Chapter 7 Chapter 6
When I am a fully qualified Other, I can easily go five or six days without sleep.But now I don't sleep at all.On the contrary - the energy literally boils in the blood.Ordinary, ordinary human energy.
I was called back to our residence half an hour earlier.Take a look in the girls' room - someone has woken up and turned over.business as usual.No one went swimming, no one drowned, no one was hijacked by vicious terrorists, and no one thought about going to a counselor in the middle of the night.
I walked into my room with a silly but satisfied smile.Slowly and lazily took off his clothes and stood in front of the mirror, stroking his thighs with both hands in narcissism, protruding like a fed cat.
Crazy night.Magical night.I'm afraid I did all the crazy things that only a woman in love can do with a man, even things I didn't like to do in the past.During the night I got a kind of stimulated excitement.
Am I in love?This is impossible……
Fall in love with someone?An ordinary guy who understands me better than anyone else in the world?
This is impossible!
"Darkness, let him be an 'other' too," I begged softly, "I implore you, great dark god..."
To invoke primal strength for such a trifle as this is a dangerous game.Although... I don't believe the God of Darkness can hear the voice of an ordinary witch.If Zawulong might be able to wake him up...
Zaburon.
I sat on the bed and buried my face in my hands.
Nothing could have given me as much joy as his love a few days ago.But now?
Of course, he himself advised me to have fun.Of course, he was dismissive of mediocre human dogma, let alone dogma that came out of the traditional routines of these Lightbringers.Yeah, what was betrayal to him?What is jealousy?If I and Igor...he wouldn't even say a word of disapproval.
stop!Where am I thinking of?
"Aliska, you are stupid..." I said softly.
Am I not so far removed from humanity?Am I capable—not afraid to say it—to marry?Marry an ordinary person?Boil red cabbage soup for him, wash socks, and have children?As the common saying goes - inspection during the day, shame at night.
I can too.
I shook my head, imagining the little girl's reaction.No, nothing unusual actually.The vast majority of witches marry and start families, often with humans.but……
It's one thing to fall in love with a wealthy and capable tycoon, worst case - it's one thing to fall in love with a Duma deputie or a gang leader in the city, but it's okay to fall in love with a poor man Ordinary young lads, college students are another matter... And not without reason, it's scary!
I'm not going to get dizzy with sex!
What's wrong with me?
Like being mesmerized by a hatchling...
I shudder at the outlandish thought.What if Igor——was just an ordinary incubator?It's a colleague... and it's also the original dark messenger!
No, it's impossible.
If it is a hatchling, he will feel that I am the other, the dark messenger in the other, although temporarily deprived of power.He would not have risked it on the Witch, because he knew what the price would be.Once the power comes back, and I figure out that this love is a setup, I will smash him into powder...
love?So, is it still love after all?
"Oh, Arriska..." I whispered, "fool, what a fool you are..."
Let it go--little fool!
I took my panties out of my bag and went into the bathroom.
I was running around pointlessly until dark.Everything was going haphazardly, but it didn't disturb me in the slightest.I even got into an argument with the female camp director for trying to get a better spot at the film festival for the girls on my team.I won it, and won a better reputation in her eyes!We were then handed out dark glass from somewhere in Nikolayev - for viewing the eclipse tomorrow.Five pieces of glass were issued to each team, and I played a trick and got six.I didn't expect someone in Ukraine to think of producing this kind of glass again, but now that I thought of it...
Then we went to the beach - as luck would have it, the squadron of boys was off today for some stupid visit!Not even the sea can cheer me up.At one point I glanced at Natasha, caught her melancholy eyes, and figured out how ridiculous the situation was.I'm not just a fool, we have two fools.The girl who missed her little boy, the little girl and I who had just imagined kissing in her fantasies, the one who had sex at night that couldn't be found in even the most obscene corners... In a word, two extremes meet.
"Are you bored?" I asked softly.Natasha seemed to be alerted immediately, and glared at me angrily...suddenly sighed and said:
"Hmph... are you bored too?"
I nodded silently.The little girl hesitated for a moment, then asked:
"Did you stay with him till morning?"
I wasn't going to lie, and besides, there was no one else around.I just asked a question:
"You followed us?"
"I felt terrible at night," the little girl said softly. "I was awakened, and I dreamed something terrible... I went to find you, but you were not in the room."
"Until morning," I admitted, "I liked him, Natashka."
"Did you have sex?" the girl asked me in a serious tone.
I pointed at her and threatened:
"Natasha!"
She is not shy at all.On the contrary, he lowered his voice and announced like a bosom friend:
"But nothing came out with my guy. I said to him, if he kisses me, I'll punch him in the eye. And he said, 'I don't want that!' Why do boys do that Stupid?"
"He'll kiss you," I promised her, adding in my mind, "I'll try my best."
Indeed, is there anything simpler than this?Tomorrow I'll have all my powers, and the freckled little red-haired boy will have to follow Natasha around and look at her with true, loving eyes.Why not make your best donor happy?
"What did you dream about?"
"Scary stuff," the little girl answered me curtly. "I don't remember it anymore, really. But something very, very terrible!"
"About your brother?" I asked.
Natashka wrinkled her brow, and answered:
"I don't remember...how did you know I have a little brother?"
I smiled mysteriously and stretched my body on the beach.business as usual.The dream was completely absorbed.
I couldn't help it at night.
I just understand one thing - I can't help it anymore.I went to Galina and asked her to babysit my little girls for an hour or two.
There was something strange about her eyes.No, it wasn't an aggrieved look, although it was obvious that she understood everything, because she herself had Igor's idea in mind.Nor is it a vicious look.More like the sad look of a dog who has been unfairly punished.
"Of course, Alyssa," she said.
These so-called good people are really terrible!You can spit in his face, get in his way, stomp his feet—they can take it.
Although, it's certainly convenient.
I walked towards the small building of the Fourth Squadron.Scared two tiny boys out of bushes on the road, smoking shards of glass over a small fire made of disposable plastic cups.The two little guys frowned and became nervous, but they didn't stop their tricks.
"I will give each of you a piece of special glass tomorrow," I said to them with concern, "you will cut your hands with this kind of glass."
"There are too few special glasses," one of the little guys retorted to me confidently, "We smoked the glass ourselves, and the smoke from the small cup was very heavy."
"We'll tape the sides of the glass," another guy added, "and that'll do it!"
I smiled, nodded to them and moved on.The kids are doing well.independent.self-esteem.correct.
As I approached the summer cottage I heard a guitar and I saw Makar.
The lad was standing by the tree, again seemingly not hiding, but he couldn't be seen from the side of the house.He just stood there, looking at Igor who was sitting among his group of children.At the sound of my footsteps, he turned sharply, shuddered...and lowered his eyes...and I understood.
"It's not good to peek, Makar."
The boy stood there biting his lip.Interesting, what is he going to do?Thinking of a trick to fix Igor?To challenge him to a duel?Or just clenching fists in impotent hatred as this grown man made love to the woman he liked last night?Stupid boy, stupid boy... you should look at those girls of the same age, not this charming witch with long legs.
"There will be everything, Makar," I whispered. "Girls, nights on the coast, and . . . "
He looked up at me mockingly, even indulgently. "There will be no," said his eyes, there will be no sea, no naked beauties beside the breaking waves.Everything would be different - dirty dorms with cheap port in shabby rooms, second drinks available to everyone, chicks with prematurely flabby sweaty bodies and hoarse from excessive smoking He whispered in a low voice: "Where are you drilling, you, hairy sailor."
My experienced and brazen witch knows this.He, who happened to be a guest at "Artek", a temporary visitor to the "Sacred Place of Friendship and Love", knew this too.We have nothing to hide from each other.
"I'm sorry, Makar," I said.I patted his cheek affectionately, "But I like him. You grow up to be a strong person, grow up to be a smart person, and you'll have everything..."
He turned around and ran away.He was almost a grown child, but he still didn't want to lose even a little bit of the short happy summer, staying up all night and dreaming of another happy life.
What can I do?The Sun Watch patrols don't need ordinary people to be their servants.Enough of shapeshifters, vampires, and other low-level little things.I will of course check out Makar.He has the potential to be a great dark emissary.But there are very few opportunities for this child to have the talent of others...
My little girls were quite possibly some of the most ordinary people.
The possibility of Igor having other talents is also very slim...
Maybe, this is better?If he was human...we could be together.Za Wulong dismisses the trivial matter that his girlfriend's husband is human.But if I make an Other a husband, he can't bear it...
I looked at my legs thoughtfully and went inside.Igor sat on the balcony tuning his guitar.There were only two children with him--Alyosha, the "keeper of the campfire", and a fat boy with a sick appearance that he seemed to have never seen at the campfire party that day.
Igor glanced at me and smiled.The two little boys said something and greeted me, and we didn't say anything to each other—it was all in the eyes.Memories of that night, promises of the next... many nights to follow...
And there was a hint of shy sadness in Igor's eyes, as if something made him deeply sad.My dear... it would be nice if he knew how sad I am... how hard it is for me to smile...
Igor, it would be better if you didn't have the talent of others.Just let my colleagues laugh at me.I can live with it.And about Zaburon you will never know anything.About the Patrol – too.You yourself will be amazed at your success, your rise in your career, your physical strength - I give it all to you personally!
Igor slid his palm over the strings, looked at his child affectionately again, and sang:
Something in my body was trembling coldly and viscously.A disgusting, sad, hopeless feeling...
This is our song.Too much ours...too ours...the other's song.
I feel the emotions of the little boy sitting next to me, and I am almost a normal other now.It seemed to me that I would be able to breathe the twilight if I had to wait a moment.It's like the night we made love - exhausting swinging on a swing, it's a balance hanging on a razor blade, waiting to explode, it's an abyss under your legs...there's power flowing around The creek—a rough creek for me, not chicken soup for the soul made of nocturnal children's nightmares, but just a chubby half-grown thought of his parents: he has a problem with his heart and rarely talks to his children Let's play, just like Olenchka depends on me, closely following Igor...
This is not a nourishing soup.
But it's basically the kind of thing that's needed...
I can't wait any longer!
I swayed forward, reached out a hand, and grabbed the little boy's shoulder, absorbing the sadness he couldn't speak.I was almost knocked to the ground by the swarming energy, and the whole world was suddenly shrouded in cold grayness.My shadow fell like a toppled black mass on the tattered planks of the verandah, and I myself fell on the verandah, into the twilight world, falling just in time to see...
Igor drew strength from the little boy Alyosha who was snuggling beside him, absorbing a thin stream of lavender energy.To draw on the anticipation of mischief and adventure, excitement and discovery, delight and fear - the overall emotion of a healthy, happy child, perfectly satisfied with himself and the world...
Draw a beam of light.
Absorb the power of light.
What was given to the Angel of Darkness—is the thing of darkness.
What is given to the Angel of Light—is the thing of light.
So I stood up—half still in the real world, half—already in the twilight world, to meet Igor who stood up, to meet my lover and lover, and to meet the magician of the Moscow Night Watch patrol team.
to meet the enemy.
Then I heard his cry:
"No!!!"
Then I heard my own voice:
"don't want!!!"
The first thought that popped into my head was, this is not right.No, some cunning scheme of the Night's Watch patrol Igor had arranged wasn't against me; he was out of power - just like me.He is gradually recovering and is on vacation at "Altek", like me.He didn't see my bioelectric field, and he couldn't even imagine what was in front of him—a witch.
He is in love with me.Desperately in love.just like me.
All around is the gray, bleak, cold twilight world that makes us who we are, draws our strength, and helps us find it.The leaves on the trees, the dead figures of children, the guitars hanging in the air - Igor put him off his hands and walked into the twilight world.A thousand icy needles pierced my skin, dragging the newly acquired powers from me, carrying them forever into the Twilight...but I was the other again, so I could take power from the world around me.I held on for a while - and sucked all the dark energy out of the fat boy.I no longer feel that there is any problem with the devouring power, and I no longer care about what to do and how to do it, I am familiar with it, and I am used to implementing it all.
The same is what Igor did to Alyosha.Maybe, not so skillfully - Lightbringer rarely gathers power directly, they are bound by their own stupid limitations, but he sucks his joy out of it... I also experience a kind of unnatural self-sacrifice A loved one, a feeling of exhilaration for one's enemies, for a Lightbringer among others who has gained power...
"Alyssa..."
"Igor..."
He is sad.He is much heavier than me.Lightbringers - they have been chasing fantasy all their lives, they are full of false hopes, they are not good at taking blows...but he endured...I persisted...persisted...persisted...
"How ridiculous," he murmured, shaking his head—a strange gesture in this hazy mirage... "You...you're a witch..."
I felt him coming into my consciousness - not very deep, but along the surface, and he just wanted confirmation... or a negative answer... so I didn't fight back, I just froze in response.
I laughed - because the pain was unbearable.
South Butovo.
Edgar - Opponent of the Lightbringer.
We feed Edgar with power, and the Lightbringers are fed by their second tier of mages.
Among them - Igor.
I recognized his bioelectric field and remembered the characteristics of his power.This kind of thing cannot be forgotten.
He also recognized me...
Of course, I didn't know his appearance before, and of course, I never heard his name.Besides, an ordinary patrolling witch doesn't need to know everything, she knows at least a thousand members of the Moscow night watch patrol team.Don't need to know all these wizards, wizards, shapeshifters... When needed - specific guides are usually issued.This was the case a year and a half ago when we followed Anton Gorodecki under Zaburon's secret order and finally caught him by using unauthorized magical effects...some people remember it subconsciously...for example Say, Tiger...
But Igor I didn't know before.
He is a third-level light magician.Probably slightly stronger than I am, though it's hard to compare the strength of a born wizard and a witch.
my lover, my lover, my enemy...
my fate...
"Why?" Igor asked, "Alyssa...why...you want to do this?"
"What 'why'," I almost shouted at him.But stopped again because I knew—he wouldn't believe it.He will never believe that what happened - that it was just accidental, absurd and tragic, that there was no malicious deliberation in what happened, that it was the cruelty and irony of fate that brought us together - —Among our fellow beings, when we do not recognize each other, when we feel the enemy... there is only one thing we can and hope for—that moment of love.
How can there be so many "whys" in this world?Why am I an emissary of darkness?Why is he the Lightbringer?For in every one of us - at first - there is a mixture of the former and the latter.
It's just a chain of chance that led us to what we are...
Igor could have been my friend, colleague, dark emissary...
And I...maybe...could have been the Lightbringer too.Then the one who taught me is not a smart witch, but a smart magician... Then when I deal with the enemy, I will not use the same way to deal with him, but teach him to follow the "way of truth" Road"... sticking out the other cheek to hit him, enjoying every kind of nonsense done with seriousness.
I understand that I can only cry if the world around me is spinning.Don't cry in the Twilight - everyone knows that.The more we indulge our emotions, the more willingly the Twilight devours our power.
And losing power in the Twilight—means staying in it forever.
I tried to draw strength from my blood donor, Fat Boy, but he was empty.I turned towards Alyosha, but he was completely neutral, sucked dry by Igor.And from Igor I can't, I don't want to absorb energy, and the others are too far away, and the world is spinning...how ridiculous...
I hit my knees to the ground - I even foolishly tried to stain my skirt, although in the real world we don't leave any Twilight filth on us.
In the next instant Igor threw a force at me.
No, not to attack, but to help me.
This is another power, the power of the Lightbringer, but released to me through him.
And power is power after all.
I stood up, breathing hard, as empty as that night, our night of meaningless, impossible love.Igor helped me to stand in the twilight, but did not reach out to me.
He cries now, like me.He was in a bad mood.
"How could you..." he murmured.
"It's a coincidence, Igor!" I took a step towards him and extended my hand to him, as if there was nothing to look forward to, "Igor, it's a coincidence!"
He moved away as quickly as he would avoid a leper.The movements of his mage, accustomed to working in the twilight, were soft and graceful.
Fight in the twilight realm.Fighting in the twilight world.
"This kind of coincidence is impossible," he said, as if spitting. "You...you dirty, dirty bastard...witch...you..."
He calmed down, absorbing the residue of the magic.
"You actually took the power from the child!"
At this point I couldn't help it.
"Then why are you here, Lightbringer?" The tongue doesn't obey me, it's impossible, unthinkable to call him that, but he's the Lightbringer, so the swearing at this point is no more than simple terminology, "What would you be doing here if you weren't being fed by human children?"
"Light can't be taken away," he shook his head. "Those things you get will return a hundredfold. You take away darkness—darkness will breed. I take light—it will come again."
"You tell that to Alyosha, the little boy who will miss you all night!" I cried. "Let him be happy, and the joy will return!"
"I have other things to do, witch! I'm going to save the children you've pushed into darkness!"
"Go and comfort them." I said indifferently.Everything in the world seemed to be covered with a cold scab. "It's your job... honey!"
What am I doing?
Anyway, he believed that I knew everything beforehand, that the Day Watchers had drawn up a cunning plan of action, that he was being played in a nasty way, that what had happened between us—was nothing but a cunning game. It's just a game...
"Witch..." Igor said contemptuously, "You leave here immediately. Do you understand?"
I am so happy!I almost didn't say it.From this summer, from this sea, from this abundance of power, and finally... what joy can there be?Gradually recover, the most important thing has already been done.
"You can get out of here yourself," I said, "I have permission to rest and use human power. You can ask yourselves... And you, have you been given permission... dear?"
What are you doing, fool!What are you doing, my dear?What am I doing again?
what am i doingI—the dark messenger, I—the witch.I——I am free from human morality, and I do not intend to play childish games with the primitive creature named "man".I'm here to rest - I'll just rest!And you, what are you doing?If you really love me, I know.I can see this even now, if you want to...you can have it too...
For love -- is above darkness and light.
Because love—it's not sex, it's not a shared belief, it's not "common household chores and children's education."
Because of love - that is also a great power.
Light and darkness, man and other, morality and law, the Ten Commandments and the Great Peace Treaty can never be related to love.
You bloody thing, scoundrel, beast of light, well-meaning fool, reliable idiot, I still love you!I love you no matter what!Even though we were against each other three days ago, we only longed for one thing - to destroy each other.Even if there is an abyss between us that no one can cross at any time.
But you have to understand, I love you!
All my words - just a defense, and all tears, but you can't see it, you don't want to see it...
You look up to me, wherever you are - whether in the twilight world, where no one can see us, or on this balcony, in front of a terrified child.As long as you hug me, we will cry together, and I will leave without any words.To hell, to Zavulon in Moscow, to the wing of proud Remensheva... But if you like, I'll leave the Sun Watchers!I'm no longer a dark messenger, it's out of my control and I don't want to be, but I can walk out of the endless war between the dark and the light and live simply like that, never even from the poor people Take anything, even if you still don't want to be with me, I don't even ask for that, just keep this memory, we used to love each other!
Just come close to me like this.
Don't answer what I say!
I—the messenger of darkness!
I—couldn't be anything else!
In this world - I only love myself!
But now you—are part of me.big portion.main part.If the future requires - I will kill that part of myself, that is, all of myself.
But please don't!
You are the Lightbringer after all!
You dedicate your lives to the altar, you protect people, you support each other... You try to see me in the same way, even though I am a witch, even though I am your enemy!You can sometimes -- understand.Like Anton Gorodecki understood... Gathering great and terrifying power just for one thing - not letting it start.But I can only praise Anton as if I were a real enemy, but you, I love you, love you, love you!Understand me, come one step closer to me, you sweet damned bastard, my dear scum, my only enemy, my never-ending fool!
"Fool!" I yelled.
Igor's face was distorted and distorted by the great pain, and then I understood - everything.
Light and darkness.
good and evil.
These are just one sentence.
Just because we speak different languages, we can't understand each other at all-even though we want to say the same thing.
"Go. Or I will destroy you."
He said these words - walked out of the twilight world.His body lost its contours, and his body was fully fleshed out, so that he could immediately return to the human world, to return to the little boys of the "Artec" summer camp.I followed closely behind, rushing out of my own shadow—how wonderful it would be if I could also so easily rush out of myself, out of my essence, out of my own destiny!
I even saw Igor, who appeared in the human reality, grab the guitar that was almost touching the ground, and threw a "cover layer" on his painfully distorted face-I don't know what the Lightbringer called it, and then He dragged the two young boys out of their trance.It turned out that when he entered the Twilight Realm, he loaded them with a coma technique, so that they would not be shocked by the sudden disappearance of the two counselors...
Natashka, what did you say that day?
Reliable?
Yes.Reliable.
"It's time for you to go, Alyssa," said Igor. "What should I say, children?"
I never saw his real face until now.Only pain, nothing but pain...
"Goodbye," said the chubby boy.
"See you later," said Alyosha.
My legs were limp, and I pulled away from the balcony railing on which my arms rested... and took a step forward.
"See you later," Igor said.
Total darkness.
No need to go to great lengths to put on a "cover", no need to put on a happy face, just pay attention to the sound.There was a little light coming through the windows - it didn't matter.
"So they were divided into the Lightbringers and the Darkbringers," I said. "The Lightbringers believed that they should give their lives to the suffering of others. They believed that the most important thing was to give, even if those who took it didn't deserve it. And the Darkbringers think that one should just live, that each one is worthy of what he has got in life, and that's all." They were silent, my silly girls...human children, and I didn't find a single one of them Others.Whether it's the messenger of darkness or the messenger of light, whether it's a wizard or a witch, not even the poor vampire...
"Good night, boys," I said, "have good dreams, and preferably—no dreams at all..."
"Good night, Alyssa..."
How many voices.Simply amazing.This is not even a fairy tale, this is a fable that every other knows.But they weren't sleeping...they were listening.Whether it is an emissary of darkness or an emissary of light.
Natasha's voice asked, "Is the eclipse scary?" By this time I was at the door.
"No," I said, "it's not scary at all. It's just kind of sad."
After returning to my room, I took out my mobile phone for the second time and dialed Zaburong's number.
"The user is temporarily unable to connect..."
Where will you be, Zaburon?If your proud "Iridium" mobile phone doesn't answer my calls, where are you, where are you?
I don't love you, Zaburon.And, maybe there was no love at all in the past.I seem to understand love now - what it is.But you love me!To know we were together, we were happy, and you gave me the whole world... and extra skates... answer me!You are my boss, you are my mentor, you are my lover, you tell me - now what?What do I do when I'm alone with my enemies...and my loved ones?escape?fight?to die?What should I do, Zaburon?
I entered the twilight realm.
A mass of children's dream shadows swayed around me.Nutrients... strands of energy.There is light energy and there is dark energy.Fear and sadness, sorrow and grievance.I can see through the whole "blue battalion".No, the friends didn't give the little boy Timka lemonade, and he was wronged in his dream.Here, the indefatigable little girl Iracka, nicknamed "Perpetual Motion," was held down by someone with an inflatable swimming ring, so she sobbed softly on her pillow... and here, in a dream In the terrifying dark corner, my loyal energy provider Natasha lost her little brother, and she is crying while running to find him...
I don't want to gather strength, I don't want to prepare for battle, I don't want anything.
"Za Wulong!" I shouted into the gray dust, "I am calling you! Za Wulong..."
no respond.
It was easier for Aunt Polly to call back Tom Sawyer who had stolen the jam-jar opener than it was for me to call Zaburon.
"Zabulong..." I repeatedly shouted loudly.
The night I imagined was not like this...not like this.
Igor... Igor...
What are you doing now?Accumulate strength?Are you following the advice of the philosopher Gesar?Still sitting there, staring blankly in the mirror...just like I am now...
Mirror, mirror... can mirror guess for me?
Fortune-telling is not my strong suit, but I can sometimes successfully see the future...
No.
I do not want.
I know nothing good will happen there.
When the eclipse began, they came to the beach.
My little girls screamed and fought to wrest the dark glass from each other.They didn't understand why I didn't ask them for the glass.Little girl, little girl... what is the dazzling sun to me?I can watch the sunset with my naked eyes.
The boys of the 4th Squadron cheered beside Igor, urging him on.They don't understand why their favorite counselor is not in a hurry.I don't understand why he took them down a long detour to the beach.
I see.
Through the twilight I see a blurred glint of sucked power.
What are you doing, Igor... my beloved enemy...
Take a step forward - the smile on that next face fades.The aggressive ten-year-old stopped trying to please his friends with compromises.The extremely active little girl of eleven forgot the black shells she picked up on the shore.The prudish macho of fifteen gave no thought to the promised evening date.
Igor walks around "Artek", just as Anton Gorodetsky once walked along Moscow.
And I, his natural antagonist, wanted to shout, "What the hell are you doing?"
Anton won Zaburon not because he collected more power than everyone else.Za Wulong is still stronger after all.
Anton is good at using this power...
can you?
I don't think about your victory.All I love is you.Now that you're such a big part of me, what can I do?How did lightning penetrate my life?
Igor is gathering all power, every drop of bright energy that exists around him.He broke all laws and agreements, and staked everything—first of all, his own life.And not just because of a single-minded desire to protect human children from vicious witches.
He didn't want to live anymore.Unlike me, he was prepared to live for others.Since this is needed...
他最后从马卡尔身上吸走了力量。
我早就感到小男孩盯着我的目光，爱上成年女人的小男孩的目光。忧伤的……充满了告别愁绪的忧伤。
这不是那种我们黑暗使者可以利用的愁绪。这是光明使者的愁绪。
伊戈尔将它吸了个精光。
他越过了一切界线。我甚至都无法同样回应他——我被对扎武隆的许诺所抑制，被久远的过失所抑制。还有一点——一种疯狂的希望，希望他正确行事。希望我的敌人获胜，那意味着，我也不会输掉。
空中圆盘状的太阳渐渐消失。孩子们已经厌烦了透过小玻璃片儿去看它，他们在使两位他者想起黄昏界的那种奇怪的透明光线照耀下的海水里欢蹦乱跳。
我向伊戈尔转过身去，捕捉到他的目光。
“离开，”他的嘴唇无声地说了一句话，“离开吧，否则我杀了你。”
“杀死我吧。”我无声地回应。
I am - the Dark Emissary.
我不离开。
我的敌人，他打算做什么？进攻吗？剥夺我呆在此地的合法权利吗？向守夜人巡查队雅尔塔分部提出起诉？没准儿已经向他们咨询了……现在已经知道，对我没什么可起诉的。
伊戈尔向我走近了一步。
“我用光明和黑暗向你挑战……”他的嘴唇轻轻发出声音。
一阵战栗穿过我的身体。
这个我可没料到。无论如何也没料到。
“在光明和黑暗之外，你和我，单挑到底……”
他向我提出决斗。
这是与光明使者和黑暗使者之间的伟大和约同时诞生的一条古老的习俗。它几乎没被用到过。因为决斗的胜利者应向宗教法庭负责。因为只有在没有对决的合法理由，巡查队不合法地干涉，是情感，而不是理智在说话时才进行决斗。
“光明将是我的证人。”
未必有谁看见了刹那间在伊戈尔手上闪过的白色火花的花瓣。连他自己都战栗了一下。高级的力量很少回应普通巡查队员的请求……
“伊戈尔，我爱你……”
他的脸仿佛遭到猛击，哆嗦了一下。他不相信我，不可能相信我。
“你接受我的挑战吗，女巫？”
是的，我可以拒绝。回到莫斯科，被侮辱和失去……荣耀的、带着逃避决斗的标签……每一位生满虱子的最下等的他者都会唾弃我，在我的身后吐唾沫的……
我还可以试一试去杀死伊戈尔，去收集足够的力量，以便与他抗衡……
“黑暗将成为我的证人……”我说，伸出手掌。一束黑暗在手掌上震颤了一下。
“你选吧。”伊戈尔说。
I shook my head.我不会选择决斗的时间、地点、方式。
请你理解我，理解我呀！
“那轮到我选了。现在。在海上。挤压。”
他的双眸黑黑的。日食——这不可怕。日食——这只是指某种物体挡住光线时。
大海温暖得不大自然。也许，因为天完全变冷了，就像晚上一样？太阳只留下圆盘上面那一部分月牙儿形状，现在连普通人都可以用肉眼看它了。
我在温暖的海水中游着，没有回头看海岸，岸上谁也没有发现男辅导员和女辅导员走进了大海，毫不在意急冲冲从路上溜走的水母。
我想起了我第一次下海时的情景。当时我还很小，还不知道我不属于人类这一族，不知道命运决定了让我成为“他者”。我和爸爸住在阿鲁什特。他教我游泳……我记得第一次被海水征服的那种极度兴奋。
我记得海上有浪。凶猛的浪。或许那个时候所有的海浪对我而言都是巨大的？我在爸爸的手里，他可笑地在浪花里跳跃着，水花溅到我们身上，那么美好，那么快活……我叫喊着说我能游过大海，爸爸回答说，当然啦，你能的……
你会非常难过的，爸爸。
妈妈心里也不会好受。
海岸被远远地抛在身后，挤满了极度兴奋的孩子和心满意足的成年人的海岸，简直就是兴高采烈和幸福的海岸。我甚至都没觉察到“挤压”是怎么开始的，只觉得游起来越来越困难，水不再托住我，有什么东西压在我的双肩上。
最简单的魔咒。没有任何新花样。力量对抗力量。
爸爸，我那时确实相信我能游过大海……
我在自己上方展开一张保护帘，驱走双肩上的重力。我又一次，不知是第几次低声呼唤：
“扎武隆，我在呼唤你……”
我来得及收集的那些力量迅速地消融着。伊戈尔向我攻击，无情地挤压着我的保护帘。
“是的，阿利莎。”
他终究还是回话了！回应我了！像通常一样及时地回应了！
“扎武隆，我遇到麻烦了！”
“我知道了。我很遗憾。”
我一下子没明白，这个冷冰冰的“知道了”是什么意思。不明白这种模糊不清的语调，不明白为何感觉不到力量的出现……他总是与我分享力量，哪怕在我不是那么需要力量时……
“扎武隆，我会死吗？”
“我很遗憾。”
我的保护帘融化了，可我仍然弄不清所发生的事。
因为他可以干预的！哪怕是远距离干预！他的那份力量足以支持我，使我在冲突中坚持住，使决斗成为平局！
“扎武隆，你说过，爱情是——伟大的力量！”
“难道对此你还不确信吗？永别了，我的小姑娘。”
直到现在我才明白了一切。
随着我力量的耗尽，无形的挤压又一次冲击着我，把我挤向温暖的黄昏界深处。
“伊戈尔！”我大叫一声，可是翻卷的海浪吞没了我的声音。
我游了五十米左右。他看都没看我这个方向。他在哭泣，但是大海中是没有眼泪的位置的。
我被拖着，拖着，拖向黑暗的无底的深渊。
怎么会这样……怎么会这样……
我试图从岸上收集力量。可是那儿几乎没有我可以获得的黑暗力量。甜美的狂喜，欢快的叫喊声——这不适合我。
在我和伊戈尔身后只有百米左右的地方，不知怎么发现我们进入到水中，于是跟随着我们的那个爱上我的倒霉的半大少年，试图躺在浪花上去揉他抽筋的腿，但是一切都是徒然。那个有着可笑的名字马卡尔的高傲的小家伙已经明白他不可能游回到岸边了。
爱情——伟大的力量……小男生们，当你们恋爱时，你们是多么愚蠢啊……
马卡尔在涌上来的恐惧中手忙脚乱地挣扎着……我可以抓住他的恐惧，让我自己的濒死状态再延续一两分钟……
伊戈尔在使劲儿游。周围的一切他什么也看不见，什么也听不到，什么也感觉不出，一心想着是我杀死了他的爱情。他这个愚蠢的光明魔法师，不知道决斗中没有胜者，特别是如果这决斗是由扎武隆策划的……
“伊戈尔……”我轻声地呼唤着，潜入水中，感觉到黑洞洞的天空挤压、挤压、挤压着我——一直把我挤向漆黑、漆黑漆黑之底。
爸爸，对不起……我不能游过这大海……
Notes: 中的主人公。
Notes: 中的主人公。