: join the army!
This is my only chance.
Almost all the upward passages are occupied by the children of the powerful and powerful. The only one that has not been completely blocked is the way to join the army.There have been frequent wars in recent years, and this is a way of exchanging life for honor. The price is too high for those powerful children, and they are usually unwilling to take risks with their precious lives—although in the army, with Compared with the children of the common people, their promotion speed is more than ten times faster, and the casualties before the battle may be less than one-tenth of the children of the Han family.
Among the armies of the capital, there are not many Hu people who can join the army, and most of them have been recruited. Only one is still recruiting, and that is the Changshui Army Camp.
The Changshui camp was not fully recruited because Su Jian, captain of Changshui, was a special person.
Su Jian was an excellent general, but he treated Hu Zu extremely harshly.Some people say that because of the betrayal of Zhao Xin, a barbarian, he lost a big battle and was demoted from a general to a commoner.Some people also said that the defeat in that battle was because he was under the witchcraft of Hu Wu.In short, that incident dealt him a great blow, and later, with the help of General Wei Qing, he was able to be reappointed.Since he took charge of Changshuiying, he has recruited Hu pawns, rejecting any smart and literate ones, and only selecting rough ones who can't read a word.He believed that all Hu people were rebellious, smart and literate, and in the future they would steal military and political secrets and serve the barbarians, causing even more disasters, while those who were a little bit stupid would not do much harm.In normal practice and training, he seems to have a grudge against barbarians, picky and harsh, to the point of inhumanity.
Therefore, working under him, those who are too smart or too stupid will not have a good life.Those who are clumsy and dull will be punished for not being able to understand the order in time; those who are smart and quick-witted will be wary of suspicion, and will even find excuses to kill them by marching.
Under such a background, the supply of soldiers in the Changshui Battalion is insufficient every year.
However, because of this harshness, the Hu Qi trained by him is the most trusted by the court, and there are many opportunities to make meritorious deeds.Defending the fortress and defending Gyeonggi, you can see Changshui Huqi everywhere.
I ignored my family's objections and went to Changshui.
I do not have choice.
For Ah Yan, I am willing to do anything, including giving up my love for articles and poems, and sharing blood and sweat with a group of illiterate warriors.
Before joining the army, I went to Li's house again.I found an opportunity, behind Brother Yannian's back, quickly and whispered to Ah Yan: "Three years, wait for me for three years!"
Ah Yan was embroidering something, she lowered her head, her hands seemed to stop slightly, but they didn't seem to.
When Li Guangli sent me out, Ah Yan followed me out holding my satin suede cape.
"My lord," she said softly, "you forgot your things."
Li Guangli looked at Ah Yan and me vigilantly, I calmly reached out to take it, and nodded: "Thank you."
There seemed to be something extra under the thick cloak.I hold it in my hand.
After walking a long distance, I took out the thing.
A faint fragrance wafted out.It was a small and exquisite pendant, made of light yellow silk, with a beautiful swallow embroidered with black silk thread.
swallow!
The Han people call it Xinqi Embroidery!
I am ecstatic.
She said yes!She will wait for me!
I successfully joined the Changshui Army. In Changshui Camp, I carefully concealed my intelligence and restrained my interest in writing.I disguised myself so well that no one saw me through. As for the school lieutenant Su Jian, as the outside world said, he treated the Hu people harshly and harshly, and he was often punished heavily for minor mistakes.With my agility and wit, none of them could be spared.I still have a scar on my cheek, which was left by Colonel Su with a horsewhip when he was angry.However, compared with what happened to me later, he was simply merciful. In the Changshui Army, I worked harder than anyone else.At first, I had no interest in horseback riding and archery. What I loved was melody and writing, but later on, my riding and archery skills were even better than all the soldiers in the army. Su Jian began to notice me, he found that I was a little different from others. He was very puzzled by my never-ending diligence, and he didn't understand what motivated me to work so hard.He observed me and questioned me insinuatingly, but I tactfully avoided him every time. I am a little alert, I have seen the fate of those smart and enterprising Hu people in this barracks. During this period, I received another exquisite jade coin sent by Ayan who did not know what method to send.Different from the fancy and useless jade pendants that are made into ornaments on the market today, it is a very old style, simple and rough, and can really be worn on the fingers to guide the bow and string.That excited me for a long time.Obviously, this is Ah Yan's support for my joining the army. In the early summer of the second year, when Changshui was training and competing, the emperor came.This is very rare. During that time, the emperor deliberately showed that he treated the people of Yi and Xia equally. That's a good sign, I thought to myself.Although as a newcomer who has only been in Changshuiying for one year, I am not eligible to participate in the competition selection, but I feel great excitement when I think of meeting the emperor, the supreme ruler of this country, with my own eyes. It was a very hot day, and on that kind of day, wearing a helmet is a real pain.At the end of the day, the clothes in the armor can wring out a ladle of water.Everyone else was made listless by the weather, only my mood was not affected in the slightest. What kind of heroic and wise man is the owner of Weiyang Palace, the king who rules the world's most extensive land, largest population, highest mountains and widest rivers?I was excited and desperate to see him. Yujia finally arrived.The line was very long, with eunuchs, palace guards and entourages covering a distance of two miles. Many soldiers couldn't help but secretly peeped at the gorgeously decorated carriages in the team, which were probably those of the palace family members.I've heard people say for a long time that the emperor is a womanizer, no matter where he goes on tour, there will always be a group of beauties accompanying him.I was the only one who didn't move and didn't look sideways. The emperor got out of his golden car, and I looked at him nervously, the most powerful man in the world.I was far away from him, so I couldn't see his face clearly, but those dazzling costumes, jade algae elongated, Fu Fu Wenxiu, shone brightly under the reflection of the summer sun.I am familiar with the ordinances, and know that every strand of ornamentation contains infinite meaning, and every detail reflects the glory of ancient civilization.I know that they symbolize majesty, benevolence and righteousness, the law of heaven and earth, and the most perfect morality in the world.I am beyond words. When Su Jian came forward to meet him and saluted him, he just nodded slightly, and Captain Su accompanied him to the general's platform. I looked at that distant figure, and my heart trembled. Is he the embodiment of this country, the pinnacle of this civilization?I think that one day, I will use my own efforts to gain his appreciation and become the most outstanding general in this great country! Captain Su waved the command flag and ordered to start the martial arts performance. Formation, swordsmanship, riding and shooting, wrestling... The horseshoes were rising and falling on the martial arts arena, the dust was flying, and even the sky seemed a little dark. No!It's not dust, it's clouds. I looked at the sky, and the clouds covered the sun.A gust of southeast wind blew, bringing the breath of heavy rain. I'm a little frustrated.Looking forward to it, this rare opportunity, will it be ruined by a heavy rain? The sky is getting darker and the wind is getting stronger.Suddenly, a strong wind blew with dust.I stood in front of the wind, almost blinded by the dust that covered the sky and the sun. When I opened my eyes, my eyes accidentally fell on the chariot of a palace family next to the platform.The brocade curtain was blown up by the wind, and now it is falling gently.At the moment when the curtain was about to fall, I saw the passengers inside. Ah Yan! I was stunned and couldn't believe my eyes. My Ah Yeon! The person I have been thinking about day and night and dreaming about, unexpectedly appeared in the imperial chariot!She became the emperor's man! There was a bang in my head. She betrayed me!And I am still working hard under her silent expectation! When did she enter the palace?Why didn't she wait for me? Could it be that I am being self-indulgent? Can, but what about the curtains and jade?Why did she give it to me?To give me those false hints? ! I felt like my heart was suddenly thrown from the top of the mountain to the bottom of the valley. Is there anything funnier in the world than this?I'm working hard here, just to work for the person who took away the woman I love the most? ! Thousands of chaotic thoughts were blasting through my head at the same time, and I just wanted to do something crazy to end it all. It's a nightmare, I said to myself. I want to end this nightmare! My hand unconsciously reaches for the quiver at my waist. However, I don't know what to do. Assassinate the emperor?Kill Ah Yan and then commit suicide? At this moment, there was a bang, and a thunder suddenly sounded in the sky. Things in the world are often like this.If Na Lei had been a little earlier, or a little later, everything after that would have been completely different.However, the thunder rang at that moment, and the fate of you, me, Ayan, the emperor, and thousands of people in the empire has been completely changed since then. Along with the sound of thunder, big raindrops fell down. The team on the school field was slightly agitated by this unexpected change. With a long hiss, some horses in the imperial convoy were startled.Immediately, a carriage rushed out of the team. Ah Yan!It's Ah Yan's! The driver was caught off guard, not only did not pull the rein of the horse, but was thrown to the ground instead. There was no one to drive them, and the frightened horses dragged the carriage on a rampage in the martial arts arena, running wildly, and wherever they went, the crowd hurriedly avoided.The strength of the frightened horse is terrifying, even if it is of copper and iron, if it is stepped on by such a crazy animal, its tendons will definitely be broken. Almost without thinking, I drew out my saber and rushed towards the carriage. "Danger!" "Brother Wei, get out of the way!" the comrades exclaimed. I seem to have never heard of it.In the blink of an eye, the two tall horses rushed over with the momentum of thunder, and the panic-screaming crowd dispersed one after another.When the carriage passed by me, I turned sideways, picked up the reins dragged on the ground with one hand, hurried a few steps, and swung my knife to chop at the fur between the horse and the horse.With a knife down, one of the furs was cut off, but the horse ran so fast that I was dragged to the ground in one fell swoop. There was an exclamation from the crowd. I could see the horseshoes flying up and down beside me, and I could hear the huge wheels roaring behind me. At this moment, as long as I relaxed a little, I would be trampled into a puddle of flesh in an instant. Therefore, even though my body was half-dragged on the ground, bumped and bumped, causing severe pain, I still firmly held on to the reins. The gravel and stones on the ground quickly tore through my clothes and flesh, and more and more dense raindrops hit my face and body.I can't see the surrounding situation clearly at all, but I know that in such a situation, the longer the delay, the more dangerous it is. Once encountering an obstacle, the car will crash and people will die at any time.I resisted the pain, put the saber in my mouth, stretched out my hand to grab the shaft of the carriage, and jumped into the carriage.In the violent turbulence, I took out the saber I was holding in my mouth, and finally cut off all the leather of the carriage. The two horses that were freed from the shackles ran away separately, and the carriage still rushed forward for a while before stopping.I sat up with difficulty, and only then did I feel a burning pain all over my body.Soybean-sized raindrops slammed down and hit me. The rain was mixed with blood and drenched my clothes.I turned around and lifted the curtain, and said loudly, "Ayan! Why!" At the same time, there was a loud boom, and a thunder rolled over my head, drowning out my voice.Under the bright electric light, it was Ah Yan's pale face that was almost bloodless in the car.She stretched out her hand tremblingly, and said, "Lü..." She seemed to want to check my injury. I shouted: "No..." Then a mouthful of blood spewed out, my eyes went dark, and I passed out.
After a long time, I woke up and found that I was lying in my tent. A medical officer is preparing herbal medicine nearby. "You're lucky." The medical officer looked back at me and said, "Do you know who you saved? Mrs. Li, who has recently become the favorite in the harem!" Mrs. Lee?Doting on the harem?I turned my head and closed my eyes. "I originally checked Mrs. Li's pulse. After reading it today, Madam was just a little frightened and nothing serious. Your Majesty asked me to take a look for you. Do you understand?" The medical officer came to me and sat down. He continued, "I have always only served the royal family of the inner court, and never treated foreign ministers. That is to say, His Majesty values you very much." I can't be bothered to talk to him. "Boy, don't think that everyone is blind." The medical officer moved closer to my ear and lowered his voice, "Others can't see it, but I can see it!" I said, "What do you see?" "No one understands the limit of the human body's pain better than the doctor." The medical officer said while cleaning and changing the dressing on my wound, "You have broken three ribs alone, and there is no whole piece of flesh in your body. Let me explain." My eyelids twitched, I opened my eyes, turned my head, stared at the medical officer and asked, "What do you mean?" "Besides, you are still a barbarian!" The medical officer continued after changing the medicine and washing the blood stains on his hands, "For the concubine of a foreign king, why not?" I forced myself to sit up, endured the severe pain of the wound, and looked at him aggressively: "Then what do you think I am for?" The medical officer took a silk scarf, dried his hands, and said slowly: "There are only two possibilities to make a person risk his life to such an extent, extreme love and extreme hatred. Which one do you belong to?" I slowly stretched my hand under the pillow, touched the dagger I usually put there, pulled it out, pointed at the medical officer's throat, and said sharply, "Who are you?" The medical officer's expression remained unchanged, and said: "My surname will follow, and the order of the imperial physician will follow." I said, "What do you want to do?" "It's very simple, help you." The imperial physician said calmly, "A highly skilled imperial physician has many conveniences in the palace, and can do many unimaginable things—for example, do you want to see her again?" I stared into the eyes of the imperial physician and said, "Why help me?" The imperial doctor Sui smiled slightly, held the tip of the sword with two fingers, moved it away gently, and said: "This time you have made great contributions to saving people, and your future is limitless. I want to make a friend with a bright future." I said, "What exactly do you want?" The imperial doctor laughed and said: "You are very smart, you really know everything. Very good, I like to deal with smart people. But don't worry, what I ask is not extravagant, just bring me something from the palace when it is convenient for you come out." I said: "You can't get it in the palace, how can I get it for you outside the palace?" The imperial doctor said: "I said, don't worry when it's convenient for you. Only when you can do it in time, I will ask for it." I said: "Okay, if I can do it, I will do it for you." The imperial physician seemed a little surprised, and said, "Don't you ask me what I want you to take?" I said, "Anything is fine." The doctor Sui nodded and said with a smile: "That's right, you don't even want your life, what else is there to worry about? Maybe if you are asked to steal the arsenal, you will agree to it?" I closed my eyes and said, "Help me meet Mrs. Li." Sui imperial doctor laughed with satisfaction: "It's not what I expected. Boy, I really don't know whether to say you are brave or not. However, the old man sincerely advises you, dancing and advocating kabuki, learning the top skills, is what you want to do." It's up for grabs. If you think about it, Mrs. Li is a national beauty, and it's a disaster rather than a blessing for ordinary people to get it."
A month later, my injuries gradually recovered, and the emperor really called me into the palace and appointed me as a doctor to guard Tianlu Pavilion. Just a month ago, such a job was still my dream job.It's not because of idle work and good salary, but because I have long heard that Tianlu Pavilion is one of the two big book collections in the palace, and it contains the knowledge I most yearn for and admire most in my life.But now, I have no interest in it. I know I should be thankful, but I just can't pull myself together. All my pursuits and dreams disappeared the moment the car curtain was lifted by the wind. The emperor seemed to see that I was not interested in new appointments. "Why," said the emperor, pointing to the bamboo slips in the room, "you don't like this place?" I said dumbly, "I don't dare." The emperor said: "Do you know how many scholars in the world dream of entering this place?" I said: "I am not a scholar in the first place!" As soon as the words came out, I realized that my attitude was extremely disrespectful. During this period of time, I have been privately hinted by some well-meaning colleagues that the current emperor is mean and difficult to serve, so be careful after entering the palace, and don't get disobedient.I'm almost ready to pay for my disrespect. Unexpectedly, the emperor didn't think it was disobedient at all, he waved his hand with a smile and said, "It doesn't matter, you will get used to it after working for a long time." There was even a trace of satisfaction in the emperor's magnanimous smile. A pawn of low status, who was favored by him, was not only ungrateful, but even harbored resentment, how could he be satisfied?Why? But I don't want to know. In this way, Tianlu Pavilion, which was built by Xiao He back then, is one of the two major collection pavilions alongside Shiqu Pavilion. Since then, it has become my jurisdiction. I command a team of guards, but I am neither subordinate to Lang Zhongling nor Weiwei, but directly obey the emperor.Only the emperor and I have the key to Tianlu Pavilion. Why?I don't want to know either. I was on duty on time every day, and I did my job without fawning or slacking off. I kept few words and made no friends with anyone. Most of the bamboo slips and slips in Tianlu Pavilion are old. There are neither secret military and political documents nor population registers. You can smell a strong old musty smell when you enter the door. Some slips and slips are so dilapidated that they look hundreds of years old.It's such a dilapidated place, but there are twice as many guards as Shiqu Pavilion. Why?I still don't want to know. The emperor was very clean, and if his clothes and shoes were slightly stained, he would be furious at his attendants. However, every time he came here, he would often hold those old and decayed bamboo slips, and would not let go of the scrolls. Why?I never asked either. What does it all have to do with me? All I care about now is when I can see Ah Yan, and I need to ask clearly.
Under the arrangement of the imperial physician, I finally saw Ah Yan again in a dark corner of Yongxiang. As soon as Ah Yan saw me, she said anxiously: "Lü, how is your injury..." I said: "Why! Why didn't you wait for me? Tell me the reason!" A Yan said: "I heard that His Majesty asked you to guard Tianlu Pavilion, is that true? Lu, be careful, don't..." I grabbed Ah Yan's shoulder and said, "Tell me, why didn't you wait for me?" Ah Yan looked at me, her eyes slowly filled with tears. "It was you... who rejected me!" She trembled, with a look of pain flashing in her eyes, "And you actually asked me why I didn't wait for you?" "What?" I was stunned, faintly feeling that something was wrong, "Say it again!" Ah Yan said softly: "You rejected me! Rejected me again and again! Do you want me to have the audacity to beg for your love?!" "What?" I yelled, "When did I ever say no to you?!" Ah Yan stretched out her hand, picked up the drapery around my waist, and gently stroked the flying swallow embroidery on it: "Aren't you a barbarian? Don't you know that in the legend of barbarians, swallows once helped An Goddess Ge got rid of the confinement of her father, the God of the North Sea, and flew away with her lover?" It was as if something suddenly hit my chest hard, and my heart was so shocked that it almost stopped beating. “你说……燕子就是……”我颤声道，“你愿意？” “你以为呢？”阿妍的手又移到我的右手，抚摸着我拇指上的那枚玉韘，道，“那么这个呢？你难道不知道，在胡人的习俗里，一个女子将引弓控弦的玉韘戴在一个男人指上，就是把她的全部生命都交托给了这个人？” 我脑中轰轰作响，仿佛千万匹烈马在里面奔腾踩踏。 “我不知道，”我喃喃地道，“真的不知道……” 阿妍道：“你不知道？你那么聪明，你连乐府的编钟高半个音都听得出来，连《上林赋》那么典雅的辞章都知道其中每一个字词的含意，我不相信，你会不知道自己族裔最明了、最浅显的表白。” There was a whirlwind. 是的，我知道一个哪怕最生僻的汉字的读法，却不知道在我的故乡，燕子就是帮助情人私奔的使者，而玉韘就是定情的信物。 早在很久以前，我就把我的族裔的历史和风俗彻底抛弃了。 天哪，我都干了些什么？ !阿妍鼓起勇气，一次次向我表达自己的心意，而我居然茫然无知，任她承受被弃绝的羞辱和绝望！ 我心如刀绞，抓着自己的头发道：“我……我……不知道。我……我一直想真正融入中原。我怕你因为我是胡人……” 阿妍抚着我右手的手忽然有些僵硬。“胡人？”她道，“你就这么厌恶自己的族属？” 我低下头道：“我……” 阿妍忽然笑了起来，我惊愕地抬起头来。 阿妍用一种我从来没有见过的奇怪表情笑着，笑完后，才无比悲凉地道：“律，知道吗，我也有胡人的血统。我的祖先是中山白狄！” What? ! 阿妍道：“我第一次对你产生好感，就是在听到你用胡笳吹起那首胡曲时。那一刻，我仿佛看到了我远祖游牧过的草原。我此生最大的愿望，就是和你一起，在那样一片辽阔的草原上，自由自在地牧马放羊。” 啊，我在干什么？ ! 我犯了什么样的错误？ ! 这么多年来我究竟干了些什么？ ! 为了拥有自己的幸福，我费尽心机，努力清洗着身上的胡人血液，要将自己漂染成一个纯粹的汉家子民，结果反而失去了自己最大的幸福。这就是我因背叛自己的族裔而受到的惩罚吗？ “阿妍，原谅我，原谅我……”我一遍遍地重复道。除了这句话，我不知道还能说什么。看着拇指上温润的玉韘，我忽然感到那玉韘像烈火一样灼热起来。 啊，我希望这真的是一把烈火，烧了我，烧了这个世界，让一切从头开始！ 我深吸一口气，道：“是的，我该死。我该死一千遍、一万遍来赎罪。阿妍，让我带你走吧，让我们离开这里……” “走？”阿妍悲伤地一笑，“你不觉得现在说这话太迟了吗？当你三天两头借故到乐府来找我时，你不带我走；当你以胡笳向我传情时，你不带我走；当你从那帮恶少手中把我救出来时，你不带我走；当我偷偷把佩帏交给你的时候，你不带我走；当我费尽心力避开哥哥们的盯视把玉韘传递给你的时候，你不带我走。现在，我属于这个帝国最有权势的人，而你在他的手下为臣，你说要带我走？！普天之下，莫非王土。我们能逃到哪里去？况且我现在身系李家满门的生死祸福，你还能带走我全家吗？” 我呻吟了一声，周围的世界仿佛都向我坍陷下来，我被那巨大的压力压得慢慢坐倒在地。 阿妍把那枚佩帏放在我手里，又握住我的手，凄然一笑，道：“罢了，一切都是命。律，我不能给你什么，只能给你这个了。在汉话里，燕与妍同音。在胡语中，燕子就是吉祥鸟。无论在胡在汉，我都望你日后平平安安，吉祥如意。” 我颤抖着手抚摸着那只燕子。 平平安安，吉祥如意。 我的余生，还有什么吉祥？还有什么如意？ 我颤声道：“阿妍，你……现在……过得好吗？” 阿妍垂下眼帘，道：“什么叫好，什么叫不好？他的年龄足可以做我的父亲，然而他是皇帝，你觉得我好还是不好？” “阿妍，是我……害了你。”我伸出手，想要抱住我可怜的阿妍。 阿妍轻轻推开我的手，道：“就当一切从未发生过吧。你现在非常危险，律，千万不能让陛下知道你识字！记住，这是性命攸关的事啊！” 我缩回手，抱着自己的脑袋蹲了下去。 “律，你说话啊。”阿妍抓住我的双臂，摇撼着道，“你听到没有？” 我抬起头来，茫然道：“听到什么？” 阿妍急急地道：“别让陛下知道你识字！” 我木然地道：“为什么？” 阿妍道：“我不知道。天禄阁里有些东西，陛下不想让别人看到。曾经有个侍卫企图偷看那里的东西，被陛下杀了。这段时间，他一直在找一个不识字又忠实可靠的人，来为他看守天禄阁。你来自长水营，陛下必然以为你不识字，见你身手又好，所以才任命你做守卫。如果他发现你看得懂，你会有性命之忧的！记住了吗？” “是吗？”我懒懒地笑了笑，道，“阿妍，谢谢你还挂念我这条微不足道的生命。” 阿妍看着我，眼中掠过一丝焦虑。她看出了我颓唐的笑容背后隐藏着的东西。 “律，不要这样！”阿妍抓起我的手握住，看着我的眼睛，一字一句地道，“即使你我已没有未来，但依然要活在当下。宫中人心险恶，未来不管遇到怎样的困苦艰危，律，记着我希望你活下去！如果、如果我知道你已经不在这个世上，我会到另一个世界去找你……” 阿妍擦拭着眼泪消失在长长的永巷尽头，我向她的背影伸出手去，想抓住点什么，却只是抓在无尽的虚空里。
随太医见到我，笑嘻嘻地道：“如何？老夫答应你的事已经办到了，你答应老夫的事，能否办到呢？” 我意兴萧索地道：“要我拿什么东西？” 随太医道：“一些简牍。” 简牍？我心里一阵厌恶，冷冷地道：“什么简牍？” 随太医却犹豫起来，道：“我不是很……清楚。” 我道：“你要什么书，自己都不清楚？” 随太医踌躇了一下，道：“是这样，你听说过……鲁恭王献书吗？” 鲁恭王献书？ 我有些意外。多年前，鲁恭王为扩建宫室，挖坏了孔府墙壁，结果奇事发生了。那墙中居然发出悠扬的古丝竹之声，在场工匠吓得逃走的逃走，下跪的下跪，乱作一团。后来鲁恭王闻讯亲自到场，结果发现在那堵墙中，居然埋藏着大量古旧简牍。那时朝廷推尊儒术，鼓励天下献书，这批古简就被悉数送往长安，藏于密室。 难道随太医说的就是那批书？一个太医，怎么会对这种老儒们的破烂儿感兴趣？ 我道：“就是孔府夹墙里的那些书？” 随太医道：“不错。陛下命董仲舒、孔安国等几位大儒考订，据说，那些字都是先秦古文，极难辨识。他们参考伏生所传的书经，解读出《尚书》、《礼记》、、《孝经》等篇章，但还有一部分简牍，字体更为古旧，可能是上古蝌蚪字。就已经解读出的片言只字，内容与现今所传之儒家经典大相径庭，难以索解。陛下将之密藏于天禄阁中，禁止常人接近。” 我道：“你要这简牍做什么？” 随太医道：“我猜那可能是一部医书！” 我一怔，道：“医书？” 随太医点点头，道：“我听说，关于这部书，有些大儒从那些勉强辨识出的片断中，推测书中隐藏着一个巨大的秘密，谁若能破解这秘密，或可有起死回生之能。我在猜，那些大儒之所以无法破译，也许是因为他们的思路一开始就走错了——那简牍很有可能根本就不是什么儒家经典，而是一部医书！相传上古有些神医，有起死者肉白骨之能，也许那批古简就是记载着这一类知识。因为是医书，从儒学的角度来看，自然不明所以，说不定我这个医者，倒有可能看得懂。可惜陛下将那些简牍看得太紧了，除了那几名他最亲信的大儒，谁也无法接触。可是身为医者，知道有这么一部奇书存在，焉能不为之动心？医家的宗旨是救死扶伤，这不是什么大逆不道的事。如果我有幸破解此书奥秘，将来得以解救无数生命，也有足下的一份功劳嘛。而且我只是借来看看，看完就还给你。你如今执掌天禄阁，拿些书出来，再悄悄放回去，谁也不会知道，没有任何风险。” 没有任何风险？ 曾经有个侍卫企图偷看那里的东西，被陛下杀了。 我心里冷笑了一下，道：“我不怕风险，问题是你都不知道书中写的什么，在下只字不识，岂非更难找寻？” 随太医微微一笑，道：“你不识字？”忽然一把抓起我的右手，“这是一双不识字之人的手？” 我倒抽了一口冷气——指间那结实的刀笔硬茧出卖了我！ “放心，”随太医松开我的手，微笑道，“我是医者，别人是不会这么仔细的。而且，我有办法帮你磨掉这些笔茧，遮上这个漏洞。至于你说不知道此书内容，这么一部无人能识的天书，不是反而更容易找到？找你看不懂的文字就是。另外，陛下对这些简牍也很感兴趣，你可以看看陛下每次入阁常看的简牍里，有没有这么一些东西。” 我注视着随太医，道：“你早就知道我会被陛下选中入值天禄阁？” 随太医得意地笑道：“不，我只是赌了一把。今上正在物色合适的人选，那次破例亲临长水，本就是为了挑人。你奋不顾身救了他的宠姬，这比校场比武选出来的还要令他满意。很幸运，我赌对了。”
随太医提到的“天书”，确实不难找。 天禄阁深处有间密室，室内堆放着数百卷简牍，极其残旧，有些甚至已朽断霉烂，难以卒读，可皇帝偏偏对这些简牍异常重视，每来天禄阁，几乎都会入室翻阅，而且一看就是半天。 每次皇帝看这批竹简，都不让任何人站在他近旁侍奉。我也只是有几次站在数丈开外的地方，看见皇帝像捧着珍贵异常的珠宝似的，捧着那些残旧不堪的竹简，坐在案边，一篇篇细看，还常常从书架上取些其他文章简牍对照参研，往往苦思冥想半天，似乎不得要领，又轻轻叹一口气，小心翼翼地放回原处。 偶尔皇帝会召一两个大儒来天禄阁，进入密室一起参研那些古简。每当此时，他会屏退一切从人，包括我。 若在以前，见这种异状，我必然大感兴趣。可任职天禄阁以来，我因为阿妍的事心灰意懒，情绪低落，除了必要的巡视整理，我从不主动入阁。就是随皇帝进入密室，我也只是奉命守卫，从不关心他在看什么书。 我现在关心的，也只是如何才能窃取到这些简牍，而简牍究竟有何特异珍贵之处，我并不关心。于我而言，这世上最珍贵的东西，我已经永远地失去了。从此以后，不会再有任何奇珍异宝能打动我。 密室的锁是考工室的工匠精心打造的，构造复杂，分量沉重，不是一般人可以开得了的，钥匙只有皇帝一个人有。若强行撬凿，必然会发出很大的响声，外面也可听到。 一天，皇帝召孔安国到天禄阁，屏退他人，我在门口守着。等了半天，忽然听到室内砰的一声，似是什么东西被重重砸在地上。我吃了一惊，唯恐出什么意外，忙推门而入，只见孔安国正跪在地上，前面是一册被砸坏的古简，皇帝怒喝道：“不知道不知道！除了不知道，你还会说什么？！是不是鲁恭王拆了你们孔府几间旧宅，你就怨恨到这种程度？用这种方式来报复？” 孔安国叩首道：“臣不敢，陛下息怒。先君藏书，本为留待后人得之，臣岂敢有所怨于恭王？这些古简的文字确实古旧艰深，臣所知有限，陛下不妨先将这些古简封存起来，留待后世。将来或有博古硕儒，能解开其中奥秘……” 皇帝更怒：“留待后世？现世都解不开，后世反而能解开？你拿这话去骗三岁小儿！” 孔安国看着地上，一语不发。 皇帝恶狠狠地盯着孔安国，室内一时只听得到皇帝粗重的呼吸声。 我小心地走过去，收起地上的乱简，目光迅速从那简上扫过，只见那简上尽是一种从未见过的异常古怪的文字。我不露声色，将竹简收拾好，放在皇帝身前的几案上。皇帝看也没看我一眼，只是不耐烦地向我挥了挥手，我躬身退出。 皇帝勉强沉了沉气，又对孔安国道：“你是孔家后代，又精通古文，将来的学者再有智慧，能比你更有条件来识读这古简的内容吗？你能看懂多少，就说多少。董仲舒说这三个字像是'当涂高'。你觉得呢？这'当涂高'到底是谁？” 孔安国道：“'当涂'者，当道也。可能是说那当道掌权之人姓高吧……” 皇帝怒喝道：“放屁！这么简单还要你来解……” 他们后来的对话，因为我已退出密室，听不太清了。
一个月后，我将一批简牍放到随太医面前。 随太医欣喜万分，一把抓起其中一卷，打开来贪婪地看着，看了一会儿，点头叹道：“难怪那些大儒费尽心血也不明所以，这文字果然古怪。等我一下，待我誊录一份后再还给你。” 我道：“不用了，这份就是副本。” 随太医道：“你说什么？” 我道：“我不能把原件拿出来，陛下这段时间经常要取阅。我分几次看了回去抄下来的。放心，我不会抄错一个字。” 随太医吃惊地道：“你是说，你看了默记在心里，然后回去再写下来？” 我道：“是。” 随太医道：“这些字你都看得懂？” 我道：“不，这种文字我从未见过。” 随太医上下打量了我一下，拎起手中那册简牍在我面前一抖，道：“就这份，你能不能现在再写一遍？” 我微微一笑，道：“你怕我随便乱涂点东西来蒙你？”说罢便在几案旁坐下，拿过一卷空白简牍，提起笔来便写。 一卷很快就写完了，我交给随太医，道：“要不要再默写一卷？要的话快说，我还要回宫当值。” 随太医疑惑地看了我一眼，拿起手里那份简牍，对照着我现写的这份，逐字逐句地看。看完后，他用一种不可思议的眼神看着我，道：“我再问你一遍，你此前真的没见过这种文字？” 我好笑地道：“孔府出土这批竹简，难道还先给我过目一遍吗？” 随太医看着我，半晌才轻轻叹了口气，道：“几万个从没见过的古文字，只凭强记，能将形状、顺序全都记下来，你……唉，你要不是胡人，只怕取功名富贵如探囊取物。” 我将笔一扔，站起来道：“功名富贵有什么用？” 随太医道：“年轻人，失去的就不要再多想了，珍惜你所拥有的吧，奢求注定得不到的，只是徒增烦恼而已。” 我道：“那么你呢？你又在追求什么？前面那个被处死的侍卫，就是被你收买了想去偷这书的吧？你说的这'医书'，未能医人倒先杀人，我看不出有什么好的。” 随太医眯起眼睛，看了我一会儿，点头道：“我早就知道，你不是那些没头脑的寻常武夫可比的。不过，你说的你那前任，我没有逼他，是他自己愿意的。他私通宫人，把人家肚子搞大了，是我给那宫人施针用药，悄悄引产，救了他二人的性命。他还我一条命，也不算亏——何况他还没得手。” 我道：“我有点不明白，你身为太医令，人称'神医'，名利禄位皆有，还要这种东西干什么？” 随太医沉默了一会儿，幽幽地道：“神医？我治愈过成百上千人，却救不了自己的儿子。他痈发于背，已经快不行了。我什么法子都用过了，就是治不好。我曾精研过一篇铭刻在古器上的《黄帝内经》，对古文字略知一二，听说这古简提到过什么起死回生的事，人到了这一步，真的假的都要试一试了。” 说到这里，随太医那双一贯精明的眼中，浮起了一层忧郁。这倒使我对这个城府颇深的太医有了一种新的印象。
密室里，我抚摸着那一卷卷年深日久的古简，一时竟有些舍不得离去。一个月的识读强记，使我对这些记录着怪异文字的简牍产生了一种奇妙的感情。 虽然我看不懂那些文字，但就像随太医说的，人若在现实中遭遇巨大的困厄苦痛，便往往会寄希望于一些神秘莫测的东西。似乎那种超出理性的神秘力量的存在，使人世间种种障碍险阻显得不那么绝对无法逾越了。 子不语怪力乱神，为什么这批孔府古简，如今却被传得神乎其神？ 我随意打开一册古简，看着上面那一个个状如虫兽的文字，陷入了迷茫。这些形状怪异的文字所记录的，真的是儒家的文章吗？ 儒家的经典，大多我都读过，无外乎仁义和复古。在我看来，那些观念多少有些迂腐。先秦诸子，我最感兴趣的，是庄周。我喜欢他文章的汪洋恣肆、譬喻大胆。境界之高、眼界之广，和儒家那些说教比起来，真不可以道里计。 况且儒学还是一门曾中断过的学问。秦始皇焚书坑儒，儒学在中原大地一度绝迹。直到秦亡汉兴，才有一些老儒凭着自己的记忆，向后生晚辈传授经典，却因口音、记忆等各种问题，产生了讹错分歧。 我不明白，一个鼓吹仁义和等级秩序的学说，有什么可令统治者不安的？竟至于要用杀人烧书的极端手段灭绝之？ 今上独尊儒术，鼓励献书，民间献书之风大起，各地陆陆续续出现了许多儒学古书，那多是当年焚书令下后，一些儒生冒死藏在墙中地下的。百年变迁，许多简牍已散乱脱落，面目全非，加上其中又有许多是秦始皇统一文字之前的简牍，那些已失传的奇形怪状的六国文字，不但没能解开人们的疑惑，反而使那些古老的经典更加云山雾罩，众说纷纭。譬如便有申培公、辕固生、韩太傅三家；《春秋》有胡毋生、董仲舒等；《尚书》有伏生、孔安国等。这些大儒，或凭记忆，或依古籍，各自传授自己所认定的“真本”，莫衷一是。我也不明白，这些章句之争有什么意义。 这一批孔府藏书，当初又是孔家哪一位学者、为了什么藏起来
I successfully joined the Changshui Army. In Changshui Camp, I carefully concealed my intelligence and restrained my interest in writing.I disguised myself so well that no one saw me through. As for the school lieutenant Su Jian, as the outside world said, he treated the Hu people harshly and harshly, and he was often punished heavily for minor mistakes.With my agility and wit, none of them could be spared.I still have a scar on my cheek, which was left by Colonel Su with a horsewhip when he was angry.However, compared with what happened to me later, he was simply merciful. In the Changshui Army, I worked harder than anyone else.At first, I had no interest in horseback riding and archery. What I loved was melody and writing, but later on, my riding and archery skills were even better than all the soldiers in the army. Su Jian began to notice me, he found that I was a little different from others. He was very puzzled by my never-ending diligence, and he didn't understand what motivated me to work so hard.He observed me and questioned me insinuatingly, but I tactfully avoided him every time. I am a little alert, I have seen the fate of those smart and enterprising Hu people in this barracks. During this period, I received another exquisite jade coin sent by Ayan who did not know what method to send.Different from the fancy and useless jade pendants that are made into ornaments on the market today, it is a very old style, simple and rough, and can really be worn on the fingers to guide the bow and string.That excited me for a long time.Obviously, this is Ah Yan's support for my joining the army. In the early summer of the second year, when Changshui was training and competing, the emperor came.This is very rare. During that time, the emperor deliberately showed that he treated the people of Yi and Xia equally. That's a good sign, I thought to myself.Although as a newcomer who has only been in Changshuiying for one year, I am not eligible to participate in the competition selection, but I feel great excitement when I think of meeting the emperor, the supreme ruler of this country, with my own eyes. It was a very hot day, and on that kind of day, wearing a helmet is a real pain.At the end of the day, the clothes in the armor can wring out a ladle of water.Everyone else was made listless by the weather, only my mood was not affected in the slightest. What kind of heroic and wise man is the owner of Weiyang Palace, the king who rules the world's most extensive land, largest population, highest mountains and widest rivers?I was excited and desperate to see him. Yujia finally arrived.The line was very long, with eunuchs, palace guards and entourages covering a distance of two miles. Many soldiers couldn't help but secretly peeped at the gorgeously decorated carriages in the team, which were probably those of the palace family members.I've heard people say for a long time that the emperor is a womanizer, no matter where he goes on tour, there will always be a group of beauties accompanying him.I was the only one who didn't move and didn't look sideways. The emperor got out of his golden car, and I looked at him nervously, the most powerful man in the world.I was far away from him, so I couldn't see his face clearly, but those dazzling costumes, jade algae elongated, Fu Fu Wenxiu, shone brightly under the reflection of the summer sun.I am familiar with the ordinances, and know that every strand of ornamentation contains infinite meaning, and every detail reflects the glory of ancient civilization.I know that they symbolize majesty, benevolence and righteousness, the law of heaven and earth, and the most perfect morality in the world.I am beyond words. When Su Jian came forward to meet him and saluted him, he just nodded slightly, and Captain Su accompanied him to the general's platform. I looked at that distant figure, and my heart trembled. Is he the embodiment of this country, the pinnacle of this civilization?I think that one day, I will use my own efforts to gain his appreciation and become the most outstanding general in this great country! Captain Su waved the command flag and ordered to start the martial arts performance. Formation, swordsmanship, riding and shooting, wrestling... The horseshoes were rising and falling on the martial arts arena, the dust was flying, and even the sky seemed a little dark. No!It's not dust, it's clouds. I looked at the sky, and the clouds covered the sun.A gust of southeast wind blew, bringing the breath of heavy rain. I'm a little frustrated.Looking forward to it, this rare opportunity, will it be ruined by a heavy rain? The sky is getting darker and the wind is getting stronger.Suddenly, a strong wind blew with dust.I stood in front of the wind, almost blinded by the dust that covered the sky and the sun. When I opened my eyes, my eyes accidentally fell on the chariot of a palace family next to the platform.The brocade curtain was blown up by the wind, and now it is falling gently.At the moment when the curtain was about to fall, I saw the passengers inside. Ah Yan! I was stunned and couldn't believe my eyes. My Ah Yeon! The person I have been thinking about day and night and dreaming about, unexpectedly appeared in the imperial chariot!She became the emperor's man! There was a bang in my head. She betrayed me!And I am still working hard under her silent expectation! When did she enter the palace?Why didn't she wait for me? Could it be that I am being self-indulgent? Can, but what about the curtains and jade?Why did she give it to me?To give me those false hints? ! I felt like my heart was suddenly thrown from the top of the mountain to the bottom of the valley. Is there anything funnier in the world than this?I'm working hard here, just to work for the person who took away the woman I love the most? ! Thousands of chaotic thoughts were blasting through my head at the same time, and I just wanted to do something crazy to end it all. It's a nightmare, I said to myself. I want to end this nightmare! My hand unconsciously reaches for the quiver at my waist. However, I don't know what to do. Assassinate the emperor?Kill Ah Yan and then commit suicide? At this moment, there was a bang, and a thunder suddenly sounded in the sky. Things in the world are often like this.If Na Lei had been a little earlier, or a little later, everything after that would have been completely different.However, the thunder rang at that moment, and the fate of you, me, Ayan, the emperor, and thousands of people in the empire has been completely changed since then. Along with the sound of thunder, big raindrops fell down. The team on the school field was slightly agitated by this unexpected change. With a long hiss, some horses in the imperial convoy were startled.Immediately, a carriage rushed out of the team. Ah Yan!It's Ah Yan's! The driver was caught off guard, not only did not pull the rein of the horse, but was thrown to the ground instead. There was no one to drive them, and the frightened horses dragged the carriage on a rampage in the martial arts arena, running wildly, and wherever they went, the crowd hurriedly avoided.The strength of the frightened horse is terrifying, even if it is of copper and iron, if it is stepped on by such a crazy animal, its tendons will definitely be broken. Almost without thinking, I drew out my saber and rushed towards the carriage. "Danger!" "Brother Wei, get out of the way!" the comrades exclaimed. I seem to have never heard of it.In the blink of an eye, the two tall horses rushed over with the momentum of thunder, and the panic-screaming crowd dispersed one after another.When the carriage passed by me, I turned sideways, picked up the reins dragged on the ground with one hand, hurried a few steps, and swung my knife to chop at the fur between the horse and the horse.With a knife down, one of the furs was cut off, but the horse ran so fast that I was dragged to the ground in one fell swoop. There was an exclamation from the crowd. I could see the horseshoes flying up and down beside me, and I could hear the huge wheels roaring behind me. At this moment, as long as I relaxed a little, I would be trampled into a puddle of flesh in an instant. Therefore, even though my body was half-dragged on the ground, bumped and bumped, causing severe pain, I still firmly held on to the reins. The gravel and stones on the ground quickly tore through my clothes and flesh, and more and more dense raindrops hit my face and body.I can't see the surrounding situation clearly at all, but I know that in such a situation, the longer the delay, the more dangerous it is. Once encountering an obstacle, the car will crash and people will die at any time.I resisted the pain, put the saber in my mouth, stretched out my hand to grab the shaft of the carriage, and jumped into the carriage.In the violent turbulence, I took out the saber I was holding in my mouth, and finally cut off all the leather of the carriage. The two horses that were freed from the shackles ran away separately, and the carriage still rushed forward for a while before stopping.I sat up with difficulty, and only then did I feel a burning pain all over my body.Soybean-sized raindrops slammed down and hit me. The rain was mixed with blood and drenched my clothes.I turned around and lifted the curtain, and said loudly, "Ayan! Why!" At the same time, there was a loud boom, and a thunder rolled over my head, drowning out my voice.Under the bright electric light, it was Ah Yan's pale face that was almost bloodless in the car.She stretched out her hand tremblingly, and said, "Lü..." She seemed to want to check my injury. I shouted: "No..." Then a mouthful of blood spewed out, my eyes went dark, and I passed out.
After a long time, I woke up and found that I was lying in my tent. A medical officer is preparing herbal medicine nearby. "You're lucky." The medical officer looked back at me and said, "Do you know who you saved? Mrs. Li, who has recently become the favorite in the harem!" Mrs. Lee?Doting on the harem?I turned my head and closed my eyes. "I originally checked Mrs. Li's pulse. After reading it today, Madam was just a little frightened and nothing serious. Your Majesty asked me to take a look for you. Do you understand?" The medical officer came to me and sat down. He continued, "I have always only served the royal family of the inner court, and never treated foreign ministers. That is to say, His Majesty values you very much." I can't be bothered to talk to him. "Boy, don't think that everyone is blind." The medical officer moved closer to my ear and lowered his voice, "Others can't see it, but I can see it!" I said, "What do you see?" "No one understands the limit of the human body's pain better than the doctor." The medical officer said while cleaning and changing the dressing on my wound, "You have broken three ribs alone, and there is no whole piece of flesh in your body. Let me explain." My eyelids twitched, I opened my eyes, turned my head, stared at the medical officer and asked, "What do you mean?" "Besides, you are still a barbarian!" The medical officer continued after changing the medicine and washing the blood stains on his hands, "For the concubine of a foreign king, why not?" I forced myself to sit up, endured the severe pain of the wound, and looked at him aggressively: "Then what do you think I am for?" The medical officer took a silk scarf, dried his hands, and said slowly: "There are only two possibilities to make a person risk his life to such an extent, extreme love and extreme hatred. Which one do you belong to?" I slowly stretched my hand under the pillow, touched the dagger I usually put there, pulled it out, pointed at the medical officer's throat, and said sharply, "Who are you?" The medical officer's expression remained unchanged, and said: "My surname will follow, and the order of the imperial physician will follow." I said, "What do you want to do?" "It's very simple, help you." The imperial physician said calmly, "A highly skilled imperial physician has many conveniences in the palace, and can do many unimaginable things—for example, do you want to see her again?" I stared into the eyes of the imperial physician and said, "Why help me?" The imperial doctor Sui smiled slightly, held the tip of the sword with two fingers, moved it away gently, and said: "This time you have made great contributions to saving people, and your future is limitless. I want to make a friend with a bright future." I said, "What exactly do you want?" The imperial doctor laughed and said: "You are very smart, you really know everything. Very good, I like to deal with smart people. But don't worry, what I ask is not extravagant, just bring me something from the palace when it is convenient for you come out." I said: "You can't get it in the palace, how can I get it for you outside the palace?" The imperial doctor said: "I said, don't worry when it's convenient for you. Only when you can do it in time, I will ask for it." I said: "Okay, if I can do it, I will do it for you." The imperial physician seemed a little surprised, and said, "Don't you ask me what I want you to take?" I said, "Anything is fine." The doctor Sui nodded and said with a smile: "That's right, you don't even want your life, what else is there to worry about? Maybe if you are asked to steal the arsenal, you will agree to it?" I closed my eyes and said, "Help me meet Mrs. Li." Sui imperial doctor laughed with satisfaction: "It's not what I expected. Boy, I really don't know whether to say you are brave or not. However, the old man sincerely advises you, dancing and advocating kabuki, learning the top skills, is what you want to do." It's up for grabs. If you think about it, Mrs. Li is a national beauty, and it's a disaster rather than a blessing for ordinary people to get it."
A month later, my injuries gradually recovered, and the emperor really called me into the palace and appointed me as a doctor to guard Tianlu Pavilion. Just a month ago, such a job was still my dream job.It's not because of idle work and good salary, but because I have long heard that Tianlu Pavilion is one of the two big book collections in the palace, and it contains the knowledge I most yearn for and admire most in my life.But now, I have no interest in it. I know I should be thankful, but I just can't pull myself together. All my pursuits and dreams disappeared the moment the car curtain was lifted by the wind. The emperor seemed to see that I was not interested in new appointments. "Why," said the emperor, pointing to the bamboo slips in the room, "you don't like this place?" I said dumbly, "I don't dare." The emperor said: "Do you know how many scholars in the world dream of entering this place?" I said: "I am not a scholar in the first place!" As soon as the words came out, I realized that my attitude was extremely disrespectful. During this period of time, I have been privately hinted by some well-meaning colleagues that the current emperor is mean and difficult to serve, so be careful after entering the palace, and don't get disobedient.I'm almost ready to pay for my disrespect. Unexpectedly, the emperor didn't think it was disobedient at all, he waved his hand with a smile and said, "It doesn't matter, you will get used to it after working for a long time." There was even a trace of satisfaction in the emperor's magnanimous smile. A pawn of low status, who was favored by him, was not only ungrateful, but even harbored resentment, how could he be satisfied?Why? But I don't want to know. In this way, Tianlu Pavilion, which was built by Xiao He back then, is one of the two major collection pavilions alongside Shiqu Pavilion. Since then, it has become my jurisdiction. I command a team of guards, but I am neither subordinate to Lang Zhongling nor Weiwei, but directly obey the emperor.Only the emperor and I have the key to Tianlu Pavilion. Why?I don't want to know either. I was on duty on time every day, and I did my job without fawning or slacking off. I kept few words and made no friends with anyone. Most of the bamboo slips and slips in Tianlu Pavilion are old. There are neither secret military and political documents nor population registers. You can smell a strong old musty smell when you enter the door. Some slips and slips are so dilapidated that they look hundreds of years old.It's such a dilapidated place, but there are twice as many guards as Shiqu Pavilion. Why?I still don't want to know. The emperor was very clean, and if his clothes and shoes were slightly stained, he would be furious at his attendants. However, every time he came here, he would often hold those old and decayed bamboo slips, and would not let go of the scrolls. Why?I never asked either. What does it all have to do with me? All I care about now is when I can see Ah Yan, and I need to ask clearly.
Under the arrangement of the imperial physician, I finally saw Ah Yan again in a dark corner of Yongxiang. As soon as Ah Yan saw me, she said anxiously: "Lü, how is your injury..." I said: "Why! Why didn't you wait for me? Tell me the reason!" A Yan said: "I heard that His Majesty asked you to guard Tianlu Pavilion, is that true? Lu, be careful, don't..." I grabbed Ah Yan's shoulder and said, "Tell me, why didn't you wait for me?" Ah Yan looked at me, her eyes slowly filled with tears. "It was you... who rejected me!" She trembled, with a look of pain flashing in her eyes, "And you actually asked me why I didn't wait for you?" "What?" I was stunned, faintly feeling that something was wrong, "Say it again!" Ah Yan said softly: "You rejected me! Rejected me again and again! Do you want me to have the audacity to beg for your love?!" "What?" I yelled, "When did I ever say no to you?!" Ah Yan stretched out her hand, picked up the drapery around my waist, and gently stroked the flying swallow embroidery on it: "Aren't you a barbarian? Don't you know that in the legend of barbarians, swallows once helped An Goddess Ge got rid of the confinement of her father, the God of the North Sea, and flew away with her lover?" It was as if something suddenly hit my chest hard, and my heart was so shocked that it almost stopped beating. “你说……燕子就是……”我颤声道，“你愿意？” “你以为呢？”阿妍的手又移到我的右手，抚摸着我拇指上的那枚玉韘，道，“那么这个呢？你难道不知道，在胡人的习俗里，一个女子将引弓控弦的玉韘戴在一个男人指上，就是把她的全部生命都交托给了这个人？” 我脑中轰轰作响，仿佛千万匹烈马在里面奔腾踩踏。 “我不知道，”我喃喃地道，“真的不知道……” 阿妍道：“你不知道？你那么聪明，你连乐府的编钟高半个音都听得出来，连《上林赋》那么典雅的辞章都知道其中每一个字词的含意，我不相信，你会不知道自己族裔最明了、最浅显的表白。” There was a whirlwind. 是的，我知道一个哪怕最生僻的汉字的读法，却不知道在我的故乡，燕子就是帮助情人私奔的使者，而玉韘就是定情的信物。 早在很久以前，我就把我的族裔的历史和风俗彻底抛弃了。 天哪，我都干了些什么？ !阿妍鼓起勇气，一次次向我表达自己的心意，而我居然茫然无知，任她承受被弃绝的羞辱和绝望！ 我心如刀绞，抓着自己的头发道：“我……我……不知道。我……我一直想真正融入中原。我怕你因为我是胡人……” 阿妍抚着我右手的手忽然有些僵硬。“胡人？”她道，“你就这么厌恶自己的族属？” 我低下头道：“我……” 阿妍忽然笑了起来，我惊愕地抬起头来。 阿妍用一种我从来没有见过的奇怪表情笑着，笑完后，才无比悲凉地道：“律，知道吗，我也有胡人的血统。我的祖先是中山白狄！” What? ! 阿妍道：“我第一次对你产生好感，就是在听到你用胡笳吹起那首胡曲时。那一刻，我仿佛看到了我远祖游牧过的草原。我此生最大的愿望，就是和你一起，在那样一片辽阔的草原上，自由自在地牧马放羊。” 啊，我在干什么？ ! 我犯了什么样的错误？ ! 这么多年来我究竟干了些什么？ ! 为了拥有自己的幸福，我费尽心机，努力清洗着身上的胡人血液，要将自己漂染成一个纯粹的汉家子民，结果反而失去了自己最大的幸福。这就是我因背叛自己的族裔而受到的惩罚吗？ “阿妍，原谅我，原谅我……”我一遍遍地重复道。除了这句话，我不知道还能说什么。看着拇指上温润的玉韘，我忽然感到那玉韘像烈火一样灼热起来。 啊，我希望这真的是一把烈火，烧了我，烧了这个世界，让一切从头开始！ 我深吸一口气，道：“是的，我该死。我该死一千遍、一万遍来赎罪。阿妍，让我带你走吧，让我们离开这里……” “走？”阿妍悲伤地一笑，“你不觉得现在说这话太迟了吗？当你三天两头借故到乐府来找我时，你不带我走；当你以胡笳向我传情时，你不带我走；当你从那帮恶少手中把我救出来时，你不带我走；当我偷偷把佩帏交给你的时候，你不带我走；当我费尽心力避开哥哥们的盯视把玉韘传递给你的时候，你不带我走。现在，我属于这个帝国最有权势的人，而你在他的手下为臣，你说要带我走？！普天之下，莫非王土。我们能逃到哪里去？况且我现在身系李家满门的生死祸福，你还能带走我全家吗？” 我呻吟了一声，周围的世界仿佛都向我坍陷下来，我被那巨大的压力压得慢慢坐倒在地。 阿妍把那枚佩帏放在我手里，又握住我的手，凄然一笑，道：“罢了，一切都是命。律，我不能给你什么，只能给你这个了。在汉话里，燕与妍同音。在胡语中，燕子就是吉祥鸟。无论在胡在汉，我都望你日后平平安安，吉祥如意。” 我颤抖着手抚摸着那只燕子。 平平安安，吉祥如意。 我的余生，还有什么吉祥？还有什么如意？ 我颤声道：“阿妍，你……现在……过得好吗？” 阿妍垂下眼帘，道：“什么叫好，什么叫不好？他的年龄足可以做我的父亲，然而他是皇帝，你觉得我好还是不好？” “阿妍，是我……害了你。”我伸出手，想要抱住我可怜的阿妍。 阿妍轻轻推开我的手，道：“就当一切从未发生过吧。你现在非常危险，律，千万不能让陛下知道你识字！记住，这是性命攸关的事啊！” 我缩回手，抱着自己的脑袋蹲了下去。 “律，你说话啊。”阿妍抓住我的双臂，摇撼着道，“你听到没有？” 我抬起头来，茫然道：“听到什么？” 阿妍急急地道：“别让陛下知道你识字！” 我木然地道：“为什么？” 阿妍道：“我不知道。天禄阁里有些东西，陛下不想让别人看到。曾经有个侍卫企图偷看那里的东西，被陛下杀了。这段时间，他一直在找一个不识字又忠实可靠的人，来为他看守天禄阁。你来自长水营，陛下必然以为你不识字，见你身手又好，所以才任命你做守卫。如果他发现你看得懂，你会有性命之忧的！记住了吗？” “是吗？”我懒懒地笑了笑，道，“阿妍，谢谢你还挂念我这条微不足道的生命。” 阿妍看着我，眼中掠过一丝焦虑。她看出了我颓唐的笑容背后隐藏着的东西。 “律，不要这样！”阿妍抓起我的手握住，看着我的眼睛，一字一句地道，“即使你我已没有未来，但依然要活在当下。宫中人心险恶，未来不管遇到怎样的困苦艰危，律，记着我希望你活下去！如果、如果我知道你已经不在这个世上，我会到另一个世界去找你……” 阿妍擦拭着眼泪消失在长长的永巷尽头，我向她的背影伸出手去，想抓住点什么，却只是抓在无尽的虚空里。
随太医见到我，笑嘻嘻地道：“如何？老夫答应你的事已经办到了，你答应老夫的事，能否办到呢？” 我意兴萧索地道：“要我拿什么东西？” 随太医道：“一些简牍。” 简牍？我心里一阵厌恶，冷冷地道：“什么简牍？” 随太医却犹豫起来，道：“我不是很……清楚。” 我道：“你要什么书，自己都不清楚？” 随太医踌躇了一下，道：“是这样，你听说过……鲁恭王献书吗？” 鲁恭王献书？ 我有些意外。多年前，鲁恭王为扩建宫室，挖坏了孔府墙壁，结果奇事发生了。那墙中居然发出悠扬的古丝竹之声，在场工匠吓得逃走的逃走，下跪的下跪，乱作一团。后来鲁恭王闻讯亲自到场，结果发现在那堵墙中，居然埋藏着大量古旧简牍。那时朝廷推尊儒术，鼓励天下献书，这批古简就被悉数送往长安，藏于密室。 难道随太医说的就是那批书？一个太医，怎么会对这种老儒们的破烂儿感兴趣？ 我道：“就是孔府夹墙里的那些书？” 随太医道：“不错。陛下命董仲舒、孔安国等几位大儒考订，据说，那些字都是先秦古文，极难辨识。他们参考伏生所传的书经，解读出《尚书》、《礼记》、、《孝经》等篇章，但还有一部分简牍，字体更为古旧，可能是上古蝌蚪字。就已经解读出的片言只字，内容与现今所传之儒家经典大相径庭，难以索解。陛下将之密藏于天禄阁中，禁止常人接近。” 我道：“你要这简牍做什么？” 随太医道：“我猜那可能是一部医书！” 我一怔，道：“医书？” 随太医点点头，道：“我听说，关于这部书，有些大儒从那些勉强辨识出的片断中，推测书中隐藏着一个巨大的秘密，谁若能破解这秘密，或可有起死回生之能。我在猜，那些大儒之所以无法破译，也许是因为他们的思路一开始就走错了——那简牍很有可能根本就不是什么儒家经典，而是一部医书！相传上古有些神医，有起死者肉白骨之能，也许那批古简就是记载着这一类知识。因为是医书，从儒学的角度来看，自然不明所以，说不定我这个医者，倒有可能看得懂。可惜陛下将那些简牍看得太紧了，除了那几名他最亲信的大儒，谁也无法接触。可是身为医者，知道有这么一部奇书存在，焉能不为之动心？医家的宗旨是救死扶伤，这不是什么大逆不道的事。如果我有幸破解此书奥秘，将来得以解救无数生命，也有足下的一份功劳嘛。而且我只是借来看看，看完就还给你。你如今执掌天禄阁，拿些书出来，再悄悄放回去，谁也不会知道，没有任何风险。” 没有任何风险？ 曾经有个侍卫企图偷看那里的东西，被陛下杀了。 我心里冷笑了一下，道：“我不怕风险，问题是你都不知道书中写的什么，在下只字不识，岂非更难找寻？” 随太医微微一笑，道：“你不识字？”忽然一把抓起我的右手，“这是一双不识字之人的手？” 我倒抽了一口冷气——指间那结实的刀笔硬茧出卖了我！ “放心，”随太医松开我的手，微笑道，“我是医者，别人是不会这么仔细的。而且，我有办法帮你磨掉这些笔茧，遮上这个漏洞。至于你说不知道此书内容，这么一部无人能识的天书，不是反而更容易找到？找你看不懂的文字就是。另外，陛下对这些简牍也很感兴趣，你可以看看陛下每次入阁常看的简牍里，有没有这么一些东西。” 我注视着随太医，道：“你早就知道我会被陛下选中入值天禄阁？” 随太医得意地笑道：“不，我只是赌了一把。今上正在物色合适的人选，那次破例亲临长水，本就是为了挑人。你奋不顾身救了他的宠姬，这比校场比武选出来的还要令他满意。很幸运，我赌对了。”
随太医提到的“天书”，确实不难找。 天禄阁深处有间密室，室内堆放着数百卷简牍，极其残旧，有些甚至已朽断霉烂，难以卒读，可皇帝偏偏对这些简牍异常重视，每来天禄阁，几乎都会入室翻阅，而且一看就是半天。 每次皇帝看这批竹简，都不让任何人站在他近旁侍奉。我也只是有几次站在数丈开外的地方，看见皇帝像捧着珍贵异常的珠宝似的，捧着那些残旧不堪的竹简，坐在案边，一篇篇细看，还常常从书架上取些其他文章简牍对照参研，往往苦思冥想半天，似乎不得要领，又轻轻叹一口气，小心翼翼地放回原处。 偶尔皇帝会召一两个大儒来天禄阁，进入密室一起参研那些古简。每当此时，他会屏退一切从人，包括我。 若在以前，见这种异状，我必然大感兴趣。可任职天禄阁以来，我因为阿妍的事心灰意懒，情绪低落，除了必要的巡视整理，我从不主动入阁。就是随皇帝进入密室，我也只是奉命守卫，从不关心他在看什么书。 我现在关心的，也只是如何才能窃取到这些简牍，而简牍究竟有何特异珍贵之处，我并不关心。于我而言，这世上最珍贵的东西，我已经永远地失去了。从此以后，不会再有任何奇珍异宝能打动我。 密室的锁是考工室的工匠精心打造的，构造复杂，分量沉重，不是一般人可以开得了的，钥匙只有皇帝一个人有。若强行撬凿，必然会发出很大的响声，外面也可听到。 一天，皇帝召孔安国到天禄阁，屏退他人，我在门口守着。等了半天，忽然听到室内砰的一声，似是什么东西被重重砸在地上。我吃了一惊，唯恐出什么意外，忙推门而入，只见孔安国正跪在地上，前面是一册被砸坏的古简，皇帝怒喝道：“不知道不知道！除了不知道，你还会说什么？！是不是鲁恭王拆了你们孔府几间旧宅，你就怨恨到这种程度？用这种方式来报复？” 孔安国叩首道：“臣不敢，陛下息怒。先君藏书，本为留待后人得之，臣岂敢有所怨于恭王？这些古简的文字确实古旧艰深，臣所知有限，陛下不妨先将这些古简封存起来，留待后世。将来或有博古硕儒，能解开其中奥秘……” 皇帝更怒：“留待后世？现世都解不开，后世反而能解开？你拿这话去骗三岁小儿！” 孔安国看着地上，一语不发。 皇帝恶狠狠地盯着孔安国，室内一时只听得到皇帝粗重的呼吸声。 我小心地走过去，收起地上的乱简，目光迅速从那简上扫过，只见那简上尽是一种从未见过的异常古怪的文字。我不露声色，将竹简收拾好，放在皇帝身前的几案上。皇帝看也没看我一眼，只是不耐烦地向我挥了挥手，我躬身退出。 皇帝勉强沉了沉气，又对孔安国道：“你是孔家后代，又精通古文，将来的学者再有智慧，能比你更有条件来识读这古简的内容吗？你能看懂多少，就说多少。董仲舒说这三个字像是'当涂高'。你觉得呢？这'当涂高'到底是谁？” 孔安国道：“'当涂'者，当道也。可能是说那当道掌权之人姓高吧……” 皇帝怒喝道：“放屁！这么简单还要你来解……” 他们后来的对话，因为我已退出密室，听不太清了。
一个月后，我将一批简牍放到随太医面前。 随太医欣喜万分，一把抓起其中一卷，打开来贪婪地看着，看了一会儿，点头叹道：“难怪那些大儒费尽心血也不明所以，这文字果然古怪。等我一下，待我誊录一份后再还给你。” 我道：“不用了，这份就是副本。” 随太医道：“你说什么？” 我道：“我不能把原件拿出来，陛下这段时间经常要取阅。我分几次看了回去抄下来的。放心，我不会抄错一个字。” 随太医吃惊地道：“你是说，你看了默记在心里，然后回去再写下来？” 我道：“是。” 随太医道：“这些字你都看得懂？” 我道：“不，这种文字我从未见过。” 随太医上下打量了我一下，拎起手中那册简牍在我面前一抖，道：“就这份，你能不能现在再写一遍？” 我微微一笑，道：“你怕我随便乱涂点东西来蒙你？”说罢便在几案旁坐下，拿过一卷空白简牍，提起笔来便写。 一卷很快就写完了，我交给随太医，道：“要不要再默写一卷？要的话快说，我还要回宫当值。” 随太医疑惑地看了我一眼，拿起手里那份简牍，对照着我现写的这份，逐字逐句地看。看完后，他用一种不可思议的眼神看着我，道：“我再问你一遍，你此前真的没见过这种文字？” 我好笑地道：“孔府出土这批竹简，难道还先给我过目一遍吗？” 随太医看着我，半晌才轻轻叹了口气，道：“几万个从没见过的古文字，只凭强记，能将形状、顺序全都记下来，你……唉，你要不是胡人，只怕取功名富贵如探囊取物。” 我将笔一扔，站起来道：“功名富贵有什么用？” 随太医道：“年轻人，失去的就不要再多想了，珍惜你所拥有的吧，奢求注定得不到的，只是徒增烦恼而已。” 我道：“那么你呢？你又在追求什么？前面那个被处死的侍卫，就是被你收买了想去偷这书的吧？你说的这'医书'，未能医人倒先杀人，我看不出有什么好的。” 随太医眯起眼睛，看了我一会儿，点头道：“我早就知道，你不是那些没头脑的寻常武夫可比的。不过，你说的你那前任，我没有逼他，是他自己愿意的。他私通宫人，把人家肚子搞大了，是我给那宫人施针用药，悄悄引产，救了他二人的性命。他还我一条命，也不算亏——何况他还没得手。” 我道：“我有点不明白，你身为太医令，人称'神医'，名利禄位皆有，还要这种东西干什么？” 随太医沉默了一会儿，幽幽地道：“神医？我治愈过成百上千人，却救不了自己的儿子。他痈发于背，已经快不行了。我什么法子都用过了，就是治不好。我曾精研过一篇铭刻在古器上的《黄帝内经》，对古文字略知一二，听说这古简提到过什么起死回生的事，人到了这一步，真的假的都要试一试了。” 说到这里，随太医那双一贯精明的眼中，浮起了一层忧郁。这倒使我对这个城府颇深的太医有了一种新的印象。
密室里，我抚摸着那一卷卷年深日久的古简，一时竟有些舍不得离去。一个月的识读强记，使我对这些记录着怪异文字的简牍产生了一种奇妙的感情。 虽然我看不懂那些文字，但就像随太医说的，人若在现实中遭遇巨大的困厄苦痛，便往往会寄希望于一些神秘莫测的东西。似乎那种超出理性的神秘力量的存在，使人世间种种障碍险阻显得不那么绝对无法逾越了。 子不语怪力乱神，为什么这批孔府古简，如今却被传得神乎其神？ 我随意打开一册古简，看着上面那一个个状如虫兽的文字，陷入了迷茫。这些形状怪异的文字所记录的，真的是儒家的文章吗？ 儒家的经典，大多我都读过，无外乎仁义和复古。在我看来，那些观念多少有些迂腐。先秦诸子，我最感兴趣的，是庄周。我喜欢他文章的汪洋恣肆、譬喻大胆。境界之高、眼界之广，和儒家那些说教比起来，真不可以道里计。 况且儒学还是一门曾中断过的学问。秦始皇焚书坑儒，儒学在中原大地一度绝迹。直到秦亡汉兴，才有一些老儒凭着自己的记忆，向后生晚辈传授经典，却因口音、记忆等各种问题，产生了讹错分歧。 我不明白，一个鼓吹仁义和等级秩序的学说，有什么可令统治者不安的？竟至于要用杀人烧书的极端手段灭绝之？ 今上独尊儒术，鼓励献书，民间献书之风大起，各地陆陆续续出现了许多儒学古书，那多是当年焚书令下后，一些儒生冒死藏在墙中地下的。百年变迁，许多简牍已散乱脱落，面目全非，加上其中又有许多是秦始皇统一文字之前的简牍，那些已失传的奇形怪状的六国文字，不但没能解开人们的疑惑，反而使那些古老的经典更加云山雾罩，众说纷纭。譬如便有申培公、辕固生、韩太傅三家；《春秋》有胡毋生、董仲舒等；《尚书》有伏生、孔安国等。这些大儒，或凭记忆，或依古籍，各自传授自己所认定的“真本”，莫衷一是。我也不明白，这些章句之争有什么意义。 这一批孔府藏书，当初又是孔家哪一位学者、为了什么藏起来