Chapter 21 Chapter 21 Murder

The door to the base pit closed behind me, and I was alone.I haven't walked through this passage since the selection ceremony.I still clearly remember the feeling of walking here, unsteady on my feet, groping for even a glimmer of light.But today, I'm walking here steadily, and I don't need any light anymore. It's been four days since I talked to Tori.During these four days, Erudite published two more articles about Selfless.The first article accused the altruists of wantonly seizing luxury goods such as cars and fresh fruit that belonged to other factions in order to impose their espoused self-denial and devotion on others.Reading this made me think of Will's older sister Kara, who accused my mother of hoarding.

The second article discusses the disadvantages of selecting government officials according to factions, asking why only those who think they are selfless can enter the government and hold high positions.It advocates a return to the democratically elected political system of the past.This sounds reasonable, and I have to suspect that it is a call for revolution under the cloak of rationality. I walked to the end of the passage, and the big net was still stretched at the entrance of the cave, the same as the last time I saw it.I climbed the stairs all the way up to the wooden platform—from where Four had pulled me up—and grabbed the pole that held the net.When I first came here, I didn't have the strength to pull myself up with just my arms.But now I do it almost without thinking, and flip into the net.

Above me were the empty buildings that lined the sides of the hole, and the sky.In the dark blue sky, there are no stars and no moon. Those articles bothered me, but it was important to have friends who kept me entertained.When the first post was published, Christina fawned over one of the cooks in the Dreadnought kitchen, who made us taste a lot of battered cakes.After the second article was published, Uriah and Marlene taught me the game of poker by hand, and we played for two hours in the restaurant that day. But tonight I want to be alone.Not only that, I want to calm down and recall why I came here in the first place, why I stayed so resolutely, and even jumped off the roof to stay here.Thinking of this, I put my fingers through the mesh under my body, lost in thought.

I wanted to be the Dauntless I saw at school.I wanted to be as loud and bold and free as they were.Too bad they're not real members yet, just playing around like Dauntless.The same goes for me jumping off a rooftop without knowing what fear is. In the past four short days, I have experienced four "fears".The first time: I was tied to a stake and Pete set fire to the bottom of my feet; the second time: I drowned again, this time in the sea, the raging water surrounded me; the third time: I watched Watching my family members die in blood; the fourth time: Someone pointed a gun at me and forced me to shoot my family members.Now, I understand what real "fear" is.

The wind came in from the hole, blowing my whole body, and I closed my eyes.In a trance, I stood on the edge of the roof again, unbuttoned the gray burqa of the Selfless, bravely exposed my arms, revealing other parts that no one had ever seen, and then crumpled the clothes and smashed them hard on Pete's chest superior. I opened my eyes and it dawned on me: No, I was wrong; I didn't jump off the roof because I wanted to be Fearless, I did it because I was already Fearless and I wanted to prove to them at this point.I wanted to acknowledge the part of me that altruism wanted me to hide.

I stretched my arms over my head, hooked my fingers into the net again, and stretched my toes as far as I could, stretching my body as far as possible on the net.The night sky was empty and still, and for the first time in four days my heart felt so peaceful. I put my head in my hands and took a deep breath.Today's scenario is the same as yesterday's, with someone putting a gun to my head and forcing me to shoot my family.When I looked up, I found that the fourth child was staring at me. "I know the scenario simulations aren't real." "You don't have to explain to me," he said slowly, "It's not unreasonable that you love your family and don't want to pull the trigger."

“Simulations are the only time I get to meet them.” Though he said no need to explain, I thought I had to explain why this fear was so hard for me to face.I twisted my fingers, then let them go again.I've been biting my fingers a lot while sleeping recently, and the nail bed has been bitten through.Every morning I wake up with blood on my hands. "I miss them, do you ever... miss your family?" I asked the fourth child. He looked at the ground and finally said, "No, I haven't thought about it. Something unusual, isn't it?" unusual.So unusual that I forgot for a moment the memory of holding a gun to Caleb's chest.He never cared about his family, so what were they like?

I reached for the doorknob, paused, and turned to look at him. "Are you like me?" I asked softly. "Are you a Divergent?" It even feels dangerous to think about the word.He stared at me, silent for a few seconds, his serious expression slowly dissolving.I can hear my own heartbeat.I've been looking at him for too long, but he's looking at me too, and I think we're both trying to say something the other can't hear, even though I can think of what it is.It's been too long—it seems longer now, and my heart is beating louder, his calm eyes engulfing me.

I pushed open the door and hurried down the hallway. I shouldn't be so easily distracted by him.I couldn't think about anything other than Orientation.The simulations don't bother me anymore, they mess with my mind as they do for most of the other freshmen.Drew couldn't sleep—his body curled up into a ball, his eyes staring blankly at the stone wall.Al wakes up screaming from nightmares every night, crying into his pillow.My so-called nightmares and nail biting really pale in comparison. Al's exclamation in the nightmare can wake me up almost every time, and every time I stare at the spring above my head, my mind is full of doubts: What's wrong with me?When others are on the verge of collapse, I am still strong. Is the identity of a divergent person making me mature, or is there another reason?

When I returned to the dormitory, I thought it would be the same as the day before, with a few freshmen lying on the bed in a daze or in a daze, but I was surprised to find everyone gathered at the other end of the room.Eric was standing in front of them holding a "blackboard" facing the other way so I couldn't see what was written on it.I walked over and stood beside Will. "What's the matter?" I asked softly, praying silently in my heart that it would not be another article attacking and slandering altruism. I was not sure if I could bear more hostility. "Second pass ranking." He said.

"I thought no one would be out after the second hurdle," I hissed. "No one's out, probably grade reports or something." I nod. Seeing this "blackboard", I felt uneasy, as if something was stirring my stomach and scratching my heart.Eric lifted the "blackboard" over his head, hung it on a nail above it, and stepped aside.The dormitory fell into a bluffing silence, and I craned my neck to see what was written. The first one turned out to be me! Everyone turned to look at me.I ignored it and went down the list: Christina and Will were seventh and ninth, respectively.Pete was second, and I looked at the time listed next to his name and there was a big gap between us. Pete's average simulation time was eight minutes, while mine was two minutes and forty-five seconds. "Good job, Tris," Will whispered. I nodded, my eyes still on the "blackboard".I should have been happy to be number one, but I wasn't, and I know what that means.If Pete and his cronies hated me in the first place, now they hate me.Now that I'm "Edward," the next thing that will happen to me is my eyes, and it's even worse. I searched for Al's name and found him in the last position.The freshmen slowly dispersed, leaving only me, Pete, Will, and Al standing where we were.I wanted to comfort Al and tell him that the only reason I was doing so well was because my brain was wired a little differently. Pete turned slowly, tense.The way he looked at me was not just anger, but pure hatred.He made his way to his bed, but at the last moment he turned and shoved me against the wall with both hands on my shoulders. "I can't be defeated by a zombie man." He hissed fiercely in my ear, his face so close that I could smell the fishy smell from his mouth, "How did you do that, huh? How was it done, and what sorcery was used?" He frantically pulled me forward more than ten centimeters, and then pushed me hard into the wall.The pain ran down my spine, and I gritted my teeth, trying not to cry.Will grabs Pete by the collar and drags him away. "Stay away from her," he yelled, "only a coward would bully a little girl!" "Little girl?" Pete taunted and shook Will's hand away. "Are you blind, or stupid? She's about to kick you out of the 'Top Ten' and out of the Dauntless faction, and then you'll get nothing and nothing, all because she knows how to manipulate people's hearts, and you But I don't have the ability. So when you realize that she ruined us all, don't forget to tell me." Pete said and ran out of the dormitory angrily, Molly and Drew followed behind him, with expressions of disdain and disgust. "Thank you." I nodded to Will. "Is everything he said true?" Will asked quietly. "Are you manipulating us all?" "How the hell am I manipulating everyone?" I glared at him, "I'm just doing my best, isn't that what everyone does?" "I don't know." He shrugged slightly, "At first you pretended to be weak to make us sympathize with you? Then you showed your tough side to scare us off?" "Scare you off?" I repeated, "I'm your friend, how could I do that!" He didn't say anything more.But I daresay he doesn't believe me--not quite. "Don't be stupid, Will." Christina jumped off the bed, looked at me indifferently, and added, "She's not pretending." Christina turned and left without closing the door, and Will followed.Al and I were the only ones left in the dormitory, first and last. Al had never thought he was small and thin before, but now he looked so weak, his shoulders slumped, his whole body slack, like a crumpled piece of paper.He sat alone on the edge of the bed. "Are you okay?" I asked. "Of course," he said. His face was bright red.I turned my head away.Asking him is just a formality, anyone with long eyes can see that he is not good at all. "It's not over yet," I said, "You can still improve your ranking if..." When he looked up at me, my voice slowly dropped.If I were to finish my sentence, I don't know what to say next.The second level has no strategy at all. It goes deep into the heart of people and tests who we are and what kind of courage we have. "Understood? It's not that simple." He said weakly. "I know it's not easy." "I don't think you really know," he shook his head, his jaw trembling slightly, "it's very simple for you, all of these are very simple." "not like this." "That's it." He closed his eyes. "It doesn't help me if you pretend it's not easy, I don't... I don't believe you can help me at all." It was like walking into a pouring rain, with all my clothes soaked, and I felt heavy, awkward, and useless.I don't know if he means no one can help him, or specifically that I can't help him, but I can't accept either explanation.I wanted to help him, but couldn't. "I..." I was about to say sorry, but why did I apologize?Because I'm more fearless than him, or because I really don't know what to say? "I just..." Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes flowed down and wet his face, "...I want to be alone for a while." I nodded, turned and walked away.It's not a good idea to leave him alone, but I just can't help myself.The door clicked shut behind me and I kept walking. I pass the water dispenser and walk through the aisle.On the day I first came, this passage seemed to be so long that it would never end, but at this moment, I didn't take it to heart at all.It's not the first time I've let my family down since coming here, but for some reason it feels like the first.The other times I let them down, I actually knew what to do and just chose not to.And this time I didn't know what to do.Am I losing that ability to see the needs of others, or am I losing a part of myself? I couldn't stop for a while. Out of nowhere I found myself in the same hallway that Edward had come in alone the day he left.I don't want to be alone, but there seems to be no choice.I closed my eyes and focused on feeling the cold boulders beneath my feet and breathing the musty underground air. "Tracey!" A voice came from the end of the corridor.I looked up and Uriah was trotting towards me with Lynn and Marlene behind me.Lynn holds a muffin in her hand. "I knew I could find you here." He squatted at my feet and said, "I heard you won the first place." "So you just want to congratulate me?" I smirked, "Thanks then." "Someone should do that," he said, "but I guess your friends won't congratulate you because they don't rank as high as you. Stop moping and come with us, I'm going to put Marlene on the head later muffin shot down." The idea was so absurd that I couldn't help laughing, got up and followed Uriah to the end of the corridor, where Marlene and Lynn were waiting.Seeing me approaching, Lynn squinted at me, and Marlene smiled at me. "Why didn't you go out to celebrate?" Ma Lin asked, "If you continue to maintain this result, you will definitely be in the top ten." "Compared to other freshmen, she is too fearless." Ulea added. "And it's too selfless, so I don't go to celebrate." Lynn taunted. I ignored her. "Why shoot the muffin off Marlene's head?" "She bet that I couldn't shoot something as small as 30 meters away, and I bet she didn't have the guts to stand there and let me try, and that's what happened," Uriah explained. The training room where I first shot was not far from this hallway where I hid.Within a minute of us being there, Uriah flipped the light switch.It looked the same as the last time I was here, with the targets at one end of the room and the table at the other with a few guns on it. "Did they leave the guns like that?" I asked. "Yeah, but these guns don't have bullets." Uriah lifted up his shirt and tucked a pistol in the back of his belt, just under the tattoo.I stared at the tattoo, trying to see what the pattern was, but then he put his shirt down and said calmly, "Okay, you get in front of the target." Marlene walked over, skipping lightly as she went. "Aren't you serious about shooting her?" I asked Uriah. "That's not a real gun," Lynn whispered, "the bullets are also plastic. At most, it will sting your face, and it may leave a big bag. Do you think we are stupid?" Marlene stood in front of a target and put the muffin on top of her head.Uriah squinted one eye and took aim. "Wait!" Marlene yelled, as she broke off a muffin and stuffed it into her mouth. "I'm done!" Thumbs up. "You must have a good ranking." I said to Lynn. She nodded and said, "Uriah is second, I am first, and Marlene is fourth." "You're only a little bit ahead of me," Uriah said after taking aim. He pulled the trigger, and the muffin flew off Marlene's head without her even blinking. "We all won," she yelled. "Miss your old faction?" Lynn asked. “Sometimes, life there is peaceful, not like here, exhausting,” I said. Marlene picked up the muffin from the ground and bit it down.Ulea yelled, "It's disgusting!" "The purpose of the freshman test is to hone our patience and let us show our true selves, anyway, that's what Eric said." Lynn raised one eyebrow as she said. "The fourth brother said that the test is to prepare for becoming a qualified fearless person." "Well, it's hard for the two of them to agree." I nod.I remember the fourth brother said that Eric's view of Dauntless has deviated from what it used to be. I wish he could tell me what the correct view is.I can feel some now and then — the cheers when I jump off the roof of a building, the “meat net” of their arms to catch me when I slide down a zip line — but it’s not enough.Had he read the Dauntless Manifesto, and did he believe in "everyday things make heroes"? Uriah had just fired at another target when the door to the training room opened and Sanna, Zeke, and Fourth came in.The plastic bullet bounced off the center of the target and rolled to the ground. "I just said that I heard movement here." The fourth child said. "It turned out to be my stupid brother." Zeke said, "You shouldn't come to this place privately when you are not training. Be careful in the future, or the fourth brother will tell Eric that Eric must skin you .” Uriah wrinkled his nose at Zeke and put the gun down.Marlene crossed the room nibbling on a muffin, and Fourth stepped back from the door to let us out first. "You won't tell Eric, will you?" Lynn stared at the fourth child suspiciously. "Don't worry, it won't," he said.When I passed the fourth brother, he put his hands on my back and pushed me forward, his hands firmly pressed against my shoulder blades.I trembled all over, hoping that he wouldn't find out about this embarrassment. The others were whirring down the corridor, Uriah and Zeke shoving each other, Marlene breaking a muffin for Sanna, Lynn walking ahead, and I following them. "Wait a minute," said the fourth child.I turned to look at him, wondering what kind of fourth I was up against—the one who scolded me, or the one who climbed the ferris wheel with me.He smiled, but there was no smile in his eyes, looking tense and anxious. "You belong here, you know?" he said. "You belong to us. The test will be over soon, so you hang on, okay?" He scratched behind his ear and looked away, as if he was particularly embarrassed by what he said. I looked at him and refused to leave my eyes for a long time. I could feel a strong heartbeat everywhere in my body, even my toes were no exception.I wanted to do something bold but also walk away easily.I'm not sure which option is more sensible, or better.I'm not even sure I care about that. I reached out and took his hand, his fingers slipped into mine, and we clenched.I have a feeling of suffocation. I looked up at him, and he looked down at me, and we stood like this for a long, long time in the corridor.Then I pulled back and ran after Uriah, Lynn, and Marlene, leaving him alone.Maybe he thinks I'm stupid or weird now, maybe it's all worth it. That day, I went back to the dormitory early, and the others hadn't come back yet. When everyone came back one after another, I lay on the bed and pretended to sleep.If that's how they react when I'm good, I don't need any of them.If I can pass the test and become a Dauntless, then I won't have to see them again. I don't need them - but do I want them?Every tattoo on my body is a token of my friendship with them; every time I laugh out loud in this dark place, it's because of them.I don't want to lose them, but I feel like I've lost them. After my brain was running fast for at least half an hour, I turned over and lay flat, and opened my eyes.It was dark in the dormitory now—everyone was in bed.They probably hated me so much that they were exhausted, I couldn't help but smile wryly.As if coming from one of the most obnoxious disinterested factions wasn't enough, now it's taking them all down. I got up from the bed and went down to drink some water. I wasn't thirsty, but I just felt that I needed to do something.Walking on the ground with bare feet, there was a sticky sound. I held on to the wall with my hands for fear of taking a detour.A light bulb above the water dispenser glowed faintly blue. I pushed my hair back over one shoulder and bent down.As soon as his lips touched the water, he heard a muffled murmur at the end of the corridor.I crept closer to them, sure that the darkness would cover me. "So far, there is no sign." This is Eric's voice.What "signs"? "In this regard, you still have little knowledge." Someone replied.A female voice, cold and familiar, this familiarity is like a dream, not a real person. "The fight doesn't show any signs, and if anything, the scenario simulation shows who the Rebel Divergent is, so we'll have to check the footage a few more times to be sure." The word "divergent" gave me chills.I pressed my back against the stone wall and leaned over, trying to see who this familiar voice belonged to. "Don't forget why I asked Max to assign you in the first place," said the voice. "Your first task will always be to find them for me. It will always be the same." "I will not forget." I moved forward a meter or two, hoping I wasn't exposed.No matter who this voice belongs to, she is behind the scenes, the one who manipulates Eric's position as the leader, and the one who wants to kill me.It was evident that she was impatient to kill me.I leaned over, trying my best to see their faces before they turned the corner. Just then, someone grabbed me from behind. I was about to scream when a big hand was over my mouth, big enough to cover most of my face, and I smelled soap.I struggled hard, but the arm holding me was too strong, so I bit "his" finger. "Ouch." A hoarse voice called out. "Shut up, cover her mouth tightly." The voice was higher and clearer than a normal male voice.It's Pete. A black cloth was blindfolded over my eyes, and another pair of hands tied it behind my head.I struggled to catch my breath, feeling very anxious.There were at least two hands grabbing my arms and dragging me forward, one hand behind my back pushing me in the same direction, and another hand covering my mouth to keep me from screaming.There are three of them.I suddenly felt a pain in my chest.I can't fight three people alone. "Want to hear what it's like for a zombie to beg for mercy," Pete giggled. "Come on." I tried to concentrate on identifying the hand covering my mouth. There must be something special about it that could easily identify him.His identity is the only question I can solve now.I need to solve this doubt, otherwise it will be messed up. The palm was damp with sweat and soft.I clenched my teeth and took a deep breath through my nose.The soap smells very familiar, a mixture of lemongrass and sage.Al's bed smelled the same.This is the taste of Al. Thinking of this, my heart suddenly sank, as if it had sunk to the bottom of the valley. I heard the roar of the water crashing against the rocks, and my heart skipped a beat, with an ominous premonition.Could it be that we're near the Grand Canyon now—it must be above it.I squeezed my lips together to keep from screaming.If it is above the canyon, I know what they plan to do with me next. "Pick her up, quick." I struggled, their rough skin rubbing against my body.I knew it was useless, and I knew no one would hear me shouting here, but I screamed anyway. I will live till tomorrow.Will. Those hands pushed me back and forth, and then my spine hit something hard and cold, and there was a pain.This thing is a bit narrow and curved, it's a metal railing!It's the railings towering over the canyon.I was gasping for breath, mist spraying on the back of my neck.With my back hanging from the metal railing and my feet off the ground, my assailants were the only thing keeping me from falling into the water. A big, rude hand fumbled across my chest. "Are you sure you're really sixteen, Zombie? With your body, you're twelve at most." Another voice laughed. A gust of bile rushes up my throat, and I swallow the bitter taste. "Wait a minute, I feel like I've touched something!" he taunted, squeezing my chest tightly, and burst out laughing again.I bit my tongue angrily to keep from yelling. Al slipped his hand from my mouth and yelled, "Stop!" I recognized his deep, distinctive voice. Al let go of me and I struggled and slid to the ground.This time, I bit down on the first hand I caught.I heard a scream of pain and bit down harder and tasted blood.At this moment, I was hit by something hard on the face, and a wave of heat rushed to my head. If it wasn't for the adrenal hormones flowing through my body like hallucinogens, I'm afraid I would have fainted from the pain. The boy frantically removed his injured hand and threw me on the ground.I bumped my elbows against the stone, and just as I raised my hand to remove the blindfold on my head, a kick hit me in the side, forcing the air out of my lungs.I gasped, coughed, and hugged the back of my head.Someone grabbed my hair and hit my head against something hard.I couldn't help but screamed and became dizzy. I fumbled awkwardly over my head to the edge of the blindfold, raised my heavy hand, pulled it off, and blinked.The scene in front of me is a double image, still jumping up and down.I saw someone rushing towards me, someone running away—big, it was Al.I grabbed the metal railing next to me and forced myself to my feet. Pete put his hand around my throat and lifted me up, his thumb still stuck firmly under my chin.His usually glossy and smooth hair was sticking to his forehead disheveledly now, his pale face was distorted, his teeth were clenched, he lifted me up above the Grand Canyon, and light spots appeared at the edge of my vision, some green, Pink and blue halos surround his face.He didn't say a word.I raised my foot to kick him, but my legs were too short.It was extremely difficult to breathe, my lungs were desperate for air. I heard a yell and he let go of me. As I fell, I stretched out my arms, panting, and hit the metal railing with my armpits.I hooked my elbows on the railing and moaned, spraying my ankles with mist.The world tilted and swayed before my eyes.Someone—Drew was screaming in the base pit, and I heard kicks, thumps, moans. I blinked a few times, trying to see the only face I could see.The face was contorted with rage, and the eyes were a deep blue. "Fourth." I shouted hoarsely. I closed my eyes and put my hands on my shoulders.He pulled me over the metal railing against his chest, put his arms around me, put his other hand around the crook of my leg, and picked me up.I pressed my face against his shoulder, and there was a sudden, hollow silence.