Chapter 3 second quarter

Unfortunately, this kind of thing is completely different in the eyes of the beholder and the person involved. The hearse carrying his father's body passed through the narrow commercial street in Atsugi City, Kanagawa Prefecture.Kento Koga sat in the black car arranged by the funeral company and slowly followed the hearse. It was an ordinary day, just after noon, under the warm winter sun, among the shoppers walking along the road, no one looked back at the black convoy, and no one sympathized with the young man in the car. After learning the news of his father Chengzhi's death, Yanren's heart suddenly became empty, and his whole body was panicked as if he had lost his soul.He hurried to the hospital and learned that the cause of his father's death was "a ruptured large chest aneurysm".For the next five days, he and his mother didn't cry aloud, but drifted along in a daze.Uncle came from Yamanashi when he received the news of the obituary, and took the initiative to organize the funeral.In his view, the younger sister-in-law is just a housewife, and the nephew is just a thin graduate student, and it is difficult for him to deal with such a big change alone.

Yanren never respected his father Seiji since he was a child, because his father always denied him and had a eccentric personality. Although he holds the title of a university professor, in Yanren's eyes, his father is a failed adult.So he was very surprised. Thirty minutes ago, when he put the flowers into the coffin where his father died, tears could not stop flowing down.Could this be caused by blood relationship?While thinking this way, Yanren wiped away the tears behind the lens. The lid of the coffin was closed immediately, and the body surrounded by flowers of various colors disappeared from view.This was the last time I saw my father.The 24-year father-son relationship between this haggard, long-faced university professor and himself came to an end.

Cars of bereaved families and funeralgoers arrive at the crematorium, where the coffins are placed in an incinerator, the cheapest of the two.Everyone is dead, why use money to divide the ranks?The researcher couldn't help but began to dislike the Japanese view of life and death. Thirty relatives and friends entered the waiting room on the second floor.The researcher stood alone in front of the incinerator, staring at the closed door.Behind the door, my father's body was being burned. In the mind of the researcher, a passage from a science enlightenment book that he read in middle school emerged.

The iron that runs in your blood was created when a supernova exploded 4.5 billion years ago.They traveled through space, gathered on planet Earth when the solar system was forming, and entered your body as food.Furthermore, hydrogen, which is ubiquitous in your body, was also produced at the birth of the universe.They all existed in this universe for the previous 13.7 billion years.And now, they're part of your body. The various elements that constituted the father's body returned to the original world. Scientific knowledge makes the death of a loved one seem tasteless. Yanren turned and left, climbed up the ladder on the wall of the spacious hall, and walked towards the waiting room on the second floor.

In the center of the tatami-mat room, funeral attendees sit around a large low table.Although her mother, Kaori, couldn't hide her haggard look, she seemed to be able to hold on, and she was sitting upright talking with old friends and relatives who came to pay her respects. In addition, the researcher also met his grandparents and uncle's family from Kofu.The Koga family originally ran a store in Kofu, Yamanashi Prefecture, and their family was well off.Although he has recently been engaged in a fierce battle with large supermarkets for customers, the uncle who inherited the family business still manages to maintain the life of the whole family.In this business family, Kento’s father, as the second son, is an unusual existence. He was admitted to a graduate school in Tokyo from his hometown university. After obtaining a doctorate, he did not find a job, but stayed at the university to continue his research.

Yan Ren felt that he could not fit in with his father's relatives.He looked around for a seat, and finally sat down on the furthest cushion. "Is it Yan Renjun?" On the opposite side of the table, a thin man with black hair mixed with silver threads asked. It was father's friend, newspaper reporter Sugai.He had visited Atsugi's hometown many times, so he knew Kento well. "Long time no see, you have grown up so much." Sugai moved to the side of the researcher, "I heard you are studying in graduate school?" "yes." "What professional?"

"The medicinal chemistry laboratory does organic synthesis." The researcher replied stiffly. The researcher wanted to end the conversation at this point, but Sugai asked again: "What is the specific job?" The researcher had no choice but to continue to answer: "Now computers can design medicines. My job is to combine various compounds according to the design drawings to create medicines." "Just shaking test tubes in the lab?" "right." "It's work that benefits humanity." "Well, yes." Even a word of praise made Yan Ren very uncomfortable, "Because I can only do this."

Sugai tilted his head in surprise.Even if he is a newspaper reporter, he can't find out the inner thoughts of the researcher, because even the researcher can't tell what ability he has and what job he is suitable for.I am nothing now, and I have never thought about what kind of person I will become in the future. "Japan's scientific foundation is still very weak, you have to work hard!" Sugai said. If you don't understand anything, don't talk nonsense that "the foundation is still very weak", and the researcher will be unhappy.He didn't like the science reporter at the major newspaper, but Sugai was right.The other party strikes up a conversation enthusiastically, but he speaks coldly, Yan Ren feels a little sorry for him.

Ten years ago, the science columns of newspapers across the country featured my father's research.As a scientist, Seiji reached the pinnacle of his career, and the person who wrote this report is Sugai.At that time, the society was generally concerned about the issue of "environmental hormones". Through experiments in the university laboratory, my father proved that the controversial synthetic detergent raw materials would not damage the human endocrine system. Author of the paper: Professor Seiji Koga, Tama University of Science Seeing the words published in these newspapers, Yan Ren and his father felt extremely proud.But soon, the researcher's respect for his father began to turn into suspicion, because he learned that his father had received a large amount of research funding from the synthetic detergent manufacturer.

Why did my father, who specialized in virology, study endocrine-disrupting chemicals?Is the experiment neutral and objective?Did the father tamper with the experimental data to cater to the funding provider? Later, scholars from all over the world conducted research on the impact of environmental hormones on the human body, but did not draw a "obviously harmful" conclusion.On the other hand, scholars cannot be 100% sure that it is harmless, so the conclusion is ambiguous.That was the limit of what science could achieve at the time.However, Kento was only in his teens at the time, which was the age of rebellion, so he always had doubts about his father, and regarded Sugai, who wrote the report, and his father as the same breed, thinking that they were adults with dirty hearts and dirty behavior.

"It's such a pity. Your father is obviously very tough." Sitting beside Kento, Sugai seemed deeply shocked by the sudden death of his peers. "Thank you for traveling thousands of miles to attend my father's funeral." "Don't say that, that's all I can do." Sugai bowed his head. To avoid embarrassment, Yan picked up the teapot and poured two cups of tea. While drinking tea, Sugai recounted the past between fellow researcher's father.For example, Chengzhi is quite majestic in the laboratory, and Chengzhi is actually very proud of his only child. In short, they are all the old lines in soap operas.As he listened, Yan Ren felt more and more that his father's life was boring. Soon, the topic was over, and the newspaper reporter changed the subject and asked, "By the way, will you do the first seven rituals today?" "meeting." "I will leave after collecting the ashes. Before I forget, I have something to say to you." "What words?" "Mr. Yanren, have you heard of the Heisman Report?" "The Heisman Report?" An academic paper, the researcher thought.But he didn't know a scholar named Heisman. "never heard of that." "That's it! Your father asked me to investigate this report, and now I don't know how to proceed." "What is the Heisman Report?" "A report submitted to the president by a think tank in the United States thirty years ago. Your father wants to know the details of this report." According to my father's research expertise, it should be to find countermeasures for virus infection. "It has nothing to do with me." The researcher said. His tone was unexpectedly indifferent.Sugai looked at Yan Ren in surprise: "Okay, forget it." It doesn't matter what Sugai thinks.The relationship between father and son is by no means something that outsiders can make irresponsible remarks about.There is no family in this world where the father is 100% loving and the son is filial and happy. After a while, the people from the funeral company told everyone to go downstairs.Everyone ended their depressed conversation, got up and walked towards the stairs. The researcher stood in front of the incinerator, welcoming his father who had been burned to the bone.The milky white skeletons were scattered on the hearth, simple and desolate, telling everyone an iron-clad fact: this person has passed away from this world.Grandparents, uncles, and mothers sobbed softly.This was also the second time Yanren shed tears after his father died. Then the first seven ceremonies were held, and the ceremony of seeing off the late father was all over. The next morning, Yanren was woken up by the alarm clock.He quickly ate breakfast and left Atsugi's hometown.He had to return to graduate life—living in a rented house the size of six stacks, repeating boring experiments all day long in accordance with the instructions of the associate professor. In the cold air, Yanren left the three-bedroom house, and couldn't help worrying about his mother who was alone.Although the grandparents still live at home, after they left, only my mother remained there.As a researcher of sons, it is hard to imagine how a mother who became a widow at the age of fifty-four would feel. When parting, his mother begged him to "come back once in a while", but he just said "well, I will" perfunctorily, and hurried to Atsugi Station. The Tokyo University of Arts and Sciences, where I studied, is close to Kinshi Town in Chiba Prefecture. From Kanagawa County, it is just on the other side of Tokyo.Tokyo University of Arts and Sciences is a comprehensive university with 15,000 students.It takes 15 minutes to walk to the nearest Kinshicho Station. Walk northeast from the station and you will see a canal called "Yokojukengawa".The university campus spans both ends of the canal, with the science departments on the left and the liberal arts departments on the right.Only the medical school and the university affiliated hospital stand alone near the station.The school has a history of ninety years and has been building new buildings.On the vast farmland of the agricultural college in those days, the school buildings of the college are now densely lined up.The concrete road on the campus and the inconspicuous buildings on both sides of the cement road are the same as other comprehensive universities in Tokyo, giving people a sense of coldness. Starting from his hometown, he had to take the tram for two hours to get to school, and he had plenty of time to think about his future.He began to worry about the financial situation of the family.The researcher is in the second year of graduate school and has decided to continue to study for a doctorate, so he did not apply for a job.Therefore, in the next three years, he must rely on his mother for tuition and living expenses. A friend who studied liberal arts once laughed at him for "cheating the old man" and urged him to "earn tuition fees by himself", but this is just a naive idea of ​​​​a liberal arts student who can abandon his studies and indulge in entertainment.Almost all courses in the School of Pharmacy are compulsory subjects, and you cannot graduate without one credit.After passing the national exam for pharmacists and graduation exams, students still have to spend their days in graduate school doing experiments.The degree of busyness during this period can no longer be described as "excessive", but has reached the level of "beyond imagination".Usually, from ten o'clock in the morning to late at night, researchers spend time in the medicinal chemistry laboratory.In theory, he can only rest on Sundays and holidays, but in fact, he has to stay in the laboratory for half of the holidays to do experiments.He never took a long vacation, even for Obon and New Year's Day, he would rest for five days at most.After being admitted to university, he had to live like this for nine years before he could obtain a doctorate, and he had no energy to work part-time to earn tuition fees. If it had been a month ago, he would have caught up with the last train for job hunting, and the researcher couldn't help complaining.What should I do?The reason why he plans to study for a Ph.D. is not because he loves research work, but he has not made up his mind to step into the society.On the contrary, after enrolling in school, the researcher kept muttering in his heart: Did he choose the wrong path in life?He never found pharmacy and organic synthesis interesting, but because he couldn't do anything else, he had to continue on the same path.It can be predicted that if he lives like this for another twenty years, he is destined to study unpopular subjects and become a low-level researcher like his father. Arriving at the university, entering the research building of the Faculty of Pharmacy through the back door of the Faculty of Science and Technology, the footsteps of the researchers became heavier and heavier.He realized that the slower he walked, the more useless he felt, so he quickened his pace. Climbing up the narrow stairs covered with linoleum, the researcher came to the "Sonoda Laboratory" on the third floor.Open the door in the corridor, behind the door is a short corridor.On both sides of the corridor are small rooms with lockers and meeting rooms. At the end of the corridor is the professor's room, and the left side of the end is the laboratory. The researcher put the down jacket in the locker, changed into his usual attire - jeans and sportswear - and looked towards the professor's room.Inside the open door, Professor Sonoda, wearing a tie, is working. Sonoda raised his head from the document on the desktop, saw Kento, and immediately showed a worried expression.The professor is about to turn 60, and he usually pushes the graduate students with vigor that is not commensurate with his age, but at this moment he looks sad. "My condolences are changing. Are you feeling better?" Sonoda asked. "En." Yanren nodded, thanking the professor for sending flowers for his father's funeral. "Although I haven't met your father, but we are colleagues after all, I feel sincere sorrow." The researcher was deeply moved by the condolences of the supervisor.Sonoda originally worked in a large pharmaceutical company and was a top-notch researcher who had successfully developed many new drugs.He wrote numerous papers between jobs and was hired as a professor at the university's graduate school.In addition to doing research, he is also shrewd and powerful in other affairs. He has won many joint research projects from pharmaceutical companies and guaranteed sufficient research funding.Researcher couldn't help making comparisons, if only his father was as good as his mentor. Perhaps Sonoda felt that his words of condolence made the researcher sad, so he changed the topic, "Koga, can you come back to study?" Yanren just wanted to answer "yes", but he stopped the words, thinking in his mind, what else should he do besides placing the ashes. "Maybe a few more days off." "Well, it's okay, just let me know if you want to ask for leave." "thanks." Finally, the professor encouraged: "Okay, work, work." Then he led the researcher into the next laboratory. The labs are larger than normal rooms, equivalent to four classrooms in size.The researchers spent most of their time here.In the center of the laboratory is a huge experimental table divided into four, filled with experimental equipment and chemical reagents.The three walls of the room are lined with desks for researchers, reagent racks, and fume hoods equipped with strong exhaust, revealing a mechanical beauty of pragmatism in the chaos. Sonoda's laboratory specializes in the development of drugs for the treatment of autoimmune diseases. Its members include professors, associate professors, and 20 researchers, but in January, the laboratory was extremely quiet.The students of the School of Pharmacy are preparing for the national exam for pharmacists, and the students who have graduated from the master's degree are busy looking for jobs, and the room is extremely empty. "Koga, are you exhausted?" Nishioka, the senior in charge of supervising the researchers and a second-year Ph.D. His eyes were red, as if he had just cried bitterly, but he did not shed tears because he sympathized with the researchers, but his eyes were red from doing experiments all night. The researcher remembered the condolence text message that Nishioka had sent, and said, "Thank you for your text message." "Where. Sorry for not being able to go to the vigil." "You are so busy, how dare I invite you all to come. I should apologize and ask for five days' leave..." "Don't look outside," Nishioka said, blinking bloodshot eyes. People came in and out of the laboratory one after another, and they all offered warm words of comfort to the researchers.The normally capable and rigid female researchers were also uncharacteristically friendly and kind.It is precisely because of the existence of these people that researchers can barely persevere in their research life. The researcher stands on the position of the experimental bench assigned to him and starts working.The goal of organic synthesis work is to produce compounds that are primarily composed of carbon.For example, a carbon atom has four valences and an oxygen atom has two valences, so one carbon atom can combine with two oxygen atoms to form carbon dioxide.It sounds simple, but the actual operation is different.Reacting more complex molecules to form desired compounds is not a simple matter.Small variations in dosage, temperature, catalyst, etc., can vary results.Sonoda's laboratory is to find the molecular structure that can be used as a drug, improve it, improve its activity, and finally create a new drug. Now, the task assigned to researchers is to add "side chain" atomic groups to the basic structure of the "mother core" mainly composed of carbon, oxygen, and nitrogen.The "menu" given by the associate professor was pasted on the experimental table, instructing the researchers in what order to react.For some reason, the experiments in the Department of Pharmacy have something in common with cooking, so the Faculty of Pharmacy is dominated by female students, accounting for 90% at the undergraduate level and nearly half at the graduate level, which is a special case among science departments. It took the researcher a whole morning to prepare the reagents and utensils.He used the interval of waiting for the results of the experiment to come to his desk by the window and start the computer.As expected, the mailbox was filled with condolence emails.He was very grateful to his friends for their concern and replied to the letters one by one.But when he was dealing with the last letter, he suddenly froze.In the mailing list of the inbox, an incredible sender address appeared: The researcher examined this line of writing several times, and couldn't help but stand on end. This is an email from my late father. The researcher almost screamed, he quickly shut his mouth and looked around.Colleagues in the lab were engrossed in their work, and no one noticed him. The researcher pushed his glasses and turned his gaze back to the display screen.The pick-up time is midnight today.In other words, the letter was sent more than five days after the father passed away.The name of the email is: Received by Yan Ren, father. Virus emails or harassing emails will not impersonate the father's name. Whose prank is this? After confirming that the antivirus software was running, the researcher clicked on the email.On the LCD screen, the text written in small nine-pound characters appeared. The letter ends here. Although the text is small, it is full of mysteries.It looks like a suicide note, but there is no mention of death.Who exactly sent this letter?Is it possible to use software to regularly send out written emails?If my father used this kind of software, he must have expected that he would "disappear".But this is obviously impossible. Researcher's eyes stopped on the last sentence of the letter: The researcher pondered over and over again, and finally comprehended the meaning of this sentence.The letter was definitely from my father.One summer vacation when Yanren was in elementary school, his father gave him an elite education. He once opened a chemistry reference book and taught him the periodic table of elements.The researcher was eating popsicles at the time, and ice water dripped from the popsicles, staining the side of "zinc" pink.The only one who knew about this was the father. The soiled book should be on the bookshelf in my father's study in my hometown.I wanted to call my mother to look it up, but that would have violated my father's instructions not to mention this letter to anyone.However, if he followed his father's last wish, he would have to take a two-hour car ride home. The researcher leaned on the back of the chair and thought, what secrets are hidden in the "book stained with popsicles"?