Chapter 26 epilogue - first person
Hello, fellow netizens.
I didn't know how to start, so I just cut to the chase.
Well, I'm a TV series writer for a basic cable channel, and I've just discovered that the people I've pictured in my head are real (and they're dying at a rate of about one per episode).So now I have a writing bottleneck, I don't know what to do, and if I don't fix it right away, I'm going to get fired.help!
Now I've spent twenty minutes looking at the paragraph above that I just finished, and I think it's all bullshit.Then I will explain it to you in detail sentence by sentence.
"Hello, fellow Internet users": You all know that New Yorker cartoon where a dog says to another dog through a computer: "On the Internet, no one knows you're a dog" right?Yes, that's right, that's the story.
No, I'm not a dog.But it is true that I have to remain anonymous here.Because, it's so stupid, look at what I just wrote.That's not something that you can tell someone without changing your face just by grabbing someone casually.But no one knows anyone on the Internet.Maybe I can rant.
"I'm a...screenwriter...": I'm really a screenwriter, and I've been writing scripts for several years, and judging by the ratings over the years, it's been pretty successful (yuck).I don't want to go into too many details right now, because don't forget, I have to protect my privacy and not give too much specific information.All I can say is that it's not quite up to an Emmy yet, but I think, my dear friends, you've probably heard its name.And in the offline world, I also have my own IMDb page.I seem to be talking a little too much.That's it.
"I just found out that the people I pictured in my head are real": Yes, I know.I really do.Didn't you see that in the above two paragraphs I just said "too cheating"?Do you think I don't know how tangled, painful and maddening it is to say this word?I know, I really really really really know all too well.If I didn't think it sounded like I was in an IQ rush, I'd be blogging about it (if I had a blog. I don't, because I'm so occupied with this one-episode-a-week show all the time), and perhaps develop into a novel on par with Whitley Streiber.I don't want that.It's a lifestyle difference.I'm exhausted every day, and I have to talk to the microphone in the middle of the night to engage in personal radio and the like, but I don't want to do it.I just want to go back to the state where I can write whatever I want.
But I have to reiterate: the people I wrote about in the script really existed.Because I've met them and swear to God I'm telling the truth.I can reach out and physically touch them.And as long as one of them dies in my script, they will die.For me, it’s just a few words scribbled on paper; for them, it’s falling from a tall building, or being hit by a car, or being eaten by a bear, or dying in some other way (I’m just to name a few) example, I didn't let them die like this).
Think about it.Think about what that means.All I have to say in the script is "Bob gets eaten by a badger" and it means that somewhere in the universe some poor bastard named Bob is going to be eaten up by a bunch of mustelids.Sure, it might be funny just looking at my description, but what if you were Bob?That is really cheating.And then, you just hang up because of me.That's why I'm going to say this next sentence -
"Now I have a writing block": I have to say, I never knew what a writing block was until this happened.As a writer, suddenly one day you can't write because your girlfriend dumped you?Come on man, this is the perfect time to write.Now you have nothing else to do during the night.Don't know how to write the next scene?Then arrange a blast.That's it.Annoyed by existential questions about your place in the universe?Wake up man.Yes, you are just an inconspicuous little transparent in the long river of history.But you little transparency makes a living making up nonsense, and that means you don't have to carry heavy boxes or ask people if they want an extra order of chips.Don't be naive, get back to work.
If I'm in good shape, I can whip out a first draft of an episode in six hours.Is it well written?Surely one cannot expect to be like Shakespeare, and besides, Shakespeare wrote Titus Andronicus.Six hours, writing a first draft, this day is in good shape.And dare I say, as a playwright, I've had quite a few good days.
But now I can't write anymore, I can't continue to write scripts, because I can kill people with anything I write.If you pursue it, this is really a good excuse for writer's bottleneck.Dumped by girlfriend?Keep writing.You typed a man to die?Might give you pause.I just stopped.Now I'm holding my laptop, it's loaded, and I can only stare at the screen for a long time.
"I'll Get Fired": My job is to write scripts, and I'm not writing them.If I can't start writing again soon, there's no reason for me to be on the staff roll.Now I can hang on for a while, because I have already written an episode in advance before this bottleneck, but this can only make me last a week.I don't have much time left.You can see why I'm nervous.
"HELP": Yes, I need help.It's not something you can talk to acquaintances.Because, again: it's too bad.Nor is it possible for me to let my colleagues—or other writers—know.Most of them are out of work and would have happily stepped on my dead body to fill my vacant position in the show - it's driving me nuts to think about it.Such a job does not come easily.But I still have to talk to someone about it, because it's the first time I've had such bad luck since I was born, and I don't know how to deal with it.I need some calm pointers from the bystanders.
Then I chose you, fellow netizens.You hold your own opinions.And I guess some of you may be tired of answering ridiculous questions from these anonymous help seekers on the Internet.Either watch this or play Angry Birds, right?
So, do you have any good suggestions, friends?
an anonymous writer
The good news is that a lot of people are viewing this thread; the bad news is that people keep asking me questions instead of - you know - helping me.But then again, if you're going to anonymously post something like your character suddenly coming to life, I think you have to answer the curiosity of the onlookers first.Ok.So for those who need an answer, I'll just give some simple answers to the most frequently asked questions.I'll sort it out and avoid duplicating questions and answers. Bro, are you serious? Man, of course I mean it.I'm not on drugs (drugs are more fun); I'm not making up stories (if I have time to make up stories, I might as well get paid for writing them); and I'm not crazy (it's fun to be).Things are real. really? Yes. really? Yes. no really? Shut up.Next question. Why not talk to your psychiatrist? Because, contrary to popular belief, not all writers in Los Angeles need therapy to walk.My nerves are under control (well, they were, anyway).While I could have hired a therapist, the first session was pretty scary, wasn't it.And I'm not sure I won't be anesthetized and carried out of the clinic and sent to a mental hospital.Even if I'm a paranoid. Does it feel like the plot of the movie? more or less?Will Ferrell in the movie is a character in someone's book, right? (I can go to IMDb to confirm, but I'm too lazy to do it) It's just that I'm the author, not the character.So in a sense, the positions are different.I guess so? But if you think about it, even if there are many similarities, I never said that what happened to me was 100% original.I mean, there's a similar situation in there, where the characters come off the screen and into reality.And Jasper Ford's book also mentioned that everyone is a character in a fairy tale or literary work.And in Dennis Hogan's books, she's always at odds with her characters, and sometimes they don't obey her, messing up her plot.My mother loved that kind of story.Oh yes, how did I forget this, and what else.Have you not seen it?seen it already?Well when I didn't say it. There is another detail that is very inconspicuous but very important, that is, these works are all fictitious, but those things of mine are all fake.As I said earlier, there is a subtle difference.But this distinction is crucial.I am not here to claim this uniqueness.I just want to get things sorted out. Hey, is the play you wrote called (fill in the name of various plays by yourself here)? Dude, didn't your English teacher teach you about "I want to remain anonymous"?Even if you guess right, I won't tell you.Want a tip?Well, it's not called Super Producers, and I'm not Tina Fey.Um... that's right, it's Tina Fey. There are also such problems: Now, even on the internet, people will know if you're a dog or not, you know that? Yes, but this dog also knows to hang a proxy server and use a fake address when it blogs and browses the web. Why don't you write a script where no one dies? Yes, I can totally do it, but there are two consequences. 1. When the script is handed in, the producer will say: "I want to be more thrilling in this chapter! A few people will die!" Then I can only let some people die in the script, and if I don't write it, my co-author will also It was written, or one of the producers will change the script cleverly, or the director decided to kill a certain character on the spur of the moment during filming, no matter what, someone has to be cannon fodder. 2. Even if I am merciful, everything still has to follow the principle of drama, and as far as my drama is concerned, drama means that even if no one dies, they will be crippled or disfigured by various plagues, injuries, etc. .Of course, there is no doubt that it is more humane to let a person live than to let him die, but they are still miserable, and it is still my hand to them.In the end, I still feel guilty. Believe me, I really hope that the protagonists in the play can spend a full hour of non-stop feasting, eating, drinking, singing, singing, singing, dancing, dancing, and living a fairy life full of happiness (ah, but the advertising time still has to be deducted in order to earn money to support their families).I don't think our audience will mind - so the film will be full of positive energy.But this drama is not going this way, otherwise the cable TV station would not give us a schedule. I had to write something that our show needed.If I don't do it, I will be fired.I don't want to be fired. You know, if what you say is true, the existential conundrum that ensues would blow me and my friends away. Yes, I know this thing seems ridiculous.We could sit and talk for half a day—if this thing didn't turn my daily life into a 360-degree piece of shit.Do you know what my current situation is like?It's like waking up in the morning, walking out the door, and finding a T. rex crouching in your yard staring at you.You may be pleasantly surprised in the first five seconds, wow, I can actually see dinosaurs in my lifetime!Then you run for your life crying, because for a rex dinosaur, you are a delicious crunchy snack of human flesh. Is there really a T. rex squatting in your yard? No. Really boring. Be good, go out and turn left. Compared with most writers who encounter writing bottlenecks, is the author writing too much at the moment? While true, it’s not really writing, is it?I'm not trying to be a creative web writer, I just keep replying to messages and asking for help.Blogging is fine, but all I want to do is write scripts.And I can't write now.The part of my brain responsible for inspiration was completely disabled.This is called a bottleneck. You mentioned that you use Final Draft.Have you ever thought that something is wrong with your software?It is recommended to use this Scrivener, I personally tested it and it is easy to use! Whoa, really?Dude, if someone had a heart attack in front of you, don't you think it's a good opportunity to promote your low-cholesterol diet?This thing feels super superior, doesn't it? Software is not the problem.The problem is that I kill when I write.If you really have the sincerity to help, when someone else's house is on fire, don't say what brand of watering can feels good, grab the water pipe. Correspondingly, there is this: Blogger I believe in you!Let's meet up sometime and discuss it in detail!How about right in the basement of my mother's house?That's my secret base. Oh your sister.Another good reason for my anonymity, right? So now that the Q&A time is over, can't anyone be a little more reliable?are not there? anonymous writer
finally!Finally, someone's message is a little more reliable, and I will copy and paste it completely. Your last post mentioned some movies and books in which the worldlines of creator and created are broken (or at least confused) in some way.Did it ever occur to you that maybe the people who made these films or wrote these books had experiences similar to yours?Chances are they've been through it too and just haven't told anyone else, probably for the same reasons you've kept your anonymity, because it sounds really crazy.But if you approach them and tell them about your similar experience, they may gain their trust and be willing to discuss it with you.Your status as a playwright should put them off guard, at least at first. That "at least at first" is so subtle, thank you.It also makes me happy that you think a cable drama writer has something to say.Really healing. Still, to your question, I have to say, no, I hadn't thought of that because, uh, it's really crazy, right.The world we live in is real and there's no way this could happen.But I have to say, I do, and—I'm not being modest—I'm not that special, either as a writer or as a human being. So, I admit that it is entirely possible that what can happen to me can happen to someone else.And if it happened to someone else, it's entirely possible that they've found a way to fix it without being unable to write.That's the goal.So now I have a plan: find a way to reach out to these writers and see if they have the same unspeakable experience as I do. This sounds perfect at first glance, but there are some problems when you think about it carefully.To give you an idea, I will briefly write a one-act mini-theater titled "A Puzzle Sketch for Someone in Reality by an Anonymous Writer". anonymous writer Hi!Characters from my scripts came to visit me, and they said that as soon as I wrote an action scene, they would be killed by me.Have you ever encountered this situation? other writers Hello, Anonymous Writer!I have a restraining order in one hand and a stun gun in the other.Which do you want to choose first? Yes, how could such a perfect plan go wrong. But then again, I really don't have a better solution, right?So I now decided to do this: Make a list of writers whose characters have managed to break through dimensional barriers. Going out one by one and figuring out if it's based on their real experiences without making them think I'm out of my mind. This can have!Well, don't know if it will work yet, but if their work is actually based on fact, then take from them the means to be able to keep writing. Now it's time to come up with a less weird opening line.Wish me luck! anonymous writer
Guys, I'm serious: stop guessing which drama I wrote, I won't tell you, because I don't want to lose my job.This is what happens when people like me discuss my work with you (netizens).Especially someone like me who has already pulled the plug on the fact that the characters in the show came to reality and talked to them.I know you guys are happy to be human, but come on.Leave a way for people to live, okay?I promise that after this matter is settled, no matter what happens, I will report it truthfully.I mean after five years.Or after I got an Emmy.Whichever comes first (I bet "five years"). okay?Ok thanks a lot.
Hey, fellow netizens, here comes the latest development you want.I've pinpointed writers who have written storylines similar to mine, including those I've blogged about: Woody Allen, who wrote The Purple Rose of Cairo; Jasper Ford, Zack Penn, and Adam Love (who wrote "Phantom Heroes"); Zack Helm ("Life is Fantastic") and Dennis Hogan.The current plan is to approach them first to gain their trust—at least not to make them think I’m crazy—and then ask them, in the most tactful way possible, whether the work they’ve created is relevant to real-life experiences.After them come the writers, and wait to see who gets hooked. Also, to give you the thrill of being a part of it, yes, I'll tell you the responses I got -- after I've harmonized some identifying details.Oh don't look at me like that.Don't forget that I've been committed to staying anonymous.Yes.Too many details and I'll have to "come out" (a great cabinet, smelling of pine needles and desperation).But having said that, because you are very helpful, I also have the obligation to report the progress to you at any time. Also, make no mistake, I'm totally open to responses like, "Wow, you're crazier than the average internet guy who writes to me, do you need me to recommend you some antipsychotics?" Because for me That's all I can reply to the messages in my inbox right now.And actually, I did.You won't believe the crazy letters you get when you reveal who you are as the writer of a hit TV show.Maybe you can understand it.There are madmen every year, especially this year. (Temporarily left to email.) Well the emails have been sent.Now we have to see how long it takes to hear back.How about opening a gamble? anonymous writer
Wow, not as long as I thought it would be.The first reply came.I pasted the content below: XX sent from gmail.com Show details 4:33 PM (0 minutes ago) Dear Anonymous Writer: Hello, I am XX and I am the assistant of XXX.We have your inquiry, please tell us if this is some kind of creative interview assignment for a major magazine or newspaper?waiting for your reply. My reply is: Hello, XX.No, this has nothing to do with any newspaper or magazine or blog (well, maybe except my own blog).This is actually my personal behavior.Can you tell XXX if there is time for a meeting?I would appreciate any help. The assistant responded like this: Sorry, XXX is temporarily unavailable.Thank you for your attention and wish you success in your work. Translated into adult words: If it is "People Magazine", or even "Us Weekly", we will put up with your pretending to be crazy.But since it's a crazy freelance writer, let's go as far as we can. sigh.Once upon a time, this city was full of respect for crazy paranoid freelance writers!I think it was the early 1980s.David Lee Roth was hanging around the Whiskey Row back then.This is what I heard.I was, probably, only six years old at the time. One road is blocked, and there are still five roads to go... anonymous writer
There are new replies.It looks very beefy. Recipient: Anonymous Writer Sender: Mr. X and XX, XXX, XXX and XX Dear Mr Writer: The inquiry email you sent to Mr. X was forwarded to us by his assistant. I think it is your letter behavior that makes them feel that it is necessary to ask us to intervene. Mr. X has carefully considered his right to privacy. Your letter made him feel very disturbed, not only by the content of the letter itself, but also by contacting him in a private letter because he was unknown. Now our client has decided to give up letting the X Police Station investigate you and your correspondence to avoid further expansion of the situation.However, we ask that you cease any contact with our customers in any way.If you still do not cooperate, we will forward all the contents of the letter to the X Police Department and the FBI, and may apply for a restraining order against you.I don't need to tell you that such an investigation would immediately make the news and have serious consequences for your career as a screenwriter for XXXXXX. We believe this will also be our last contact. Sincerely, salute! Mr. X and XX, XXX, XXX and XX call. For the record, the email I sent wasn't that crazy: "Dear Mr. X, I happened to be standing by your bed last night watching you sleep..." I really didn't write that, I swear. Either this person is getting harassing emails that are particularly perverted, from people who dress up like his cat and stand outside his house.Or the man was frightened by my letter for some other reason entirely.Ok…… So is it necessary to bother the FBI? No no, obviously not necessary. At least not yet.I really don't understand. Now I have the urge to dress up like that gentleman's cat and stand in front of his house.But it's too early, and it's weekend night.Maybe some licks to start with. anonymous writer
There is this reply: I still can't quite believe that you actually saw your character come to life, but as a writer who is always plagued by writing bottlenecks, I find it interesting that you can poke fun at yourself like this on this page, Especially when your real career is at stake.If I were you, I'd pee my pants by now. Oh trust me, me too.I really am.I no longer feel safe in my own place.I had to go shopping at night so my neighbors wouldn't see me.Then throw the finished trash in the next-door neighbor's bin so it won't be tracked.I am in no way proud of this behavior.My pants weren't dry either. I want to let you in on a little secret, fellow netizens: I'm writing this blog right now in part to deal with fear.The last time I didn't create anything for a week was back in college when I was in the hospital for six days with a really bad bout of food poisoning. (The food in the school cafeteria wasn't always fresh. I wasn't the only victim. My dorm was known as a vomiting mecca for a long time. I digress.) Even in that case, even if I I was so sick that I nearly vomited my guts out, and my mind never stopped working on plots and dialogues.And now, as soon as I start thinking about a plot or dialogue for a script, there's a thick wall in my head.I.real.of.Write.No.out.Come. I have never encountered such a thing.I'm really panicking, I'm afraid this is the story - the source of inspiration has dried up, and from now on I have nowhere else to go but teaching at the Continuing Education Institute.I mean, damn it, you might as well kill me now.I am in a panic all day long, and there are probably only two things I can do right now. 1. Make a special cocktail with antifreeze and OxyContin, then take a long, luxurious bath with my toaster. 2. Substituting blogging for writing is like substituting methadone for opioid dependence. As a result of one of these methods, my swollen and festered body was found a week later.Guess which one it is. About poking fun at yourself, well, here it is.When I was twelve years old, my appendix ruptured, and when people rushed me into the operating room, I asked the doctor, "Will this affect my piano skills in the future?" The doctor said, "Don't worry, you still Can continue to play the piano." I replied, "Wow, I couldn't play it before!" Then they put me down with an anesthesia injection. What I want to express is that even if I die from acute peritonitis, I still can't change my poor mouth.Make fun of it even if you fail. (Actually, as my dad said in the ward, "You deserve it when you say what's wrong. You don't want to be my son." My dad took the joke seriously.) All in all, if I really described my fear of gut knots, arrhythmias, and breathlessness, you'd all be crossing the top right corner to close the page by now.Maybe I'll just break the jar.So I think it's better to laugh at yourself. what do y'all think? anonymous writer
Hey, let me report back on the progress.The letter I received from another person went like this - Dear Anonymous Writer: Your emails interest me in every sense of the word.In fact, the things I write about in my book and my real life really intersect.Your carefully evasive question makes me think that you may also have encountered this kind of intersection. In that case, I'm going to Los Angeles tomorrow to talk to my film agent about the shooting plans at XXXXXXXXX studio.I'd love to meet and talk with you once I've gone through the ceremonies.My hotel is in XXXXXXX.If you have time, let's meet at the bar there at 5 o'clock. your XXX That sounds very reliable.The only thing I have to watch out for right now is not to die of anxiety over the next 24 hours.Luckily I have meetings all day tomorrow.Yes, I said luckily—the more meetings there are, the less people will ask me about the progress of the script.It's getting harder and harder to keep up.I also suggested that other playwrights work together. He first wrote a rough outline or first draft of the story.I can let him write the first draft because I am higher than him, and I don't have to feel bad about it, he still owes me money anyway.I would question my own moral foundation.But right now I really have no choice. Hopefully the writer I'm meeting with tomorrow can give me some solid advice.After all, there is a limit to what you can do by using meetings to escape and squeeze your subordinates. anonymous writer
Ok.I've already met the writer.She is Dennis Hogan.In order to better describe our "conversation", I decided to use the way I am most familiar with. Cafe interior - table in the corner - daytime Two people were sitting at the table with coffee in their hands and unfinished muffins on the table.They are Anonymous Writer and Dennis Hogan.They had been talking for an hour, starting with the anonymous writer describing to Dennis what had happened to him. dennis You are really involved in a very interesting situation. anonymous writer "Interesting" is not the word I would use to describe this.I prefer to describe it as "unparalleled". dennis OK, that's all right. anonymous writer But the same thing happened to you too, right?When you write these characters in a novel, they are always at odds with you, ignore your arrangements, and often do what they want.This is also your logo.You write as if everything really happened. dennis (politely) Well, I think we'd better define some of these expressions. anonymous writer (Leaning back in chair) Clear definition?It sounds like "No, I haven't really had that happen to me, you nuts." dennis (patting the table) Anonymous writer, do you think I'm not sincere enough? anonymous writer Remember what I confided in you that hour ago?You call this sincerity?Well please go ahead. dennis I came here because I read your blog. anonymous writer I don't have a blog. dennis You just didn't register with your real name.You use the screen name "Anonymous Writer". anonymous writer (patting the table) Oh.Oh hell. dennis (raises hands) Don't get excited.I'm not here to expose you. anonymous writer hell. (Stands up to leave, hesitates for a while, then sits back) How do you know? dennis Any way for anyone with an ego to get information online.I have a Google News associated with my name. anonymous writer (waves hands in the air) Fuck Google! dennis I clicked on the link to see what a broken writer would be like.After seeing the content of your blog, I added it to the RSS blog feed.So I knew you'd be in touch before you even sent an email. anonymous writer So you're not really here to meet your movie agent. dennis Uh, not so.I had lunch with him, and we did discuss some things related to Paramount movies.But I called him to say I was coming after I got your email.Don't worry, I didn't tell him extra information. anonymous writer So your characters don't actually appear in reality to talk to you either. dennis If it's not the clichéd way authors say their characters come to life, no. anonymous writer Ok. (stands up again) Thank you for wasting a good part of my day.Very happy to see you. dennis But we still have something in common. anonymous writer Besides wasting an entire afternoon? dennis (disapprovingly) Look, I'm not here to see freak shows up close.My first husband has shown me enough.I'm here because I think I understand your situation better than you do.I've had writing bottlenecks too, really bad bottlenecks. anonymous writer How bad is it? dennis I couldn't write anything for more than a year.Well, is that bad enough? anonymous writer Maybe. dennis I think I can help you get over it.Because whether or not I believe that your character really came to reality, at least my own writing bottleneck is similar to your current situation where you can't write words. anonymous writer If you don't believe what I say, I don't know how your situation can be anything like mine. dennis Because we all feel that the role we have is very tricky. anonymous writer (cautiously returns to his seat) Go on. dennis For whatever reason, you are afraid that your writing will lead to the death of characters, which prevents you from writing.In my case, I couldn't get the character to do certain things.I can arrange for them to approach danger, but when it's time for them to light the fuse—something like that critical turning point—I can't make them do it.I did everything in my power to get them out of the hole that I had worked so hard to get them to fall in.This is really not a good way.In the end I was completely exhausted.I couldn't write a single word. anonymous writer But it's just your- dennis (holds out hand) Wait, I'm not done yet.Finally, one day I sat in front of the computer and I couldn't do anything to my characters, and I ended up letting the characters attack me. "Haven't you fucking figured it out yet? Haven't you? Well, I'll do it." Then he did something I didn't expect - I didn't even want him to do it - and he did After it dries, inspiration floods my bottleneck dam.My character did the thing I was most afraid of him doing. anonymous writer what is it dennis With a broker.It is operating with precautions, and even has long-term countermeasures for characters that may encounter unexpected events. anonymous writer Believe me, the problem my character is having is not some agent. dennis I didn't say that.But my character does something else.They even have acts of rebellion. anonymous writer What? dennis It's my own fault for writing too badly.I couldn't do what the characters expected me to do for them—I didn't have the guts to write them vividly.So they came by themselves.And thanks to them, I mean I thanks to them, the disconnected parts of my brain seem to be connected.Maybe you can try it out too. anonymous writer etc.Did you just say that my writing sucks? dennis I don't. anonymous writer That's good. dennis But I have watched your TV series.Most of the scripts are really badly written. anonymous writer (waves) Oh, forgive me. dennis (continued) And it's unreasonably bad. anonymous writer (Leans forward) Have you ever written a script?Do you know how difficult it is to wait for the TV series that is updated every Monday? dennis No, but you write.Let me ask you, do you really think you have worked hard?Don't forget, I subscribed to your Weibo.I've read all kinds of excuses you give for your poor production quality, even if you pride yourself on your speed, it's still shoddy. anonymous writer This has nothing to do with my inability to write a single word now. dennis are not there?I couldn't write because I knew I was bad at writing and I didn't have the guts to get over it.You know you write badly, but you keep trying to excuse yourself.也许这个瓶颈就是想告诉你，找借口不是出路。 匿名作家 拜托，我又不是因为写得不好才写不出来的。我只是不想写死别人！ 丹尼斯 （点头）嗯，我相信你的新借口。 匿名作家 （又站了起来）我刚才就觉得我在浪费时间。现在我确定了。还是得谢谢你。我会注意在写博客的时候不要挂上你的名字的。 丹尼斯 如果你真的要放上博客，就用我的名字好了，然后问问你的读者们，我说的有没有道理。你说你想要他们的帮助。那我就看看你到底乐不乐意接受这样的帮助。 （匿名作家走出大门） 好了，我这一晚上的时间都彻底搭在这上面了，听一个我原本以为能帮上忙的女人批斗我是一个如何糟糕的作家——噢等等，不是个糟糕的作家，只是写得比较糟而已。这两者之间还是有一些微妙区别的。 而且，我从来没有说过我为这部戏写的剧本很糟糕。我只说它并不是莎士比亚的戏剧。我只说它还不够格获得艾美奖。但这不等同于糟。我想我对于自己还是挺有自知之明的，所以如果我写得很糟我会承认。但是如果你不会写东西，或者作品很烂，你又怎么能几年来一直靠写作吃饭呢。信不信由你，你总得有个在这行生存下去的技能底线。伙计们，我好歹在南加州大学主修电影，拿了艺术学硕士学位。这玩意儿可不是送给我的。我倒是希望他们伸手发给我呢。那样的话，我就不会在找到第一份工作之前，欠了六年的学生贷款。可惜他们不送。 我想说的是，去你的丹尼斯·霍根。我可不是你在洛杉矶的廉价消遣物。我是真心想向你讨教，结果你就是把我和我的作品喷了个狗血淋头。真是醍醐灌顶。有朝一日我会滴水之恩涌泉相报的。 与此同时呢，就让各位网友看看你给予我的这个巨大“帮助”吧。我相信他们一定都喜闻乐见。 匿名作家
今天，我的手机收到了掴客网的一条消息，上面说他们已经根据我在这里写的文字信息推断出我就是匿名作家，比如说我的电视剧在基本有线台播放啦，是个每集一小时的片子啦，已经播出了好几季啦，戏里死了好多人啦，还有我是南加州大学的学生，毕业六年后才找到了自己的第一份全职工作之类的。 还有一个原因就是我提到了丹尼斯·霍根，他们去搜索了她的照片，找到了一张她今天在伯班克和一个长得和我很像的家伙会面的照片。照片是她的一个粉丝用iPhone拍下的。她太羞涩，所以没有上前和丹尼斯打招呼。但也并不那么羞涩嘛，你看她现在倒是有胆量把这照片上传到全世界一半人口都能连线的社交网站上去。 然后呢，掴客网就想把这个事情做个节目，大概二十分钟的样子吧。那位聒噪的小编辑问我是否有要说的。当然，我有话要说： 去你的。 Gone. 现在我要把仅剩的一点点时间用来做回《无畏号编年史》的剧作家，做我早就该做的事情，在事情变成这样的那一刻起我就该这么做了：坐在沙发上，拿着一大瓶占边威士忌，仰头痛饮。 谢谢，各位网友。我的小小冒险终于让我看透这一切了。 爱你们的 现在已经不那么匿名了的作家
亲爱的网友们： 首先，我正宿醉，拜托别那么闪亮。把亮度调低点儿。 噢，等等，我自己电脑上可以搞定。Wait a minute. OK这会儿好多了。 其次，发生了非常重大的事情。我得一吐为快。 还是和上次一样，我得用剧本格式来说事了。别介意。 外景——平淡无奇的天空和广阔无垠的大地在地平线相交——大概是白天 匿了名字的作——噢呸，匿名作家，虽然网上不少人已经知道他的真实身份了：尼克·维恩斯坦从远处走来，扶额，面部抽搐。身边一个男人随意地跪着。他们身后不远有一大群人。他们，和尼克身边的男人一样，都穿着红衫。 man finally. Nick （环顾四周）好吧，我放弃了。where am i man 一个平坦、灰暗、毫无特色的空地，不知道会延伸到何处。用来形容你的大脑真是再恰当不过了，尼克。 Nick （看着男人）你看着有点儿面熟。 man （微笑）当然。你杀了我。不过几集以前的事情呢。 Nick （愣了几秒，接着说）芬恩，对吧？ Finn That's right.你还记得是怎么杀掉我的吗？ Nick 用一个自爆的脑袋。 Finn Correct again. Nick 虽然爆的不是你的头。 Finn 不是，是别人的。我只是正好在那里。（站着，指向人群中的某一个人）那个人就是被你爆头的。挥个手，杰！ （杰冲他们挥手。尼克也小心翼翼地挥了挥。） Nick （站得不太稳，盯着杰）他的脑袋看上去从那个爆炸中恢复得不错。 Finn 我们觉得，别让你看到我们惨遭你毒手时候的形象比较好。那样的话，杰就是个无头骑士，我则周身严重烧伤，别人就是被肢解或者被吃掉了一块或者因为可怕的未知疫病肌肉从骨头上溶解了下来等等一系列惨状。你懂的，惨不忍睹。我们觉得你看到那样的光景一定会崩溃的。 Nick thanks. Finn You're welcome. Nick 我觉得这一切都太不真实了，我一定是在做梦。 Finn It's a dream.但不意味着这就是虚幻。 Nick （挠头）按照我目前的思考力来说，有点儿难以理解，芬恩。 Finn 那么我们这么说吧，它是真实的，只是托了梦给你，不然你怎么会和死人交谈呢？ Nick 你们为什么要和我交谈？ Finn 因为我们有事情要问你。 Nick 我已经不再杀害你们的同伴了。托你们的福我什么都写不出来。因此我马上就要失业了。 Finn 你写不出东西来，我知道。但并不是我们的原因。至少不是直接原因。 Nick 是我的大脑罢工了。我想我知道为什么会这样了。 Finn 我并没有说你不知道写不出剧本的原因。但是你并没有老实地向自己承认。 Nick 别曲解我的意思，芬恩。你的尤达式腔调已经老掉牙了。 Finn Ok.那我就这么说。丹尼斯·霍根？She was right. Nick （挥动双手）连在我的脑内，这个名字都阴魂不散。 Finn 你是个很棒的作家，尼克。但是你太懒了。（指着那一群人）我们中的大部分人都死于你的懒散。 Nick 拜托，这么说太可笑了。你们死了，因为这是一部动作片。动作片里总有人要死。只不过是因为这，是，一，部，动，作，片。 Finn （看着尼克，然后指着人群中的一个人）你！说说你怎么死的？ 红衫一号 冰鲨！ Finn （转向尼克）你玩我们呢？一条冰鲨？这玩意儿在生物学上存在吗？（转回人群）有人随随便便就被各种宇宙生物吃掉的吗？ 红衫二号 彭纳斯螃蟹！ 红衫三号 天仓五上的巨型獾！ 红衫四号 博格维陆虫！ Nick （对红衫四号说）我可没有写什么陆虫！（对芬恩说）我告诉你，那些都不是我写的。我一直都在替人背黑锅。 Finn 谁让你是电视剧的主创呢，尼克。不管这几个人是不是死在你手上，你肯定也写过不少这种死于奇怪动物袭击的事情。 Nick 这部戏一周更新一集…… Finn 我知道这部戏是周更，但有更多周更的剧集不是这么烂的，尼克。包括不少科幻连续剧。那些周更的科幻剧至少在努力避免应付任务。你却用你的工作日程和影片类型来开脱。（转身对人群说）你们中有多少人是在六号到十二号甲板之间死掉的？ （好几十只手举了起来。芬恩扭头看着尼克，等待他的回答。） Nick 这艘船得遭受损失。这部戏要拍出戏剧效果。 Finn 这艘船得遭受损失。Ok.那也没必要每次遇到这种情况的时候你都让一大堆无名的船员被吸进太空里吧？这种事情一而再再而三地发生，宇宙联盟早就会敦促改进这种结构设计缺陷了！ Nick 听着，芬恩，我明白了。你们只是死了很不爽。me too.我就是因为这个才写不出东西来的！ Finn 你不明白。我们可没有因为死了而生气。 红衫四号 我很生气！ Finn （对红衫四号说）一会儿再说，戴维斯！ （转向尼克）我们可没有因为死了而生气，除了戴维斯。死亡总是会发生的。谁都逃不掉。the same as you.我们生气的是，我们死得一丁点意义都没有。尼克，你让我们死掉，但是对故事没有任何的推动作用。我们只不过是让观众在插播广告之前小小地震惊一下，但是第一条广告还没播完呢，妙脆角的商标还没从屏幕上淡出，他们就已经把我们忘得一干二净了。我们的命可不是无所谓的东西，尼克，哪怕只有我们自己在乎。你给了我们最糟糕的死法，无聊透顶，毫无意义。 Nick 毫无意义的死亡每时每刻都在发生，芬恩。人们不小心撞到了大巴，或者在浴室里滑倒，磕碎了脑袋，或者去远足结果被野生狮子给咬死了。生活就是这样。 Finn 那是你的生活，尼克。但就目前看来，至少它不是被人写成这样的。但我们却不一样。我们死在荧屏上，唯一的原因就是你杀了我们。Everyone dies.但是我们却只能按照你的喜好去死。迄今为止，你只是懒得仔细渲染铺垫最后达到一个戏剧性的瞬间，就投机取巧地用我们的死亡来充数罢了。这些你都心知肚明，尼克。 Nick 我并不—— Finn 你知道。我们都死了，尼克。我们没必要再为你的狗屎剧情浪费时间了。所以老实承认吧。承认你脑子里的真实想法。 Nick （坐了下来，一脸茫然）好吧，我明白了，好吧。我写上一集的时候，就是把所有人送回到他们世界的那一集，那时候我对自己说，“哇噢，这次我们没有杀掉任何人。”接着我们曾经在剧本里杀掉一大堆船员的方式就盘踞了我的脑海。然后我就开始思考这样的事实，他们真的都死去了。活生生的人，活生生地被杀死。然后我就不可抑制地回想着我用各种愚蠢的方式让很多人死去。不光把他们自己写得很愚蠢，周边发生的事情也很愚蠢。我让他们送死的理由也很愚蠢。这真是最愚蠢的一致性。无端产生的情节也扭曲了。我和别的作者都在用着这种伎俩，也没人喊停。然后我就开始喝酒—— Finn （点头）结果你醒来，提笔，还是一个字都写不出来。 Nick 我以为我只是不想杀人，不想为他们的死亡负责。 Finn （又跪了下来）你杀死他们时并没有负起责任，这才是让你愧疚的真相。即使你没有写下我们死去的情节，我们也总有一天会死的。事实就是这样。我想你已经明白了。 Nick 结果我以最糟糕的方式让你们死去了。我本可以换个好点的方式。 Finn Yes.你并不是冷血的死神，尼克。你是个将军。有时候将军会让手下的士兵去送死。只希望并不是白白送命。 Nick （回头望着人群）你们希望我把死亡写得更有价值一点。 Finn Yes.当然我们也不会介意死得更少一点。但死了就得有价值。我们已经死了，一切于事无补。但我们每个人都有珍视的人还活着，也许有朝一日会经过你的笔尖，如果你愿意这么形容的话。我们觉得他们应该有更好的归宿。而现在你知道你也是这么觉得的。 Nick 只要我还能保住我的饭碗。 Finn （又站了起来）你不会有事的。只要告诉他们，你在线上媒体体验了一把在虚拟和现实间穿越互动的感觉。这是一个万能借口。不管怎样，人们不会相信你笔下的角色活过来这种事情的，最多觉得你在这件事件上表现得很混蛋。不过话说回来，一些人不管怎么样都会觉得你是一个混蛋的。 Nick thanks. Finn 嘿，我早就说过，我已经死了。没时间陪你玩泥巴。赶紧从这里出去吧，在现实中醒过来。然后来到你的电脑前，尝试写作，尝试写得更好一点。还有别再酗酒啦，酒精会在你的大脑沟回里放进奇怪的东西的。 （尼克点点头，然后昏了过去。芬恩和他穿着红衫的同伴们也消失了。我猜的。） 然后我醒来了。 然后我按下了电脑的电源键。 然后我为这部电视剧写下了三十页有生以来我觉得最赞、赞到爆了的剧本。 然后我又睡过去了，因为我还没从宿醉中缓过劲来。 然后我又醒来了，还是有点迷迷糊糊的，写下了这些文字，泪流满面。因为我又可以写作了。 我的博客更新也到此为止了。它完成了它的任务——它让我克服了写作瓶颈。现在我手上有一堆剧本要写，还要监督好手下的其他剧作者的工作。我该回到正常的工作中去了。 也许你们中有人要问——这不是个恶作剧吧？也许我根本就没有遇到瓶颈，也许只是我的另一个创意项目，也许只是一个人写了太多激光啊爆炸啊外星人啊于是想出来的奇怪副产品。也许我手下的角色根本就没有来到过现实中吧？ 唔，想想看吧。我是靠幻想吃饭的。我是靠科幻吃饭的。我一直都在编造一些有的没的的东西。对于这种情况哪种解读更为合理呢？一切都是虚幻，还是说博客中提到的事情都是真实在发生的？ 你们知道最有逻辑性的回答是什么样的。 现在你们可以问问自己，是否相信它。 想一想，然后告诉我。 Finally I want to say: 再见了，网友们。 尼克·维恩斯坦《无畏号编年史》主笔
Notes:
The good news is that a lot of people are viewing this thread; the bad news is that people keep asking me questions instead of - you know - helping me.But then again, if you're going to anonymously post something like your character suddenly coming to life, I think you have to answer the curiosity of the onlookers first.Ok.So for those who need an answer, I'll just give some simple answers to the most frequently asked questions.I'll sort it out and avoid duplicating questions and answers. Bro, are you serious? Man, of course I mean it.I'm not on drugs (drugs are more fun); I'm not making up stories (if I have time to make up stories, I might as well get paid for writing them); and I'm not crazy (it's fun to be).Things are real. really? Yes. really? Yes. no really? Shut up.Next question. Why not talk to your psychiatrist? Because, contrary to popular belief, not all writers in Los Angeles need therapy to walk.My nerves are under control (well, they were, anyway).While I could have hired a therapist, the first session was pretty scary, wasn't it.And I'm not sure I won't be anesthetized and carried out of the clinic and sent to a mental hospital.Even if I'm a paranoid. Does it feel like the plot of the movie? more or less?Will Ferrell in the movie is a character in someone's book, right? (I can go to IMDb to confirm, but I'm too lazy to do it) It's just that I'm the author, not the character.So in a sense, the positions are different.I guess so? But if you think about it, even if there are many similarities, I never said that what happened to me was 100% original.I mean, there's a similar situation in there, where the characters come off the screen and into reality.And Jasper Ford's book also mentioned that everyone is a character in a fairy tale or literary work.And in Dennis Hogan's books, she's always at odds with her characters, and sometimes they don't obey her, messing up her plot.My mother loved that kind of story.Oh yes, how did I forget this, and what else.Have you not seen it?seen it already?Well when I didn't say it. There is another detail that is very inconspicuous but very important, that is, these works are all fictitious, but those things of mine are all fake.As I said earlier, there is a subtle difference.But this distinction is crucial.I am not here to claim this uniqueness.I just want to get things sorted out. Hey, is the play you wrote called (fill in the name of various plays by yourself here)? Dude, didn't your English teacher teach you about "I want to remain anonymous"?Even if you guess right, I won't tell you.Want a tip?Well, it's not called Super Producers, and I'm not Tina Fey.Um... that's right, it's Tina Fey. There are also such problems: Now, even on the internet, people will know if you're a dog or not, you know that? Yes, but this dog also knows to hang a proxy server and use a fake address when it blogs and browses the web. Why don't you write a script where no one dies? Yes, I can totally do it, but there are two consequences. 1. When the script is handed in, the producer will say: "I want to be more thrilling in this chapter! A few people will die!" Then I can only let some people die in the script, and if I don't write it, my co-author will also It was written, or one of the producers will change the script cleverly, or the director decided to kill a certain character on the spur of the moment during filming, no matter what, someone has to be cannon fodder. 2. Even if I am merciful, everything still has to follow the principle of drama, and as far as my drama is concerned, drama means that even if no one dies, they will be crippled or disfigured by various plagues, injuries, etc. .Of course, there is no doubt that it is more humane to let a person live than to let him die, but they are still miserable, and it is still my hand to them.In the end, I still feel guilty. Believe me, I really hope that the protagonists in the play can spend a full hour of non-stop feasting, eating, drinking, singing, singing, singing, dancing, dancing, and living a fairy life full of happiness (ah, but the advertising time still has to be deducted in order to earn money to support their families).I don't think our audience will mind - so the film will be full of positive energy.But this drama is not going this way, otherwise the cable TV station would not give us a schedule. I had to write something that our show needed.If I don't do it, I will be fired.I don't want to be fired. You know, if what you say is true, the existential conundrum that ensues would blow me and my friends away. Yes, I know this thing seems ridiculous.We could sit and talk for half a day—if this thing didn't turn my daily life into a 360-degree piece of shit.Do you know what my current situation is like?It's like waking up in the morning, walking out the door, and finding a T. rex crouching in your yard staring at you.You may be pleasantly surprised in the first five seconds, wow, I can actually see dinosaurs in my lifetime!Then you run for your life crying, because for a rex dinosaur, you are a delicious crunchy snack of human flesh. Is there really a T. rex squatting in your yard? No. Really boring. Be good, go out and turn left. Compared with most writers who encounter writing bottlenecks, is the author writing too much at the moment? While true, it’s not really writing, is it?I'm not trying to be a creative web writer, I just keep replying to messages and asking for help.Blogging is fine, but all I want to do is write scripts.And I can't write now.The part of my brain responsible for inspiration was completely disabled.This is called a bottleneck. You mentioned that you use Final Draft.Have you ever thought that something is wrong with your software?It is recommended to use this Scrivener, I personally tested it and it is easy to use! Whoa, really?Dude, if someone had a heart attack in front of you, don't you think it's a good opportunity to promote your low-cholesterol diet?This thing feels super superior, doesn't it? Software is not the problem.The problem is that I kill when I write.If you really have the sincerity to help, when someone else's house is on fire, don't say what brand of watering can feels good, grab the water pipe. Correspondingly, there is this: Blogger I believe in you!Let's meet up sometime and discuss it in detail!How about right in the basement of my mother's house?That's my secret base. Oh your sister.Another good reason for my anonymity, right? So now that the Q&A time is over, can't anyone be a little more reliable?are not there? anonymous writer
finally!Finally, someone's message is a little more reliable, and I will copy and paste it completely. Your last post mentioned some movies and books in which the worldlines of creator and created are broken (or at least confused) in some way.Did it ever occur to you that maybe the people who made these films or wrote these books had experiences similar to yours?Chances are they've been through it too and just haven't told anyone else, probably for the same reasons you've kept your anonymity, because it sounds really crazy.But if you approach them and tell them about your similar experience, they may gain their trust and be willing to discuss it with you.Your status as a playwright should put them off guard, at least at first. That "at least at first" is so subtle, thank you.It also makes me happy that you think a cable drama writer has something to say.Really healing. Still, to your question, I have to say, no, I hadn't thought of that because, uh, it's really crazy, right.The world we live in is real and there's no way this could happen.But I have to say, I do, and—I'm not being modest—I'm not that special, either as a writer or as a human being. So, I admit that it is entirely possible that what can happen to me can happen to someone else.And if it happened to someone else, it's entirely possible that they've found a way to fix it without being unable to write.That's the goal.So now I have a plan: find a way to reach out to these writers and see if they have the same unspeakable experience as I do. This sounds perfect at first glance, but there are some problems when you think about it carefully.To give you an idea, I will briefly write a one-act mini-theater titled "A Puzzle Sketch for Someone in Reality by an Anonymous Writer". anonymous writer Hi!Characters from my scripts came to visit me, and they said that as soon as I wrote an action scene, they would be killed by me.Have you ever encountered this situation? other writers Hello, Anonymous Writer!I have a restraining order in one hand and a stun gun in the other.Which do you want to choose first? Yes, how could such a perfect plan go wrong. But then again, I really don't have a better solution, right?So I now decided to do this: Make a list of writers whose characters have managed to break through dimensional barriers. Going out one by one and figuring out if it's based on their real experiences without making them think I'm out of my mind. This can have!Well, don't know if it will work yet, but if their work is actually based on fact, then take from them the means to be able to keep writing. Now it's time to come up with a less weird opening line.Wish me luck! anonymous writer
Guys, I'm serious: stop guessing which drama I wrote, I won't tell you, because I don't want to lose my job.This is what happens when people like me discuss my work with you (netizens).Especially someone like me who has already pulled the plug on the fact that the characters in the show came to reality and talked to them.I know you guys are happy to be human, but come on.Leave a way for people to live, okay?I promise that after this matter is settled, no matter what happens, I will report it truthfully.I mean after five years.Or after I got an Emmy.Whichever comes first (I bet "five years"). okay?Ok thanks a lot.
Hey, fellow netizens, here comes the latest development you want.I've pinpointed writers who have written storylines similar to mine, including those I've blogged about: Woody Allen, who wrote The Purple Rose of Cairo; Jasper Ford, Zack Penn, and Adam Love (who wrote "Phantom Heroes"); Zack Helm ("Life is Fantastic") and Dennis Hogan.The current plan is to approach them first to gain their trust—at least not to make them think I’m crazy—and then ask them, in the most tactful way possible, whether the work they’ve created is relevant to real-life experiences.After them come the writers, and wait to see who gets hooked. Also, to give you the thrill of being a part of it, yes, I'll tell you the responses I got -- after I've harmonized some identifying details.Oh don't look at me like that.Don't forget that I've been committed to staying anonymous.Yes.Too many details and I'll have to "come out" (a great cabinet, smelling of pine needles and desperation).But having said that, because you are very helpful, I also have the obligation to report the progress to you at any time. Also, make no mistake, I'm totally open to responses like, "Wow, you're crazier than the average internet guy who writes to me, do you need me to recommend you some antipsychotics?" Because for me That's all I can reply to the messages in my inbox right now.And actually, I did.You won't believe the crazy letters you get when you reveal who you are as the writer of a hit TV show.Maybe you can understand it.There are madmen every year, especially this year. (Temporarily left to email.) Well the emails have been sent.Now we have to see how long it takes to hear back.How about opening a gamble? anonymous writer
Wow, not as long as I thought it would be.The first reply came.I pasted the content below: XX sent from gmail.com Show details 4:33 PM (0 minutes ago) Dear Anonymous Writer: Hello, I am XX and I am the assistant of XXX.We have your inquiry, please tell us if this is some kind of creative interview assignment for a major magazine or newspaper?waiting for your reply. My reply is: Hello, XX.No, this has nothing to do with any newspaper or magazine or blog (well, maybe except my own blog).This is actually my personal behavior.Can you tell XXX if there is time for a meeting?I would appreciate any help. The assistant responded like this: Sorry, XXX is temporarily unavailable.Thank you for your attention and wish you success in your work. Translated into adult words: If it is "People Magazine", or even "Us Weekly", we will put up with your pretending to be crazy.But since it's a crazy freelance writer, let's go as far as we can. sigh.Once upon a time, this city was full of respect for crazy paranoid freelance writers!I think it was the early 1980s.David Lee Roth was hanging around the Whiskey Row back then.This is what I heard.I was, probably, only six years old at the time. One road is blocked, and there are still five roads to go... anonymous writer
There are new replies.It looks very beefy. Recipient: Anonymous Writer Sender: Mr. X and XX, XXX, XXX and XX Dear Mr Writer: The inquiry email you sent to Mr. X was forwarded to us by his assistant. I think it is your letter behavior that makes them feel that it is necessary to ask us to intervene. Mr. X has carefully considered his right to privacy. Your letter made him feel very disturbed, not only by the content of the letter itself, but also by contacting him in a private letter because he was unknown. Now our client has decided to give up letting the X Police Station investigate you and your correspondence to avoid further expansion of the situation.However, we ask that you cease any contact with our customers in any way.If you still do not cooperate, we will forward all the contents of the letter to the X Police Department and the FBI, and may apply for a restraining order against you.I don't need to tell you that such an investigation would immediately make the news and have serious consequences for your career as a screenwriter for XXXXXX. We believe this will also be our last contact. Sincerely, salute! Mr. X and XX, XXX, XXX and XX call. For the record, the email I sent wasn't that crazy: "Dear Mr. X, I happened to be standing by your bed last night watching you sleep..." I really didn't write that, I swear. Either this person is getting harassing emails that are particularly perverted, from people who dress up like his cat and stand outside his house.Or the man was frightened by my letter for some other reason entirely.Ok…… So is it necessary to bother the FBI? No no, obviously not necessary. At least not yet.I really don't understand. Now I have the urge to dress up like that gentleman's cat and stand in front of his house.But it's too early, and it's weekend night.Maybe some licks to start with. anonymous writer
There is this reply: I still can't quite believe that you actually saw your character come to life, but as a writer who is always plagued by writing bottlenecks, I find it interesting that you can poke fun at yourself like this on this page, Especially when your real career is at stake.If I were you, I'd pee my pants by now. Oh trust me, me too.I really am.I no longer feel safe in my own place.I had to go shopping at night so my neighbors wouldn't see me.Then throw the finished trash in the next-door neighbor's bin so it won't be tracked.I am in no way proud of this behavior.My pants weren't dry either. I want to let you in on a little secret, fellow netizens: I'm writing this blog right now in part to deal with fear.The last time I didn't create anything for a week was back in college when I was in the hospital for six days with a really bad bout of food poisoning. (The food in the school cafeteria wasn't always fresh. I wasn't the only victim. My dorm was known as a vomiting mecca for a long time. I digress.) Even in that case, even if I I was so sick that I nearly vomited my guts out, and my mind never stopped working on plots and dialogues.And now, as soon as I start thinking about a plot or dialogue for a script, there's a thick wall in my head.I.real.of.Write.No.out.Come. I have never encountered such a thing.I'm really panicking, I'm afraid this is the story - the source of inspiration has dried up, and from now on I have nowhere else to go but teaching at the Continuing Education Institute.I mean, damn it, you might as well kill me now.I am in a panic all day long, and there are probably only two things I can do right now. 1. Make a special cocktail with antifreeze and OxyContin, then take a long, luxurious bath with my toaster. 2. Substituting blogging for writing is like substituting methadone for opioid dependence. As a result of one of these methods, my swollen and festered body was found a week later.Guess which one it is. About poking fun at yourself, well, here it is.When I was twelve years old, my appendix ruptured, and when people rushed me into the operating room, I asked the doctor, "Will this affect my piano skills in the future?" The doctor said, "Don't worry, you still Can continue to play the piano." I replied, "Wow, I couldn't play it before!" Then they put me down with an anesthesia injection. What I want to express is that even if I die from acute peritonitis, I still can't change my poor mouth.Make fun of it even if you fail. (Actually, as my dad said in the ward, "You deserve it when you say what's wrong. You don't want to be my son." My dad took the joke seriously.) All in all, if I really described my fear of gut knots, arrhythmias, and breathlessness, you'd all be crossing the top right corner to close the page by now.Maybe I'll just break the jar.So I think it's better to laugh at yourself. what do y'all think? anonymous writer
Hey, let me report back on the progress.The letter I received from another person went like this - Dear Anonymous Writer: Your emails interest me in every sense of the word.In fact, the things I write about in my book and my real life really intersect.Your carefully evasive question makes me think that you may also have encountered this kind of intersection. In that case, I'm going to Los Angeles tomorrow to talk to my film agent about the shooting plans at XXXXXXXXX studio.I'd love to meet and talk with you once I've gone through the ceremonies.My hotel is in XXXXXXX.If you have time, let's meet at the bar there at 5 o'clock. your XXX That sounds very reliable.The only thing I have to watch out for right now is not to die of anxiety over the next 24 hours.Luckily I have meetings all day tomorrow.Yes, I said luckily—the more meetings there are, the less people will ask me about the progress of the script.It's getting harder and harder to keep up.I also suggested that other playwrights work together. He first wrote a rough outline or first draft of the story.I can let him write the first draft because I am higher than him, and I don't have to feel bad about it, he still owes me money anyway.I would question my own moral foundation.But right now I really have no choice. Hopefully the writer I'm meeting with tomorrow can give me some solid advice.After all, there is a limit to what you can do by using meetings to escape and squeeze your subordinates. anonymous writer
Ok.I've already met the writer.She is Dennis Hogan.In order to better describe our "conversation", I decided to use the way I am most familiar with. Cafe interior - table in the corner - daytime Two people were sitting at the table with coffee in their hands and unfinished muffins on the table.They are Anonymous Writer and Dennis Hogan.They had been talking for an hour, starting with the anonymous writer describing to Dennis what had happened to him. dennis You are really involved in a very interesting situation. anonymous writer "Interesting" is not the word I would use to describe this.I prefer to describe it as "unparalleled". dennis OK, that's all right. anonymous writer But the same thing happened to you too, right?When you write these characters in a novel, they are always at odds with you, ignore your arrangements, and often do what they want.This is also your logo.You write as if everything really happened. dennis (politely) Well, I think we'd better define some of these expressions. anonymous writer (Leaning back in chair) Clear definition?It sounds like "No, I haven't really had that happen to me, you nuts." dennis (patting the table) Anonymous writer, do you think I'm not sincere enough? anonymous writer Remember what I confided in you that hour ago?You call this sincerity?Well please go ahead. dennis I came here because I read your blog. anonymous writer I don't have a blog. dennis You just didn't register with your real name.You use the screen name "Anonymous Writer". anonymous writer (patting the table) Oh.Oh hell. dennis (raises hands) Don't get excited.I'm not here to expose you. anonymous writer hell. (Stands up to leave, hesitates for a while, then sits back) How do you know? dennis Any way for anyone with an ego to get information online.I have a Google News associated with my name. anonymous writer (waves hands in the air) Fuck Google! dennis I clicked on the link to see what a broken writer would be like.After seeing the content of your blog, I added it to the RSS blog feed.So I knew you'd be in touch before you even sent an email. anonymous writer So you're not really here to meet your movie agent. dennis Uh, not so.I had lunch with him, and we did discuss some things related to Paramount movies.But I called him to say I was coming after I got your email.Don't worry, I didn't tell him extra information. anonymous writer So your characters don't actually appear in reality to talk to you either. dennis If it's not the clichéd way authors say their characters come to life, no. anonymous writer Ok. (stands up again) Thank you for wasting a good part of my day.Very happy to see you. dennis But we still have something in common. anonymous writer Besides wasting an entire afternoon? dennis (disapprovingly) Look, I'm not here to see freak shows up close.My first husband has shown me enough.I'm here because I think I understand your situation better than you do.I've had writing bottlenecks too, really bad bottlenecks. anonymous writer How bad is it? dennis I couldn't write anything for more than a year.Well, is that bad enough? anonymous writer Maybe. dennis I think I can help you get over it.Because whether or not I believe that your character really came to reality, at least my own writing bottleneck is similar to your current situation where you can't write words. anonymous writer If you don't believe what I say, I don't know how your situation can be anything like mine. dennis Because we all feel that the role we have is very tricky. anonymous writer (cautiously returns to his seat) Go on. dennis For whatever reason, you are afraid that your writing will lead to the death of characters, which prevents you from writing.In my case, I couldn't get the character to do certain things.I can arrange for them to approach danger, but when it's time for them to light the fuse—something like that critical turning point—I can't make them do it.I did everything in my power to get them out of the hole that I had worked so hard to get them to fall in.This is really not a good way.In the end I was completely exhausted.I couldn't write a single word. anonymous writer But it's just your- dennis (holds out hand) Wait, I'm not done yet.Finally, one day I sat in front of the computer and I couldn't do anything to my characters, and I ended up letting the characters attack me. "Haven't you fucking figured it out yet? Haven't you? Well, I'll do it." Then he did something I didn't expect - I didn't even want him to do it - and he did After it dries, inspiration floods my bottleneck dam.My character did the thing I was most afraid of him doing. anonymous writer what is it dennis With a broker.It is operating with precautions, and even has long-term countermeasures for characters that may encounter unexpected events. anonymous writer Believe me, the problem my character is having is not some agent. dennis I didn't say that.But my character does something else.They even have acts of rebellion. anonymous writer What? dennis It's my own fault for writing too badly.I couldn't do what the characters expected me to do for them—I didn't have the guts to write them vividly.So they came by themselves.And thanks to them, I mean I thanks to them, the disconnected parts of my brain seem to be connected.Maybe you can try it out too. anonymous writer etc.Did you just say that my writing sucks? dennis I don't. anonymous writer That's good. dennis But I have watched your TV series.Most of the scripts are really badly written. anonymous writer (waves) Oh, forgive me. dennis (continued) And it's unreasonably bad. anonymous writer (Leans forward) Have you ever written a script?Do you know how difficult it is to wait for the TV series that is updated every Monday? dennis No, but you write.Let me ask you, do you really think you have worked hard?Don't forget, I subscribed to your Weibo.I've read all kinds of excuses you give for your poor production quality, even if you pride yourself on your speed, it's still shoddy. anonymous writer This has nothing to do with my inability to write a single word now. dennis are not there?I couldn't write because I knew I was bad at writing and I didn't have the guts to get over it.You know you write badly, but you keep trying to excuse yourself.也许这个瓶颈就是想告诉你，找借口不是出路。 匿名作家 拜托，我又不是因为写得不好才写不出来的。我只是不想写死别人！ 丹尼斯 （点头）嗯，我相信你的新借口。 匿名作家 （又站了起来）我刚才就觉得我在浪费时间。现在我确定了。还是得谢谢你。我会注意在写博客的时候不要挂上你的名字的。 丹尼斯 如果你真的要放上博客，就用我的名字好了，然后问问你的读者们，我说的有没有道理。你说你想要他们的帮助。那我就看看你到底乐不乐意接受这样的帮助。 （匿名作家走出大门） 好了，我这一晚上的时间都彻底搭在这上面了，听一个我原本以为能帮上忙的女人批斗我是一个如何糟糕的作家——噢等等，不是个糟糕的作家，只是写得比较糟而已。这两者之间还是有一些微妙区别的。 而且，我从来没有说过我为这部戏写的剧本很糟糕。我只说它并不是莎士比亚的戏剧。我只说它还不够格获得艾美奖。但这不等同于糟。我想我对于自己还是挺有自知之明的，所以如果我写得很糟我会承认。但是如果你不会写东西，或者作品很烂，你又怎么能几年来一直靠写作吃饭呢。信不信由你，你总得有个在这行生存下去的技能底线。伙计们，我好歹在南加州大学主修电影，拿了艺术学硕士学位。这玩意儿可不是送给我的。我倒是希望他们伸手发给我呢。那样的话，我就不会在找到第一份工作之前，欠了六年的学生贷款。可惜他们不送。 我想说的是，去你的丹尼斯·霍根。我可不是你在洛杉矶的廉价消遣物。我是真心想向你讨教，结果你就是把我和我的作品喷了个狗血淋头。真是醍醐灌顶。有朝一日我会滴水之恩涌泉相报的。 与此同时呢，就让各位网友看看你给予我的这个巨大“帮助”吧。我相信他们一定都喜闻乐见。 匿名作家
今天，我的手机收到了掴客网的一条消息，上面说他们已经根据我在这里写的文字信息推断出我就是匿名作家，比如说我的电视剧在基本有线台播放啦，是个每集一小时的片子啦，已经播出了好几季啦，戏里死了好多人啦，还有我是南加州大学的学生，毕业六年后才找到了自己的第一份全职工作之类的。 还有一个原因就是我提到了丹尼斯·霍根，他们去搜索了她的照片，找到了一张她今天在伯班克和一个长得和我很像的家伙会面的照片。照片是她的一个粉丝用iPhone拍下的。她太羞涩，所以没有上前和丹尼斯打招呼。但也并不那么羞涩嘛，你看她现在倒是有胆量把这照片上传到全世界一半人口都能连线的社交网站上去。 然后呢，掴客网就想把这个事情做个节目，大概二十分钟的样子吧。那位聒噪的小编辑问我是否有要说的。当然，我有话要说： 去你的。 Gone. 现在我要把仅剩的一点点时间用来做回《无畏号编年史》的剧作家，做我早就该做的事情，在事情变成这样的那一刻起我就该这么做了：坐在沙发上，拿着一大瓶占边威士忌，仰头痛饮。 谢谢，各位网友。我的小小冒险终于让我看透这一切了。 爱你们的 现在已经不那么匿名了的作家
亲爱的网友们： 首先，我正宿醉，拜托别那么闪亮。把亮度调低点儿。 噢，等等，我自己电脑上可以搞定。Wait a minute. OK这会儿好多了。 其次，发生了非常重大的事情。我得一吐为快。 还是和上次一样，我得用剧本格式来说事了。别介意。 外景——平淡无奇的天空和广阔无垠的大地在地平线相交——大概是白天 匿了名字的作——噢呸，匿名作家，虽然网上不少人已经知道他的真实身份了：尼克·维恩斯坦从远处走来，扶额，面部抽搐。身边一个男人随意地跪着。他们身后不远有一大群人。他们，和尼克身边的男人一样，都穿着红衫。 man finally. Nick （环顾四周）好吧，我放弃了。where am i man 一个平坦、灰暗、毫无特色的空地，不知道会延伸到何处。用来形容你的大脑真是再恰当不过了，尼克。 Nick （看着男人）你看着有点儿面熟。 man （微笑）当然。你杀了我。不过几集以前的事情呢。 Nick （愣了几秒，接着说）芬恩，对吧？ Finn That's right.你还记得是怎么杀掉我的吗？ Nick 用一个自爆的脑袋。 Finn Correct again. Nick 虽然爆的不是你的头。 Finn 不是，是别人的。我只是正好在那里。（站着，指向人群中的某一个人）那个人就是被你爆头的。挥个手，杰！ （杰冲他们挥手。尼克也小心翼翼地挥了挥。） Nick （站得不太稳，盯着杰）他的脑袋看上去从那个爆炸中恢复得不错。 Finn 我们觉得，别让你看到我们惨遭你毒手时候的形象比较好。那样的话，杰就是个无头骑士，我则周身严重烧伤，别人就是被肢解或者被吃掉了一块或者因为可怕的未知疫病肌肉从骨头上溶解了下来等等一系列惨状。你懂的，惨不忍睹。我们觉得你看到那样的光景一定会崩溃的。 Nick thanks. Finn You're welcome. Nick 我觉得这一切都太不真实了，我一定是在做梦。 Finn It's a dream.但不意味着这就是虚幻。 Nick （挠头）按照我目前的思考力来说，有点儿难以理解，芬恩。 Finn 那么我们这么说吧，它是真实的，只是托了梦给你，不然你怎么会和死人交谈呢？ Nick 你们为什么要和我交谈？ Finn 因为我们有事情要问你。 Nick 我已经不再杀害你们的同伴了。托你们的福我什么都写不出来。因此我马上就要失业了。 Finn 你写不出东西来，我知道。但并不是我们的原因。至少不是直接原因。 Nick 是我的大脑罢工了。我想我知道为什么会这样了。 Finn 我并没有说你不知道写不出剧本的原因。但是你并没有老实地向自己承认。 Nick 别曲解我的意思，芬恩。你的尤达式腔调已经老掉牙了。 Finn Ok.那我就这么说。丹尼斯·霍根？She was right. Nick （挥动双手）连在我的脑内，这个名字都阴魂不散。 Finn 你是个很棒的作家，尼克。但是你太懒了。（指着那一群人）我们中的大部分人都死于你的懒散。 Nick 拜托，这么说太可笑了。你们死了，因为这是一部动作片。动作片里总有人要死。只不过是因为这，是，一，部，动，作，片。 Finn （看着尼克，然后指着人群中的一个人）你！说说你怎么死的？ 红衫一号 冰鲨！ Finn （转向尼克）你玩我们呢？一条冰鲨？这玩意儿在生物学上存在吗？（转回人群）有人随随便便就被各种宇宙生物吃掉的吗？ 红衫二号 彭纳斯螃蟹！ 红衫三号 天仓五上的巨型獾！ 红衫四号 博格维陆虫！ Nick （对红衫四号说）我可没有写什么陆虫！（对芬恩说）我告诉你，那些都不是我写的。我一直都在替人背黑锅。 Finn 谁让你是电视剧的主创呢，尼克。不管这几个人是不是死在你手上，你肯定也写过不少这种死于奇怪动物袭击的事情。 Nick 这部戏一周更新一集…… Finn 我知道这部戏是周更，但有更多周更的剧集不是这么烂的，尼克。包括不少科幻连续剧。那些周更的科幻剧至少在努力避免应付任务。你却用你的工作日程和影片类型来开脱。（转身对人群说）你们中有多少人是在六号到十二号甲板之间死掉的？ （好几十只手举了起来。芬恩扭头看着尼克，等待他的回答。） Nick 这艘船得遭受损失。这部戏要拍出戏剧效果。 Finn 这艘船得遭受损失。Ok.那也没必要每次遇到这种情况的时候你都让一大堆无名的船员被吸进太空里吧？这种事情一而再再而三地发生，宇宙联盟早就会敦促改进这种结构设计缺陷了！ Nick 听着，芬恩，我明白了。你们只是死了很不爽。me too.我就是因为这个才写不出东西来的！ Finn 你不明白。我们可没有因为死了而生气。 红衫四号 我很生气！ Finn （对红衫四号说）一会儿再说，戴维斯！ （转向尼克）我们可没有因为死了而生气，除了戴维斯。死亡总是会发生的。谁都逃不掉。the same as you.我们生气的是，我们死得一丁点意义都没有。尼克，你让我们死掉，但是对故事没有任何的推动作用。我们只不过是让观众在插播广告之前小小地震惊一下，但是第一条广告还没播完呢，妙脆角的商标还没从屏幕上淡出，他们就已经把我们忘得一干二净了。我们的命可不是无所谓的东西，尼克，哪怕只有我们自己在乎。你给了我们最糟糕的死法，无聊透顶，毫无意义。 Nick 毫无意义的死亡每时每刻都在发生，芬恩。人们不小心撞到了大巴，或者在浴室里滑倒，磕碎了脑袋，或者去远足结果被野生狮子给咬死了。生活就是这样。 Finn 那是你的生活，尼克。但就目前看来，至少它不是被人写成这样的。但我们却不一样。我们死在荧屏上，唯一的原因就是你杀了我们。Everyone dies.但是我们却只能按照你的喜好去死。迄今为止，你只是懒得仔细渲染铺垫最后达到一个戏剧性的瞬间，就投机取巧地用我们的死亡来充数罢了。这些你都心知肚明，尼克。 Nick 我并不—— Finn 你知道。我们都死了，尼克。我们没必要再为你的狗屎剧情浪费时间了。所以老实承认吧。承认你脑子里的真实想法。 Nick （坐了下来，一脸茫然）好吧，我明白了，好吧。我写上一集的时候，就是把所有人送回到他们世界的那一集，那时候我对自己说，“哇噢，这次我们没有杀掉任何人。”接着我们曾经在剧本里杀掉一大堆船员的方式就盘踞了我的脑海。然后我就开始思考这样的事实，他们真的都死去了。活生生的人，活生生地被杀死。然后我就不可抑制地回想着我用各种愚蠢的方式让很多人死去。不光把他们自己写得很愚蠢，周边发生的事情也很愚蠢。我让他们送死的理由也很愚蠢。这真是最愚蠢的一致性。无端产生的情节也扭曲了。我和别的作者都在用着这种伎俩，也没人喊停。然后我就开始喝酒—— Finn （点头）结果你醒来，提笔，还是一个字都写不出来。 Nick 我以为我只是不想杀人，不想为他们的死亡负责。 Finn （又跪了下来）你杀死他们时并没有负起责任，这才是让你愧疚的真相。即使你没有写下我们死去的情节，我们也总有一天会死的。事实就是这样。我想你已经明白了。 Nick 结果我以最糟糕的方式让你们死去了。我本可以换个好点的方式。 Finn Yes.你并不是冷血的死神，尼克。你是个将军。有时候将军会让手下的士兵去送死。只希望并不是白白送命。 Nick （回头望着人群）你们希望我把死亡写得更有价值一点。 Finn Yes.当然我们也不会介意死得更少一点。但死了就得有价值。我们已经死了，一切于事无补。但我们每个人都有珍视的人还活着，也许有朝一日会经过你的笔尖，如果你愿意这么形容的话。我们觉得他们应该有更好的归宿。而现在你知道你也是这么觉得的。 Nick 只要我还能保住我的饭碗。 Finn （又站了起来）你不会有事的。只要告诉他们，你在线上媒体体验了一把在虚拟和现实间穿越互动的感觉。这是一个万能借口。不管怎样，人们不会相信你笔下的角色活过来这种事情的，最多觉得你在这件事件上表现得很混蛋。不过话说回来，一些人不管怎么样都会觉得你是一个混蛋的。 Nick thanks. Finn 嘿，我早就说过，我已经死了。没时间陪你玩泥巴。赶紧从这里出去吧，在现实中醒过来。然后来到你的电脑前，尝试写作，尝试写得更好一点。还有别再酗酒啦，酒精会在你的大脑沟回里放进奇怪的东西的。 （尼克点点头，然后昏了过去。芬恩和他穿着红衫的同伴们也消失了。我猜的。） 然后我醒来了。 然后我按下了电脑的电源键。 然后我为这部电视剧写下了三十页有生以来我觉得最赞、赞到爆了的剧本。 然后我又睡过去了，因为我还没从宿醉中缓过劲来。 然后我又醒来了，还是有点迷迷糊糊的，写下了这些文字，泪流满面。因为我又可以写作了。 我的博客更新也到此为止了。它完成了它的任务——它让我克服了写作瓶颈。现在我手上有一堆剧本要写，还要监督好手下的其他剧作者的工作。我该回到正常的工作中去了。 也许你们中有人要问——这不是个恶作剧吧？也许我根本就没有遇到瓶颈，也许只是我的另一个创意项目，也许只是一个人写了太多激光啊爆炸啊外星人啊于是想出来的奇怪副产品。也许我手下的角色根本就没有来到过现实中吧？ 唔，想想看吧。我是靠幻想吃饭的。我是靠科幻吃饭的。我一直都在编造一些有的没的的东西。对于这种情况哪种解读更为合理呢？一切都是虚幻，还是说博客中提到的事情都是真实在发生的？ 你们知道最有逻辑性的回答是什么样的。 现在你们可以问问自己，是否相信它。 想一想，然后告诉我。 Finally I want to say: 再见了，网友们。 尼克·维恩斯坦《无畏号编年史》主笔
Notes: