Chapter 30 Chapter 30 Fear Space

I am ready.Stepping into the room, I didn't carry any guns to arm myself, only the plans I made last night.As Tobias said, the third test was mental preparation—I had to come up with strategies to overcome my fears. Wish I knew the order in which the fears would come.I kept tiptoing, waiting for the first fear to appear.Breathing also began to quicken. The ground beneath his feet suddenly changed.Grass came out of the concrete and swayed in the wind, which, strangely, I couldn't feel.Gone are the exposed pipes overhead, replaced by a turquoise sky.I pricked up my ears, waiting for the sound of the birds, feeling that fear was still a distant thing, a beating heart and a tight chest, not something inside of me.Tobias asked me to find out what situational simulations meant.He was right, it had nothing to do with the birds.It's mostly about control.

The crow's wings flapped against my ears, and its talons dug into my shoulders. This time, I didn't slap the crow desperately, but squatted on the ground, quietly listening to the rumbling sound of the wings flapping behind me, and then pressed my hands to the ground and pawed and pulled in the grass.What overcomes feelings of powerlessness?That is power.At Dauntless, the first time I felt empowered was when I held a gun in my hand. My throat is a little choked, I hope these nasty claws stay away from me.The bird kept croaking, and my heart suddenly tightened.But then, I touched a solid metal object in the grass, it was a gun.my gun.

I aimed the gun at the bird over my shoulder.There was a shot, blood and feathers exploded, and it fell off my shirt.I turned around on my heels, pointed my gun at the sky, and a large flock of black birds swooped down from the sky.I squeezed the trigger and fired again and again at the flock of birds overhead, watching their black bodies fall into the grass. As I aimed and fired, I felt the power again, just as I felt when I first held the gun.The heart stopped beating wildly, the grass, guns, and birds were all gone.I was plunged into darkness again. I moved my body and suddenly heard something creaking under my feet.I crouch down and slide my hands down the cold, smooth panel—glass again.I put my hands on the glass on either side of my body.Another water tank.My fear was not drowning, which had nothing to do with water; it was my inability to escape from the tank, which had to do with my weakness.Just convince yourself that I am strong enough to break the glass.

At this time, the blue light came on, and the water overflowed from the bottom of the tank.I can't let this scenario go any further.I tapped my hand on the front glass, expecting it to crack. The hand was bounced back and the tank was intact. My heart rate suddenly increased.What if what worked in the first scenario simulation doesn't work here?What if I can only break the glass when I'm cornered?The water circled my ankles, rising faster and faster.I have to calm down.Be calm, be focused.I leaned against the wall of the water tank behind me and kicked the glass with all my strength until my toes were numb and painful, but it was still in vain.

There is another option, I can wait for the water to fill the tank - it's up to my knees anyway - and then keep calm while drowning.Body pressed against the tank wall, I shook my head.No, I cannot allow myself to be drowned.cannot. I clenched my hands into fists and slammed on the glass.I must be stronger than glass, which is as thin as fresh ice and shatters at a blow.I'm going to make it that way with a lot of willpower of my own.I closed my eyes and kept telling myself that glass is thin ice, glass is thin ice, glass is— Suddenly, the glass shattered under my palm and water poured all over the floor.Then I was back in the dark again.

I shook my hands, thinking that should be an easy obstacle to overcome.I've experienced this before in situational simulations.I can't afford to waste time like that again. What looked like a solid wall hit me from the side, forcing the air out of my lungs, and I fell hard, gasping for breath.I can't swim and I've only seen such a large, powerful body of water before in pictures.Below me was a rock with jagged edges, wet and slippery from the water.The current tugged at my legs, and I clung to the rock, a salty taste on my lips.Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a dark sky and a blood-red moon.

Another wave rushed over and slapped my back hard, and my chin hit the rock all of a sudden, making me flinch in pain.The sea water was cold, but my blood was warm and slowly crawled down my neck.I reached out and groped, and finally found the edge of the rock.The water tugged at my legs with an irresistible force, and I clung to the rock with all my strength, but I was not strong enough—the current pulled me, and the waves threw my body backward.It threw me on my head, arms outstretched, and hit the rocks.With the stones on my back, the water kept rushing over my face.Feeling suffocated, my lungs desperate for air, I writhed, gripped the edge of the rock, and pulled myself out of the water; still panting, another wave came, stronger than the first, but I was steady Hold on to the rock.

I'm sure it's not really the fear of the water, it's the fear of losing control.I'm going to face it and regain control. With a scream of despair, I reached forward and groped around until I found a hole in the rock.I firmly grasped the hole and dragged my body forward, my arms shaking violently.I finally dragged my feet out of the water before the next wave swept me away.Once my feet were free, I got up, ran, and began to lunge.Step on the stone quickly, the blood-red moon is in front of you, and the sea is far away. All the scenes disappeared, only I stood still in place, it seemed a little too quiet.I wanted to move my arms, but they were tied tightly to my sides with ropes. I looked down and saw that the ropes were still wrapped around my chest, arms, and legs. There was a pile of wood under my feet, and a large pillar was tied behind me. , and I'm hanging in mid-air.

A group of people stepped out of the shadows, their faces all familiar.It was this year's group of freshmen, they carried torches, and Pete walked in the front.His eyes looked like black holes, and he had a smirk, his cheeks wrinkled because his mouth was too wide.Someone in the crowd burst out laughing wildly, and then the laughter spread out in waves, and the waves of laughter were higher than the waves. As the laughter grew louder, Pete lowered the torch closer to the log, and flames shot up from the ground.The fire flickered on the edge of the wood, and then burned along the bark.Instead of breaking free like I did the first time I faced this fear, I just closed my eyes and sucked in as much air as I could.It's just a simulation, it won't hurt me at all.The heat from the flames rose and enveloped me.I shake my head.

"Zombie, do you smell it?" Pete's voice overshadowed the laughter. "No." I said.The flame burns higher and higher. He sniffed and sniffed: "It's the smell of your thin skin and tender meat being burnt." I opened my eyes, my vision blurred by tears. "Know what I smell?" I hissed, trying to drown out the laughter around me.That laughter oppressed me as much as it burned.The pain in my arm was painful, and I couldn't help trying to break free from the rope.But I won't do that, I won't struggle needlessly, and I won't panic.

I stare at Pete through the flames, the heat engorging the surface of my skin, the blood flowing through my body, melting my toes. "I smell raindrops." In an instant, thunder rumbled above my head.When the flames burned my fingertips and the pain spread all over my body, I could not help but scream.I looked up at the dark clouds that had built up overhead, heavy with rain, dark with rain.A bolt of lightning pierced the sky, and the first drops of rain fell on my forehead.Faster, faster!Raindrops rolled down my nostrils.The second drop landed on my shoulder, so heavy it seemed to be made of ice or stone instead of water droplets. As the rain poured down on me, I heard the hiss over the laughter.When the heavy rain extinguished the flames and "caressed" the burns on my hands, I smiled knowingly and breathed a sigh of relief.The rope disappeared, and I smoothed my messy hair. Wish I had only four fears to face, like Tobias, but I'm not that fearless yet. I smoothed my shirt and looked up to find myself standing in the bedroom of the Disinterested family.I had never faced this fear before.The lights were off, but the moonlight coming in through the windows brightened the room.One wall was covered with mirrors, and I turned to look, confused.No, they never allowed me to have a mirror. I look at my reflection in the mirror: the staring eyes, the taut gray sheets on the bed, the closet where my clothes hang, the bookcase, the bare walls.My eyes flick to the window behind me. A man is standing outside the window. The chill slid down my spine like a bead of sweat, and my body froze.I recognized him, he is the scar-faced man in the personality test!He was dressed in black and stood there like a statue, motionless.I blinked, and two figures appeared to his left and right, as motionless as he, but their faces had no features—only skin covering the skull. As soon as I turned around, they were standing in the bedroom, and I leaned my shoulders against the mirror. There was a moment of deathly stillness in the room, and then there were fists banging on the window, not just two, or four, or six, but dozens of fists, dozens of fingers, banging on the glass violently, the sound boomed. chest cavity.Then, the Scarfaced Man and his two faceless companions walked slowly and cautiously towards me. They're here to get me, like Pete, Drew, Al, to take my life.I am well aware of this! This is simulation.This is just a simulation.With my heart beating violently in my chest, I pressed my palm to the glass behind me and slid to the left.It turned out not to be a mirror, but a closet door.I told myself where the weapon might be.It may be hanging on the wall on the right, only a dozen centimeters away from my hand.I never took my eyes off the scarfaced man, but I felt for the gun with my fingertips, and closed my hand on the handle. I bit my lip tightly and shot at the scar-faced man. I didn't wait to see if the bullet hit him——as fast as I could, I shot at the two faceless men one by one.My lips hurt from biting so hard.The banging on the window disappeared, but there was a sharp scratching sound, and fists turned into hands, all with bent fingers, grabbing the glass under my nose, trying to break through the window.Under the pressure of their palms, the glass shattered. I screamed horribly. The gun is almost out of bullets. Those pale bodies—yes, they were human, but their bodies were torn apart, their arms twisted at weird angles, their wide grinning mouths showed needle-like teeth, and their eye sockets were empty—wobbling They rushed into my bedroom, one after another, scrambling to move forward, scrambling to run towards me.I stepped back into the closet and closed the front door.Is there any way, I need a solution.I crouched down and curled up in a ball, the side of the gun against my head.Since I can't beat them, and I can't drive them away, I have to calm down. Fear Space records my steady heart rate, as well as my breathing, and automatically advances to the next obstacle. I sit on the baseboard of the closet.The wall creaked behind him.I heard the beating sound—the fists were beating again, this time on the closet door—and I turned my head, and through the darkness I saw a panel behind me.It turned out that it was not a cabinet wall, but a door!I groped and pushed the door aside, revealing the upstairs walkway.I smiled comfortably, climbed out of the hole and stood up, smelling the aroma of baking, I am back home. I took a deep breath, but home disappeared bit by bit before my eyes.For a split second, I forgot that I was in the Dauntless base. Then Tobias stood in front of me. But I'm not afraid of him at all.I looked back, thinking maybe there was something behind me that needed my attention.But no - just a four-poster behind me. Bed, what is this for? Tobias walked slowly towards me. What exactly is going on? I stared at him, unable to move.He smiled and looked at me tenderly.That smile looked so kind, so familiar. His lips pressed against mine, and my mouth was slightly parted.I've always been confident that I would never forget that I was in a situational simulation.But I was wrong, he let everything fall apart. His fingers found the zipper of my jacket, and slowly pulled it down until it came completely apart, then pulled the jacket off my shoulders. what.When he kissed me again, there was only one word in my mind: ah. It turned out that what I was afraid of was being with him.Growing up, I was very careful about relationships.But I didn't know how deep-rooted this caution was. But this fear was not like the others. It was a completely different kind of fear—nervous and panicked, not blindly afraid. His hand suddenly slid slowly down his arm, gently pinched my buttocks, and his fingers slid over the skin above my belt, I couldn't help but shiver. I gently pushed him away and put my hand on his forehead, feeling a bit at a loss.Attacked by crows, attacked by a couple of grimaces, the guy who nearly pushed me off the ledge tried to burn me on fire, nearly drowned—twice again—and that's just what I couldn't handle of it?It's a real fear I can't overcome - a guy I like wants to have sex with me...? Situational Tobias kisses my neck. I thought hard, I had to face my fear, I had to take control of the situation and find a way to make myself less afraid. I stared at Tobias in the virtual situation, and said firmly, "I will not sleep with you in hallucinations. Understand?" As I said that, I grabbed his shoulders tightly, and the two turned around together.I pushed him over so his back was against the bedpost.Apart from the fear, I still have another feeling, which is the tingling pain in my heart and the surging smile.I leaned against him and kissed him, wrapping my arms around his arms.He felt so strong and felt...so good. Then he disappeared. I buried my face in my hands and laughed until my face was hot.I am probably the only freshman who has "intimacy phobia". At this time, the sound of pulling the trigger sounded in the ear. I almost forgot about this crop.I felt the weight of the gun in my hand, gripped the handle of the gun tightly, and pulled the trigger with my index finger.Suddenly, a bright light was cast on the ceiling, but the source of the light source was unknown.But standing in the circle of light are my mother, my father, and my brother. "Do it." A voice hissed in my ear.It was a woman's voice, but rough, like a mixture of stone and broken glass.Sounds like Jeanine. The barrel of the gun pressed against my temple, and a cold circle pressed against my skin.The chill spread through my body and made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.I wiped the cold sweat from my palms on my pants and glanced at the woman out of the corner of my eye.It was she, Jeanine.Her glasses were askew and her eyes were empty. This is my deepest fear: that family members will die, and it will be my fault. "Hit it," she said again, stronger this time, "shoot, or I'll kill you." I looked at Caleb, who nodded at me, his brows furrowed in a look of sympathy and approval. "Come on, Beatrice," he said softly, "I understand you, it's okay." My eyes were hot: "No." My throat was so tight that it hurt.I shake my head. "Ten seconds to think about it!" she yelled. "The countdown is on. Ten! Nine!" My eyes jumped from my brother to my father.The last time I saw him, he looked at me with contempt, but now, his eyes are wide and gentle.In real life, I've never seen him look like that. "Beatrice," he said, "you have no choice." "Eight!" "Beatrice," my mother smiled, so sweetly, "we all love you." "seven!" "Shut up!" I yelled, raising my gun.I thought silently: I can do it, and I will definitely be able to shoot and kill them.They will understand my situation.They wanted me to shoot, they didn't want me to sacrifice myself for them.Besides, they're not real at all, it's all just a simulation! "six!" This is not true.It doesn't make any sense!My brother's kind eyes were like an electric drill drilling two holes in my head.The sweat on his hands made the gun slippery. "Fives!" I really have no choice.Close your eyes, think about it, think clearly.In this emergency, my heartbeat depends on only one thing, and that one and only thing: a threat to my life. "four three!" What did Tobias say? "Selflessness and bravery are not so clear-cut." "two!" I let go of the trigger and dropped the gun.Before losing my nerve, I turned around and rested my forehead on the barrel of the gun behind me. You shoot me. "one!" I heard a "click", a bang.