Chapter 4 Chapter 4 Wandering

Looking at my watch, I walked to the street in front of my house five minutes earlier than usual.A watch is the only accessory that the Disinterested faction is allowed to wear, simply because it has practical value.The strap is the usual selfless gray, and the dial is glass.As long as I tilt the watch at an angle, I can see my reflection over the hands. The houses on our street were all the same size and shape: all gray concrete buildings with economical rectangular windows.The lawn in front of and behind the house is covered with a kind of crabgrass, and the letter box is made of metal and stands lifelessly in front of the house.For many, the sights are somber and dreary, but for me their simplicity is reassuring.

The reason for simplicity is not a disdain for individuality, as other schools sometimes interpret it.Our houses, our clothes, and our hairstyles are all designed to make us forget ourselves and keep us from vanity, greed, and envy, all selfish acts.If we have little and want little, and we are all equal, we need not envy anyone. Over the years, I have been forcing myself to love this life. I sat on the front step, waiting for Caleb to come back.I didn't wait long, and a minute later several figures in gray robes appeared on the street, and I heard laughter.At school, we would keep a low profile and downplay our presence. Once we got home, it was a different scene: laughing and playing.It's my nature to be sarcastic and sarcastic, and that's still not welcome.This nature will always hurt many people.It may be good for the disinterested to wish me to suppress this instinct.Maybe I don't have to leave my family.If I force myself to be a qualified selfless person, maybe I will become a real selfless person.

"What's wrong, Beatrice? Are you okay?" Caleb asked me. "It's fine." He was with Susan and her brother Robert.Susan looked at me suspiciously, as if I were a different person from the one she had seen this morning.I shrugged, pretending to be relaxed: "I don't feel well after the test, it must be because of the potion they gave me, but I'm much better now." As I said that, I squeezed out a confident smile on purpose.Susan and Robert seemed to be persuaded by me and seemed to stop worrying about my state of mind, but Caleb was still squinting at me the way he would when he suspected someone else was lying.

"Did you two take the bus home today?" I asked Susan and Robert.Of course I don't care how they got home, I just want to change the subject. "Yes. Our dad has to work late today and has no time to pick us up. He also asked us to spend time thinking about it before tomorrow's selection ceremony." Susan said. As soon as I heard the words "selection ceremony", my heart jumped wildly. "If you want, you are welcome to come and play later." Caleb said kindly. "Thank you." Susan gave Caleb a smile. Robert looked at me with raised eyebrows.For what seemed like a year, Robert and I exchanged glances whenever Caleb and Susan were flirting in that tentative way only the disinterested can understand.Caleb's eyes seemed to be on Susan, and he just watched her go.At this point, I have to grab his arm and pull him back from staring blankly.I pulled him into the house and closed the door behind me.

He turned his head to look at me, his straight and thick black eyebrows were condensed together, forming a deep wrinkle.The way he frowns, I feel more like my mother.At that moment, I seemed to see him living the same life as our father: choosing to stay in the altruism, learning a trade, marrying Susan, and starting a new family.That should be very nice. I should not see it. "Now that they're all gone, can you tell me the truth?" he asked softly. "The truth is, I shouldn't have told you, and you shouldn't have asked," I said. "You broke all those rules, but this is the only one? Not even for such an important thing?" His brows were furrowed together again, and the corner of his mouth was still biting.Although his wording was to question me, it sounded like he was looking for information, but he actually wanted to know my answer.

"What about you? Will you tell me your test results?" I narrow my eyes. The four eyes are facing each other.I seem to hear the train whistle, faint as the whistle of the wind blowing through the alley, but I know it when I hear it, and it sounds like the Dauntless are calling me to follow them. "Please...please don't tell my parents about me, okay?" He stared at me for a moment, then nodded. I just want to hurry upstairs and lie down.The tests and then the walk home to the non-partisan men left me feeling exhausted and wanting to take a break.But today it's my turn to make dinner - my dad cooked yesterday's dinner, my brother is in charge of today's breakfast, and my mom is cooking today's lunch.I took a deep breath, stood up and walked into the kitchen.

After about a minute, Caleb came to my aid.I gritted my teeth, feeling very upset.He's always there to help with everything, and it's that natural kindness and natural selflessness that annoys me the most. We ignored each other.I was in charge of frying the peas on the stove while Caleb pulled four pieces of chicken out of the freezer and waited for them to melt.The farm is far away from us and most of the food we eat is frozen or canned.I remember my mother once mentioned that a long time ago, people rarely bought genetically modified foods because they thought they were not natural.But now, we have no choice but to eat genetically modified foods.

When Mom and Dad got home, dinner was ready and the table was set.My father dropped the bag after entering the door and kissed my forehead.Many people thought my father was stubborn—or too stubborn—but he was also loving.I tried my best to let myself only see his good points, very hard. "How about a personality test?" he asked me.I'm dumping the peas into the serving bowl. "Not bad." I replied.I can never be honest, I lie too easily. "I heard from someone that there was a test result that went wrong," the mother interjected.Like her father, she is also a government employee, not only responsible for urban demolition and renovation projects, but also responsible for recruiting testers for personality tests.But her main job is to organize people to help non-partisans, providing them with food, shelter, and job opportunities.

"Really?" asked the father.Truth be told, personality tests rarely go wrong. "I don't know exactly what happened. My friend Erin told me. She said that one of the testers had a small problem with the test, so they had to verbally read the test results." The mother said as she gracefully arranged the napkin next to each plate. "Looks like a classmate was unwell and went home early." She shrugged. "Hope they're well. Have you two heard about this?" "No." Caleb said.He smiled at his mother. My brother would never be honest either.

Everyone sat down at the table, our family used to pass the food to the right, and we had to wait for everyone's food to be served before we ate.My father gave his hand to my mother and my brother, and they gave their hand to my father and me.We held hands and prayed together.Dad thanked God for food, jobs, friends, and family.Not all altruistic families believed in Jesus, but my father often said that we should ignore the differences between people because differences are the source of differences.In fact, I still don't quite understand the meaning of this sentence. "Then," mother said to father, "tell me."

She took her father's hand, stroking his knuckles lightly with her thumb.I stared at their clasped hands, and I was filled with thoughts.Parents love each other very much, but they rarely show much affection in front of us.They often teach us that physical contact can generate great energy, and it is for this reason that I have been wary of it since I was a child. "Tell me what's bothering you," she added. I didn't say anything, just stared at my plate in silence.Mother's keen insights sometimes startled me, but now they stung me.Why do I always pay so much attention to myself, but I didn't realize that my father's brows were furrowed and his expression was depressed. "I had some trouble at work today," my father replied, "Marcus had some trouble, to be precise." Marcus was his father's work partner, and they were both political leaders.The city is governed by a council of fifty, all of them from the Disinterested faction.Because our faction is known for not catering to selfishness and selfless dedication.These leaders were also all elected through the electoral system, and all of them were decent, unyielding, and possessed extraordinary leadership qualities.The other four factions also elected their own representatives.In the handling of special issues, the opinions of representatives will also be taken into consideration, but the final decision is still in the hands of the parliament.Although the parliamentary resolutions are jointly made by everyone, Marcus has a huge influence on them. Since the "Datong Day" when the five major factions were formed, this system has continued to this day.It seems to me that the root of the persistence of the system is people's fear of what would happen if it disintegrated: war. "Is it an article about Jeanine Matthews?" asked my mother.Janine Matthews was elected with a very high IQ, and she is also the only representative of the Erudite School.Her father was full of complaints against her. I looked up and asked, "What article?" Caleb gave me a hard look.It stands to reason that we can't talk casually during meals, unless our parents ask us questions directly, but unfortunately they generally don't ask.As the father said, our listening is their blessing.After dinner, they also listen to us in the living room. "Exactly," said the father.He narrowed his eyes. "This arrogant, self-righteous lunatic..." He stopped and cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, but she published articles that discredited Marcus." I raised my eyebrows. "What did she say?" I asked. "Beatrice," Caleb warned me softly. I lowered my head and turned the fork in my hand over and over until the residual heat on my blushing face receded.I hate when people scold me, especially my brother. "The article said that Marcus' violence and cruelty to his son was the reason why his son betrayed the altruism and chose the dauntless," the father replied. Few people born into disinterested families choose to leave, and when they do, we all remember their names.Marcus was shocked two years ago when his son, Tobias, left Unselfish for Dauntless.Tobias was his only child, and his only relative—his wife died giving birth to his second child, and the baby died minutes later. I never met Tobias.He rarely participated in community events and never came to our house for dinner with his father.My father had always thought it was odd about his transfer, but it doesn't matter now. "Cruel? Marcus?" The mother shook her head. "Poor man, his scars have been uncovered time and time again." "Are you talking about his son's betrayal?" the father said coldly. "I'm not surprised at all. The Erudites have been attacking us with this excuse for months. I can assure you that things will get worse." go down." I shouldn't have interrupted again, but I couldn't help myself and blurted out, "Why did they do that?" "Beatrice, why can't you take this opportunity to listen to your father?" Mother said softly.The wording is more like a suggestion than an order.I glanced at Caleb, who was sitting across the table, with a look of disapproval in his eyes. I stare at the peas in the bowl, not sure how long I can endure this life.It's me who isn't good enough. "You know that," the father went on, "because we have what they want. The result of knowledge above all else is a hunger for power, which can lead them astray into darkness and emptiness. Disinteresteds can see this. We should be thankful." I nod.Although the personality test results show that I also have the characteristics of Erudite, I will not choose Erudite because I am my father's daughter. After the meal, parents are busy cleaning up the dishes.Caleb wanted to help, but they refused.Tonight, they want us to be alone, not together in the living room, so we can think about tomorrow's selection ceremony. If I tell my family about the Divergent outcome, they might be able to help me make a choice.But I can't do that.Whenever my resolve to keep my mouth shut wavered, Tori's warning rang loudly in my ears. Caleb and I went upstairs together, and as we climbed the last step to our respective bedrooms, he put his hand on my shoulder and stopped me. "Beatrice," he looked at me very firmly, "Tomorrow's selection ceremony, we have to consider the feelings of our parents." His voice was a bit sharp, "But...but we also have to listen to our own voices." Hearing his words, my heart shook slightly, and I only said what should be said in this situation: "Personality tests can't influence our choices." He smiled slightly: "Is that so?" He squeezed my shoulder, turned and walked into his bedroom.I glanced inside, the bed was not made, and there were stacks of books in disarray on the table.He closed the door.How I wish I could tell him that we are going through the same confusion, how I wish I could speak my heart to him instead of polite words.But the thought of admitting I needed help was too much to bear, and I turned and walked away. In the room, as I close the door behind me, I suddenly realize that tomorrow's choice couldn't be easier.If I'm selfless, I'll choose Altruism; if I'm brave, I'll choose Dauntless.Whichever one I choose, I prove that I belong to it.Tomorrow, these two qualities will be at war within me, and only one can win.