After ten years of hard study, I finally won the title of "Foreign Hanlin" and graduated from the Chinese Department of a national university.When I put on a black cassock-like academic gown and a square academic hat with a hanging beard, I went up to the stage and received a golden graduation certificate from our principal. In front of me is Qingyun Zhilu and Pengcheng Wanli.Although I can't go out to "establish business" like a bachelor of science and engineering, and contribute good strategies to revitalize industry, help the world and save the poor; I can't go out to "establish virtue" like a bachelor of politics and law, stand on the temple, and contribute to governing the country and the world I am a bachelor of liberal arts, so I can always go out and "make a statement", list celebrities, wield a big pen like a rafter, and speak for rectifying the morals of the world and upholding justice!At least you can write a book and say that the famous mountain in Tibet can be passed on to future generations!

The more I think about it, the more proud I am.Holding the graduation certificate with gold letters, I thought it was a golden rice bowl, walked out of the school gate triumphantly, and entered the society, waiting for others to offer me milk, bread and honor.Unexpectedly, I actually answered the words I had heard in college but always refused to believe: "Graduation means unemployment!" Few rolled my eyes, said a few good things, the world is so big, I can't find a place for me to stay.What else can we talk about to show our ambitions and stand up for words?What else can you say about writing a book and passing it on to future generations?

I also met a few classmates on the street, all of them were dressed in neat suits, with greasy hair and noodles, and they went in and out of large institutions and companies.Asking questions, they either studied Tao Zhu's art in the economics department of the university, and they can do business; Suggest and plan, smash tiaoer.They asked me about my major, and they knew that I was just a "bookworm", only enough to go to Sanjia Village to be an old scholar, not even to be a scribbler or a teacher.They called me helpless and waved goodbye.I still run around the streets every day, really panicked like a bereaved dog.

One day, I suddenly met a classmate who was studying chemical engineering on the street, and set up a stall there, selling some cosmetics such as creams, face powders, and hair oils.Although he failed in the competition for a job, he was still able to make a living from a small business by relying on his own skills.Although he talked a little sadly, I envied him that he supported himself with his own hands, he was more noble than those who humbled themselves and begged for a living.It's a pity that I don't even have this ability.But it inspired me.Can't I also set up a stall in the street?Although I don't know how to read and tell fortunes, I can write family letters, petitions, invitations, couplets, wedding banners, obituaries, sacrificial texts, and business documents for others, right?There is really no other way, I see that the tricks of word testing and fortune-telling are not impossible to learn without a teacher.

So I went to buy a copy of "Encyclopedia of Practical Essays" and "Don't Ask for Everything" and read them carefully.I find a street that is not too lively and not too remote, set up tables, benches, set up parasols, set up the four treasures of the study, and open for business.I'm not ashamed, and I'm even a little proud that I'm self-sufficient, and I don't go to rich families to beg for leftovers. But one day, a professor in the Chinese Department of the university, the advisor of my graduation thesis, found me on the street. He said that he did not expect that the talented students in the university would fall into such a state of being so polite.So he enthusiastically introduced me to a friend of his, a county magistrate who had just been released from another county, and I went with him to work as a clerk in his yamen.

When I arrived at the county government office, I went to work immediately.After a few days, I discovered that there was actually nothing to do.The county magistrate didn't come to work at all, and the section chiefs rarely showed up, so the section staff were happy to drink tea, read newspapers, and live in a long-term formation, and they were quite at ease.Most of the staff are in their forties or fifties, and some are over sixty years old.As for people who are in their prime, in the prime of life, and in their thirties, there are really not many people. I am afraid that I am the only one in my early twenties.A member of the staff joked: "We can be regarded as three generations living under the same roof here." E-book sharing website

The oldest member of the staff is named Li. Judging by his white beard and eyebrows, he must be nearly seventy years old!Everyone respected him and called him Mr. Li.He himself always called himself a clerk, always saying "I am clerk Li", as if it was some official title worthy of his boast.He is the oldest clerk in our yamen, but he himself said that he is the most unpromising clerk in this yamen.He said that he had been sitting on the bench in this kind of yamen for decades, and the dynasties had changed a few times, and all the other staff members who could be promoted were promoted, and those who could find other promising ways of living would do other things. Gone, but he is still his staff member, sticking to his desk, relying on what he calls "inkstone cultivation", and has lived a life that is neither too peaceful nor too peaceful for decades.

He has been a staff member for a long time, as if he had developed a "professional superiority", he told us the importance of being a staff member and the comfort of being a staff member.He said: "The clerk is indispensable to any government office. Just like the car, without wheels, it can't be played. Or like the sedan chair that the gentlemen sit on, without the person who carries the sedan chair, the master's prestige is also It can't be shaken. So whether it's the southern army fighting the northern army, Mr. Zhao beating Mr. Wang; when firecrackers are set off, the county magistrate Zhang arrives, or someone surnamed Li, Zhao, or whatever the surname is. A man with a narrow nose and eyes took an official document into the yamen, announcing that the county magistrate Zhang had "noticeable misdemeanors and should be dismissed for investigation", so this county magistrate Li came to power again. The magistrate Li's buttocks were not warm in the grand master's chair, and suddenly He was taken away by the soldiers, so the officer who wore two feet five gave up his martial arts and went to Wen, and came to be the magistrate of the county. No matter who it is, those masters, section chiefs, even close-fitting horses, housekeepers, can be changed Come and change, anyway, the staff does not change. This staff is like an iron bowl, and has never been broken. No one will take my throne. Wouldn’t it be nice to live such a comfortable life without competing with the world!"

I'm only in my early twenties, and I'm a college graduate. I should have great ambitions and go out to do something big, but Mr. Li's words moved me.Why should I go to the officialdom to fight for fame and fortune?Tao Yuanming is still unwilling to bend his waist for five buckets of rice, and Li Bai is still unwilling to "bow his eyebrows and bend his waist to serve the powerful". I can't learn from them. We have nothing to do after dinner every day, and we like to drop by.Or three or two, or this family or that family, nothing more than sitting on a bench, drinking a pot of strong tea, all over the world, all over the world, ancient and modern, Chinese and foreign, talking about "chaos".The place we visited the most was the home of Mr. Li.His home is located in the back street of the Yamen. In fact, it is just two or three dilapidated bungalows with a small courtyard, but Mr. Li named his "mansion" "Xinyuanju".I know that he took the allusion from the two lines of Tao Yuanming's poem "The hut is in a human environment, but there are no cars and horses. Ask the king how can you, the heart is far away from the self".When we got there, Mr. Li dragged out a few benches and a few small bamboo chairs as usual, brought out a pot of strong tea that had already been brewed, let everyone drink cold tea, and set up a dragon gate formation, which always lasted until late at night.Sometimes when an enthusiastic staff member brings a bottle of shochu, Mr. Li brings out a few plates of salted soybeans in time, and let us drink carefully and place them slowly, which is even more interesting.Clapper had already knocked on the third watch, and everyone was still procrastinating, refusing to disperse.

These officers are all people who have been in this yamen or that office for ten or twenty years. Which of them has not seen or heard some strange things?My experience is the least, and there is no room for me to intervene, but I have heard so many anecdotes and strange things that I have never heard before, which really opened my mind. It turns out that this society is so colorful!So I don't pull down all night.From then on, listening to the staff "talking about Zen books" has become the most colorful part of my life.Of course, I also thought to myself in private, isn't this a good material for me to write an article?

In this way, our life is very smooth, month after month, year after year, everything is the same here.Old men and young men, big and small, still collect rent and profit, smoke cigarettes and play cards, and enjoy the happiness of life.Ordinary people still work at sunrise and rest at sunset, pay food and taxes, work as young men, and work as business errands, to work for the happy world of "three righteousness" that no one has ever seen.Our county magistrate still sits in the lobby and asks about lawsuits and beats the board; the tax collectors still follow the old rules of 10 out of 10.The opium dens are still so crowded and smoky; the teahouses and restaurants are still fighting and ordering, shouting and drinking ten, and the sellers and singers are still wandering in the streets late at night, singing the sad "The moon bends over Kyushu, a few Joy and family sorrow"; the wild dogs are still barking in the deep alleys... Even the sun still rises from the top of the forest in the east mountain and sets from the edge of the depression in the west mountain every day.The sky did not fall, the earth did not sink, and the earth continued to rotate as before.We still sat on cold benches, drank cold tea, and made some nonsense in "Xinyuanju" as usual. Once, Mr. Li said: "We poor staff members are neither qualified to go to restaurants to get drunk, nor have the capital to go to casinos to drink alcohol, nor are we interested in going to smoke halls to smoke and smoke. Misty immortals don't even bother to go to brothels to find flowers and willows, embrace red and green, we can only drink cold tea like this, mess up the mess, and find our own fun. Why don't we simply form a meeting and form a society? Didn't I hear that the current sage Jiang Has the chief made up his mind to return power to the people and grant us freedom of association?" "Right." Officer Zhang, who has passed his sixtieth year, readily agreed. He said, "We came from the ends of the earth to seek life in this cold yamen. We met together. It is considered a predestined relationship in a previous life. We are all sitting on the bench here." , the same destiny, why not call the club we formed the 'Cold Bench Club'?" "Agreed." The unanimous voice counted ten people. A snake cannot fly without a head, and a bird cannot fly without a head. Of course, a cold bench must have a leader.Everyone unanimously elected Mr. Li as the president of the bench meeting.He is not only the initiator, but also highly respected, and everyone expects him.Mr. Li felt that he deserved it, so he did his part.At that time, he appointed me, the youngest "scholar"-this is the honorable title he gave me-to do errands and odd jobs.I also gladly obey. So under the leadership of Chairman Li, everyone chatted about the rules of the club.Everyone agrees that on the second day and the sixteenth day of each month, which are auspicious days for offering sacrifices to the Stove Lord, at night when the lights are lit, people will go to each house to clean up the guests in order of their age.The host just needs to pull out a few cold benches and make a big pot of tea.As for the hospitable host who wants to entertain a pot of cold "burning second child" and a few plates of salted soybeans to help the conversation, he has no objection.Every time you vote, you will cast a lot.Whichever picks it up, it will be the one who sets up a dragon gate array.However, Mr. Li is the president and does not participate in the lottery. He will be the first to cast, and I will be the last to cast as the secretary.The dragon gate array that everyone puts up can be long or short, and if you can't finish it at one time, you can continue to do it next time.If you don't show up, you will be ordered to resign. Mr. Li warned everyone: "Although I heard that freedom of speech is going to be granted, we must abide by the clear instructions that disaster comes from the mouth. We sit on the bench, drink cold tea, talk about cowhide, talk about wild fox meditation, or hear or see, or It is personal experience, or collected from street talks, or searched in wild women, or anecdotes, or unofficial secret stories, all are just some nonsense, put them out to let everyone eat, rationalize and ventilate, and waste time We didn’t want to say it with our mouths, write it with our pens, keep it as a famous mountain, and pass it on to future generations. We don’t even dare to criticize the current evils and judge right from wrong. As for being deaf and rebellious, it’s not our fault Will. Therefore, we will have to talk about something, and not talk about something.” Everyone thinks what Chairman Li said is also reasonable.It is the same in ancient and modern times to be wise and protect one's life.So everyone discusses what can't be discussed.As a result, the chairman summed up the "ten don'ts" and formulated a "ten don'ts" agreement: first, don't talk about the teachings of sages; second, don't talk about the words of adults; third, don't talk about political affairs; Don't talk about Confucianism, Buddhism and God;Everyone agrees. Mr. Li, the chairman, was very excited, and said again: "The cold bench meeting is an elegant meeting. Why not follow the precedent of the ancients who wrote "The Preface to the Lanting Collection" and invite someone to write "The Origin of the Cold Bench Meeting"?" "Scholar!" Zhang Laocai said, and everyone raised their hands in approval. I was terrified, and quickly declined: "No, no! If you're not talented, how dare you beat him to death? Please be smart!" Mr. Li said: "You are not as good as us when it comes to writing clichéd official documents. If you want to write a well-read "Origin", you must do it. You are a scholar, a college student, and a foreign scholar. There is more ink in it than ours. Now I am the president, and you are the secretary. My president asked you to do this, and you have to do it.” What can I say? Officer Wang, who usually doesn't speak much, unexpectedly came up with another idea: "Since it is an elegant meeting, we are all considered elegant people. An elegant person must not have an elegant name. Why don't each of you choose an elegant name for yourself?" "Great idea. Let's all get a nickname for ourselves, let's pretend to be Fengya for a while!" Mr. Zhang was the first to agree.And immediately reported his nickname as "Baling Yelao", because he was an old man in the countryside of Bazhou. Mr. Li also reported himself as "from Mount Emei". He said he was from Su Dongpo's hometown, from Mount Emei, not far from Mount Emei.Officer Huang said that he was from the mountain city of Chongqing, where he spent most of his life working as a "helper" for others, so he called himself "a soldier in the mountain city"!Officer Wu said that he was a fellow of Guo Moruo, who grew up on the bank of Qingyi River, which was called Qiangjiang in ancient times, so he called himself "Qiangjiang Fisherman".Staff member Wang is usually mild-tempered, and people say he looks like an old pedant, so they gave him the nickname "Sanjia Villager", and he is quite satisfied.Zhou Keyuan said that his ancestors had no future, and the family had no land and no land. They only passed down a pen and an inkstone plate, and they made a living by this, so they called themselves "the master of inkstone farming".Tong Keyuan is a true mountain native, with messy hair, like a poor and unprofessional old Taoist, so he called himself "Poor Taoist".Keyuan Sun was born in a gentry's family, which has long been dilapidated, but he still never forgets that there is a "Wushi Building" in the garden of his family, so he called himself "Wushi Louzhu".Officer Zhao hadn't come up with his nickname yet, but Mr. Li had already thought of it for him and said, "You should be called 'Wild Fox Zen Master'!" Showing you some unproven Longmen Formation, everyone said that he played "Wild Fox Zen", and calling him "Wild Fox Zen Master" couldn't be more appropriate.Finally it was my turn. Everyone called me a scholar, but Mr. Li said that I was a scholar who didn’t have time to pass the exam, so he called me "a scholar who didn't rank first"! Mr. Li approved everyone's nicknames, saying: "In the future, don't be called Zhang Keyuan or Li Keyuan, just nicknames." Of course no one objected. After half a month, I wrote "The Origin of the Cold Bench" was finished.Our president, Mr. Li—oh, now we’ll call him a native of Mount Emei—informed everyone to choose an auspicious day, on which everyone would fast and bathe, and go to the president’s house to hold a ceremony. On this day, we all arrived at the "heart far away".The president has already arranged the altar, lit a large candle, inserted a stick of incense with green smoke rising in the middle, placed an antique large teapot on the table, and ten pottery teacups that had been filled with tea were placed along the table. A few wooden benches are scattered in front of it.The president led everyone to stand apart, facing the teapot.Everyone followed the example of the president, raised the teacup, dipped a drop of tea with your finger, and flicked it into the air, which means dedicating to the past gods who are on duty in the sky, and then poured a little tea in the teacup on the ground, which means dedicating to the gods on duty. The land commons and land wives.The president muttered something, probably wishing God, the gods of the past, and the mother-in-law of the land, bless us to sit at home, and don't let disasters fall from the sky!Then the chairman picked up the teacup and drank it down in one gulp, and we all followed suit.He asked me to read my book "The Origin of the Cold Bench". I gave full play to my ability as a scholar, shook my head, followed the rhyme, and read in cadence.Although this can't be regarded as a wonderful article that shocks the past and the present, it must be a soul-stirring sketch!I read: Only in the year of helplessness, the moon of immortality, the night of bleak wind and rain, in a country with remnant mountains and water, in a city where the earth is old and the sky is barren, and in a remote place where the heart is far away, I am from Mount Emei, the villager of the three families, the old man of Baling, the Zen master of the wild fox, and the mountain city. Pawns, Qiangjiang fishermen, Wushi landlords, poor Taoist priests, masters of Yangengzhai, and ten outstanding talents, stood beside the cold bench and worshiped in front of the cold teapot. "Woohoo! My boy, the legacy of Yanhuang, born at the wrong time, and his life is bumpy. There is no countryside to return to, and no blue sky to trust. We live in troubled times, fleeing for our lives. Struggling in muddy roads, turning to ravines. Begging The cold yamen, the years are wasted. Settling on the cold bench, waiting for it because of it; consuming mind between pen and paper, preaching according to the law. I don’t know what to worry about, and I don’t know what to do. Life is bitter and lonely, and the mood is depressed. In my life, I have no money, so I drink and drink; I have no interest, so I watch operas and listen to songs. Looking for flowers and willows is not allowed by a gentleman; Hitting the target vigorously is not what we are capable of, nor is it what the world can do. The old and the strange, the poor and the sick, what can we do? "However, the fish in the dry rut still know that each other is in love with each other; how can we be regarded as the same water and fire? Life is short, and the days to come are many. At the invitation of the elders, I fulfilled the covenant of the cold bench, so I went out of the cold house, Turning to a cold alley, entering a cold room, sitting on a cold bench, drinking cold tea, talking about cowhide vinegar, talking about wild fox meditation, making wild branches, making false assumptions. Either heard or seen, or passed by in person; or collected from street talks, or searched by wild old women; or anecdotal Strange things, or wild stories. If you can speak vividly, listen to it with gusto, it is logical and self-fulfilling. Although it is not as intoxicating as Laojiao Daqu, it is also better than market mash, which quenches your thirst. My ten sons are all standard Good people have always kept their own law and order, and muddled through. So allied with night tales, they are just poor and bored, seeking pleasure in hardship. They don’t dare to make troubles and bewitched by evil words. The gods of the past, the parents-in-law of the land, are fortunate to pay attention.” After I finished reading "Origin", the chairman of Mount Emei was about to announce the completion of the ceremony. Our old pedantic Sanjia villager suddenly became very popular with poetry and asked to read a heptagram poem "Praise the Cold Bench Meeting" written by him.The president had to wait for him to finish reading before announcing the completion of the ceremony.Psalm cloud: You come to the end of the world, Beg for food from all directions and enter the cold yamen. Can't bear to watch the blue sky flying, Why don't you think the earth is a dragon and a snake? Turn over the newspapers during the day without incident, Drink cold tea at leisure at night. Compassionate and sympathetic, Fucking country and family.