Chapter 2 The first chapter goes out of Guomen and looks directly, but sees mounds and graves—the bones of the end of the Eastern Han Dynasty are scattered

"Since you are someone who wants to write history, then..." As Zhao Zhi said, he picked up a letter out of thin air with the index and middle fingers of his right hand. It needs to be explained that it took me a long time to get used to this action—some unusual things suddenly and naturally appeared in his hand. superior.A few clear big characters on the slip glistened in the sunlight: "Book of Ji Han·Records of Emperor Zhaolie". "This is a historical manuscript that I have never shown to anyone." I couldn't restrain my surprise. Zhao Zhi waved his hand to stop my doubts: "Time is very precious, at least for you. Therefore, I hope you will try not to waste time in amazement and doubts about what I have done." He is reserved and lonely With a smile, "Weird power and confusion, I don't say anything. You just have to believe that what I show you is the 'truth' that really existed."

Of course I don't believe it, and no normal person would be convinced of it from the start. "The person who wrote history..." Zhao Zhi read these words again in a chant-like tone. I was immersed in the sense of vicissitudes behind this term, and for a while I didn't realize that this was a new title for me.However, his next sentence made me unable to remain indifferent: "At present, you are not very suitable for writing history." Ignoring my indignation, he continued on his own: "Ji Han Shu? What about the other two countries?" When it came to history, I immediately forgot about the strange things just now, and seriously debated with him: "Of course we should also write about Wei and Wu, but there can be many countries, but there is only one orthodox dynasty."

"This is why I said that you are not suitable for writing history." Zhao Zhi smiled happily, "Well, I suddenly thought that I should take you to see something first." "Close your eyes."... "It's fine." When I opened my eyes, what I saw was the battlefield. There are at least 150,000 troops in front of me, and their uniforms are exactly the same as the Han army I saw in Chengdu, but I can clearly feel that the same crimson uniform covers two completely different military spirits. Every Han soldier in Chengdu is full of enthusiasm and pride. They firmly believe that they are the last savior and protector of the Han Dynasty. This sense of honor overwhelms the desire for merit and the fear of death; Exudes an uncontrollable frenzied atmosphere: the thirst for blood and killing, the desire for merit, and the heartfelt disgust and fear of the enemy... If the Han army in Chengdu is fiery red, then this army is It is blood red.

Zhao Zhi appeared next to me without warning, as if he knew what I was thinking—and soon after, he confirmed that as long as he wanted to, he could indeed see into my every moment of my mind.He said: "Don't doubt, this is the real Han army. Look back at you and you will understand." Then he added: "Don't worry, we don't belong to this era. a piece of dust." Looking back, I understood what he meant. The army on the other side, no, it was not an army. It was about 50,000 men, women, and children gathered in a disorderly manner, with sticks, spades and shovels in their hands. A young and strong man holds a knife and a gun.The only thing they have in common is a yellow scarf on their foreheads.

Seeing this symbol that had been lost for nearly a hundred years, I looked at Zhao Zhi in shock: "Yellow scarf?!" "That's right, 'now' is the first year of Zhongping (AD 184), and 'here' is Quyang." He said with a half-smile, "According to 'big men', you should call them 'moth thieves', right? Is it?" I focus on the scene in this legend, and I have no time to pay attention to the irony in his words. Facing the murderous sea of ​​swords and halberds, the yellow-faced, emaciated and disheveled Yellow Turban soldiers not only did not flinch in the slightest, but there was a hint of arrogance on everyone's face.Several messengers of the Han army shouted: "General Huangfu's order, the leader of the thief, Zhang Liang, has been executed, and those who surrender will not die!" No one answered, and there was a deep sigh from the middle army of the Han army. Thousands of elites pressed against the 50,000 remnants.

This was a one-sided massacre. When tens of thousands of people were forced to retreat to the north bank of Qushui, the Han army slowed down their offensive.This time, before the call to surrender came out, an old and high-pitched singing voice suddenly rang out from among the yellow turban soldiers: "The sky is dead, and the yellow sky should be established! The year is Jiazi, and the world will be blessed!" The remaining Yellow Turban soldiers ignored their hunger. , Fatigue and pain should go together.So facing the dawn, accompanied by the cry of "the sky is dead, the yellow sky should stand", under the astonished eyes of countless Han soldiers, the surviving yellow scarf soldiers, no, the people fighting for freedom threw themselves into Qushui without hesitation. In the torrent.

After that, I just watched the Han army clean up the battlefield. They groped on the corpses of the Yellow Turban army and their comrades like scavenged hyenas, looting all their belongings.When the naked corpses piled up higher and higher until they completely covered the sunlight on my head, Zhao Zhi said, "History writers, do you understand what I want to say?" To my ears, the words "history writer" have never been so heavy.I stared fixedly at Zhao Zhi opposite, and felt that he didn't use any strange magic, but was waiting for my answer like an ordinary person. "I think you are right. From the moment when the Yellow Turban Army, no, the people of the Han Dynasty shouted 'Heaven is dead, Huangtian should stand' and risked their lives to resist, the Han Dynasty has essentially perished. Our country, It's just one of the new sprouts growing on this rotting corpse." This is the conclusion I came to after tortured my heart.

Zhao Zhi smiled. At this moment, his smile was no longer a sneer that penetrated the world, but a bright smile, so bright that it perfectly matched a young man with his appearance (?). "Chen Shou, it seems that you can really write history." He said. That's exactly the highest compliment I've come to expect. Mr. Qiao also talked to me about the same hope many times, accepting and sculpting history with my hands, and passing it down from generation to generation. But at this moment, I had no joy: "Then we Han people, have we always lived in lies? Are we desperately trying to revive such a cruel and corrupt dynasty?"

"No, no, no." Zhao Zhi shook his hand, his expression and tone returned to the previous cynical, "There is no need to go to the other extreme. The Han Dynasty was once powerful and prosperous, and the people under its rule once lived a happy and peaceful life—— If I have a chance in the future, I will take you to see it. You want to revive, no, it should be said that you have created such a dynasty. However, this is not the point for you, the person who writes history." Speaking of this, he The conversation changed: "Have you heard of the vision of Prime Minister Zhuge going to heaven when he died of illness in Wuzhangyuan?"

Of course, everyone in the Han Dynasty has heard that when the prime minister died, a red star fell into the Han camp, and the three casts rose again.This kind of question does not need to be answered, so I just wait quietly for his next words. "You may wish to regard the Yellow Turban Rebellion as the sunset of the Han Dynasty, after which China was shrouded in darkness. It is this night sky without sun and moon that gave the stars a chance to shine. Countless stars are trying to burn themselves, trying to illuminate the night. Yours How unfortunate is Han...how lucky is it that what shines on it and its people is the brightest and last one in a hundred years." I doubt that at this moment I saw the tears that flashed in Zhao Zhi's eyes , but he didn't give me a chance to freeze and capture it.Zhao Zhi continued in a faint voice, "It's not yet time to hand him over to you. Many times, a person who is too great can completely dominate your thoughts and vision, so that the superstars fall behind, and there is no one who is shining enough. The trajectory guides the lives of the survivors, and people can only grope in the bleak night with the peripheral vision of their memory. The problem is," he said with a blink of his eyes, pointing at me, "for a history writer, there is only this kind of The field of view is not good. You have to see the entire starry sky."

I suddenly remembered the conversation I had with Mr. Qiao a long time ago. "Sir, since you think I am suitable to write a biography for Prime Minister Zhuge, why don't you ever talk about the prime minister with me? Besides, you have worked with the prime minister all year round, so isn't it more suitable to write a biography for him?" The husband refused to explain further, but said: "It is because you have never met the prime minister that you are more suitable for this than me." The whole... starry sky?Boundless and dazzling.Not only seeing it, but can I really hold it and lead it from the distant sky to the bamboo?Facing this vast and boundless responsibility, I once again felt my own insignificance, and Zhao Zhi nodded to me. I smiled gratefully at him. ... With this smile, I suddenly realized that I was sitting safely in the small room, holding a wet wolf hair, "Ji Hanshu · Emperor Zhaolie Ji" was spread on the table in front of me, and Zhao Zhi was sitting beside me. beside.At this time, the door was knocked loudly, and Qiao Ji urged outside: "Mr. Chen, it's time to eat!" "Yes, right away." I rubbed my eyes, "Is it just a dream?" "Everything you see is true." Zhao Zhi smiled. "So, what's the meaning of the four-line song of the Yellow Turban Army?" I asked. "Ah, this is a very good topic!" Zhao Zhi became excited, "Few people know the exact meaning of 'Cangtian', they superficially think it is a general term for the Han Dynasty. As early as Emperor Shun of the Han Dynasty, there were Taoist priests Gong Chongxian's "Taiping Jing", the book says that the Han Dynasty gained the virtue of fire. According to the theory that the five elements produce restraint, fire produces earth, and the next dynasty that replaces the Han Dynasty will be Tude; and in the five elements, wood produces fire and wood restrains earth, so The prosperity of the wood means the Han Dynasty, the color of the wood is blue, the "sky" represents the luck of the Han Dynasty, and the "heaven is dead" means that the luck of the great man is coming to an end..." "A show-off." I murmured, determined to dampen his ecstasy, "Okay! Put away those ghostly symbols. To tell you the truth, I didn't plan to write Five Elements in my history books." "You...close your eyes." He was a little annoyed. "I'm not going anywhere..." In fact, I had no choice at all when he said those three words. "...it's ok" I saw a middle-aged man in a quinoa stick robe and a yellow scarf wiping his forehead lit a piece of talisman paper. After it was burned out, he carefully put away the ashes of the paper and carefully dissolved it in a bowl of water.This is obviously a member of the Five Dou Rice Sect."Hanzhong", an important place in the Han Dynasty, was once the base of the Wudoumi religion advocated Lu.In order to completely get rid of the influence of these feigned tricks, Emperor Zhaolie and Prime Minister Zhuge took a lot of effort.I originally wanted to express my disdain for the scene in front of me, but when I saw the pious attitude of the middle-aged man's follower when he took the "fushui", it was hard to utter ironic words. "This is……" "The ghost painting talisman you mentioned." Zhao Zhi said. The believers drank the talisman water, and their complexion improved a lot. Zhao Zhi continued: "The talisman is nothing special, and the water is a medicine for the disease. The problem is not here. I have no intention of preaching Taoism or medical skills. Those who are ambitious, pretend to be ghosts and gods, and incite the people are evil spirits, and in the last days when the people are struggling to survive," he pointed to the middle-aged man—Zhang Jiao, and said slowly and forcefully, "What he gave to the people was not talisman water, but It’s hope.” Since then, I have never criticized Zhao Zhi’s beliefs, and I am determined not to write Wuxingzhi, because I really don’t understand. During that time, I frequently traveled through unimaginable time and space, and Zhao Zhi was like a naughty boy who found a playmate with great difficulty, taking his sudden interest as the only criterion—at least I think so, dragging me around , so that I missed the opportunity to ask Mr. Qiao about the current situation time and time again.My husband said that he was going to do something that would be disrespectful to the world, and I repeatedly wanted to do it shoulder to shoulder with him: even if I didn't know what it was, Zhao Zhi always interrupted me talking to himself. "That's not your concern," he pointed out with great arrogance. "Don't try to use me as a puppet!" I was quite annoyed. "Really? You think so?" He scratched his head. "That's right! It's still a puppet who doesn't care about its feelings at all! At least, can you tell me where and when you want to take me in advance in the future!" I complained. "Oh. But," he was very happy to see my embarrassment, "it's more real if you're not mentally prepared! For example——" This time, he didn't even say "close your eyes". Hey, wait!Isn't this... I recognized the man in front of me, he was the general of the Han Dynasty in the Battle of Quyang: Huangfusong.I once thought he was a famous general and loyal minister at the end of the Han Dynasty, the last pillar of the Han Dynasty, but after witnessing the fierce decisive battle between the Han army and the Yellow Turban army, I just wanted to punch this executioner hard in the face.I punched through Huangfusong's head with all my strength, no, it was an illusion of the head, and then I lost my center of gravity and fell forward.Zhao Zhi sneered from behind: "If you want to have a real fight, you must apply to me in advance. Otherwise, we are just illusions without entities in this time and space." "You brought me here to see what this guy is doing?" "The history you want to write," Zhao Zhi said lightly, "In the final analysis, it is still a 'person', and people are not simply symbols of good and evil." He said what was on my mind, "Actually, you don't have to have a psychological gap. Huangfu Song is indeed a pillar and an executioner. Have you heard this ballad? "The world is in chaos, the market is a ruin, the mother can't protect the child, the wife loses her husband, and Huangfu can live in peace." After suppressing the Yellow Turban Army, Huangfu Song served as the governor of Jizhou , he is an upright official, guards the land and loves the people, so the common people make up songs to praise him." "Everyone will do some contradictory things." Zhao Zhi frowned, "But people who do such contradictory things will have some struggles in their hearts, such as your teacher Qiao Yunnan. But this Huangfu... this Man's life is pure white and undefiled, and his heart is astonishingly majestic. I've never seen anything like it, and I can't fully understand its existence. How about you? Can you try to explain ?" I was silent for a while, and said: "What I knew before was that the Yellow Turban Bandits were a group of thugs who wanted to rebel. General Huangfu suppressed them to maintain the safety of the Han Dynasty. But it was not just because of this that I admired him at first." "Oh?" "Someone once advised him to rebel." "Really?" Zhao Zhi was aroused. "After Huangfu Song cleaned up the Yellow Turban Rebellion, he held the military power and became famous all over the world. At that time, the heroes of the world rose together, and the Han Dynasty was on the verge of collapse. Yan Zhong, a Hanyang native, persuaded the emperor to replace him. In terms of Huangfu's reputation and strength, even if he could not control In the whole world, at least the central government can be tightly controlled. But he flatly rejected Yan Zhong, and continued to be the last loyal minister of the Han Dynasty, running around for the hopeless court..." I hesitated, "Don't you Do you think this is a bit...like Prime Minister Zhuge?" Zhao Zhi nodded and sighed: "I can understand why you are so resentful towards him. It must be the feeling of being deceived by someone you trust and respect." He was spying on my thoughts again.I was too lazy to care about it, and continued: "I think the core of Confucianism pursued by the Han Dynasty is 'benevolence', which means 'caring'; In terms of concern, no matter how legitimate the reason for the Yellow Turban Army is, they are destroying the original order after all, and Huangfu, who is in the original order, has the responsibility to maintain order, so he can suppress the rebels without mercy, and he can fight against the rebels without hesitation. Abandon your personal ambitions and do your best to maintain the dynasty. Once the order is restored, as a true hero, the suffering of the people will naturally arouse Huangfu's inner benevolence, so it is only natural to run for the people. Just like Prime Minister Zhuge said, um, I heard it, did he really say it? 'One man is mortal, all are guilty.'” "He said it." Zhao Zhi let out a long sigh of relief, "Really? Always follow the most basic righteous way, so that you can keep your heart open and bright, so you don't have any confusion. It's a touching answer. This is also... He smiled. "You can understand what I can't." The Nightmare Master and I, no matter how close we are, essentially live in two worlds. At this time, a burly general in uniform broke into Huangfusong's house with many followers. "Who is this black fat man?" Inadvertently, I used Zhao Zhi's way of speaking. "The legendary Dong Zhuo." He replied casually and even contemptuously. The murderous soldiers filled the room, Dong Zhuo sat down with his legs spread apart as if no one else was there, stared at Huangfu Song who was still sitting upright for a while, clapped his hands and laughed, "Old friend, are you scared of me now?" Huangfusong's voice was calm: "I'm afraid that you will cause chaos to the country if you don't take the right path." Zhao Zhi and I looked at each other and smiled.I believe that compared with Huangfusong, Zhao Zhi can understand Dong Zhuo's affairs better, and the two have similarities in essence.Because of his extraordinary power, he indulges every desire in his heart, and the distinction between justice and evil becomes meaningless under the background of "power".For a long time, Dong Zhuo, the warlord of Xiliang, was the nightmare of the Han Dynasty. He made the blood boil in the cauldron and the head rolled in the hot soup.He indulged his soldiers to ruin the glorious capital, he squeezed the young and cowardly emperor like a chicken, and did something that loyal officials could not tolerate-depose the emperor and establish a new emperor! "Should Liu Xie be grateful to him or should he hate him?" Zhao Zhi smiled playfully, "If there is no Dong Zhuo, I am afraid it will not be Liu Xie's turn to end the four hundred years of Han Dynasty, and this sad task will fall on the young emperor Liu Bian. Chen Shou," he ignored the conversation between Dong Zhuo and Huangfusong. They seemed to him to be resurrected dead people. There was no need to glance at them. Zhao Zhi said, "I witnessed Liu Bian's death with my own eyes. You were expelled from the throne of the Son of Heaven and demoted to Hongnong King, but you still couldn't escape the ending of death. I hope you can keep a fuller and happier heart, so I don't plan to let you experience the scene of death for the time being. Dong Zhuo's confidant Li Ru poured a cup of The poisoned wine was put in front of Liu Bian, and Li Ru said, "Drink it, you can drive away evil spirits and avoid filth."" Zhao Zhi's voice was very straight and thrilling at the same time. "How difficult is it for me to change the way of heaven! Abandon ten thousand rides and retreat to defend the vassal. Rebellious ministers see oppression and do not prolong their lives, and the dead will go to you and you are suitable for Youxuan..." Zhao Zhidao, "When the young emperor was dying, he sang such a song. Then He was eighteen years old." The dynasty ended on a pile of bones. Dong Zhuo and Huangfusong are also scattered parts of the pile of bones. "He died in a political murder planned by his confidant Wang Yun. I mean Dong Zhuo," Zhao Zhi said leisurely. "After his death, he was brutally murdered in Chang'an. Everyone can't wait to eat a piece of his flesh..." "At least one exception." I interrupted suddenly. Zhao Zhi was startled, and smiled: "That's right, I didn't expect you to even know this." "You underestimate me," I said. "Actually, I'm a bit troubled..." "what?" "Should Cai Yong's biography be attached to Dong Zhuo's post, or should it be placed in the scribe's biography?" I tried to get some advice from Zhao Zhi.When people scrambled to express their contempt and hatred for the dead Dong Zhuo, Cai Yong, a great talent, caressed the corpse and wailed with all his might, so he was considered to be part of Dong Zhuo's party and was executed by Wang Yun. "Implicit, unprovoked implicated!" I sighed. "In the biography of scribes, who do you want to put Cai Bojie (Yong) with?" Zhao Zhi made a move, holding a pot of small wine out of thin air!This is extremely rare.The Han Kingdom has been in a state of war for many years, and all resources have been pooled to serve the unification war. Private use of grain to make wine is strictly prohibited, and this restriction is just a dead letter to Zhao Zhi.The smell of wine made me lick my lips. I replied: "Chen Lin, Wang Can..." "It's a joke in the world." Zhao Zhi threw down the jug, "How can you put pink and dark gray together?" "You said Cai Yong was pink?" I felt incredible, "Didn't you say I was black?" "Oh?" Zhao Zhi looked at me with interest, "Do you think he is also a history writer?" When he said these words, I was in the study I was familiar with for an instant, which made it easy for me to dig out the records from a pile of ancient letters. "Look," I pointed, "this is what people said when they begged him at that time. They said that he might as well be spared the death penalty, and let him write the history of the later Han Dynasty like Sima Qian..." "Heh, Chen Shou, your opinions always come from objective, but I do often make judgments purely subjective." Zhao Zhi smiled, "Tell me, what kind of person is Cai Bojie in your eyes?" "Mr. Cai..." I chose words carefully, "He is recognized as the number one calligrapher, musician, and writer in the world, and a first-rate scholar of Confucian classics and historians. No post-Han literati can match him. He objected Dong Zhuo's tyrannical power is brutal, but he also deeply appreciates Dong Zhuo's kindness, so it's so, so inappropriate to caress the corpse and cry." "That's right." Zhao Zhi casually said, "It doesn't conflict with him being a 'pink' person, you know, I'm always attracted to gorgeous life, Cai Yong's talent is quite gorgeous, but he uses Fuliwen in He made friends and praised him tirelessly. Dong Zhuo recruited him for nothing more than to decorate his appearance. Cai Bojie’s life was just to decorate others and himself. How can this kind of person deserve to write a record of shining stars? "Yun," Zhao Zhi's tone turned solemn, which is the tone he used when talking about someone he couldn't look down on, "he is a resolute man." "He attached great importance to the killing of Cai Yong, he rejected the pleadings of countless people, and he did not hesitate to bear the charges of 'self-willed', 'jealous of talents', 'public revenge' and other crimes to kill this world's number one celebrity , drive this most conspicuous touch of pink out of the troubled times, completely eradicate the doomsday glitz that emphasizes articles and despise righteousness, and let people know what to do instead of what to say. By the way," Zhao Zhi casually threw me a Little Wine Gourd said lightly, "Did you know that Cai Yong has another apprentice?" "Well?" "It was Gu Yong, the later prime minister of Eastern Wu." Seeing my flustered appearance of spraying all the wine on my front, Zhao Zhi smiled with satisfaction: "Unexpected?" That Gu Yong?That taciturn Gu Yong who seldom interacts with others?That Gu Yong who doesn't drink alcohol and doesn't like partying?That Gu Yong who devoted himself to government affairs and served as prime minister for nineteen years?The old-fashioned guy who was evaluated by Sun Quan as "with this person present, everyone will not be happy", could he be the apprentice of the most famous person in the world?It is indeed unimaginable. "Actually, the 'Yong' in 'Gu Yong' is the 'Yong' in 'Cai Yong'," Zhao Zhi explained, "Cai Yong thinks that this student is the one who inherits his own music and calligraphy, so he even gave him his name. Gu Yong's character 'Yuan Tan' was also taken to commemorate the teacher's admiration. After Cai Yong died, Gu Yong abandoned the piano book and devoted himself to government affairs, and he became what everyone knows." I see.I have to agree with Zhao Zhi's point of view, the pink and empty Cai Yong is really not suitable to be caught in the world where men should be promising, but it's a pity his article. "Article?" Zhao Zhi rudely took over my thoughts again, "What did he write?" I was taken aback.Zhao Zhi snorted through his nose: "If you can't say it in response, it means nothing special. What is handed down is just the magnificent symbol of 'Cai Yong' and a false name of being able to write. The words that can carry the times may not be gorgeous, let alone come from A scribe's hand, such as..." ""Teacher List"." I rushed to say.These three words seem to contain the power of a curse, which can fill the Han people with warmth and hope.I also firmly believe that the spirit represented by these three characters will transcend the rise and fall of the dynasty and integrate into the soul of the entire Chinese nation. ""Teacher List"..." Zhao Zhi raised his face and took a deep breath, "how should I put it, it's not time to narrate and discuss it. I must first give you the scattered things outside my soul, I'm sure When you can bear my expectations, I will hand over to you Chang Geng, Ziwei, Beichen, and all the light that makes me unable to extricate myself. Then you will be able to truly grasp the pulse of the entire starry sky, birth, soar...fall. " His rare fascination and trance made me almost forget that my confusion was not resolved: "How to write about Cai Yong?" I asked again. "If you don't write him, it's over? Anyway, he died early, and he is not an unavoidable figure in your history of the Three Kingdoms. Let the person who writes the history of the Later Han solve this problem in the future." Zhao Zhi is sly. Although this is a very irresponsible approach, I don't mind being lazy on this issue. At this time, the door of the study was pushed open, Mr. Qiao walked in, nodded to me and Zhao Zhi, he looked so tired, I temporarily put Zhao Zhi aside, and asked: "Mr. Is it?" He still couldn't relax his body and whispered: "No, it's just the beginning." I muttered, wondering if I could ask him what kind of burden he was carrying, and whether I could help him share it, Zhao Zhi But he laughed lightly. "Shall I tell you?" he asked directly. "No, no need." I flatly refused.I am grateful to him for showing me the long history of the past, but I resist his use of strange power to participate in the current life, which will make me feel the insignificance and absurdity of life, as if no matter how hard I try, it is just a helpless game. "Let Mr. Zhao talk." To my surprise, Mr. Qiao waved his hand, "This is also something that should be told to Cheng Zuo, but I hope you don't ask me any questions after hearing this, and don't ask me any questions. Opinion, that," the gentleman took a long breath, "is not what I need." Zhao Zhi patted Mr. Qiao on the shoulder in a "comforting" way. He smiled and said, "Qiao Yunnan persuaded the emperor to surrender the whole country." surrender? !I was stunned.That's right, the subjugation of the country is inevitable, but didn't my husband teach me to be loyal and follow death?How can we persuade His Majesty to bend his knees and bow his head to the enemy, and hand over this country, which was created and guarded by Emperor Zhaolie and Prime Minister Zhuge together? ! "Sir!" I yelled fiercely. "I can't stand you..." Zhao Zhizhi took me away from the city of Chengdu in the first year of Yanxing. I don't know where he will take me this time. When, who, where? hell! "Send me back!" I struggled. Zhao Zhi held my shoulder tightly, and I noticed a trace of sadness floating between his brows.After a long while, he sighed and said: "What are you going to do? To persuade Qiao Zhou to change his mind? It's meaningless. He has already made a proposal to surrender in public at the temple, and he was ready to be slaughtered before he spoke. Prepare, I'm glad—of course, in my opinion, it's only natural that he came back alive. Or do you plan to reprimand him with righteous words? As an upright disciple, accuse Mr. Chen of lack of morality? Chen Shou, Real historians don’t rush to comment on a person before they know them, so Tai Shi Gong’s historical commentary is always placed after the biography. I’m too excited, Chen Shou, it’s not good to be excited.” "I—I don't want to write sir as a traitor!" I roared. "You don't need to write like this." Zhao Zhi didn't let up the force of his palm to restrain my anger, "He's just very unfortunate. Qiao Yunnan knows what's going on in the 'Brilliant Han Kingdom', he used to be Zhishili Xinran One of the happy people, now a mourner in troubled times." Zhao Zhi said the word "mourner" very slowly. "Let me go..." I said. "..." "Let go of me," I said, "I'm better." "You can stand taller." After saying that, Zhao Zhi let go. I relaxed and squatted on the ground. "I'm a coward," my voice was soft, mixed with nameless tears, "I'm actually lucky to be brought into another time and space by you at this time, so as to avoid the grief and despair I should have borne. In my heart, Except for the shining legendary memory, the Han Kingdom did not give me any favors, Zhao Zhi, do you know? Two days ago, I even thought that I would not refuse to serve in an enemy country... Of course, I also hope that the country will have someone who can show their strength , then I will be one of the responders, and maybe I will join many warriors and take advantage of the 'opportunity' of subjugation to enter the hero's ambition. Is this ridiculous?" I never told the second person these thoughts. "Sacrificing one's life? That's a very generous thing." Zhao Zhi didn't smile, "But what do you want me to do? I don't have the patience to look for another person, and take him through the world. So, even for me," he said He said softly, "Let's live too. The deaths I know are too many, too frequent, and too hateful. Alas, Changsheng is actually very helpless, 'go out and see nothing, bones cover the plain'." He recited Wang Can's "Seven Sorrows".I suddenly remembered that he said Wang Can was gray. "Gray is a gloomy and sad color." Probably wanting to quickly drag me out of the matter about Mr. Qiao, Zhao Zhi hastily started to narrate my momentary thoughts, "Wang Can is also one of the mourners in troubled times. But Not all mourners are the same color, just like not all historians are black, I always thought Sima Qian was peacock blue...bringing you here is indeed something to show you. I promise you won't Regret. It was a unique, fiery life." "he is……?" "You should be able to guess." He pointed to a mansion not far away. "Master Sikong, can you take a break?" A man in ancient clothes with a high crown and elegant appearance asked in front of the door. The door officer knew that this gentleman must have some serious business to ask for an interview overnight, so he didn't dare to be negligent, so he quickly replied: "Your Excellency, you have read the official documents until the first shift, and then you have dinner." He opened the door and looked at him suspiciously Behind the man are two young men.Noticing the door officer's wink, the man explained casually: "These are the two great sages who have come to join the lord." Zhao Zhi pulled my sleeve, and we followed the three into the mansion. There is no furnishings in the large hall, a thin figure with his back to the hall door, sitting on an old mat with his knees hugged, the wine jug on the table in front of him drips a drop of liquid from time to time, obviously empty. The man who was already a bit drunk didn't seem to sense that others had entered, he let out a long howl, the sound became clearer and longer, even though he was in the world of mortals ten feet away, it made people feel a wave of wildness rushing towards him, suddenly , The whistle turned from high to low, extremely sad and gloomy.The three people who entered were stunned when the man waved his left hand and knocked the dishes on the table to the ground, removed his right wooden clog with his right hand, and sang a song: "Only the twenty-second emperor of the Han Dynasty, his integrity is not good. Wash the monkey and wear the crown, know the small and seek the frontier. Hesitate and dare not break, because he hunts the king. The white rainbow is the sun, and he will suffer first. The thief ministers hold the handle of the country, kill the lord and destroy Yujing. Destroy the emperor's foundation, the ancestral temple Funeral with burnt. Sowing and moving to the west, weeping and walking. Looking at the city of Piluo, the little one mourns!" The tune is one of the funeral songs customized by Li Yannian, the musician of Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty: the first half of the chapter "Xielu", the lyrics are quite different from ordinary elegy.I frowned and muttered to myself, this short number of dots has exhausted the end-time scene of disordered courts and sycophants since the Yellow Turban.The singing is still going on, and the second half of "Haoli" is more heroic and open-minded than the exciting and desolate first chapter. The man sang: "There are righteous men in the Kanto, and they raise troops to fight against the gangsters. At the beginning of the alliance, the heart is in Xianyang. The army is not united. , Hesitating and flying geese. Snobbery makes people fight, and the heirs kill each other. The title of Huainan's younger brother is engraved in the north. The armor is full of lice, and the surnames die. , It’s heartbreaking to think about it.” "It's so proud." I couldn't help sighing, "I'm proud but contemptuous, contemptuous and frustrating." "Wan surname died," Zhao Zhi repeated, "with undisguised compassion! I always feel that he is somewhat similar to Zhuge Kongming, although they are two completely different types of people." The singing stopped. The hall was as silent as death for a while, but everyone's ears were still filled with the reverberation of Huang Zhong Dalu. In my eyes, the slender figure in front of me seemed to be growing vigorously, trying to break through the empty hall until it stood upright. At this time, a young man who followed in the hall muttered to himself: "It's my lord." Hearing the sound of people, the man drinking and singing turned around and saw the three of them. A flash of surprise flashed in his eyes. He kicked off the clogs on the other foot casually and stood up to greet him: "Mr. Xun has worked hard. These two are Xun You Xun Gongda and Guo Jia, Guo Fengxiao, right? Dare I ask, what do you two think of the elegy Cao wrote just now for the end of the Han Dynasty?" I suddenly understood: this person—is actually Cao Cao! "Cao Cao", an evil name that frightened the land of the Han Dynasty for decades. In the education that the Han people received since childhood, Cao Cao, like Dong Zhuo, was the root of all disasters at the end of the Han Dynasty.Powerful, tyrannical, cruel, cunning, ambitious, and unscrupulous, he slaughtered rebels, oppressed obedients, and conquered opponents, making the emperor tremble under his authority, and ordered the queen to be pulled from her hiding place by her hair. He was dragged out of the wall and killed. In essence, he completely replaced the vain emperor of Han, but he hypocritically refused to be emperor. Without any psychological preparation, seeing "Cao Cao" - Emperor Zhaolie's lifelong enemy - a side that was unknown before, at least not to me, I couldn't help but stand in the hall, and murmured for a long time : "This song...is so good..." After chewing on the lyrics just now, I suddenly had an urge, an urge to go back to the shabby room and burn all my manuscripts!My ten-thousand-word article babbling about vicissitudes and changes in the past few decades is not as good as the one-hundred-word lament of the person in front of me after drinking! He turned out to be Cao Cao. "Belittle yourself." Nightmare Master chuckled, "Your words have different meanings and cannot be replaced by each other." As a recorder of history, I understand the meaning of this sentence better than Zhao Zhi, but the sense of defeat as a literati still keeps hitting me. "That's right," Zhao pointed directly at Cao Cao, "Almost everyone will feel this way. I have seen in my life, only two people can be so knowledgeable in all kinds of arts. In front of them, almost everyone will find that their talents It's not as good as the other person's hobbies. The difference is that the person you and I are more familiar with, his talent gives people an incredible sense of security. But this person... gives people too strong a sense of oppression." He frowned, " It's like fire." "fire?" “对，火……张扬自由。一方面，它的破坏力与侵略性，多么叫人畏惧；另一方面，它带来的光明和温暖，对寒夜里的跋涉者又有无比的吸引力。于是大家聚拢来，试图把火点得更旺。而有的人，”赵直冲刚才进来的三个人抬抬下巴，此时他们已结束了和曹操的交谈，荀攸与郭嘉的脸上都露出了满意坚定的神色，“甚至将自身也投入火中，成为它的燃料。” “燃料”是个很奇怪的比喻，可想想面前几个人的人生，我又感到无法反驳。我问：“那么'火'本身呢？除了对其他存在产生莫大影响之外，'火'本身又是如何？” 赵直脸上第一次出现“敬畏”之色，他慢慢道：“我根本看不透他。” “看不透”，我无法相信这三个字出自赵直之口。 “是啊，他正是一团火，在肆烈张狂地燃烧着人生。你可以想象吗？他能不畏惧死亡的威胁在都城杖杀宦官的叔父，能在逃亡时仅仅因为'怀疑'残杀故人满门；一面求贤若渴、一饭三吐脯、一沐三握发，一面又挖空心思地找借口杀害智谋之士；他剿灭了袁绍满门，可他去哭奠袁本初这位故友时，没人能说他不够真诚；他一面说国家无我，不知几人称帝、几人称王，一面坚定不移地登上王位，以至为此把多年的至交荀文若逼入幽冥；而方才那首歌……歌里有道不尽的悲悯情怀，这并不阻碍他屠戮一座又一座阻拦他前行的城池。我知道——”我想插话，赵直却毫不客气地拦住了我，他继续道，“一直以来，在世人眼里，或者这正是他虚伪、残忍的表现，所以人们认为'奸雄'这个词，足够拿来为他定性。然而在我看来，他在做所有这些事时，'心'都异常真率，是内心的真情推动他完成每一件事，而不存在什么目的性，也许，他整个儿的人生都不存在'目的'，就像是……” "what?" 赵直费了很大力气，吐出两个字：“天意。” “天意。”他长出一口气，“天地不仁，以万物为刍狗。太阳不会因为尧舜便格外明亮，也不会因为纣桀而变得晦暗。人们只能徒劳地敬畏它、追随它、推演它、诅咒它，却不能无视或把握住它。” 世上怎么会有这样的人呢？ 赵直的神色越发迷惘：“在这注定要成为传奇的时代里，我能看到无数闪耀生命的轨迹与走向。关羽将军会成为守护百姓的神明，诸葛丞相会成为士人千年的偶像……而这个人的生前身后，始终是一个无法剖解的谜团。” “这倒不是难事。”我沉思了一会儿，道，“对这个谜团，写史的人有史家的解决办法，那就是做史家最基本的工作，把他的一生全面而客观、尽量客观地纪录下来，也尽量避免去做任何评判。且把解读这个'非常之人'的任务与权利交给后人，他们一定会热衷于此，不是么？” “我估计他们会热衷读解你书写的一切，你若能听到他们的种种解释，不免哑然失笑。”赵直换上嘲弄的神情。 “我还有个问题想问一问你。”我正色道，“你为什么选择跟随诸葛丞相而不是曹操？我以为你只会追随最强大的力。” 赵直摇摇头：“我没有说'火'是最强大的，我也并非如你所说，把'力量'作为裁定行为方向的唯一标准。” “那你更重要的标准是？” 他微微笑了，没有回答我。 汉国将灭，这是路人皆知的事实。 讽刺的是，作为一名史官，国家灭亡的那一刻意味着我的人生正式开始。我所不知道的只是，到时候我还能不能象现在这样安坐在笔墨简牍之中，继续工作。因而我分外珍惜这段尴尬的平静，满足于眼看一行行小隶从我心内流上竹帛。我渐渐盼望在书写时有赵直坐在我身边，虽然对他的很多行止我颇为腹诽，可必须承认他是个绝佳的倾听者乃至裁度者，潜意识里感到，一部能使赵直满意的史书，便是一部既不辜负来者、亦不愧对归人的千古之作。 “有空么？听一听好么？”我扬了扬手里的案牍。 他漫不经心地磨着指甲，轻轻一吹。 “是郑玄！盖代经学大师郑玄的履历。”我并不在意他懒散的态度，“很费了些工夫才整理好。” “越来越罗嗦。”他哼道。 我咳嗽一声，才要开口，赵直已抢在我前面说："自党锢之祸后，郑玄安贫乐道、潜心学术，屡屡拒绝朝廷征召，最终贯通古文、今文经学，创立'郑学'，成为汉朝最伟大的学术大师。 中平二年（185）大将军何进命令州郡官员强行解送郑玄进京。郑玄拒绝接受任何官职，布巾儒服，傲然与杀猪大将军何进会面，次日飘然而去。 中平六年（189）董卓征郑玄为赵国相，不受。 建安二年（197），大将军袁绍表郑玄为左中郎将，婉拒。 建安三年（198年），曹操征郑玄为大司农不就任。 ……直至建安五年（200），郑玄以七十四岁高龄病逝，前后拒绝各个势力的出仕邀请共十四次。 " “学问，这是学问和人品的力量啊。”我赞叹不已。 赵直嗤之以鼻：“有了自我代入感么？冷静下来想一想，郑玄的人品与学问固然值得尊敬，然而事实上当政者之所以优容他，是因为大家都认可他并不属于这个时代。郑玄代表着乱世前的清高士人，清白而专注，为教化世道人心，不遗余力；乱世需要有这么一位纯粹的君子来提醒士人——那些卷入了战争与杀伐的士人们原本的理想，所以郑玄的遗世独立终于被掌权者容忍了。而真正'生活'在乱世的学人，比如荆州的宋忠，也只好帮刘琮起草起草给曹操的降表而已。不光他，谯允南不也……” 我怒目而视，赵直旋即腰斩了他的下半句话。 “闭上眼。” “你个没心没肺的混帐……” "Okay." 天地间的异象吸引了我全部注意力，漆黑天穹正中亮起一点黄光，仿佛一头独眼巨兽从沉眠中苏醒。很快，黄光越来越亮，拖出一道长达数十丈的白色彗尾，如同一条凶蛇蜿蜒扭曲地划过天际，消失在地平线上。 “知道刚才那是什么？” 我当然知道，“天文”是“史家”和“妖人”——我气愤地在心中如此称呼赵直——不多的知识交集之一。 “是传说中的蚩尤旗。”我回答。 与黄帝、炎帝并称华夏三始祖的“蚩尤”是上古九黎族的领袖，在与轩辕族的部落战争中败亡。因为传说他善于作战并发明了金属兵器，蚩尤被尊为“军神”。自秦汉以来，出兵作战之前，必定祭祀蚩尤以求胜利。而在星象学中，黄头白尾的巨大彗星被称为“蚩尤旗”，它的出现，标志着天下将要大乱。 “完全正确。”赵直拍手道。 “不过据我所知，蚩尤旗上一次出现是在汉武帝建元六年（公元前135年），之后汉朝开始对匈奴的大征讨，莫非现在是……？” “不，是初平二年（公元191年）”，赵直仰起头，“一个刀兵的时代。” 一代名士：荆州刺史王睿凝视着属下长沙太守孙坚手中的刀锋，问：“我有什么罪？”孙坚回答：“你的罪在于你不知道时代变了。”手起刀落。 公孙瓒把德高望重的幽州牧刘虞绑到柴堆上，说：“真有天命护佑的话，就让老天下雨来救你吧。”他把火把扔向干柴。 戎装佩剑的司徒王允面对错愕的董卓高呼“有诏讨贼”，身后涌出无数全副武装的士兵。 受缚的吕布喊道：“恭喜明公！有我吕奉先为您效力，天下可定！”曹操淡淡笑了：“难道要我做第二个丁原、董卓吗？”白门楼挂上致命的套索。……一幕幕场景在我眼前掠过，刀兵的时代完全无视人们原有的身份，无论为自保或者为救世，都必须斩倒眼前的敌人。 “真无奈呵。”我不由感慨，“面对气势汹汹的人形虎狼，不持兵相搏就没有生路……” “往好处想、往好处想，横行一时的虎狼对士人进行了严苛的淘汰，活下来的都是有能力、有资格面对乱世的男儿。他们怀抱着实实在在的理想，我们因此才能看到灿烂的群星。而且……”赵直歪歪头，“不只是被迫改变。士人能嗅到乱世将临的气息，他们放开襟怀，承担并且更积极地去雕塑世界。比如……” 我的眼前出现了一幅安宁的生活画卷：一个普通的黄昏，两个老人各自抱着孙子雍容地谈话，意境逐渐高远，老人也就任由两个小孙子跑到一边游嬉去了。 “这是必然被载入史册的画面，”赵直插话，“那两个老人是后汉末年以德望着称的荀淑与陈寔。而在那里玩耍的两个孙子——在蚩尤旗下生活的两个孩子，选择了与祖父截然不同的人生道路，他们一个叫荀彧，一个叫陈群。” 荀彧协助曹操统一了中国北方。 陈群创立九品中正制，重建了中国的行政制度。 “难怪在我们的时代没有留下任何关于蚩尤旗的记载。”我忽然道，“郑先生果然不属于这里，因为他心里没有蚩尤棋。那预兆着动荡战乱的彗星，在……”我按住胸口，“这里。我想，促使士人将内在修养化为外在功业的，绝不是虚无飘渺的星象或天意，而是身为士人的责任感、使命感，心中飞扬蚩尤旗，心中便先自有了天下。”我顿了顿，口气越发坚决，“赵直，我的史书里也不会记录方才目睹的天象，一部不列五行志的史书用不着孜孜捕捉某一种异动，那不是最重要的。群星是出于自己的意志而闪耀，把他们的自由意志归结为不负责的天意拨弄，是对人的轻贱与对英灵的亵渎。” “五丈原的彗星呢？”赵直笑吟吟问。 我略微一怔。星辰恋恋不舍的陨落对应了生命悲壮的沦亡，这简直是太史公笔下的壮烈舞台。可以想象，如此书写的史书，将多么烂漫、瑰丽！可是……我低下头，缓慢而轻声道：“不，即便是五丈原的星光，也不必投映到我写就的历史里。赵直，我们所仰望的，不正是一个无视天命功利、完全遵循着宝贵的'人'道行事的英雄么？” "yes." “他是……什么颜色？”我禁不住问。 赵直用戏弄的眼瞥瞥我：“是否曹操鲜艳的火红给你留下了太深刻的印象？以至于你开始担心孔明生命的色彩不如曹孟德的浓烈、醒目？”真是一语中的。“担心是多余的。”他道，“一方面，不同的人生原本便用不着比较，而比较实在是评判者常常做的一件蠢事；另一方面，陈寿对孔明没有信心吗？哈哈，照我与孔明的交往得知，无论谁为他担忧，他总会一边客客气气表示感谢，一边觉得这毫无必要。写史的人呵，生命之色不像你瞳仁的颜色，并不是一降生便定了型，它需要不断积淀、修炼、搅拌、捏揉……像精心烹饪一道菜肴。与其直接问味道可不可口，不如先去厨房看看它怎么被一步步培植出来。” “带我去厨房看看吧。”我笑道。 “闭上眼。”…… 赵直带我见到目前我最想见的人物之一，也是我近期碰上的大难题之一。我无法在史书里回避这个人：昭烈皇帝与诸葛丞相都曾寄寓其下，汉国对其人的记载却少得可怜。他便是荆州牧“刘表”。 面前，一位三十多岁的男子是典型的“信马游缰”姿态，他双手捧书，专注地阅读，任由坐骑沿着官道缓缓前行。 赵直道：“'现在'是初平元年（公元190年）三月，刘表正在去荆州赴任的路上。” “这么悠闲，真是幸运的人呐。”我道。 “幸运？你这么以为么？” “难道不是？他可是从中央直接被派到荆州来做最高长官的，而且一做就是二十年。” “看来这一趟是来对了。”赵直略带嘲弄地说，“咱们往前走走。” 方才官道上的男子正对着一纸诏书发怔：“荆州牧？想不到我也成了董卓的眼中钉。” 赵直解释：“本来刘表在中央做的是禁卫军指挥，叫什么北……” “北军中候。”官衔的事，我比他更熟悉。 “对！董卓几次拉拢他，可他不大合作，他是宗室又是名士，董卓不敢杀他，正好这时荆州刺史王睿被袁术部将孙坚所杀，董卓就把刘表流放到这个生死难知的险地，让他自生自灭。其实董卓低估了刘表，他将刘表从视界中驱除，却不想给了后者更广阔的舞台。你看——” 赵直指向的景物再度变幻，我看到无数武装的士兵在两个人的率领下来迎接孤身单骑、脸上带了一丝悠然表情的刘表。 “那两个人是荆州大姓蒯越、蒯良兄弟。他们一向敬佩刘表。”赵直说。 "why?" “党锢之祸，你不会连刘表的出身都忘了吧。” 我这才恍然：东汉末年，清流士人坚决对抗专权宦官，又被宦官压制、迫害，因此酿成“党锢之祸”。当时有三十五名士人受到天下的尊重，号称三君（天下宗师）、八俊（人中英杰）、八顾（德高位尊）、八及（导人向善）与八厨（仗义疏财），刘表正是“八顾”之一。他对蒯姓、蔡姓等地方实力派名士的影响是长期投身军旅的董卓无法想象的。 宜城的简陋县衙里，决定日后二十年荆州命运的对话正在继续。 刘表微笑：“你们看到了，我是个没有兵的空头州牧，接下来该怎么办？” 年长的蒯良说：“百姓、豪族之所以不归附，是因为仁义不足，只要您施行仁义，各种势力就会逐渐归附，到时您何愁功业不成？” 年轻些的蒯越扑哧笑了：“太平治世时，躬行仁义自然不错；可身处乱世，只能用权谋清除阻碍。没有实力，谈何仁义？” “实力和仁义，先有鸡还是先有蛋的问题么？”刘表笑着嘀咕，同时做了个决定：“子柔（蒯良之字）的见解，利于长治久安；异度（蒯越之字）的看法，利于解决燃眉之急。”他顿了顿：“咱们就分这么两步走。”……于是，在赵直的引领下，我看着荆州牧刘表向大小割据武装发了请贴，言辞极尽谦卑，宣称自己力浅德薄，才不称职，希望大家赴宴共商州事。他用来招待欣然来会的五十五家豪强首脑的盛筵，乃是蒯家的精锐宗兵。盛酒的犀角樽满溢着豪帅的血，放肆横行的强人被一夕涤荡，举州震惊！ 我看着在区区一年内，刘表以蒯、蔡两家的实力为后盾，靠着惊人的行动力与组织能力迅速收编当地武装，组建了一支带甲十万、战舰千艘的强大军队，将一盘散沙的荆州捏合成一块铁板，自己也从一个一无所有的空壳子成为了名副其实的一镇诸侯。 我看着刘表游刃有余地应对来自四面八方的对荆州的觊觎，他击杀前来攻城略地的孙坚，将袁术逐出南阳，平定曹操煽动的叛乱，先后招揽张绣和昭烈皇帝两个善战的军事集团守卫荆州的北疆……目睹这些事时我情不自禁地热血激荡，我为刘表在淡定之后的运筹感觉“骄傲”，很奇怪——正是“骄傲”，兴许我始终把他视为“书生”，他每一桩胜利，都是我的同类：“书生”的胜利。做完这些事后，刘表缓缓放松了身体，他召来蒯良，点点头说：“到你出场了，放手去干吧。” 随后近二十年，除了自卫平叛，刘表再未发动过任何战争。南接五岭，北据汉水，数千里之地平安适意，不得不说，在动荡颠沛的后汉乱世，平静的荆州是个奇迹。百姓士人纷纷来此避乱，刘表周济安顿流离百姓，设立学官招揽名流，天下纷争发生在荆州以外，兵火最盛的二十年，百万生灵在这里被保全。“好大一个厨房。”赵直赞叹道。是了，我不可避免地想到，丞相正是这百万生灵里的一员，他就在这些人中成长。 “你觉得，刘表是什么颜色？”轮到赵直问我了。 “……金黄吧，麦穗的金黄：播种、耕作、收获的颜色。” “哗！这么灿烂吗？” “他的器量与才能的确有限，”我想了想说，“不是能纵横天下的英雄，不过他在把能力发挥到了极限，牧守了一方平安。这种为政者，恰恰是乱世里百姓最需要的。所以说，荆州与刘表，都是幸运的。” “是么？而我认为刘表的幸运是：他的智慧刚好使他完成生前事，而不足以让他看到身后事。”说着，赵直把手掌一摊，他掌心升腾起一团黯金色的烟雾，烟雾里有个小小的刘表的影像正哈哈大笑：“三顾才得一见，三顾才得一见……”他一面笑一面咳嗽，显然已经病入膏肓，“这就是与曹孟德并称为天下英雄的刘玄德吗？你经营七年，却连一个小小游士的心都得不到，又能靠什么来夺取我的的荆州，还是老老实实看守北门罢！” 三顾！三顾！ 我的心急促地敲起鼓点。 赵直在我耳里轻轻放入一段对话：先是一个中年男声的惊叹：“先生未出茅庐已知三分天下，真神人也！景升（刘表之字）竟不能用……” 一个温和、散淡、包含年轻人特有自负的声音回答：“君择臣，臣亦择君。景升公维护的局面将要结束了，接下来，请玄德公尽情驰骋吧。” 这是我第一次听到诸葛丞相的声音。 “喂——喂！还有呢？接着……？之后？别小气，给多点！”我拽住赵直，他居然顺势长辈般摸摸我的头！“讨糖吃么？哈哈！”赵直大笑，“放心，我对你知无不言、言无不尽，在你能承担这一切的时候。”“那是什么时候？”想到也许有一天，他能带我去见到诸葛丞相，我激动得浑身发抖。 “是这样，”赵直眼眸里闪烁着温柔、盼望的光，“天际有无数星辰在运行，每时每刻都有新的星辰升腾，同时有旧的陨落。把天下比做星空的话，你还要指出陨落与升腾的轨迹。澄清混乱、重建秩序，是乱世每一个真英雄的宿愿，他们怎样用生与死建立起了秩序？你可以告诉我吗？当你把住这种脉络时，我才能进一步与你讨论更集中、更闪耀的人生。” 我把自己关入书房整整七天。对这七天里外面发生的许多事，我充耳不闻。也许应该感激赵直，他给了我一个借口使我暂时从亡国之痛里逃亡，从对谯先生生死命运的关注里逃亡。七天后，世界像被重新制造出来般安宁，无论多么仔细侧耳，也听不到一丝声响。是……大动荡之前的静谧吧。我扶着几案勉强起身，转面铜镜见到里面有一张又疲倦、又兴奋的脸。“不要命的小子。”这时听到一声讥诮。是赵直，最初只是一个淡淡的雾也似的影子，随后逐渐清晰，他把一条腿搭在另一条腿上，坐在我床边。我上前握住他胳膊，他已是实实在在的了。 “怎么这么爱卖弄。”我道，“明明可以推门而入。” 他嗤笑着从袖里取出一丸